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EACH YEAR MILLIONS OF COUPLES AND FAMILIES MUST ENDURE THE
EXCRUCIATING PAIN OF DIVORCE AND EXPERIENCE THE EMOTIONAL AND
PHYSICAL DEVASTATION OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE.
You need look no further than the six-year-old boy whose dad no longer comes to his soccer games
to see the agony of divorce. Or look into the eyes of a woman whose husband can’t get through the day
without alcohol to see the pain of addiction.
It’s everywhere we look and it is the reason I am writing to you today. I am a licensed
professional counselor and licensed chemical dependency counselor in Richardson. It is my earnest hope that
the people you serve will benefit from the twelve free two-hour seminars that I offer. I call my program
``Road Map for Life’’ and it was created to help individuals and couples rediscover the life they once hoped
for before addiction, shame, fear of abandonment and other issues propelled them into a world of despair.
The first seminar, titled ``Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams: Pathways to Healing for
Singles and Couples’’ focuses on ways to save, improve or simply understand relationships. The next two-part
seminar, ``Hooked on Love: When You Love Too Much,’’ deals with codependency and the self-defeating
behaviors that stand in the way of happiness. The tragedy of addiction is the focus of the two-part
``Understanding the Addict in Your Life: Awakening To Recovery.’’ The final seminar, ``Healing Toxic
Relationships: How to Talk so Your Partner Listens,’’ speaks to everyone’s desire to have satisfying and
loving connections. The seventh seminar, ``Everyday Addictions That Destroy Your Happiness,’’ examines the
things we do that on the surface seem harmless. Spending, gossiping, sleeping and working are normal
behaviors but when they're done to avoid feelings, then they become process addictions. The eighth seminar,
``When Love Hurts: How to Heal a Painful Relationship,’’ looks at the damage done through humiliation,
control, intimidation and other behaviors. These insidious behaviors destroy relationships and cause immense
pain. The ninth seminar, ``The Healing Power of Experiential Psychotherapy: Where Talk Therapy Never
Goes,’’ looks at how acting out painful experiences from the past can help people learn to resolve issues in
the present. The next seminar ``Recovering from Your Traumatic Childhood: Breaking the Cycle of Pain,’’
focuses on the ways parents unconsciously wound their children and how those behaviors are passed on
from one generation to the next. The final two seminars, ``Grieving Life's Losses: Developing the Courage to
Mourn,’’ looks at all kinds of losses people face, including the death of loved one, the end of a career, the
loss of a pet and many others. It also focuses on the stages of mourning and the grief work that must be
done for true healing to occur.
Certainly the need for a helping hand is great in a country where every 13 seconds a divorce is
finalized; where one out of every four students lives in a household affected by divorce. When we consider
that there are 88 million Americans who are chemically dependent or in a relationship with someone who is
and that about half of the accidents on the road involve alcohol it becomes clear that we must not only
recognize the depth of this problem but also do something to change it.
The destructive behaviors of addiction can be replaced with healthy ways of living this life.
Splintered families can be restored to wholeness. Individuals can overcome the harshest of circumstances.
But they need guidance to get them past the confusion and despair that muddies up their vision. They need
a ``Road Map for Life’’ that can help them learn how to knock down the barricades, overcome the detours
and get back on the highway so they can enjoy this wonderful world we live in.
I have enclosed my biography and references. I have included hand-outs that can be copied for
your use. Please look over my packet. I’ll be contacting you soon.
Road Map for Life
Eleven Seminars for Creating the Life You Want
Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams:
Pathways to Healing for Singles and Couples
Learn how unmet childhood needs affect your adult relationships and how you and your partner can heal
together. More than just a fast fix, this seminar addresses underlying issues.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Hooked on Love: When You Love Too Much (Part 1)
Are you afraid of being abandoned? Are you so hooked on someone that you sacrifice everything to keep the
relationship alive? Do you feel like a door mat? This seminar can help you replace self-defeating behaviors
with a more positive way of living.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Hooked on Love: When You Love Too Much (Part 2)
Understanding codependency is only half the battle. This seminar looks at recovery and ways that
codependents can learn to empower themselves, set boundaries and enjoy life more.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Understanding the Addict in Your Life: Awakening to Recovery (Part 1)
It’s not a moral weakness, a lack of willpower or a failure to face the world. Addiction is about the struggle
to fill the hole in one’s soul through alcohol, drugs and other means. This seminar will look at the shame,
isolation and despair of the addictive personality.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Understanding the Addict in Your Life: Awakening to Recovery (Part 2)
Growth and recovery can be fraught with dangers: relapses, fear and all the challenges that come with
change. This seminar offers guideposts to help the addict or anyone close to them as they take those first
tenuous steps toward a satisfying life.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Healing Toxic Relationships: How to Talk so Your Partner Listens
This is your chance to learn how to break destructive cycles in relationships and develop new, positive
ways of relating to those you love. Learn how to move from pain, conflict and disconnection into a deeply
loving relationship.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Everyday Addictions that Destroy Your Happiness
Who hasn't hit the department store after a fight? Or worked late to avoid going home? These behaviors
may seem harmless, but if they're being used to avoid feelings, then they're process addictions. This seminar
will help you understand what process addictions are and how they damage your life.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
When Love Hurts: How to Heal a Painful Relationship
It's more than angry words. It's nonphysical behavior that is used to control, intimidate, isolate or punish
through degradation, humiliation or fear. It damages relationships and destroys lives. This seminar addresses
the often hidden reasons for these destructive behaviors.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
The Healing Power of Experiential Psychotherapy:
Where Talk Therapy Never Goes
Psychodrama uses role-playing to help participants tap into painful emotions so that they can at last be
healed. This seminar will introduce you to this unique type of therapy that goes to the heart of the matter.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Recovering from Childhood Trauma: Breaking the Cycle of Pain
For millions of children, traumatic events are everyday occurrences that insidiously carve deep scars into
their hearts. The people they trust behave in ways that cause deep pain. Then, unknowingly, those children
become adults who do the same thing. But there are ways to break the cycle for future generations.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Grieving Life's Losses: Developing the Courage to Mourn (Part 1)
Learn how losses of any kind — the death of a spouse, the end of a career, or the loss of a pet — can
turn your world upside down. Discover how in our zest to move on with life, we fail to complete the
grieving process, only to realize later road that we have never really recovered from the loss. This seminar
addresses grief and also offers concrete tips for helping someone else who is going through the grief process.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
Grieving Life's Losses: Developing the Courage to Mourn (Part 2)
Grief is a complicated process. Learn the Stages of Grief, from the early days of numbness to a time of
recovery. This seminar will help you understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy grief. It looks
at what happens if we try to rush the grieving process. It also examines the role that experiential
psychotherapy or psychodrama can play in helping us address our losses and start healing.
Class offered at: __________________________________________________________
About the Instructor:: Mark Felber, L.P.C., L.C.D.C., C.P., CET II is a psychotherapist specializing in
couples therapy and addictive behaviors. For more information: Contact him at Human Connections
Counseling Services;
(214) 796-2323 or go to his web site at www.MarriageCPR.com
CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS: PATHWAYS TO HEALING
FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES
Something we were withholding made us weak,
Until we found out that it was ourselves.
- Robert Frost
In healthy relationships, partners feel safe enough to share their true selves without hiding behind
the mask that they wear in the world. Love, when it is genuine, makes it possible for them to be vulnerable
with each other so that together they can find their way toward healing and wholeness.
