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					                       T h e N e w s p a p e r of I m p e r i a l                                          College U n i o n

      ICU Skint!
The 3-4% increase projected for
IC Union for 1983-4 now seems
unlikely. Instead it is probable

that Union employees' salaries
will be raised by 3'/ % while the

incoms for clubs and societies
will remain the same. Since the
Union will have to rethink the
priorities of various societies, it
seems likely that some will face a

       Morphy Day
The tradition of the Morphy Day
tow-path battle is to be discontin-
                                               IN S H E R F I E L D
ued following complaints about
the state of the tow-path after last
term's fight.                                  There were several reports of a
   In D e c e m b e r , the R e c t o r ,   large gorilla wandering about in
Lord Flowers, received a letter             the .Sherfield Building late on
of complaint from David Mellor,             Wednesday evening. AH attempts
Conservative Member of Parlia-              to trace it have been unsuccessful.
ment for Putney and Under-                     The g o r i l l a , d e s c r i b e d as
Secretary of State for Energy.              about six feet tall, black and
The Rector (who is himself a                hairy, was spotted roaming the
member of the standing comm-                lower floors of the Sherfield
ittee on Energy and the Environ-            Building at about 8:50pm. It
ment) summoned Union Presi-                 appeared quite harmless, and
dent S t e p h e n G o u l d e r , who      even d o c i l e , u n t i l a h a s t i l y -
              continued on page 3           summoned F E L I X photograph-
                                            er arrived on the scene, where-
                                            u p o n the g o r i l l a f l e d . T h e
                                            photographer gave chase but
                                            while he was trying to photo-
                                            graph the gorilla it entered a lift
                                            and travelled towards the top of
                                            the building. The photographer,
                                            hampered by his camera, failed
                                            to catch it, and it vanished into
                                            the maze of corridors in the
                                            Sherfield Building.
                                               Security staff claimed to have
                                            seen nothing, but told F E L I X
                                            that it is well k n o w n that a
                                            student i n L i n s t e a d owns a
                                            gorilla costume, and sightings of
                                            the beast were quite common
                                            until two years ago.

                                            The Sherfield gorilla could not
                                            quite escape our photographer by
                                            dashing into a lift.

                                                                    F r i d a y , J a n u a r y 21,19831                       I Free!
                                                                  • H o n d a m o p e d 5 0 c c V reg. F o r sale
                                                                  p r i c e negotiable. C o n t a c t T H a l i m
                                                                  D O C Rm347 Huxley building M S c                              The Horns of
 Small Ads                                                        letter rack.
                                                                  • C a l l i n g all G o players. Please
                                                                  c o n t a c t L H o l l a n d via P h y s i c s 1 letter
                                                                  racks.                                                         Uncertainty
                                                                  • LearnersI C o m m u t e r s ! Y o u n e e d my
 • A c c o m m o d a t i o n : F e m a l e to share               S u z u k i A 1 0 0 (V reg). F o r o n l y £210
 d o u b l e r o o m in l u x u r y h o u s e in                 this m a r v e l l o u s m a c h i n e (includin g
 V i c t o r i a . C H & all m o d c o n s . £108pcm              rack, m a n u a l s a n d s o m e spares) c a n
 & all bills. R i n g 821 9853 or Int 4125.                       be y o u r s . C o n t a c t R S h a m m a s , E l e c
                                                                  E n g II.
 • P h y s i c s W a n d e r e r s 3—The Druids
                                                                  • D e b S o c o p e n c o m m i t t e e meeting o n
 ( P h y s 1) 6. S o what if we had two more
                                                                  M o n 24th J a n at 12:45 in the U p p e r
 players than they did? A n y team                                Lounge. All members welcome.
 interested in a m a t c h , contact L e e
                                                                  • P e n t a x K 1 0 0 0 m a n u a l S L R for sale.
 E v a n s ( P h y s 1).                                          Mint c o n d i t i o n inc. c a s e a n d U V filter
 • B u d d i n g artist w a n t e d to d e s i g n               £60 A p p l y D A n t h o n y 111 F - K H a l l .
 S q u a s h C l u b sweatshirt. C o n t a c t D a v e
                                                                  • Will e v e r y o n e , FELIX I n c l u d e d , w h o
 M o l e s w o r t h , R S M U office or 731-6301.
                                                                 h a s o n e ot the E n t s film c a t a l o g u e s
 • L o s t : m i k e s t a n d from the U n i o n                p l e a s e return It to the U n i o n office as
 C o n c e r t H a l l e n d of last term. If f o u n d          s o o n as p o s s i b l e . T h a n k s , G e r a r d .
 c o n t a c t R B r a n d o n P h y s 2.
                                                                  • S q u a s h r a c k e t s : C l a s s i c 003 £12 ea.
 • F o r s a l e : S i n g l e pine bed: excellent               A l s o s e l e c t i o n of A m e r i c a n - m a d e
 c o n d i t i o n . £35 o n o . C o n t a c t Peter             Manta rackets. See Sports Centre
 M o t t i s h a w , P h y s i c s P G internal 2984             S q u a s h C l u b n o t i c e b o a r d for details
 or 2 4 C K i n g s m i l l H o u s e , S u t t o n              o r ring D a v e 731-6301 for details.
                                                                 • F r e e s u m m e r h o l i d a y s in the U . S . A .
  • F o o t b a l l : - A s l e e p i n g giant has              F i n d out more in the J C R this Friday
 w o k e n . C i v E n g II are ready for battle.                l u n c h t i m e . L o o k for the stars a n d
 D o e s a n y o n e d a r e t a k e us o n ?                    stripes.
 C o n t a c t C. M a n n a l l C i v E n g II.
                                                                  • F o r d E s c o r t 1100 L reg, requires
  • A . M . P : What's it like to work for                       s o m e m a i n t e n a n c e , M O T till middle of
 living? Will L a d b r o k e s ever r e c o v e r ?             F e b , £100 o n o . C o n t a c t Mark T a y l o r
 • L i z y o u r lips are electric...                            D O C II.
  • A r c h e r y ? A n y o n e interested please                 • " I m p o s s i b l e P r o d u c t i o n s " as part of
 c o n t a c t N i g e l A t k i n s o n , C h e m E n g 1.      S C A B night, present "37 P l a y s in 37
  • S F S o c : Y o u have f l u s h e d me out.                 M i n u t e s . " T h e c o m p l e t e w o r k s of T h e
 P u b l i s h the l o c a t i o n of the editorial              Bill S h a k e s p e a r e live onstage. G u a r -
 p i g e o n - h o l e a n d I may o b l i g e . C o s s a r .
  • C a u g h t s h o r t ? D u e to p o p u l a r
 d e m a n d , the Welfare Officer now
                                                                 anteed parts (almost) to any p e r s o n —
                                                                 o r d o g — w h o turns up o n M o n d a y 24th
                                                                 J a n at 7.15pm in C o n c e r t Hall. N o
                                                                                                                                    2: Dilemma
 k e e p s s t o c k s of w o m e n a n d c a n be               p r e v i o u s e x p e r i e n c e required.
 w o k e n if n e c e s s a r y on Int 2292.                     • T e n n i s C l u b : S e c o n d T e a m Trial will
  • S k i C l u b l D r y s l o p e s k i i n g at               be held from 1.00pm on W e d n e s d a y
 Hillingdo n every Thursday. Meet                                26th J a n — L i n s t e a d c o u r t s .
 opposite Old Chemistry building
 7.00pm. A p p r o x cost £2-50.
  • S k i i n g in S c o t l a n d . T h e S k i C l u b will
                                                                 • W o u l d y o u like s o m e m o n e y next
                                                                 y e a r ? Will all S C C societies please
                                                                 note the details of our meetings in the
                                                                                                                                               Covenants —
  be o r g a n i s i n g a w e e k e n d ski trip to
 A v i e m o r e . W h y not have a 'crack' at
 s n o w s k i i n g ? M e e t i n g next T h u r s d a y
                                                                 W h a t ' s O n c o l u m n . G r a n t c l a i m s for
                                                                 next y e a r m u s t be in by next T h u r s d a y
                                                                                                                                         a gift from the taxman
 6.00pm a b o v e S o u t h s i d e bar.                         • R C S A n n u a l Dinner . T i c k e t s , o n l y
  • B o w T i e w i s h e s it to be k n o w n that              £11.50, are available from s o c reps or                       If your parents contribute to              Points to note
  he is not r e s p o n s i b l e for the series                 t h e U n i o n O f f i c e . R e m e m b e r not              y o u r g r a n t , y o u can use a        1. To benefit from a covenant
  " H o r n s of U n c e r t a i n t y " .                       e v e r y b o d y c a n g o to S i l w o o d , here's                                                     you must be over 18 or married.
                                                                 just as g o o d an alternative.
                                                                                                                                covenant as a painless way of
  • S i n g l e r o o m in Hat. A v a i l a b l e
  i m m e d i a t e l y . Rent £24pw. L o c a t i o n nr.        • C a l l i n g Hewlett Packard prog-                          increasing the money that they             2. Your parents must be paying
 W e s t K e n s i n g t o n tube. 10 mins from                  r a m m a b l e c a l c u l a t o r users. F o l l o w i n g   give you by 43%.                           tax and you not paying tax.
  College. Please contact A Milner                               a s u c e s s f u l get-together last term we
                                                                 are meeting a g a i n in P h y s i c s 630 on                     Covenants were developed as             3. The amount covenanted — ie
  C h e m E n g III or A Fraser P h y s i c s III.
                                                                 Sat. 29 J a n u a r y at 2pm. E x c h a n g e                  a means of aiding tax-exempt               what you get from your parents
                                                                 p r o g r a m s , p l a y S t a r T r e k , get a                                                         plus what you get from the
                         •Renetly                                d i s c o u n t on y o u next p u r c h a s e .
                                                                                                                                people of which impecunious
   Ladles' & Gentlemen's Hairdressers                            S t u d e n t s a n d staff w e l c o m e .                    students are the prime example.            taxman — counts as your earned
      D i s c o u n t lor students and stall!                    • Welfare O l f i c e r regrets the t e m p -                     The idea of a deed of covenant          income. This means that if the
 C u t : first visit £3, s e c o n d visit a n d after           orary s h o r t a g e of s u p p l i e s . I don't
 £2.50; s h a m p o o , cut a n d blow dry: first                                                                               in this context is quite simply            money you receive under the
                                                                 k n o w what F r a n k R o w s e l l c a n be
 visit £4.20, s e c o n d visit a n d after £3.85.               d o i n g with t h e m all...                                  that our parents c o m m i t to            covenant plus any other income
  E q u a l l y attractive r e d u c t i o n s l o r lady        • Attention Holbein F C Hope you can                                                                      you have during the year such as
                         students .                                                                                             writing an undertaking to pay a
                                                                 c o u n t to over ten. S e e y o u in F e b .                                                             vacation earnings exceeds your
               Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm                             Love, S H F C .                                                certain sum of money each year
                  Sat 9am to 12noon                                                                                                                                        Personal Tax Allowance (£1565
     R e n e t l y , 154a C r o m w e l l R d , S W 7            • T o S H F C : I think we'll s c o r e more                   for a period capable of exceeding
                        01-373 0288
                                                                 than ten against y o u . H o l b e i n rule all                six years. This does not commit            for single people) then you will
                                                                 H o u s e s (not like P W ) .
    (Next to B r i t i s h A i r w a y s B u i l d i n g )                                                                      your parents to actually paying            have to start paying tax on the
  A p p o i n t m e n t s not a l w a y s n e c e s s a r y .    • P h y s i c s W a n d e r e r s 3, P h y s i c s (I)
                                                                 J u n i o r s 6. We a l l o w e d the y o u t h team           you for six years, it is merely a          excess. This position has been
                                                                 a m o r a l e - b o o s t i n g victory. P H Y S I C S         legal requirement of covenants             further complicated this year by
                                                                 RULE THEMSELVES.
 • A n d y : Don't use them all at o n c e . If                                                                                 that they must be capable of               the taxing of some social security
                                                      • Rat. Y o u ' r e a mighty purple hero!.
 in d o u b t c o n s u l t a c o p y of ...But Were                                                                            exceeding six years. After each            benefits so it is wise to do your
 Afraid to Ask.                                      • A l a n : H a s the k a n g a r o o d i s p l a c e d
                                                     y o u affections? G r e e n Furry F r o g .                                payment you get a form from the            sums first. The Student Services
                                                                                                                                 tax office, fill it in and return it      Office can help you with this.

