Planning Life-Changing Retreats
Plus
Fabulous New Forum Exercises
Personal
& Family
Retreat
Business
Your Forum
& Leadership
GLC 2005 pg 1
Panelists
• Carrie Stone
• Terry Plochman
• Kevin McHugh
• Ken Tyler
GLC 2005 pg 2
We are here on Earth
to do good for others.
What the others are here for,
I do not know.
- W. H. Auden
(1907–1973)
GLC 2005 pg 3
My life has a superb cast but I can't
figure out the plot.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
UC Berkeley 'street' philosopher
GLC 2005 pg 4
• Results Of A Life-Changing
Retreat
• Building Blocks of Life-Changing
Retreats
Terry Plochman
GLC 2005 pg 5
Results Of A Life-Changing Retreat
1. Unexpected “ah-hah‟s.”
2. Deeper relationships with other members.
3. A deeper relationship with yourself.
4. Transferable skills valuable outside the
Forum.
GLC 2005 pg 6
Results Of A Life-Changing Retreat
5. A new, or renewed, connection with your
sense of meaning and purpose
6. A new, or renewed, connection with your
Forum‟s sense of meaning and purpose
7. New capacities, capabilities.
8. Improved emotional intelligence
GLC 2005 pg 7
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
1. Safety & Trust
2. Leadership Carrie
3. Being Present
4. Listening
5. Risk-Taking
6. Group Dynamics / Maintenance Ken & Terry
7. Exercises and discussions with: Exercise Handouts
o The “Fundamental Question”
o Introspection
o Disclosure
o Mirroring
8. Solidarity-Building Experiences
9. Truth-Telling Kevin
10. One-on-One Terry
11. Playfulness and Seriousness
12. Flexibility
GLC 2005 pg 8
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
6. Group Dynamics / Maintenance
Tasks Maintenance/Process
– Pre-work – Pre-retreat interviews
– Exercises or survey
– Recreation – Checking in.
– Meals – How am I doing as a
– Logistics member of this group?
– What‟s up right now?
– Where are we going?
– Am I truly present?
– Formal Closing.
GLC 2005 pg 9
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
8. One-on-One
Given a Forum
of n members
p ( n 1)
p #of Pairs
p 0
GLC 2005 pg 10
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
Constraints:
Budget
Skills
Group Stage
Fear/Apprehension
GLC 2005 pg 11
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
Constraints
Budget: A Forum is only as wealthy as its least wealthy
member
Skills: Hire a resource, build someone‟s skills, or use retreat to
develop skills. Doesn‟t have to be the moderator who has the
skills.
Group Stage: Work on safety, trust, inclusion and conflict
management as the foundation for life-changing retreats. Use
retreats to move group to next stage.
Apprehension: Recognize it and differentiate between
discomfort and danger.
GLC 2005 pg 12
12 Building Blocks of
Life-Changing Retreats
Planning
Step #1: Consultation & Assessment
Step #2: Brainstorming Elements
Step # 3: Turn Elements into an Agenda
(refer to page 56 – 58 of Retreat workbook)
GLC 2005 pg 13
The Role of Group Dynamics
Ken Tyler
GLC 2005 pg 14
The Role of Group Dynamics
Why are Group Dynamics Important?
• Knowing how group dynamics work helps you
understand and transform your Forum
• Tracking your Forum dynamics will help you see
what the group needs
• Working your Forum dynamics can effect
individual and group change
GLC 2005 pg 15
The Role of Group Dynamics
How Group Dynamics Work
Negative Forum Positive Forum
Group Dynamics Group Dynamics
Reveal cracks in the Set the stage for
Forum„s shell new adventures
GLC 2005 pg 16
The Role of Group Dynamics
Tracking: That “Team Coach Feeling”!
• Tracking is watching:
– Who talks most? Who talks least?
– Who takes risks? Who does not?
– Who gravitates to whom?
– Group and Foruming Processes
– How do decisions get made?
– Who is “in” and who is “out”
– Who is “on top” and who is not?