This seminar is an introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy and it’s a way that couples and
singles can discover how unconscious childhood hurts often get in the way of healthy adult relationships.
It was designed to help couples learn how to put the spark back in their relationship and
rediscover the person they fell in love with. But it also offers singles valuable insight into what went wrong
in past relationships and how they can avoid those pitfalls in the future.
As most adults have discovered, keeping a long-term relationship going can be a daunting challenge
what with so many obstacles in the way. Imago Relationship Therapy helps couples create a safe haven, so
that each person can be heard and loved for who they really are. To get there, couples must look backwards
and see their partner as the child they once were. When they can visualize the child in every adult, they
can better understand and help heal those wounds.
Couples can learn how to really meet each other’s needs in ways that are deeply meaningful to
both people. This seminar is not about agreeing to take out the garbage or wash the bathtub. It’s about
agreeing to really sit down, tune in and listen to each other’s heart and those true feelings that get lost in
our busy lives.
It’s possible to put back the vitality in relationships that have lost their spark. Couples can learn
how to bring down the walls of anger and contempt and replace them with compassion and empathy.
Partners can once again, develop a shared vision for their future, one that is full of hope and promise.
Imago Relationship Therapy is not a quick fix but it is a way that couples can reconnect and find
exactly what they were looking for on the path to healing and wholeness.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS: PATHWAYS TO HEALING
FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES
Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams brings into awareness your unconscious childhood hurts
and, with this insight, teaches you how to cooperate with the unconscious agenda of childhood to get the
nurturing and care from your relationships that you didn’t get as a child. You will enrich and deepen your
relationship as you respond to this unconscious directive to help each other heal and grow.
What You Will Learn:
New skills for more effective partner-to-partner communication.
Why the very qualities that attracted you to each other now often drive you crazy.
How to identify the hidden forces that control your relationship.
How to get to the root of your problems and dissolve them.
How to move from automatic reaction to conscious and intentional action.
How to turn daily frustrations into vehicles for change.
How to meet your partner’s needs with laser-like precision.
How to express your love and appreciation in ways that touch your partner’s heart.
How to create fun, romance, passion and intimacy.
How to rediscover the joy and spiritual potential of your relationship.
How to increase compassion and empathy for yourself and your partner.
How to resolve anger and tension, both spoken and unspoken.
How to create a partnership that is safe and nurturing for you.
How to develop a shared vision for the present and future of your relationship.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS: PATHWAYS TO HEALING
FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES
Topic Outline
I. The Unconscious Sabotage Of Relationships
A. You Will Learn How
1. To uncover hidden expectations that sabotage relationships
2. To explore yourself through study of your family history
3. To identify unconscious forces that create conflict in your relationship
4. To share and express thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner
B. Basic Assumptions of Imago Relationship Therapy
1. Romantic Love
2. Power Impasse
3. Awakening
4. Transformation
5. Real Love
C. Characteristics of Emotional Allergies
1. Definition: An acute sensitivity to events reminiscent of past hurts
D. Characteristics Of Romantic Love
1. Formation of the Imago
2. Yearning to resolve unmet needs from childhood
3. Illusions of romantic love
4. Unconscious emotional allergies
E. Nurturing Deficits And Socialization Wounds
1. Childhood developmental wounds
2. Parenting deficits
3. Adaptive behaviors
4. Defenses against inadequacies
F. Consequences Of Developmental Woundings
1. Developmental arrests
2. Adult yearning to meet unmet needs of childhood
3. Introjects to repress feelings or thoughts
4. Opposites attract
G. Characteristics Of The Power Struggle
1. Partners stuck at same developmental stage
2. How partners trigger unconscious emotional allergies
3. Couples mutually re-injure childhood wounds
4. All interactions are unconscious
5. Exploring early developmental issues that emerge in the child
H. Couples Developmental Scale
1. Attachment
2. Exploration
3. Identity
4. Power and Competence
5. Concern
I. Repressed Socialization And Mate Selection
1. Thinking
2. Feeling
3. Acting
4. Sensing
J. Awakening To A Conscious Relationship
1. Educate yourself and partner about your childhood wounds
2. See your partner not as a savior but as another wounded person
3. Communicate your needs in constructive ways
K. Emotional Reactivity And The Three Parts Of The Brain
1. Logical
2. Mammalian
3. Reptilian
L. Intentional Dialogue: Listening To Understand And Learn
1. Mirroring
2. Validation
3. Empathy
M. Characteristics of Real Love
N. Characteristics of Illusory Love
O. Summary And Concluding Comments
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH (PART 1)
``How does one become a butterfly? she asked pensively.
You must want to fly so much, that you are willing
To give up being a caterpillar.’’
- Trina Paulus
Like the fuzzy caterpillar, people who are codependent, or in other words, addicted to love, long to
take flight and soar above the clouds. But in their minds and hearts, taking off is just too scary. They
would rather stay shackled to the safe earth than take a risk and give up the control that they hold on to
so tightly.
Codependents follow a long list of rules that they believe will keep them safe from harm. Don’t feel.
Don’t make decisions. Don’t be who you are because it will never be good enough. To break free and really
start to live life, someone who is codependent or addicted to love, must break the very rules that they have
built their entire lives around. It is a most daunting task.
Learning how to break free from the very rules that keep codependents stuck on the ground, is
what this seminar, called ``Hooked On Love When You Love Too Much,’’ focuses on.
Most codependents do not give up their code of conduct - to be good, right, perfect and strong -
easily. They have invested so much of themselves in taking care of others and people pleasing, that to put
themselves first seems like such a selfish thing to do. And just imagine the risks: shame, guilt and worse of
all, abandonment. Deep down, codependents live with so much fear and the belief that they can never be
loved for themselves, that they do everything they can to make sure they do not lose the love they so
desperately want and secretly believe they do not deserve.
Yet as hard as it is for codependents to put themselves first, that first whiff of freedom can be so
exhilarating, that it propels them forward and gives them the courage to fly. It becomes easier and easier to
set boundaries, ask for what they want and let go of manipulative behaviors.
With practice and support, the codependent can break free of worry and obsession. In time, the
codependent can take flight at last.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH
(Part 1)
People who are codependent or addicted to love spend their lives taking care of others while
neglecting themselves. It might sound noble, but in the end, this caretaking damages relationships and robs
the codependent individual of happiness and satisfaction. Fortunately, change is possible. There are ways to
learn how to stop giving yourself away.
What You Will Learn:
Why some individuals are so addicted to a relationship that they’ll practically sell their souls to
keep one going.
How codependents find it so difficult to express their feelings.
How family rules, such as be good, be perfect or be strong, constrict healthy development and
damage self esteem.
Ways that codependents can learn to ask for what they want instead of being indirect.
Why codependents give away their power so easily and what they can do to get it back.
How to set boundaries that you really can enforce.
Why codependents often feel so dead inside and how they can come back to life.
Why codependents are so terrified of abandonment that they do back flips to hold on to the person
that they are addicted to.
Why codependents believe that if they are really good and perfect they will not be abandoned.
Why codependents think that if they try a little harder, they can rescue those they love.
How to bolster self esteem and regain a sense of self.
