Eating habbotts

bandersnatch Trying to please our parents since 1971

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011







Eating habbotts

Volume 40, Issue 9









Louisa Bielig

Staff Writer



One of the hardest things when

moving into your first apartment

is certainly filling the fridge and

your belly. Unfortunately, food

does not magically appear on your

plate anymore, and it can be quite

challenging and time-consuming to

get it there. Certainly, some basic

rules should be followed, like the

relationship of rice and water, the

avoidance of leaving any plastic

close to your stove, and putting

tomatoes before onions. However,

with some practice and planning,

feeding yourself as a student is easy

to learn and not worth worrying

about. First of all, sensible shopping

is essential because no one wants to

go to the supermarket every second

day, but buying everything in ad-

vance will end in rotten vegetables

and tainted meat. Therefore, there

is a list of basic things that should of hidden sugars, fats and chemicals portant meal of your day. For lunch, enough while only 20% think they

always be available and then you that you would rather not digest! many made a sandwich or cooked should improve.

can add different food to your diet. To see how people our age ac- for themselves (70%), only a few Interestingly, a majority of 60%

Try not to stick to this list all the tually cope with this challenge, a claimed to eat pre-made food (17%) does not use any help that the school

time, but consider it a helpful base survey of thirty people from JAC and even less go to the cafeteria provides, but everyone claimed

for a healthy diet. It is very useful to residence was done, asking for daily (7%), eat cereals or skip (again, don’t that the grocery bus to provigo, the

always have the following: a bag of food routine, habits on cooking and do it!). For supper, self-cooked food discount there and the vegetable

rice or noodles, two types of vegeta- prevailed (80%); basket delivered weekly are helpful

bles, one type of meat (unless you’re “80% of residence students only some eat

re-made food

in general. Many would appreciate

an increase in frequency or a new

a vegetarian), soup, beans (careful:

if they are not canned, they must think they eat healthy enough.” (20%). It is not destination for the grocery bus,

cook a couple of hours before being astonishing that as well as more supplies like the

edible), a variety of spices to create/ fast food, and what the school does most people claimed to cook for veggie basket. Other suggestions

enhance special flavors, cereals and or should do to support them in themselves every day (73%), but were more vending machine vari-

milk or toast plus spreads, bread, their opinion. some also hardly ever do (17%). ety or, on the opposite, no vending

lettuce and tomatoes for sandwich- It can arguably be said that resi- Only few cook four to five times a machines to prevent an unhealthy

es, and butter or margarine. A can dence students eat quite healthily day (10%), but everyone does it at diet. Other suggestions included

of ground tomato and/or cream can over all: the most common break- least once. Astonishingly enough, an oven for baking/cooking, gener-

serve for easy sauces; you don’t need fasts consist of cereal (60 %) or toast fast food and junk food are not ally clean reliable water supply and

to get too fancy at the beginning. (47%). Some eat eggs and/or bacon very popular; only 10% eat it four to more information on food supply.

What you should always try to (13%), yoghurt (10%) or fruits (7%). five times a week or more than that Apparently, both the school and

avoid (and this should be common Only one person claimed to skip (13%) while most eat it one to three the residents themselves seem to

sense) are pre-made sauces, fast breakfast on a daily basis, which is times (53%) or even less (23%). This do a good job on keeping everyone

food and hundred percent pre- certainly not recommended because also leads to the obvious statement generally supplied and healthy – so

made foods! Those tend to have lots it is considered to be the most im- that 80% think they eat healthy you can do the same!



Sections Check out Bander online! JAC alums start comedy site Online homework woes

Read it on page 12

Campus Life..................... 1 Search for the Bandersnatch page On December 21, three Abbott Calculus, Physics and

on Facebook; we’ve got this cool alumni from the Theatre deptart- Chemistry are subjects where

News ................................ 4 thing where you can read us online. ment opened the comedy website the actual problem solving is the

Arts.................................... 6 The pages turn and everything! This www.mattandkyleandmatt.com. most important part of the prob-

also means that you don’t have to One of those Matts happens to lem. Online homework places

Entertainment ................ 8 come to Abbott to pick up a Bander be the son of music teacher Karl emphasis on the answer instead

anymore; now your grandma can Raudsepp. They’re pretty funny, so of the work done and if I ever get

Games & Tech ................ 10 read all about the lack of bacon- check them out. it wrong, the only help I get is a

Opinions ........................... 12 flavored chips in the vending ma- big red rectangle with the word

chines and what Serag thinks of “incorrect” in it.

Sports ............................... 14 things. Moving towards the future,

since 1971!



Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 1

Club Spotlight: JACtivists BANDERSNATCH

John Abbott College

interested in learning about or discuss- example, we resolved not to cause any 21275 Lakeshore Road

Sean Cohen ing these issues. We promise that to oil spills this year, to fight discrimina- P.O. Box 2000

Contributor be a part of our club, you won’t have tion, and to promote environmental Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue,

Quebec, Canada H9X 3L9

to tie yourself to any tree or grab the sustainability, especially on a local Phone: (514) 457-6610 ext. 5389

Do you find yourself passionate megaphone at the frontline of a protest. level. Fax: (514) 457-6091

about animals and the environment, In fact, you don’t have to take part in You may be asking yourself, Office: H-041

an advocate for social justice, or con- any advocacy, per se. “How do these radical, crazy-winged Web: http://www.bandersnatch.ca/

E-mail: bandersnatchpaper@gmail.com

cerned about human rights issues? If There are lots of things you can do JACtivists plan on accomplishing

you answered yes to any of the above to support us, including helping out these feats?” It’s a valid question. David Alexander

questions, then JACtivists is the perfect with awareness campaigns and hang- The truth us, we need your help. Editor-in-Chief

club for you! We are a group of John ing out in our clubroom (H-049). Throughout the semester, we will be

Abbott College students who wish to Did you know that you could taking on a number of campaigns, in- Julien Simard

spread awareness about the above is- even support the JACtivists at home? cluding a campaign to support Leave Assistant Editor-in-Chief

sues through campaigns and advocacy. Visit http://tinyurl.com/jacfreerice Out Violence February 14, women’s

Joining up with the JACtivists has for information on how you can fight rights in March, and the environment Alexandra Lewyckyj

lots to offer, and it is our policy to hunger while surfing the web. in April. News Editor

welcome anyone who is even slightly This month kicked off with New We even plan on organizing a

Year’s celebra- potluck to discuss food security and Alex Callard

tions. To put a promote local food options. By join- Campus Life Editor

spin on things, ing forces with us, you will help bring

the JACtivists life to these campaigns. Patricia Fitzgibbon

decided to Keep your eyes peeled on the Entertainment Editor

come up with Daily Info to get meeting informa-

their own “New tion. Don’t worry if you have limited Jess Abran

World” resolu- availability, we’d still like to keep you Arts Editor

tions. These will informed! Search for us on Facebook

probably give or email jactivists@gmail.com for the Tim Gale

you a good in- inside-scoop this semester. Opinions Editor

dication about Students and faculty of JAC, unite!

what this club’s The world is in our hands. Serag Bulur

all about! For Games and Tech Editor





The great Facebook fast Henry Park

it. Although I like the idea of getting to each other. Sports Editor

Nevada McEniry-Hatajlo rid of it completely, I know it would After that, I left my account with a

Photography Manager actually just make my social life more friend and she changed my password Sarah Tayeh

difficult. Instead, I decided to go on a to make sure I wouldn’t cheat. I had Production Manager

Facebook is considered by some to 5 day Facebook break and write about to endure the end of the week and the

be a phenomenon. The social network my experience. weekend without Facebook which, in Julianna Astorino

that replaced Myspace has taken over The first thing I did was tell my all honesty, was really hard. The first Office Manager

our generation and has allowed people friends that I wouldn’t be online for couple of days were unbearable, but

all around the world to connect with the next five days and if anything towards the end I began to appreciate Nevada McEniry-Hatajlo

one another easily. that concerns me is happening, they the new liberty I gained from this. Photography Manager

At the same time, Facebook comes should call me. To my surprise, some I got so much more done and was

with some very heavy consequences. of my friends actually protested to still able to stay on top of my social Adam Chan

I find myself sometimes spending calling me on the phone. I don’t blame life. This experience was actually re- Webmaster

hours a day on it when I could be them because the sad reality of this deeming and something I will prob-

doing something more useful with situation is that many people have ably repeat in the future.

my time like homework. In addition, become uncomfortable with talking

you tend to lessen

actual conversation

and resort to short Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at

messages to build John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks

your relationships. and is partially funded by the Student Activities

When you choose to Commitee and by advertising solicited members.

communicate using Submissions are welcome and become property of

Bandersnatch. Submissions must be sent via E-mail

Facebook, you elim- to bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca and must be in

inate social interac- Plain Text format (.txt) or Microsoft Word Document

tions, like sarcasm format (.doc). All submissions must include the full

and excitement that name and telephone number of the contributor, as

can be detected in well as the e-mail address if applicable. Bandersnatch

reserves the right to reject submissions or to edit

speech. any submissions for length, legality, or clarity.

