T h e N e w s p a p e r of I m p e r i a l College U n i o n
The 3-4% increase projected for
IC Union for 1983-4 now seems
unlikely. Instead it is probable
that Union employees' salaries
will be raised by 3'/ % while the
incoms for clubs and societies
will remain the same. Since the
Union will have to rethink the
priorities of various societies, it
seems likely that some will face a
The tradition of the Morphy Day
tow-path battle is to be discontin-
IN S H E R F I E L D
ued following complaints about
the state of the tow-path after last
term's fight. There were several reports of a
In D e c e m b e r , the R e c t o r , large gorilla wandering about in
Lord Flowers, received a letter the .Sherfield Building late on
of complaint from David Mellor, Wednesday evening. AH attempts
Conservative Member of Parlia- to trace it have been unsuccessful.
ment for Putney and Under- The g o r i l l a , d e s c r i b e d as
Secretary of State for Energy. about six feet tall, black and
The Rector (who is himself a hairy, was spotted roaming the
member of the standing comm- lower floors of the Sherfield
ittee on Energy and the Environ- Building at about 8:50pm. It
ment) summoned Union Presi- appeared quite harmless, and
dent S t e p h e n G o u l d e r , who even d o c i l e , u n t i l a h a s t i l y -
continued on page 3 summoned F E L I X photograph-
er arrived on the scene, where-
u p o n the g o r i l l a f l e d . T h e
photographer gave chase but
while he was trying to photo-
graph the gorilla it entered a lift
and travelled towards the top of
the building. The photographer,
hampered by his camera, failed
to catch it, and it vanished into
the maze of corridors in the
Security staff claimed to have
seen nothing, but told F E L I X
that it is well k n o w n that a
student i n L i n s t e a d owns a
gorilla costume, and sightings of
the beast were quite common
until two years ago.
The Sherfield gorilla could not
quite escape our photographer by
dashing into a lift.
F r i d a y , J a n u a r y 21,19831 I Free!
• H o n d a m o p e d 5 0 c c V reg. F o r sale
p r i c e negotiable. C o n t a c t T H a l i m
D O C Rm347 Huxley building M S c The Horns of
Small Ads letter rack.
• C a l l i n g all G o players. Please
c o n t a c t L H o l l a n d via P h y s i c s 1 letter
• LearnersI C o m m u t e r s ! Y o u n e e d my
• A c c o m m o d a t i o n : F e m a l e to share S u z u k i A 1 0 0 (V reg). F o r o n l y £210
d o u b l e r o o m in l u x u r y h o u s e in this m a r v e l l o u s m a c h i n e (includin g
V i c t o r i a . C H & all m o d c o n s . £108pcm rack, m a n u a l s a n d s o m e spares) c a n
& all bills. R i n g 821 9853 or Int 4125. be y o u r s . C o n t a c t R S h a m m a s , E l e c
E n g II.
• P h y s i c s W a n d e r e r s 3—The Druids
• D e b S o c o p e n c o m m i t t e e meeting o n
( P h y s 1) 6. S o what if we had two more
M o n 24th J a n at 12:45 in the U p p e r
players than they did? A n y team Lounge. All members welcome.
interested in a m a t c h , contact L e e
• P e n t a x K 1 0 0 0 m a n u a l S L R for sale.
E v a n s ( P h y s 1). Mint c o n d i t i o n inc. c a s e a n d U V filter
• B u d d i n g artist w a n t e d to d e s i g n £60 A p p l y D A n t h o n y 111 F - K H a l l .
S q u a s h C l u b sweatshirt. C o n t a c t D a v e
• Will e v e r y o n e , FELIX I n c l u d e d , w h o
M o l e s w o r t h , R S M U office or 731-6301.
h a s o n e ot the E n t s film c a t a l o g u e s
• L o s t : m i k e s t a n d from the U n i o n p l e a s e return It to the U n i o n office as
C o n c e r t H a l l e n d of last term. If f o u n d s o o n as p o s s i b l e . T h a n k s , G e r a r d .
c o n t a c t R B r a n d o n P h y s 2.
• S q u a s h r a c k e t s : C l a s s i c 003 £12 ea.
• F o r s a l e : S i n g l e pine bed: excellent A l s o s e l e c t i o n of A m e r i c a n - m a d e
c o n d i t i o n . £35 o n o . C o n t a c t Peter Manta rackets. See Sports Centre
M o t t i s h a w , P h y s i c s P G internal 2984 S q u a s h C l u b n o t i c e b o a r d for details
or 2 4 C K i n g s m i l l H o u s e , S u t t o n o r ring D a v e 731-6301 for details.
• F r e e s u m m e r h o l i d a y s in the U . S . A .
• F o o t b a l l : - A s l e e p i n g giant has F i n d out more in the J C R this Friday
w o k e n . C i v E n g II are ready for battle. l u n c h t i m e . L o o k for the stars a n d
D o e s a n y o n e d a r e t a k e us o n ? stripes.
C o n t a c t C. M a n n a l l C i v E n g II.
• F o r d E s c o r t 1100 L reg, requires
• A . M . P : What's it like to work for s o m e m a i n t e n a n c e , M O T till middle of
living? Will L a d b r o k e s ever r e c o v e r ? F e b , £100 o n o . C o n t a c t Mark T a y l o r
• L i z y o u r lips are electric... D O C II.
• A r c h e r y ? A n y o n e interested please • " I m p o s s i b l e P r o d u c t i o n s " as part of
c o n t a c t N i g e l A t k i n s o n , C h e m E n g 1. S C A B night, present "37 P l a y s in 37
• S F S o c : Y o u have f l u s h e d me out. M i n u t e s . " T h e c o m p l e t e w o r k s of T h e
P u b l i s h the l o c a t i o n of the editorial Bill S h a k e s p e a r e live onstage. G u a r -
p i g e o n - h o l e a n d I may o b l i g e . C o s s a r .
• C a u g h t s h o r t ? D u e to p o p u l a r
d e m a n d , the Welfare Officer now
anteed parts (almost) to any p e r s o n —
o r d o g — w h o turns up o n M o n d a y 24th
J a n at 7.15pm in C o n c e r t Hall. N o
k e e p s s t o c k s of w o m e n a n d c a n be p r e v i o u s e x p e r i e n c e required.
w o k e n if n e c e s s a r y on Int 2292. • T e n n i s C l u b : S e c o n d T e a m Trial will
• S k i C l u b l D r y s l o p e s k i i n g at be held from 1.00pm on W e d n e s d a y
Hillingdo n every Thursday. Meet 26th J a n — L i n s t e a d c o u r t s .
opposite Old Chemistry building
7.00pm. A p p r o x cost £2-50.
• S k i i n g in S c o t l a n d . T h e S k i C l u b will
• W o u l d y o u like s o m e m o n e y next
y e a r ? Will all S C C societies please
note the details of our meetings in the
be o r g a n i s i n g a w e e k e n d ski trip to
A v i e m o r e . W h y not have a 'crack' at
s n o w s k i i n g ? M e e t i n g next T h u r s d a y
W h a t ' s O n c o l u m n . G r a n t c l a i m s for
next y e a r m u s t be in by next T h u r s d a y
a gift from the taxman
6.00pm a b o v e S o u t h s i d e bar. • R C S A n n u a l Dinner . T i c k e t s , o n l y
• B o w T i e w i s h e s it to be k n o w n that £11.50, are available from s o c reps or If your parents contribute to Points to note
he is not r e s p o n s i b l e for the series t h e U n i o n O f f i c e . R e m e m b e r not y o u r g r a n t , y o u can use a 1. To benefit from a covenant
" H o r n s of U n c e r t a i n t y " . e v e r y b o d y c a n g o to S i l w o o d , here's you must be over 18 or married.
just as g o o d an alternative.
covenant as a painless way of
• S i n g l e r o o m in Hat. A v a i l a b l e
i m m e d i a t e l y . Rent £24pw. L o c a t i o n nr. • C a l l i n g Hewlett Packard prog- increasing the money that they 2. Your parents must be paying
W e s t K e n s i n g t o n tube. 10 mins from r a m m a b l e c a l c u l a t o r users. F o l l o w i n g give you by 43%. tax and you not paying tax.
College. Please contact A Milner a s u c e s s f u l get-together last term we
are meeting a g a i n in P h y s i c s 630 on Covenants were developed as 3. The amount covenanted — ie
C h e m E n g III or A Fraser P h y s i c s III.
