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Chapter Eleven

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					          Chapter Eleven


          A Musical Play in Two Acts

           Book, Music and Lyrics

                      by

              Stephen J. Telfer




9/15/08
                                      CAST
Listed in order of appearance.         Principal roles are numbered.


          PHIL (TV announcer on screen)
          RICHARD SLINK (JERRY's defense counsel)
1.        JERRY BRILLO (Chief Executive Officer of Global Atomic
          Corporation)
2.        DIRK STOAT (Chief Financial Officer of Global Atomic
          Corporation)
3.        SABRINA FLINT (Chief Marketing Officer of Global Atomic
          Corporation)
4.        E. WILLARD JONES (Board member)
5.        ELSA WATSON (a scientist)
6.        MAGGIE SPRINKLE (an assistant)
7.        TED SLACK (a middle manager)
8.        LEONARDO DA QUARK (an inventor of dubious competence)
          MARY (TV commentator on screen)
          STAN (TV commentator on screen)
          MR. CHU (voice on conference phone)
          SECURITY GUARD


                                      TIME
A typical, scandal-beset bust at the beginning of the twenty-
first century.


                                      PLACE
The headquarters of a declining multinational corporation
anywhere in the United States.




9/15/08
                                                        1-1-1


                             ACT ONE

                             SCENE 1

                              The Board Room at Global Atomic
                              Corporation. The room is
                              dominated by an overhead screen
                              showing a TV business report. As
                              PHIL (on the TV) delivers the
                              daily stock market analysis, JERRY
                              puts on his best jacket. He is
                              the Chief Executive of Global
                              Atomic, and the sort of person who
                              has no idea that he might
                              reasonably be considered a
                              buffoon. JERRY checks his tie and
                              smoothes back his hair. SLINK, a
                              harried lawyer, sits nursing a
                              briefcase. One by one, a media
                              crowd take up position in the dark
                              periphery: photographer, camera
                              crew, reporter with microphone.
                              The media are joined by members of
                              the public: activists with
                              banners, etc., including three of
                              the leading characters in this
                              story: TED, SABRINA, and MAGGIE.
                              We will find out who they are
                              later. 1. Underscore: Opening.

                              PHIL (TV ANNOUNCER)
Stocks opened strongly today in anticipation of higher-than-
expected earnings. By mid-morning the Dow had posted double-
digit gains, but ten-fifteen saw a downturn caused by fears of
an overheated economy. Concerns about oil put further pressure
on the Dow, but by eleven-thirty hopes of a stronger dollar led
to a rally. Around lunchtime pessimism about Iraq sent the Dow
into a tailspin, but expectations of growth in Asia reversed the
decline. The Dow headed back down as investors worried about
higher interest rates, but a positive outlook on consumer
confidence led to a bounce. The Dow ended the day with a net
loss of one point.
In other news, Global Atomic Corporation today filed for
bankruptcy protection in a Delaware court. The Chief Executive
Officer, Jeremiah Brillo, faces corruption charges and a
possible prison term.



9/15/08
                                                             1-1-2


                              SLINK
          (getting up and switching off TV with remote)
Are you ready, Mr. Brillo?

                                   JERRY
I'm ready.       Bring 'em on!

               (Sound of tolling bells. At each of four clangs
               of the bells, another headline flashes onto the
               overhead screen and the action freezes. Four
               different tableaux of JERRY and SLINK, pursued by
               the media, silhouetted against the headlines:
               "Global Atomic Corporation Files Chapter Eleven
               Bankruptcy!"
               "Thousands Lose Jobs, Pensions in GAC Crash!"
               "Bankruptcy "Not My Fault" says CEO Brillo!"
               "Jerry Brillo Indicted on Corruption Charges!"
               Leading directly into: 2. That Crook.)

                                   TED
          END OF THE GAME
          DISASTER AND SHAME
          AND WHO IS TO BLAME?

                                   ALL
          THAT MAN!

                                   MAGGIE
          SWINDLES AND SLEAZE
          FINANCIAL DISEASE
          THE ROOT OF ALL THESE?

                                   ALL
          HIS PLAN!

                                   SABRINA
          ANGER AND SHOCK
          AT GREED RUN AMOK
          HE SOLD ALL HIS STOCK IN TIME!

                                   ALL
          HE'S GETTING RICH
          WHILE WE'RE IN THE DITCH
          AND WHICH IS THE GREATER CRIME?

          THINK OF A CHEAT
          OF LIES AND DECEIT


9/15/08
                                             1-1-3


          WE'D LIKE YOU TO MEET A SNAKE!

          THINK OF A SCAM AND
          LOOK AT A SHAM

                                   MAGGIE
          A GAMBLER!

                                   SABRINA
          A FOOL!

                                   TED
          A FAKE!

                                   ALL
          STARE AT THE FACE
          OF GREED AND DISGRACE
          NO WONDER THE PLACE WENT DOWN!

          WE'VE BEEN DECEIVED
          BEWILDERED, AGGRIEVED
          BECAUSE WE BELIEVED THAT CLOWN!

                                   MAGGIE
          PANIC AND STRESS
          OUR LIVES IN A MESS
          HE COULDN'T CARE LESS

                                   TED
          THAT PIG!

                                   SABRINA
          BLOATED WITH PRIDE
          HIS EGO HIS GUIDE
          HE WAFFLED, HE LIED!

                                   TED
          THAT PRIG!

                                   MAGGIE
          ROLLING THE DICE
          AND BLIND TO ADVICE

                                   SABRINA
          HE DIDN'T THINK TWICE,
          NOT ONCE!



9/15/08
                                               1-1-4


                                   ALL
          OUTRAGE, DISGUST
          INVESTORS GONE BUST
          OH, WHY DID WE TRUST THAT DUNCE!

          END THE DECEIT
          REVENGE FOR THE CHEAT
          WE AIM TO DEFEAT THAT THUG!

          PEOPLE, UNITE
          PREPARE FOR A FIGHT!
          IT'S TIME TO INDICT THAT SLUG!

          HE CAN DENY
          BUT WE CAN REPLY
          AND WHY LET HIM OFF THE HOOK?

          SEND HIM TO JAIL
          HE'LL NEVER MAKE BAIL
          AT LAST WE CAN NAIL THAT... CROOK!




9/15/08
                                                           1-2-5


                             SCENE 2

                                 The CROWD disperses. JERRY sits
                                 in a crumpled heap in a chair in
                                 an almost bare room. Next to the
                                 chair, a small table with a
                                 telephone. SLINK hovers nearby.

                              JERRY
I am not a...you know what I‟m trying to say! I am ...not...a
          (breaks down, a little theatrically)
..I am not...do you think I'm a crook?

                              SLINK
          (handing over a tissue)
Try to calm down, Mr. Brillo. Would you? Please? Listen to
your lawyer. Of course you're not a crook.
          (HE takes JERRY by the shoulders)
The charges are nothing but cynical, unfounded, politically-
motivated rabble-rousing!

                              JERRY
You're right, you're right.  Cynical.
          (blows nose)
Unfounded.
          (HE gets to his feet)
Rabble-rousing! A brazen attempt to destroy the reputation of a
fine ...a fine American!

                                 SLINK
That's the spirit, Mr. Brillo!

                              JERRY
Who's not going down without a fight! No, sir! Write this
down!
          (pause for collection of thoughts)
Members of the jury, you have been led to believe that Jerry
Brillo is a dishonest man. But before you stands someone very
different. Oh, yes. A towering figure in the economic life of
this country; a noted philanthropist; perhaps the finest
business mind of his generation!

                              SLINK
          (trying to stop the torrent)
Mr. Brillo...




9/15/08
                                                        1-2-6


                              JERRY
Jerry Brillo is the unwitting victim of a monstrous conspiracy!
Others, in whom he placed his trust, have let him down. But
this defense is not shy when the truth itself is at stake! This
defense will name names. The names of the true villains in this
case. You're not writing this down.

                                SLINK
Mr. Brillo...

                              JERRY
You're going to need this for your argument. I'm telling you!
The names of the true villains in the case! Here!
          (thrusts a pen into SLINK's hand)
The evil Dirk Stoat! The witch, Sabrina Flint! The nincompoop,
Ted Slack! This nest of vipers...

                                SLINK
What?

                                JERRY
Vipers!   My senior staff!

                              SLINK
I'm going to have to stop you, Mr. Brillo. Unless you want to
represent yourself.
          (takes deep breath)
I need to know the whole story, unembellished and from the
beginning. From the moment that you became C.E.O. of Global
Atomic.
          (pause)
Please, Mr. Brillo...?

                              JERRY
You don't want help with your argument?

                                SLINK
No.

                                JERRY
No tips on handling the jury?

                                SLINK
No.

                                JERRY
Just the bare facts, then.


9/15/08
                                                            1-2-7




                                SLINK
If possible.

                              JERRY
Very well. If that's what you want, you shall have it.
Starting at the very beginning. Chapter One!

                               SLINK
Chapter One, as you say.   Eventually we'll get to Chapter
Eleven.

            (Headline on screen: "CHAPTER ONE - A Call to
            Greatness". 3. Underscore: Opportunity.)

                              JERRY
It all started when I was working at...well, let's just call it
a well-known manufacturer of paper-based products. I'd made it
to Vice President of the Towel Division. Pretty impressive, you
might think, yet somehow I felt that Jerry Brillo was capable of
more. Then one day, out of the blue, I got this phone call.

            (DIRK enters. He's smart-looking and well-
            dressed, but somehow radiates insincerity. He‟s
            holding a cell phone. The phone rings; JERRY
            picks up.)

Hello, Brillo here...

                                DIRK
            (into his cell phone)
Jerry?    Dirk! Dirk Stoat! Remember me?

                                JERRY
Dirk?

                              DIRK
Golden Pond Pesticide Company! We shared a cubicle.

                                JERRY
Oh, Dirk!    Of course I remember. "Spare the toxin, spoil the
bug"!

                                DIRK
How are you doing?




9/15/08
                                                               1-2-8


                                   JERRY
Good, good.      Can‟t complain.   How about you?

                              DIRK
I‟m doing fine. Left the Pond, oh, about six years ago.          Then
law school, a bit of ambulance-chasing, and now I'm into
executive recruiting.

                                   JERRY
Sounds exciting.

                              DIRK
Thing is, I've got this client. Great company, great position.
Thought of you immediately. Could you be tempted, do you think?

                                  JERRY
Well, maybe, Dirk.      It doesn't hurt to find out more.     What kind
of position?

                             DIRK
Could you meet me for lunch? Sushi?
          (pause)
All right, pizza. I‟ll tell you all about it.

              (HE pockets the phone.   4. Chief Executive.)

          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          HAVE I GOT A JOB FOR YOU!
          EIGHT FIGURE SALARY, OPTION AWARD
          A LITTLE LIGHT WORK TO DO!
          RIDE IN A LIMO
          BETTER YET,
          FLY IN A COMPANY JET!
          MIX WITH CELEBRITIES
          YOU CAN BET
          ANYTHING YOU WANT IS WHAT YOU'LL GET!

          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          JOIN THE ANOINTED FEW!
          MAGAZINE COVER
          ADMIRED AND ADORED
          AMAZING BUT ALSO TRUE!
          GREAT OPPORTUNITY
          TAILOR-MADE
          FOR A PERSON LIKE YOU
          HECK, YOU DESERVE TO BE OVERPAID
          JOIN US AND BE OVERSOLD, TOO!


9/15/08
                                                                 1-2-9




The company's called Global Atomic.          Ever heard of it?

                              JERRY
Of course! Everyone's heard of Global Atomic.           "The Power
Behind The Power"! Fantastic!

                              DIRK
It's a disaster. Obsolete, bloated, out of control.           Anyone
with half a brain's avoiding it like the plague.

                                   JERRY
That sounds bad.

                                   DIRK
On the contrary!       That sounds good!     That's where you come in!

                                   JERRY
I do?

                                   DIRK
You do!

                                   JERRY
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          IT'S CERTAINLY WORTH A TRY
          EIGHT FIGURE SALARY, OPTION AWARD
          I CAN'T REALLY PASS THAT BY!
          I'LL TAKE A STAB AT IT
          WHAT'S TO LOSE?
          I'LL THROW MY HAT IN THE RING
          I'LL BE A CANDIDATE --
          LET 'EM CHOOSE!
          NOT JEFF SKILLING BUT THE NEXT BEST THING!

                                   DIRK
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          IT LOOKS LIKE A MATCH TO ME!

                                   JERRY
          MAGAZINE COVER
          ADMIRED AND ADORED
          JUST AS I OUGHT TO BE!

                                   DIRK
          CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY; IT'S A FIT!



9/15/08
                                                            1-2-10


                                     JERRY
          I WAS MADE FOR THE PART!

                                   DIRK
          PROVEN MANAGER, YOU'RE LEGIT!

                                   JERRY
          SHOW ME THE CONTRACT, WHEN DO I START?

                                     DIRK
Sounds like you're interested!

                                     JERRY
I'm definitely interested!

                                     DIRK
Think you can handle it?

                                     JERRY
No doubt whatsoever!

                                     DIRK
Whatever it turns out to be?

                                     JERRY
Whatever it turns out to be!         You can count on me!

                              DIRK
Then put yourself in our hands. Send us your resume!
          (picks up resume from table, takes a look at it)
Oh..

                                     JERRY
What do you think?

                                   DIRK
Nothing!       Definite ...potential here, I'd say...

                                    JERRY
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          I'LL RISE ABOVE THEM ALL!
          MANIFEST DESTINY CAN'T BE IGNORED
          IT'S TIME TO ACCEPT MY CALL!

                                     DIRK
          STEP INTO HISTORY
          I CAN TELL


9/15/08
                                                    1-2-11


          THAT YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES!
          CROSSING THE RUBICON!

                                      JERRY
          VERY WELL!
          PLACING A BET WITH THE MAXIMUM STAKES!

                                   DIRK
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          YOU'LL TREAD WHERE THE GREAT HAVE TROD!

                                   JERRY
          LOOKS TO ME LIKE THE WILL OF THE LORD
          AND HOW CAN I TURN DOWN GOD?

                                      DIRK
          BOSS AND PLUTOCRAT -
          LET IT BE!
          IT'S A NATURAL ROLE!

                                   JERRY
          MANTLE OF LEADERSHIP,
          COME TO ME!
          I'M STEPPING UP AND TAKING CONTROL!

                                   BOTH
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD
          CHIEF EXECUTIVE, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD


                                      DIRK
          HAVE I GOT A JOB FOR YOU!




9/15/08
                                                          1-3-12


                                SCENE 3

                                 The office of DIRK‟s recruiting
                                 company. Elegant furniture,
                                 avant-garde paintings, perfect
                                 feng shui. SABRINA FLINT, DIRK‟s
                                 marketing associate, sits
                                 comfortably in a sofa. She's
                                 sharply dressed, bedecked in
                                 jewelry, perfect hair, but also
                                 rather short and fat. She carries
                                 a clipboard. DIRK sits in a plush
                                 leather chair across from JERRY.
                                 The room also contains a fitting
                                 area with mirror and small stand.

                              DIRK
Let's get down to business. Right now you must be thinking
you're not qualified to be chief executive of a company like
Global Atomic.

                              JERRY
          (getting up and moving around)
Not qualified? I'm not thinking that at all. I'm an
exceptionally qualified individual. Vice President of Absorbent
Products. Gold level Quality Master.

                              DIRK
You know nothing about physics or engineering. You've never
worked in the energy business. You're totally ignorant of
accounting and marketing. In short, you're completely
unsuitable.

                              JERRY
Thanks for sharing that, Dirk. I appreciate honest feedback.
But look, what about my feel and intuition? They need a gut,
not a brain.

                              DIRK
Fortunately for us, appearance is more important than reality.
If you look like a CEO, and act like a CEO, you'll wake up one
day and be a CEO!

                                 JERRY
I do look and act like a CEO.




9/15/08
                                                         1-3-13


                              DIRK
Not yet, you don't. But in a few days you will. What you need
is a little professional help. Meet Sabrina Flint. She‟ll be
helping us with PR and marketing. By the time she's done with
you, you'll be repackaged, rebranded and completely made over.
Then let's talk about the corner office.
          (swiveling to SABRINA)
So, what do you think?

                              SABRINA
          (consulting clipboard)
Needs a lot of work, but there's nothing we can't handle.
Let's start with the appearance. Baseline's weak. Lumpish.
Uninspiring. But fixable with a little work.

                              JERRY
Lumpish?

                              SABRINA
On the plus side, a healthy ego. Stubborn. Fighting spirit.
No self-awareness at all. Fix up the looks, touch up the
resume, and we're done.
          (SHE springs off the sofa)
Off with that jacket, Jerry! Come over here.
          (JERRY takes off his jacket. SABRINA directs him
          to the fitting area, getting out a tape measure)
Let's have a talk about your core values.
          (SHE measures his waist)
Your bedrock principles. You know.
          (pause)

                              DIRK
These are some core values that we normally recommend.
          (HE hands JERRY a laminated sheet)

                              JERRY
          (puts on glasses and reads from sheet)
Thank you, Mr. Stoat. Let's see. Accountability...no.
Balance, no. Competence, no.
          (to SABRINA)
Good, but...

                              SABRINA
          (still measuring)
Not really you. Keep going.




9/15/08
                                                           1-3-14


                                JERRY
Dependability, no.    Excellence, no.   I'm not finding what I
want.

                                SABRINA
Try putting it into words.

                              JERRY
Well, at the core of me, which I presume is the location of the
bedrock, or thereabouts, the value is, well, put it this way:
the opposite of greed. Kind of strikes a chord. Has a certain
appeal. Put "opposite of greed" for now. We can wordsmith it
later.

                                SABRINA
O...K.    Anything else?

                                JERRY
No, that should do it.

                                SABRINA
Just the one core value?

                                JERRY
Do I need more?

                              SABRINA
Most people have at least two, but it's up to you. Pressing on:
the selling angle. For this, I want you to do some creative
thinking. Imagine yourself as a product.

                                JERRY
A product.

                              SABRINA
When we figure out how to sell the product, we'll know how to
sell you.

                             JERRY
All right, I get it. And I've got the perfect suggestion. My
baby! Made me what I am today. The Sucker Upper paper towel.

                              SABRINA
I don't mean that kind of product, Jerry. I mean a product that
suggests power. A sports car. Or, how about this...
          (checks tape measure)
A tank!


9/15/08
                                                             1-3-15




                              JERRY
          (after pause for thought)
You mean a full tank.