After a while, I Submissions should be a maximum of 400 words

noticed how I felt but may be printed if they are worthwhile. Spelling

my life was actually and grammar will not be corrected on submissions

being controlled by as it is the responsibility of the contributor to

correct them. Submissions should be dropped off

Facebook, that I was at the Bandersnatch office, located in the basement

starting to forget of Herzberg, room H-041 (across from the hallway

who I was without entrance of The Oval).





2 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Campus Life

Campus life

Are you cumming?

duction of The Vagina Monologues, Do you want to support the of- some prizes to be won, including gifts

Ashley Engel Laura from the V-day headquarters ficial V-Day Vagina Monologues from Chez Cora, Scarolies, Roses and

Contributor quotes, “They bought the rights to ‘The production, put together entirely by Passion, Coiffure Jo-Ann, Java U and

Vagina Monologues’ from the rights’ volunteers in order to raise the most much more!

For the past few weeks, JAC has holders at Dramatist Play Services, the money possible for charity? If so, then Show your support by attending the

been non–stop talking about The company that sells the play to people the show you’ll be heading to is on one and only Official V-Day Vagina

Vagina Monologues... and for good putting on commercial productions, February 17 and 18 (Thursday and Monologues and help us raise funds

reason! The Vagina Monologues is and is wholly separate from V-Day. Friday) at 8:00 pm in the Casgrain and awareness to help stop violence

part of “V-Day”, a global activist move- Unfortunately, they are able to sell to Theatre, so buy your tickets in advance against women and girls. We hope

ment that promotes creative events to whomever they want, and we have no at Student Activities! Tickets are 15$ you all cum!

increase awareness and raise money to control whatsoever over that.” and 12$ for students. There are awe-

help stop violence against women and The group producing

girls. Through its production at JAC, the profit-based produc-

the executive team hopes to expose tion of the show paid

more people to the unspoken subject for the rights and can

of women’s sexuality. therefore use the pro-

Unfortunately, an unforeseen con- ceeds to pay for this trip.

fusion has arisen. Another group But we’re worried about

– theater students and teachers - in the confusion over the

the College also had the same idea of two events. Many of you

putting on The Vagina Monologues, have seen our posters

but to raise money to go to Scotland and maybe even Marie-

for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Eve, the V-Day market-

No problem, except their production ing coordinator, IN the

is only one week before the official showcase last week.

V-Day production. The Va g i n a

How did this happen? Turns out Monologues was initially

there are two ways to put on this pro- created by Eve Ensler to

duction. You can either get the rights raise funds and aware-

from V-Day, follow their rules and be ness to help stop violence

a part of the global activist movement against women and girls.

to stop violence against women by All the money earned

donating ALL the money to charity, through the official

or you can buy the rights from a third V-Day production will be

party (not from V-Day) and put on a donated to the following

production for profit. three local charities: Rue

In response to our outrage that JAC Des Femmes, Chez Stella

would be hosting a profit-based pro- and Auberge Transition.



University for dummies

the counsellors will be there to make

Patricia Fitzgibbon sure you don’t leave uninformed. Greetings, Abbotters! SUJAC-Club Day is today,

Entertainment Editor And trust me: no question is a bad Wednesday, February 9, in the

question, so there is really no need It’s already Week 4 and so much Agora between 10:00 am and 3:00

It’s time to grow up. Take the time to be afraid of asking whatever you has happened! pm. Come by and take a look at

to sit with yourself and realize that don’t understand about admissions, A group of students attended all the Retro 70’s-style booths that

you are now entering adulthood. By CRC requirements, programs… McMUN--a McGill Model United continue the celebration of JAC’s

that, I mean that it’s time to apply for pretty much anything university- Nations Conference. This allowed 40th anniversary (founded in 1971).

university. Yes, I know – it’s terrify- related. They are also willing to help students to participate in a simula- CSKY is playing live and you can

ing. The responsibility of organizing you apply. There are 3 functioning tion of the United Nations as well as learn more about, and sign up for,

yourself for applications can be very computers with internet access, or, a number of other committees, in- the different Clubs and student or-

time-consuming and even a reason if you’re more comfortable with this, cluding NHL lockout negotiations. ganizations at John Abbott.

to stress… especially when you’re you can take in your own laptop The Student Union of John For all those looking to be

not prepared for it. But don’t think and apply with guidance right by Abbott College (SUJAC) Open more involved, SUJAC Congress

you’re going to have to do every- your side. House will take place in P-101 from Nominat ions are now op en.

thing all on your own; John Abbott If you’re not in your final semes- Monday to Wednesday, February Congress members are repre-

has its very own University and ter, you can stop by the UCIC as 14-16. Come by to have a coffee, sentatives of the students in the

Career Information Centre (UCIC) well. Perhaps you haven’t figured cookies, and to learn more about student government assembly.

to answer all of your questions. out exactly what you want to do, YOUR Student Union! Also, next Drop by P-101 to pick up your

After telling my friends about and the Centre can provide you week, the much anticipated John Nomination Form and to find out

this, most of them asked me, “What? with resources like pamphlets and Abbott College Winter Carnival more! Nominations close Tuesday,

John Abbott has a University Centre? calendars so you can easily sort out will take place from February February 15, at 4:00 pm. We’re

Where is this magical place?” Well, your options for universities. Not 14-18. Check the Daily Info or looking for students from both Pre-

fellow graduates, I’m sure at one only that, but they can also give you the JAC Portal for more informa- University and Technical Programs.

point we’ve all stood right in front information on career choices and tion about daily events. Also, the From everyone at SUJAC, we

of it. If you’ve ever gone beyond job search techniques. Confederation of Anglophone wish you an excellent continuation

the doors that lead into Student It’s really quite useful, and if you CEGEPs (COAC) recently met at of your semester. Drop by P-101 at

Services, you were just steps away are like me – freaking out over the Dawson and student representatives anytime, if you have any questions

from the Centre. By simply looking thought of screwing up every uni- from Champlain Saint Lambert at- or concerns. We will be happy to

to your right, you would have caught versity application and not getting tended for the first time this year. help!

eye-sight of the place that took a lot accepted because of a dumb mistake The meeting was a success!

of weight off my shoulders. leading to failure at life – then I

You don’t even need an appoint- highly suggest you head on over

ment; just walk right in and one of before the application deadline!



Bandersnatch Campus Life Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 3

Egypt’s popular revolution

square where they have persevered a nightmare for Mubarak, who has like Twitter, Youtube, and several

Louisa Bielig for several days now. Any attempts been in office for the last 29 years, blogs publish new information about

Staff Writer to clear the place are refused but the which is quite common in North the ongoing oppositionists’ struggle

demonstrations are mainly peace- African states. His reaction to first and the political changes every few

On Sunday night, Nobel Prize ful and optimistic. The only violent demonstrations by millions of people minutes and, even though the entire

laureate Ahmed Seweil stood in front incidences were brought about by was censoring the press even stronger situation is still quite obscure and

of an immense group of cameras adherents of president Muhammad and shutting down the internet. Even predictions are almost impossible

and told the press that there are five Hosni Mubarak who attacked op- blocking cell phone services was con- to make, one thing is sure: Egypt is

important points that will help Egypt positional demonstrators with clubs sidered – but all this does not seem on the move, and it won’t stop until

overcome its political crisis: changes and hurt reporters severely, includ- to stop the demonstrators. Websites significant changes are made.

of the constitution, abolishment of ing American and European

the state of emergency, release of journalists.

political prisoners, free elections and There are significant chang-

a reform of the media law. Seweil is es going on in the Middle East

part of the newly founded wisdom and Northern Africa. After

council that is constituted by nine massive demonstrations and

important Egyptian personalities and riots in Tunisia which trig-

is supposed to make suggestions for gered nascent protests in vari-

ways out of the national tense politi- ous other countries, Egypt has

cal situation. remained in turmoil for the

Very similar results were brought last few weeks. 40 % of Egypt’s

about by the popular vice president population is living below the

Omar Suleiman who scheduled poverty level and even young

a meeting with oppositionists on well-educated people struggle

the same day. Those results include to find jobs. This has repeat-

roughly the same suggestions but it edly led to tensions between

was not mentioned when and how president Mubarak’s leading

those changes will take place and a party and the opposition, in-

committee that is referenced in the cluding the strong Ghad party

press release is not even founded yet. and the officially forbidden

During this conference that got even Muslim brotherhood around

more media coverage and attracted Mohamed Badi that is sup-

an enormous international interest, ported by approximately 30%

thousands of demonstrators fol- of the entire population. As Muslim protestors pray, their Christian fellows protect them from security forces.

lowed the negotiations on the Tahrir The demonstrations are



Tunisian-inspired protests gain strength

considered at risk for extremist in- most protestors, and popular dis- Facebook, including a “Day of

Alexandra Lewyckyj fluence. Living in poverty, they are sent is expected to continue. Rage”. Personal liberties are se-

News Editor seen as potential recruits to militant Other protests have taken place verely limited.