r    Guest Ale
                                                                                                                                 to your tax office and they wil
                                                                                                                                 then refund you the basic rate
                                                                                                                                 tax that y o u r parents have
                                                                                                                                                                           4. Covenants can be drawn up at
                                                                                                                                                                           any time of the year and at any
                                                                                                                                                                           point in the student's course, but
                                                                                                                                 already paid on the moneyu that           for maximum benefit the earlier

WEBSTER'S REAL ALE                                                                                                               you receive under the covenant.
                                                                                                                                    D o not be put off if it sounds
                                                                                                                                                                           the better.
                                                                                                                                                                           5. The covenant can be cancelled
                                                                                                                                complicated and legalistic — we            by mutual consent at any time.
                                                                                                                                have a simple deed of covenant             Want to know more?
                           60p JCR Bar                                                                                          you can copy out and once
                                                                                                                                signed covenants are very simple
                                                                                                                                                                           Call into the Student Services
                                                                                                                                                                           Office, 15 Princes Gardens, any
                                                                                                                                                                           time between 9.30am and 6pm
                               from Monday                                                                                      to administer as the hundreds of
                                                                                                                                s t u d e n t s w h o have a l r e a d y
                                                                                                                                benefited from them can vouch.
                                                                                                                                                                           and we can give you a fact-sheet
                                                                                                                                                                           with all the details you need to

                                       • J a n u a r y 21, 19631
                                                                                                                                                                           mmmmmmmmmt                   felix
Continued from front page