How to live life instead of giving away all your power and becoming an idle bystander.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH (Part 1)
Topic Outline
I. Characteristics of Codependents
A. Development of Codependence
1. The process of wounding
2. It is learned and acquired
B. It is developmental
C. It is outer focused
D. It is a disease of lost selfhood
E. It is a feeling disorder
F. The five core symptoms of codependence
1. Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem
2. Difficulty setting functional boundaries
3. Difficulty owning our own reality
4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting our own needs
5. Frozen feelings from childhood
G. How the Symptoms Sabotage Our Lives
1. Negative control
2. Impaired boundaries
3. Resentment
4. Avoiding reality
5. Impaired ability to sustain a healthy relationship
H. Counter-dependency vs. Codependency
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH (PART 2)
Happiness is not a reward; it is a consequence.
Suffering is not a punishment; it is a result.
-R.G. Engersoll.
Codependents, or people who are addicted to love, practically wrote the book on suffering. They see
themselves as victims, characters in a novel, written by someone else. Their role in life is clearly defined;
they are the helpers and rescuers.
But while they are so careful to make sure that everyone else is taken care of and no one gets
hurt, they over look themselves.
This seminar, ``Hooked on Love: When You Love Too Much,’’ is about the difficult but rewarding
process of recovering from codependency. It’s about the challenges codependents face as they try to recover
from a lifetime of people pleasing. And it’s about the difficulties they have when they stop doing what
everyone else wants and start standing up for them. It’s easy to see how codependents in recovery often
find themselves in a double bind. For often those who they’ve been rescuing all these years, are none to
pleased with a new, more confident friend or spouse whom no longer acts like a doormat. In recovery,
codependents learn how to not only change their behavior but also deal with others who might try to
sabotage their progress.
In recovery, codependents also learn how to keep going when they fall back into familiar habits
and fail to set boundaries. Recovering from an addiction, including codependency, often means one step
forward and two steps backwards. But it is possible to change and find a rewarding way of life.
For codependents that are so used to putting themselves last, learning to be selfish is tough. But it
is worth the effort. The emotional defense systems that protected the codependent as a child can be replaced
with healthier behaviors. Codependents can learn to stop stuffing their feelings.
Finally, codependents can write their own script. With practice, they can stop searching outside
themselves for happiness and instead make it happen on their own terms. Let the fun begin.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH
(Part 2)
People who are codependent or addicted to love are so accustomed to doing everything for
everyone else that they don’t have a clue about how to take care of themselves. After all, they’ve been
caretaking in one form another all of their lives.
That’s where recovery comes in. Once the codependents become aware of how much of themselves
they have sacrificed for the sake of helping others, they begin the healing process and discover their true
selves.
What You Will Learn:
How the toxic rules that codependents live by block their recovery.
Why codependents believe that they are not lovable and don’t deserve good things.
How the scripts written during their childhood sabotage their adult relationships.
How to stop people pleasing and learn how to please yourself.
What a healthy relationship looks like.
How the codependents’ fear of abandonment drives their behavior and allows them to accept
the unacceptable in their most intimate of relationships.
How our inner child determines our adult decisions.
Why the road to recovery often means taking one step forward and two steps backwards and
how to cope with those slips.
How codependents try to manipulate and control others.
Ways to take back power and start making decisions.
Why it is so hard for codependents to be free.
How codependents can learn to have fun.
How to discover your true self and take off the mask.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HOOKED ON LOVE: WHEN YOU LOVE TOO MUCH (PART 2)
Topic Outline
I. Recovery from Codependency
A. Recovery Formula
1. Awareness
2. Responsibility
3. We empower ourselves
4. Setting healthy boundaries
5. The false codependent self
6. Fear of Abandonment
7. Addictions and compulsions appear
B. The Process of Recovery
1. Awakening
2. Stage 1 recovery
3. Stage 2 recovery
4. Toxic rules that block recovery
C. Understanding Our Inner Child Who Determines Our Important Decisions
1. The nature of life scripts
2. Script drivers
3. Drivers in relationships
4. Script injunctions
5. The autonomous self
6. Seeing the script process
7. Characteristics of healthy bonding
8. Characteristics of codependent relationships
9. Getting free
10. Letting go
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
AWAKENING TO RECOVERY (PART 1)
``If you don’t heal the wounds of your childhood, you bleed into the future.’’
- Oprah Winfrey
Substance abusers live in a no-mans land, trapped in a past that controls them and a future that
terrifies them. It is indeed, an excruciating place to be. Just ask any of the 20 million Americans who are
alcoholics or the 9 million who use illicit drugs.
But the tragedy hardly stops there. In this country alone there are more than 22 million adult
children of alcoholics and 15 to 17 million youngsters who have a chemically dependent parent. In these
families, substance abuse gets in the way of healthy relationships, bonding and growth. And the traumas get
passed down through the generations. Many who grew up in a dysfunctional family go on to repeat the
same familiar behaviors. An estimated 60 percent of women married to alcoholics, had fathers who abused
alcohol.
These are not bad or morally weak people. These are individuals who despite their best efforts find
themselves trapped in a world with no way out. Look at this seminar as an exit sign on the highway of
addiction. Take it and you’ll be taking the first steps out of a vicious cycle, where emotional hunger is
never quenched, where numbness replaces feelings and old wounds trigger violent outbursts.
You’ll discover why substance abusers are often control-freaks until they drink and blow up. Or
why the conflicts between values and behaviors wreak havoc in their lives. We will explore why guilt,
shame and humiliation are not enough to motivate change and why the addict must reach his own rock
bottom.
If you’re chemically dependent, the adult child of an alcoholic or grew up in a dysfunctional family,
this seminar is a starting point. It’s a place for the millions of addicts who find sex, spending, and food just
as powerful as cocaine and whiskey, to begin to unravel the mysteries of their behaviors.
Recovery starts here, with an understanding of why addicts use substances to fill the hole in their
souls, how they can break destructive patterns and what families can do to heal themselves. A different life
is possible. This seminar is merely a road map, but it is a place to begin the journey of recovery.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
AWAKENING TO RECOVERY
(Part 1)
Addiction is not about lack of willpower. Addicts are not bad people. There are reasons why 88
million Americans are chemically dependent or in a relationship with someone who is, and those reasons
have more to do with childhood wounds and misguided coping styles, than with willpower. This seminar
unravels some of the many mysteries behind why addicts behave the way they do and often end up
sacrificing their lives to an addiction.
What You Will Learn:
Why substance abusers tend to avoid today and instead live in a past that controls them and
a future that frightens them.
How people get caught up in process addictions such as working, spending, making money or
gaining power.
Is it really an addiction if you are not a daily user?
The four signs of addiction: obsession, negative consequences, denial and a lack of control.
How to make the connection between the traumatic events of childhood and addiction.
How compulsive life patterns, including excessive working, relationship dependency and the
perpetual child syndrome begin and eventually take over the adult’s life.
Ways that addicts try to control cycles of pain and how they attempt to get relief with objects
and events.
What happens when the people who are close to addicts get tired of being treated as objects?
The stages of addiction and how they influence the addict’s behavior.
How the addict’s life breaks down and they isolate themselves from others.
What happens to the addict when the only thing that matters is getting high from acting out.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
AWAKENING TO RECOVERY (PART 1)
Topic Outline
A. Characteristics of Chemical Dependency
1. Compulsiveness
2. Loss of control
B. The Paradigm of Addiction
1. Recovery is not just for addicts
2. Addiction-making systems
3. Control and power
C. Four Signs of Addiction
1. Obsession
2. Ignoring negative consequences
3. Lack of control
4. Denial
D. Connection Between Trauma and Addiction
1. Unresolved childhood trauma
2. Need to self medicate
E. Importance of Family Learning
1. Coping skills
2. Basic human needs
3. How troubled families behave
F. Stages of addiction
1. Internal Change
2. Withdrawing
3. Tendency to give up on life
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
AWAKENING TO RECOVERY (PART 2)
``He that conceals his grief, finds no remedy for it.’’