Islamist groups. The country also in Algeria, but the situation there Though there are rumblings of

After protests in Tunisia inspired has a crippling unemployment rate has not escalated in the way things malcontent in both Morocco and

similar uprisings in Egypt, a wind of 35%. Saleh, in response to the in Tunisia and Egypt have gone. Libya, they have managed to avoid

of change has swept through North protests, has decided not to run Money there from oil is being put open protest, though through very

Africa and the Middle East. With again once his term expires in 2013, towards public spending, though different methods. Morocco, a

largely young populations and and has promised not to pass on corruption and unemployment monarchy, allows some freedom of

growing social problems, the region power to his son. remain a problem. expression which has let dissent dif-

has become increasingly volatile Jordan: Protests also spread to In Syria, protestors have been fuse, while Libya’s rigid autocracy

With the majority of the popula- Jordan, a monarchy ruled by King breaking through government has precluded any serious attempts

tion too young to remember the Abdullah, though the king him- censorship to plan protests on at protest.

election of leaders who have since self was not the target. It was,

consolidated power, the area is ripe rather, his parliament and par-

for change, though not all who want ticularly prime minister Samir

it will get it. Rifai. The majority of Jordan’s

Yemen: Tens of thousands gath- population is under 25, and

ered in protest in Sanaa, Yemen’s with a rising unemployment

capital, to call on the president rate, pressure on the king to

to step down. Ali Abdullah Saleh enact reform increased and

has been in power for 30 years but finally broke through. Since

found that power challenged in late the beginning of the protests,

January after successful Tunisian King Abdullah has dismissed

uprising that saw the president his cabinet and appointed a

flee the country. Yemeni protes- new prime minister, who is

tors called for economic reforms nevertheless not particularly

in response to growing poverty, new. Marouf Bakhit was prime

as well as decrying the country’s minister from 2005 until his

corruption. Yemen has a median resignation in 2007. The ap-

age of seventeen, with many youth pointment has not satisfied



4 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch News

Sled dog slaying in Vancouver exposed

However, the former- employ- further by examining the mass the country, as well as to sensitize

Laura Lussier ee allegedly made every effort grave, by performing necropsies, and put an end animal cruelty.

Contributor to find adoptive homes for the as well as by further analyzing Also, in light of the recent de-

animals and proper euthanasia, the circumstances with the help velopments, Outdoor Adventures

Animal rights actitvists are up but was not successful in this en- of the RCMP. has voluntarily suspended their

in arms after a worker’s compen- deavour. In the workers’ compen- In response to these revela- dog sled tours after a boycott

sation was issued to a Vancouver sation report, vivid descriptions tions, protest groups, rallies and placed on Facebook. A focus has

man after he killed one hundred of the conditions and deaths of petitions have been formed in been placed on the internet with

dogs and developed post-trau- the dogs were given, such as the the Vancouver area and across the intention of rallying people

matic stress disorder. In April mention of the use of a shotgun Canada in order to spread the behind the cause of ending the

2010, after the spike in tourism to eliminate the animals and a news of the largest cull of dogs in abuse of animals.

induced by the 2010 Olympics mass grave to bury

in Vancouver, a company named them in. Graphic

Howling Dog Tours and their details of the kill-

partner Outdoor Adventures, ings with vivid de-

specializing in sled dog tours in scriptions are avail-

the Whistler area, killed nearly able online.

one-third of their dog pack in Marcie Moriarty,

order to cut costs. the head of the

Since t he company could BC SPCA, refuted

no longer support all their ani- claims made that

ma ls af ter tour ism dropp e d, he r org an i z at i on

one hundred healthy dogs were was responsible

shot “execution-style”. The event since they did not

only came to light recently when accept the dogs. She

the employee who had been in stated that the man-

charge of the killings successfully a g e r of O ut d o or

received a post-traumatic stress Adventures could

disorder claim from Work-Safe have refused to un-

BC. This man is said to have been dertake these ac-

the manager of Howling Dogs tions. The British

and now suffers from panic at- Columbia SPCA

tacks, nightmares and depression has received war-

due to the circumstances of the rants in order to in-

executions. vestigate the matter



London courts to decide whether Assange stays or goes

that if he is extradited to Sweden, he cused of torture. after the Sweden hearings are over.

Robin Clark will be at risk of a “denial of justice,” Assange, an Australian, was Geoffrey Robertson said his client

Contributor as according to his lawyer who told arrested in December under a could face the death penalty if then

the UK court on February 7. European Arrest Warrant (EAW). sent to the US on separate charges

Founder of Wikileaks, Julian Outside Belmarsh Magistrates’ He spent several days in prison be- relating to the whistleblowing web-

Assange, faces extradition to Sweden Court in London, Assange’s lawyers fore being released on conditional site. Mike Huckabee, a potential

for crimes of sexual assault and rape accused the prosecutor in Sweden bail. He has been living since then Republican candidate for the 2012

in the coming days if he loses his attempting to extradite Mr Assange under what amounts to house arrest presidential election, has suggested

legal battle to remain in the United of having a “biased view” against at a Norfolk manor house owned the people responsible for leaking

Kingdom. Wanted for questioning men. They said he was “willing and by a friend. He is to remain there US diplomatic cables should be

by Swedish police over sex crime able” to co-operate with Swedish until the hearings are concluded executed, while Sarah Palin, the

allegations by two women, he is now authorities, so no arrest warrant within the following days. Yet many former Republican vice-presidential

deep into an extradition hearing in was needed. Speaking outside the are speculating over the possible candidate, said Assange “should be

the London courts to defend his court, the 39 year old Australian extradition to the United States hunted down just like al-Qaeda”.

case. Assange has denied the Swiss claimed that a “black

charges. In a two-day hearing, his box has been applied

lawyers are expected to claim that to my life. On the out-

Swedish prosecutors had no right to side of that black box

issue a warrant for his arrest because has been written the

he has not, as yet, been charged with word “rape.” That box,

any offences. now, thanks to an open

In the eye of a media storm, court process, is being

Julian Assange was released from opened. And I hope

prison, on bail, last December. over the next day, we

Now, the man that sharply divides will see that that box is

opinion is facing another crucial in fact empty and has

legal battle to preserve his free- nothing to do with the

dom. His supporters claim that the words written on the

accusations made against him are outside of it.” Assange’s

politically motivated and that if lawyers will argue that

sent back to Sweden, he may face extradition to Sweden

another extradition case to the would breach his hu-

United States, where he faces far man rights, consider-

more serious charges. Accused there ing Sweden has, in the

of threatening national security past, extradited sus-

and endangering American lives, pects to Egypt, which

Assange will be mindful of claims in turn has been ac-

Bandersnatch News Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 5

“Wordz”

Anonymous - Contributor









“Here And Back” “On sterillizing moby dick”

Tricia Fitz - Entertainment Editor Reid Thomas - Contributor



It wasn’t the explosion that hurt,

it was the physio-baths

where I played Moby Dick

and felt slow recovery

between the cracks in my arm.

The therapist suggested pills

to calm me

while she spread the cream

and complained about sterilizing the

whale.



They heard the explosion in town

over the fields and houses,

the trucks and torches

at the Downing garage.

The gas station itself

(it happened out back)

was where I ran to call my ambulance.

The front window has been broken

since

and someone even shit in the yard;

it turns out,

the fire extinguishers were never

loaded

and I’m allergic to silver sulfadiazine.







6 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Arts

“Yesterday morning” “High magic”

Jonathan Rist - Contributor Sofia Ajram- Contributor







This morning thickened

in clouds of redolence

seething with imbuement

and exhaled onto windows.





My mind also steeps.





On stained glass,

yesterday’s tracks re-emerge

and babies walk bare foot

on what could be ice,

or snow,





Or powdered sugar.





Through these prints,

of thumbs and fists,

a world ...









“Who The Hell Are

You To Say”

Jess Abran - Arts Editor





They say its got to stop

When you’re down

They say your mind will drop

and the words won’t come out.

Yeah, you’re smooth

With you’re telephone chord,

Yeah you can’t breathe

With it round’ your neck that way

Yeah you can’t breathe

With it tied around your neck that way.

Some say love will save us all.

Yeah, love will save us all

And that it’s true..

And that it’s true..

But who the hell are you to say.