                              SABRINA
Let's just go with your comfort zone and see where it leads.
What are the selling points of the Sucker Upper paper towel?

                                   JERRY
Let‟s think.    Strong when wet!

                                   DIRK
          (to SABRINA)
Stands firm in a crisis.

                                   JERRY
Jumbo roll!
          (pause.     DIRK motions him to continue)
Extra thick!

                                 DIRK
Extra thick?    Hmmm.   This is not the message we're trying to
send.

                              SABRINA
And it leads us to the education problem.    They'll be looking
for a master's degree at least.

                              JERRY
I haven't got a master's degree!

                              SABRINA
No kidding. We'll have to provide you with one.       An M.B.A. from
the E-learning Institute of the Cayman Islands.

                              JERRY
But I don't have an M.B.A. from the E-learning Institute of the
Cayman Islands.

                                   SABRINA
You do now.    And?

                                JERRY
It‟s not true.    The truth means a lot to me, that's all.




9/15/08
                                                             1-3-16


                              DIRK
The truth means a lot to us, too, Jerry. It‟s a key part of the
overall picture. Certainly shouldn't be disregarded altogether.

                                     SABRINA
Except, perhaps, here.

               (SHE places her hands on JERRY‟s shoulders.
               5. Lie On Your Resume.)

          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          YOUR EDUCATION
          MAY NEED INFLATION
          USE YOUR IMAGINATION

                                   DIRK
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          WITHOUT DELAY
          AWARD YOURSELF AN M. B. A.

                                     SABRINA
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          THEY'LL BE IMPRESSED
          DO IT, LIKE ALL THE REST

          LOOK GOOD ON PAPER
          WHO CARES IF IT'S VAPOR?
          IT'S YOU AT YOUR SELF-MADE BEST!

                                     DIRK
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          WHO NEEDS REALITY?
          ORIGINALITY
          TRIUMPHS OVER ILLEGALITY

                                   SABRINA
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          AND MAKE IT BOLD
          YOUR KNITTING WON OLYMPIC GOLD!

                                   DIRK
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          YOUR EXPERTISE
          INCLUDES A GRASP OF PORTUGUESE

          NO NEED TO CENSOR
          SAY THAT YOU‟RE IN MENSA


9/15/08
                                                       1-3-17


          YOU'LL LAND ANY JOB WITH EASE!

                                    SABRINA & DIRK
          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          APPEAR THE CLEVEREST
          IT'S CLEAR YOU NEVER REST
          ADD THAT YOU CLIMBED MOUNT EVEREST

          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          AND PLAY THE CARD
          OF SERVICE IN THE NATIONAL GUARD

          LIE ON YOUR RESUME
          YOU'RE NOT A LOUT
          BUT BETTER TO REMOVE ALL DOUBT --

          PASS RIGHT ON BY
          ARREST FOR D U I
          NOBODY WILL FIND YOU OUT!

                              DIRK
New look, new resume: we're ready, Jerry! The time has arrived
to make your pitch to the Board of Directors!

                                      JERRY
I'm prepared!

                              SABRINA
          (reading from a shareholders‟ report)
Then listen carefully. You need to know who you're up against.
The acting Chairman's E. Willard Jones.
          (spotlight on JONES, a dapper little man,
          standing in an elevated position behind scrim)
Been on the board since 1935. Deaf in one ear. Probably the
sharpest Board member, often the sole attendee. Next there's...
          (spotlight moves to empty next position)
...tied up in litigation. Next...
          (spotlight moves to empty next position)
golf tournament, and...running for congress, can‟t be
here...looks like it‟s just going to be Jones, then. Got that?

                                      JERRY
Got it.

                                      DIRK
Then let's roll!



9/15/08
                                                             1-3-18


               (Overhead screen lowered into place. Slide shows
               Jerry is shown in a commanding pose, inspecting a
               plant, framed in a sunset. 6. Invest In Me)

                                   JERRY
          I DESERVE YOUR TRUST
          INVEST IN ME!
          NO MORE WORRIES, JUST
          INVEST IN ME!

          BRILLIANT AND INSPIRING
          A JOY TO BE ACQUIRING
          AND READY FOR THE HIRING -- I'M FREE!

          BETTER THAN A BOND
          INVEST IN ME!
          INTEREST FAR BEYOND
          THE BEST C D!

          LISTEN TO MY STORY
          I'M LEADING YOU TO GLORY
          YOU'LL CELEBRATE VICTORIOUSLY!

          MISTER CHAIRMAN, VOTE FOR WHAT YOU SEE
          WATCH AS I PROMOTE THE BRAND CALLED ME!

          MAKE YOUR FIRST DEPOSIT WITH A
          LIFETIME GUARANTEE --
          HERE I AM, INVEST IN ME!

               (Begin propaganda slide show. Charts of upwards
               trends, more pictures of Jerry, etc.)

                              JERRY
Cut and build, that's the strategy! Bring in some new blood,
out with the dead wood. Institute "best practices", six sigma,
re-engineering, boundaryless-ness!
Next slide, please! Total Quality Ownership! Strategic
Visioning! Hire a top-notch consulting firm right off the bat!
I'm a guy who refuses to lose! I'll build you a bridge to the
stars! A highway to heaven! A city in the clouds!
Next slide, please! Take a look at the core competencies!

               (Slides show "Stands Firm in a Crisis", followed
               by "Jumbo Roll, Extra Thick", quickly passed
               over)



9/15/08
                                                                1-3-19


And these are my personal core values!

               (Slide shows "Opposite of Greed", "Et Cetera",
               "Insert Core Value Here")

          PROGRESS YOU CAN MEASURE --
          YOU'VE FOUND A BURIED TREASURE
          RESULTS A REAL PLEASURE TO SEE!

          MISTER CHAIRMAN, VOTE FOR WHAT YOU SEE
          WATCH AS I PROMOTE THE BRAND CALLED ME!

          MAKE YOUR FIRST DEPOSIT WITH A
          LIFETIME GUARANTEE --
          HERE I AM, INVEST IN ME!

               (7. Underscore: drum roll.)

                                   JONES
Mr. Brillo, you're hired!




9/15/08
                                                         1-4-20


                             SCENE 4

                              Overhead screen shows "CHAPTER TWO
                              - A New Beginning".
                              8. Underscore: Elevation Music.
                              Elevator effect (projections?) as
                              JONES, JERRY, DIRK and SABRINA
                              ascend forty stories to the
                              penthouse office of the Chief
                              Executive Officer of Global Atomic
                              Corporation. Broad windows look
                              out over acres of smokestacks,
                              cooling towers and tangles of
                              industrial piping from a height of
                              several hundred feet. The office
                              contains a large desk and a table
                              set about with several chairs. An
                              exotic potted plant occupies one
                              corner. A white board covers one
                              wall. Each person picks up a
                              glass of champagne from the table.

                              JONES
          (proposing a toast)
To Jeremiah Brillo, our new chief executive and chairman of the
Board of Directors. May his tenure be prosperous and
profitable, may our company flourish under his steady
leadership...
          (JERRY starts to drink. JONES glares at him)
and...well, I think that about captures it.
          (ALL drink. JONES claps his hand on JERRY's
          shoulder)
You won't mind if I pop by from time to time, will you? You'll
be glad to have the benefit of my advice, I've no doubt.
          (JONES heads for the door)

                              JERRY
Phew! Thank you, Sabrina!   And Dirk, too!   I couldn't have done
it without you!

                              DIRK
No, I dare say. Well, now that you're in the top spot, you'll
be able to sit back and relax a bit.

                              JERRY
How do you mean?



9/15/08
                                                          1-4-21


                              DIRK
You'll find that the position of Chief Executive is mostly
ceremonial. Wining and dining other CEOs, foreign visits, that
sort of thing. I expect that you'll be delegating the actual
running of the company to someone else. More champagne?

                              JERRY
          (accepting the champagne)
Oh, no, Dirk, no. No. I'll be personally at the helm at all
times. I have ideas, you know. Dreams. Visions. The
shareholders expect no less.

                             DIRK
Of course, of course. Cheers. Dreams and visions, very
appropriate. Feel free to hold forth on culture and philosophy
any time you like.

                              JERRY
I'll be rolling up my sleeves! Get used to it. Plans will come
from me and me alone. Particularly in product strategy. And
marketing. Research, too. I haven't forgotten my physics.    I
take my responsibilities seriously. Look!
          (gesticulates to the window)
Hundreds of people counting on me. Stretching to the north, as
far as the eye can see.

                                SABRINA
West.

                              JERRY
West, then.
          (HE turns to the next window)
More people counting on me, looking ...

                                SABRINA
South.

                                JERRY
South?    Are you sure?

                                SABRINA
I'm sure.

                                DIRK
Look here, Jerry.    Would you let me give you some advice in the
art of delegation?



9/15/08
                                                          1-4-22


                                JERRY
Advise away!

                              DIRK
Let's first imagine that a successful strategy comes from you.
Hypothetically.

                                JERRY
OK, I'm imagining...

                              DIRK
What happens to your reputation?

                              JERRY
Why, it grows, what do you think? That's why...

                                DIRK
          (holding up hand)
It grows. Now, alternatively, imagine that the company, of
which you are now the CEO, succeeds with a strategy from someone
else. What now?

                              JERRY
Well, let me think about it. Oh, I see what you're getting at.
I'd take the credit, naturally. So... pretty much the same
result for me!

                              DIRK
Now, what happens if the plans go wrong?

                              JERRY
Failure is not an option! Let me be clear! They won't go
wrong. But...if they went wrong, which they won't, ...obviously
it wouldn't be my fault! Of course not. Although in the first
case it would be my plan...but in the second case... well, it'd
be the fault of the idiot who told me what to do!
          (DIRK spreads his hands)
Dirk! We need to hire that idiot!

                                DIRK
Not so fast, Jerry.    Maybe you can do better than an idiot.

                             JERRY
Good point. We can definitely do better than an idiot!     Anyone
you have in mind?




9/15/08
                                                            1-4-23


                                  SABRINA
          (having an idea)
Well, maybe...no.

                                  JERRY
Who?

                                  SABRINA
Nothing.      There is someone, two someones actually, but... no.

                                  JERRY
Who?      Who?

                              DIRK
You'll need a Chief Operating Officer. Reporting to you, of
course -- doing the day-to-day running of the place. You could
give him Finance as well, maybe throw in Legal.

                              SABRINA
You'll also want a Chief Marketing Officer. I‟d recommend
someone who's worked with you recently –- very recently,
ideally.

                                  DIRK
As recently as possible.

                              JERRY
You're saying two people, then, that I‟ve just been working
with. Any suggestions?
          (DIRK and SABRINA shrug elaborately)
You must mean my former colleagues. Jack Pocock, maybe? He
certainly knows his cardboard. No? Well, I'd better get to
work. Unless you want some more champagne...

                             DIRK
          (not moving)
No, no, thanks. We'd better be going.

                                  JERRY
Well, goodbye then.
          (pause)
You don‟t mean you?

                                  SABRINA
Us?




9/15/08
                                                          1-4-24


                                    DIRK
Of course we mean us!

                                   JERRY
Why didn‟t you say so?       You start next Monday!

             (DIRK and SABRINA leave. JERRY is left alone in
             his office. HE sits at his desk. A pause to
             take in his surroundings. Then HE addresses the
             AUDIENCE)

Good people. And I can tell you, it's a good feeling, being
CEO. The corner office, the fortieth floor, a nice desk, a nice
plant. The difficulty is, what do you do after you've arrived?
          (Long pause)
You can sit at the desk and look at the plant. Or...
          (pause)
Must... do... something.
          (Gets up, walks to the white board, and writes
          “QUALTY” on it. Steps back to admire his work,
          then underlines it. Then inserts the “I”)
Hmm. I know! I‟ll open my door! Let fresh ideas come flooding
in!
          (Heads over to the door. JONES appears, carrying
          three books)

                                    JONES
Mr. Brillo...

                                    JERRY
Come in, come in, Mr. Jones!

                              JONES
I just had an idea that I think you need to hear.

                                    JERRY
              (to AUDIENCE)
See?      Spit it out, Mr. Jones!

                             JONES
It's about the company logo. I've been thinking we need a new
one. Something bold, something thrusting!

                                    JERRY
             (after pause)
Yes?



9/15/08
                                                       1-4-25


                              JONES
That's it. I leave the details to you. I had another thought,
but I've forgotten what it was. I'll be back.
          (JONES leaves. Pause. Then JONES returns)
I‟ve remembered. I wanted to lend you these books. Enjoy!
          (JONES hands the books to JERRY, then leaves)

                              JERRY
          (looking at the covers, to AUDIENCE)
An invaluable source of advice, that Jones fellow! I‟ll be
relying on him for sure!
          (puts on reading glasses)
"Twelve Habits For The Effective Billionaire". I probably have
those habits already. "Straight From The Ego". Intriguing.
"Grasping Your Excellence".
          (reads on)
"Have you been grasping your excellence enough?"
          (aside)
Maybe not!
          (opens book. DIRK and SABRINA enter. DIRK is
          carrying a resume)
"Decisioning with excellence...creationing...teaming with
excellence!" What do you think of that? Teaming with
excellence!

                              SABRINA
Teaming?    Is that a word?

                              JERRY
It‟s printed right here.

                              DIRK
Think of teeming with cockroaches. As it happens, I‟ve been
giving a bit of thought to recruitment. Take a look at this
resume.

                              SABRINA
Resume?    Whose resume?

                              DIRK
Someone I‟m recommending to Jerry.

                              SABRINA
Let me see that!
          (snatches resume from DIRK)
Leonardo Da Quark. Professor of...what are you playing at,
Dirk?


9/15/08
                                                            1-4-26




                              DIRK
Professor Da Quark. An extremely famous inventor.   A possible
candidate for Chief Technology Officer.

                              SABRINA
Really. Before we start bringing in Dirk‟s cronies, Jerry, I
think we should take a look at the talent that‟s already here.

                               DIRK
In this company?   I doubt that you‟ll find much of that.

                             JERRY
Now, now, Dirk. Sabrina has an excellent point. Charity begins
at home. And it‟s good for morale, and so forth. We‟ll think
about your professor later. So! Where should we start?
Sabrina?

                              SABRINA
I‟d suggest a tour of the plant. Have you ventured outside your
office yet?

                              JERRY
It hadn‟t occurred to me to do so. But I'm certainly up for it!
There‟s no danger, I suppose?

                               SABRINA
None whatsoever.   Let‟s go!




9/15/08
                                                              1-5-27


                                   SCENE 5

                                    Overhead screen shows "CHAPTER
                                    THREE - A Quest for Excellence".
                                    9. Underscore: Executive March.
                                    DIRK, JERRY and SABRINA put on
                                    hard hats and find themselves in a
                                    laboratory. At the rear is a
                                    large, complex piece of machinery:
                                    a nuclear reactor. In the
                                    foreground, an office area
                                    containing a rotatable cubicle
                                    that, for now, faces away from the
                                    AUDIENCE. ELSA WATSON, a
                                    passionate but somewhat humorless
                                    scientist, is at work on the
                                    reactor, notebook in hand. MAGGIE
                                    SPRINKLE, her assistant, sits at a
                                    console. Steam arises from the
                                    reactor in chaotic bursts. A
                                    sudden blast of high pressure
                                    vapor and a loud hissing sound.

                                 ELSA
Cripes, Maggie!     What was that?

                              MAGGIE
Deuterium buildup in the plenum.

                              JERRY
          (in a stage whisper, to SABRINA)
What‟s going on?

                                    SABRINA
Ask her.
          (SHE strides over to the reactor)
This is Elsa Watson. Ph. D. in physics from Harvard.        One of
our leading scientists.

                                 JERRY
Elsa!     Pleased to meet a fellow researcher!

                                    ELSA
Likewise.     What‟s your field?




9/15/08
                                                              1-5-28


                                JERRY
My field? Oh, paper towels.     The advanced napkin.    The science
of mopping. And yours?

                              ELSA
Nuclear physics. Energy. And so on. What you‟re looking at
here is a new way of generating electricity. We call it cold
fusion. No conventional fuel required. Power comes literally
from water. It‟s an amazing technology. Potentially, at any
rate.

                                JERRY
Go ahead and show me!    Fire it up!

                              ELSA
I wish I could, but... well, you understand research.        Far from
a working product.

          (JERRY consults with DIRK and SABRINA.       10.
          Underscore: March B.)

                               JERRY
What do you think?   Officer material?

                                DIRK
Brilliant.   Creative.   Strong willed.

                              JERRY
A poor candidate, you‟re saying.
          (to SABRINA)
Let‟s take a look at someone else.

          (MAGGIE comes forward with a wad of papers.        11.
          Underscore: March C.)

                             SABRINA
This is Maggie Sprinkle. She‟s been at the company for thirty
years. Low level functionality. Could be of interest for the
HR slot, I suppose.

                              JERRY
          (extending hand as MAGGIE rushes by)
Maggie! Hi, I‟m ...I'm your CEO!
          (to SABRINA)
She‟s probably not used to meeting celebrities.




9/15/08
                                                            1-5-29


                              MAGGIE
I won‟t be a minute.   Sorry.
          (She puts down the papers and extends her hand)
I didn‟t want to get the papers out of order.

          (JERRY consults with DIRK and SABRINA.    12.
          Underscore: March D.)

                                JERRY
I don‟t know about her.

                              DIRK
Too conscientious. Not a good fit. What you're looking for is
a kind of witless incompetence that turns into abject loyalty
when promoted.

                              JERRY
We'll know it when we see it. Who‟s next?

                               SABRINA
Ted Slack.   Liaison Department.

          (The rotatable cubicle swivels around to reveal
          on TED SLACK, asleep at his desk, which is
          littered with papers, coffee cups, and old
          doughnuts.)

                                JERRY
What‟s he doing?

                                 SABRINA
Playing Solitaire.     No, I'm wrong. He's fallen asleep.

                                JERRY
We don‟t need to wake him up.

                              SABRINA
Nonsense! This is prime material! Ted?     Ted!

                              TED
          (waking up with a start)
Eh? I was just thinking…thinking about rearranging my cubicle!
Though, maybe it doesn‟t need it.

                                JERRY
It‟s a fine cubicle.    Very pleasing in its modest way.



9/15/08
                                                            1-5-30


                                   TED
You think so?       Here, let me show you around!

               (HE leans back expansively in his chair. 13. In
               A Cubicle. Throughout this song, TED does a
               dance without getting up from his swivel chair)

          THIS IS IT, WHERE I SIT
          IN A CUBICLE
          I SURVEY MEDIUM GREY
          IN MY CUBICLE!