Sat. 29 J a n u a r y at 2pm. E x c h a n g e a means of aiding tax-exempt what you get from your parents
p r o g r a m s , p l a y S t a r T r e k , get a plus what you get from the
•Renetly d i s c o u n t on y o u next p u r c h a s e .
people of which impecunious
Ladles' & Gentlemen's Hairdressers S t u d e n t s a n d staff w e l c o m e . students are the prime example. taxman — counts as your earned
D i s c o u n t lor students and stall! • Welfare O l f i c e r regrets the t e m p - The idea of a deed of covenant income. This means that if the
C u t : first visit £3, s e c o n d visit a n d after orary s h o r t a g e of s u p p l i e s . I don't
£2.50; s h a m p o o , cut a n d blow dry: first in this context is quite simply money you receive under the
k n o w what F r a n k R o w s e l l c a n be
visit £4.20, s e c o n d visit a n d after £3.85. d o i n g with t h e m all... that our parents c o m m i t to covenant plus any other income
E q u a l l y attractive r e d u c t i o n s l o r lady • Attention Holbein F C Hope you can you have during the year such as
students . writing an undertaking to pay a
c o u n t to over ten. S e e y o u in F e b . vacation earnings exceeds your
Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm Love, S H F C . certain sum of money each year
Sat 9am to 12noon Personal Tax Allowance (£1565
R e n e t l y , 154a C r o m w e l l R d , S W 7 • T o S H F C : I think we'll s c o r e more for a period capable of exceeding
than ten against y o u . H o l b e i n rule all six years. This does not commit for single people) then you will
H o u s e s (not like P W ) .
(Next to B r i t i s h A i r w a y s B u i l d i n g ) your parents to actually paying have to start paying tax on the
A p p o i n t m e n t s not a l w a y s n e c e s s a r y . • P h y s i c s W a n d e r e r s 3, P h y s i c s (I)
J u n i o r s 6. We a l l o w e d the y o u t h team you for six years, it is merely a excess. This position has been
a m o r a l e - b o o s t i n g victory. P H Y S I C S legal requirement of covenants further complicated this year by
• A n d y : Don't use them all at o n c e . If that they must be capable of the taxing of some social security
• Rat. Y o u ' r e a mighty purple hero!.
in d o u b t c o n s u l t a c o p y of ...But Were exceeding six years. After each benefits so it is wise to do your
Afraid to Ask. • A l a n : H a s the k a n g a r o o d i s p l a c e d
y o u affections? G r e e n Furry F r o g . payment you get a form from the sums first. The Student Services
tax office, fill it in and return it Office can help you with this.
r Guest Ale
to your tax office and they wil
then refund you the basic rate
tax that y o u r parents have
4. Covenants can be drawn up at
any time of the year and at any
point in the student's course, but
already paid on the moneyu that for maximum benefit the earlier
WEBSTER'S REAL ALE you receive under the covenant.
D o not be put off if it sounds
5. The covenant can be cancelled
complicated and legalistic — we by mutual consent at any time.
have a simple deed of covenant Want to know more?
60p JCR Bar you can copy out and once
signed covenants are very simple
Call into the Student Services
Office, 15 Princes Gardens, any
time between 9.30am and 6pm
from Monday to administer as the hundreds of
s t u d e n t s w h o have a l r e a d y
benefited from them can vouch.
and we can give you a fact-sheet
with all the details you need to
• J a n u a r y 21, 19631
Continued from front page
agreed that 'throwing shit does
Sovereign New Girl in Student Services
not impress MPs'. Mr Goulder Switchboard
then wrote to the Constituent
College Unions informing them The telephone switchboard at the
that in his opinion the battle Sovereign Hotel has been reconn-
should be discontinued. 'Gone ected and students can now
are the days when students could receive incoming calls in their
indulge in organised vandalism', rooms.
he told FELIX. Mr Goulder has ' The Sovereign is the smaller of
never taken part in the battle. the College's two new head
For the last eight years, teams tenancies, and its forty eight
from the CCUs have fought for students, mostly postgraduates,
possession of the Morphy Oar have been unable to receive
by flinging revolting substances incoming calls until now. It has
at each other, to the displeasure taken three months and the
of the local residents of Putney, combined efforts of Lillian
who would find the remaining Harrison, the student manager
mess on the tow-path the of the hotel, and Michael
following morning, This year the Arthur, the Student Services The Student Services Office now working in a school.' Since
RCSU fire-engine, Jez, was used Officer, to have the system has a full-time Welfare Advisor, finishing this course she has been
to hose down the tow-path after restored. a post which has been vacant unemployed for seven months.
the battle, but the cleaning was The switchboard was original- since Sue Telling left in June of She was described as 'efficient
not as thorough as had been ly disconnected early last term last year. She is Karen Stott, and and hard-working—not at all
hoped. by the warden, Andy Walker, she will be available in the suitable for the job' by Gary
Another factor influencing Mr and the hotel's proprietors, who Student Services Office to deal Turner, another Student Serv-
Goulder's decision is the ex- will pay the hundred pound with students' pro'blems on ices employee. (Gary was later
pense to the Union; the event is reconnection fee. private sector accommodation, described as the 'resident office
funded by ICU Rag, and not by The hotel now has four lines grants, social security, and other slob' by Student Services Officer
the CCUs. Last term £44 was which wil be operated by the related matters. Karen has Michael Arthur.) Karen's first
spent on dustbin lids to be used residents between 6:00 and previously had experience of this impression of the Student
as shields and £300 of damage 10:00pm every evening. The new type of work when she was Services office was that it
was caused to one of the Union numbers are 01-370 6244/5 and saobatical Education and Wel- provides a good service to IC
vans. In addition, the oar was 01-370 6255/6. fare Officer at the University of students, comparing favourably
broken and most of it has since Wales at Bangor, where she took with similar services at Bangor,
been stolen. a degree in history. Of Imperial College she thought
The decision to ban the tow- Since leaving there she has it was 'strange', citing the
path battle will not affect the completed a one year teacher male/female ratio and the fact
rowing which also takes place on
Welfare Officer training course at Ormskirk, but that the College does not play as
Morphy Day. Plans to move the
event to Harlington sports
Posts a Brick decided early on that she didn't
want to become a teacher
much of a central role in the
social lives of IC students as
ground are unlikely to go ahead because she 'couldn't stand might be expected.
as there is no river there!
Pimlico Connects roach to learning.
The recognition was formally
NUS Survey of Award noted at a presentation cere-
meny on December 7 at which
IC Students The Pimlico Connection Society Lord Seebohm presented a
and the Communication of certificate to Dr Sinclair Good-
Imperial College has been Scientific Ideas Course have lad and four officers of the
chosen as one of sixty institutes received joint recognition from Pimlico Connection. After the
of higher education to partici- the 'Education for Capability' presentation they outlined their
pate in a survey of students' movement of the Royal Society work and the Department of
living standards in Britain. The for the Arts. Their joint course is Humanities' Communication of
National Union of Students has now one of the few schemes in Scientific Ideas course to an
commissioned the survey from the country to have the approval audience of over two hundred
the Survey Research Unit at the of the RSA in that it represents a from the press, education,
Polytechnic of North London as practical and innovative app- industry, and commerce.
part of a review of the present
system of grants. The results will
probably influence the NUS's
response to the government's
projected student loan scheme. A group of "financial planners"
Although Imperial College has have again been entering the
not been affiliated to the NUS halls of residence. They offer
for five years, the Union has dubious financial services' and
agreed to assist in the survey have in the past caused consider-
which coincides with one curr- able nuisance, resulting in their
ently being organised by the ejection from the buildings.