agreed that 'throwing shit does
                                            Sovereign                       New Girl in Student Services
not impress MPs'. Mr Goulder               Switchboard
then wrote to the Constituent
College Unions informing them         The telephone switchboard at the
that in his opinion the battle        Sovereign Hotel has been reconn-
should be discontinued. 'Gone         ected and students can now
are the days when students could      receive incoming calls in their
indulge in organised vandalism',      rooms.
he told FELIX. Mr Goulder has           ' The Sovereign is the smaller of
never taken part in the battle.       the College's two new head
   For the last eight years, teams    tenancies, and its forty eight
from the CCUs have fought for         students, mostly postgraduates,
possession of the Morphy Oar          have been unable to receive
by flinging revolting substances      incoming calls until now. It has
at each other, to the displeasure     taken three months and the
of the local residents of Putney,     combined efforts of Lillian
who would find the remaining          Harrison, the student manager
mess on the tow-path the              of the hotel, and Michael
following morning, This year the      Arthur, the Student Services          The Student Services Office now       working in a school.' Since
RCSU fire-engine, Jez, was used       Officer, to have the system           has a full-time Welfare Advisor,      finishing this course she has been
to hose down the tow-path after       restored.                             a post which has been vacant          unemployed for seven months.
the battle, but the cleaning was          The switchboard was original-     since Sue Telling left in June of        She was described as 'efficient
not as thorough as had been           ly disconnected early last term       last year. She is Karen Stott, and    and hard-working—not at all
hoped.                                by the warden, Andy Walker,           she will be available in the          suitable for the job' by Gary
   Another factor influencing Mr      and the hotel's proprietors, who      Student Services Office to deal       Turner, another Student Serv-
Goulder's decision is the ex-         will pay the hundred pound            with students' pro'blems on           ices employee. (Gary was later
pense to the Union; the event is      reconnection fee.                     private sector accommodation,         described as the 'resident office
funded by ICU Rag, and not by             The hotel now has four lines      grants, social security, and other    slob' by Student Services Officer
the CCUs. Last term £44 was           which wil be operated by the          related matters. Karen has            Michael Arthur.) Karen's first
spent on dustbin lids to be used      residents between 6:00 and            previously had experience of this     impression of the Student
as shields and £300 of damage          10:00pm every evening. The new       type of work when she was             Services office was that it
 was caused to one of the Union       numbers are 01-370 6244/5 and         saobatical Education and Wel-         provides a good service to IC
 vans. In addition, the oar was       01-370 6255/6.                        fare Officer at the University of     students, comparing favourably
 broken and most of it has since                                            Wales at Bangor, where she took       with similar services at Bangor,
 been stolen.                                                               a degree in history.                  Of Imperial College she thought
   The decision to ban the tow-                                                Since leaving there she has         it was 'strange', citing the
 path battle will not affect the                                            completed a one year teacher           male/female ratio and the fact
 rowing which also takes place on
                                        Welfare Officer                     training course at Ormskirk, but      that the College does not play as
 Morphy Day. Plans to move the
 event to Harlington sports
                                        Posts a Brick                       decided early on that she didn't
                                                                            want to become a teacher
                                                                                                                   much of a central role in the
                                                                                                                  social lives of IC students as
 ground are unlikely to go ahead                                             because she 'couldn't stand           might be expected.
 as there is no river there!
                                                                             Pimlico Connects                     roach to learning.
                                                                                                                    The recognition was formally
   NUS Survey of                                                                  Award                           noted at a presentation cere-
                                                                                                                  meny on December 7 at which
    IC Students                                                             The Pimlico Connection Society        Lord Seebohm presented a
                                                                            and the Communication of              certificate to Dr Sinclair Good-
 Imperial College has been                                                  Scientific Ideas Course have          lad and four officers of the
 chosen as one of sixty institutes                                          received joint recognition from       Pimlico Connection. After the
 of higher education to partici-                                            the 'Education for Capability'        presentation they outlined their
 pate in a survey of students'                                              movement of the Royal Society         work and the Department of
 living standards in Britain. The                                           for the Arts. Their joint course is   Humanities' Communication of
 National Union of Students has                                             now one of the few schemes in         Scientific Ideas course to an
 commissioned the survey from                                               the country to have the approval      audience of over two hundred
 the Survey Research Unit at the                                            of the RSA in that it represents a    from the press, education,
 Polytechnic of North London as                                              practical and innovative app-        industry, and commerce.
 part of a review of the present
 system of grants. The results will
 probably influence the NUS's
 response to the government's
 projected student loan scheme.       A group of "financial planners"
   Although Imperial College has      have again been entering the
 not been affiliated to the NUS       halls of residence. They offer
 for five years, the Union has        dubious financial services' and
 agreed to assist in the survey       have in the past caused consider-
 which coincides with one curr-       able nuisance, resulting in their
 ently being organised by the         ejection from the buildings.
 College's External Affairs           Welfare Officer Jon Barnett here
 Committee. Some seventy-five         demonstrates one of the more
                                      effective methods of discouraging
 NUS questionnaires and ISO of
                                      their return - mail then a brick!
 the College's own will be sent to
                                      (using their 'reply paid' post-
 randomly selected students.                                           From left: Gian Carlo, Tony Potter, John Hughes, Jonathan Wheeler.
                                      card, of course)
FELIXI                                                         J a n u a r y 2 1 , 1 9 8 3 • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • M i Page 3
                                                S t u d e n t s ' U n i o n (the R o y a l      Dear Martin,                                 Imperial. However I do feel that
                                                School of Mines Union). This                                                                 the o d d £ 1 0 0 0 here or there
                                                t o o k place i n the I m p e r i a lC C U a c t i v i t i e s have a l w a y s              (which we may never get to hear
                                                College Union building. Mem-         pandered to the whims of the                            about) is too high a price to pay.
                                                bers of the reputedly learned        m o r e i n f a n t i l e s t u d e n t s at            Surely it must be possible for the
                                                institute watched and laughed at     College, but are generally looked                       C C U s to get together and agree
                                                various films of the sexual act      on as fun and fairly harmless.                          some sort of 'code of conduct'
                                                                                     Yet now, surely, the time has
                                                i n c l u d i n g sex w i t h a n i m a l s ,                                                (or s i m i l a r ) to prevent the
                                                sadism, and a man dressed as a       come to look again—in recent                            p o s s i b i l i t y of such wanton
                                                priest. A l s o two strippers        years the good fun has at times                         destruction in the future.
                                                performed lesbian acts on stage.     given way to violence. The most                                                  Yours sincerely,
                                                                                     recent manifestation of this cost
                                                A f t e r w a r d s a few s t u d e n t s                                                                                 Nick Pyne
                                                exposed themselves.                  about £1000 in money that could                         Dear Sir
                                                    Some people will say it is all   have been used for other student                           I, for one, was delighted to
                                                good, harmless fun. T o see or       activities.                                             hear of Barney McCabe's pur-
                                                derive pleasure from the degrad-         I refer to Morphy Day, when                         chase of that infamous baby
                                                ation of other people is seen to     it is 'traditional' to sling shit at                    grand piano from Harrods. But,
                                                be a good laugh. Women are           people from other C C U s and to                        alas, I have only ever played it
 Dear Sir,                                      portrayed as sexual organs to be     attempt to gain possession of the                       twice when the thing has been in
      I am for the rights of the                used and abused. They are seen       Morphy Oar. This year Guilds                            full working order. Firstly, the
 individual. This means that I will             merely as physical entities from     hired one of the Union transit                          pedals came off after having
 try to defend them, as I believe it            which to gain pleasure. Their        vans to use as their getaway                            been on for only a month or two.
 is the right and responsibility of             humanity is i g n o r e d , h u m a nvehicle should they manage to                           This made playing somewhat
 all of us to do so.                            ethics can be forgotten, moral       capture the oar. A l l went well                        difficult without any sustain, but
      We can never isolate ourselves            laws need not be applied. A          until the oar was near said van,                        as this was the only piano in
 from the rest of society; our                  general attitude that in its purest  at w h i c h stage a number of                          College on which all the keys
 rights are all interdependent and              form will lead to rape and crimes    students climbed on top of the                          functioned, I had no choice but
 linked. It is with extreme short-              of sexual violence. A n attitude     van (estimates run as high as 30!)                      to perservere. So, I was some-
 sightedness that people say 'Sod               that undermines all the rights of    and there was something of a                            what d i s m a y e d to f i n d , o n
 the rest, I don't care about their             the individual female as she is      fracas around the back doors.                           attempting to play the piano in
                                                                                         The result was one rear door                        question at the beginning of this
 rights'. We must remember that                  not seen as an individual. This
                                                                                                                                             term that almost all the keys
 rights are our own creation; they              affects a l l women. Indeed it       hinge fractured, another bent, a
                                                                                                                                             were stuck. I was informed that
 require general acceptance and                 affects all individuals. F o r how   rear door dented beyond repair,
                                                                                                                                             the cleaners had been allowed to
 protection by society in order to               can you expect to be treated as     and both light clusters smashed.
                                                                                                                                             clean the piano with water, thus
 exist.                                          and respected as a human being      These repairs and the straighten-
                                                                                                                                             causing the wood to expand and
     The greatest threat to o u r                if you do not do so to others?       ing of the other back door were
                                                                                                                                             the keys to stick. Is this any way
 'freedoms' comes from the lack                  How can you expect your rights       undertaken at an estimated cost
                                                                                                                                             to look after a £2000 piano? It
 of respect to the individual as a               to be acknowledged and defend-       of £300. Certain other repairs
                                                                                                                                             seems a bit of a waste of Union
 result of degrading him/her into                ed if you do not do so to others?    were not done—the straightening                        money.                             Yours
 m i n d l e s s c o m p o n e n t s o f an      How can you expect to live i n a     of dents in the roof and the                                                  Guy Riddihough
 entity or label. We can so easily              just and 'free' society when your     replacement of the bonnet (both                                                     Biochem 2
 group together individuals under                actions lead to injustice and the    o f w h i c h w o u l d have been
 a simple label, and talk of the                                                      required to return the van to its
                                                 e r o s i o n or s u p p r e s s i o n of                                                   Dear Sir
 label as i f it c o u l d have an               'freedoms'?                          previous state) were not worth it.                        On a number of occasions this
 opinion, a character, a personal-                   I am by no means a saint; I          The p r o b l e m s , however,                     year I have walked into the
 ity. In doing so the members of                 am as m u c h a p a r t o f the      didn't stop there. The van was                         Union Bar and found the bar
 the group become a homogeneity;                 problem as those who watched         due to be sold (it was suggested                       staff easily outnumbering the
 the fact that they act and think                the film. But we must begin          to Silwood Park) to allow I C U                        customers. The fact is students
 as individuals is ignored. Yet our              somewhere; we must try, and try      T r a n s p o r t to b u y t w o new                   at IC can no l o n g c afford to
 very humanity is about this                     with hope in our hearts. We          Transit vans, and it was hoped                         drink enough to forget the lack
 beautiful individuality. Each of                must not be disillusioned with       to r a i s e £ 1 0 0 0 by the sale                     of women. It seems to me that
 our minds is a fantastic library                the enormity or so-called im-        (although a more realistic                             this underhand policy of the
 of experiences, pictures, inform-               practicality of the task, for in the estimate was £750). The van is                         C o l l e g e h i e r a r c h y to k e e p
 a t i o n a n d h i s t o r y ; we c a n        end if we do not hope and try if     now practically worthless (estim-                      students sober can only lead to
 understand, argue, believe, love,               we distance ourselves and forget     ated value of £300). Suggestions                       frustration and the unsuspecting
 and hate. This is our humanity.                                                      that Guilds might buy the van                          student will be driven to pur-
                                                 our responsibilities, the future
                                                                                      for £700 or that it should be sold                     s u i n g his a c a d e m i c w o r k to
     Once you forget the individual              for us and our families will be
                                                                                                                                             further the name of IC and at the
 then y o u forget the h u m a n                 very bleak.                          have the same effect—a further
                                                                                                                                             detriment of social life within the
 being. Y o u will not be violating                  I ask you as individuals to do    net loss of income of between
                                                                                                                                             C o l l e g e . H o w l o n g can this
 the rights of human beings; you                 y o u r utmost to brighten our       £450-£700 distributed among the
                                                                                                                                             policy go on? W i l l the I C student
 w i l l not be k i l l i n g , r a p i n g ,    future, to defend ourselves, and      various students' unions.
                                                                                                                                             stay b l i n d to the oppressive
 torturing, robbing, or sentencing               our children. Let our voices and         F u r t h e r m o r e , a van h i r e d
                                                                                                                                             dictator? Join the protest against
 to death human beings. N o , we                  moral actions be the sword of        from Swan National by R S M U
                                                                                                                                             academic excellence. Be in the
 merely become labels, we be-                    justice and righteousness.            also suffered damage to rear                          Union Bar 7 nights a week 6pm
 come a creature created by the                                                        d o o r s a n d hinges w h i c h , i f
                                                                          Yours sincerely,                                                   to 11pm. Drink until you puke
 mind, part of a nightmare of                                    Michael Paul Newman   nothing else, cost a great deal of                    and then drink again. If the
 mass graves, of tattooed arms,                                                        good will with a company
                                                                          Life Sciences 1                                                    Union is full drink in Harry's.
 gas chambers and statistics. So                                                       regularly used by R C C and A C C                     Take no chances, carry a bottle
 many people argue about the                    copies of this letter have been sent clubs for transport.                                    of whisky in case you wind up
 'real world' in terms, not of                  to:                                       I do not wish to suggest that                       sober at midnight and if your
 human beings, but labels.                      Margaret Thatcher                      these ' t r a d i t i o n a l ' a c t i v i t i e s    bank manager complains, hit
     At Imperial College of Science             Michael Foot                           should be stopped—I feel that                          him on the head with the empty
 and T e c h n o l o g y on Tuesday             Mary Whitehouse                        for most p a r t i c i p a n t s these                 bottle.                 Yours faithfully
 December 14, a large group of                  Lord Flowers                           events are great fun and certain-
 students took part in an event                 The Observer                           ly provide a welcome change                                                     Chris Boyd
 o r g a n i s e d by a C o n s t i t u e n t   The Grauniad                           from the pressure of work at                                                     Physics 3

Page 41                                                                        J a n u a r y 21,1983                                                                          FELIX
             More Southside Gripes                                                                                                                            students have s h o w n some
   This week the windows are due                                                                                                                              interest in the jobs of What's O n
   to be cleaned in Southside, and

                                                                                                                                                              Coordinator and Staff Photo-
   notes have been posted around                                                                                                                              grapher, advertised last week,
  the place asking the residents to                                                                                                                           the posts have not been finally
  clear the window seats and to                                                                                                                               allocated yet, Anyone interested
  lock all their personal possess-                                                                                                                            in any of the three jobs should
  ions in their wardrobes. Leaving
                                                                                                                                                              see me in the F E L I X Office as
  aside the fact that most people
                                                                                                                                                              soon as possible.
  have already filled their ward-                 rooms unlocked, it's a bit daft to
  robes with clothes, couldn't the                                                                           of liaison between the C C U s .                         Impossible Without
                                                  actually advertise that they will                          F o r those of you on the horns of              E v e r y o n e w h o has w o r k e d
  m a s s i v e i n c o n v e n i e n c e have
                                                  be left open by posting a note up                          a dilemma over which to attend,                 especially hard in the absence of
  been avoided by cleaning the
                                                  in all the halls. D o you imagine                          I could offer some advice, but in               M a z F e l l o w s , the t y p e s e t t e r
  windows two weeks ago, during
                                                  it was coincidence that it was                             fairness t o R C S I suppose I                  operator, who has flu. Thanks i n
  the vacation, when there were
                                                  this week that an undesirable                              ought not to.                                   p a r t i c u l a r to H u g h Sout he y,
  very few people in residence?
                                                  character was caught visiting                                      Advertising Manager                     M a r k Smith, Ramzi Shammas,
  S t i l l , students' convenience
                                                  every room in Southside?                                   Nick Thexton feels that he can                  Paul Simion, Martin Taylor,
  doesn't count for much these
  days.                                                    Clash of Events                                   no longer continue as F E L I X                 A d r i a n James, Petra Barry,
                                                  R C S secretary Chas Fuller has                            Advertising Manager because of                  Peter Hobbis, Nick Pyne, Jon
    Nevertheless, there is an even                excelled even himself in arrang-                           pressure o f w o r k . T h i s j o b            Barnett, M a r k S m i t h , D i a n e
  more incredible aspect o f the                  ing the R C S annual dinner on                             involves writing to large com-                  Love, Chris Mallaband, T i m
  window cleaning: it was stated                  the same day as Guilds' Dinner                             panies, visiting local shops and                Noyce, Walkabout-Looksee,
  on the circular that rooms would                and Dance. Considering these                               restaurants, and u s i n g any                  Pinocchio, Richard Archer, Lee
  occasionally be left unlocked.                  are two of the most important                                                                              Paddon, Nick Bedding, and Pete
                                                                                                             method possible to get p a i d
  After all the ballyhoo about how                social events in the calendar, one                                                                         the Print.
                                                                                                             adverts for F E L I X .
  important it is never to leave                  might have expected some sort                                 Also, although a couple of                                         Martin S Taylor