– How do members position themselves?
Tracking:See Retreat Workbook page 15
GLC 2005 pg 17
The Role of Group Dynamics
How To Use Group Dynamics
Three significant functions to use group
dynamics for life changing retreats:
1. Catalysing
2. Peaking
3. Synergising
GLC 2005 pg 18
The Role of Group Dynamics
Catalyze Forum’s Movement
to A Higher Phase
• Organize tasks together can accentuate group
behavior desired and can build solidarity
– Build & strengthen One-on-One Relationships
– Break up any “sub-groupings”
– Go for consensus on decisions
– Support and include those who are not yet “in”
– Reposition space for more equitable interactions
– Dismantle hierarchies
– Formations, positioning and space planning
Solidarity-Building Experiences: See Retreat Workbook page
GLC 2005 pg 19
The Role of Group Dynamics
Peaking The Retreat Experience
• Each retreat you take on is an
opportunity to reach an “intensity” high point
• Each “intensity” High Point is an
opportunity to grow
GLC 2005 pg 20
The Role of Group Dynamics
Why Peaking?
• The mental fortitude gained from
consistently exceeding your perceived limits
is what makes transformation so life-altering.
• This discomfort felt from exerting maximum effort
is only momentary.
• Your sense of accomplishment, however, will
not only endure, but it will also develop into healthy
confidence in all areas of your life.
• It boils down to this: the further you learn to push
yourself, the greater your opportunity for growth.
GLC 2005 pg 21
The Role of Group Dynamics
Peaking The Intensity: Group Dynamics Tips
• Stepwise progression of activities and
events toward the breakthru event or activity.
• Target the combinations and permutations to
enhance the chances of “breakthroughs” to
intense transformations.
– Who is supportive to whom?
– Who is challenging for whom?
– Who needs supporting?
– Who needs challenging?
GLC 2005 pg 22
The Role of Group Dynamics
Synergizing During The Retreat
New levels can only emerge from new
combinations of things different in form,
function, perspective
If you always do
what you have always done,
you will always get
what you have always gotten.
GLC 2005 pg 23
The Role of Group Dynamics
Synergizing Tips
• Create a “Team charter” a “Team-spirit”
• Cultivate “Appreciative Commentary”
• Create interdependence – dependent upon
one another to achieve a collective goal
• Add new ingredients: risk, exposure, fear,
novelty, exhileration
GLC 2005 pg 24
The Role of Group Dynamics
Synergist Techniques
• Adventure learning
– Wilderness and/or outdoor activities
• Team-based training
– Work in a unit toward a common goal
• Action learning
– Giving Forum an actual problem to work with
GLC 2005 pg 25
The Role of Group Dynamics
Designing Breakthroughs
• Track how Forum works together.
• Do a pre-retreat assessment of your Forum.
• Design your retreat around your understanding
of the Forum:
– Involving the members in planning the retreat.
– Select the right members to initiate the right activities.
– Create diad and triad groupings using what
you know of the group to enhance the chances
of “breakthroughs.”
– Select activities that mix in new and different ingredients.
Assessments: See Retreat Workbook
GLC 2005 pg 26
It‟s Time to Tell the Truth
Kevin McHugh
GLC 2005 pg 27
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Retreats are a great time to explore and learn
about the power of honesty delivered with
compassion.
“If your Forum can’t tell you,
then who will?”
GLC 2005 pg 28
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Power of Forum
My decision to make your life‟s challenges
and opportunities one of my primary
concerns.
GLC 2005 pg 29
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Access to the Power
• Trusting
• Honesty
• Speaking Your Truth
• Accepting Truth As Experienced By Other
Members
GLC 2005 pg 30
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Trusting
What I share openly won‟t be used or
responded to in a way that causes pain.
• Material Pain…Breach in Confidentiality
• Emotional Pain…Embarrassment,
Inadequacy, Fear, Anger, Sadness, Shame
Requires Skill, Faith, Risk-Taking
GLC 2005 pg 31
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Truth-Telling Questions
• What do I really feel and think about you
and what you are doing and saying?