Bandersnatch Arts Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 7

He’s an inspiration! New Releases

lost in the dialogue, which often be- However, James’ approach to staying

Tricia Fitzgibbon comes repetitive and eventually kind sober makes it seem like addicts are In Theaters

Entertainment Editor of cheesy. But he never fails to get his nothing but a bunch of over-dramatic,

point across, and isn’t afraid to go too whiney attention whores. 127 Hours

I love alcohol. When I feel it set- far in detail. In case you’ve ever won- Now, I’m not going to give away any The Roommate

tling into my body, I am overcome by dered how much physical pain a single spoilers, as I honestly think we should No Strings Attached

tingling joy and wrapped in a warm human being can endure, Frey offers a all grab a copy of this book and read it The Rite

blanket of happy and I want more. very vivid description of a root-canal immediately, but the story’s bittersweet

What follows can only be described with no anaesthetics. Beyond that, ending causes me to reconsider going CDs

as a competition between my intake he makes me believe that alcoholics/ into the pseudo-glamorous world of

of loveliness and my memory. I can- drug-addicts actually have feelings as alcoholism. As awesome as it would be Mr. Big - What if...

not imagine any sort of negative effect he blissfully falls in love with a crack- to end up in a place with: free food, my Motorhead - The World is Yours

coming from indulging in this bottled head whore. See, even addicts can be own room, a quiet outside area with a Nick Carter - I’m Taking Off

paradise. I envy alcoholics; drinking oddly adorable. nice view of a lake, daily activities, and Cut Copy - Zonoscope

all the time – they must be so happy! Though there are uplifting mo- people who have something in com-

I hope I can be one when I grow up. ments, the book is not only about mon with me, it all seems a bit risky DVDs

My parents say I can do whatever I attempting to save the hopeless. Since and for my own well-being, I would

want to if I put my mind to it. They, the majority of the time James is at the prefer to stay on Oprah’s good side. Paranormal Activity 2

however, have never read James Frey’s, rehab clinic, he is surrounded by the So I’ll let James Frey do the rehab- Monsters

A Million Little Pieces. Well I have… agony and desperation of other alco- bing for me. Plus, the book has a se- I Spit on Your Grave

and in comparison to Mr. Frey, I am holics and drug-addicts. The stories of quel to it, so I can read the rest of his Life As We Know It

humbled and a mere amateur. his acquaintances’ past lives are down- journey to sobriety while I sit back and

Based on a true story, A Million right pathetic, yet heartbreaking. It’s ironically take a sip of delicious maple

Little Pieces tells of an alcoholic/drug really just plain sad and inspires me to whiskey. Upcoming Releases

addict’s stay in rehab. When I say avoid anything like a Sex on the Beach.

“alcoholic/drug addict” I mean James In Theaters

Frey. And when I say “based on a true

story”, I mean that not all of it was true. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

But hey, it’s an alcoholic telling a story; February 11

how credible is his word? But in the Gnomeo & Juliet

end, it’s so well written that nobody re- February 11

ally seemed to mind…except Oprah. I Am Number Four

The story is written in a poetic-like February 18

format, that although seems formal, is The Chaperone

actually casual – as if you were directly February 18

in the mind of the author without any

corrections or re-phrasing. At times it CDs

can be hard to follow, and you may get

Roxette - Charm School

February 11

A new Superman Yuck - Yuck

February 15

production companies have been happening right now. The more Adele - 21

Serag Bulur jumping on the reboot band wagon. extravagant news is the announce- February 22

Games & Tech Editor For example, in 2003 we unfortu- ment of the actor that is to play the

nately got Ang Lee’s Hulk but in Man of Steel. British native, Henry DVDs

The streets of Hollywood are 2008, the big green rage-o-holic got Cavill, will be the new Superman

littered with it and I’m not talk- a second chance in The Incredible and its okay if you haven’t heard of Coraline 3D

ing about Steven Tyler’s dignity. Hulk, a significantly better adapta- him; he’s quite the unknown actor, February 15

Instead we are referring to the tion. In 2007 we got the shit fest which is something we’re all accus- Unstoppable

growing number of movies based that was Spider-Man 3, but that will tomed to. It’s not like Christopher February 15

on comic books and graphic nov- all be forgotten because in 2011 we Reeves and Brandon Routh were Due Date

els. However, the real shocker is can expect Andrew Garfield (the on Hollywood’s A-List when they February 22

the amount of franchises getting kid that wasn’t Jewish Michael Cera got the part. My Year Without Sex

cinematic reboots. Ever since the in the Social Network) to proudly Like the majority of actors, February 22

success of Christopher Nolan’s wear the Wall Crawler’s costume in Henry Cavill had been struggling

Batman Begins, which rebooted the an untitled Spider-Man film direct- for many years to land a part.

titular character after the miserable ed by the guy who made 500 Days What’s even more fascinating is Upcoming Events

nipple-suited George Clooney film, of Summer. Don’t worry; I’m just that he’s auditioned and has come

as confused and scared as you are. very close to having big name roles Down With Webster

Now, Warner Bros. have decided like James Bond. Well, it seems March 11

to reboot the Superman licence that his bad luck has ended and Metropolis

once more, because they owe us now he’ll be playing one of the Rush

for Superman Returns (a.k.a. I most iconic characters of all time. April 20

fell asleep an hour and a half in). Filming for the new movie will Bell Center

Nevertheless, this time it will begin soon if they expect to make Lady GaGa

be directed by Zack Snyder and their scheduled December 2012 April 25

produced by Christopher Nolan. release. Also expect to see The Dark Bell Center

Stop whatever you’re doing and Knight Rises which will open in the

listen to all the nerd-gasm that is Summer of 2012.



8 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch News

Bandersnatch Entertainment

The Oscars for dummies: Part 1

Hammer, a subtle, yet powerful origi- Colin Firth, Helena Bonham-Carter Take these comments with a grain

Julianna Astorino nal score, beautiful cinematography and Geoffrey Rush, it is no wonder this of salt and I urge you to eventually see

Office Manager and a cleverly written screenplay. The movie was able to gain a lot of praise. all of these movies and analyze them

Social Network proves to be one of the Though not the movie of a thrill- yourself. They are all fantastic in their

Our favourite academy is back, most pertinent movies of the year. seeker, it charms the audience with own right. But until then, I hope these

63 years old and with a whooping During a time when social networking the power of the quiet, meagre voice of small tidbits will help you sound posh

ten nominations for Best Picture. is a rising fad and technology takes no stuttering King George VI. This movie and cultured at your Academy Awards

Usually I find it difficult to see even rest, this movie delves deep into what has a nicely written screenplay, allow- party on February 27 and give you

the five nominated movies for this it is like to be living in the 21st century ing little marvels of words to sneak up something more to say than, “Hey,

award before the Oscars, so hopefully as well as providing a rich, very human on you in perfect timing with the bold is that the new Spiderman beside

these quick snapshot reviews will en- story of the relationships between peo- camera use and the complex charac- Jewish Michael Cera and the guy who

lighten those of you who haven’t gotten ple of our generation. Emotional, witty ters. Wonderfully British, this film is brought sexy back?” and “That’s the

around to the ten this year. and ridiculously endearing, this movie a threat for the title of Best Picture one where Natalie Portman makes out

Inception: After many years being rests near the top of the ten nominees. due to the lovely interactions between with that chick from That 70’s Show,

constructed by writer and director Toy Story 3: It’s a hard thing to the king, his wife and his wise speech right?” Until next time, Happy Oscars!

Christopher Nolan, Inception delivered accept, the letting go of childhood. therapist and one royalty’s discovery of And don’t forget to pick up the next

a mind-blowing theatrical experience. But somehow Pixar has softened the a voice he didn’t know he had. issue of Bandersnatch for Part 2!

The intricate plot details and carefully blow remarkably well. As expected, Black Swan: Undoubtedly,

structured story framework twists the Toy Story 3 did not disappoint. Pixar we’ve all heard talk of this provoc-

general notion of dreaming are what has an uncanny ability to move the ative film. Black Swan brings us

stand this film apart from the oth- audience from laughter to tears to into the dark, dangerous mind of

ers. Though difficult to completely laughter again in a matter of a couple of Nina (Natalie Portman), a prima

understand after the first viewing, the hours. Closing the door on the stories ballerina finally granted the role

complexity of the screenplay and the of Woody, Buzz and the rest of Andy’s of a lifetime. Working alongside

admirable performances of Ellen Page toys that we’ve all grown up with, Nina is Lily (Mila Kunis), a new-

and Joseph Gordon-Levitt allow for this film has that warm feeling only comer to Nina’s ballet company

an exhilarating action experience. Just comparable to when you wrap your and seen as a threat to her role, the

make sure not to get distracted during fingers around a mug of hot chocolate lead in “Swan Lake”. With thrill-

the movie- when you tune back in you on a cold day, inviting in the heat like ing, haunting and almost disturb-

may find yourself lost in an entirely an old friend. Due to the fact that it’s ing scenes, this journey into the

different level of sleep. animated, it is unlikely that this movie human psyche is uncomfortable,

The Social Network: It is hard to shall receive the Oscar, but we can be yet strangely alluring. The play

find flaws in a movie that seems to fairly certain that it’ll take home the with the music from the original

have gotten it all right: the smart young award for Animated Feature Film. ballet is exquisite and after leaving

talents of Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew The King’s Speech: With a star- the theatre you have truly had a

Garfield, Justin Timberlake and Armie studded cast such as that consisting of one-of-a-kind film experience.