         IIIIIIIIl i                                                                                          i iiiii i          i i i i i i i i i i i i ii i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i
   i • • i i i i i i"i i i"i                                                                                   U J J J J J                 I I I I I I LI iI I I iI I~I"I~I"I"I"I~I"I~I"I~I"I I
                                                                                                                                                             II              -
                                                                                                                       i iiiiii i                          I_I_I_I_I I"I i i " r r i " V i " i i i t
                                                                                                                                           i ii i
                                                                                                              'J j j j j j i i i i i i i i i i i I i i r f • 111 1111                         111
   ,   ,   i   i
 _ _ _ _C ~ " ~ ~'" ~I~I
                   ,   I   |-|   I

     I ' M G L A D T O see the silly
  season is well under way, with                                                                               A FAIRLY STANDARD
  Union officers posting bricks,                                                                            project for graphic designers is
  w i l d a n i m a l s r o a m i n g the                                                                   to p r o d u c e a s y m b o l f o r a
  corridors of power, and so on,                                                                            lavatory door which will indicate
                                                 they w i l l w r i t e t o t h i s g i r l
  and so forth. Even arch-loony                                                                             to p e r s o n s s p e a k i n g m a n y
                                                 inviting her to lecture on 'The
 Nick Gardner has been doing his
                                                 Humorous Aspects of Combine                                languages a n d none that the
 bit. F o r those of you who aren't
                                                 Harvesting'.                                               room is for gentlemen only. New
 acquainted with this extraordin-
                                                                                                            signs have recently been fitted to
 ary character, he is a middle-
                                                                                                            the lavatories i n C h e m E n g ,
 aged, fairly well-dressed gentle-
                                                 IT W A S I N the Christmas issue                           which not only convey this fact,
 man who used to hang around
                                                 of F E L I X that the following                            but also portray with startling
 the U n i o n bar ( u n t i l he was
                                                 small ad appeared:                                         directness just what the gentle-
 banned by Stephen Goulder)
 a n d o n occasion a r o u n d the                                                                         men are supposed to use the
 more 'sensitive' areas oi College                                                                          room for. One can only wonder
 (until he was banned by John                                                                               what the sign on the ladies' loo is
                                                 trance, 2:30pm, Wednesdays, o r
 Smith).                                         8 : 0 0 p m r o u n d m y p l a c e . K e v the S e c .    like!
                                                 • E T — W h y b o t h e r to see the film w h e n
     A s i f this u n i q u e d o u b l e        y o u c a n c o m e to the lect ures !
                                                 • A l a n Pearaokn, O A P , S O A X ; Merry
  wasn't enough to establish his                 C h r i s t m a s from j o e , R o g e r a n d L u k e .
  credentials as a bit of a nutcase,
  he went on to fall hopelessly in
  love with the nearest woman to
 h a n d , wh o h a p p e n e d t o be
                                                     Since then, students of no less
 C a r o l i n e G o d i n , last y e a r ' s
                                                  than five different disciplines
 F E L I X business manager. Nick
                                                  have assured me that it must
 took great pride in presenting his
                                                  have referred to Professor So-
 inamorata with a wide assort-
                                                 and-so of their department, who
 ment of surprise presents: not
                                                 l o o k s exactly l i k e E T . I ' m
 flowers, or chocolates, or
                                                 intrigued by this: is I C really
 anything so utterly convention-
                                                 crawling with dozens of replicas
 al, but an ashtray, ~ j . ; i r o f
                                                 of the wrinkled little alien, all of
 secateurs, and an ironing board
                                                 them masquerading as doddery
 cover. A l l useful and generous
                                                 professors? S h o u l d Steven
gifts, to be sure, but not quite the
                                                 Spielberg make E T 2 at Imperial,
accepted route to a girl's heart.
                                                 thereby saving his special effects
    Anyway, all this happened last               team m i l l i o n s o f dollars? I ' l l
year, and Nick has been absent                   offer a Jingles haircut voucher to
from I C for a while. Last week,                 anyone who sends information
though, he put in a reappearance                 (preferably a photograph) of any
to see some old friends i n the                  member o f I C staff who bears
H G Wells Society. He has                        reasonable resemblance to the
a c q u i r ed a new g i r l f r i e n d i n     film star, and I'll print the best in
C z e c h o s l o v a k i a , a n d he has       a few weeks' time.
asked the officers of Wellsoc if

FELIXI                                                                               I J a n u a r y 21, 19831                                                                                 I Page5
                                               ICLUBS & SOCIETIES!
                                                        New B o o k s
                                                        Portable Shakespeare—Peguin £3.50
       Bookshop                                 i |     Five Day Course in Thinking—Edward de                           Deb                  Soc
From January 31, it will be compulsory to wear          Bono—Pelican £2.50
seat belts, for. those of you with a nervous            Ciw'/i'sarion—Kenneth Clark—Pelican £1.95
disposition, we now have in stock "The Ruck             Asimov's Guide to Science—Pelican £2.95                  We meet every Wednesday lunchtime in the
Zuck Seat Belt Cutter", price £2.50. This is            Adventures with Your Pocket Calculator—              U n i o n Upper Lounge where we indulge
supplied with a pouch which can be fixed                Rade and Kaufman—Pelican 1.25                        in. debating (plus frequent free sherry
behind the sun visor.                                   Way of Zen—Alan Watts—Pelican £1.75                  as an added inducement to join). Debates are
   When people pay by cheque, we ask for the            Zen Flesh Zen Bones—Paul Reps—Pelican                usually fairly informal and sometimes even
cheque card number to ensure that in case of            £1.95                                                F U N . Any member can propose a motion, so
difficulty, we do get our money. We ask for the         International Thesaurus of      Quotations-          long as he or she can find 2 people to speak for
Department and year so that if the cheque is            Penguin £5.95                                        it and 2 against, so if you have any views you
made out incorrectly, we can either phone or            Crown Jewel—Ralph de Boissiere—Picador               want to air, this is the place to do it. Or maybe
use the internal mail to contact them, thereby          £2.75                                                you just like listening other people doing it and
saving a lot of unnecessary hassle. So, please          Visitants—Ralph Stow—Picador £1.95                   asking them embarrassing questions after-
cooperate.                                              Exotic Pleasures—Peter Carey—Picador                 wards. Whatever your preferences Debsoc is
                                                        £1.95                                                the society for you.
                                                        Innocent Erendira—Gabriel Garcia Marquez                 Now that you've heard (OK read) the word,
                                                        —Picador £1.95                                       why not come to a meeting and see it in use?
                                                        Unreliable Memoirs—Clive James—Picador               Or contact Jonathan Smith, Physics 2 via
        M O P S O C                                     £1.95
                                                        Tokyo-Montana     Express—Richard    Brau-
                                                                                                             letter racks or our Venerable Holder of the
                                                                                                             Word (no less), Debsoc Chairman Chris Day
 M O P S O C has joined the Royal Institution of        tigan—Picador £2.50                                  via chemistry letter racks.
 Great Britain. This gives Mopsoc members a             Crying of Lot 49-Thomas Pynchon-Picador                         Meanwhile, Spread The Word.
 unique chance of experiencing the atmosphere           £1.75
 of the Christmas Lectures venue. Tickets are           The Hard Life—Flann O'Brien—Picador £1.50
 available from Jon Frost, Physics 3 for the            The Price was High—F. Scott Fitzgerald-
 coming Friday evening discourses, which are            Picador £2.95
 held at 9pm at A l b e r m a r l e S t r e e t , off   Door Marked Summer—Michael Bentine—
 Piccadilly.                                            Granada £1.95                                                  Soc                 Soc
    L u n c h t i m e lectures this term include        Captains & the Kings—Jennifer Johnston
 Catastrophe Theory from Professor Chris                —Fontana £1.50
 Zeeman and the Fundemental Constants of                March to the Monteria—B. Traven—Allison &            I see a spectrum of ideas in socialism today.
 Physics by Dr Paul Dean, Director of the               Busby £2.95                                          There are many 'colours' of socialism
 National Physical Laboratory.                          The Poorhouse Fair—John Updike—Penguin                  Supporters of Soc Soc may be one of these
    There will be a visit behind the scenes at the      £1.75                                                colours or a combination of many. But
 Barbican Centre on 26 Jan and to a local               Dianetics—Ron Hubbard—New Era Publicat-              whatever colour of socialist you are, you are
 telephone exchange on 9 Feb. Membership is             ions £2.95                                           always welcome to join us. In Soc Soc we try to
 50p for the rest of the year.                                                                               encompass the whole range of socialism.
                                                        Some Experiences & Further Experiences of
                                                        an Irish RM— Somerville & Ross—Dent £2.50               For example on Tuesday we have a speaker
                                                        Modern Astronomy—Robbins and Hemenway                from the British Association for Responsibility
                                                        —Texas Press £13.10                                  in Science to talk on the title "IQ, Eugenics and
                                                        Craft of Macrame—Helene Bress—SCIBNER                Racism". This is not aimed at any particular
                                                        £4.50                                                group but open to all. See you there!

