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TODAY’S FOCUS
PHOTO CREDIT TK PHOTOGRAPH BY TOM GRILL/CORBIS
COMMITMENT
BY ERIC V. COPAGE
After commitment,
don’t forget
your finances
love &
money
After years of dating someone special, you’ve found yourself taking a step toward
further commitment. Perhaps you are moving in together or getting married.
But have you asked yourselves who will pay the bills or how your nances will
intertwine? It may sound unromantic, but answers to those and similar questions
will help to keep your relationship on track and to avoid potential con icts.
“Money is the No. 1 thing couples report as starting arguments,” says
Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the
University of Denver, who conducted a survey on the topic. In another poll,
published last year by USA Today, nearly two-thirds of married couples inter-
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viewed said they had few or no conversations prior to their wedding about
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creating a joint nancial strategy. These ndings are not surprising, given Amer-
ica’s outlook on love and money. “We live in a society where it is not polite to 11
talk about money,” says Neale S. Godfrey, a lecturer and the author of Making
TODAY’S FOCUS
PHOTOGRAPH BY OLE GRAF/ZEFA/CORBIS
Change: A Woman’s Guide to Designing Her
Financial Future. “In our society, we focus on
the emotional side: ‘I love you. I trust you.
Money is not important.’ But money is the
business side of the relationship.”
Godfrey says that couples should gure out
early on if they have similar nancial temper-
aments and goals. “If there’s a big di erence
in their style, the potential for disagreement is
high,” Godfrey says. “That doesn’t necessar-
ily spell trouble, but it means they should be
aware of their di erent perspectives.”
Assess Your Finances
Moments of monetary truth began accruing
for Michele and Matthew Groner during
their year-long engagement. Matthew, a
33-year-old project manager for a commu-
nication and technology company in Man-
hattan, characterizes his nancial person-
ality as “directed” and “buttoned-up.” He
describes Michele, a 32-year-old senior
“
Money is the No. 1 thing couples
marketing manager for an entertainment
company, as “a free spirit, scally.” This com-
report as starting arguments.
”
bination made for a rocky start when it came
to joining their nances.
“It was very hard when my wife and I got —Scott Stanley, co-director of the
together, and it kept popping up that there was a
Center for Marital and Family Studies
credit card she never told me about with $1,000
on it, and another credit card that she never
told me about that had $2,000 in charges,” Matthew says. Michele by putting finances on a table, literally, and looking at them
admits that she didn’t come clean immediately about her nances together. “Print out all your statements, request copies of
because she was nervous about what her husband was going to say. your individual credit reports, and see how many credit cards
Rosie Amodio, executive editor of newlywed Website you have outstanding,” she says. The information should
The Nest, suggests that couples avoid unpleasant surprises enable couples to understand their nancial standing, including
combined net worth, combined debt and current credit status.
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Maximize Your Benefits
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Key Saver Account
After they assess their joint income and liabilities and gure
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Make saving a snap with the hassle-free Key Saver out how their financial dreams will mesh, a couple should
Account, which includes tiered interest rates. To
TODAY’S FOCUS
march together to their respective employers to coordinate
learn more, stop by your local Key branch, call 1.888.
KEY.1234 or visit Key.com. their bene ts packages, says Eric Tyson, co-author of Personal
Finance for Dummies.“Health insurance is a typical example where
you might be able to get coverage through each other’s plans,”
PHOTOGRAPH BY MARK SCOTT/PHOTOGRAPHER’S CHOICE/GETTY IMAGES
COMMITMENT
he says, speaking to married couples. “If both plans o er similar Many couples, whether they face student loan debt or the in-
bene ts and coverage, there is no point in wasting money on creased rent of a new apartment, blanch at the thought of savings.
double coverage,” he adds. Godfrey, however, doesn’t buy it. “If you’re not able to save, then
“Or one person might have a better retirement savings plan than you’re living above your means,” she maintains, adding that even
the other,” Tyson continues, “and you don’t have enough extra cash cash-strapped couples can put something away as long as they set
each month to maximize both. Decide which you’ll contribute to.” priorities.“You can easily drop 20 bucks a day eating out,” she says.
Tyson also suggests that newly married couples adjust their tax “Brown bag your lunch once or twice a week. If you save $25 a
withholding and rethink their life and disability insurance. week, by the end of the year you’ve paid for your vacation.”
Strategize Your Savings Plan Find the Middle Ground
Like the Groners, Karin Garvey, 34, and Robert Jeremiah, 35, “It was de nitely a struggle for me to hear someone else’s opin-
started thinking about nances early in their relationship, albeit ion about my spending,” says Michele Groner, the “free spir-
informally. “I’m a lawyer and Robert is a teacher, so there has it” side of the nancial equation with her husband. Matthew
always been an income disparity,” says Garvey. Groner, who set up their salaries to go into a joint checking
Conversations about money became more focused when Jer- account and to be distributed among a network of savings ac-
emiah moved into Garvey’s apartment after years of dating. “It’s counts, worked diligently to devise the nancial arrangements.
the rst time we had a plan, because it was the rst time we were Although they went through some uncomfortable moments,
sharing things,” Garvey says. During the year and a half they lived the Groners are glad they put a leash on their spending and set
together before marrying in 2005, Jeremiah focused on getting up savings accounts. “From where we started to where we got
his nancial house in order. He paid o his various debts while to within a year is night and day,” Michele says. When asked
Garvey covered all household expenses. how he and his wife managed to have ongoing conversations
Some of the nancial arrangements that the couple made about a contentious subject, Matthew says, “When discussions
while living together have continued into their marriage. Un- turn into arguments or tearful ghts, you know that you have
like the Groners, who split their bills and gave themselves equal to resolve the issue at a di erent time.
personal allowances, Garvey and Jeremiah take care of their own “And maybe the ‘buttoned-up’ person needs to change and
personal expenses. She pays their joint living expenses, mortgage be a little less rigid,” he adds. “And maybe the ‘free spirit’ needs
bill and travel costs, and although both have 401(k) retirement to realize that the other party isn’t criticizing them. It’s not per-
accounts, she is the main contributor to their savings elsewhere. sonal. It’s about trying to do what’s best for both of you.”
Cohabitation and Good Financial Habits
Today there are almost Even if you are not getting Consider drawing up a Although some couples
11 million people in the married, sit down together “cohabitation agreement,” may fear that planning will
U.S. living with a partner to agree on key financial suggests Frederick Hertz, put a damper on the warmth
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outside of marriage. While issues before you combine co-author of Living Together: of the relationship, Hertz
some couples have no inten- households. Discuss who will A Legal Guide for Unmarried disagrees. “I think getting
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tion of tying the knot, others pay bills and what short- Couples. The agreement to know your partner’s debt
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see moving in together as term financial goals you may would cover such things as level and his or her attitude
TODAY’S FOCUS
a trial run before marriage. share. Planning will be espe- the payment of debt, prop- about money and building
It’s convenient, and couples cially helpful if you expect erty ownership and health an exit plan if things don’t
can save money on rent and to pool money or purchase insurance if it’s available work out is actually a way of
other living expenses. property together. through an employer. getting closer,” he says.