Monday

CARNIVAL 2011 Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

February 14 February 15 February 16 February 17 February 18



Theme Day: Theme Day: Theme Day: Theme Day: Theme Day:

Red or Pink 80s Crazy Hat Snow Day Pajama Day

(wear red or pink to show your (Time to bring back the crazy times, (Bring out the strange; wear a crazy (Tuques, scarves, mitts. Any two of (Break out the comfort wear, it’s

love this Valentine’s Day) wear something 80 ish to win) hat to win!) these can give you a shot at the prize) time to relax. Wear your PJ’s for a

chance to win.)





Valentine Loonie Breakfast Carnival Day Ms. John Abbott Movie

Photo booth 7:30 – 9:30 11:30 - 2:30 Beauty Pageant “Tangled”

All Day (for men) 11:00 & 1:00

Family Feud With: 1:00

Couples Contest 11:30 (Tarot Card readings,

11:30 Airbounce, Caricatures, The Great JAC

Karaoke Booths for all interests.) Ski/Snowboard Night Scavenger Hunt

1:00 at All Day long

Dating Game Mont St-Sauveur (you and your partner need 1 hour

1:00 Mini-Volleyball Bus leaves at 4:15 of free time together in order to

Tournament (Cost $29.00, add $15.00 for compete)

(Gyms 1 & 2) rentals)

4:15 - 6:00 “X” Marks the Spot

All Day









Sign up and get involved!

Bandersnatch Entertainment Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 9

Sims files season 2 Serag’s Private Column

Though don’t be thinking my vam- Vampires in The Sims are interest- of Awesome Thoughts

Patricia Fitzgibbon pire, Jasper, was in any way influenced ing. They get their own cute little cof-

Entertainment Editor by the gay one in Twilight. Mine has fins, their own cute little drinks, their By now, everyone has

no such mood control shit – just the own cute little ability to hunt in public heard about the Kinect, that

A lot of you may not remember ability to run faster and read others’ locations; it’s all so nifty. But there’s so little device that sits atop your

me, but I am the Sims Files reporter. minds. Plus, mine actually has to be much more I have to explore about Xbox 360 and mimics your

I used to write amazing articles about polite and ask to drink the blood of these pale characters. movements as you play the

the lives of The Sims 3 and make all his targets. Sometimes Sims can be so I know this wasn’t exactly like the game. The whole gimmick is

sort of experiments. It was a great insensitive and refuse to help out…so Sims Files we all know and love, but that you get to be the control-

success. But eventually, due to my lack I just made Jasper’s sister get married I’m just building up to what’s coming ler. Because holding a plain

of The Sims 3 expansion packs, I ran to some pretty looking fellow so Jasper up in the next issues. I guarantee I’ll white stick or a dildo with a

out of things to cover. However, now could drink blood whenever he darn be experimenting with these vampires rubber ball mounted on top

I have returned, for I have purchased well needed to. Yeah, the guy feels sick in unimaginable ways. Hell, not even I just sounds stupid. Now, for

the latest Sims 3 Late Night and feel for a few hours, but his life span in- know what to expect! You’ll be hearing all those who own a Kinect,

ready to explore the new features of creases. So in the end, everybody wins. from me soon. did you ever wish you could

the game. play sexy adult games on it?

In my absence, I created the Well if you do, then I’ll never

Dumougibbon family. So far I am shake your hand and instead

in what I believe is my 13th genera- tape a sign to your back that

tion of Sims, and our family name is reads how you’re a local sex

now Meyers. One of our members is offender. Considering that

named Jasper, and he, my friends, is the Kinect is open source

immortal. Yes, I said “immortal”… (anybody can make a game

as in “vampires”, perhaps the most using the hardware) it was

abnormal feature of the expansion only a matter of time before

pack. World of Warcraft enthusiasts

They live on blood (or plasma and failed actors resorting

juice/fruit) and have purple bars in- to the porn industry started

stead of green ones. But luckily, they making XXX games. And

don’t glitter in the sunlight or have the games won’t be on the

the ability to woohoo with normal Xbox 360 but rather on the

Sims (trust me; I tried). As a matter Windows 7 operating sys-

of fact, it’s more True Blood oriented tem. Meaning that, before

than Twilight oriented. you indulge yourself in the

finest porn on RedTube you

can enjoy a quick session of

Pokémon: Everyone’s best friend Nipple Doctor on the Kinect.

Actually, I lied. The greatest endary Pokemon Reshiram and Is this something we need?

Emily Brayton problem I had playing Pokemon Zekrom respectively. But those Well, I’d say we need this as

Staff Writer was stopping myself from playing aren’t the only new Pokemon! 156 much as we need a radar that

it. I kid you not, I just went off bad-boys (and girls) are going to detects down syndrome folk.

On December 22, Christmas for about half an hour in Kanto befriend or battle you, and it’s go- If you find that’s a necessity

came early at the Brayton house- on Route 6, and battled someone ing to be AWESOME. then you terrify me and the

hold. My boyfriend, in attempts to with a Slakoth. You have no idea For starters, choose between small percentage of people

introduce me to video games, the grassy Snivy, fiery that surround you.

lent me his DS, with Pokemon Tepig, and the water y ***NOTE: The list at the

HeartGold to start me off. My Oshawott, and then you bottom will be sexy Kinect

first decision was to choose wi l l b e on your way. themed games. Enjoy!

Chikorita, which apparently You’ll battle this guy ‘N’

no one else has done? Silly. a lot, and I don’t know Games you wish existed

Anyway, I played for about ten whether to think he’s cool

hours after that, and had one or not, because he wears

badge. I kind of sucked. Then a Rubik’s Cube on a chain Bruce Dickinson gets

I had freaking Bugsy causing and has green hair. his Cowbell

me problems with Scyther and Other features, such Michael Jackson’s Beat It

the U-Turns and crap. After I as a seasonal cycle every

got Togepi, though, it was a month, have been added,

cakewalk. which is cool, because the Butt Plugger & Mech Fighter

The greatest feat to over- new Pokemon Shikijika

come for me was remembering to how excited I still am. and Mebukijika, change with the Call of Booty:

check if the Pokemon was a boy It’s been 45 hours for me now, seasons. You can also only access Interracial Ops

or a girl. My Chikorita was male, and you’ll be pleased to know certain places depending on the

with the unfortunate fate of being Meganium is now Umberto, and season. Naked Twister

named Rita, even when he had Donphan is Donna. When will you be able to get Rain Man the Game

evolved twice into my now super- Oh, right, I should tell you… your hands on this wonder, you

awesome grassy Meganium. Too Pokemon is coming out with a new ask? March 6th, that’s when! Spank Master

bad I can’t call him Megan now. RPG. Two different versions, too! You’re going to have to be smart For the Atari 6900 & Shaguar

Then there’s my female Donphan, Pokemon Black Version and White about this… super effective, even!

Donald. Clearly I have problems. Version, with reeeeeeally neat leg- Balls Deep in Trouble



10 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Games and Tech

Once more, with feeling: A Dead Space 2 review

Nick Cameron Greene

Contributor



When Dead Space 2 was first

announced, I cringed to the idea

of the developers potentially

ruining a game and series that I

now hold so dear. Througout the

entire development cycle, news

of the upcoming game has been

trickling out until the days lead-

ing up to its launch and they’ve

been pretty hit or miss; especially

the entire “Your mom hates Dead

Space 2” marketing campaign.

The game takes place three

years after the events of the first

game on The Sprawl, a colony

that neighbours Saturn. Isaac

Clarke is suddenly awoken in a

mental hospital where he finds

himself stuck in the middle of a

necromorph outbreak, much like

the one on the Ichimura.

With all the worrying I had

leading up to the games release; that enough. It does a great job of of stepping on a dead body, to the the goal is to get to the end of the

I am completely floored by just being clever with its environments atmospheric chatter that’s haunt- level within the time limit. It’s very

how good Dead Space 2 is. It is and keeping that unsettling feeling ing Isaac Clarke’s mind. There similar to the Left-4-Dead style

hands down one of the best games in your gut the entire game. isn’t enough praise I can give to multiplayer. It’s not mind-blowing

I have ever played. The gameplay The graphics, for the most the sound design. One of the big- by any stretch of imagination but

is ultimately the same as the first part are superb. You can tell that gest changes from the original it does the job. It’s a good diver-

one; a horror filled 3rd person Viceral Games is really pushing Dead Space is that the main mute sion from the main story after

shooter. The character movement the hardware to its limits. If I protagonist Isaac Clarke now has you’ve beaten the game.

has been sped up and a lot of little wanted to nit-pick, I could say that a voice. This was one of the big- Dead Space 2 is the first block-

problems have been either fixed or the characters faces are a little bit gest worries that I and many other buster release of 2011 and is likely

completely removed; I’m looking hit or miss and for the first half Dead Space fans had, but it made to be on many people’s Game of

at you turret sequences. of the game, I find that the game the character far more believable The Years lists come December.