 Just a couple of dates for your diary this week;
 there's a Finance Gen Comm on Monday Jan
 24, to which all club treasurers must come if
 they want to be in with a chance of any funds                                                                           S T O I C
 next year.
    Then, of course, there's Mines Review, in
 true Mines tradition, next Friday, 28 Jan.                              £33—aL^                             Greetings book lovers everywhere! No, don't
 Music, films etc.                                                                                           turn the page in disgust thinking this is one of
    On the Rag front, there will be a Rag Mag           Yes, I know it's a bit late, but Happy New Year      those long, tedious and ever so cliquey
 trip to Newcastle, crash pad provided by the           in any case. The big event of this term is the       "Bookshop News" articles. Far be it from
 Students' Union for Saturday night, sign list          Annual Dinner on Feb 4—tickets are available         STOIC to waste whole third of the clubs and
 outside G.20 where you'll find details.                from social reps and the Union Office. It is         societies page by listing the titles of the
                                                        being held at the International Hotel, Cromwell      recommended texts for the second year
                                                        Road so there will be decent food. On the            applied and theoretical quantum dysenter-
                                                        subject of (non) decent food, refunds (about         iorology course option (by the way there are
                                                        £1) will be available on Monday and Tuesday          fourty eight copies of last year's text book in
                                                        lunchtime at the office for everybody who went       stock at present, but if your table is really
                                                                                                             wobbly then more can be ordered if you see
                                                        to the Physics Freshers' Dinner. If you can
 A big " H i " to everybody out there. The fancy                                                             the one with the medallion after work). Mr
                                                        possibly take your dinner ticket along with you
 d r e s s d i s c o was a great s u c c e s s last                                                          Hicks asked us to tell the anonymous librarian
 Friday—thank you to all those of you that              to claim your refund it will speed up the
                                                                                                             that she had better re-issue the second edition
 turned out.                                            administration.                                      before the cleaner discovers the mop is
     Last Saturday "Hit Squad" went out on the             This term heralds Rag Week. RCS will again        broken!!
 streets and collected £35 for rag. Given a few         be running 'a million plus one' down darts on
                                                        the first weekend (18-20 Feb) so if you want            Following the return of the questionairre
 more collectors this could have been a much
                                                        to play, see Ian Thomas, Physics 1. More             we issued with the FELIX of two weeks ago, •
 l a r g e r figure, but e v e r y b o d y enjoyed
                                                        importantly sponsors are needed—all you              we handed over the answers to the Computer
                                                        need to do is guess how many darts will be           Centre and 360 c.p.u. seconds later they came
     Coming events are:                                                                                      up with a sure-fire way to increase our already
 1. Guilds Rugby Sevens on Saturday—meet                thrown by the winning team; entry fee lOp,
                                                        prize 10% of the takings. Also in Rag Week the       considerable audience:infimic/cm'on.
 9.15 am at Beit Arch.
                                                        S m o k i n g C o n c e r t , our illustrious Ents      So watch STOIC or we send the boys
 2. G u i l d s M o t o r C l u b Autotest also on
                                                        Chairman Eric needs sketches, so if you've           round. Our detector vans will be in your area
 Sunday—starts 9.00am in the H zone car park.
                                                        always wanted to be on the stage see him.            soon, on the lookout for the tell tale pallid
 3. Ice skating next Tuesday—meet 6.30pm in                                                                  complexion, warts, bloodshot eyes and blank
 the Union Bar/Beit Quad.                                  Hope to see you all at Harlington on Sunday
                                                        for the Soccer 6's (who knows, even I may be         expression that prove you are not watching
      Hope to see you at these. Meanwhile watch                                                              enough STOIC. Or maybe it just proves you're
 out for our over zealous police force. Esp-            playing!) if not there's a barnight in the Union
                                                        Bar afterwards.                                      at IC. Over to you Roy.
 ecially if you are in a mini!
                                  Cheers,Mark Harris                                                 Fiona
Page 61                                                             I J a n u a r y 21,19831                                                              I FELIX
The Dinner for Two Club is an interesting and
unusual concept in eating out—particularly for
the real restaurant addict.
   The idea is that you buy a membership card
from the Club which lasts for a year and
entitles you to two free meals in each of sixty
restaurants, or, in other words, you can get
120 free meals for £28.75 (the cost of the card).
The snag is that you need to go with at least
one other person who pays for their own meal,
in full. Also you have to pay for drinks, any
cover charge and service charge.
    In effect it means a significant reduction in       One might wonder what the restauranteurs           Nevertheless you can .expect to get away
the bill although since you only get one free        get out of this. Apparently they feel that it is   with a bill for around £16—£20 for two — with
meal irrespective of the size of your party          worth it to get new customers and hope that it     wine — in most of the restaurants listed.
maximum benefits are achieved by eating out          will bring further recommendations.                   Since it would be virtually impossible to eat
as a twosome.                                                                                           out 120 times in one year the large number of
                                                       As with most things there are a number of
    The main advantage of having the card is         disadvantages; some of the s u b s c r i b i n g   restaurants is more useful in terms of choice
that you can then afford to eat in places which      restaurants drop out of tht scheme and the         than in working out how much money you can
you might not even think of trying.                  Club does not have a very efficient system for     make with the card. However, you only need
    With your card you get a directory in wallet     notifying members. This means that you could       to use the card three or four times to recover
sized folder containing brief details of the sixty   go to a restaurant, eat a mammoth meal,            the £28.50 that it costs.
restaurants and giving an average cost for two       hand over your card and be met with blank            Unless you are fairly keen on eating out, the
with the card, exclusive of wine.                    looks and a demand for the full whack or           Dinner for Two Club is not really a sensible
   These costs vary from £12 for two (ie £6 for      services in the washing up department. This        investement. If, on the other hand, it is
two with the card) for a Turkish restaurant in       can be overcome by checking when you book          something that you do regularly, then it is well
Mayfair to around £30 for two in some of the         or asking 'when you first go in.                   worth considering.
more expensive ones. On average, the figure is                                                          Further details can be obtained from:
a r o u n d £ 2 0 . J u s t about every k i n d of      Another point to remember is that drinks        Dinner for Two Club,
restaurant imaginable is represented and             tend to be expensive in good restaurants and       24 Curzon Street,
almost all are situated within a couple of miles     that cover charges and high service charges        London W1X 7AE.
of College.                                          are the general rule.                              Tel: 449 7722

                                                                                                                              fuE/rs Co B c ^ T J


                                                              J a n u a r y 21,19831                                                           IPage7
    Eating Raoui(18) directed by Paul Bartel,
     now showing at The Gate Notting Hill and
    The Classic Oxford Street.
       Spanning the yawning gap between tasteless
    farce and pointed satire, Eating Raoul is a
    difficult film to categorize.
       Bartel (a Corman stable director whose
    surprise hit was Death Race 2000) stars as
    Paul Bland, an extremely prissy middle aged
    man who, along with his equally reserved wife
    Mary, dreams of opening his own high class
    restaurant. The problem is that they need to
  'raise money quickly to escape from torment in
   an apartment block infested with partying
    'swingers' whose morals they detest. After
   being ripped off and abused they hit upon a
    novel scheme to make easy money; by luring
   swingers to their room with a tempting ad in
    the local perv's column and then bashing them
   ever so neatly with Paul's frying pan, they
   discover that they can unload their fat wallets.
       This, of course, gives Bartel the excuse to
   include some hilarious bedroom scenes with
   various weirdos acting out their bizarre
                                                            Paul and Mary Bland discover the means to achieve their dream. The unsung star of the
   fantasies before being bopped at the crucial             film is a large, black frying-pan (bottom left).
   momeVit. When a handsome hustler, Raoul,
   discovers their scheme he offers to dispose of       It does prove to be a pleasing black comedy,       parodying a sex farce (to good effect) but
   the bodies, but soon things start to go wrong.       with a good performance by Bartel and Mary         ignores a wealth of opportunities for some
       Eating Raoul definitely has an air of its own.   Woronov as the happy couple, but the visual        good, sick jokes. Still, a bit of a laugh and
   Whether it is a comment on modern-day                gags in no way make up for the absence of          interesting too.
   America or just a clever farce isn't important.      witty dialogue. The film relies far too much on                                      MarK Smitt-

                 Friday January 28th
        Southside Bar
     1st Birthday Party                                                                Annual                               Dinner
                                                                                                          to   be   held     at

      Discounts                on       certain               drinks
                                                                                 London International
             Sam           Smith s  9
                                                        O.B.B.                          Hotel
                 Merrydown                          Cider                                                           on

                       Friday, February 4th
  Live band-McCabe's Trio
                                                                                                     Four course meal
                                                                                                         wine, port
       Southside                is now            serving            a
   complete                range          of              Merrydown                                    bar until lam
                                                                                 Tickets            £11.50,              available             from
                                                                                Soc        Reps           or    the        RCSU               Office
Page 81                                                          I J a n u a r y 21, 19831                                                     IFELIX
                   A FILM B YILMAZ GUNEY