- Turkish proverb
For addicts and their families, grief is so much a way of life that it goes unnoticed, an invisible
aching that leaves them numb and unable to explore the roots of their grief. For them, the trauma of
addiction has no starting or ending point. It seeps into every aspect of their being.
Masters of deception, addicts are quick to lie to themselves and deny they have a problem. But
recovery can only begin when the addict’s delusional system cracks and tiny splinters of light slip through
the wall of denial.
Catching a glimpse of that light is what this seminar is all about. No addict is going to awaken to
recovery after a 90-minute seminar, but the hairline cracks offer a starting point. In time, those cracks of
light will widen ever so slightly so that at last the gaping wounds of addiction can be seen and healed.
While recognizing an addiction can be illuminating, it is only the beginning. Statistics show that
half of addicts will go on to long-term recovery; the other half will die from their disease. For someone
whose identity has been tied up in denial, shame and fear, facing an addiction – even one that could lead
to death - is excruciating. Their low frustration tolerance and dependency on a quick fix, makes recovery
seem all the more foreboding.
They cannot find their way out of this darkness alone. Addicts, adult children of alcoholics and
children of dysfunctional families all need others to guide them. Friends, family, therapy and a Twelve Step
program can all fill this role. But family members have their own work to do. Addicts do not live in a
vacuum. The tentacles of addiction wrap around their families and choke the life out of healthy relationships
for generations.
Everyone has a part to play in this drama, whether it is the teenager who becomes the family hero
or the lost child, who copes by simply disappearing. During recovery, they can learn about the role they
played, how they too can write their own script and get on with living.
This seminar can help families and individuals see how that dark and distorted picture of life that
addiction paints, can become a portrait of a different sort, one that is bright and lighted by the satisfaction
of recovery.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
AWAKENING TO RECOVERY
(PART 2)
Recovering from an addiction is a family affair, for even under the best of circumstances, all of the family
members will become caught up in the disease. They might assume different roles, but in the end, they all have a
part to play in addiction and recovery. While one might become the chief enabler who sacrifices everything for the
sake of the family, another might take on the role of family mascot who uses humor to try to laugh away the hurt
inside. Each role serves in purpose; understanding how each role is played out is part of the recovery process that
this seminar focuses on.
What You Will Learn:
How unwritten family rules affect every member of the family.
The consequences of unhealthy family rules.
The roles every family member plays and the denial system they have developed to deal with the
addiction.
The rigid defense mechanisms of the addictive personality.
Characteristics of addictive men and why men consume 75 percent of the alcohol drunk in the
United States.
Characteristics of addictive women and how sex-role stereotypes can create stress that drives some
women to substance abuse.
The role that self-help groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, play in recovery.
When to consider seeking professional help.
The stages of recovery that the addict must go through to reach recovery.
How to deal with a relapse.
Why the addict must let go of the old addictive self before a new awareness of spirit and hope
can begin
Ways the addict can take care of himself.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICT IN YOUR LIFE:
Awakening to Recovery (Part 2)
Topic Outline
I. Recovery for the Addicted Family
A. Characteristics of family members
B. Unwritten family rules
C. Consequences of unhealthy family rules
D. How family members adjust
E. Roles family members play
II Recovery for the Addictive Personality
A. Time to surrender
B. Giving up the illusion of personal control and power
C. Focusing on pain and possibilities
III Understanding Addictive Defense Mechanisms
A. The B side of the addict’s personality
a. Often kind, sensitive, gentle and caring
B. The A side of the addictive personality
a. The A side is where defense mechanisms are found
b. Denial, rationalization, justification and blame occur
IV Defense Mechanisms of the Addictive Personality
A. Denial
B. Projection
C. Rationalization
D. Displacement
V Personality Characteristics of Addictive Men
A. Western civilization celebrates male drinking
B. Tolerance is considered masculine
C. Men find it difficult to communicate without alcohol
VI Personality Characteristics of Addictive Women
A. External pressure to conform to sex roles creates stress that drives some women to
drink
B. Preoccupation with their inadequacy, ineptness and inability to establish themselves
in their environment
C. Begin drinking in response to a specific trauma
VII The Self Help Revolution
A. 12-step groups
B. AA
C. Role in recovery
VIII Passages Through Recovery
A. Transition
B. Stabilization
C. Early Recovery
D. Middle Recovery
E. Late Recovery
F. Maintenance
IX The Experience of Relapse
A. Relapse as a response to drug hunger
B. Relapse as impulse
C. Relapse as a cognitive test
D. Relapse as flight
E. Relapse or go crazy
F. Relapse as loss
G. Relapse as rage
H. Relapse as self-loathing
I. The professional relapse
Knowledge is Power
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CETII
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
HEALING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO TALK SO YOUR PARTNER
LISTENS
``The first duty of love is to listen.’’
Paul Tillich
Every 13 seconds, a divorce is finalized in this country. Fewer than half of all American children
can expect to live out their childhood with both of their parents. Clearly, a lot of people in this country are
not listening to those they love. They’ve closed their hearts and turned away from the people that they once
proclaimed to care about the most.
Indeed, listening is a tough task in these harried times when couples often work different hours
and find time to talk only when the car breaks down, the dog runs away or their son needs braces.
Amid all the noise and chaos of our busy lives, there is one message that should come across loud
and clear. No relationship can survive if people don’t learn how to listen and really hear each other. This
seminar "Healing Toxic Relationships: How to Talk so Your Partner Listens,’’ was developed to help people
learn how to listen, not just with their ears, but also with their hearts.
It is possible for partners to learn how to communicate, beyond the idle chitchat and empty
conversations that fill the hours. With practice, couples can break the cycle of negativity and develop
healthier ways of getting their needs met. They can learn how to stop all the poker hot fighting and icy
storms of silence that shut down relationships and destroy marriages.
This seminar looks at behaviors that suck the life out of marriages. It examines the roadblocks that
make real communication impossible. And it teaches solid skills, not just silly games that can rebuild
relationships.
In a busy society where the family dinner hour has virtually disappeared, couples are too
exhausted at the end of the day to even think about sex and no one seems to be truly satisfied with their
lives, it’s easy to look the other way and pretend that a relationship is healthy. After all, if a couple can
get through the day without a snide comment or an all out assault on each other, isn’t that enough? Most
couples, if they were honest with themselves, would answer no. They want and deserve more.
Awakening to a conscious relationship, one in which couples communicate their needs and desires
in a constructive way, takes some time. But it’s time worth taking in order to build the relationship of your
dreams.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HEALING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO TALK SO YOUR PARTNER
LISTENS
FOR SINGLES AND COUPLES
This seminar looks at ways to break the destructive cycles in relationships and develop new
positives strategies of relating to each other. It examines how family backgrounds have a negative influence
on adult relationships. Whether you are in a relationship or taking a time out from one, this seminar was
created to help you understand your communication style and why you behave in ways that damage the
intimacy you’re searching for.
What You Will Learn:
The four marriage destroyers that are most damaging to marriages and how to change them.
How to ask open-ended question to encourage your partner to share his or her feelings.
How ordering, threatening, preaching and interrogating blocks communication.
How to stop the spiral of anger.
How to share intimate feelings and desires with your partner without creating conflict.
Ways to practice active listening so that you really hear what your partner is trying to
communicate.