College's External Affairs Welfare Officer Jon Barnett here
Committee. Some seventy-five demonstrates one of the more
effective methods of discouraging
NUS questionnaires and ISO of
their return - mail then a brick!
the College's own will be sent to
(using their 'reply paid' post-
randomly selected students. From left: Gian Carlo, Tony Potter, John Hughes, Jonathan Wheeler.
card, of course)
FELIXI J a n u a r y 2 1 , 1 9 8 3 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • M i Page 3
S t u d e n t s ' U n i o n (the R o y a l Dear Martin, Imperial. However I do feel that
School of Mines Union). This the o d d £ 1 0 0 0 here or there
t o o k place i n the I m p e r i a lC C U a c t i v i t i e s have a l w a y s (which we may never get to hear
College Union building. Mem- pandered to the whims of the about) is too high a price to pay.
bers of the reputedly learned m o r e i n f a n t i l e s t u d e n t s at Surely it must be possible for the
institute watched and laughed at College, but are generally looked C C U s to get together and agree
various films of the sexual act on as fun and fairly harmless. some sort of 'code of conduct'
Yet now, surely, the time has
i n c l u d i n g sex w i t h a n i m a l s , (or s i m i l a r ) to prevent the
sadism, and a man dressed as a come to look again—in recent p o s s i b i l i t y of such wanton
priest. A l s o two strippers years the good fun has at times destruction in the future.
performed lesbian acts on stage. given way to violence. The most Yours sincerely,
recent manifestation of this cost
A f t e r w a r d s a few s t u d e n t s Nick Pyne
exposed themselves. about £1000 in money that could Dear Sir
Some people will say it is all have been used for other student I, for one, was delighted to
good, harmless fun. T o see or activities. hear of Barney McCabe's pur-
derive pleasure from the degrad- I refer to Morphy Day, when chase of that infamous baby
ation of other people is seen to it is 'traditional' to sling shit at grand piano from Harrods. But,
be a good laugh. Women are people from other C C U s and to alas, I have only ever played it
Dear Sir, portrayed as sexual organs to be attempt to gain possession of the twice when the thing has been in
I am for the rights of the used and abused. They are seen Morphy Oar. This year Guilds full working order. Firstly, the
individual. This means that I will merely as physical entities from hired one of the Union transit pedals came off after having
try to defend them, as I believe it which to gain pleasure. Their vans to use as their getaway been on for only a month or two.
is the right and responsibility of humanity is i g n o r e d , h u m a nvehicle should they manage to This made playing somewhat
all of us to do so. ethics can be forgotten, moral capture the oar. A l l went well difficult without any sustain, but
We can never isolate ourselves laws need not be applied. A until the oar was near said van, as this was the only piano in
from the rest of society; our general attitude that in its purest at w h i c h stage a number of College on which all the keys
rights are all interdependent and form will lead to rape and crimes students climbed on top of the functioned, I had no choice but
linked. It is with extreme short- of sexual violence. A n attitude van (estimates run as high as 30!) to perservere. So, I was some-
sightedness that people say 'Sod that undermines all the rights of and there was something of a what d i s m a y e d to f i n d , o n
the rest, I don't care about their the individual female as she is fracas around the back doors. attempting to play the piano in
The result was one rear door question at the beginning of this
rights'. We must remember that not seen as an individual. This
term that almost all the keys
rights are our own creation; they affects a l l women. Indeed it hinge fractured, another bent, a
were stuck. I was informed that
require general acceptance and affects all individuals. F o r how rear door dented beyond repair,
the cleaners had been allowed to
protection by society in order to can you expect to be treated as and both light clusters smashed.
clean the piano with water, thus
exist. and respected as a human being These repairs and the straighten-
causing the wood to expand and
The greatest threat to o u r if you do not do so to others? ing of the other back door were
the keys to stick. Is this any way
'freedoms' comes from the lack How can you expect your rights undertaken at an estimated cost
to look after a £2000 piano? It
of respect to the individual as a to be acknowledged and defend- of £300. Certain other repairs
seems a bit of a waste of Union
result of degrading him/her into ed if you do not do so to others? were not done—the straightening money. Yours
m i n d l e s s c o m p o n e n t s o f an How can you expect to live i n a of dents in the roof and the Guy Riddihough
entity or label. We can so easily just and 'free' society when your replacement of the bonnet (both Biochem 2
group together individuals under actions lead to injustice and the o f w h i c h w o u l d have been
a simple label, and talk of the required to return the van to its
e r o s i o n or s u p p r e s s i o n of Dear Sir
label as i f it c o u l d have an 'freedoms'? previous state) were not worth it. On a number of occasions this
opinion, a character, a personal- I am by no means a saint; I The p r o b l e m s , however, year I have walked into the
ity. In doing so the members of am as m u c h a p a r t o f the didn't stop there. The van was Union Bar and found the bar
the group become a homogeneity; problem as those who watched due to be sold (it was suggested staff easily outnumbering the
the fact that they act and think the film. But we must begin to Silwood Park) to allow I C U customers. The fact is students
as individuals is ignored. Yet our somewhere; we must try, and try T r a n s p o r t to b u y t w o new at IC can no l o n g c afford to
very humanity is about this with hope in our hearts. We Transit vans, and it was hoped drink enough to forget the lack
beautiful individuality. Each of must not be disillusioned with to r a i s e £ 1 0 0 0 by the sale of women. It seems to me that
our minds is a fantastic library the enormity or so-called im- (although a more realistic this underhand policy of the
of experiences, pictures, inform- practicality of the task, for in the estimate was £750). The van is C o l l e g e h i e r a r c h y to k e e p
a t i o n a n d h i s t o r y ; we c a n end if we do not hope and try if now practically worthless (estim- students sober can only lead to
understand, argue, believe, love, we distance ourselves and forget ated value of £300). Suggestions frustration and the unsuspecting
and hate. This is our humanity. that Guilds might buy the van student will be driven to pur-
our responsibilities, the future
for £700 or that it should be sold s u i n g his a c a d e m i c w o r k to
Once you forget the individual for us and our families will be
further the name of IC and at the
then y o u forget the h u m a n very bleak. have the same effect—a further
detriment of social life within the
being. Y o u will not be violating I ask you as individuals to do net loss of income of between
C o l l e g e . H o w l o n g can this
the rights of human beings; you y o u r utmost to brighten our £450-£700 distributed among the
policy go on? W i l l the I C student
w i l l not be k i l l i n g , r a p i n g , future, to defend ourselves, and various students' unions.
stay b l i n d to the oppressive
torturing, robbing, or sentencing our children. Let our voices and F u r t h e r m o r e , a van h i r e d
dictator? Join the protest against
to death human beings. N o , we moral actions be the sword of from Swan National by R S M U
academic excellence. Be in the
merely become labels, we be- justice and righteousness. also suffered damage to rear Union Bar 7 nights a week 6pm
come a creature created by the d o o r s a n d hinges w h i c h , i f
Yours sincerely, to 11pm. Drink until you puke
mind, part of a nightmare of Michael Paul Newman nothing else, cost a great deal of and then drink again. If the
mass graves, of tattooed arms, good will with a company
Life Sciences 1 Union is full drink in Harry's.
gas chambers and statistics. So regularly used by R C C and A C C Take no chances, carry a bottle
many people argue about the copies of this letter have been sent clubs for transport. of whisky in case you wind up
'real world' in terms, not of to: I do not wish to suggest that sober at midnight and if your
human beings, but labels. Margaret Thatcher these ' t r a d i t i o n a l ' a c t i v i t i e s bank manager complains, hit
At Imperial College of Science Michael Foot should be stopped—I feel that him on the head with the empty
and T e c h n o l o g y on Tuesday Mary Whitehouse for most p a r t i c i p a n t s these bottle. Yours faithfully
December 14, a large group of Lord Flowers events are great fun and certain-
students took part in an event The Observer ly provide a welcome change Chris Boyd
o r g a n i s e d by a C o n s t i t u e n t The Grauniad from the pressure of work at Physics 3
Page 41 J a n u a r y 21,1983 FELIX
More Southside Gripes students have s h o w n some
This week the windows are due interest in the jobs of What's O n
to be cleaned in Southside, and
Coordinator and Staff Photo-
notes have been posted around grapher, advertised last week,
the place asking the residents to the posts have not been finally
clear the window seats and to allocated yet, Anyone interested
lock all their personal possess- in any of the three jobs should
ions in their wardrobes. Leaving
see me in the F E L I X Office as
aside the fact that most people
soon as possible.
have already filled their ward- rooms unlocked, it's a bit daft to
robes with clothes, couldn't the of liaison between the C C U s . Impossible Without
actually advertise that they will F o r those of you on the horns of E v e r y o n e w h o has w o r k e d
m a s s i v e i n c o n v e n i e n c e have
be left open by posting a note up a dilemma over which to attend, especially hard in the absence of
been avoided by cleaning the
in all the halls. D o you imagine I could offer some advice, but in M a z F e l l o w s , the t y p e s e t t e r
windows two weeks ago, during
it was coincidence that it was fairness t o R C S I suppose I operator, who has flu. Thanks i n
the vacation, when there were
this week that an undesirable ought not to. p a r t i c u l a r to H u g h Sout he y,
very few people in residence?