                       THE W A Y
      YOL (15) a Yilmaz Guney film directed by
      Serif G o r e n , now showing exclusively at
      the Lumiere Cinema, St. Martin's Lane.
       YOL may strike you as a bit of a daft name for
      a film, sounding more like a Scandanavian
      navvy than a Turkish word meaning 'the way'
      (a reference to a journey or route through life
      in this case). It turns out to be a surprisingly
      well made film which shared the top award at
      Cannes last year with Costa-Gavras' impress-
      ive Missing.
         YOL tells the story of five prisoners who are
      given a weeks parole from their island prison.
      The film opens in the said institution, which is
     rather relaxed and not a bit like the home for
      defeated cons shown in A l a n P a r k e r ' s
     Midnight Express. But their joy at release is
     soon dampened by the harsh realitie.- of life in
     modern day Turkey. Through a series of
     episodes each prisoner's story is revealed with
     an ease which betrays the experience of the
     film's creator, Yilmaz Guney. This remarkable
     man has fpent mosi of the last 20 years in a
     Turkish prison, but has still managed to
     produce a long list of films by virtually directing
     from his cell. Visitors showed him sketches                                                             Seyit bids a tearful farewell to his son in YOL,
                                                           at his hands. To do this he travels to the        but his return to the island prison is left in
     and stills from the scenes and he even
                                                           isolated mountain village in north-east Turkey    doubt.
     rt-hearsed ac.ors and edited from r: shes. He
                                                           where her family have imprisoned her, chained
     finally escaped to Paris ir 1981 to edit VOL,
                                                           and unwashed, for eight months. T o r n
     ?';er :;*•:«• hope in eve: having ftvedom in
                                                           between rage and pity he finds himself
                                                           suspended between ancient customs and
        One of the prisoners travels to Kurdistan
     where rebels continually raid from nearby
     Syria. His fat is soon decided for him by a
                                                           human compassion.
                                                              All of these scenes blend together to give a
                                                                                                                      Still Waters
                                                           powerful and ironic message; each man finds
     combination, c external forte and he does             himself imprisoned just a much in the outside
     not return to nis jail.                                                                                   Muddy River, directed by Kohei O z u r i ,
                                                           world, trapped between outdated customs and
        Another       ;t face trie reality of his crime                                                        Japenese dialogue, English subtitles. N o w
                                                           restrictive authorities. We also see a range of
     and admit he was responsible for the death of                                                             showing at the Paris Pullman.
                                                           breathtaking images of Turkey, from crowded
     his brother-in-law. This leads to him regaining       cities to snow covered mountains, all used to          If your only experience of Japan is watching
     his estrnnoei.1 wife, but with tragic conseq-         quite stunning effect.                              Shogun on the telly, then your view of Japan
     uences                                                                                                    may well be that it was all wooden-and-paper
                                                              So overall YOL is a pleasant surprise which,     houses, picturesque gardens and sullen
         The nict! r romp'ate story is that of Seyit,      despite its tragic story, remains inspirational
     which dominates tne latter halt ot the film and                                                           samurai until someone invented the micro-
                                                           rather than depressing. It kept my full             chip and the economy car, when overnight it
     is genuinely moving. He returns home to               attention throughout and is recommended as a
      Jiscovcr that his wife has committed a;                                                                  was transformed into teeming cities and
                                                           very interesting and entertaining picture.          gleaming office blocks.
     unforgiveable crime and must, by tradition, die
                                                                                              Mark Smith          T h i s film is set be t we en these two
                                                                                                              periods—in 1956, after our transatlantic
                                                                                                              cousins had spent a few years setting fire to
                                                                                                              every wooden-and-paper city they could lay
                                                                                                              their hands on and before they started buying
                                                                                                              every Datsun and electronic gadget they
                                                                                                                  What we see is a desolate landscape with a
                                                                                                              poor country struggling to rebuild itself after
                                                                                                              defeat, humiliation and devastation. The war is
                                                                                                              still a fresh wound in the minds of the men who
                                                                                                              vividly remember their fallen comrades, and
                                                                                                              many wish they had fallen in battle with their
                                                                                                              samurai pride in tact, rather than suffer the
                                                                                                             degradation of trying to scrape a living in a
                                                                                                              time of peace.
                                                                                                                 But this film is not about war or the old
                                                                                                             warriors. It is about a friendship between two
                                                                                                             nine year old boys. The Muddy River of the
                                                                                                             title is an allegory. Nobuo's parents own a
                                                                                                             restaurant on a river. Kuchi lives on a boat
                                                                                                             with his mother and sister, which one day ties
                                                                                                             up on the opposite bank of the river.
                                                                                                                 The Muddy River also stands for the 'River
                                                                                                             of Life'. At its source, birth, it is clean and
                                                                                                             pure. But, as it is sullied by its environment, it
                                                                                                             widens, flows slower and the issues are no
                                                                                                             longer clear but cloudy. There are no rights or
                                                                                                             wrongs, there are just grey areas. Yet the film
I      r
     F om left                     Nobuo and Kiichi (a new Triple act to rival the Marx Brothers)                                  Continued on next page
    FEuxaa                                                          i J a n u a r y 21, 19831                • • • • • • • • • • • 9 1 Page
                                                                                                            Continued from previous page
                                                                                                             is not without hope. This mud is the essence of
                                                                                                             life, the all pervading medium of our everyday
                                                                                                                 The photography is attractive with the black
                                                                                                             and white washed out look capturing the
                                                                                                             somewhat mournful mood of the picture. The
                                                                                                             use of standard rather than any of the scope
                                                                                                             formats is unusual but effective. I have long felt
                                                                                                             that 'scope's wide screen is a drawback, as it
                                                                                                             disperses the attention of the viewer with vital
                                                                                                             things happening in the periphery of vision.
                                                                                                              Obviously it is harder for the Director to cram
                                                                                                              into the frame all he wants without losing it in
                                                                                                              the distance, but it is often worth the effort.
                                                                                                                 Minoru Sakurai turns in a fine performance
                                                                                                              as Kuchi, the self reliant outcast, and Takahiro
                                                                                                              Tamura, Nobuo's father plays the part of the
                                                                                                              wistful, bitter war veteran with great prescence
                                                                                                              However, Nobuo himse:             his mother are
                                                                                                            •somewhat embarrass nt • i u....'h and the film
                                                                                                              seemed to drag a bit in piaces. Whether it was
                                                                                                              the well-upholstered chairs of the Bijou
                                                                                                              Theatre or too many after film booze ups that
                                                                                                              caused resonant snoring to echo from one part
                                                                                                              of the cinema after an hour or so is open to
                                                                                                                  Muddy River is playing in a double bill with
                                                                                                               The Spirit of the Beehive, a Spanish film about
                                                                                                              a girl who believes in Frankenstein's monster.
                                                                                                               Altogether a very interesting double bill, but,
                                                                                                               running for nearly three hours, it is only for the
                                                                                                               true afficianado.
 Steven Berkoff demonstrating his potential in Decadence (or is he just boasting?). Linda                                                         Lee Paddon
 Marlowe (picking teeth) and a sofa (reclining) complete the scene.

                                                    good at doing posh accents) but his physical
                                                    mannerisms and gymnastics on stage. He is                   WALKABOUT-
Decadent Class?                                     superb at mime — he is Parisien trained — and
                                                    as the evening wears on the acrobatics
                                                    become more and more energetic. If nothing
Decadence w r i t t e n a n d d i r e c t e d by    else, his part is a physical tour de force.
                                                       A l t h o u g h we ' s e e ' the c o u p l e at an
                                                                                                                by Mobile Optics Inc.
Steven Berkoff, A r t s Theatre.
S t e v e n B e r k o f f ' s play Decadence is a   expensive restaurant, the opera and other
merciless onslaught on the English ruling or        haunts of the 'idle rich' the stage is adorned
upper classes, "so called by virtue of              throughout with no more than a sofa and a                 What does lVa//cabouf-Loolcsee do after
strangulated vowel tones rather than any real       tulip in a vase. But Mr Berkoff does the most           galleries etc. have closed? Well iherp ate
achievement." Mr Berkoff has written many           strange things with the sofa. The most strange          alternative visual e x p e r i e n c e ..actually'
other plays for The London Theatre Group            things indeed. Mr Berkoff fondles it, he makes          "alternative vis. exp." probabk describe |         8

which he formed in 1972. Among these are            love on it, he makes love to it, he tells rude          Laserium quite well.
Metamorphosis and The Trial (after Kafka),          stories on it, he throws up on it, he empties his
Macbeth, Hamlet, Miss Julie (after Strindberg)      bowels on it and clambers around on it like an              The blurb on the glossy little pamphlet is
The Fall of the House of Usher, Agamemnon           orang-utang in a cage. This is decadence of the          typically uninformative in a geewhizz-fantastic
(after /Eschylus) and Creek and Decadence           most animal kind, and this is Mr Berkoff' idea                                           pl
                                                                                                             glossy-pamphlet style. "200 watts of .sound
which have toured the world to critical             of upper class behaviour, what all the Lords             from 12 high power speakers and the mo.-.? j
acclaim. He has also appeared in many films         and Ladies in the land are doing. All the Lords          advanced (? er, \ watt I krypton gas laser

and is co-starring in Roger Moore's latest Bond     and Ladies? Does Lord Flowers indulge in this            combine to create a breath taking display ol
film to be rehearsed in June.                       kind of thing? Of course not. Then what is Mr            multi-coloured pulsaiing images". Try not to
                                                     Berkoff trying to say? I don't know. If it is a         let that put you off! The lasenst is a great guy,
    Decadence has a cast of two: the writer         generalisation then few people will be fooled.
himself and Linda Marlowe, a founder member                                                                  friendly and laid back, and his introduction to
                                                    All generalisations are dangerous and this is             the show is entertainment in its own right —
and co-writer of the original "Sadista Sisters"     one of them. Of course, most of us are guilty of
rock group, with many T V appearances to her                                                                 durii.g the you can't eat. can't
                                                    making them from time to time, and people are            drink, can't smoke and can't toke...but i
credit. According to my press notices, Mr           also making them of us. In East Germany the
Berkoff has for ten years "been mounting a                                                                    other than that teel free!
                                                    authorities issue lists of approved terms for the
scathing assault on English Society." And           popular press to use when describing other
Decadence, judging my the finished product,                                                                  Laserium
                                                    nationalities. The officially approved terms for            Coherent light, as in lasers, is very beautiful.
must be Berkoff's last desperate measure, the       the British run as follows: paralytic syco-
ace up the sleeve, the weapon to end all                                                                     The beam is so intense and so concentrated
                                                    phants, effete betrayors of humanity, carrion            that the quality of red, blue green and yellow is
weapons, the spectacularly bloody revenge,          eating servile imitators, arch cowards and
because Decadence is desperate and totally                                                                   unlike that from any other source of primary
                                                    collaborators, gang of women murderers,                  colour. The concert part includes tracks by
uncompromising. There is no plot as such. Mr        degenerate rabble, parasitic traditionalists,
Berkoff and Ms Marlowe play two upper class                                                                  Pink Floyd, The Who, Jimi Hendrix and Elvis
                                                    playboy soldiers andf conceited dandies.                 Costello, but 1 found mysell so hooked by the
adulterers but we are treated to a positive but     Sounds familiar?
 humerous cry of exaggeration. The two blue                                                                  lights that 1 just let the sound wash over. The
stockings seem to be in perpetual orbit around        The social comment there is in Decadence               show takes place in the hemispherical dome of
sex, gluttony, alcohol, sex, boredom, childish      is r a t h e r s n o w e d under by the gross            the London Planetarium, some numbers
games and more sex. The caricatures                 characterisation. Be that as it may, the                 against a backdrop of starry sky, some in pitch
portrayed are monstrously exaggerated. It is        production is still funny, rather shocking (and          darkness. The images have texture: sharp
 Gargantua and Pantagruel gone mad (with            often downright vulgar—keep granny well                  edges soften and solid shapes dissolve into
Monsieur Rabelais turning in his grave).            away) and although it is not the sort of thing           diaphanous gauze. They also have scale: a
                                                    that would have universal appeal, there are              homely gas jet the other side of the kitchen,
   Berkoff assembles the whole range of                                                                      explodes into a 'Close Encounters' spaceship
stereotypes into one person, but it is not so       bound to be some who think highly of it.
much what he says that is funny (he's not very                                        Nick Bedding