I can’t talk about a survival hor- repeats the environments way too and relatable. Yes, it’s that good. Buy it. Play it.

ror game without mentioning just often. A multiplayer mode has also Love it.

how terrifying this game is. This The audio, much like the first been added this time around. It’s

game is SCARY, I can’t emphasize game, is perfect. From the sound Necromorphs vs. Humans where





Portable gaming: A turn for the worst

audience was the core gamer. It’s ries and they aren’t going to it’s primary focus to be gaming,

Alex Callard not that they didn’t care about spend manpower and developing and if it can do movies and Twitter

Campus Life Editor the mainstream, but Everyday something that isn’t going to be or whatever, great, but I’m going

Jim wasn’t down with the video profitable, and that’s exactly my to use it to play games. I hope the

A couple of weeks ago, Sony games, so the core gamers were problem with today’s market. If I mainstream market agrees with

finally unveiled the successor to the biggest market. Now that we’ve want to play a Doodle Jump-type me, because I want a system that’s

the PSP, tentatively called the Next got the iPhone, cheap games like game, which I often do, then I’ll going to deliver a deep gaming

Generation Portable, or NGP. This Angry Birds are selling more than play it on my iPhone. If I’m going experience, not another copy of

new system will feature a retard- bigger-budget games aimed at to drop $300 on a 3DS, or even Angry Birds.

edly state-of-the-art Organic LED core gamers. more on the eventual NGP, I want

screen with multi-touch function- Now don’t get me

ality, WiFi and 3G connectivity, wrong, I love Angr y

Android compatibility and a damn Birds and Peggle and all

touch pad on the BACK of the that, but these games are

system, for reasons I will never selling millions on the

understand. iPhone and companies

It’s pretty safe to say that this like Sony are most likely

thing is the portable gaming clueing in that spending

equivalent of getting braces made thousands on making

of obsidian. Sure, it’s fancy, but Awesome God of War:

am I the only one who really just PSP Rad Edition is still

wants a portable system to play going to sell less than

games? Now that the NGP is go- iFarmville. Even in the

ing to have 3G, it’s only a matter of last generation, the DS

time before we see Facebook and tended to stay away from

Twitter apps for Android. And I bigger games in favour

hate that. of the casual market.

Back before the advent of the I’m not a moron; I

iPhone, handhelds like the GBA know that these com-

and DS had one main focus; to panies are out to make

play video games, and their main money and pay sala-

Bandersnatch Games and Tech Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 11

Viva La Revolution

of the population, the economic nothing to do, think. They think can’t we have that, too?”, and

Bee Clarke stagnation and widespread about the political repression, the decided to do something about it.

Staff Writer unemployment in these countries. riggings in their last election, the The sheer number of people

Egypt has the highest plan that Mubarak had to have his who marched upon Tahrir Square

If you haven’t heard about unemployment rate among a son succeed him, and they look at over the past week or so has to

the protests in Northern Africa, literate population. So, we have the western world, where we have be a sign that something is wrong

you must be living under a rock h u g e n u m b e r s o f e d u c a t e d , democracy, where no leader can with a system. A system that can

or watching Jersey Shore and literate, unemployed younger stay in power for 30 years, where anger millions of citizens has to

Gossip Girl re-runs. After decades citizens who have access to all the the educated can get decent jobs, be severely flawed. This could

of dictatorship in many countries, medias that we have, a window freedom of speech and expression. be our generation’s Berlin Wall,

including Egypt, the people have into the western world, who, And they think, probably exactly this could be the big change in

started to retaliate, and despite the because they’re sat at home with what you’re thinking now: “Why our world, the beginning of a new

recent blood shed and violence era, and isn’t it breathtaking?

that we’ve seen, especially in The people should never be

Egypt, I think this is one of afraid of their government, a

the most beautiful things that government should be afraid of

I’ve ever seen, possibly will its country’s people, and that’s

ever see. what the Egyptians are saying,

Now, there are two sides that’s what they’re screaming,

to every revolutionary fence, through the blood shed and

a r e n ’t t h e r e ? T h e r e ’s t h e tear gas. It’s time for freedom,

economist’s point of view, it’s time for democracy, it’s

and the freedom fighter ’s. time for change. I’d give

And what do I have to say anything to be there, in Cairo,

to the economist? It’s just protesting with them, but

money, sure, money is the until then, I’m there in spirit.

fuel to the cogs of this modern Revolution, humanities best

day capitalistic world, but quality. Revolution, proving

s h o u l d n ’t w e p u t h u m a n that we do change for the

rights higher up on our list better.

of priorities? Take a look at

the poor living conditions





Homework from another dimension...the virtual dimension

work places emphasis on the an- like WeBWorKs and LON-CAPA then invoke knowledge that would

Alex Messina swer instead of the work done and are more frustrating than useful terrify a renaissance scholar in

Staff Writer if I ever get it wrong, the only help and don’t accomplish anything order to figure out where I went

I get is a big red rectangle with more than giving me headaches. wrong. Of course, there are those

Now, I don’t know what it’s like the word “incorrect” in it. What I very much miss the days when classes where teachers review

for people in other programs, but follows is a scramble through my I did homework on paper because the stuff that was covered in the

a great deal of school work we untidy work (because I don’t have if I ever did do anything wrong, homework and I could always use

Science students do is at home. to show it to anybody and thus my teacher would kindly point some of the school’s amazing help

It is an integral part of the learn- can save paper by writing in very out to the places where I made centers but the act of completing

ing experience since it involves small print) to figure out where I mistakes and I would learn from homework has become an unruly

doing work on your own and might have made an error. What it. In this case, I have to stare at complicated mess.

thinking for yourself in various I’m trying to say is that websites some variables and numbers and I’m not some evil critic though,

circumstances. When a science and I don’t believe virtual home-

student ignores his homework, work should be discarded as a

the consequences are, well, very useless tool. It does have its uses

apparent. So, given its important and there are some websites that

nature, why does its completion do a terrific job. The best web-

need to be so complicated? I’m site I’ve used by far is Mastering

not speaking of the actual content Chemistry as it offers a vast

here, only the means by which it array of hints, knows what you

is completed. I don’t like jumping did wrong and is just generally

through hoops to do unpleasant user friendly. It is, of course,

work and virtual homework is the not free as a subscription for 2

biggest hoop of them all. years is about 50$. I personally

My biggest complaint towards believe it’s worth it though and

online homework is the fact that I that the benefits of using these

feel like the only benefit to using websites should be re-evaluated

these websites is that I’ve become by whoever is in charge. I know

unnaturally good at data entry. of a lot of people who agree

Calculus, Physics and Chemistry with me and I believe further

are subjects where the actual prob- investigation upon the matter

lem solving is the most important is warranted.

part of the problem. Online home-



12 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Opinions

3 reasons why birds keep dying in Arkansas

he builds his ultimate death device six days straight. Also, he hasn’t tried powers (yes, like the Silver Surfer)

Serag Bulur and watches as all the birds die. Even acting in years. I don’t know where are delivering mass destruction on a

Games & Tech Editor though this scenario is completely I’m going with this but, please John universal scale. Before we know it, our

capable of being true, it still doesn’t Cusack, start being good in movies maple syrup supply will run dry and

Like most concerned conspiracy explain the dead fish that keep pop- again. We miss you. we’ll all resort to our primal instincts

theorists and the one-armed home- ping up everywhere in Brazil or other 1. Now if the Mayan calendar and none of us want that. May I sug-

less man that reeks of cat urine, I birds that keep dying in other places foreseeing our fate didn’t seal the deal, gest that we Kumbaya the world like

too jumped to radical conclusions around the world. It’s alright though; then brace yourself because God hates it’s never been Kumbayad before. If

when I heard of the 5000 red-winged I have at least two more reasons why us. Which God? All of them, that way Discovery Channel commercials try to

blackbirds falling dead from the sky this might be happening. nobody gets hurt because no one‘s be- get a single message across, it’s that the

in Beebe, Arkansas. At first glance, 2. Roland Emmerich is Miss Cleo. lief is to blame. The gods that look like world is awesome. And even though

I turned the other cheek and I wore For those of you who don’t know, Santa Clause, the omnipresent ones, that’s a load of hippie nonsense, let’s

my neglect cap (a cap that will come Roland Emmerich is the director of the half man/half animal ones; multi- tap that market anyways and just

in handy during fatherhood). But 2012 and The Day After Tomorrow. ple hand God is super pissed too. Hell, treat this planet with the gentle love

then shit got real and other animals He’s also known for making Will even the short fat one that’s always and care it deserves. Because Myth

in other cities and countries decided Smith save our planet from an alien in- happy is going John McClane on our Busters is an awesome show and if

to continue the trend of a suicide pact. vasion. His code of conduct is to make asses. If you don’t know who McClane it does end I want it to be because of