character was caught visiting Advertising Manager M a r k Smith, Ramzi Shammas,
S t i l l , students' convenience
every room in Southside? Nick Thexton feels that he can Paul Simion, Martin Taylor,
doesn't count for much these
days. Clash of Events no longer continue as F E L I X A d r i a n James, Petra Barry,
R C S secretary Chas Fuller has Advertising Manager because of Peter Hobbis, Nick Pyne, Jon
Nevertheless, there is an even excelled even himself in arrang- pressure o f w o r k . T h i s j o b Barnett, M a r k S m i t h , D i a n e
more incredible aspect o f the ing the R C S annual dinner on involves writing to large com- Love, Chris Mallaband, T i m
window cleaning: it was stated the same day as Guilds' Dinner panies, visiting local shops and Noyce, Walkabout-Looksee,
on the circular that rooms would and Dance. Considering these restaurants, and u s i n g any Pinocchio, Richard Archer, Lee
occasionally be left unlocked. are two of the most important Paddon, Nick Bedding, and Pete
method possible to get p a i d
After all the ballyhoo about how social events in the calendar, one the Print.
adverts for F E L I X .
important it is never to leave might have expected some sort Also, although a couple of Martin S Taylor
IIIIIIIIl i i iiiii i i i i i i i i i i i i i ii i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i
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I ' M G L A D T O see the silly
season is well under way, with A FAIRLY STANDARD
Union officers posting bricks, project for graphic designers is
w i l d a n i m a l s r o a m i n g the to p r o d u c e a s y m b o l f o r a
corridors of power, and so on, lavatory door which will indicate
they w i l l w r i t e t o t h i s g i r l
and so forth. Even arch-loony to p e r s o n s s p e a k i n g m a n y
inviting her to lecture on 'The
Nick Gardner has been doing his
Humorous Aspects of Combine languages a n d none that the
bit. F o r those of you who aren't
Harvesting'. room is for gentlemen only. New
acquainted with this extraordin-
signs have recently been fitted to
ary character, he is a middle-
the lavatories i n C h e m E n g ,
aged, fairly well-dressed gentle-
IT W A S I N the Christmas issue which not only convey this fact,
man who used to hang around
of F E L I X that the following but also portray with startling
the U n i o n bar ( u n t i l he was
small ad appeared: directness just what the gentle-
banned by Stephen Goulder)
a n d o n occasion a r o u n d the men are supposed to use the
more 'sensitive' areas oi College room for. One can only wonder
(until he was banned by John what the sign on the ladies' loo is
trance, 2:30pm, Wednesdays, o r
Smith). 8 : 0 0 p m r o u n d m y p l a c e . K e v the S e c . like!
• E T — W h y b o t h e r to see the film w h e n
A s i f this u n i q u e d o u b l e y o u c a n c o m e to the lect ures !
• A l a n Pearaokn, O A P , S O A X ; Merry
wasn't enough to establish his C h r i s t m a s from j o e , R o g e r a n d L u k e .
credentials as a bit of a nutcase,
he went on to fall hopelessly in
love with the nearest woman to
h a n d , wh o h a p p e n e d t o be
Since then, students of no less
C a r o l i n e G o d i n , last y e a r ' s
than five different disciplines
F E L I X business manager. Nick
have assured me that it must
took great pride in presenting his
have referred to Professor So-
inamorata with a wide assort-
and-so of their department, who
ment of surprise presents: not
l o o k s exactly l i k e E T . I ' m
flowers, or chocolates, or
intrigued by this: is I C really
anything so utterly convention-
crawling with dozens of replicas
al, but an ashtray, ~ j . ; i r o f
of the wrinkled little alien, all of
secateurs, and an ironing board
them masquerading as doddery
cover. A l l useful and generous
professors? S h o u l d Steven
gifts, to be sure, but not quite the
Spielberg make E T 2 at Imperial,
accepted route to a girl's heart.
thereby saving his special effects
Anyway, all this happened last team m i l l i o n s o f dollars? I ' l l
year, and Nick has been absent offer a Jingles haircut voucher to
from I C for a while. Last week, anyone who sends information
though, he put in a reappearance (preferably a photograph) of any
to see some old friends i n the member o f I C staff who bears
H G Wells Society. He has reasonable resemblance to the
a c q u i r ed a new g i r l f r i e n d i n film star, and I'll print the best in
C z e c h o s l o v a k i a , a n d he has a few weeks' time.
asked the officers of Wellsoc if
FELIXI I J a n u a r y 21, 19831 I Page5
ICLUBS & SOCIETIES!
New B o o k s
Portable Shakespeare—Peguin £3.50
Bookshop i | Five Day Course in Thinking—Edward de Deb Soc
From January 31, it will be compulsory to wear Bono—Pelican £2.50
seat belts, for. those of you with a nervous Ciw'/i'sarion—Kenneth Clark—Pelican £1.95
disposition, we now have in stock "The Ruck Asimov's Guide to Science—Pelican £2.95 We meet every Wednesday lunchtime in the
Zuck Seat Belt Cutter", price £2.50. This is Adventures with Your Pocket Calculator— U n i o n Upper Lounge where we indulge
supplied with a pouch which can be fixed Rade and Kaufman—Pelican 1.25 in. ..er...well debating (plus frequent free sherry
behind the sun visor. Way of Zen—Alan Watts—Pelican £1.75 as an added inducement to join). Debates are
When people pay by cheque, we ask for the Zen Flesh Zen Bones—Paul Reps—Pelican usually fairly informal and sometimes even
cheque card number to ensure that in case of £1.95 F U N . Any member can propose a motion, so
difficulty, we do get our money. We ask for the International Thesaurus of Quotations- long as he or she can find 2 people to speak for
Department and year so that if the cheque is Penguin £5.95 it and 2 against, so if you have any views you
made out incorrectly, we can either phone or Crown Jewel—Ralph de Boissiere—Picador want to air, this is the place to do it. Or maybe
use the internal mail to contact them, thereby £2.75 you just like listening other people doing it and
saving a lot of unnecessary hassle. So, please Visitants—Ralph Stow—Picador £1.95 asking them embarrassing questions after-
cooperate. Exotic Pleasures—Peter Carey—Picador wards. Whatever your preferences Debsoc is
£1.95 the society for you.
Innocent Erendira—Gabriel Garcia Marquez Now that you've heard (OK read) the word,
—Picador £1.95 why not come to a meeting and see it in use?
Unreliable Memoirs—Clive James—Picador Or contact Jonathan Smith, Physics 2 via
M O P S O C £1.95
Tokyo-Montana Express—Richard Brau-
letter racks or our Venerable Holder of the
Word (no less), Debsoc Chairman Chris Day
M O P S O C has joined the Royal Institution of tigan—Picador £2.50 via chemistry letter racks.
Great Britain. This gives Mopsoc members a Crying of Lot 49-Thomas Pynchon-Picador Meanwhile, Spread The Word.
unique chance of experiencing the atmosphere £1.75
of the Christmas Lectures venue. Tickets are The Hard Life—Flann O'Brien—Picador £1.50
available from Jon Frost, Physics 3 for the The Price was High—F. Scott Fitzgerald-
coming Friday evening discourses, which are Picador £2.95
held at 9pm at A l b e r m a r l e S t r e e t , off Door Marked Summer—Michael Bentine—
Piccadilly. Granada £1.95 Soc Soc
L u n c h t i m e lectures this term include Captains & the Kings—Jennifer Johnston
Catastrophe Theory from Professor Chris —Fontana £1.50
Zeeman and the Fundemental Constants of March to the Monteria—B. Traven—Allison & I see a spectrum of ideas in socialism today.
Physics by Dr Paul Dean, Director of the Busby £2.95 There are many 'colours' of socialism
National Physical Laboratory. The Poorhouse Fair—John Updike—Penguin Supporters of Soc Soc may be one of these
There will be a visit behind the scenes at the £1.75 colours or a combination of many. But
Barbican Centre on 26 Jan and to a local Dianetics—Ron Hubbard—New Era Publicat- whatever colour of socialist you are, you are
telephone exchange on 9 Feb. Membership is ions £2.95 always welcome to join us. In Soc Soc we try to
50p for the rest of the year. encompass the whole range of socialism.
Some Experiences & Further Experiences of
an Irish RM— Somerville & Ross—Dent £2.50 For example on Tuesday we have a speaker
Modern Astronomy—Robbins and Hemenway from the British Association for Responsibility
—Texas Press £13.10 in Science to talk on the title "IQ, Eugenics and
Craft of Macrame—Helene Bress—SCIBNER Racism". This is not aimed at any particular
£4.50 group but open to all. See you there!
