"Managers can't manage if they can't communicate with their unit members."
Definition of a “Difficult Person”: “People who either do not do what we want them to or do what we do not want them to do.” Four strategies for dealing with difficult people: 1. 2. 3. 4. Stay and do nothing, which includes suffering. Change your attitude – “Sounds like a personal problem to me.” Leave – “Let your feet do your talking.” Some situations aren't worth the effort. Get strategic. This requires that you make the commitment and expend the effort necessary to change their behavior.
Four Elements for Effectively Dealing with Difficult People 1. 2. 3. 4. Know what you want - see, hear, feel, say-Pay close attention-notice behavior changes as they occur Be flexible Make the commitment
Four Basic Types of Difficult People and their Motives and Traits TYPES Ruler “Get it done” Analyzer “Get it right” Relater “Get along” Entertainer “Get appreciated” TRAITS task-focused, assertive, need for control, communication style is direct and to the point task-focused, passive, need for accuracy; communication style is indirect and full of details people-focused, passive, need for approval, doesn't like confrontations; communication style is indirect and considerate people-focused, assertive, need for appreciation and attention, doesn't like being ignored; communication style is direct and enthusiastic
* The key is to recognize who the other person is and who you are right now because people are constantly changing types. Peanut Butter Thinking: Knowing only what you do not want only gets you more of the same. Pacing: Creating a shared experience which reduces the differences between you and your difficult person. This improves your ability to effectively communicate with this person. Backtracking: Stating back to a person what he/she has just said. Clarification questions: who, what, when, where, how, why?
Specific Types of Difficult People and Strategies for Communication: TANK GOAL: Command respect (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) SNIPER Hold your ground Interrupt the interruptions Quickly backtrack the tank Aim at the bottom line Offer peace with honor
GOAL: Bring them out of hiding (1) Stop, look and backtrack (2) Use searchlight questions A. relevancy questions B. what are you really trying to say (3) Use tank strategy if needed (4) If they will talk, listen (5) Suggest a civil future
KNOW IT ALL
GOAL: Open their minds to new ideas (1) Know your stuff (2) Backtrack with respect (3) Take into account their doubts and desires (4) Present alternatives indirectly (5) Turn them into mentors GOAL: Give their bad idea/s the hook (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) Backtrack Ask for specifics Give them a way out; Junk-O-Logic, string their idea together with yours Use I language and documentation to back it up Give credit when credit is due. Avoid negative cycle (you dislike them, so they speak to gain your respect). Give them their moment.
THINK-THEYKNOW-IT-ALL
GRENADE
GOAL: Bring them back to their senses ASAP (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) Gain their attention When contact made, aim at the heart Once they hear you, their intensity will ease Take a break Grenade prevention
MAYBE PERSON
GOAL: Get them to make and follow through with decisions (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) Make it safe for them to be honest Clarify the conflict in terms of making decisions; help them decide; consider alternatives; what's worst or best thing that could happen in Help them make decision; let them model your decision-making process Ensure commitment (a) be specific about the next step, (b) reassure good decisions/support their action but keep some in your court Strengthen the relationship, continue to validate their honesty.
YES PERSON
GOAL: Get them to keep commitment (1) (2) (3) (4) Make honesty safe, long-term: pace them nonverbally for 30 days; shortterm: use people talk - we, us, they Help them focus on task, prioritize (eat the big "frog" first: most timeconsuming, most difficult, etc.) Help plan it out - eliminate past excuses Ensure commitment a. get word of honor b. backtrack c. get it in writing Strengthen the relationship; through casual daily contact and acknowledge and appreciate their honest.
(5) NOTHING PERSON
GOAL: Get them to talk (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) Plan enough time Ask open-ended questions (what?) in an expectant manner/expression; review Guess at what's going on Lighten the situation to change mood (appropriate for kids) Show them the future in terms of the consequences of their behavior
CHRONIC COMPLAINER --NEVER--agree -disagree -try to solve problem -ask why CHRONIC NOPERSON
GOAL: Form problem-solving alliance or have him/her go away Listen for main points Backtrack and clarify, ask for specifics Ask for realistic direction; what do they want to see done? Suggest a course of action: ask them to track in writing-what, who, when, where; ask them to determine solution; give time limit. (5) Complete interaction (get them out the door) GOAL: Maintain perspective and emotional distance (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) View them as resources, don't agree or disagree; backtrack and get details They can be early warning systems; bring up negatives before they do Look for intent, search for positive intent, even if implied, and validate Go for polarity response Include them in the reward to project positive intent on to them (1) (2) (3) (4)
Review of the Nine Steps 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Weight the value, ensure it’s worth it. Eliminate peanut butter: see, hear, feel, say; have vision. Take direct action; summarize goals. Pay close attention to their attitudes and to yours. Think in terms of opportunity, as chances to improve. Positively replay past experience; keep practicing to make it automatic. Mentally believe it's possible to get the results you want; be flexible. Give them a break - may be having personal problems. Self-appreciation; you are willing to do something.
10. Watch the video over and over and think.