          THOUGH IT'S MEAGER, WHO NEEDS MORE?
          THERE ARE THREE WALLS, WHO NEEDS FOUR?
          WHO NEEDS WINDOWS, OR A DOOR
          IN A CUBICLE?

          I CAN ROT IN MY SPOT
          IN A CUBICLE
          LOSE MY SOUL IN A HOLE
          IN A CUBICLE

          YOU CAN PUT ME IN MY PLACE
          WITH MY STATUS IN MY FACE
          AND YOU'RE ALSO SAVING SPACE
          IN A CUBICLE

          HAVE YOU TRIED TAKING PRIDE
          IN A CUBICLE?
          BEING THRILLED OR FULFILLED
          IN A CUBICLE?

          BUT WHEN TALENT'S NOT REQUIRED
          THERE'S NO NEED TO BE INSPIRED
          I‟M AT WORK BUT I‟M RETIRED
          IN A CUBICLE

          IT'S MY FATE
          TO STAGNATE
          IN A CUBICLE!

          I CAN RUST
          GATHER DUST
          IN A CUBICLE!

          I COULD QUIT IN A RAGE
          AND ESCAPE FROM THE CAGE


9/15/08
                                                               1-5-31


          BUT I STAY FOR THE WAGE
          IN A CUBICLE!

                                    JERRY
               (to SABRINA)
Perfect!       Let‟s rescue Ted from obscurity and bring him on
board!
          (to AUDIENCE)
Can you imagine a better candidate?         Not too bright, but bright
enough! Not…not too…uh oh.
          (as JONES enters)

                                   JONES
Mr. Brillo!       I've had another idea!

                                    JERRY
What is it?

                                    JONES
Is this a bad time?

                                    JERRY
I'm in the middle of a speech.

                              JONES
I've come up with a Mission Statement. "Empowering the
Customer, One Watt at a Time." Food for thought!

                                   JERRY
Thank you, Mr. Jones.       I'll give it all the thought it deserves.
          (to AUDIENCE)
Now I‟ve completely lost my train of thought.

                              DIRK
You were about to promote Ted Slack.

                                    JERRY
Right.

                              DIRK
And assign him to administering a new pay plan.

                                    JERRY
Right.       What new pay plan?


                                    DIRK


9/15/08
                                                            1-5-32


The one that I was about to advise you to adopt.

                                JERRY
Right.

                                DIRK
Mentored by Sabrina.

                                JERRY
Exactly!
          (to TED and SABRINA)
Well, carry on!
          (JERRY and DIRK leave)

                                SABRINA
          (to TED)
This is a big step, Ted.    Your life is about to change.

                              TED
I know that, but I‟m fully prepared.

                              SABRINA
You‟re not taking orders any more. You‟re giving orders.

                                TED
I‟m prepared to give orders.

                               SABRINA
You‟re not being managed.   You‟re managing.

                                TED
I‟m prepared to manage.

                              SABRINA
And how were you planning to do that?

                                TED
By being myself.

                               SABRINA
Not recommended.   You need to adopt a very different persona
from now on.

                                TED
I do?




9/15/08
                                                              1-5-33




                              SABRINA
Stand up straight. Look me in the eye.        Now tell me my work‟s
unacceptable and I have to shape up.

                              TED
Your…your…work‟s…Let me start again. Your…your. I can‟t do
this! It‟s rude! I‟d rather say, “your work could, just
possibly, be even better in certain minor ways. If you don‟t
mind my saying so.”

                              SABRINA
That‟s why you can‟t be yourself. Try acting.        Do it!   Now!

                              TED
Your work‟s completely unacceptable and you have to shape up!
Now!

                                   SABRINA
Better.
               (SHE looks at TED sternly. 14. You’re The Boss –
               first)
          YOU‟RE THE BOSS, YOU‟RE THE BOSS
          AND YOU NEED TO CONTROL HOW THE ROLE COMES ACROSS

          SO BE TOUGH! YOU CAN BLUFF!
          IF YOU MUSTER SOME BLUSTER IT MAY BE ENOUGH;

          NOW PROCEED! TAKE THE LEAD!
          BE STRONG AND ASSERTIVE
          NOT CRINGING AND FURTIVE

          NOT FEEBLE AND DITHERING
          NOT BUMBLING AND BLITHERING
          IN BRIEF, BE A CHIEF!

               (MAGGIE enters and sits in TED‟s chair.
               15. Underscore: Evaluation A)

                              SABRINA
Let‟s see how you deliver Maggie‟s performance review. Don‟t
let her sit there. Put her in a low, subservient chair.
          (TED steers MAGGIE into a rickety chair)
Much better. Place yourself in a commanding position. Get the
light behind you. Perfect. Now give her an evaluation.




9/15/08
                                                        1-5-34


                                TED
Er…do what?

                                SABRINA
Go on!    Use the methods we‟ve been practicing.

                               TED
Good morning, Maggie. I asked you here to talk about your
performance. I‟m giving you a grade of “meets expectations”.
That means you‟re fairly paid for the job that you‟re doing. It
follows that your raise should logically be zero, and it is.
          (Very awkward pause)

                               SABRINA
Don‟t say anything.   Let her process it.

                             MAGGIE
"Meets expectations"? No raise? That‟s, that‟s a bit
disappointing, Mr. Slack.

                              SABRINA
You can see the emotions roiling around in her head. They‟re
about to coalesce into the one that we‟re aiming for. Impotent
rage.

                              MAGGIE
Last year I got "Exceeds expectations".

                                TED
That was last year.

                              MAGGIE
But I did better this year, Mr. Slack!

                              TED
No doubt you did, Maggie, but this year you were expected to
exceed expectations. All right?
          (Thumbs up from SABRINA)
You can go now. And, keep up the average work!
          (SABRINA applauds. MAGGIE leaves)

                              SABRINA
Good job. Pretty well done. You‟ve mastered the basic art of
faking it, but now you need refinement. You need to appear
tough, yes, but warm and approachable at the same time.




9/15/08
                                                                  1-5-35


               (SHE gives TED a sickly smile. 16. You’re The
               Boss – second)
          BE A FRIEND
          JUST PRETEND
          THOUGH IN YOUR INTERIOR
          YOU MAY FEEL SUPERIOR
          DON‟T SHOW IT, OR YOU‟LL BLOW IT
          IT‟S BETTER TO ACT WITH A SEMBLANCE OF TACT

          BUT BEWARE, HAVE A CARE
          IT‟S A DELICATE BALANCE
          SO MARSHAL YOUR TALENTS
          AVOIDING OFFENDING
          WHILE STILL CONDESCENDING
          IS HARD,
          BE ON GUARD!

               (ELSA enters.    17.   Underscore: Evaluation B)

                                     TED
Elsa!       Please, sit down.    In this chair, if you don‟t mind.

                              SABRINA
Watch out for the insincere smile.

                                      TED
How will I know?

                                      SABRINA
Offer her a doughnut.
          (TED picks up an old doughnut from his desk and
          extends it to ELSA)

                                      ELSA
No, thanks, Ted.

                             SABRINA
See that smile? You can‟t say “no” and smile sincerely at the
same time. Now go ahead.

                              TED
Elsa, I asked you here to talk about your performance. I‟m
giving you a grade of “partially meets expectations”. You
ranked very low this year. Very low indeed. Only just out of
the bottom ten percent that we have to let go.

                                      ELSA


9/15/08
                                                              1-5-36


I find that hard to believe.       I made the top ten percent last
year.

                              TED
Nobody made it into the top ten percent this year.

                                   ELSA
Your math, Ted?       And I‟d like to know how the ranking was done.

                               TED
Well, Elsa, since you asked, we didn't use performance ranking,
because it's too subjective. We thought about age, but that's
discriminatory. We thought about seniority, but that's
actionable. We thought about height, but...
          (to SABRINA)
What's the matter with height?

                              SABRINA
You‟re digging yourself a hole, Ted.

                              TED
Anyway, we ended up with the obvious answer.        Alphabetical.
Simple, effective, fair to all.
          (pause)
I‟m sensing an attitude problem.

                                   ELSA
Oh, no, I‟m fine.       Motivated, happy as ever.

                                   TED
Good.       Then be thinking about how you can improve for next year.

                              ELSA
Should I change my name, do you think, Ted?

                              TED
No, Elsa.  You should change your performance.
          (TED stands and gathers up his papers)
We're done! I suggest you get back to your grinding.         Or
whatever it is that you do.
          (ELSA leaves. 18. You’re The Boss- third.)

                                   SABRINA
          YOU‟RE THE BOSS, MAKE „EM BOSSABLE
          THEY OUGHT TO REVERE YOU, AND FEAR YOU IF POSSIBLE
          IN FACT, IT‟S AN ACT!
          IT‟S A CONFIDENCE SCHEME THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE CRACKED!


9/15/08
                                                              1-5-37


          IT‟S A TRICK! IT‟S A KICK!
          IT‟S A JOY TO BE PHONY
          YOU MAY WIN A TONY!
          MAKE THIS YOUR PRIORITY
          AND WATCH YOUR AUTHORITY ENLARGE --   YOU‟RE IN CHARGE!




9/15/08
                                                            1-6-38


                                SCENE 6

                                 Cubicle and office area rolled
                                 offstage, to reveal the reactor.
                                 Night. 19. Underscore: brooding.
                                 ELSA and MAGGIE are still at work.
                                 The reactor hisses quietly.

                             ELSA
Maggie? Still awake? I think I‟ve got something. Set the
pressure to thirty. Check the palladium level. Hydrogen
capture?

                                 MAGGIE
On.

                              ELSA
Set the current to threshold. This might be good.     Ready?

                                 MAGGIE
Ready.

                                 ELSA
Stand aside, systems are go.

            (ELSA throws a lever switch. Alarm bells ring.
            Smoke issues from the top of the reactor.
            20. Underscore: fizzle. Then a small explosion
            and sounds of motors winding down)

                              ELSA
          (after the noise has subsided)
It‟s no good.

                                 MAGGIE
Elsa?     Don‟t take it so personally! Are you all right?

                                ELSA
I give up.    I don‟t know what I‟m doing.

                                 MAGGIE
Elsa!     Stop thinking like that!

                                 ELSA
This is just too hard.

                                 MAGGIE


9/15/08
                                                                 1-6-39


Elsa!       It‟s almost working!   It almost worked just then!

                              ELSA
It almost blew up. It‟s as far away as ever. You know, I‟m not
sure that cold fusion can ever work.   And I‟m not sure I want
to waste the rest of my life finding out. Anyway, I'm out of
ideas.

                              MAGGIE
Did you try deuterium oxide with a rhodium co-catalyst?

                                   ELSA
What?

                              MAGGIE
Deuterium oxide with a rhodium co-catalyst! I do your
photocopying. Don't you read those papers?

                                   ELSA
Of course I do.       Anyway, I tried it.

                              MAGGIE
What about 3,7-dihydro-1,3,7-trimethyl-1H-purine-2,6-dione
monohydrate?

                                   ELSA
I can't say I've tried that.       But there's no reason to think it
would work.

                              MAGGIE
No reason to think it wouldn't, either.       You've got to keep
going!

                                   ELSA
Onward and upward, you mean.       The ascent of Mount Impossible.

                              MAGGIE
Improbable, Elsa. Extremely difficult. Not for the faint of
heart. But impossible? Come on! Absolutely not!
          (Spotlight on MAGGIE. 21. One Step After Another)

          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER
          CLIMBING THE LONELY TRAIL;
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER
          PAST WHERE THE SIGNPOSTS FAIL!
          NOT LOOKING BACK AND NEVER DISCOURAGED,
          CLIMB THOUGH YOUR LIMBS GROW WEAK --


9/15/08
                                                             1-6-40


          EYES ON THE GOAL, COURAGE IN YOUR SOUL --
          ON TO THE DISTANT PEAK.

          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER
          CLIMB THROUGH YOUR DOUBTS AND FEARS
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER
          WIPE OFF THE SWEAT AND TEARS;
          JUMPING THE STREAMS AND FORDING THE RIVERS,
          NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU‟LL FIND --
          ONWARD YOU TREAD, GAZING STRAIGHT AHEAD,
          LEAVING THE WORLD BEHIND!

                                   ELSA
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER
          SCALING THE ICY SLOPE;
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER,
          CLIMB WITH THE FIRE OF HOPE!
          NOT GIVING UP AND NEVER DEFEATED,
          CLIMB THROUGH YOUR OWN DESPAIR!
          UPWARD YOU GO, THROUGH THE RAIN AND SNOW --
          ON TO THE OPEN AIR!

                                   ELSA/MAGGIE
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER,
          CLIMB WHEN YOU CAN'T DRAW BREATH;
          ONE STEP AFTER ANOTHER,
          CLIMB THROUGH THE ZONE OF DEATH!
          CRAWL TO THE TOP, THEN STAND ON THE SUMMIT,
          STAND WITH YOUR FLAGS UNFURLED!
          FAR FROM THE CROWDS, HIGH ABOVE THE CLOUDS,
          STAND ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD!

               (TED enters, carrying a large stack of papers.)

                              TED
Am I interrupting something? I've got a new deliverable for
you. I just got a call from a very senior level in the
organization. Extremely senior. They've given me a very
important assignment that I'm passing on to you.

                                   ELSA
Thanks, Ted.       Extremely senior. We‟re flattered.

                              TED
This is a "far exceeds" assignment, provided you get it right.
Now listen. There's an inventor they want to bring in to
interview. His name is Leonardo da Quark. Hundreds of


9/15/08
                                                         1-6-41


inventions, top of the heap! A lot smarter than you or I, Elsa!
Or Maggie, needless to say. Now, here are the inventions. Your
task is to sort them into three piles.

                                 ELSA
Any three piles in particular?

                              TED
My instructions said three piles.

                              ELSA
Then how about "pile A", "pile B", and "pile C"?

                               TED
That should do it.   Or you could make it "pile A", "non-pile A",
and "other".

                                 ELSA
Other.

                             TED
For the rest. Could be quite a short pile. Aim for
approximately six inches. Can you have it ready by tomorrow
morning?

                              ELSA
Sure, if we spend all night on it.

                                 TED
Excellent.
          (TED heads out, then comes back)
And, Elsa, a piece of advice. When your manager makes a
request, you don't roll your eyes and stare at the ceiling. You
smile and say "of course". No matter how ridiculous you think
it may be. No matter how senseless. All right?

                                 ELSA
          (as TED leaves)
Maggie, are you ready? Let's see if this is for real.

                               MAGGIE
          (picking up first invention)
"Solar powered tanning booth".

                                 ELSA
Hmmm.     Other.



9/15/08
                                                       1-6-42


                               MAGGIE
"Other".
          (Picks up next invention)
"Lightweight steamroller for obese operator".
          (LEONARDO enters, bearing a suitcase)

                               ELSA
Other.

                              MAGGIE
"Umbrella for dog in shape of..."
          (SHE catches sight of LEONARDO)

                               ELSA
In shape of what?

                               MAGGIE
Can I help you?

                               LEONARDO
I think not!   I‟m here to help you!

                               MAGGIE
You are?   Who are you?

                              LEONARDO
Who am I, you ask! An Edison for the twenty-first century!      A
Lavoisier among pygmies! A Newton for the ages! Professor
Leonardo da Quark!
          (to ELSA)
And the answer to your question is sausage.




9/15/08
                                                             1-7-43


                                  SCENE 7

                                   Production number for LEONARDO. HE
                                   is dressed in a mechanical suit of
                                   his own invention. During the
                                   song, an umbrella automatically
                                   sprouts from a backpack, arm
                                   extensions appear, LEONARDO
                                   propels himself around the stage
                                   on wheels, performs magic tricks,
                                   etc. During the song, ELSA and
                                   MAGGIE exit. By the end of the
                                   song, the SCENE has changed back
                                   to the Board Room. 22. Professor
                                   of Hope.)

                                 LEONARDO
          WONDERFUL INVENTOR
          SAGE AND MENTOR
          NOTHING LIES BEYOND MY SCOPE!
          MAYBE YOU HAVE NEVER
          SEEN SUCH CLEVERNESS
          MEET THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

          KNOWLEDGE UNASSAILABLE
          NOW AVAILABLE!
          YOU WILL BE AMAZED TO KNOW
          ALMOST SUPERHUMAN
          WISDOM AND ACUMEN
          ALL THIS I FREELY BESTOW!

          ARE YOU IN CONFUSION,
          LACKING A CONCLUSION,
          FEELING THAT YOU JUST CAN'T COPE?
          BRING ME YOUR ENIGMA
          THERE'S NO STIGMA
          SEEK THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

          ARE YOU IN A CRISIS?
          MY ADVICE IS
          YOU SHOULD BE CONSULTING ME!
          LET ME STAND BESIDE YOU,
          HELP YOU, GUIDE YOU,
          ALL FOR A NOMINAL FEE!

          SUCH ADVICE, BE GLAD THAT YOU CAME TO ME!
          SUCH A PRICE, WHY, MERELY A TRIFLING FEE!


9/15/08
                                                              1-7-44




          SAY YOU'RE IN A PICKLE
          LIFE IS FICKLE
          LEFT ALONE, YOU BLINDLY GROPE!
          GOING DOWN THE DRAIN,
          YOU NEED A SECOND BRAIN!
          TRY ME, THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

          FACING A DILEMMA?
          NO PROBLEMA!
          SLIDING ON A SLIPPERY SLOPE?
          WHEN YOU‟RE IN A MUDDLE
          WHY NOT HUDDLE
          WITH THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

          MAYBE YOU‟RE DESPAIRING,
          LONG PAST CARING,
          YOU CAN SIT AROUND AND MOPE
          OR AT YOUR DISCRETION
          BOOK A LITTLE SESSION
          WITH THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

          ALL WAS LOST, BUT THEN YOU DISCOVERED ME!
          WHAT‟S THE COST? WHY, JUST MY CONSULTING FEE!

          APTITUDE AND FLAIR
          THE ANSWER TO YOUR PRAYER!
          INFALLIBLE AS ANY POPE!
          SCIENTIFIC GIANT
          SEEKING CLIENT
          I‟M THE PROFESSOR OF HOPE!

               (In the Board Room. Overhead screen shows
               "CHAPTER FOUR - A Brilliant Idea". JERRY and
               DIRK enter.)

                              LEONARDO
          (handing his card to JERRY)
Leonardo da Quark! The mind of a da Vinci -- the mystique of a
sub-atomic particle.