Just a couple of dates for your diary this week;
there's a Finance Gen Comm on Monday Jan
24, to which all club treasurers must come if
they want to be in with a chance of any funds S T O I C
Then, of course, there's Mines Review, in
true Mines tradition, next Friday, 28 Jan. £33—aL^ Greetings book lovers everywhere! No, don't
Music, films etc. turn the page in disgust thinking this is one of
On the Rag front, there will be a Rag Mag Yes, I know it's a bit late, but Happy New Year those long, tedious and ever so cliquey
trip to Newcastle, crash pad provided by the in any case. The big event of this term is the "Bookshop News" articles. Far be it from
Students' Union for Saturday night, sign list Annual Dinner on Feb 4—tickets are available STOIC to waste whole third of the clubs and
outside G.20 where you'll find details. from social reps and the Union Office. It is societies page by listing the titles of the
being held at the International Hotel, Cromwell recommended texts for the second year
Road so there will be decent food. On the applied and theoretical quantum dysenter-
subject of (non) decent food, refunds (about iorology course option (by the way there are
£1) will be available on Monday and Tuesday fourty eight copies of last year's text book in
lunchtime at the office for everybody who went stock at present, but if your table is really
wobbly then more can be ordered if you see
to the Physics Freshers' Dinner. If you can
A big " H i " to everybody out there. The fancy the one with the medallion after work). Mr
possibly take your dinner ticket along with you
d r e s s d i s c o was a great s u c c e s s last Hicks asked us to tell the anonymous librarian
Friday—thank you to all those of you that to claim your refund it will speed up the
that she had better re-issue the second edition
turned out. administration. before the cleaner discovers the mop is
Last Saturday "Hit Squad" went out on the This term heralds Rag Week. RCS will again broken!!
streets and collected £35 for rag. Given a few be running 'a million plus one' down darts on
the first weekend (18-20 Feb) so if you want Following the return of the questionairre
more collectors this could have been a much
to play, see Ian Thomas, Physics 1. More we issued with the FELIX of two weeks ago, •
l a r g e r figure, but e v e r y b o d y enjoyed
importantly sponsors are needed—all you we handed over the answers to the Computer
need to do is guess how many darts will be Centre and 360 c.p.u. seconds later they came
Coming events are: up with a sure-fire way to increase our already
1. Guilds Rugby Sevens on Saturday—meet thrown by the winning team; entry fee lOp,
prize 10% of the takings. Also in Rag Week the considerable audience:infimic/cm'on.
9.15 am at Beit Arch.
S m o k i n g C o n c e r t , our illustrious Ents So watch STOIC or we send the boys
2. G u i l d s M o t o r C l u b Autotest also on
Chairman Eric needs sketches, so if you've round. Our detector vans will be in your area
Sunday—starts 9.00am in the H zone car park.
always wanted to be on the stage see him. soon, on the lookout for the tell tale pallid
3. Ice skating next Tuesday—meet 6.30pm in complexion, warts, bloodshot eyes and blank
the Union Bar/Beit Quad. Hope to see you all at Harlington on Sunday
for the Soccer 6's (who knows, even I may be expression that prove you are not watching
Hope to see you at these. Meanwhile watch enough STOIC. Or maybe it just proves you're
out for our over zealous police force. Esp- playing!) if not there's a barnight in the Union
Bar afterwards. at IC. Over to you Roy.
ecially if you are in a mini!
Cheers,Mark Harris Fiona
Page 61 I J a n u a r y 21,19831 I FELIX
The Dinner for Two Club is an interesting and
unusual concept in eating out—particularly for
the real restaurant addict.
The idea is that you buy a membership card
from the Club which lasts for a year and
entitles you to two free meals in each of sixty
restaurants, or, in other words, you can get
120 free meals for £28.75 (the cost of the card).
The snag is that you need to go with at least
one other person who pays for their own meal,
in full. Also you have to pay for drinks, any
cover charge and service charge.
In effect it means a significant reduction in One might wonder what the restauranteurs Nevertheless you can .expect to get away
the bill although since you only get one free get out of this. Apparently they feel that it is with a bill for around £16—£20 for two — with
meal irrespective of the size of your party worth it to get new customers and hope that it wine — in most of the restaurants listed.
maximum benefits are achieved by eating out will bring further recommendations. Since it would be virtually impossible to eat
as a twosome. out 120 times in one year the large number of
As with most things there are a number of
The main advantage of having the card is disadvantages; some of the s u b s c r i b i n g restaurants is more useful in terms of choice
that you can then afford to eat in places which restaurants drop out of tht scheme and the than in working out how much money you can
you might not even think of trying. Club does not have a very efficient system for make with the card. However, you only need
With your card you get a directory in wallet notifying members. This means that you could to use the card three or four times to recover
sized folder containing brief details of the sixty go to a restaurant, eat a mammoth meal, the £28.50 that it costs.
restaurants and giving an average cost for two hand over your card and be met with blank Unless you are fairly keen on eating out, the
with the card, exclusive of wine. looks and a demand for the full whack or Dinner for Two Club is not really a sensible
These costs vary from £12 for two (ie £6 for services in the washing up department. This investement. If, on the other hand, it is
two with the card) for a Turkish restaurant in can be overcome by checking when you book something that you do regularly, then it is well
Mayfair to around £30 for two in some of the or asking 'when you first go in. worth considering.
more expensive ones. On average, the figure is Further details can be obtained from:
a r o u n d £ 2 0 . J u s t about every k i n d of Another point to remember is that drinks Dinner for Two Club,
restaurant imaginable is represented and tend to be expensive in good restaurants and 24 Curzon Street,
almost all are situated within a couple of miles that cover charges and high service charges London W1X 7AE.
of College. are the general rule. Tel: 449 7722
fuE/rs Co B c ^ T J
J a n u a r y 21,19831 IPage7
Eating Raoui(18) directed by Paul Bartel,
now showing at The Gate Notting Hill and
The Classic Oxford Street.
Spanning the yawning gap between tasteless
farce and pointed satire, Eating Raoul is a
difficult film to categorize.
Bartel (a Corman stable director whose
surprise hit was Death Race 2000) stars as
Paul Bland, an extremely prissy middle aged
man who, along with his equally reserved wife
Mary, dreams of opening his own high class
restaurant. The problem is that they need to
'raise money quickly to escape from torment in
an apartment block infested with partying
'swingers' whose morals they detest. After
being ripped off and abused they hit upon a
novel scheme to make easy money; by luring
swingers to their room with a tempting ad in
the local perv's column and then bashing them
ever so neatly with Paul's frying pan, they
discover that they can unload their fat wallets.
This, of course, gives Bartel the excuse to
include some hilarious bedroom scenes with
various weirdos acting out their bizarre
Paul and Mary Bland discover the means to achieve their dream. The unsung star of the
fantasies before being bopped at the crucial film is a large, black frying-pan (bottom left).
momeVit. When a handsome hustler, Raoul,
discovers their scheme he offers to dispose of It does prove to be a pleasing black comedy, parodying a sex farce (to good effect) but
the bodies, but soon things start to go wrong. with a good performance by Bartel and Mary ignores a wealth of opportunities for some
Eating Raoul definitely has an air of its own. Woronov as the happy couple, but the visual good, sick jokes. Still, a bit of a laugh and
Whether it is a comment on modern-day gags in no way make up for the absence of interesting too.
America or just a clever farce isn't important. witty dialogue. The film relies far too much on MarK Smitt-
Friday January 28th
1st Birthday Party Annual Dinner
to be held at
Discounts on certain drinks
Sam Smith s 9
Merrydown Cider on
Friday, February 4th
Live band-McCabe's Trio
Four course meal
Southside is now serving a
complete range of Merrydown bar until lam
Tickets £11.50, available from
Soc Reps or the RCSU Office
Page 81 I J a n u a r y 21, 19831 IFELIX
A FILM B YILMAZ GUNEY
THE W A Y
YOL (15) a Yilmaz Guney film directed by
Serif G o r e n , now showing exclusively at
the Lumiere Cinema, St. Martin's Lane.
YOL may strike you as a bit of a daft name for
a film, sounding more like a Scandanavian
navvy than a Turkish word meaning 'the way'
(a reference to a journey or route through life
in this case). It turns out to be a surprisingly
well made film which shared the top award at
Cannes last year with Costa-Gavras' impress-
YOL tells the story of five prisoners who are
given a weeks parole from their island prison.