How problems in a relationship create emotional distance and how to bridge that distance with
nurturing and understanding.
The nine tasks of a successful marriage.
Why marriages succeed or fail.
How stress styles affect a relationship.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
HEALING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO TALK SO YOUR PARTNER
LISTENS
Topic Outline
I. Skills For Creating A Successful Relationship
A. Relationship Roadmap
1. Normal stress to meet needs
2. Biologically based needs
3. Bonding
4. Distress (negative)
5. Eustress( happiness)
B. Stress Styles
1. Placater
2. Blamer
3. Super-Reasonable
4. Irrelevant/Distractor
C. The Nine Tasks Of A Successful Marriage
1. Separate emotionally from family-of-origin
2. Create Sense of togetherness
3. Make transition from being a couple to family
4. Prevent adversity from destroying relationship
5. Express differences safely
6. Don’t allow life demands to impair sex life
7. Share laughter and fun times
8. Comfort and encourage each other
9. Keep romantic and ideal view of relationship
D. Why Marriages Succeed and Fail
1. Inability to handle conflict
2. Ratio of positive to negative moments should be 5:1
3. Stable equilibrium in marital ecology
4. Conflict is inevitable
E. Four Conflict Management Skills
1. 15 minute limit
2. Calm yourself and avoid flooding
3. Speak and listen non-defensively
4. Validate the other person
F. Four Relationship Destroyers
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling
G. Barriers To Communication
1. Lack of skill
2. Lack of planning
3. Fear
H. 12 Roadblocks To Communication
1. Ordering, directing, commanding
2. Warning, admonishing, threatening
3. Moralizing, preaching, imploring
4. Advising, giving suggestions or solutions
5. Persuading with logic, lecturing, arguing
6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing blaming
7. Praising, agreeing, evaluating positively, buttering up
8. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming
9. Interpreting, analyzing, diagnosing
10. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling, supporting
11. Probing, questioning, interrupting
12. Distracting, diverting, kidding
I. Listening Skills
1. Open-ended statements
2. Summary statements
3. Neutral questions and phrases
4. Dialogue Guide
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
EVERYDAY ADDICTIONS THAT DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS
―All of your emotional fear stems from the belief that you’re
inadequate or unlovable.‖
Margaret Paul
For some many of us, process addictions are so much a part of our lives that we hardly notice
them. We may go on a shopping spree after a fight with our boyfriend or stay late at the office to avoid
coming home to an empty house. Some of us may eat chocolate frosted brownies to escape the pain of
loneliness or sleep for hours even when we are not tired to avoid what we really feel inside.
Shopping, working, exercising and sleeping are not in and of themselves addictions. All these
activities are part of life. The trouble begins when we have a secret agenda: we shop for stilettos, not
because we desperately need another pair of shoes, but because it’s away to avoid feeling abandoned and
shamed. We may pretend that we’re just being a good employee by working late when really we’re staying
at our desk typing because it’s a way to numb the isolation and sadness inside.
When we do something to avoid pain or fear it is an addiction. We’re all familiar with addictions
to alcohol, drugs or tobacco. But process addictions are a different animal. They’re more difficult to
recognize because we have learned to treat them as a normal part of life.
What woman hasn’t turned to ―shopping therapy‖ when she was feeling a little down? How many
men shoot hoops every night until they’re exhausted because it distracts them from the pain they’re feeling
inside?
If we could take a few moments just to sit down and ask ourselves what are intent is, a new
picture of ourselves will come into focus. If we stop long enough to feel our feelings, the voice we’ll hear
has much to tell us. Once we learn to welcome, rather than avoid these feelings, healing can begin.
The more we ask what our intent is, the more likely we are to see our process addictions slip
away. Not right away, of course, but over time we notice that we’re running to the store less or getting
home from work earlier. Suddenly we’re more serene and able to enjoy a meaningful life instead of faking it
with process addictions that only cover up what we’re really feeling.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
EVERYDAY ADDICTIONS THAT DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS
Process addictions can be difficult to spot. On the surface they seem like normal every day behaviors.
We shop all afternoon because we want to find the perfect pair of shoes or work after everyone else in the
office has left because we want to get ahead in our career. When we use these behaviors as a way to
escape from feelings we don’t want to feel, then we’re talking about a process addiction. This seminar
examines process addictions and how to heal them.
What You Will Learn:
How to recognize a process addiction.
The difference between healthy behaviors and process addictions.
How we use activities such as working or shopping to avoid our feelings.
How we can move from the intent to protect to intent to learn.
How repressed pain can lead to physical symptoms and emotional problem.
Who is this inner child
How we can connect with our inner child.
How process addictions develop.
How our adult self can communicate with our inner child.
How we can activate our loving adult
How we can find inner peace
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At:_______________In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
EVERYDAY ADDICTIONS THAT DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS
Topic Outline
I. Compulsive Behaviors that Rule Our Lives
A. You Will Learn How
1. Process addictions affect our lives
2. Ways we use process addictions to avoid feelings
3. Why we get caught up in process addictions
4. The difference between addictions and pleasures
B. The Pain Surrounding Compulsive Behaviors
1. How we can learn from pain
2. Why we shut out our feelings
3. How fear plays out in our behaviors
4. How we can move from intent to protect to intent to learn
C. Who is Our Inner Child?
1. Who is this little person inside us?
2. How can we connect with our Inner Child?
3. Why does our Inner Child feel so unloved?
4. Why don’t we listen to our Inner Child?
D. Who is our Adult?
1. Recognizing our adult as the choice-maker
2. How our Adult abandons the Inner Child
3. How the Adult imposes rules
4. What the Adult can do to help the Inner Child
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
WHEN LOVE HURTS: HOW TO HEAL A PAINFUL RELATIONSHIP
―Who will help this child to recognize his successes and give him the courage to step beyond his failures
with dignity?‖
-Adapted from Cassini/Rogers
We all understand what physical abuse is. No one has to explain to us that smacking our spouse is
abusive. It is clear to most all of us that physical abuse can have lasting effects. But what about emotional
abuse? That’s a little more difficult to define.
You can bet that you know it when you feel it. When someone intimidates you by getting in your
face or humiliates you will a snide comment you experience first hand what emotional abuse is all about?
This kind of emotional abuse can rip relationships apart and do just as much damage as physical
abuse. What makes emotional abuse so insidious is people don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’re merely
acting out what was done to them without a clue about the damage they’re doing.
People who were emotionally abused as children may grow up into adults who are extremely
sensitive to any little thing that sounds like criticism. If they were emotionally smothered as children, they
may become adults who cannot bear anything that resembles control.
Equally harmful is emotional blackmail. This occurs when someone manipulates the other person
and who better to do that than a partner who knows the other person’s vulnerabilities. By withholding love,
for example, they blackmail the other person into doing what they want.
They use fear, obligation and guilt like jet fuel to propel the person into doing what they want.
And it works. The trouble is that this comes at a very high price and both people end up paying in terms of
self-esteem, confidence and self-respect.
Just like emotional abuse and blackmail, emotional incest can be difficult to recognize. We may
wonder how caring so much about our children be considered incest. But the truth is that when a parent
takes advantage of their child to fulfill their own needs it is emotional incest.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
WHEN LOVE HURTS: HOW TO HEAL A PAINFUL RELATIONSHIP
Black eyes. Slaps across the face. Punches in the stomach. Physical abuse is easy to recognize.