                              JERRY
Welcome to Global Atomic, Mr. da Quark!

                                   LEONARDO
Professor da Quark.



9/15/08
                                                            1-7-45


                              JERRY
          (studying the card)
Professor da Quark. Professor of hope! Did you bring some of
that hope along with you today, Professor?

                              LEONARDO
Naturally, Mr. Brillo. For many years I have been devoted to
your company. I have a personal commitment to returning it to
its former glory. My watchword is trust. My mantra is
integrity. So trust me, rely upon my integrity, and I may yet
save your company. I'm sure you're well aware of the critical
state of your business.

                               JERRY
Critical state? Nonsense!    We‟re in excellent shape with
nothing to worry about!

                              LEONARDO
In excellent shape with nothing to worry about.    Those were the
last words of the last Dodo.

                                 JERRY
The last Dodo?

                              LEONARDO
Heading on down to the tar pits.

                                 JERRY
Heading on down…oh.   Hold on.    You mean…to extinction?

                              LEONARDO
Your business is in trouble. Your scientists are in trouble.
You are in trouble. But, my dear Mr. Brillo! There is no need
to fear. I can dispel your troubles. Instantly. With a
stunning invention, protected by the strongest international
patents, that I humbly believe will make all present-day
technology obsolete. I am proud to announce that I have brought
this invention with me to your office today.

                                 JERRY
Wonderful. Thank you.
          (pause)
Are we allowed to see it?

                              LEONARDO
          (indicating his suitcase)
You are looking at it now.


9/15/08
                                                           1-7-46




                                JERRY
Where?    This?

                              LEONARDO
The very same!
          (JERRY peers at the suitcase)

                                JERRY
          (pulling DIRK aside)
I'm confused. Is he telling me he invented the suitcase?

                               LEONARDO
Mr. Brillo!   The invention is inside the suitcase!

                              JERRY
Ah, inside the suitcase! Very well, are you going to open the
suitcase and show us the invention?

                              LEONARDO
For a small consideration, yes.
          (pause)
A token of trust. A symbol of integrity.     That is all that I
ask.

                              DIRK
Exactly how much trust and integrity are we talking about?

                              LEONARDO
Ah, how I hate the distasteful subject of money.    How much is
the future of your company worth to you?

                                JERRY
Oh, I don't know.   Dirk?   A hundred dollars?   Two hundred?

                              LEONARDO
You are a most amusing man, Mr. Brillo. Such a humorist.
          (pause)
For the laughably affordable sum of five million dollars,
payable in advance, I shall give you the key to the suitcase.

                              JERRY
Five million dollars? You must be out of your mind!     We don't
even know what the invention is!




9/15/08
                                                           1-7-47


                              LEONARDO
But you have my word, Mr. Brillo, that it will transform your
company. Are you doubting my integrity? After all that we said
about trust?

                              JERRY
I've heard enough, Professor. Trust me. More than enough.
          (Ushers LEONARDO towards the door)
It‟s time for this interview to end. Thank you, thank you.

                                 LEONARDO
Think about it, Mr. Brillo!     I‟m expecting your call! I'll be
back!

           (LEONARDO departs.   JERRY turns to DIRK, not amused)

                             JERRY
Well, Dirk. The Professor of Hope.     That's your idea of a chief
technology officer?

                              DIRK
Possibly not officer calibre, I agree.

                                JERRY
Not officer calibre?    He's a nutcase!

                              DIRK
Correction: he may, possibly, be a nutcase. Look at this
logically, Jerry. Either a) he's a nutcase or b) he's not a
nutcase. Let's assume first that he is a nutcase. The question
then becomes: should we employ a nutcase as a corporate officer?
With me so far? The answer to that question is maybe. He could
be an inventive nutcase. He could be a brilliant nutcase.
We'll only know for sure if we see his invention.

                                JERRY
I see.    What about case b), not a nutcase?

                              DIRK
I don't think we need to spend much time on that.

                                JERRY
          (to   AUDIENCE, as DIRK leaves)
Decisiveness.    A great gift that I have. You can't be a CEO
without being   a decisioner. Dirk made a good case for opening
the suitcase.    On the other hand, I could save the company five
million bucks   by not opening the suitcase. Hard to make up your


9/15/08
                                                           1-7-48


mind. But real life sometimes forces your hand. As it did in
this case. I first found out that something was wrong in the TV
business report.

             (On the overhead screen, we see the "Evening
                           Business Report")

                              PHIL
          (on screen)
And now some stocks in the news tonight. In a bad day on Wall
Street, one of the biggest losers was Global Atomic Corporation.
What's going on, Stan?

                              STAN
All I can say, Phil, is that no news is bad news from Global
Atomic. They got a new CEO a few weeks ago, but no new
direction or new products.

                                 PHIL
It's a pretty ugly chart.     Global Atomic bomb, you might say.
Mary?

                              MARY
I agree with Stan. Brillo's a real disappointment. A do-
nothing CEO and a sagging business. My advice: sell this dog.

          (SCREEN FADE OUT)

                                 JERRY
          (to AUDIENCE)
Well! At moments like this I turn to my books. “Twelve Habits
For The Effective Billionaire”. “Go inward”, it says here. A
CEO has to be able to take most anything the analysts can dish
out, and this I can certainly do.
          (getting into cross-legged position)
I turn to my yoga. I meditate. I merge. "Global Atomic bomb?"
Om. "Do-nothing CEO?" Om. "Sell this dog"? O...O...m..

          (He's now in meditation. DREAM sequence.
          Characters appear lit behind scrims.
          23. Underscore: Hallucination.)

                              JONES
I‟ve another idea for you...work smarter, not harder!




9/15/08
                                                         1-7-49


                              LEONARDO
Trust me, rely upon my integrity, and I may yet save your
company!

                              DIRK
Either a) he's a nutcase or b) he's not a nutcase.

                              PHIL
Global Atomic bomb, you might say!

                               JONES
Work smarter, not harder!

                              LEONARDO
The invention is inside the suitcase!

                              JERRY
          (to AUDIENCE, suddenly out of the zone)
I‟ve got it! Work smarter! In other words, let someone else do
the work for you! We have to call back the professor! Dirk!
Sabrina! Ted! We have to see the inside of that suitcase!

          (24. Underscore: DA QUARK. SABRINA, DIRK and
          TED rush on. Then Leonardo enters with a
          fluorish)

                               LEONARDO
So, Mr. Brillo!   I see that you've changed your mind!

                              JERRY
I have to admit, you were right, Professor.

                               LEONARDO
I am always right.

                               JERRY
Dirk, write him a check!

                              LEONARDO
Thank you. And here's your key!
          (JERRY opens the case and takes out its contents:
          a flashlight)

                               JERRY
What's this?   A flashlight?




9/15/08
                                                          1-7-50




                              LEONARDO
A flashlight, yes, but more than a flashlight. This flashlight
represents the first step along the shining path to a new future
for humanity. Cold fusion, Mr. Brillo. The end of the energy
crisis. The power source for the new millennium.

                               JERRY
You've lost me, Professor.   It sure looks like a flashlight to
me.

                              LEONARDO
A flashlight, brilliantly bright, yet containing an unexpected
ingredient. Hold out your hands.
          (LEONARDO unscrews the end of the flashlight, and
          pours out some water into Jerry's hands)

                               JERRY
What's this?

                              LEONARDO
My dear Mr. Brillo. No danger involved, I can assure you.
Observe.
          (LEONARDO drinks from the flashlight)
Water. Delicious. Are you familiar with cold fusion, Mr.
Brillo?

                               JERRY
Not intimately.

                              LEONARDO
Cold fusion is a way to extract electricity from water.

                               JERRY
Now hold on, hold on.   Are you saying this flashlight is powered
by water?

                              LEONARDO
Am I called the Professor of Hope for nothing?

                              DIRK
This could be exciting, Jerry...portable power!   Renewable
power!

                              SABRINA
Water-powered cell phones!



9/15/08
                                                               1-7-51




                                    TED
Water-powered ...lawnmowers!

                              JERRY
No more batteries? No more gasoline? No more oil? It boggles
the mind, Professor! At last, this is what I was born for! An
opportunity that I can grasp by the throat! It‟s time for
leadership! My leadership!

                              LEONARDO
Hold on, hold on, Mr. Brillo. Not so fast, if you please. Your
first payment merely unlocked the suitcase. There is a second
payment required before I can part with the technical blueprint.

                                   JERRY
A second payment?

                              LEONARDO
Rather more substantial, naturally, involving as it does the
transfer of intellectual property.

                              JERRY
All right, we have to do it! We can afford it! We‟ll raise
some money! We‟ll beg, borrow or steal! Sabrina! Get the word
out! I want the biggest promotion in the history of the
company! This is a big idea! An enormous idea! Bigger even
...than the Sucker Upper paper towel!

          (JERRY strikes an attitude.         25. Let Your Deliverables
Inspire You.)
                              JERRY
     WITH THE POWER OF INVENTION
     WE CAN BUILD LASTING WORTH!

                                   DIRK
          AND IT‟S NOW OUR INTENTION
          TO STAND UP AND ELECTRIFY THE EARTH!

                                   TED
          WITH THIS WONDER OF TECHNOLOGY
          WE‟LL FLOOD THE WORLD WITH LIGHT!

                                   SABRINA
          IF YOU BUY THIS MYTHOLOGY
          YOU‟LL BELIEVE THAT WE‟RE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!



9/15/08
                                                             1-7-52


                                   JERRY
          THEY PREDICTED WE WERE FINISHED

                                   DIRK
          THEY EXPECTED WE WOULD DIE

                                   JERRY/DIRK/SABRINA/TED
          BUT OUR HOPES WERE UNDIMINISHED
          AND WE‟RE REACHING FOR THE SKY!

          SO LET‟S HANG ON TOGETHER
          THIS WILL BE OUR FINEST HOUR
          AS WE RECLAIM OUR FAMOUS NAME:
          “THE POWER BEHIND THE POWER!”

                              JERRY
Ted! I‟m putting you in charge! Project manager! Put together
a plan! No expense spared! Milestones and deliverables!
Prepare to present to the Board of Directors in three weeks. I
want this baby ready in time for the holidays!

               (LEONARDO produces a long contract that TED signs
               in various places. At the end, they shake hands.
               LEONARDO beckons and MAGGIE enters with another
               huge pile of documents.)

Ted, this is a big assignment.       Let me give you some advice.

          LET YOUR DELIVERABLES INSPIRE YOU
          DRIVE TO A QUALITY PARADIGM
          ARE YOU TRULY THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX?
          IF SO YOU'LL SWEEP ASIDE THOSE TRIVIAL MENTAL BLOCKS!

          BENCHMARK THE CUSTOMER EXPECTATIONS!
          ROADMAP ACTIVITIES OUT IN TIME!
          LET YOUR DELIVERABLES INSPIRE YOU
          AND YOUR PERSONAL STOCK WILL CLIMB!

          LET YOUR DELIVERABLES INSPIRE YOU
          CHECK THAT YOUR COMPETENCIES ARE CORE!
          KEEP ACCOUNTABILITY AS YOUR GOAL,
          AND ALWAYS WORK WITH PROACTIVITY IN CONTROL!

          SEEK OUT YOUR MANAGER FOR EMPOWERMENT:
          THAT'S WHAT THE SENIOR STAFF IS FOR!
          LET YOUR DELIVERABLES INSPIRE YOU
          AND YOUR PERSONAL STOCK WILL SOAR!


9/15/08
                                                        1-8-53


                              SCENE 8

                               Overhead screen shows "CHAPTER
                               FIVE - A Setback". The laboratory
                               with the reactor. ELSA sits at
                               her console, playing with
                               LEONARDO‟s flashlight. TED
                               breezes in, now dressed in much
                               finer apparel.

                              TED
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! One hundred million dollars
for the new project! Promoted to Assistant Vice President!
Which is second only to Associate Vice President! Which reports
to Vice President itself! Which is only one floor below Senior
Vice President! Which is within a few strides of Executive Vice
President! Which is at the other end of a well-carpeted
corridor from...what is it?

                              ELSA
You didn't read my report, then.

                               TED
Smile, Elsa.   This is a happy day!   What report?

                              ELSA
The one I put on your desk, marked "urgent".

                              TED
I did read it. I'm sure I did.
          (long pause)
Elsa, you should be congratulating me on my schedule
presentation. One hundred and twenty-seven very colorful
slides. So good that they stopped me on slide three and that
was that. It was also time for lunch, of course.

                              ELSA
I took a look at the professor's flashlight.

                               TED
And?

                               ELSA
It doesn't work.




9/15/08
                                                                 1-8-54


                             TED
Doesn't work? What do you mean, it doesn't work?         We saw it
working with our own eyes.

                              ELSA
Well, look here.
         (ELSA turns on the light and shines it at TED)

                                  TED
See?      It works!

                                  ELSA
Watch.
             (ELSA opens the end and pours out all the water.
             Then she turns the light on again. It works as
             before.)

                                 TED
Your point being..., Elsa?     It works!

                                  ELSA
But it's not supposed to.      I poured out the water.    It's
supposed to run on water.

                              TED
Maybe there's still some water stuck inside. Shake it!
          (ELSA shakes the flashlight. It still works)
In a secret compartment, perhaps.

                              ELSA
Oh, there's a secret compartment, all right.     With a battery in
it.

                                  TED
I'm sorry?

                                  ELSA
You heard me.     A battery.   Without which it really doesn't work.

                             TED
Hold on, hold on! You're saying it's a fake?       You're saying
we've been tricked?

                              ELSA
No, there's no trick. He never actually said that this
flashlight was powered by water. In fact, the contract you



9/15/08
                                                          1-8-55


negotiated says quite explicitly that it isn't.   It was in my
report. That you read.

                              TED
Be so kind as to refresh my memory.

                              ELSA
This is a copy of the contract that you signed. Page six
hundred and three, Paragraph 305, subclause T. Pretty small
print.
          (she picks up out a magnifying glass and reads)
Blah, blah, blah...and, twenty-ninthly, it is hereby
acknowledged by both parties that any demonstration of said
article prior to purchase of said technical information is of a
conceptual nature and for intended for illustrative purposes
only.

                              TED
Let me see that. Illustrative purposes only?    Then...then what
did we buy for twenty million dollars?

                              ELSA
A few pages of faulty calculations and a flashlight from
Walmart. You need to go back to the board and tell them you
made a mistake. On further review, you can't recommend
proceeding any further.

                             TED
No! I can't do that! Are you mad? They've announced the
product! It's going to be ready in the third quarter! In time
for the holidays!

                              ELSA
They'll have to un-announce it.

                              TED
          (distracted)
They can't! They can't!   The stock's gone up already!   We could
all go to jail!

                              ELSA
I don't think we'd all go to jail.    Why do you think they had
you execute the contract?

                             TED
What are you saying? Oh, my God! You mean it's …it‟s all on my
shoulders? My shoulders? These poor, weak, inadequate...How


9/15/08
                                                             1-8-56


could I be expected to read the whole contract?       I‟ve never seen
such fine print!

                              ELSA
Mr. Slack. Listen to me. You've got only one choice. You have
to go to Mr. Brillo and tell him that the flashlight doesn't
work. You're sorry you signed the contract, but it was an
honest, albeit rather stupid, mistake.

                              TED
No, no, no, no, no! Rule number one: never, ever, ever bring
bad news to your boss! Especially not when he's the CEO! I
stick to one phrase with him, and that phrase is: "Yes, Mr.
Brillo". How can I use those three words to convey the
awfulness of this? I'm...I'm not feeling well. Please...take
my elbow...help me...
          (ELSA guides TED to a chair)
Thank you. Would you be so good as to pat my head?
          (ELSA does as he asks)

                                   ELSA
Should I call a doctor?

                                   TED
Unnecessary.       Just say: "Everything's all going to be all right,
Mr. Slack".

                              ELSA
Everything's all going to be all right, Mr. Slack.

                                   TED
Say it again.

                              ELSA
Everything's all going to be all right, Mr. Slack.

                              TED
Thank you, Elsa. I know it is. I'm feeling a lot better now.
          (HE thinks)
You didn't send out that report, did you?

                                   ELSA
No.       I thought it was too sensitive.

                                   TED
Has anyone else seen it?



9/15/08
                                                            1-8-57


                                  ELSA
No.

                                  TED
No.       No?
          (suddenly sits up)
In that case, we are going to be all right! Elsa! You've got
to destroy that report, and write a new one. An endorsement of
my Board presentation.

                                  ELSA
Why would I want to do that?

                              TED
Because nobody needs to know that the flashlight doesn‟t work.
And here's why! I'm about to give you the chance of a lifetime.
Listen, Elsa, sit down. I've got an assignment for you! Your
new assignment...how much do you know about cold fusion?

                             ELSA
Quite a bit. I've been working on it for the last five years in
your laboratory.

                              TED
You have? Good, good. We're going to stick to the original
schedule laid out on slide one hundred and twenty six of my
presentation. We're not taking back one single word from one
single slide. Forget the professor. We're going to deliver
cold fusion. Together. Well, not really together. You're
going to deliver it under my direction.

                                  ELSA
I'm ...what?

                              TED
Get inventing. You've got one hundred million dollars to spend.
You're going to solve the problem of getting electricity from
water.

                                  ELSA
I am?       By when?

                                   TED
Two weeks.       The first milestone. Demonstration of the lab
prototype.




9/15/08
                                                                1-8-58


                              ELSA
No, Ted. You're asking me to solve a problem that nobody's been
able to crack for twenty years.

                              TED
But think about it! How often do you get a chance like this?             A
hundred million dollars to spend, and a far, far, far exceeds
grade at the end!

                              ELSA
And if it doesn't work, what then?

                              TED
Well, naturally, failure's not an option, Elsa. You're a
brilliant scientist. That's why I'm choosing you!
          (TED gets up to leave)
You're going to deliver the greatest deliverable in the history
of this company! Think about it! Think about it.
          (TED tiptoes out, then peeps around the door)
Think...about it.

                                   ELSA
          (after pause)
I'll do it!
          (SHE draws a deep breath.       26. My Turn.)

          WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO FIND ME
          WAITING FOR THE STARS TO LINE UP
          WAITING FOR THE SPOTLIGHT
          WAITING FOR A SIGN THAT
          SOMETHING, SOMETHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN
          THIS TIME, THIS TIME, THIS TIME AROUND IT‟S MY TURN
          MY TURN, MY TURN, THIS TIME AROUND...