The film opens in the said institution, which is
rather relaxed and not a bit like the home for
defeated cons shown in A l a n P a r k e r ' s
Midnight Express. But their joy at release is
soon dampened by the harsh realitie.- of life in
modern day Turkey. Through a series of
episodes each prisoner's story is revealed with
an ease which betrays the experience of the
film's creator, Yilmaz Guney. This remarkable
man has fpent mosi of the last 20 years in a
Turkish prison, but has still managed to
produce a long list of films by virtually directing
from his cell. Visitors showed him sketches Seyit bids a tearful farewell to his son in YOL,
at his hands. To do this he travels to the but his return to the island prison is left in
and stills from the scenes and he even
isolated mountain village in north-east Turkey doubt.
rt-hearsed ac.ors and edited from r: shes. He
where her family have imprisoned her, chained
finally escaped to Paris ir 1981 to edit VOL,
and unwashed, for eight months. T o r n
?';er :;*•:«• hope in eve: having ftvedom in
between rage and pity he finds himself
suspended between ancient customs and
One of the prisoners travels to Kurdistan
where rebels continually raid from nearby
Syria. His fat is soon decided for him by a
All of these scenes blend together to give a
powerful and ironic message; each man finds
combination, c external forte and he does himself imprisoned just a much in the outside
not return to nis jail. Muddy River, directed by Kohei O z u r i ,
world, trapped between outdated customs and
Another ;t face trie reality of his crime Japenese dialogue, English subtitles. N o w
restrictive authorities. We also see a range of
and admit he was responsible for the death of showing at the Paris Pullman.
breathtaking images of Turkey, from crowded
his brother-in-law. This leads to him regaining cities to snow covered mountains, all used to If your only experience of Japan is watching
his estrnnoei.1 wife, but with tragic conseq- quite stunning effect. Shogun on the telly, then your view of Japan
uences may well be that it was all wooden-and-paper
So overall YOL is a pleasant surprise which, houses, picturesque gardens and sullen
The nict! r romp'ate story is that of Seyit, despite its tragic story, remains inspirational
which dominates tne latter halt ot the film and samurai until someone invented the micro-
rather than depressing. It kept my full chip and the economy car, when overnight it
is genuinely moving. He returns home to attention throughout and is recommended as a
Jiscovcr that his wife has committed a; was transformed into teeming cities and
very interesting and entertaining picture. gleaming office blocks.
unforgiveable crime and must, by tradition, die
Mark Smith T h i s film is set be t we en these two
periods—in 1956, after our transatlantic
cousins had spent a few years setting fire to
every wooden-and-paper city they could lay
their hands on and before they started buying
every Datsun and electronic gadget they
What we see is a desolate landscape with a
poor country struggling to rebuild itself after
defeat, humiliation and devastation. The war is
still a fresh wound in the minds of the men who
vividly remember their fallen comrades, and
many wish they had fallen in battle with their
samurai pride in tact, rather than suffer the
degradation of trying to scrape a living in a
time of peace.
But this film is not about war or the old
warriors. It is about a friendship between two
nine year old boys. The Muddy River of the
title is an allegory. Nobuo's parents own a
restaurant on a river. Kuchi lives on a boat
with his mother and sister, which one day ties
up on the opposite bank of the river.
The Muddy River also stands for the 'River
of Life'. At its source, birth, it is clean and
pure. But, as it is sullied by its environment, it
widens, flows slower and the issues are no
longer clear but cloudy. There are no rights or
wrongs, there are just grey areas. Yet the film
F om left Nobuo and Kiichi (a new Triple act to rival the Marx Brothers) Continued on next page
FEuxaa i J a n u a r y 21, 19831 • • • • • • • • • • • 9 1 Page
Continued from previous page
is not without hope. This mud is the essence of
life, the all pervading medium of our everyday
The photography is attractive with the black
and white washed out look capturing the
somewhat mournful mood of the picture. The
use of standard rather than any of the scope
formats is unusual but effective. I have long felt
that 'scope's wide screen is a drawback, as it
disperses the attention of the viewer with vital
things happening in the periphery of vision.
Obviously it is harder for the Director to cram
into the frame all he wants without losing it in
the distance, but it is often worth the effort.
Minoru Sakurai turns in a fine performance
as Kuchi, the self reliant outcast, and Takahiro
Tamura, Nobuo's father plays the part of the
wistful, bitter war veteran with great prescence
However, Nobuo himse: his mother are
•somewhat embarrass nt • i u....'h and the film
seemed to drag a bit in piaces. Whether it was
the well-upholstered chairs of the Bijou
Theatre or too many after film booze ups that
caused resonant snoring to echo from one part
of the cinema after an hour or so is open to
Muddy River is playing in a double bill with
The Spirit of the Beehive, a Spanish film about
a girl who believes in Frankenstein's monster.
Altogether a very interesting double bill, but,
running for nearly three hours, it is only for the
Steven Berkoff demonstrating his potential in Decadence (or is he just boasting?). Linda Lee Paddon
Marlowe (picking teeth) and a sofa (reclining) complete the scene.
good at doing posh accents) but his physical
mannerisms and gymnastics on stage. He is WALKABOUT-
Decadent Class? superb at mime — he is Parisien trained — and
as the evening wears on the acrobatics
become more and more energetic. If nothing
Decadence w r i t t e n a n d d i r e c t e d by else, his part is a physical tour de force.
A l t h o u g h we ' s e e ' the c o u p l e at an
by Mobile Optics Inc.
Steven Berkoff, A r t s Theatre.
S t e v e n B e r k o f f ' s play Decadence is a expensive restaurant, the opera and other
merciless onslaught on the English ruling or haunts of the 'idle rich' the stage is adorned
upper classes, "so called by virtue of throughout with no more than a sofa and a What does lVa//cabouf-Loolcsee do after
strangulated vowel tones rather than any real tulip in a vase. But Mr Berkoff does the most galleries etc. have closed? Well iherp ate
achievement." Mr Berkoff has written many strange things with the sofa. The most strange alternative visual e x p e r i e n c e ..actually'
other plays for The London Theatre Group things indeed. Mr Berkoff fondles it, he makes "alternative vis. exp." probabk describe | 8
which he formed in 1972. Among these are love on it, he makes love to it, he tells rude Laserium quite well.
Metamorphosis and The Trial (after Kafka), stories on it, he throws up on it, he empties his
Macbeth, Hamlet, Miss Julie (after Strindberg) bowels on it and clambers around on it like an The blurb on the glossy little pamphlet is
The Fall of the House of Usher, Agamemnon orang-utang in a cage. This is decadence of the typically uninformative in a geewhizz-fantastic
(after /Eschylus) and Creek and Decadence most animal kind, and this is Mr Berkoff' idea pl
glossy-pamphlet style. "200 watts of .sound
which have toured the world to critical of upper class behaviour, what all the Lords from 12 high power speakers and the mo.-.? j
acclaim. He has also appeared in many films and Ladies in the land are doing. All the Lords advanced (? er, \ watt I krypton gas laser
and is co-starring in Roger Moore's latest Bond and Ladies? Does Lord Flowers indulge in this combine to create a breath taking display ol
film to be rehearsed in June. kind of thing? Of course not. Then what is Mr multi-coloured pulsaiing images". Try not to
Berkoff trying to say? I don't know. If it is a let that put you off! The lasenst is a great guy,
Decadence has a cast of two: the writer generalisation then few people will be fooled.
himself and Linda Marlowe, a founder member friendly and laid back, and his introduction to
All generalisations are dangerous and this is the show is entertainment in its own right —
and co-writer of the original "Sadista Sisters" one of them. Of course, most of us are guilty of
rock group, with many T V appearances to her durii.g the pcrtormar.ee you can't eat. can't
making them from time to time, and people are drink, can't smoke and can't toke...but i
credit. According to my press notices, Mr also making them of us. In East Germany the
Berkoff has for ten years "been mounting a other than that teel free!
authorities issue lists of approved terms for the
scathing assault on English Society." And popular press to use when describing other
Decadence, judging my the finished product, Laserium
nationalities. The officially approved terms for Coherent light, as in lasers, is very beautiful.
must be Berkoff's last desperate measure, the the British run as follows: paralytic syco-
ace up the sleeve, the weapon to end all The beam is so intense and so concentrated
phants, effete betrayors of humanity, carrion that the quality of red, blue green and yellow is
weapons, the spectacularly bloody revenge, eating servile imitators, arch cowards and
because Decadence is desperate and totally unlike that from any other source of primary
collaborators, gang of women murderers, colour. The concert part includes tracks by
uncompromising. There is no plot as such. Mr degenerate rabble, parasitic traditionalists,
Berkoff and Ms Marlowe play two upper class Pink Floyd, The Who, Jimi Hendrix and Elvis
playboy soldiers andf conceited dandies. Costello, but 1 found mysell so hooked by the
adulterers but we are treated to a positive but Sounds familiar?