Even though experts gave educated films that have unnecessary amounts is, then we have one reason as to why low ratings and not the Rapture or

guesses as to why this phenomenon is of special effects and focus less on a “God” is doing this. I guess you can something apocalyptic. So remember,

occurring, I still believe that they are coherent story or acting. On one of his argue that the Big Guy doesn’t exist, it’s just the end of all life everywhere

hiding valuable information from us coke high induced dreams, he was vis- which is totally cool. I believe the uni- and anywhere in the universe. It isn’t

and so I’ve compiled a list of plausible ited by the Mayan space ghost known verse is run by Voltron or a Gundam. premature fireworks being set off the

reasons (if you stretch your imagina- as Gwim-Gwamb. The interstellar Which I guess only makes matters night before on New Year’s Eve kill-

tion a bit) for all this crazy shenanigans phantom warned Mr. Emmerich worse. Regardless, if you don’t believe ing 5000 red-winged blackbirds due

in the animal kingdom. of the Mayan calendar prediction in anything then consider the universe to trauma. That’s just a silly statement

3. A mad scientist is most likely and how the ending of the calendar being sick of the way we run things. backed up by facts and science.

getting back at his ex-girlfriend for will bring about doomsday (not the I mean we have done some horrible

cheating on him with a flock of red- Kryptonian bred monster that killed stuff during our brief stint as the hu-

winged blackbirds. I’ll admit that it’s a Superman). Gwim-Gwamb, with his man race: Slavery, genocide, pollution,

little farfetched only if you’re against dying breath, said that the only way war and MTV. So it’s understandable

bestiality but if Phil Collins has taught to warn and save the people of Earth that those who have higher cosmic

me anything, it’s that animals deserve of this inevitable catalytic end is to

just as much love from us as boobies make a film about it starring John

and ding-dongs. Obviously this sci- Cusack in the leading role. Roland

entist (let’s make him finish to spice gave Gwim-Gwamb a Celtic burial

things up) came home from a long and made the film the following

days work conducting magnet theory morning. What did we do once it

at the velvet factory when he opens was released worldwide into our

the door and sees his wife’s clothes local theatres and torrent files? We

and soft feathers draped along the watched it, were entertained by it

entrance way of his town house. The (but not really because it sucked)

odour of five week old Pizza Pocket and forgot about it within the hour.

and burnt hair laced with copper We did not heed the advice of our

cleaner is present. He enters his master modern day prophet and so we

bedroom to find over a dozen of those were punished by the first signs

feathery home wreckers going to town of the Apocalypse. That’s right,

on his wife, like crazy bondage and people of Earth. The first sign of

pain stuff. Butt-less chaps and all. He’s the Mayan Apocalypse is defi-

completely furious, maybe beats his nitely a colossal amount of birds

wife for dramatic and Oscar worthy falling dead in some bum chuck

buzz, and goes back into his miser- city in America. This also answers

able cubical office world and creates a the dead fish question. Speaking

device to simultaneously kill all red- of dead fish, have you seen John

winged blackbirds in Arkansas. Why Cusack lately? He looks like a fat

Arkansas? Why not! Fuelled by rage pug that’s been binge drinking for



Hallmark Holiday

go-lucky” girl and I love holidays Every single person on this planet insatiable. Although my questions

Emily Sweer but I have questions that don’t seem has an “id.” In psychology, the “id” is aren’t being answered, I’m simply try-

Contributor to provide specific answers. Here’s a defined as our inner desires. We all ing to make it aware to everyone that

question that I am sure most of you have wants and needs; we all crave just because a holiday like Valentine’s

Why is it that whenever Valentine’s will think about for the rest of the day: relationships, sex, shelter, comfort, Day makes you want to run out and

Day comes around, almost every girl Why do we create New Year’s resolu- love, food, and several other things. buy sweets for your honey, why not

in the world feels the need to obsess tions? And why do we do it on New And these are things we want all the do it on a regular day?

about getting chocolates, flowers Year’s Day specifically? Why can’t we time and we will continue to want

and romance from their loved ones? continue to change and progress our these things until the end of time.

Throughout the ages, Valentine’s Day lives day by day instead of relying For instance, because of the things

has been known as the “Hallmark exclusively on one day out of the year we crave, we have created a holiday

Holiday,” the holiday of Cupid and to say, “Oh gee, I guess I better change solely for the purpose of romance and

love and affection. What I don’t un- my attitude” or “I guess I better watch making our inner desires happy. Yes,

derstand is why we do it on this ONE my weight and start that new diet” or it is the circle of life. We have such

day. Why do we need to create an ex- even “I guess I better get some help high expectations for this holiday, or

tra amount of romance simply on one with those finances, etc.” We need to whatever Valentine’s Day provides us,

day out of the 365 days of the year? understand that our human values and because of this, many of us get

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “happy- are what bring about these thoughts. our hearts broken, are dissatisfied and

Bandersnatch Opinions Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 13

Packer’s reign supreme

tum as he continued to pick apart coverage by pro-bowl safety Troy Bay Packers were crowned as the

Henry Park the “steel curtain” and found Greg Polamalu. The Steelers came back 2011 NFL champions.

Sports Editor Jennings for a 21-yard touchdown. to score with a touchdown by Mike

On the final possession of the first Wallace, and

On Sunday, February sixth, half, Big Ben ran his two minute e v e n forc e d

the Green Bay Packers and the drill and managed to pull off a 77- the Packers to

Pittsburgh Steelers faced off at yard drive, capped off by a 8-yard punt on t he

Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, touchdown to the former super next posses-

Texas for an epic showdown for bowl MVP Hines Ward. sion. With 2

the ages. The evening began with The Black Eyed Peas were fea- minutes left

Christina Aguilera’s “botched” tured in the halftime show along in the game,

performance of the national an- with special guests Usher and B i g B e n at -

them, where she completely forgot Slash (of Guns N’ Roses). Overall tempted to

a line and as an inevitable result, the show was spectacular mainly make a come-

it instantly became viral. The because of the Tron-like theme back drive

Packers dominated offensively in with amazing synchronizations but failed to

the first quarter, mainly through of the hundreds of dancers sur- convert on

Aaron Rodgers exploiting the rounding the stage. The Steelers 4th down to

Steelers’ man-to-man coverage. defense came out the second half Mike Wallace

Jordy Nelson scored the game’s and reminded everyone why they with 50 sec-

first touchdown on a 29-yard were considered to have the best onds lef t in

strike from Rodgers. Just 24 sec- defense in the NFL. The Packers the game. The

onds later on, the Steelers’ ensuing were forced to punt on all four Packers then

possession, Ben Roethlisberger of their possessions, as Aaron took their vic-

threw his first pick of the night Rodgers couldn’t find the same tory kneel and

to Nick Collins and returned rhythm he had in the first half. gained their

it 37 yards for the touchdown. Rashard Mendenhall pounded 2nd franchise

However, the Steelers began to the Packers’ defense and scored Super B owl

pick up their offense in the sec- an 8-yard touchdown, bringing win. Aaron

ond quarter as they led a 49-yard Pittsburgh back into the game. Rodgers was

drive to finally get on the board Aaron Rodgers was able to find a named MVP

with a field goal. Aaron Rodgers, wide-open Greg Jennings in the of the game

however, never lost his momen- end zone because of a rare blown and the Green



Evening at the Casgrain gym

you get music to keep the environ- who wants to change to a healthier John Abbott gym, then congratula-

Patricia Fitzgibbon ment approachable, you get a chance lifestyle. I was one of those who tions – you’re on your way to what

Entertainment Editor to meet new people (and possibly claimed there was no time in my must be the highest level of laziness.

even encounter your friends who schedule. If you relate to that, I’ll But if you happen to change your

John Abbott has so many use- happen to be in shape), you get to tell you: yes, you DO have time and mind at any point, head down to

ful resources and it makes me sad do something good for yourself – all leaving John Abbott at 7:00 instead the Casgrain Sports Centre in the

to know that people only find out in the exact same building that you of 5:30 does not make that much Casgrain basement and talk to one

about them when they reach their have your classes in. It’s convenience of a difference. If you work, then I of the representatives or check out

fourth semester or sometimes even at its best. accept your excuse. But if you tell the John Abbott website for more

after they graduate. There’s so much You should know by now that me you’re too lazy to sign up for the information.

that students can benefit from if only you’re not go-

they’d make more of an effort to ing to get in

search the areas of the school. One shape by up-

area, for example, is the Casgrain dating your

basement. Though it’s mainly known Facebook sta-

for the Theatre student’s secret tus on how

hideaway or where those C.A.L.L. bored you

students store their camera equip- are. So why

ment stuff (I hear it smells weird), not take on a

it’s also where the Casgrain Sports healthy after-

Centre is located. Not many school activ-

people are aware of it, but those gym ity that’s easily

rooms are there to be used. If you’re accessible? I

thinking it’s only for physical educa- spent an en-

tion classes, then think again. When tire semester

all the yoga mats and racquets are going to the

put away at 5:30, only half an hour John Abbott

later the gym doors are re-opened, weight room

to the public functioning as a nor- every day af-

mal work-out area. And guess what! ter class. It

John Abbott students get a discount! was a great ex-

You’ve got access to all of the equip- perience and

ment, you get a yearly pass for an af- I recommend

fordable price (60 delicious dollars), it to anyone



14 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Sports

Press Release

MEN’S BASKETBALL SPLITS seem to throw the opposition out Fly and Mike Mayer and Jonathan make a run for it, but the 7th place