          WISHING THAT THE WORLD WOULD PUSH ME
          HOPING FOR A CHANCE TO PERFORM
          SEARCHING FOR A TEST AND
          LONGING FOR A CHALLENGE;
          THIS TIME, SOMETHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN
          THIS TIME, THIS TIME, THIS TIME AROUND IT‟S MY TURN
          IT'S MY TURN, IT'S MY TURN, IT'S MY TURN...

              (SHE races to her desk, pulls out a volume, and
              scans it feverishly. Pulls out another book, and
              another. Then snaps the last book shut and sighs
              ecstatically)



9/15/08
                                                                1-8-59


          WAITING FOR THIS GOLDEN MOMENT
          WAITING ALL MY LIFE
          THANK YOU FOR THE SPOTLIGHT
          THANK YOU FOR THE CHALLENGE
          THIS TIME, SOMETHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN
          THIS TIME, THIS TIME, THIS TIME AROUND IT‟S MY TIME
          THIS TIME IT'S MY TIME, IT'S MY TIME!

               (BLACKOUT. Then overhead screen shows "CHAPTER
               SIX - A Breakthrough". 27. Underscore:
               Anticipation. Lights come up to reveal ELSA and
               MAGGIE working on the reactor. TED is pacing
               about, anxiously)

                                   TED
Is it finished yet?

                                   ELSA
Ted!       Have patience.

                              TED
It‟s the first milestone! Demonstration of prototype! The
whole management team is waiting!
          (ELSA does not respond. Ted is a picture of
          anxiety)
I‟m bringing them in. They can‟t just hang around in the
corridor.
          (TED motions and JERRY, SABRINA, DIRK and JONES
          enter)
Come in, come in. We‟re ready to go.

                              JERRY
This is your flashlight? It seems to have grown a bit, Ted.
This is a pretty big flashlight, Dr. Watson.

                              ELSA
Forget flashlights, Mr. Brillo. This is bigger than flashlights
in every way. This thing's going to generate power. A lot of
power.

                              TED
Yes, thank you, Elsa, let me say it, will you? This is a cold
fusion reactor, Mr. Brillo. Heat comes from...er...the thermal
energy...those little molecules jiggling around…




9/15/08
                                                         1-8-60


                              JERRY
Ok, OK, I get the physics. I worked in the paper industry, Ted.
What am I going to see when you turn it on?

                              ELSA
We've hooked it up to a bank of lights. The more power it
makes, the more they light up. Now, I just need a bit more
time, Mr. Brillo.

                              JERRY
Go ahead.  As I say, I understand research.
          (to JONES)
Reminds me of the time I had to face low absorbency.   It wasn‟t
pretty.
          (after a brief pause)
What are you doing?

                              ELSA
It just takes longer if I talk.

                                 JERRY
Oh.  Sorry.
          (whispering, to TED)
What's she doing?

                              TED
She's attaching a wire to a piece of metal.
          (pause)
Now she's pouring liquid into a container.
          (pause)
Now she's turning a knob.

                                 JERRY
Why's she doing that?

                                 TED
          (after pause)
I'm not sure.

                                 ELSA
I‟m ready.

            (ELSA slowly walks over to the switch on the
            console, and turns it on. 28. Underscore:
            Transformation. The reactor slowly comes to
            life. Smoke appears from the top. Then the core
            starts to glow red, then orange. Lights start


9/15/08
                                                       1-8-61


          switching on, in sequence, all over the stage.
          By the end, the stage is a blaze of glory. ELSA
          and MAGGIE hug each other with joy. The
          executives stare at the scene with gaping jaws)

END OF ACT ONE
--------




9/15/08
                                                             2-1-62


                                  ACT TWO

                                  SCENE 1

                                   The Board Room at Global Atomic
                                   Corporation. On the overhead
                                   screen, the TV business report.
                                   Below, JERRY, DIRK, SABRINA, TED,
                                   JONES, watching the TV excitedly.
                                   29. Underscore: TV Theme

                              PHIL
Let's take a look at some stocks in the news tonight. A good
day for Global Atomic. Up five percent to a new fifty-two week
high. What's your take, Stan?

                              STAN
They're on a roll, Phil. Brillo's making some smart moves, and
they've got this new flashlight technology.

                                   PHIL
Mary?

                             MARY
I agree with Stan. New products, cost reduction, outsourcing.
Sounds like a winner.

                              PHIL
Last time we spoke, the stock was at five, and you had a "sell"
recommendation. Now it's at eighty, what do you say?

                              MARY
We've got a strong buy at these levels, Phil.

                                  STAN
Strong buy from us as well.      Jerry Brillo‟s the real thing.

              (Lights come up on the executives.   30. And The
              Stock Goes Up)

                                   JERRY/DIRK/SABRINA/TED/JONES
          THE COMPANY'S HOT, ALL THE ANALYSTS AGREE
          THEY SAY IT IN THE PRESS, THEY SAY IN ON TV
          THE WALL STREET BROKERS LIKE WHAT THEY SEE
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

          THE ECONOMISTS FORECAST TRIPLE-DIGIT GROWTH


9/15/08
                                                              2-1-63


          IN THE LONG OR THE SHORT TERM, NOT OF COURSE IN BOTH
          IT FEELS LIKE THE TRUTH, BUT THEY'RE NOT UNDER OATH
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

                                     PHIL/MARY/STAN
               (on screen)
          BUY, BUY WHILE IT'S HIGH
          BUY WHILE IT'S CLIMBING
          INTO THE SKY!

          WHAT A PRICE!
          NO NEED TO THINK TWICE
          BORROW THE MONEY
          THAT'S OUR ADVICE!

                                   JERRY/DIRK/SABRINA/TED/JONES
          SO WE'VE CUT DOWN COSTS, THERE'S PLENTY WE CAN SQUEEZE
          WE'VE SHUT DOWN PLANTS AND MOVED THEM OVERSEAS
          NOW THE STAFF'S UNDERPAID BUT THEY'RE ALL CHINESE
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

          WE DOWNSIZED THE MATCH TO THE 401 K
          WE RIGHTSIZED THE PENSION UNTIL IT WENT AWAY
          AND WE UPSIZED THE RATE OF EXECUTIVE PAY
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

               (THEY do a dance of triumph)

          WE BORROWED QUITE A BIT TO HELP US WITH OUR GOALS
          WE BYPASSED A FEW CONVENTIONAL CONTROLS
          CREATIVE ACCOUNTING COVERS UP THE HOLES
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

          WE SET UP A SHELL THAT CARRIES ALL THE DEBT
          WE THINK YOU CAN TELL THAT'S A PRETTY SMART BET
          THIS CORPSE DOESN'T SMELL, OR AT LEAST NOT YET
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

                                     PHIL/MARY/STAN
               (on screen)
          BUY, BUY WHILE IT'S HIGH
          BUY WHILE IT'S CLIMBING
          INTO THE SKY!

          IT'S FOR REAL!
          THE STOCK IS A STEAL
          BORROW THE MONEY


9/15/08
                                                               2-1-64


          OH, WHAT A DEAL!
                                   JERRY/DIRK/SABRINA/TED/JONES
          WE'VE EXPANDED SOME MORE, THERE'S A DISCONCERTING BLOAT
          THIS SHIP'S SO BIG IT'S AMAZING IT CAN FLOAT
          YOU HAVE TO AGREE IT'S A HELL OF A BOAT
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP...

          WE'RE TWENTY TIMES BIGGER THAN WE'VE EVER BEEN BEFORE
          BUT THE STREET'S DISAPPOINTED AND WANTING EVEN MORE
          SO WE'VE DRAWN UP A PLAN TO ACQUIRE SINGAPORE
          AND THE STOCK GOES UP!

          AND   THE   STOCK...AND THE STOCK
          AND   THE   STOCK...AND THE STOCK
          AND   THE   STOCK...AND THE STOCK
          AND   THE   STOCK GOES UP!

                 (Overhead screen shows “CHAPTER SEVEN - A Costly
                 Error”. 31. Underscore: Ominous. TED and JONES
                 exit. JERRY gets ready for a media interview)

                                       DIRK
Another interview, Jerry?

                              JERRY
Another interview! If it‟s Tuesday, it must be CNN.         It‟s a
tough job, Dirk, but someone has to do it.

                             SABRINA
This is an important one. Remember the key points. A new
direction for the company. Attacking the energy crisis head-on.

                              JERRY
Yes, thank you, Sabrina, I know what I‟m going to say.
          (phone rings)
Who can that be?
          (DIRK picks up phone)

                                       DIRK
It‟s Leonardo da Quark!
          (into phone)
Put him through.
          (hands the phone to JERRY)

                              JERRY
Yes, Professor. Yes! Yes.
          (obviously the conversation is taking a bad turn)


9/15/08
                                                        2-1-65


I‟m about to be interviewed by CNN. Yes. Of course you deserve
your share of the recognition. It‟s your invention, I know
that. I understand your feelings. Selfish? Wait a moment, I
wouldn‟t call it “hogging the credit” exactly…listen, can I put
you on hold for a minute?
          (to DIRK)
He seems miffed.
          (hesitates)
I‟ll leave him on hold. Give him a chance to calm down.

                              DIRK
So what are you about to tell CNN?

                              JERRY
I‟m using this opportunity to lay out my new strategy. A change
in direction. A new, glowing future for the company and the
world.

                                     DIRK
Ah.       How very bold of you.

                              JERRY
Forget flashlights. What we‟ve got here is much bigger than
flashlights. We‟re going to generate power. A lot of power.
Enough power to power the world!
          (pause)
What‟s the matter?

                                   DIRK
Oh, nothing.       I‟m admiring your courage.

                                     JERRY
Courage?

                                     DIRK
Your guts.       Quite impressive.

                                     JERRY
Guts?

                                   DIRK
Fortitude.       Strength of character.

                              JERRY
Strength of character? Dirk, you‟re alarming me.   What‟s wrong
with my laying out my new strategy?



9/15/08
                                                          2-1-66


                              DIRK
Nothing! You‟re the CEO. It‟s up to you. But, since you
asked, here‟s a few things to think about. Number one, you‟ve
already promised to introduce a flashlight. I take it you‟re
planning to go back on that promise.

                                 SABRINA
Dirk, back off.

                              JERRY
No, of course I‟m not going back on my promises. But first
things first. Surely a solution to the world‟s energy crisis
must be more important than a flashlight!

                             DIRK
Maybe. But not necessarily. Wall Street‟s expecting a
flashlight. Investors put in good money, expecting a
flashlight. I‟m not saying you couldn‟t weather the law suits.

                                 JERRY
Law suits?

                              DIRK
Failing to deliver a return could be serious business. No
water-powered flashlight this year. No water-powered mobile
phone the next. No water-powered music player the year after
that. No source of revenue for many years to come.

                             JERRY
Not in the short term, no. But what about the future of
humanity? What about the long term, Dirk?

                              DIRK
Those who fail in the short term tend not to make it to the long
term. Let me ask you this. How long do you think it would take
to develop a power station? Five years? Ten years?

                                 JERRY
In that ballpark.

                                 SABRINA
Dirk!     I don‟t understand your game!

                             DIRK
And how much will it cost? Let‟s take a guess.   Ten billion
dollars! One hundred billion dollars!



9/15/08
                                                          2-1-67


                              JERRY
You know, I‟m sick of your niggling, penny-pinching arguments.
You‟re missing the grand vision.

                              DIRK
Then what about regulation? EPA, FDA, AEA. Government approval
can be tough. Add to that the opposition of the oil companies.
          (pause)
Stick with the flashlight, Jerry.

                                SABRINA
The flashlight? A flashlight?     When you can generate enough
electricity to power a city?

                              JERRY
One hundred billion dollars, you think? That is a lot of money.
And ten years is a long time. Regulators, oil companies, the
Federal Government...

                              SABRINA
Don‟t listen to him, Jerry! This…this is a historic moment.
You have the chance to do something important. To rid the world
of dependency on oil. To provide generations to come with clean
energy. Of course it will take time! Of course it will take
courage!

                              JERRY
But there you have it, you see. Time! Courage! Where can we
find those? Let‟s start small and work our way up! We won‟t
lose the other stuff! Otherwise we‟d over-reach and I‟d…I‟d be
gone before it was all ready!

                              DIRK
I‟ll say this for Sabrina‟s plan: you would earn your place in
history. Eventually. In the course of time. Final recognition
a hundred years or so after your death.

                              JERRY
That‟s terrible! I need to be recognized now.
          (pause)
I‟ve been led astray. I‟m not blaming you, Sabrina. This is
the fault of Ted Slack! He‟s the one who got us off course!
He‟s the one who abandoned the flashlight idea!
          (pause)
I‟ve made a mistake, haven‟t I? I‟ve delegated too much. I‟ve
been too trusting. I should have listened to my own inner



9/15/08
                                                           2-1-68


voice, not the voices of others. I should have gone with my own
gut! But enough is enough! I‟ll speak to Ted immediately.
          (pause)
Unless…unless Ted‟s the wrong man for the job. Do you think Ted
needs to be replaced?

                               DIRK
Undoubtedly.   But who could you replace him with?

                             JERRY
That‟s a tough one.
          (pause)
Well, no! It‟s not tough at all! It‟s obvious!

                              SABRINA
It‟s certainly not obvious to me.

                              JERRY
That‟s why I‟m the CEO and you‟re not!   The Professor!

                               SABRINA
The professor!   Just when things could get no worse.

                               JERRY
He‟s the inventor!   Who better to get us back on track!And,
look here…
          (grabs some papers)
Ted endorsed his ideas. Elsa endorsed his ideas. He‟s someone
the whole community can rally around! Speak to him, Dirk.
Speak to him. Give him whatever he wants.

                               DIRK
He won‟t come cheap.

                              JERRY
Excellence has its price, Dirk! Oh, and, needless to say, no
need to tell Ted about this right away.

                               SABRINA
Of course not.   We‟ll save it up as a nasty surprise.

                              JERRY
That‟s not what I meant, Sabrina. You know me better than that.

                              DIRK
We both know exactly what you mean, Jerry.   I‟ll talk to the
Professor if you want me to.


9/15/08
                                                         2-1-69




                              JERRY
We‟ll raise the standard of the whole place.   A rising tide
lifts the whole...the whole enchilada!




9/15/08
                                                         2-2-70


                               SCENE 2

                                The laboratory. DIRK and
                                LEONARDO. 32. Underscore: DA
                                QUARK Again.

                                LEONARDO
On hold for four days!

                                DIRK
I‟m sorry.

                              LEONARDO
My inventions plagiarized and plundered!

                                DIRK
I‟m so very sorry.

                                LEONARDO
Discarded like a soiled rag!

                               DIRK
The blame is ours.   I apologize on behalf of the company.

                              LEONARDO
I can‟t be placated that easily, Mr. Stoat. Oh, no.
          (strides over to the reactor)
So this is what she‟s done with my invention. Not small and
elegant.

                                DIRK
Not at all.

                               LEONARDO
You can't carry this around.   Not like my flashlight.

                                DIRK
No.

                              LEONARDO
Why couldn‟t she just follow my procedures?

                               DIRK
I don‟t know, Professor.   Why couldn‟t she?




9/15/08
                                                         2-2-71


                               LEONARDO
Obviously because of ego!   Because of professional jealousy!

                              DIRK
Possibly.   But, knowing you as I do, it‟s also possible that
your invention didn‟t quite work as advertised.

                              LEONARDO
My dear Mr. Stoat! I never claimed that my demonstration
actually worked! It was, as I spelled out in my contract, for
illustrative purposes only! If you recall, I said: "this
flashlight represents the first step along the path to a new
future for humanity". Represents, Mr. Stoat. Not "is". I
provided a concept - the concept of power generated from water!
The tedious work of detail is far below the dignity of Da Quark!

                              DIRK
I hear you. But surely, isn't there a rather substantial gap
between your vague idea and the working model? Wouldn't you
think that our company, and Mr. Brillo, deserve at least some of
the credit?

                                  LEONARDO
Mr. Brillo?   No credit at all!

                                  DIRK
Then what about Elsa Watson?

                              LEONARDO
Elsa Watson? If I hadn't presented her with the idea in the
first place, she'd have done nothing! Her so-called brilliant
work is nothing but a reduction to practice! Yet, now I find
her soaking up all the praise, and no mention whatsoever of the
inventor himself, namely me, Leonardo da Quark!

                              DIRK
Well, I seem to remember writing you a substantial check,
professor.

                              LEONARDO
Hah! This is not about the money! This is about my reputation!
My legacy! I'm a humble man, Mr. Stoat. All I ever wanted was
to be remembered as a great inventor. To be held up as a
shining example to aspiring youth! Is that so much to ask?




9/15/08
                                                                2-2-72


                              DIRK
          (shrugging)
I‟d have to say, considering your actual accomplishments...

                                   LEONARDO
Now that dream has withered.       Elsa Watson will be remembered.
Da Quark will be forgotten.

                              DIRK
Maybe. Or maybe not. Dr. Watson is getting a little too big
for her lab coat, in the opinion of some of us.
          (pause)
How about this for an idea? Why don't you join the management
team?

                                   LEONARDO
Me?

                              DIRK
Chief Technology Officer. Grab all the credit you want. Direct
all the work. Put your name on all the patents. Best of all,
Elsa Watson will have to report...to you!

                             LEONARDO
Hmm. Chief Technology Officer? Ingenious. This may work for
me. But...will she be willing to take direction?

                              DIRK
Of course she will. Let‟s put the power back where it belongs.
In the executive suite, far away from the messy laboratory. I
understand precisely how you feel. It‟s never fun to be
outclassed by a colleague. But the world has a way of turning,
Professor! A wonderful way of turning!

               (HE adopts an avuncular expression.     33. When A
               Star Comes Down to the Ground)

          OF ALL OF THE BLOWS
          WITH WHICH YOU'LL BE CURSED
          SUCCESS OF YOUR PEERS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST
          BUT ALL OF YOUR WOES
          ARE SWIFTLY DISPERSED
          THAT WONDERFUL DAY WHEN THEIR BUBBLE WILL BURST!

          HANG ON, HANG ON, THEIR LUCK WILL BE GONE
          YOU'LL SEE THEIR FORTUNE ERODE
          PERHAPS, PERHAPS, THEIR FAME WILL COLLAPSE


9/15/08
                                                             2-2-73


          THEIR REPUTATION IMPLODE!
          AT LAST, AT LAST, THEIR TIME WILL BE PAST
          THEY'LL BE NO LONGER AROUND!
          ATTITUDE TURNS TO GRATITUDE
          WHEN A STAR COMES DOWN TO THE GROUND!