• What do you really feel and think about me
and what I am doing or saying?
We explore our blind spots, broken
records, vulnerabilities and opportunities
GLC 2005 pg 32
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
One Truth About The Truth
• It is impossible NOT to have a judgment,
opinion, feeling, or reaction about another
member
• Being “non-judgmental” on the inside is
NOT an option. It shows up no matter
what.
GLC 2005 pg 33
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Speaking Your Truth
Sharing your truth in a manner, style and
motivation that communicates love,
acceptance and compassion IS THE ONLY
OPTION.
It’s not WHAT we say, but HOW we say it.
Speaking Non-Judgmentally is the key.
GLC 2005 pg 34
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Truth-Telling Skills
• What is your motive? Where are you really
coming from with your reaction to the
member? Is this about me or about my care
for the member?
• If I truly care about the member I speak
carefully – FULL OF CARING
GLC 2005 pg 35
It„s Time To Tell The Truth
Issues Clearing or Clean Talk
A method to manage and contain emotion
during difficult dialogue that is not effective in
an informal style.
– Mirroring
• Facts
• Feelings
• Judgments
• Wants
GLC 2005 pg 36
Why Use Professional Resources
Carrie Stone
GLC 2005 pg 37
Why Use Professional Resources
For A Retreat
1. An outside facilitator helps the Forum by:
• Shifting most of the content planning and
workload to the facilitator
• Creating a partner for the moderator
• Allowing the moderator to act more fully as a
participant
2. A professionally trained facilitator can lead
Forum members to a deeper point of
intimacy and facilitate break through
honesty and vulnerability.
GLC 2005 pg 38
Why Use Professional Resources
For A Retreat
3. An independent resource can assess
group dynamics to enhance the Forum
experience for all
4. As an intervention to get the group moving
again or a Forum in crisis
5. Provide new stimulating exercises
6. Explore and suggest new topics
7. Help to facilitate exposure to different
styles, interests, strengths and experiences
GLC 2005 pg 39
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Ken Tyler
GLC 2005 pg 40
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
• Create anticipation
• Get “buy-in” to agenda
• Hit the ground running: establish the
uniqueness of the experience and prepare
members for it
• Identify the key “buttons” to help Forum
move forward including conflict
GLC 2005 pg 41
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Retreat Pre Work
Imperative:
– Free Forum Survey http://forums.ypo.org
– Forum Diagnostic (US$99 per Forum)
http://www.ypoforumdiagnosticsurvey.com
Strongly Recommended:
– Activity or Special Interest Survey
– Sociometric 360°
Recommended:
– Other assessments/inventories as appropriate to Forum
– Have members prepare “artifacts/sociofacts” from
their lives
– Have members keep a log
– Review achievements since previous retreat and prepare
goals for upcoming year
GLC 2005 Assessments: See Retreat Workbook pg 42
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Conduct an Activity or
Special Interest Survey
Select something you would not
otherwise do outside of Forum
GLC 2005 pg 43
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Conduct A Sociometric 360°
Understand yourselves and your internal
Forum relationships
GLC 2005 pg 44
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Other Assessments/Inventories
• Conflict Management Styles
• Leadership Profile
• Love Maps
• Life Maps
• Family metrics
GLC 2005 pg 45
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Have members bring
• Artifacts
• Sociofacts
GLC 2005 pg 46
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Have members keep a log on
• Fitness
• Diet
• Time management etc.
• Gratitudes
• Fears
GLC 2005 pg 47
The Benefits Of Pre-Work
Review achievements since previous retreat
and prepare goals for upcoming year
Distribute those sealed envelopes from last
year„s retreat„s goal setting session and have
everyone prepare their goals for the upcoming
year in their chosen fields
– Relationships
– Career
– Health and fitness
– Finance
– Spirituality
– Emotions and Intellect
GLC 2005 pg 48
" The real voyage of discovery
consists not in making new
landscapes…
but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust
GLC 2005 pg 49