humerous cry of exaggeration. The two blue lights that 1 just let the sound wash over. The
stockings seem to be in perpetual orbit around The social comment there is in Decadence show takes place in the hemispherical dome of
sex, gluttony, alcohol, sex, boredom, childish is r a t h e r s n o w e d under by the gross the London Planetarium, some numbers
games and more sex. The caricatures characterisation. Be that as it may, the against a backdrop of starry sky, some in pitch
portrayed are monstrously exaggerated. It is production is still funny, rather shocking (and darkness. The images have texture: sharp
Gargantua and Pantagruel gone mad (with often downright vulgar—keep granny well edges soften and solid shapes dissolve into
Monsieur Rabelais turning in his grave). away) and although it is not the sort of thing diaphanous gauze. They also have scale: a
that would have universal appeal, there are homely gas jet the other side of the kitchen,
Berkoff assembles the whole range of explodes into a 'Close Encounters' spaceship
stereotypes into one person, but it is not so bound to be some who think highly of it.
much what he says that is funny (he's not very Nick Bedding
Page 101 I J a n u a r y 21,19831 I FELIX
being 6-2, 5-4 down, to win 2-6, cup competition is Ian Grindall Meanwhile the question of
7-5, 9-7. The full result was: who has yet to be beaten for the team shirts has arisen and a
C. Langerin and R. Easton won 1st or 2nd teams.
decision is needed as to their
PORT 6-2, 6-4 and 6-3, 6-4
J . Sear and D . Gladman won 2-
6, 7-5, 9-7 and lost 4-6, 6-4, 6-0
As of Wednesday the post
match peanut and cheese and
onion crisp sessions began again.
colour and shape (silver lame
sleeveless vs pink frilly front and
Elizabethan collar on sequined
M a n of the match: D . Gladman. See next weeks action packed
mauve velvet), so there will be a
Worst performance: the opp- article for the outcomes. Details
Club General Meeting on Wed
osition and R. Easton. Special of trips to Germany and jerseys
19 Jan at 13.30 in the Volleyball
thanks to Judith Taylor. Next are on the notice board in the
Court to discuss this and other
fa) Tennis match: Friday 21 January. Sports Centre for a change.
matters. Red tape rules O K .
To finish on an oft-repeated
note, the Ladies team is suffering
Last Tuesday saw a, not as
strong (or fit) as it could be, first
Volleyball from a lack of ladies so acute
team score a vital victory in the Squash that for the last two sessions'
none have shown up. As you can
winter league held under flood- A n action packed episode this appreciate, this makes coaching
lights in North London. Four week—first an update. The mens a trifle on the difficult side, and
e n t h u s i a s t i c I C lads b r a v e d A quick summary of the mid- team continued their winning leaves me, Pete and M a n won-
French style driving, slippery season team positions and streak in the S E E T E C H league dering what to do on Tuesday
courts, bad lighting and severe promotions, with a 3-2 victory over Totten-
e v e n i n g . A t this p o i n t i n a
weather conditions to score a 15 lsts Div 1 3rd, 27pts ham College, a total erasure of
Dickens novel the hero usually
points to 6 victory over the ex- 2nds Div 3 2nd, 34pts Hounslow V B C and ditto Inter-
gives up and turns to drink, so if
cellent L o n d o n c l u b , D r i v e . (promoted) national University Watford (no
you want us to stay Guniless,
There were problems of course 3rds Div 3 8th, 16.5pts joking folks, there is one!).
please come along. A l l welcome
b o t h o n the c o u r t , such as 4ths Div 4 7th, 19pts T o crown all this last week- Tuesdays 17.30 to 19.30 at the
Christian's volleys and Rob's 5ths Div 6 2nd, 33pts end, after an arduous 4 hour
forehand, and off it where John Volleyball Court, 2nd floor O l d
(promoted) minivan trip involving paralysed Chemistry Bldng.
Sear a l m o s t t u r n e d h i m s e l f Thus the 5 mens teams are glutious maximuses all round,
inside out in the changing rooms F i n a l l y a t o u c h i n g c r i de
placed in the top 5 divisions for Liverpool University exited from
but said he felt 10 pounds lighter coeur. A n y Greek speaking
round 2. the E V A National Students' Cup
after the experience. The out- Barry Manilow addict wishing to
The ladies team is 3rd or 4th by 3 sets to 1. Another arduous
' come was made certain when establish a meaningful relation-
in Ladies D i v 2 following some van trip back, more corns on the
Dave Gladman and John Sear ship with volleyballing fellow
sound performances, especially I C V B C collective bum (???-Ed)
stole t h e i r m a t c h f r o m the sufferer, contact C . Christou of
towards the end of last term. and a p u n c t u r e o n the M l
opposition's second pair, after rounded off a good day out. Elec Eng 1.
The leader in the individual
preparing to land. Precise circles and ellipses could produce a gyrating laser image. But, just
make contented geometric flowers; a violently
struggling squiggle metamorphoses into an
as 'Tron' is the (current) ultimate in computer
graphics, the laserium is worth a visit to see
acrobatic butterfly; and the night sky is filled the ultimate artistic e x p l o i t a t i o n of the If you're just back in London after a Traditional
with the spots off a peacock's tail. principles of spatial and temporal coherence of Family Christmas you're probably fed up to
Experience not to be missed photons! the eyeballs with Festive Fare and yearning for.
'Tron' has a desperately weak story line and something light quick and tasty and easy to
no plot. The film's appeal is totally visual - the Where, when, £ ? digest. Some of you might be lucky enough to
graphics are dazzling. In much the same way There are laser shows 5 days a week at the have received a toasted sandwich machine, or
the sound-track of L a s e r i u m is almost London Planetarium - next door to Madame if not, these recipes might persuade you to buy
incidental, but the colours and images are Tussaud's and the Baker Street tube station - one at the sales with some left over Christmas
dazzling. at 6.00 and 7.30 on Sun, Wed, Thurs, Fri and money. In all these recipes remember to
LASER is an acronym of Light Amplification Sat, with an extra show at 9.00 on Friday and spread a thin layer of butter or margarine on
by Stimulated Emmission of Radiation. Given Saturday. Tickets cost £1.25 with a student's the olifside of the sandwich to prevent
card and can be booked up to 14 days in sticking.
the right c o m b i n a t i on of modulators ,
oscillators and scanning controls you too advance, but no phone bookings. First of all, a variant of the tried and trusted
cheese toastie. Spread both pieces of bread
thickly with cold custard (tinned will do),
keeping it away from the edges to prevent
leaking. Grate two ounces of cheddar cheese,
and mix with a small amount of tomato sauce
and some finely chopped dried dates. Pile the
mixture in the middle of one slice, cover with
the other and toast.
Next, the breakfast toastie. First, cover one
slice of bread with a layer of cold porridge.
Sprinkle on chopped bacon or ham, sliced
fried mushrooms and either boiled or fried
egg. (Boiled eggs will have to be chopped or
sliced, fried eggs can be left whole and
trimmed to fit the bread being used). Spread
the second slice of bread with marmalade,
cover the sandwich and toast.
And finally, a special toastie with that certain
je-ne-sais-quoi that typifies true cordon bleugh
cookery. To a small jar of pickled cockles, add
a finely chopped banana, a tablespoon of
Bovril and a tablespoon of white wine. Stir
thoroughly. Drain, and spoon onto bread
which has been spread with crunchy peanut
butter. Spread covers with peanut butter,
cover and toast.
Behind the scenes, but larger than a Walkman
FELIXI I J a n u a r y 21, 19831 I Page!
Physics . _ More
1400h 630 1800(1 House
Hewlett Packard Users' Unity After the Pope's Visit This
meeting, to exchange pro- talk is preceeded by mass and
grams, tips and books. a bar supper.
—As this week Is Church Unity
Week, it would be nice If some
JCR of the other Christian groups
1930h took this opportunity to share
in this Catholic evening.
India Society Republic Day
Celebrations Live Indian music
Drinks and food available. 301m
Admission £1.50 with ticket, 1900h MW
£2 on the door. Very Easy Listening with Chris
-It will be Interesting to see Martin.
whether this event is design- '
ed only for a minority of the
society as it was claimed that
2230h Falmouth Kitchens
the Diwali had only limited
Saturday 1245h Upper Lounge
Debsoc open committee
ICU Welfare Officer woken by 1200h Bowl COLLEGE
Royal School of Mines
Executive and asked to
provide props for the Mines
IC Bowling Club take on
Brunei University in a champ-
ionship match. 301m Audition for Dramsoc's S C A B
—Even though this is a home
2200h MW night play. No experience is
needed to take a part.
match and local derby, it is Live Evil Neil Collins presents
three hours of Black Sabbath. —SCAB night is when all the
hardly likely to have mass
SCAB clubs come together to
1245h Union Concert Hall appeal, as it is a very hard
raise money for Rag. Make use
Islamic Society Friday meeting. sport to follow. If you want to
of this opportunity to act and
watch sport you'd probably do raise money for charity.
better If you went to see one
of the local football clubs
0915h Quiet Room
1945h G e a
H a ,!