                                    LEONARDO
          THEY GO UP, THEY'LL COME DOWN!
          WE CAN PRAY THAT THEY'LL LAND WITH A CRASH!
          FROM THE TOP, THERE'S A DROP --
          THEY'LL BE MAKING THEIR ULTIMATE SPLASH!
          THEY'LL ARRIVE IN A DIVE
          AND A CRUNCH IS A WONDERFUL SOUND!
          GLORIOUS, IT'S UPROARIOUS
          WHEN A STAR CRASHES DOWN TO THE GROUND!

                              DIRK
As Chief Technology Officer, you'll have some very gratifying
punishments at your disposal.

                                   LEONARDO
Such as?

                              DIRK
You can cancel her project and go back to your flashlight.

                                   LEONARDO
I can?

                                   DIRK
Up to you. And there's more.        You can assign her to the "total
quality ownership" team.

                                   LEONARDO
Wonderful!

                              DIRK
You can put her through team building exercises!

                                   LEONARDO
Delicious!

                                   DIRK
Diversity training!       With a triracial facilitator!

                              LEONARDO
I never thought this could happen!


9/15/08
                                                              2-2-74




                              DIRK
          (barely able to contain his mirth)
After that, you can send her to an anger management workshop!

                              LEONARDO
You're making me a very happy man, Mr. Stoat!

                              DIRK
Arrange her comeuppance in small, petty ways.       It'll add up!      I
promise you!

          IT'S EASY TO TELL
          YOU'RE GOING THROUGH HELL
          WE SUFFER SUCH PAIN WHEN OUR COLLEAGUES DO WELL--
          WE FERVENTLY BEG
          THEY'LL COME DOWN A PEG
          WE CHECK OUT THEIR FACES AND HOPE TO FIND EGG!

          BE BRAVE, BE BRAVE, YOU'LL DANCE ON THEIR GRAVE
          A JOYFUL DAY THAT WILL BE!
          THEY'LL FALL, THEY'LL FALL, AND YOU'LL SEE IT ALL --
          A GREAT OCCASION FOR GLEE!
          JUST WAIT, JUST WAIT, THEY'RE BOUND TO DEFLATE
          THEY'LL FLOP AND NEVER REBOUND!
          SMILE AGAIN, LIFE'S WORTHWHILE AGAIN
          WHEN A STAR COMES DOWN TO THE GROUND!

                                   LEONARDO
          THEY GO UP, THEY'LL COME DOWN
          YOU'LL AGREE THAT IT ONLY SEEMS RIGHT!
          IN THE END THEY'LL DESCEND
          WE CAN PRAY FOR A VERTICAL FLIGHT!
          THERE'S A THUD, THERE'LL BE BLOOD
          AND THE BODY WILL NEVER BE FOUND!
          SERIOUS -- LY, IT'S DELIRIOUS
          WHEN A STAR CRASHES DOWN TO THE GROUND!

               (DIRK and LEONARDO shake hands.   BLACKOUT)




9/15/08
                                                              2-3-75


                                 SCENE 3

                                  The office area in the laboratory.
                                  The lights come up on TED. HE's
                                  extremely agitated. HE has a
                                  bottle of Wite-Out in hand, starts
                                  to drink from it, changes his
                                  mind. Then HE pulls up a chair,
                                  stands on it, takes a roll of
                                  adhesive tape from his pocket and
                                  starts to fashion a primitive
                                  noose. SABRINA enters.

                                  SABRINA
Ted!      What are you doing?

                                 TED
             (trying to stick the tape to the ceiling)
Go away!     Leave me alone!

                                  SABRINA
What's the matter with you?

                              TED
It's time for Ted to say goodbye!

                                  SABRINA
Don't be an idiot.      You can't kill yourself with office
supplies.

                                  TED
I know that.      This is a gesture! A cry for help!

                              SABRINA
          (holding out a helping hand)
Ted! Come down off that chair! Stop being a baby!
          (TED defiantly pulls out more tape. Then pauses,
          and SABRINA helps him down)
What's going on, Ted?

                              TED
I‟m in terrible trouble! Terrible, terrible trouble!
          (curls up in a fetal position on the floor)




9/15/08
                                                           2-3-76


                              SABRINA
It can't be as bad as all that. Pull yourself together and tell
me what's happened.

                                 TED
Can't.

                                 SABRINA
Try.

                                 TED
          (after pause)
They‟re canceling the reactor!     They‟re going back to the
flashlight!


                                 SABRINA
Yes?      So what?

                              TED
The flashlight doesn‟t work! It never worked! All we bought
was ...some faulty calculations and a flashlight from Walmart!

                                 SABRINA
According to whom?

                             TED
According to Elsa! But I lied! I covered it up! Then they
gave me lots of money! That was very, very wrong! Very, very
wrong indeed!

                              SABRINA
Why did you do such a thing, Ted?

                               TED
           (sniveling)
Because I‟d already signed the contract! But how could they
expect me to read the whole thing? I told Elsa to keep quiet
and solve the problems herself and she came up with the reactor
but now...
           (becoming hysterical)
...Mr. Brillo says it‟s much too big and we have to go back to
the flashlight but it doesn‟t work and I don‟t know what to do!
I don‟t know what to do!

                              SABRINA
Well, that‟s a big problem, but it‟s not your problem.


9/15/08
                                                         2-3-77




                               TED
What do you mean?

                              SABRINA
You‟ve got nothing to worry about at all.

                               TED
I don‟t?

                             SABRINA
Nothing. Because, Ted, you‟re no longer the program manager.
You‟ve been replaced.
          (pause)
Didn‟t anyone tell you?

                               TED
No!

                               SABRINA
They‟re moving you sideways.   You‟ll be the new Chief Visioning
Officer.

                               TED
Chief Visioning Officer?

                             SABRINA
I‟m sorry, Ted. You‟ve been put out to pasture.    No
responsibility whatsoever.

                              TED
No responsibility whatsoever? Put out to pasture? Thank you,
God!
          (gets to his feet)
I love the sound of pasture! Green grass, blue sky, the company
of cows!

                              SABRINA
They‟re replacing you with Professor da Quark.

                               TED
The Professor of Hope himself?
          (looks up to heaven)
You do listen to prayer!
          (to SABRINA)




9/15/08
                                                         2-3-78


No better candidate could possibly be imagined! He made the
bed, now he can lie in it! I'm feeling so much better!
Except...won‟t he figure out that I lied?

                             SABRINA
I don‟t think so. He may figure out that Elsa lied.    You could
have been utterly clueless.

                              TED
And it‟s the truth! I was! Completely clueless!     Genuinely,
incompetent! It‟s a watertight defense!
          (suddenly looks crestfallen)
It‟s also very sad, isn‟t it?

                            SABRINA
Sad? Nonsense! You‟re a fool and a hypocrite.     Big deal.       Get
over it and move on!

                              TED
Sabrina, that‟s very unkind. I‟ve agreed that I‟m a fool.     But
I draw the line at the charge of hypocrisy.

                              SABRINA
What about all this lying and covering up?

                               TED
Let me explain.   To the extent that lying may have happened…

                               SABRINA
And will continue to happen…

                              TED
And may continue to happen, let me just say, I‟m very
disappointed in myself. That‟s not the kind of behavior I
expect from me.

                               SABRINA
It‟s exactly the kind of behavior that I expect from you. It‟s
what you are to your very core.
          (pause)
Ted, don‟t be so gloomy! You are what you are! I have my own
disappointments too, you know.

                               TED
Such as?




9/15/08
                                                              2-3-79


                              SABRINA
You may think I‟m successful, but this isn‟t what I wanted in
life. My ambitions died when I was fourteen. I wanted to be
the next Jane Fonda. Then I started getting spherical.

                              TED
Oh. I‟m sorry. Thank you for sharing, Sabrina. I needed that.
Hearing about your failure is a great comfort to me.

                                   SABRINA
You‟re welcome, Ted.       Just as your stupidity‟s a great comfort
to me.

               (SHE looks wistful.   34. I’ll Never Be Beautiful)

          I'LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL
          I‟LL NEVER BE CHIC
          MY INNER ELEGANCE IS OVERWHELMED BY MY PHYSIQUE
          I‟LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL,
          I‟LL NEVER HAVE CHARM!
          WHEN I TRY FLIRTATION, I‟M A CAUSE FOR ALARM!

                                   TED
          I'LL NEVER BE COMPETENT
          MY MIND IS A MESS
          I GET HYSTERICAL
          I TEND TO BUCKLE UNDER STRESS.

          I‟LL NEVER BE COMPETENT,
          WHICH NATURALLY MEANS
          I CAN BLAME MY PARENTS,
          „CAUSE THEY GAVE ME THEIR GENES!

                                   SABRINA
          I‟VE TRIED TO EFFECT IMPROVEMENT,
          I‟VE RE-ENGINEERED MY CHEST,
          I‟M BRACED AGAINST FURTHER MOVEMENT,
          TITANIUM IN EACH BREAST!

                                   TED
          I‟VE TRIED TO BE LESS NEUROTIC,
          I‟M BUILDING MY SELF-ESTEEM:
          THE THERAPY‟S QUITE EXOTIC,
          PAST LIVES AND PRIMAL SCREAM…

          I HAVEN‟T ACHIEVED PERFECTION, THOUGH,
          AND SOMEONE MUST BE TO BLAME!


9/15/08
                                                               2-3-80




                                   SABRINA
          I‟VE TRIED EVERY KNOWN CORRECTION,
          BUT I STILL SEEM TO LOOK THE SAME!

          I‟LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL,
          I‟LL NEVER HAVE GRACE:
          NOT WITH MY KIND OF BODY, AND MY KIND OF FACE!

          I‟LL NEVER BE BEAUTIFUL,
          I‟LL NEVER BE SVELTE,
          AND MY CIRCUMFERENCE WILL ALWAYS OVERFLOW MY BELT!

                                      TED
          I‟LL NEVER BE COMPETENT,
          AND ALWAYS A FOOL!
          IN THE MIDST OF PANIC, IT‟S TOUGH TO LOOK COOL!

                                      SABRINA
          MY EXERCISE IS AEROBIC…

                                      TED
          I MEDICATE EVERY DAY!

                                   SABRINA
          MY DIET IS CARBOPHOBIC,
          BUT HASN‟T CHANGED WHAT I WEIGH!

                                   TED
          I TRY TO BE MORE LIKE OPRAH!

                                      SABRINA
          MY NOSE HAS BEEN REGROWN!

                                      TED
          I IDOLIZE DEEPAK CHOPRA!

                                   SABRINA
          THESE BUTTOCKS ARE NOT MY OWN!

          MY BODY‟S A LIVING PERJURY,
          ITS MAKEOVER‟S BEEN EXTREME,
          BUT EVEN WITH PLASTIC SURGERY
          I HAVEN‟T ACHIEVED MY DREAM!

                                   TED/SABRINA
          THE BEAUTIFUL FANTASY WILL NEVER COME TRUE!


9/15/08
                                                             2-3-81




                                   SABRINA
          FOR UNBEAUTIFUL ME OR INCOMPETENT YOU!

                              TED
Having washed our hands of all responsibility, what‟s next?

                              SABRINA
You have to confront Elsa. The reactor's canceled, the
flashlight‟s back, and she has to report to the Professor.

                                   TED
I‟ll send her an email.

                              SABRINA
No, Ted. You‟ll talk to her yourself. Come on, it‟s a piece of
cake. So the project's been canceled. So she won't get to
solve the energy crisis. Give her the rest of the day off! So
she has to report to the Professor. Provide half an hour of
free counseling. You‟re the boss!

               (SABRINA leaves with TED. LEONARDO enters
               surreptitiously. He sidles over to the reactor
               and nonchalantly looks over the laboratory logs.
               Then he sits down, takes a notebook out of his
               pocket, and starts copying. MAGGIE enters and
               starts taking readings from the reactor. She
               spots LEONARDO)

                                   MAGGIE
Hey!       What are you doing?
               (LEONARDO gives a guilty start)
You!       Are you a spy? I‟m calling security!

                                   LEONARDO
Put that phone down!       Immediately!

                                   MAGGIE
Professor da Quark!

                                   LEONARDO
It is I!       Back in the saddle, back in command!

                              MAGGIE
What were you doing snooping around?




9/15/08
                                                          2-3-82


                              LEONARDO
I do not snoop! I check the work of my subordinates!     And I‟ve
found a few significant errors already!

                               MAGGIE
Errors?

                               LEONARDO
Oh, yes.   A “pi” here, a “pi” there.

                              MAGGIE
Well, here comes Elsa now. You can tell her yourself.
          (ELSA enters, trailed by TED)

                              TED
Elsa, pay attention! Along with the management change, there'll
be a change of focus and priorities. We'll be running some new
solutions up the flagpole. Less emphasis on the top-down. Less
emphasis on the vertically-integrated. Less priority on the
legacy manifold. More emphasis on leveraging the user-centric
front-end. The client-based, photon-first methodology. Can you
recalibrate to this, do you think?

                              ELSA
I've no idea what you're talking about.

                              TED
Well, thank you, Elsa. I think I‟ve got my point across.
          (ELSA comes face to face with LEONARDO)
Ah. Professor da Quark, this is Elsa Watson. Elsa, meet
Leonardo da Quark, the father of cold fusion. Your new boss.

                               ELSA
I don't think so, Ted.

                               TED
I know so...

                              ELSA
I refuse to work for this charlatan.    This preposterous little
con-man.

                               TED
Pay no attention, Professor!   Elsa, you're really stressing me
out...




9/15/08
                                                         2-3-83


                              ELSA
Then I'll stress you out even more.   Do you still have my
report?


                                TED
Report?   What report?

                              ELSA
The report that I sent you some time ago, that you remember very
well.

                              TED
The only report I remember receiving was your endorsement of the
Professor's extremely brilliant invention. On the basis of
which we proceeded with the project.

                              ELSA
He's lying. I wrote a report in which I pointed out that the
professor's so-called invention was fabricated out of thin air.
Didn‟t work, never worked, would not work, and could not work.

                              TED
Elsa, that's a very serious accusation. I would certainly
remember a report like that! And I don't.

                               LEONARDO
I believe you, Mr. Slack.   I'm sure you have no recollection of
many things.

                                TED
Thank you, Professor.    No recollection at all.

                              LEONARDO
But Dr. Watson is right, in a way. My demonstration merely
illustrated the key inventive concept, as I have already
explained countless times. A perfectly normal business
practice.

                              ELSA
Not unlike cheating, in many ways.

                              LEONARDO
Dr. Watson merely reduced my concept to practice. Losing some
of its compact form along the way, as we see only too clearly in
front of us.



9/15/08
                                                         2-3-84


                                 ELSA
I quit.

                              LEONARDO
You don't have my permission to quit.

                                 ELSA
Too bad.   I quit!

                             TED
Elsa, be reasonable! You can't just leave!   Not until your boss
decides to lay you off!

                              ELSA
I'm collecting my notebooks, then I'm out of here.   Let's see
you develop cold fusion without the inventor.

                              LEONARDO
Not so fast.
          (to ELSA)
Your notebooks are company property, Dr. Watson. When you have
a spare moment, you might like to review your employment
contract. All your work, all your inventions, in fact,
everything you have ever done in this laboratory belongs to the
Corporation! So, if you wish to leave, do so. But without your
notebooks.

                              ELSA
Then I demand to see Mr. Brillo!

                                 TED
Mr. Brillo?    The CEO?   Impossible!

                                 ELSA
Immediately.

                              LEONARDO
Very well. If it‟s Mr. Brillo you want to see, please see Mr.
Brillo! But first, I‟d like you to watch as your moment of
glory comes to an end. As I, Leonardo Da Quark, the inventor of
cold fusion, pull the plug on your reactor!

           (LEONARDO strides over to the reactor and pulls
           out a large cable. BLACKOUT.)




9/15/08
                                                             2-4-85


                               SCENE 4

                                   The Board Room. 35. Underscore:
                                   More Ominous. Overhead screen
                                   shows “CHAPTER EIGHT - An Act of
                                   Treachery”. DIRK is gazing out of
                                   the large windows, a glass of wine
                                   in his hand. ELSA enters
                                   tentatively.

                                DIRK
Elsa! Come in, come in.     Spectacular view, isn't it?    Have you
been up here before?

                                   ELSA
No.       No, I haven't.

                                   DIRK
Can I get you anything?    Wine?     This is a very acceptable
Chardonnay.

                                   ELSA
No, thanks.

                              DIRK
As you please.
          (sips wine, staring at ELSA)
I'm afraid Mr. Brillo's not available. But maybe I can help
you. I understand that you're not happy with the latest
reorganization.
          (silence)
The truth is, neither am I. Incomprehensible. Foolish.
Stupid, even.
          (pause)
I'd like to speak candidly, but I'm wondering whether can I
trust you.

                              ELSA
A better question would be: can I trust you?

                              DIRK
Can you...? Ha! That's a fair question. Very well, I'll put
my cards on the table. I'll just rely on you to keep this
conversation in confidence. Let's start with the business of
bringing back Professor da Quark. Totally Jerry's idea. I
advised against it, but, what can I do? He doesn't listen to



9/15/08
                                                        2-4-86


me. Next, he cancels your project and invests in that crazy
flashlight. Seems ludicrous, doesn't it?
          (pause)
Until you start thinking like a profiteer. Put yourself in
Jerry's place. If you're like Jerry, you've no intention of
developing products. Why take the risk? You can make just as
much money, more maybe, by promising a short-term gimmick and
then selling out. Jerry‟s not going to take the time to develop
alternative sources of energy. Are you kidding? Trust me, I‟m
the CFO: the company‟s up for sale.

                              ELSA
He'd never have thought of all that.

                              DIRK
Jerry's not stupid. Well...
               (checks himself)
no, no, Jerry's not stupid. The thing is, Elsa, we don't have
to be passive victims. Jerry simply doesn't realize that he
holds in his hand the solution to the world's energy crisis.
But I understand that, and I think you understand that, too.
You also maybe understand that there's a vast amount of money at
stake.

                              ELSA
What are you saying?

                              DIRK
Let's do a bit of thinking ahead. Let's assume that the good
professor can't get the flashlight to work.

                              ELSA
That's a pretty safe assumption.

                              DIRK
Jerry's planning to sell the company before anyone finds out
that da Quark can't deliver. But let's assume he can't find a
buyer in time. Things get ugly pretty fast. Investment dries
up, revenue's already inadequate, debt's at an all-time high.
Soon you're facing layoffs, bankruptcy, a fire sale of the
assets. But let's say that you, and I, that we anticipate all
that. We put together our own plan. I handle the finance, you
handle the technology. We approach investors, using my
connections, and prepare the ground for a new company. Just the
two of us.