Physical abuse screams for our attention. But emotional abuse whispers. We try to overlook it. Sometimes it
is so subtle that we don’t even know it is happening to us or that we are doing it to other people. This
seminar will help you see if you are being emotionally abused or if someone else is abusing you. It looks at
how blackmail, incest and rage can wreak havoc on relationships.
What You Will Learn:
What is emotional abuse
How emotionally abusive behavior effects relationships
The damage done by emotional abuse
Why people who have been emotionally abused will pick partners just like the parent who
abused them
How to recover from emotional abuse
What is emotional blackmail
The deadly symptoms of emotional blackmail
The inner world of the blackmailer
Traits that make us vulnerable to blackmail
How to recover from emotional blackmail
What is emotional incest
Consequences of being a chosen child
How to recover from emotional incest
What is rage and resentment
How chronic rage hurts us
How to recognize a rageaholic
How to recover from rageaholism
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
WHEN LOVE HURTS: HOW TO HEAL A PAINFUL RELATIONSHIP
Topic Outline
I. Emotional Abuse and how it affects relationships
A. What is emotional abuse?
1. How it affects our lives
2. Why we do what was done to us
3. The damage done
4. Recovery
B. What is emotional blackmail
1. How it affects our lives
2. Symptoms of emotional blackmail
3. Traits that make us vulnerable to blackmail
4. Recovery
C. What is emotional incest
1. How it affects our lives
2. Consequences of being a chosen child
3. How it hurts
4. Recovery
D. What is rage and resentment
1. How it affects our lives
2. How to express anger appropriately
3. How to know if you are a rageaholic
4. Recovery
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
THE HEALING POWER OF EXPERIENTIAL PSYCHOTHERAPY: WHERE TALK
THERAPY NEVER GOES
―The thoughts that rule our lives from the seemingly safe places within us, can be accessed through
psychodrama, so that wounds rather than fester in the darkness, can come to the light of the stage for
healing, ultimately giving us the courage to renew our lives and dream again.‖
- Tian Dayton
Psychodrama takes people to places that no amount of talk therapy could ever go. Often described
as the ―therapeutic theater of the soul‖ psychodrama unleashes the thoughts and feelings stuck deep inside
us.
Feelings and fears hidden in the crevices of our soul come bubbling to the surface, where they can
at long last be addressed. We are both shocked and relieved by what we feel happening to us. Relief from a
lifetime of pain is ours for the taking.
In psychodrama we are able to role-play pieces of the past and in this safe environment, allow
ourselves to feel the pain we never before dared admit we were suffering with. As we role-play these
experiences they become real to us. From there we can learn more about what happened and why. Most
importantly, we can begin healing.
At first, psychodrama might seem mysterious, even scary. It is for all of us, unfamiliar territory.
But for those willing to take a chance and muster the courage to step into this theater of the soul, the
rewards are immense.
For starters, remember that psychodrama gives us a safe place to act out what is hidden inside us.
We tell our own story with the help of others in the group who step in to act as our mothers, fathers,
sisters and brothers. They help us see with new eyes, things that we were unable to see before.
Our past is illuminated by actions, not words. We feel it in our bones. We see and feel the truth.
There’s nowhere to hide from the truth. In conventional therapy we may try to talk away or around a
problem. But in psychodrama, there’s no chance to deny, rationalize, excuse or intellectualize our experiences.
By facing them head-on we are able to start our recovery process.
The world starts to make more sense to us. We have delved into the darkness inside our souls and
emerged healthier for having taken the chance. We are on the road to understanding our true selves.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
THE HEALING POWER OF EXPERIENTIAL PSYCHOTHERAPY: WHERE TALK
THERAPY NEVER GOES
We are all familiar with talk therapy. But many of us have never heard of psychodrama. Simply
put, it’s a way of acting out scenes from the past that we may have forgotten or ignored. It is a powerful
therapeutic tool that teaches us things about ourselves that we could never learn simply by talking about
our problems. You will learn how psychodrama works quickly to help us resolve the past and get on with
our lives.
What You Will Learn:
What is psychodrama
How psychodrama can help you resolve internal conflicts
How role-playing taps forgotten feelings
How to look at your life with new eyes
How psychodrama can help you unravel those negative tapes that are constantly playing in
your head
How psychodrama provides a therapeutic alternative to self-medicating to relieve pain.
How it helps you work on the source of the trauma
How psychodrama can help elevate the immune system through role-playing
Learn new behaviors that better meet our needs
How we can relive negative experiences and replace them with healing experiences.
How to explore your life in a safe environment
How to restore your long lost spontaneity and rediscover joy
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
THE HEALING POWER OF EXPERIENTIAL PSYCHOTHERAPY: WHERE TALK
THERAPY NEVER GOES
Topic Outline
I. Discovering Yourself through the Theater of the Soul
A. What is psychodrama
1. An active approach to the psyche
2. A way to safely explore the past
3. A way to gain insight into pain and release it
4. A way of doing, undoing and then doing again differently.
B. How does psychodrama work?
1. It is built on a foundation of safety and trust
2. Role-playing is used to explore the past
3. There is a protagonist as the central character
4. The protagonist experiences what happened to them through role-playing
C. What happens in the psychodrama group?
1. Unspoken truths and unfelt feelings are expressed
2. The group provides a window into the unconscious
3. We access the script that we have used to live our life
4. We learn what triggers negative emotions
D. What the body knows
1. The body remembers what the mind forgets
2. Traumatic memories are stored in the brain
3. When you’re hysterical it’s historical
4. Fight, flight and freeze responses are common
E. The benefits of psychodrama
1. It’s an action method and helps us understand emotions quickly
2. It can lead to new behaviors and roles
3. It provides the opportunity to fill in some of the gaps in our life
4. It allows us to explore our life in a safe environment
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., C.P., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF PAIN
Imagine being 4-years-old and the person you trust most, the person you are totally dependent on
for everything, is too drunk to fix your dinner or tuck you in bed at night. Or maybe they are attentive one
minute, distant the next and so angry an hour later that you're afraid to say anything or even ask for so
much as a glass of milk.
For millions of children, life is filled with fear, confusion and sadness. They never know what t
expect in their home. Will Daddy slap them to the ground if the speak too loud or cover them in kisses? Will
he sink into sullen silence or break out in song? Will he be there tomorrow? The trauma can be as obvious
as the bruises and bumps of physical abuse or as subtle as the look on a child's face ever being emotionally
abused with criticism.
For these children, trauma is not a one-time event. It's a way of life. It's the kind of chronic
trauma that chips away at a child’s heart until he or she turns stone cold inside just to survive another
day.
Children who grow up in homes where chronic trauma is rampant, assume that they are to blame
for all the chaos in their lives. They must be defective, they believe. They must be bad seeds. Why else
would their mother or father behave the way they do? They may develop different defenses to cope with
the chaos. Some may do a really good job of hiding what they feel. Others turn numb inside. All of them
carry the pain of childhood trauma inside them.
The desperation, guilt and shame that surrounds childhood trauma does not go away once a little
boy matures into a man or a girl becomes a woman. Adults might act as if they have forgotten about the
horrible experiences of their past. They might even convince themselves that the trauma of their childhood
was not so bad. But the trauma of yesterday settles into the soul and stays there. It cannot be wished
away or forgotten.
It not only stays there, it gets passed on to future generations. Children who are traumatized grow
up into adults that do exactly the same thing to their sons and daughters. Sometimes it's difficult to notice.
Others times it's so obvious it cannot be ignored. But in any case, it hurts the child, just as it did the
parent so long ago.