Beit Prayer meeting Wind Band rehearsal. If you
Jewish Society Friday night
meal. Bring about £1 of dairy PM Arch Join now you will still be able
1000h Consort Gallery to take part In the first concert
or vegetarian food Cross Country Club Race Communion Service of term.
—For people who want to
participate in sport, this is a real 1100h More House
opportunity, as an almost Catholic Mass L Union
A A A L
infinite number of people are
needed. See the noticeboard 1300h Union S C R IC Cricket Club general meet-
for details. Wargames Club meeting ing
—It may seem a long time until
the sun shines and It Is time to
cricket, but the club organis-
ation must be dealt with first.
So make sure that you turn up
If you want to play cricket.
1930h Union Lower Refectory
PDT Medal Class
1830h Music Room 1930h 408
Christian Union meeting. Art Restoration David Bomford
talks to Wellsoc about this
interesting and important
1982 Memorial Party Say
goodbye to 1982 with 'The
Corporation'. Admission £ 1 . Tuesday
- While everyone else has
forgotten 1982, IC Ents have
managed to arrange a disco
Dynavector will be giving away a cartridge like this at 1230h Southside Upper Lounge
which should be enjoyable, If a
little late. their talk . . . Or Is It the Star Ship Enterprise? BOardsalling Club meeting.
Page121 • • • • • • • • • • J a n u a r y 21, 1983 • • • IFELIX
Elec Eng Union
1230h 606 1830h Upper Lounge
Pimlico Connection lunch. Dynavector will demonstrate
Come and see how you can their cartridges. In addition
tutor at a local school during they will give away a £60
the 1983-1984 session. cartridge.
—Dynavector are one of the
1230h Common Room very few specialist hi-fi manu-
facturers from Japan. Their
Chris Price M P talks on cartridges represent tremen-
'Labour's policies on Indust- dous value for money. So find
rial innovation'. out about the latest cartridges
at what may be Audio Soc's
1245h Aero 452 event of the year.
Catholic Mass 1930h J C R
Intermediate Dancing Class
1300h Committee Room
2230h Falmouth Kitchens
S C C Executive
Jewish Society have organised
a talk and discussion with a
1230h Lower Refectory
The Exclusion of Women from
Technology A talk to WIST by
Physics Dr D Griffiths.
Cryogenics A talk to M O P S O C Linstead
by Professor D F Brewer of 1300h Courts
Sussex University. Tennis Club trials
1300h Level 2
IQ, Eugenics and Racism A talk The Barbican A visit behind the
to Socialist Society from 'The scenes organised by M O P S O C .
British Association for Respon-
sibility in Science'. Huxley
— This talk, on a subject which
always causes debate, is Bible study led by Lauraine
possibly the highlight of the Everitt. A meeting organised Roger Moore in the classic James Bond pose. Thursday's Ents film
week. So find out if people's by S C F . is 'For Your Eyes Only', the latest 007 feature which was hailed at
IQs are really affected by race. the time as a return to the old-style Bond, relying on
Tues 1300h 1315h 9 Princes Gardens straightforward action rather than massive sets. It suceeds well
1300h TV Lounges Quran Circle and is probably the best of Moore's five efforts to date.
1400h Dramsoc Storeroom
Read Theatre Dramsoc workshop
1300h Sherfield 1300h TV Lounges Union
This House believes that
1830h J C R STOIC broadcast 1800h Upper Lounge
Creatlonism supersedes Bronze Medal dancing class S C C full meeting
Darwinism proposed by Prof-
essor Edgar Andrews and opp- 4 0 0 n U Music Room
osed by Professor R J Barry.
1930h J C R 1 OoUn 53 Princes Gate 1800h TV Lounges
Beginners' Dancing class STOIC broadcast
The Coull String Quartet will
—All credit to Debating Society
play a selection of music to
and Humanities Dept for organ- Thursday mark the 750th lunch-hour Aero
ising a debate on an interesting
subject by two people who
concert and Mozart's birthday. 1830h 266
understand it. Mech Eng — This superb concert will be Development of the Learfan-
1230h 542 packed, so make sure you are
early W you want a place.
The First Carbon Fibre
Aeroplane A talk to Aerosoc by
Pippard Theatre Trades Unions in the 1980s A Mr J V Noyes, Technical
1330h Sherfield talk to Labour Club by Moss Director of Learfan.
Judaism and Zionism a talk by Evans, General Sec of T G W U .
Edward Mortimer as part of the — The future of the unions must 1330h Sherfield Mech Eng
series 'Religion and National-
ism in the Contemporary
be in some doubt following
Norman Tebbit's proposals on
The Ascent of Man part twelve 1930h 220
'Generation upon Generation'. For Your Eyes Only the Ents
Middle Fast'. Union reform So come and
hear how a top union leader film.
1730h Brown Committee Room believes they should develop. 1730h Aero 254
—Roger Moore's latest film as
Amnesty International meeting. Gliding club meeting 007 in which his age is starting
Physics to show. Nevertheless a good
1800h Southside Upper Lounge
Boardsalllng Club meeting.
1300h LT2 Mech Eng
Bond which precede the summer
Deterrr. tation of Structure of
release of two new films; Moore
in 'OctoDussy' and the old
1800h TV L o n g e s Dusty Galaxies a talk to Choir rehearsal for Bach in B master Sean Connery In 'Never
STOIC broadcast M O P S O C by Dr D Adams. Minor Mass. Say Never Again'.
FELIX • • • • • H M M H i I January 21,1983! I Page13
CCHI (1 19 <> 9
Boxing Match what is the (unique) winning move from this
This week sees the return of Scaramouche position?
(first years won't remember him), in the most Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the
1> I> 1i O
unusual puzzle I have yet seen. But let him tell FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from •
you about it: Menda-Bike for a randomly selected entry.
Scaramouche speaks: . A A
Pinocchio's been letting you off rather lightly 1 i 1
recently, so to remind you of the devious . Last Weeks Solution
difficulty of some of my puzzles, here's an Last week's puzzle was rather easy, and there
offering based on the children's game of dots were 31 entries. Leann Jones of Maths 2 was
and boxes. the winner, and can collect her prize from the
As you're probably aware, two players start FELIX Office on Monday. The solution is • 1 i 41 «v
with a grid of dots and alternately draw in lines shown below. Two entries are worthy of
joining the dots in pairs. If a player's move mention; notably Andrew Lailhamson (I think
completes the fourth side of a square cell, he that's how you spell it) was the youngest Diagram 1 Diagram 2 j
initials it and plays again. Sometimes it is entrant at only 11, and James Aldridge of
possible to complete two cells on a move; in Physics 2, who entered all three of the
this case the player initials both boxes, but competitions, and also won the Superkings-2
only gets one extra turn. The winner is the puzzle (and can pick up his cheque from the
player to initial most boxes. FELIX Office etc.). The Superkings answer,
Sound simple? Child's play? All right, then, 10*10, is shown below. The code was won by
as a fairly straightforward example of devious Russell Jones of Elec Eng 2, and he can pick up
play, look at the position in diagram 1. A has his cheque etc., the solution to which is this:
just won two boxes, and has been forced to Take all the numbers between any two
start a chain of five for his opponent. If B is consecutive commas, square them and add
greedy and takes the whole chain, he will have them, and that will give the position of the
to hand back the longer chain of nine to A, and letter in the alphabet,
so will lose 5-11. On the other hand if B takes e.g. 23,12,1114,... goes to;
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
three of the cells in the chain, but then seals off 2 +3 , l +2 , l +l +l +4 ,. goes to;
its other end by completing the horizontal line 13, 5, 19,... goes to;
in the bottom left hand corner, he only gives m, e, s,
two cells to A who is then compelled to open The answer was:
up the chain of nine to B, resulting in a 12-4 win Message follows in Latin.
for B. Ecce Edwardus ursus nunc tump-tump-
Complete analysis of the game is hard tump occipite gradus pulsante post Chris-
(pedantically it's NP-hard for those who know tophorum Robinum descendens.
what that means) and there are lots of ...which is of course the first sentence of
fascinating and difficult problems which arise Winnie-the-Pooh translated into Latin. Thanks
from the strategy: Diagram 2 is a case in point; Perola!
WW H i -re
taw WTO m m r w w /WW J
FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB
Tel. 01-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising Manager: Nick Thexton. Copyright FELIX 1983
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Waitrose Opening Times
Bookshop Opening Times
During Termtime: 9:15am—5:15pm