9/15/08
                                                               2-4-87


                                   ELSA
Behind Jerry's back?

                              DIRK
Oh, you want him to mess it up a second time?
          (laughs)
I‟m saying we need to be ready to move after Jerry's flown the
plane into the ground. If we‟re not smart, you‟ll lose your
invention and I‟ll be looking for a job. I need you to put
together a technical pitch for me. Are you up for that?

                                   ELSA
I...I don't know.
                              DIRK
          (pulling a report from a drawer)
Then let me help you decide. I've been looking over this report
you wrote, and I have to say, it really troubles me. I‟d really
like to be able to shred the thing, but, well, here it is. In
it you state, I‟m quoting, "Professor da Quark's invention is
basically sound".

                                   ELSA
That wasn't true.

                              DIRK
No? Because on the basis of this report, I approved the
spending of about one hundred million dollars. By...you.           It
really wouldn‟t look good if this ever got out.

                                   ELSA
I did a bad thing.       But for a good reason.

                              DIRK
          (after a long pause, staring at ELSA)
A bad thing, for a good reason. Fascinating. You have the
makings of an executive.

               (HE pours himself some more wine.    36. The Gift
               Of Greed)

          WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE GIFT OF GREED
          UNINHIBITED BY SCRUPLES
          YOUR PROSPERITY QUADRUPLES
          YOU HAVE EV'RYTHING YOU NEED!

          WHEN YOUR CONSCIENCE CAN'T RESTRAIN YOU
          THEN YOU'RE CERTAIN TO SUCCEED


9/15/08
                                                           2-4-88


          WHEN CONVENTION CAN'T CONTAIN YOU,
          THEN YOU'VE GOT THE GIFT OF GREED!

          YOU CAN WAVE GOODBYE TO SHAME
          AS YOU AMPLIFY YOUR NAME
          AS YOU CONFISCATE THE GLORY,
          AS YOU DELEGATE THE BLAME!
          DO WHATEVER'S ADVANTAGEOUS
          THOUGH IT MAY BE DIRTY WORK
          HAVE THE WILL TO BE OUTRAGEOUS,
          HAVE THE GUTS TO BE A JERK!

          WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE GIFT OF GREED
          IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN GRAB IT
          SOCIOPATHY'S A HABIT
          YOU HAVE EV'RYTHING YOU NEED!

          WHEN   YOUR CONSCIENCE CAN'T RESTRAIN YOU
          THEN   YOU'RE CERTAIN TO SUCCEED
          WHEN   CONVENTION CAN'T CONTAIN YOU,
          THEN   YOU'VE GOT THE GIFT OF GREED!

Do we have a deal?

                                     ELSA
You do.
                 (DIRK and ELSA shake hands.   BLACKOUT)




9/15/08
                                                          2-5-89


                              SCENE 5

                               The Board Room. 37. Underscore:
                               More Ominous Still. Overhead
                               screen shows “CHAPTER NINE - A
                               State of Denial”. JERRY enters,
                               accompanied by SABRINA and JONES.
                               He is carrying LEONARDO‟s original
                               flashlight and a new, sleek model
                               that resembles an iPod. SABRINA
                               gets the speaker phones ready for
                               a conference call.

                              JERRY
Take a look at that, Mr. Jones! A masterpiece of industrial
design! This...
          (brandishes old flashlight)
is what we were given! This...
          (handing the new model to JONES)
is what we came up with! A real triumph. I thought you‟d like
to attend the conference call where we kick off manufacturing.

                               JONES
Thank you.   It‟s certainly very small.   Where does the light
come out?

                              SABRINA
There‟s a light-emitting diode at one end. Now remember,
there‟s no battery. This thing runs on water. To fill it up,
you just hold it under the tap! It soaks up all the water it
needs, then you dry it off!

                              JONES
          (trying to switch it on)
It doesn‟t seem to turn on.

                              SABRINA
This is just a model, Mr. Jones. The Professor‟s responsible
for the engineering. He‟ll be here in a minute.

                              JERRY
          (to JONES)
We‟ll have the project manager from Park Electronics on the
line. You‟ve heard of them, I‟m sure. Huge Korean company.
They‟re doing the manufacturing.
          (DIRK enters)
Ah, Dirk! We‟re just waiting on the professor.


9/15/08
                                                                2-5-90




                                    DIRK
             (after pause)
Good news.     I've persuaded Elsa to stay.

                                   JERRY
Why did you do that?       I thought it was good riddance.

                                   DIRK
She'll be reporting to me.       You won't need to worry about her
any more.

                                    JERRY
Thank God for that.        A disruptive influence, Mr. Jones.

                              JONES
You should tell her to walk the walk.

                                    JERRY
Good suggestion.     Ah!

             (LEONARDO marches in, followed by MAGGIE.
             LEONARDO is lugging a large, bucket-shaped
             device. MAGGIE is wrestling with a vat,
             connected by tubes to the bucket.
             38. Underscore: Incompetence. LEONARDO deposits
             the bucket on the table. MAGGIES heaves the vat
             into position beside it)

                                    MAGGIE
It still leaks, Professor!

                                 LEONARDO
             (withdrawing chewing gum from his mouth)
Here!

                              JERRY
Mr. Jones, this is Professor Da Quark, the great inventor.
          (LEONARDO pushes MAGGIE aside, struggles with the gum)
Apparently a last minute glitch. Only to be expected.

                                    MAGGIE
We ran out of duct tape.




9/15/08
                                                           2-5-91


                              LEONARDO
          (after extremely awkward moments of struggling
          and cursing)
There! Who dares to say that Leonardo da Quark cannot make a
flashlight that works!   Sometimes I stagger myself! Prepare to
be amazed, Mr Brillo. You're looking at the da Quark Portable
Power Module. The Module they said could never be built.
          (LEONARDO withdraws a telescopic pointer from his
          jacket)
Observe.
          (HE points to the bucket)
Flashlight.
          (HE points to the vat)
Water tank.
          (Pointing to the bucket again)
Here is the tiny reactor. Here is the lead shielding for
radiation.

                                 JONES
Radiation?

                              LEONARDO
We can't fry the consumer, so we put in a shield.

                                 JONES
Clever.     Go on.

                              LEONARDO
Here is a miniature boiler, heated by the reaction.     Water in
the boiler gets converted to steam.

                                 JONES
Steam.

                                 LEONARDO
Steam!     Steam turns a rotor, attached to a generator.

                                 JONES
A generator.

                                 LEONARDO
Here.     The generator is attached to the light bulb by wires.

                              JONES
So the reactor is connected to the boiler, connected to the
rotor, connected to the generator, connected to the light bulb.



9/15/08
                                                            2-5-92


                                LEONARDO
Simplicity itself.    I throw a switch, and...

          (LEONARDO switches on the device. After some
          wheezing and puffing, the very dim glow emerges
          from the bulb.)

                              SABRINA
          (observing the device gloomily)
We're doomed.

                              LEONARDO
Don't worry, Mr. Brillo, I'm used to this.     They laughed at
Einstein.

                              SABRINA
Possibly not as hilariously as they'll be laughing at us.
          (Phone rings)

                                JERRY
I‟m sorry, I‟m a little lost.    Are you saying that this is our
flashlight?

                                LEONARDO
No, that‟s the water tank.    Weren‟t you paying attention, Mr.
Brillo?

                                JERRY
But...

                              PHONE VOICE
Welcome to the conference call. Please state your name and
affiliation.

                               JERRY
Jerry Brillo.   Global Atomic Corporation.    Hello?   Hello?   Good
evening?

                               VOICE OF CHU
Good evening.   This is Mr. Chu.

                                JERRY
          (aside)
I‟ll handle this.    Good evening, Mr. Chu.




9/15/08
                                                           2-5-93


                                 VOICE OF CHU
Good evening, Mr. Brillo.     We want to hear about progress on
flashlight.

                                JERRY
Progress on the flashlight.    Progress has been excellent, Mr.
Chu. Excellent.

                                 CHU
How does it look?

                             JERRY
How does it look? Functional, certainly. And elegant,
definitely elegant. Others may have a different taste, of
course.

                                 CHU
Fits in palm of hand, right?

                              JERRY
Palm of hand? Ah, almost fits in the palm of the right hand,
under the right circumstances, for sure, yes. The hand of a
fairly substantial individual. For instance, it would probably
not fit in the hand of a baby. That would be safe to say.
          (JERRY winces)

                                CHU
Not baby, no.    But fits in your hand?

                              JERRY
In my hand, approximately, yes. In fact, I'm lifting it right
now.
          (strains to lift bucket by its handle)
Perfect for a family camping trip.

                                CHU
Good, good.    Small, light, elegant.   You tried putting it in
pocket?

                              JERRY
Ah, no, we haven't tried that, Mr. Chu.

                                 CHU
You try now?

                              JERRY
Ah...there‟s a hole in my pocket, Mr. Chu.


9/15/08
                                                           2-5-94




                                CHU
How about clipping to belt?    Like mobile phone.   Please try now.

           (JERRY loops wire from the bucket around his
           belt. Device is still sitting solidly on table)

                              JERRY
I‟m...clipping...it...to...my...belt...right...now. I'm now
attached to the flashlight. I mean, the flashlight's attached
to me.

                                CHU
How does it feel?

                              JERRY
Surprisingly comfortable, Mr. Chu!

                                CHU
Excellent.   Now schedule.   How many devices have you built?

           (MAGGIE holds up one finger)

                              JERRY
Um, less than one thousand devices at the present time.

                               CHU
That not so good.   You give me schedule for scale-up, please.

                               JERRY
We will.   How about another call one week from now?

                               CHU
I look forward to it.   Goodbye.

                                JERRY
Goodbye!
          (hangs up the phone)
That went pretty well. A frank discussion. An honest
appraisal.
          (JONES, DIRK, MAGGIE and SABRINA stare open-
          mouthed at JERRY)
Now, professor. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I
can‟t regard this as progress.




9/15/08
                                                                 2-5-95


                             LEONARDO
Not progress! Absurd! You obviously have no understanding
of research, Mr. Brillo. Two steps forward, one step back.

                              JERRY
You started here.
          (holds up original flashlight)
You ended there! I rest my case.

                              DIRK
He never said that the steps were of equal size.

                              LEONARDO
And the new model is functionally superior to the old one.

                              DIRK
There were functionality challenges in the original design.
Severe functionality challenges.

                              JERRY
Hmm. Well, professor, you need to go back to the drawing board
and come up with something that looks more like this,
          (holds up original flashlight)
and less like this, with no functionality challenges whatsoever.
          (indicates the bucket)
Sabrina, I‟d like you to handle the conference calls from now
on.

                              LEONARDO
You‟ll find me in my laboratory, working on Prototype Two!
Maggie, come!

              (LEONARDO and MAGGIE leave.   Phone rings.   39.
              Good Evening Mr. Chu)

                                   SABRINA
          GOOD EVENING, MR. CHU
          SO GLAD TO TALK TO YOU
          WE‟VE A LOT OF GOOD NEWS TO SHARE
          I‟LL KEEP THIS SHORT
          IT‟S ALL IN MY REPORT
          THERE ARE PLENTY OF DETAILS THERE!
          YOU MAY BE DISAPPOINTED WITH A WEIGHT OF TWENTY POUNDS
          BUT IT ISN‟T, I ASSURE YOU, QUITE AS HEAVY AS IT SOUNDS;
          WE‟RE WORKING ON EFFICIENCY AND MANAGING THE STEAM
          THE DEVICE CAN REACH A TEMPERATURE THAT SOME WOULD CALL
          EXTREME;


9/15/08
                                                               2-5-96


          APART FROM THAT THE ARCHITECTURE HASN‟T BEEN CEMENTED YET
          BUT THAT‟S BECAUSE THE MECHANISM ISN‟T QUITE INVENTED YET;
          WE KNOW IT‟S MOST REGRETTABLE THAT PROGRESS HAS BEEN SLOW
          BUT AS WE FIX THE PROBLEMS YOU‟LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW!

              (LEONARDO marches in with a second model. It
              looks like a flashlight, only scaled up to a tube
              approximately three feet in length and one foot
              wide. Attached to one end is an absurdly small-
              looking bulb and reflector)

                              LEONARDO
There! Prototype Two. You want it to look like a flashlight,
voila, it looks like a flashlight!
          (LEONARDO marches out)

                                    SABRINA
          GOOD EVENING MR CHU
          IT‟S TIME FOR OUR REVIEW
          OUR PROGRESS HAS BEEN STEADY AND SURE
          I SENSE YOUR DISMAY
          BUT THERE‟S REALLY NO DELAY
          YES, I KNOW YOU WERE EXPECTING MORE
          THE PRODUCT‟S REACHED THE POINT WHERE IT‟S AT LAST EMITTING
          LIGHT
          I‟D HAVE TO CALL IT VISIBLE BUT NOT EXACTLY BRIGHT;
          IT‟S STILL A LITTLE BULKY BUT IT‟S SMALLER THAN YOU THINK
          IT OCCUPIES A TABLE BUT WE‟RE SURE IT‟S GOING TO SHRINK;
          WE‟VE WORKED ON MANUFACTURING BUT HAVEN‟T BUILT THAT MANY,
          WELL, STILL BELOW A THOUSAND, YES, I KNOW THAT‟S HARDLY
          ANY;
          WE KNOW YOU‟D LIKE TO SEE ONE AND WE‟LL GET IT TO YOU SOON
          I‟LL PACK IT UP AND SEND IT OFF THIS VERY AFTERNOON!

              (LEONARDO marches in with an iPod-like device)

                                    LEONARDO
Prototype Three!

                                    SABRINA
Amazing!       You‟ve done it!   Congratulations, Professor!

                                    LEONARDO
It is nothing.

                                    SABRINA
Only, it doesn‟t seem to work.


9/15/08
                                                             2-5-97




                                  LEONARDO
Obviously not.      For that, you need the power adaptor.

              (HE clicks fingers, and MAGGIE enters with
              something very like the original bucket. SHE
              dumps it on the floor and BOTH leave)

                                   SABRINA
          GOOD EVENING, MR. CHU
          WE‟RE NOT SURE WHAT TO DO
          YOU‟RE RIGHT THAT WE‟RE FAR BEHIND
          THOUGH PROGRESS HAS BEEN STEADY
          WE‟RE NOT QUITE READY
          AND WE RATHER HOPED YOU WOULDN‟T MIND
          I‟M GLAD YOU GOT OUR PROTOTYPE – YOU SAY THAT YOU‟RE AGHAST
          WE PUT IT THROUGH ITS PACES AND WE FRANKLY THOUGHT IT
          PASSED;
          WE‟RE WORKING NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS AND WE‟RE RATHER
          OVERLOADED
          WE KNOW IT‟S UNRELIABLE; WE‟RE SORRY IT EXPLODED…
          WE‟LL COMPENSATE YOUR INJURY, BE SURE WE MEANT NO HARM
          AT LEAST YOU DIDN‟T DIE AND YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER ARM…
          I KNOW WE‟RE OFF THE SCHEDULE AND I OFFER MY APOLOGY
          BUT WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING FROM A CUTTING-EDGE TECHNOLOGY?

               (Offstage explosion. LEONARDO hobbles in, black-
                            faced and empty-handed)

                              LEONARDO
There will be no Prototype Four. I cannot work under these
conditions! I resign, effective immediately!
          (LEONARDO shuffles out)

                                    SABRINA
          GOOD EVENING, MR. CHU
          I‟M PEACHY, HOW ARE YOU?
          I KNOW YOU‟RE ABOUT TO COMPLAIN.
          OF COURSE IT‟S NOT A DRAG
          TO LISTEN TO YOU NAG,
          IF YOU LIKE, I‟LL APOLOGIZE AGAIN!
          I‟VE REALLY NO IDEA WHERE YOUR BILLION DOLLARS WENT
          BUT I‟LL SIT HERE VERY PATIENTLY AND LISTEN TO YOU VENT.
          I KNOW IT‟S A DISASTER BUT I DON‟T KNOW WHAT TO DO,
          I KNOW YOU‟RE VERY ANGRY AND I KNOW YOU‟RE GOING TO SUE;
          YOU‟RE CANCELING THE PROJECT AND OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND,
          APART FROM THAT I‟M GLAD THAT THEY REATTACHED YOUR HAND!


9/15/08
                                                             2-5-98


          AND FEEL FREE TO MOAN, BUT DO IT ON YOUR OWN;
          IT‟S GETTING VERY LATE AND I‟M HANGING UP THE PHONE!

               (SABRINA puts down the phone.   BLACKOUT)




9/15/08
                                                         2-6-99


                                SCENE 6

                                The Board Room. 40. Underscore:
                                Doom. Overhead screen shows
                                “CHAPTER TEN - The Point of No
                                Return”. Then appears the Evening
                                Business Report. 41. Underscore:
                                Theme music. DIRK and JERRY watch
                                the news glumly.

                              PHIL
A terrible day on Wall Street for Global Atomic Corporation,
following news of cancellation of the flashlight project and the
withdrawal of Korean investment. What's going on, Mary?

                             MARY
Couldn't be worse, Phil. All their hopes were pinned on this
product. It's all downhill from here.

                                PHIL
Stan?

                              STAN
Nothing I can add to that, Phil.

                              PHIL
What do you say to investors who hold this stock?

                              MARY
As I said earlier, sell it if you can.

                              STAN
Strong sell from us as well. And hang on to your hat.
          (JERRY turns off the TV with remote)

                              JERRY
Stock's at one and a half, Dirk.

                                DIRK
I know.

                                JERRY
Do you think I should resign?




9/15/08
                                                          2-6-100


                             DIRK
Resign? This is hardly the time for that! Threaten to resign,
yes, of course. But don't forget, the Board needs you more than
ever now. Now's the time to push for a retention bonus.

                               JERRY
Really?   I'm still ...relevant?

                                 DIRK
More relevant than ever!     The worse things get, the more
relevant you become!

                                JERRY
Thank you, Dirk.    You're a real friend.

                              DIRK
Of course, there will have to be reductions. A lot of
suffering, but lower down the totem pole, fortunately.    A
substantial layoff, I would think.

                                 JERRY
I know.   I feel terrible.

                                 DIRK
You do?   Why's that?

                              JERRY
I...I'm searching my conscience, Dirk!

                                 DIRK
Finding anything?

                              JERRY
Do you really think the retention bonus is a good idea?