There is a way out of the pain. Parents can learn about their own childhood trauma and stop
behaviors before they hurt their own children through acts and words. It is possible to change and stop the
pattern. But to do that, parents must understand how trauma occurs and come to grips with what happened
to them. They have to see how being overly critical, controlling or shaming can hurt children. They have to
understand too, that parents who traumatize their children are not bad. They would do better if they could.
There is a way to break the cycle of abuse. This seminar offers a way to begin facing trauma for
our children's sake and for our own.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF PAIN
Recovering from Your Traumatic Childhood helps people see how experiences that they had growing up can
have a profound effect on their adult life. A parent can unknowingly traumatize their child by being overly
critical, shaming or by behaving in other ways that cause immense pain. The trauma can also occur through
physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Children who grow up in alcoholic or dysfunctional homes are also at
risk for becoming adults who find little satisfaction in life and have difficulty sustaining relationships. As
adults they may feel angry, afraid and isolated without understanding the source of their issues. Often they
seek solace in addictions just as their parent did. This seminar helps make sense of a traumatic childhood
and offers ways to heal before another generation is traumatized.
What You Will Learn:
Why childhood trauma is the single most important public health challenge in the United States
How trauma affects a child
The difference between "single event" trauma and "chronic" trauma
How growing up in an addicted home causes chronic trauma
What the "victim mythology" is and how it affects a person's worldview
The effect of unconscious parenting
What a symbiotic relationship is and how it affects the child
How having an overly critical, shaming or perfectionist parents effects the child
How the wounds of childhood trauma affect the adult
Ways that an adult repeats the patterns of their childhood trauma
How to develop "empowering tools"for breaking the cycle of abuse
How to recover from childhood trauma and stop the cycle before it effects another generation
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: BREAKING THE CYCLE OF PAIN
Topic Outline
I. How Trauma Occurs During Childhood
A. You will Learn How
1. What exactly trauma is
2. How "single event" trauma affects children
3. How "chronic" trauma affects children
4. How inconsistencies, chaos and stress affect children
5. How "relationship trauma" creates an internal earthquake
B. Ways that Children are Traumatized
1. Being ignored by a caregiver
2. Growing up in addicted homes
3. Being physical or emotionally abused
4. Being sexually abused
5. Being overly criticized or shamed
6. Feeling like an unlovable victim
C. Childhood Defenses against Trauma
1. Withdrawing or acting out
2. Pursuing protection against danger
3. Advertising one's self as weak or harmless
4. Using drugs or alcohol
II. What is Unconscious Parenting?
A. Ways Unconscious Parents Behave
1. Using the child as a poison container
2. Repeating patterns from our own childhood
3. Handling conflicts just as our parents did
B. Effects of Unconsciously Parenting
1. What a symbiotic relationship is
2. How blaming, distancing, and emotional incest affect the child
3. Why unconsciously parenting is hard to detect
C. The Effects of this Wounding
1. The child represses or rejects parts of the themselves
2. The child becomes self-absorbed
3. The child protects her solve, vulnerable inner self
4. The child disguises the parts of herself she believes he should hide
5. Self-hatred is born
III. Breaking the Cycle of Pain
A. Children who are overly protected or emotionally smothered
1. Why they take on their parent's characteristics, beliefs and values
B. Children who are overly controlled and tyrannized
1. How they internalize their parent's critical voice
2. How they can learn to quiet their critical inner voice.
C. Children who are criticized or shamed
1. How they direct their anger inward and develop self-hatred
2. How they defend against shame by projecting it onto others
D. Using your "Empowering Tools"
1. Find a good therapist and Twelve-Step Group
2. Place what was done to you in the context of your family history
3. Manage emotions
4. Have equal relationships
5. Work on gaining independence from your parents
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., C.P., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 1)
―Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.‖
- Christian Nestell Bovee
We hear it in the voices of those who have lost someone they love. We see it everyday on the
obituary page of the newspaper. Death is all around us. But we go to extraordinary lengths to deny it. And
it's not just death that we hide from. We squash our feelings when we lose a job, end a marriage or bury a
beloved pet. A loss of any sort turns our world upside down. But we tell ourselves we must push on. We
cannot make others around us uncomfortable by clinging to the loss. The pain can be at once excruciating
and numbing. No wonder we try so hard to avoid it. But it is through grieving that we learn life's greatest
lessons. It is through facing the pain that we move from numbing grief to recovery.
This two-part seminar introduces us to the way we grieve — or perhaps more accurately, how we
fail to grieve — in our culture. It examines the stages that must be experienced and then it shows us why
so many of us have our grief work cut out for us.
It looks at the task of mourning and why it is so easy to get stuck anywhere along the way. We
all know people who refuse to love again after the loss of a spouse. We have heard of mothers who keep
their lost child's bedroom exactly as it was a decade ago and others who cling to the past, steadfastly
refusing to go on with their life. Grief can get complicated. This seminar helps sort out the differences
between normal grief and something more complicated that requires therapy.
This seminar also focuses on how to help someone else who is grieving. It gives us concrete steps
to take that can really help someone with a loss. It teaches us what to say and what not to say to someone
caught in the turmoil of loss.
Finally, it looks at recovery and what we must do if we are to become a part of the world again.
At some time during our life, all of us will experience loss. There's no escaping it. It taps us on the shoulder
when we are least prepared for it. Through this seminar we can come to understand what happens when we
try to run away from loss and what we have to learn from our loss.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 1)
At some point in life, all of us must face a loss. Our mother dies, we get fired from our job or we get a
serious illness. Any loss must be grieved, but in our society we strive to keep a stiff upper lip. We deny
death. We force ourselves to move on with life. But grief is a part of life and as hard as we try to deny it,
there's no escaping it. If we are to truly heal, we must grieve. Only then can we recover from a loss and
learn to live with it in a way that frees us to enjoy the rest of our days.
What You Will Learn:
How our culture denies death
How any loss — a pet, a job, an empty nest — triggers grief
Why funerals and other rituals are important
How to help someone who is grieving
What unhealthy grief looks like
What the stages of grief are
How to do grief work
Why we feel so awkward around someone who is grieving
What to say to someone who has lost a loved one
When it's time to seek professional help
How we get stuck in our grief
How to begin healing from a loss
Why patience is so important
What happens if we skip a step in the grieving process
How we take our losses into our future relationships
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 1)
Topic Outline
I. Grief in Our Culture
A. You will Learn
1. Why we deny death
2. Why there is such secrecy in our culture
3. How our society lives with loss
4. How any loss needs to be grieved
B. The Role of Grief in Healing
1. Why just surviving is not enough
2. How to process pain and move forward
3. Ways we get stuck in our loss
4. What happens when we fail to grieve
C. What happens in the psychodrama group?
1. How to do grief work
2. How to discharge feelings of chronic distress
3. How grief that is not expressed stifles our aliveness
4. How we can heal our child within
D. Helping Someone Grieve
1. Rules we learned for unhealthy grieving
2. What to say to someone who is grieving
3. What our body languages says to someone grieving
4. Concrete ways to support a grieving friend or loved one
E. Why We Must Mourn
1. How to face the future after loss
2. What happens if we skip a stage of grief
3. What healthy mourning looks like
4. How we learn to live again
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., C.P., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 2)
―You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present.‖
- Jan Glidewell
In the beginning, grief stops us in out tracks, leaving us numb and unable to feel or care about
anything. As time passes, we hope the next day or the day after that will bring some relief. But the pain
does not start to fade, not even a little bit. We fear life will never be as it once was, before a loss
hammered us to the ground. We stay stuck, frozen by a loss we cannot begin to fully understand.