Page 101                                                         I J a n u a r y 21,19831                                                                  I FELIX
                                                 being 6-2, 5-4 down, to win 2-6,       cup competition is Ian Grindall             Meanwhile the question of
                                                 7-5, 9-7. The full result was:         who has yet to be beaten for the         team shirts has arisen and a
                                                 C. Langerin and R. Easton won          1st or 2nd teams.
                                                                                                                                 decision is needed as to their
             PORT                                6-2, 6-4 and 6-3, 6-4
                                                 J . Sear and D . Gladman won 2-
                                                 6, 7-5, 9-7 and lost 4-6, 6-4, 6-0
                                                                                           As of Wednesday the post
                                                                                        match peanut and cheese and
                                                                                        onion crisp sessions began again.
                                                                                                                                 colour and shape (silver lame
                                                                                                                                 sleeveless vs pink frilly front and
                                                                                                                                 Elizabethan collar on sequined
                                                  M a n of the match: D . Gladman.      See next weeks action packed
                                                                                                                                 mauve velvet), so there will be a
                                                 Worst performance: the opp-            article for the outcomes. Details
                                                                                                                                 Club General Meeting on Wed
                                                 osition and R. Easton. Special         of trips to Germany and jerseys
                                                                                                                                 19 Jan at 13.30 in the Volleyball
                                                 thanks to Judith Taylor. Next          are on the notice board in the
                                                                                                                                 Court to discuss this and other
  fa)              Tennis                        match: Friday 21 January.              Sports Centre for a change.
                                                                                                                                 matters. Red tape rules O K .
                                                                                                                                    To finish on an oft-repeated
                                                                                                                                 note, the Ladies team is suffering
  Last Tuesday saw a, not as
  strong (or fit) as it could be, first
                                                                                            Volleyball                           from a lack of ladies so acute

  team score a vital victory in the                     Squash                                                                   that for the last two sessions'
                                                                                                                                 none have shown up. As you can
  winter league held under flood-                                                       A n action packed episode this           appreciate, this makes coaching
  lights in North London. Four                                                          week—first an update. The mens           a trifle on the difficult side, and
  e n t h u s i a s t i c I C lads b r a v e d   A quick summary of the mid-            team continued their winning             leaves me, Pete and M a n won-
  French style driving, slippery                 season team positions and              streak in the S E E T E C H league       dering what to do on Tuesday
  courts, bad lighting and severe                promotions,                            with a 3-2 victory over Totten-
                                                                                                                                 e v e n i n g . A t this p o i n t i n a
  weather conditions to score a 15                 lsts    Div 1       3rd, 27pts       ham College, a total erasure of
                                                                                                                                  Dickens novel the hero usually
  points to 6 victory over the ex-                2nds     Div 3       2nd, 34pts       Hounslow V B C and ditto Inter-
                                                                                                                                  gives up and turns to drink, so if
  cellent L o n d o n c l u b , D r i v e .                             (promoted)      national University Watford (no
                                                                                                                                  you want us to stay Guniless,
  There were problems of course                   3rds    Div 3       8th, 16.5pts      joking folks, there is one!).
                                                                                                                                  please come along. A l l welcome
  b o t h o n the c o u r t , such as              4ths    Div 4       7th, 19pts          T o crown all this last week-          Tuesdays 17.30 to 19.30 at the
  Christian's volleys and Rob's                    5ths    Div 6       2nd, 33pts       end, after an arduous 4 hour
  forehand, and off it where John                                                                                                 Volleyball Court, 2nd floor O l d
                                                                        (promoted)      minivan trip involving paralysed          Chemistry Bldng.
  Sear a l m o s t t u r n e d h i m s e l f        Thus the 5 mens teams are           glutious maximuses all round,
  inside out in the changing rooms                                                                                                   F i n a l l y a t o u c h i n g c r i de
                                                 placed in the top 5 divisions for      Liverpool University exited from
  but said he felt 10 pounds lighter                                                                                             coeur. A n y Greek speaking
                                                 round 2.                               the E V A National Students' Cup
  after the experience. The out-                                                                                                  Barry Manilow addict wishing to
                                                    The ladies team is 3rd or 4th       by 3 sets to 1. Another arduous
' come was made certain when                                                                                                     establish a meaningful relation-
                                                 in Ladies D i v 2 following some       van trip back, more corns on the
  Dave Gladman and John Sear                                                                                                     ship with volleyballing fellow
                                                 sound performances, especially         I C V B C collective bum (???-Ed)
  stole t h e i r m a t c h f r o m the                                                                                          sufferer, contact C . Christou of
                                                 towards the end of last term.           and a p u n c t u r e o n the M l
  opposition's second pair, after                                                       rounded off a good day out.               Elec Eng 1.
                                                    The leader in the individual

 preparing to land. Precise circles and ellipses             could produce a gyrating laser image. But, just
 make contented geometric flowers; a violently
 struggling squiggle metamorphoses into an
                                                             as 'Tron' is the (current) ultimate in computer
                                                             graphics, the laserium is worth a visit to see
                                                                                                                       Cordon Bleugh
 acrobatic butterfly; and the night sky is filled            the ultimate artistic e x p l o i t a t i o n of the   If you're just back in London after a Traditional
 with the spots off a peacock's tail.                        principles of spatial and temporal coherence of        Family Christmas you're probably fed up to
 Experience not to be missed                                 photons!                                               the eyeballs with Festive Fare and yearning for.
   'Tron' has a desperately weak story line and                                                                     something light quick and tasty and easy to
 no plot. The film's appeal is totally visual - the          Where, when, £ ?                                       digest. Some of you might be lucky enough to
 graphics are dazzling. In much the same way                    There are laser shows 5 days a week at the          have received a toasted sandwich machine, or
 the sound-track of L a s e r i u m is almost                London Planetarium - next door to Madame               if not, these recipes might persuade you to buy
 incidental, but the colours and images are                  Tussaud's and the Baker Street tube station -          one at the sales with some left over Christmas
 dazzling.                                                   at 6.00 and 7.30 on Sun, Wed, Thurs, Fri and           money. In all these recipes remember to
   LASER is an acronym of Light Amplification                Sat, with an extra show at 9.00 on Friday and          spread a thin layer of butter or margarine on
 by Stimulated Emmission of Radiation. Given                 Saturday. Tickets cost £1.25 with a student's          the olifside of the sandwich to prevent
                                                             card and can be booked up to 14 days in                sticking.
 the right c o m b i n a t i on of modulators ,
 oscillators and scanning controls you too                   advance, but no phone bookings.                            First of all, a variant of the tried and trusted
                                                                                                                    cheese toastie. Spread both pieces of bread
                                                                                                                    thickly with cold custard (tinned will do),
                                                                                                                    keeping it away from the edges to prevent
                                                                                                                    leaking. Grate two ounces of cheddar cheese,
                                                                                                                    and mix with a small amount of tomato sauce
                                                                                                                    and some finely chopped dried dates. Pile the
                                                                                                                    mixture in the middle of one slice, cover with
                                                                                                                    the other and toast.
                                                                                                                        Next, the breakfast toastie. First, cover one
                                                                                                                    slice of bread with a layer of cold porridge.
                                                                                                                    Sprinkle on chopped bacon or ham, sliced
                                                                                                                     fried mushrooms and either boiled or fried
                                                                                                                     egg. (Boiled eggs will have to be chopped or
                                                                                                                     sliced, fried eggs can be left whole and
                                                                                                                     trimmed to fit the bread being used). Spread
                                                                                                                     the second slice of bread with marmalade,
                                                                                                                     cover the sandwich and toast.
                                                                                                                        And finally, a special toastie with that certain
                                                                                                                    je-ne-sais-quoi that typifies true cordon bleugh
                                                                                                                     cookery. To a small jar of pickled cockles, add
                                                                                                                     a finely chopped banana, a tablespoon of
                                                                                                                     Bovril and a tablespoon of white wine. Stir
                                                                                                                     thoroughly. Drain, and spoon onto bread
                                                                                                                     which has been spread with crunchy peanut
                                                                                                                     butter. Spread covers with peanut butter,
                                                                                                                     cover and toast.
                              Behind the scenes, but larger than a Walkman
FELIXI                                                                  I J a n u a r y 21, 19831                                                                  I Page!
                                                                                                  Physics       . _                       More
                                                                          1400h                      630    1800(1                       House
                                                                          Hewlett Packard Users'            Unity After the Pope's Visit This
                                                                          meeting, to exchange pro-         talk is preceeded by mass and
                                                                          grams, tips and books.            a bar supper.
                                                                                                            —As this week Is Church Unity
                                                                                                            Week, it would be nice If some
                                                                                                     JCR    of the other Christian groups
                                                                          1930h                             took this opportunity to share
                                                                                                            in this Catholic evening.
                                                                          India Society Republic Day
                                                                          Celebrations Live Indian music
                                                                          Drinks and food available.                                     301m
                                                                          Admission £1.50 with ticket,      1900h                         MW
                                                                          £2 on the door.                   Very Easy Listening with Chris
                                                                          -It will be Interesting to see    Martin.
                                                                          whether this event is design- '
                                                                          ed only for a minority of the
                                                                          society as it was claimed that
                                   2230h Falmouth Kitchens
                                   Soup Run
                                                                          the Diwali had only limited
                                      Saturday                                                              1245h                 Upper Lounge
0300h                    3B8
                                                                                                            Debsoc open committee
ICU Welfare Officer woken by       1200h                       Bowl              COLLEGE
Royal School of Mines
Executive and asked to
provide props for the Mines
                                   IC Bowling Club take on
                                   Brunei University in a champ-
                                                                                RADIO                       1915h

                                   ionship match.                                                  301m     Audition for Dramsoc's S C A B
                                   —Even though this is a home
                                                                          2200h                     MW      night play. No experience is
                                                                                                            needed to take a part.
                                   match and local derby, it is           Live Evil Neil Collins presents
                                                                          three hours of Black Sabbath.     —SCAB night is when all the
                                   hardly likely to have mass
                                                                                                            SCAB clubs come together to
1245h Union Concert Hall           appeal, as it is a very hard
                                                                                                            raise money for Rag. Make use
Islamic Society Friday meeting.    sport to follow. If you want to
                                                                                                            of this opportunity to act and
                                   watch sport you'd probably do                                            raise money for charity.
                                   better If you went to see one
                                   of the local football clubs
                                   In action.
                                                                          0915h Quiet Room
                                                                                                            1945h                        G    e   a
                                                                                                                                             H a ,!
                                                                  Beit    Prayer meeting                    Wind Band rehearsal. If you
 Jewish Society Friday night
 meal. Bring about £1 of dairy     PM                            Arch                                       Join now you will still be able
                                                                          1000h Consort Gallery             to take part In the first concert
 or vegetarian food                Cross Country Club Race                Communion Service                 of term.
                                   —For people who want to
                                   participate in sport, this is a real   1100h More House
                                   opportunity,     as an       almost    Catholic Mass                     L                            Union
                                                                                                            1830h                       Bar
                                                                                                                 A    A   A   L

                                   infinite number of people are
                                   needed. See the noticeboard            1300h Union S C R                 IC Cricket Club general meet-
                                   for details.                           Wargames Club meeting             ing
                                                                                                            —It may seem a long time until
                                                                                                            the sun shines and It Is time to
                                                                                                            cricket, but the club organis-
                                                                                                            ation must be dealt with first.
                                                                                                            So make sure that you turn up
                                                                                                            If you want to play cricket.