                              DIRK
Not only a good idea, it‟s a necessity. Think of all the other
incompetent managers facing bankruptcy of their companies. You
can‟t undermine their livelihood by setting a bad example
yourself.

                              JERRY
You‟re saying it would be selfish, then, not to take a bonus.

                                 DIRK
Very selfish indeed.



9/15/08
                                                      2-6-101


                               JERRY
No matter how guilty I feel.

                              DIRK
You have to make the sacrifice, Jerry. It's one of the hardest
things a CEO has to do. But in a couple of years you'll be
spending the money and nobody will remember how you got it.

                               JERRY
          (to AUDIENCE)
He was right, of course. Nobody likes layoffs. Least of all
the person who has to do the laying off. I looked in vain
through my management books for advice about how best to do it.
There's no chapter in here about excellence in layoffs. None of
the twelve habits has much to offer, either. But look, thank
God, there's still "Straight from the Ego." Full of great tips
on wielding the axe.




9/15/08
                                                          2-7-102


                               SCENE 7

                                A conference room. Stark
                                fluorescent lighting,
                                institutional furniture. 42.
                                Underscore: Layoff. TED and
                                SABRINA are getting ready for a
                                layoff interview. Moving chairs
                                around, etc. SECURITY GUARD
                                stands to the side.

                                SABRINA
I think we're all set.    Severance package, exit list...Kleenex.
Do you have her packet?

                                TED
I don't know.    I've got so many packets.   No, I don't think so.

                               SABRINA
Here it is.   She's one of mine. Let's get going.

                                TED
Oh, Sabrina...

                              SABRINA
Just do it, Ted.
          (to GUARD)
Bring her in.
          (GUARD leaves and returns with MAGGIE)

                              TED
Maggie!  Please...
               (indicates familiar rickety chair)
I'm afraid I've got bad news. The company's taken on a great
deal of debt in financing its growth. As you know, we lost the
Korean deal on the flashlight. The result is that we've been
forced to close down the cold fusion project.

                              MAGGIE
Oh...I hardly know what to say...

                               TED
Unfortunately, there's more. There have to be some staff
reductions as well. And I'm sorry to say that your position is
one that has to be eliminated.




9/15/08
                                                          2-7-103




                              MAGGIE
          (after stunned pause)
You're laying me off?

                             TED
I'm sorry. You'll receive thirty days' severance pay and
temporary medical benefits. You'll find the details in this
package.

                              MAGGIE
I'm sorry, I can't take this in right now.

                              TED
Why don't you just take a moment to compose yourself.
          (MAGGIE takes Kleenex. TED takes one too.)

                              MAGGIE
I've...I've been here thirty years. I never thought it would...

                              TED
End like this. I know.
          (pause)
This is just a difficult for me as it is for you, Maggie.

                              MAGGIE
I don‟t think it is.

                              TED
No.
          (pause)
If you're ready...Sabrina has to go through an exit list with
you.

                              MAGGIE
Do what you have to.

                              SABRINA
Very well. You need to hand in your ID card.
          (MAGGIE fumbles in her handbag and hands over
          card. SABRINA checks off list)
Do you owe the company any money?

                              MAGGIE
No.




9/15/08
                                                           2-7-104


                              SABRINA
Any company property on loan to you?

                                   MAGGIE
No.       Yes, my laptop.

                              SABRINA
You'll have to hand that to the guard. Company credit card?
          (MAGGIE, distressed, empties her entire bag onto
          the table. She retrieves the card and hands it
          over)
Keys?

                              MAGGIE
They're...they're in my office...

                              SABRINA
The guard will take you there to get them.      You'll have to leave
immediately after that.

                                   MAGGIE
I can't even say goodbye?

                                   SABRINA
I'm sorry.       Security regulations. I'm sure you understand.

                              TED
          (standing up and offering hand)
Well, that's it. Thank you for your service to the company.

                              MAGGIE
I don't think I can shake your hand.

               (TED nods to the GUARD, who sidles over to
               MAGGIE, who is stuffing her meager belongings
               back into her bag. She shrugs him off, then
               walks to the door. At the last minute, she turns
               back. 43. Goodbye.)

          GOODBYE TO A LIFE THAT‟S PASSED,
          SO SAD THAT IT COULDN‟T LAST,
          TO THE WORK OF YEARS
          TO THE JOY AND TEARS
          TO MY FRIENDS GOODBYE NOW!

          GOODBYE TO A PART OF ME BUT
          NO USE IN GRIEVING


9/15/08
                                                                2-7-105


          ROADS REACH AN ENDING AND I TAKE MY LEAVE.

          ALL THINGS HAVE THEIR FINAL DAY
          ALL THINGS IN THE END DECAY
          NATURE OVERTURNS THEM ALL
          COMES THE FIRE,
          BURNS THEM ALL; BUT

          NEW LIFE RISES OUT OF TRASH,
          TRUE LIFE BORN AGAIN IN ASH,
          TO A BETTER DAY
          THE UNTRAVELLED WAY
          TO THE FUTURE, GREETINGS!

          ONWARD, AND I WON'T LOOK BACK
          EYES ON THE HORIZON
          HOPE WILL AGAIN BE BORN WITH
          DAYBREAK OF A DIFFERENT DAWN
          THE SUNLIGHT, AND A BRAVE NEW MORNING
          IS THE END!

               (MAGGIE leaves, accompanied by the GUARD. ELSA
               rushes in and advances towards them. GUARD
               motions her away.)

                                   ELSA
Maggie...

               (ELSA is left, alone, in the middle of the stage.
               She reaches for a telephone, starts to dial, then
               stops. Then she dials another number)

Paging Dirk Stoat to the Customer Satisfaction conference room.

                              OVERHEAD VOICE
Dirk Stoat to Customer Satisfaction! Dirk Stoat to Customer
Satisfaction!

               (ELSA stands with arms folded.     After a few
               seconds, DIRK enters)

                                   DIRK
Elsa!       What a pleasant surprise!

                                   ELSA
What's going on here?       What have you done to Maggie?



9/15/08
                                                       2-7-106


                              DIRK
Me? I've done nothing at all. Unfortunately, as part of a
company-wide reduction, Ms. Sprinkle's position had to be
terminated.

                              ELSA
Why didn't you tell me?

                              DIRK
As you know, Elsa, layoffs are very delicate matters. Nobody
likes them. But the financial health of the company comes
first.

                              ELSA
The company's financial health? That's your responsibility,
isn't it? Aren't you the CFO? Why don't you lay yourself off?

                              DIRK
I must be going.

                              ELSA
          (after him)
You couldn't have done worse if you'd been trying to bankrupt
the company on purpose!
          (she pauses, shocked)
But that's what you are doing, isn't it!

                              DIRK
          (sidling, dangerously, back)
What did you say? Listen, you little fool, this is not
something to discuss in the open. We already agreed on our
plan. Do you think an investor‟s going to be interested in
taking on a pension plan, fifty thousand retirees and their
benefits, all the endless, useless accretions of obligation this
company's built up over fifty years? You should be down on your
knees, thanking God for the bankruptcy law. You should be
praying for Chapter Eleven. If you ever want your invention to
see the light of day.

                              ELSA
I..I don't want it to happen like this.

                              DIRK
Then you're not tough enough for this business. And, by the
way, don't accuse me of engineering a bankruptcy. Had I been
the CEO this would never have happened. But I'm not. Like you,
I've watched while another manager, so typical of his breed,


9/15/08
                                                           2-7-107


made the familiar, predictable descent into hubris and idiocy.
Taking us all with him. You can hardly blame me for that. Now
I have to go. I'm meeting with an investor. Trying to keep
your project alive.

          (ELSA runs out.     DIRK smiles and saunters out.   The
room is empty)

                              OVERHEAD VOICE
Sabrina Flint to the Customer Satisfaction Conference Room.
Sabrina Flint to the Customer Satisfaction Conference Room.
          (pause)
Ted Slack to the Customer Satisfaction Conference Room. Ted
Slack to the Customer Satisfaction Conference Room.

             (SABRINA and TED enter from opposite sides.   Each
             carries a single packet)

                                 SABRINA
Ted!      Please, sit down.

                                 TED
No, no, you sit down, Sabrina.

                                 SABRINA
After you.

                                 TED
No, after you.

                              SABRINA
          (pulling back chair for TED)
I'm afraid I've got bad news, Ted.

                              TED
          (pulling back chair for SABRINA)
I'm afraid I've got bad news for you, Sabrina.

                                 SABRINA
          (after pause)
I got here first.


                                 TED
No you didn‟t.




9/15/08
                                                              2-7-108


                                   SABRINA
Yes, I did.       Now sit down!

                                   TED
I‟m afraid I can‟t do that.       I‟ve a duty to perform before any
other business.

                              SABRINA
I‟ll shred that packet for you.

                              TED
No, no, I owe it to the company to see it through myself.          But
I‟ll take your packet, if you like.

                              SABRINA
That‟s very good of you. Here. Consider yourself terminated.
Do you want me to call security?

                                   TED
          (after pause)
You wouldn‟t really call security, would you?

                                   SABRINA
I‟m not sure.       I‟ve never been in this situation before.

                              TED
Are you going to let me give you your package?

                                   SABRINA
Do I have a choice?

                                   TED
Neither of us has a choice.

                                   SABRINA
Then, thank you, Ted.       You‟re a gentleman.

                              TED
And you‟re a lady, Sabrina.
          (They open their packages.         44. Chapter Eleven)

                                  SABRINA
          WHEN YOU'RE FLOATING DOWN THE RIVER
          DO IT WITH STYLE
          WHEN THE GOOD LORD CAN'T DELIVER
          GIVE HIM A WHILE...



9/15/08
                                                      2-7-109


                                   TED
          WHEN YOU SEE THE LIFEBOAT SINKING
          AS YOU WATCH THE SHORELINE SHRINKING
          IT'S THE TIME FOR UPBEAT THINKING
          TIME FOR A SMILE!

                                   SABRINA
          WHEN THE CHAPTERS REACH ELEVEN
          END OF THE LINE!
          NOW YOU'RE DEAD AND THIS IS HEAVEN
          AIN'T IT DIVINE?

                                   TED
          WHEN YOUR LIFELONG DREAM'S BEEN SHATTERED
          WHEN YOU FIND YOUR NEST EGG SPLATTERED
          JUST FORGET THEY EVER MATTERED
          EV'RYTHING'S FINE!

                                      SABRINA
          SO REMAIN ENTHUSIASTIC
          LIFE IS BETTER THAN YOU THINK!

                                   TED
          WHEN THEY'RE WRAPPING YOU IN PLASTIC
          YOU CAN GREET THEM WITH A WINK!

                                   SABRINA
          WHEN YOUR HEARTBEAT IS ERRATIC
          NO NEED TO FEAR!

                                      TED
          SO THE TUMOR'S METASTATIC
          TIME FOR A BEER!

                                   SABRINA
          WHEN YOU WANDER DEAF AND SIGHTLESS

                                   TED
          YOUR CAREER IS CLEARLY FLIGHTLESS

                                   SABRINA
          WHEN YOUR LUCKY STAR IS LIGHTLESS


                                      SABRINA/TED
          LET'S HAVE A CHEER!



9/15/08
                                                   2-7-110


                                   TED
          THOUGH YOUR LIFE'S BEEN TORN ASUNDER:
          THAT'S NOT SO BAD!
          THOUGH YOU'RE FINALLY GOING UNDER,
          DON'T BE SO SAD...

                                   SABRINA
          LET YOUR SMILE BE JUST A TOKEN
          AS YOU LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS UNSPOKEN
          THOUGH INSIDE, YOUR HEART IS BROKEN...

                                   SABRINA/TED
          WHEN THE CHAPTERS REACH ELEVEN,
          GO OUT IN STYLE.




9/15/08
                                                         2-8-111


                              SCENE 8

                               The Board Room. JERRY is looking
                               out of the windows. He‟s holding
                               a whisky bottle. The flashlight
                               sits squatly on the table. JONES
                               enters. It‟s eerily silent.

                               JONES
Mr. Brillo?   Mr. Brillo?

                               JERRY
What is it, Mr. Jones?   I hope you don‟t have any more advice
for me.

                              JONES
          (handing over a check)
No, no. I‟ve got a surprise. Here. A retention bonus. I
think you‟ll like the amount. A well-deserved reward for a job
well done.

                               JERRY
We‟re bankrupt, Jones.

                             JONES
I know. It‟s wonderful, don‟t you think? A blank slate! A
fresh start! I blame myself for not going bankrupt years ago.

                              JERRY
I‟m glad it makes you so happy.

                             JONES
No more debt. No more pension plan. No more employees! Let
the judge sort out the mess. Better still, Dirk‟s free to spin
off a new company. I‟m a ground floor investor. You
could…well, no, perhaps not. You‟ll still be needed here at the
helm.

                               JERRY
Going down with the ship.

                              JONES
Now, now. On balance, this is a very positive outcome.     Well,
I‟ll leave you to your thoughts.
          (sets off for the door)




9/15/08
                                                            2-8-112


By the way, the new company‟s taking on the cold fusion patents.
Just so you know. We‟ll be needing them for what we‟re going to
build!

                              JERRY
Don‟t tell me, Jones.
          (JONES leaves. Jerry stares out of the window)
Looking east, nothing.
          (HE looks out of another side of the building)
Looking north, nothing.
          (Takes a swig from the bottle, then looks
          straight at the audience. 45. Jerry’s Song.)
Looking south...
     CALL ME JERRY
     I'M VERY NECESSARY
     A COMPANY MUST HAVE A C E O!
     I EARN AS MUCH AS FEW DO
     A GREAT DEAL MORE THAN YOU DO
     BUT I WILL STAY AND YOU WILL HAVE TO GO!
     I'M JERRY T. BRILLA
     CORPORATE GORILLA
     I'LL LEAD YOU FROM THE PEAK INTO THE TROUGH!
     THE BANKS AGREED TO LOAN US MONEY FOR MY BONUS
     SO PAY ME, AND LET ME LAY YOU OFF!

          I SENSE YOUR DESPERATION
          AND SO IN CONSOLATION
          I OFFER YOU THIS FLASH LIGHT, C. O. D.
          IT MIGHT PERHAPS BE SLIMMER
          BUT HARDLY ANY DIMMER
          IN BOTH RESPECTS REMINDING YOU OF ME!
          I'M JERRY T. BRILLO
          WEEP INTO YOUR PILLOW!
          LET ME BRING YOUR BUSINESS TO ITS KNEES!
          LET'S BE INVENTIVE
          CALL IT AN INCENTIVE
          AND LET ME HAVE A BILLION DOLLARS, PLEASE!

          I'M NOT A TOTAL DUFFER
          BELIEVE ME THAT I SUFFER
          I NEED YOUR ADMIRATION AND YOUR PRAYERS!
          I ASK YOU FOR ENDURANCE
          GIVE UP THE HEALTH INSURANCE
          AND, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, DUMP THE WORTHLESS SHARES!
          I'M JERRY T. BRILLA
          CORPORATION KILLER!
          I LEAVE YOU IN A MOUNTAIN OF DEBRIS!


9/15/08
                                                           2-8-113


          IT GIVES ME NO ENJOYMENT
          THAT YOU FACE UNEMPLOYMENT
          BUT DON'T FORGET YOU'RE SUBSIDIZING ME!
          DON'T FORGET YOU'RE SUBSIDIZING ME!

               (Sound of tolling bells. At each of four clangs
               of the bells, another headline flashes onto the
               overhead screen.
               "Global Atomic Corporation Files Chapter Eleven
               Bankruptcy!"
               "Thousands Lose Jobs, Pensions in GAC Crash!"
               "Bankruptcy "Not My Fault" says CEO Brillo!"
               "Jerry Brillo Indicted on Corruption Charges!"
               SLINK enters.)

                              SLINK
So there you have it, members of the jury. Is Jerry Brillo
incompetent? Of course. Grossly unsuited to the office of
Chief Executive Officer? You might well think so. Was he duped
by a manipulative Chief Financial Officer? I think we have
established that beyond reasonable doubt. But the central
question in this case is the following. Is Jeremiah Brillo a
criminal? The final judgment is in your hands.

               (TED and SABRINA enter. 46. That Crook (reprise))
                                   TED & SABRINA
          END OF THE GAME
          DISASTER AND SHAME
          AND WHO IS TO BLAME?
          THAT MAN!

                              JERRY
Ted and Sabrina opened a bed and breakfast in Vermont. After
that failed, they opened another one in Alaska. They eventually
got married.

               (LEONARDO enters)

                                   LEONARDO
          SWINDLES AND SLEAZE
          FINANCIAL DISEASE
          THE ROOT OF ALL THESE?
          HIS PLAN!




9/15/08
                                                       2-8-114


                              JERRY
Professor Da Quark went back on the road, with a method of
extracting gasoline from household garbage locked in his
suitcase.

               (DIRK enters)
                                     DIRK
          ANGER AND SHOCK
          AT GREED RUN AMOK
          HE SOLD ALL HIS STOCK
          IN TIME!

                              JERRY
Dirk Stoat failed to get investment for his new company, on
account of facing fraud charges in Federal Court. He fled the
country and was last seen selling used cars in Bangkok.

               (MAGGIE and ELSA enter)

                                   MAGGIE & ELSA
          HE'S GETTING RICH
          WHILE WE'RE IN THE DITCH
          AND WHICH IS THE GREATER CRIME?

                              JERRY
Elsa Watson and Maggie Sprinkle established a start-up company
to develop power generation from cold fusion. Their angel
investor was none other than E. Willard Jones. As of now,
they‟re still working in the lab. But you know what? They‟ll
soon be needing a new CEO!

          I DESERVE YOUR TRUST
          INVEST IN ME!
          NO MORE WORRIES, JUST
          INVEST IN ME!

          BRILLIANT AND INSPIRING
          A JOY TO BE ACQUIRING
          AND READY FOR THE HIRING -- I'M FREE!

          BETTER THAN A BOND
          INVEST IN ME!
          INTEREST FAR BEYOND
          THE BEST C D!

          LISTEN TO MY STORY
          I'M LEADING YOU TO GLORY


9/15/08
                                                    2-8-115


          YOU'LL CELEBRATE VICTORIOUSLY!

          MISTER CHAIRMAN, VOTE FOR WHAT YOU SEE
          WATCH AS I PROMOTE THE BRAND CALLED ME!

          MAKE YOUR FIRST DEPOSIT WITH A
          LIFETIME GUARANTEE --
          HERE I AM, INVEST IN ME!

--------
THE END




9/15/08

				
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