WEEKEND ACTION of sync. The lead was increased to Cloutier finished 5th in 100 Fly Lady Isles continued their high-

The men’s basketball team had 20 points, and the Islanders never and 50 Free respectively. Finally, pressured defense and relentless

two important matchups this past looked back, winning the game 73 the men’s relay teams dominated as attack to the basket, which allowed

weekend. On Friday night they - 50. Tyrrell led all scorers with 20, the finished first, second and third. them to secure a very important

traveled to Montreal to take on the and Sanjay Patel added 10 points. WOM E N ’ S BA S K E T BA L L win in their hunt for a playoff spot.

second place Dawson College Blues. SWIM TEAM DOMINATES SPLITS WEEKEND ACTION All ten Lady Islanders made the

The Islanders started the game with WEEKEND’S MEET On Friday night the L ady scoreboard including 3 rookies

great energy and enthusiasm as The swim team continued its Islanders traveled to Dawson who were in double digits: Miriam

they built up a 12 point lead on the league domination on Saturday College and lost 83 - 48. Dawson Bauman (14 points), Leyla Erdan

Blues midway through the second afternoon as they accumulated “welcomed” the Lady Isles with a with (12 points; 4 - 4 from the 3

quarter. However, Dawson adjusted 877.5 points, 429 points more than suffocating man-to-man defense point line) and Natacha Roach (11

their play and slowly chipped their closest rival Collège Ahuntsic. right from the outset and set the points). Dayna Bassel and Rita Sibo

away at the Islanders’ lead and by Performing well for the women tone for the game. Leading the way also chipped in 11 points each.

halftime; the Isles were up 38-37. were Valérie De Broux (1st in 50 for the Lady Islanders were Dayna HONOR ROLL

Midway through the fourth quarter, Breast and 100 Fly), Robyn Ochiai Bassel and Rita Sibo with 10 points Brandon Robinson, volleyball –

Dawson was able to extend its lead (2nd in 50 Free and 5th in Back) and each. 30 kills, 6 stuff blocks

and went on to win 78-74. The top Christine Wilk (3rd in 50 Free and Following its Friday night loss, Kirby Coussa, swimmer - 1st in

performers for the Islanders were: 4th in 100 Back). Kate Gibson and the Lady Islanders redeemed them- 100m Fly, 3rd in 200m Free and 1st

Cory Simmons (16 points), Jordan Carol-Ann Dom finished 4th and selves by defeating the Lions of in the 4 x IM relay

Tyrrell (14 points), Nathan Joyal (13 5th, respectively, in 200 Free. The Champlain St. Lawrence in Quebec Miriam Bauman, basketball –

points) and Sanjay Patel (9 points women’s relay teams also performed City with a score of 86-60 on Sunday season high 14 points in win over

and 4 rebounds). well as they finished 2nd and 5th. afternoon. The Lady Islanders start- St-Lawrence

Sunday afternoon, the 6th place Meanwhile, on the men’s side, ed the game with great intensity Ryan Gentry, volleyball - 9 kills,

Isles travelled to Quebec City and Kirby Coussa had another great causing the Lions to turn over the 7 stuff blocks, 2 aces

played against Collège Limoilou. meet (1st in 100 Fly and 3rd in 200 ball a number of times. By half- Cory Simmons, basketball - 16

After a slow start the second quar- Free); while Bruno Giroux (2nd in time, the Lady Isles had opened a points against Dawson

ter was much better for the Isles as 50 Breast and 3rd in 50 Free) and 33-25 lead and in the third quarter, Nicolas Gariepy, volleyball - 12

they went on a 15-0 run and went Emilio Colangelo (3rd in 100 Fy & the Lady Isles intensified its defense kills, 62 setter assists, 1 stuff block

into the half ahead 34 – 26. The 100 Back) also swam very strong. and outscored the Lions 36-10 in Sanjay Patel, basketball – 19

Isles opened the third quarter with Justin Mendonca finished 2nd in 50 the quarter, for a 69-35 lead. In the points in two games on the weekend.

a full court man-to-man and that Free, Mike Leites finished 4th in 100 fourth quarter, the Lions tried to





NBA all-star weekend 2011

ence roster in place

Henry Park of Yao Ming. The

Sports Editor two top candidates

were Kevin Love

On February 20, the 2011 Eastern and Monta Ellis.

and Western conference NBA All- Both players have

Stars will suit up and put on a show had phenomenal

in Los Angeles. All of the All-Star seasons and are

weekend festivities will take place both considered

at the Staples Center, home of Kobe centerpieces to

Bryant and the Lakers. Last year’s their team. Kevin

All-Star game was a huge success, Love has aver-

mainly because the events were held aged 21.4 points

at the spectacular Cowboys Stadium and an amazing

and featured special performances 15.5 rebounds,

from big-name artists including in addition, he

Usher. The Eastern and Western con- currently has an

ference rosters have all been selected ongoing double-

and for the most part the line-ups double streak of

are just as expected. The starting 34 games. Monta

line-up for the Western conference Ellis, on the other

All-Stars this year are: Kobe Bryant, hand, has proved

Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Carmelo to be a pure scor-

Anthony, and Yao Ming, who was ing machine, averaging 25.1 points the Western conference All-Stars. the main event of the East vs. West

replaced by a reserve due to an injury. and 5.6 assists per game. He’s also Kevin Love’s pure dominance in game, be sure to tune in to the other

The Eastern conference starting line- had 11 games in which he scored 30 collecting rebounds this season events, including the Celebrity Game,

up this year includes: LeBron James, or more points. Both players have seems to have been too much to Shooting Stars Challenge, Skills

Dwyane Wade, Derrick Rose, Dwight had breakout seasons and without turn down, especially since he was Challenge, three-point contest, and

Howard, and Amare Stoudemire. a doubt a spot on the All-Star team able to secure 31 rebounds in a the fan-favorite Slam-Dunk Contest.

Kobe Bryant led all players in votes is well-deserved for either of them. single game. Not only was this Overall, the 2011 NBA All-Star week-

this year, making it back-to-back However the NBA has decided a Minnesota Timberwolves fran- end is going to be full of great events

seasons he’s done so. There has that Love has a significant edge chise record, but it was the first time and everyone is expecting the NBA

been much debate on who should on Ellis, as he was the one who a player had over 30 points and 30 All-Stars to put on a great show in

be added to the Western confer- was recently selected to represent rebounds in 28 years. Apart from Los Angeles.



Bandersnatch Sports Wednesday February 9th, 2011 • 15

Trade deadline approaches, teams under scrutiny

sit comfortably in sixth. The only have not been producing as well as more high-value choices in the

Brandon Grasso question we face now is whether or last year, and may be chopped. draft.

Staff Writer not Eric Staal can rally his ‘Canes In Calgary, the situation is Finally, the Habs are the only

in time to surpass Atlanta, who unique; things are looking pretty other Canadian team with a secure

Welcome to the last quarter of currently rides the caboose of the unchanging, as many no-trade playoff spot at this point. Their big-

the NHL season. With little more playoff train. Looking over at the clauses tie players to the already- gest issue going into the post-season

than thirty games left for each team West, it’s nice to see that Vancouver, salary-capped team. They’re not far is on the blue line, with Markov

and the playoffs shimmering on the the one true Canadian superpower, from a playoff spot though, so look and Gorges on the injured reserve.

horizon, it comes time for teams to holds tightly to first, with the Red out for the Flames. It’s going to be tough to acquire a

evaluate their current situations in Wings and Stars trailing in second The Oilers’ situation is possibly good defenseman though, as play-

order to prepare for what is affec- and third. The Blackhawks, Kings the best. This second-to-last place ers like Max Pacioretty may become

tionately referred to as… The trade and Flames are all following close franchise is loaded with young expendable, a fact which will not sit

deadline. February 28 will be the last behind the Coyotes in their pursuit guns and carries two of the league’s well with the team.

day of this season that GMs are al- of the last spot for the post-season. most potential-

lowed to trade their players. Official Analysts have already begun ly dangerous

wheels have already started turning, projecting some movement for forward lines.

and players are being scrutinized the playoff-bound teams, but I’m Their position

carefully, as the incredible tightness going to focus on the Canadian in the standings

of the standings leaves no room for teams, considering the interesting means a high

error. Some big trades are expected. circumstances they are in. To begin draft-pick, and

To begin with, I’d like to examine with, the Canucks, who will be giv- their manage-

the two conferences. In the East, ing their hardest push for the Cup ment is appar-

Philadelphia holds position in the yet, are expected to go looking for ently not above

top spot, with the Penguins breath- some depth in their third and fourth disp osing of

ing down their backs and the Bolts forward lines, as names like Mason winger Dustin

and Bruins racing after. Our Habs Raymond and Mikael Samuelsson Penner for even









16 • Wednesday February 9th, 2011 Bandersnatch Sports