When grief hangs on, when we remain numb or in such excruciating misery that we find it hard to
get through each day, it may be time to look at our grief in a new way. The normal grieving process has
turned into something more. It's become unhealthy.
What we have failed to truly grieve has turned into a grievance. We have abandoned ourselves and
in the process triggered even more pain. If we are to recover, we must have the courage to mourn our
losses. We must feel the feelings we have tried to hard to numb out. We must face what we have loss head-
on. Why should we put ourselves through such a painful process? We must because the wound to our heart
simply will not heal on its own. There's no Band-Aid large enough to cover it; no medicine strong enough to
cure it.
Try to ignore grief and it will tag along anyway. Try as we might to shake it away, grief returns
again and again. It sneaks into our relationships. We may unconsciously fear that we will lose the next love
of our life just as we did the first. Or we may find it impossible to ever consider loving again. We can try
to numb it away, but the loss will burn a hole in our souls.
We may try so hard to avoid pain, that we never move on to the next step of the grieving process. Over
time a loss never mourned can turn into complicated grief. Maybe our father was an alcoholic and we tell
ourselves we are better off without him. Or we see no reason to grieve the grandmother who beat us.
In our zest to move on without mourning, we drive ourselves further into despair. This can cause
confusion that stretches out for decades. Psychodrama, or experiential psychotherapy, is one way to help us
move the grieving process along. It gives us a safe place to experience the loss and break through the
emotional barriers that keep us stuck. We are able to speak the words that were never said. Finally we are
able to heal. At last we are able to recover from our loss.
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 2)
Grieving is such a confusing and painful process. Sometimes we tell ourselves we have mourned our loss and
moved on when really all we have done is numbed it out. That never works and over time it causes even
more pain. It can be hard to know the difference between normal grieving and a more serious problem. We
may find ourselves unable to rejoin life. We find it impossible to start new relationships or find another job.
We find no meaning in life. This seminar looks at unsuccessful grief and why it becomes so difficult to
move on. It also examines ways we can start to heal and how tools such as experiential psychotherapy or
psychodrama can kick-start the grieving process and help us develop the courage to mourn our losses.
Finally, we learn what we must do in order to heal our broken heart.
What You Will Learn:
What exactly is successful grief
How our grief turns into grievances
The important function grief serves
What disenfranchised loss is
What the Four Stages of Grief are
How to know when we have finished grieving
What happens if we don't resolve our losses
How our grief creeps into future relationships
What unhealthy grief does to us
How experiential psychotherapy or psychodrama can help someone heal
Why it is so important to have the courage to mourn
The rewards of working through grief
How we are able to find meaning in life again
This free class will be offered on: _______________________________________
At: _______________ In: _________________________________________________
For information: Mark Felber, LPC, LCDC, C.P., CET II at (214) 796-2323. Or go to his web site at
www.MarriageCPR.com
GRIEVING LIFE'S LOSSES: DEVELOPING THE COURAGE TO MOURN (PART 2)
Topic Outline
I. Unsuccessful Grief and How it Affects Our Lives
A. You will Learn
1. How normal grief strays off course
2. Why we pretend to be Super-Human
3. How we try to ignore our feelings and shut out the loss
4. What the purpose of grief is
B. What is Disfranchised Loss
1. How it differs from other types of losses
2. How addictions affect grief
3. How our early childhood wounds affect grief
4. The role psychodrama plays in resolving disfranchised loss
C. The Stages of Grief
1. How numbness starts the grieving process
2. Why we yearn and search for our lost loved one
3. How disorganization, anger and despair make this stage so painful
4. Reorganization allows us to finally accept reality and embrace life
D. TheRole of Experiential Psychotherapy or Psychodrama in Grief Work
1. How experiential psychotherapy helps with the grieving process
2. Ways we can use psychodrama to say the words we never got the chance to say
3. Why psychodrama is so effective in helping us mourn the losses we wrongfully assume
we have no need to grieve, such as the death of an abusive parent or an unhappy marriage
4. How psychodrama addresses our losses in a way talk therapy cannot
E. Resolving Grief Successfully
1. The characteristics of people who succeed in grief therapy
2. How we can find the places where we got stuck and heal them
3. How to know when we are successfully moving through grief
4. When it really is time to rejoin life
Human Connections Counseling Services
Mark Felber L.P.C., L.C.D.C., C.P., CET II
Plano, Texas
Office: (214) 796-2323
www.MarriageCPR.com
WHAT PARTICIPANTS SAY ABOUT MARK FELBER’S SEMINARS
``Mark is a dynamic speaker and shares excellent knowledge that applies to all of us. And the more
knowledge we have the more capable, effective, and happy we can be. The information was direct and
presented in a manner that was accessible and easy to understand.’’
-- Joe M.
__________
``Mark hit the nail on the head with relationship challenges. His presentation style is dynamic. I liked the
practical tips about the real truth that really hurts relationships. The examples used helped me to clarify
many issues. I was impressed by his ability to share applicable relationship skills concisely and
enthusiastically.’’
-- M. Marx
__________
``Mark’s seminar is valuable because couples will learn to communicate with each other instead of going in
different directions. What was most valuable for me was learning to understand how childhood hurts affect
current relationships. I was impressed with Mark’s ability to answer and clarify questions.’’
-- William G.
__________
``We live in a run-away society, and Mark’s seminar helps us face problems that we unconsciously bring
from childhood. We receive an unrealistic view of love from Hollywood and the media. I was impressed with
Mark’s abilities to share examples from his work with couples.
-- Steve J.
__________
``His seminar was most definitely worthwhile. If you have patience you can take away a lot of insight. I
liked Mr. Felber’s abrupt use of common examples to help you understand. This is someone who has lived
and seen enough of these scenarios to help in detail.’’
-- Mark H.
__________
WHAT CLIENTS SAY ABOUT MARK FELBER
``Counseling with Mark is valuable because it enables you to explore your past and connect with your
maladaptive behavior, helping you to understand why and showing you how to change. The most important
thing to me is receiving constant validation, love and support. I always leave feeling better about myself. I
like Mark’s style because it is very interactive. I am doing a lot of the work but so is he. You don’t see the
typical nod of the head, pen in hand. What you do see is a concerned and committed man. You sense that
you are very important to him. I was impressed by his ability to bring out hidden issues of which I was
not aware. He has a skill of getting you to feel different feelings. Problems become clearer and easier to
handle.’’
-- Marcia W.
__________
``Mark is a very caring individual who is honestly connected with others’ needs for recovery and change.
He has the ability to lead a person through difficult issues and bring about a positive direction. I liked the
fact that Mark has `been there.’ He’s not one of those counselors who put on airs of being better than you
and he is willing to be vulnerable or transparent enough to share of his own recovery in order to help you
with your issues. I was impressed by his ability to know what direction to take the session. He seems to
know exactly when to change the direction if what is going on is not producing results.’’
-- Jane P.
__________
``Mark offered me an alternative to the lifestyle that I so desperately wanted to change but could not
change on my own. I needed an objective and informed point of view and that is exactly what he gave me.
I liked the casual yet professional approach that he takes in his sessions. Mark dispelled the myths of the
stern, detached, or heavy-handed counselor that I had become accustomed to. I was impressed by his ability
to cut to the issues at the core of a problem. His abilities to identify and treat behavior have amazed me.
My life has improved drastically after seeking treatment with Mark.’’
-- John R.
__________