                                                                                                            1930h Union Lower Refectory
                                                                                                            PDT Medal Class

                                                                                                                                       Elec Eng
1830h Music Room                                                                                            1930h                           408
Christian Union meeting.                                                                                    Art Restoration David Bomford
                                                                                                            talks to Wellsoc about this
                                                                                                            interesting and important
1982 Memorial Party Say
goodbye to 1982 with 'The
Corporation'. Admission £ 1 .                                                                                         Tuesday
 - While everyone else has
forgotten 1982, IC Ents have
managed to arrange a disco
                                    Dynavector    will be giving away a cartridge like this at              1230h Southside Upper Lounge
which should be enjoyable, If a
little late.                        their talk . . . Or Is It the Star Ship       Enterprise?               BOardsalling Club meeting.

Page121                            • • • • • • • • • • J a n u a r y 21, 1983 • • •                                                       IFELIX
                       Elec Eng                            Union
 1230h                      606    1830h            Upper Lounge
Pimlico Connection lunch.          Dynavector will demonstrate
Come and see how you can           their cartridges. In addition
tutor at a local school during     they will give away a £60
the 1983-1984 session.             cartridge.
                    Tues 1230h
                                   —Dynavector are one of the
1230h          Common Room         very few specialist hi-fi manu-
                                   facturers from Japan. Their
Chris Price M P talks on           cartridges represent tremen-
'Labour's policies on Indust-      dous value for money. So find
rial innovation'.                  out about the latest cartridges
                                   at what may be Audio Soc's
1245h Aero 452                     event of the year.
Catholic Mass                      1930h J C R
                                   Intermediate Dancing Class

1300h        Committee Room
                                   2230h Falmouth Kitchens
                                   Soup Run
S C C Executive

Jewish Society have organised
a talk and discussion with a
woman Rabbi.
                                   1230h          Lower Refectory
                                   The Exclusion of Women from
                                   Technology A talk to WIST by
                        Physics    Dr D Griffiths.
1300h                      LT2
Cryogenics A talk to M O P S O C                           Linstead
by Professor D F Brewer of         1300h                    Courts
Sussex University.                 Tennis Club trials

                                                            Physics    r

                                   1300h                    Level 2

IQ, Eugenics and Racism A talk     The Barbican A visit behind the
to Socialist Society from 'The     scenes organised by M O P S O C .
British Association for Respon-
sibility in Science'.                                       Huxley
— This talk, on a subject which
                                   1300h                       413.
always causes debate, is           Bible study led by Lauraine
possibly the highlight of the      Everitt. A meeting organised        Roger Moore in the classic James Bond pose. Thursday's Ents film
week. So find out if people's      by S C F .                          is 'For Your Eyes Only', the latest 007 feature which was hailed at
IQs are really affected by race.                                       the time as a return to the old-style          Bond, relying     on
                     Tues 1300h    1315h 9 Princes Gardens             straightforward action rather than massive sets. It suceeds well
1300h TV Lounges                   Quran Circle                        and is probably the best of Moore's five efforts to date.
STOIC broadcast.
                                   1400h Dramsoc Storeroom
                  Read Theatre     Dramsoc workshop
 1300h                Sherfield                                        1300h TV Lounges                                          Union
This House believes that
                                   1830h J C R                         STOIC broadcast                   1800h            Upper Lounge
Creatlonism supersedes             Bronze Medal dancing class                                            S C C full meeting
Darwinism proposed by Prof-
essor Edgar Andrews and opp-                                           4 0 0 n U        Music Room
osed by Professor R J Barry.
                                   1930h J C R                         1 OoUn        53 Princes Gate     1800h TV Lounges
                                   Beginners' Dancing class                                              STOIC broadcast
                                                                       The Coull String Quartet will
—All credit to Debating Society
                                                                       play a selection of music to
and Humanities Dept for organ-         Thursday                        mark the 750th lunch-hour                                    Aero
ising a debate on an interesting
subject by two people who
                                                                       concert and Mozart's birthday.    1830h                       266
understand it.                                           Mech Eng      — This superb concert will be      Development of the Learfan-
                                   1230h                      542      packed, so make sure you are
                                                                       early W you want a place.
                                                                                                         The First Carbon Fibre
                                                                                                         Aeroplane A talk to Aerosoc by
               Pippard Theatre     Trades Unions in the 1980s A                                          Mr J V Noyes, Technical
1330h                 Sherfield    talk to Labour Club by Moss                                           Director of Learfan.
Judaism and Zionism a talk by      Evans, General Sec of T G W U .
                                                                                           Great Hall
Edward Mortimer as part of the     — The future of the unions must     1330h                Sherfield                         Mech Eng
series 'Religion and National-
ism in the Contemporary
                                   be in some doubt following
                                   Norman Tebbit's proposals on
                                                                       The Ascent of Man part twelve     1930h                     220
                                                                       'Generation upon Generation'.     For Your Eyes Only the Ents
Middle Fast'.                      Union reform So come and
                                   hear how a top union leader                                           film.
1730h Brown Committee Room         believes they should develop.       1730h Aero 254
                                                                                                         —Roger Moore's latest film as
Amnesty International meeting.                                         Gliding club meeting              007 in which his age is starting
                                                           Physics                                       to show. Nevertheless a good
1800h Southside Upper Lounge
Boardsalllng Club meeting.
                                   1300h                      LT2                          Mech Eng
                                                                                                         Bond which precede the summer

                                   Deterrr. tation of Structure of
                                                                       1745h                    342
                                                                                                         release of two new films; Moore
                                                                                                         in 'OctoDussy' and the old
1800h TV L o n g e s               Dusty Galaxies a talk to            Choir rehearsal for Bach in B     master Sean Connery In 'Never
STOIC broadcast                    M O P S O C by Dr D Adams.          Minor Mass.                       Say Never Again'.
FELIX • • • • • H M M H i                               I January 21,1983!                                                       I Page13
                                                      CCHI                                                               (1            19                <>             9

Boxing Match                                                what is the (unique) winning move from this
This week sees the return of Scaramouche                    position?
(first years won't remember him), in the most                Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the
                                                                                                                         1>            I>                1i            O
unusual puzzle I have yet seen. But let him tell           FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from •
you about it:                                              Menda-Bike for a randomly selected entry.
Scaramouche speaks: .                                                                                                                          A               A
Pinocchio's been letting you off rather lightly                                                                          1 i           1
recently, so to remind you of the devious .                Last Weeks Solution
difficulty of some of my puzzles, here's an                Last week's puzzle was rather easy, and there
offering based on the children's game of dots              were 31 entries. Leann Jones of Maths 2 was
and boxes.                                                 the winner, and can collect her prize from the
   As you're probably aware, two players start             FELIX Office on Monday. The solution is                        •            1   i             41            «v
with a grid of dots and alternately draw in lines          shown below. Two entries are worthy of
joining the dots in pairs. If a player's move              mention; notably Andrew Lailhamson (I think
completes the fourth side of a square cell, he             that's how you spell it) was the youngest                          Diagram 1                             Diagram 2 j
initials it and plays again. Sometimes it is               entrant at only 11, and James Aldridge of
possible to complete two cells on a move; in               Physics 2, who entered all three of the
this case the player initials both boxes, but              competitions, and also won the Superkings-2
only gets one extra turn. The winner is the                puzzle (and can pick up his cheque from the
player to initial most boxes.                              FELIX Office etc.). The Superkings answer,
   Sound simple? Child's play? All right, then,            10*10, is shown below. The code was won by
as a fairly straightforward example of devious             Russell Jones of Elec Eng 2, and he can pick up
 play, look at the position in diagram 1. A has            his cheque etc., the solution to which is this:
just won two boxes, and has been forced to                    Take all the numbers between any two
start a chain of five for his opponent. If B is            consecutive commas, square them and add
greedy and takes the whole chain, he will have             them, and that will give the position of the
to hand back the longer chain of nine to A, and            letter in the alphabet,
so will lose 5-11. On the other hand if B takes            e.g. 23,12,1114,... goes to;
                                                                   2   2   2   2   2   2   2   2
three of the cells in the chain, but then seals off              2 +3 , l +2 , l +l +l +4 ,. goes to;
its other end by completing the horizontal line                  13, 5, 19,... goes to;
in the bottom left hand corner, he only gives                    m, e, s,
two cells to A who is then compelled to open               The answer was:
up the chain of nine to B, resulting in a 12-4 win            Message follows in Latin.
for B.                                                        Ecce Edwardus ursus nunc tump-tump-
   Complete analysis of the game is hard                   tump occipite gradus pulsante post Chris-
(pedantically it's NP-hard for those who know              tophorum Robinum descendens.
what that means) and there are lots of                        ...which is of course the first sentence of
fascinating and difficult problems which arise             Winnie-the-Pooh translated into Latin. Thanks
from the strategy: Diagram 2 is a case in point;           Perola!

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  FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB
  Tel. 01-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising         Manager: Nick Thexton. Copyright FELIX 1983
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