CORE CURRICULUM

C O R E C UR R I C UL UM

FOR

SP I R I T UAL E DUC AT I O N





P R E P AR I NG F O R

M AR R I AG E AND F AM I L Y L I F E









“ The Bahá’í teachings do not only encourage marital life,

considering it the natural and normal way of existence for every sane,

healthy and socially-conscious and responsible person,

but raises marriage to the status of a divine institution, its chief and

sacred purpose being the perpetuation of the human race –

which is the very flower of the entire creation – and its elevation

to the true station destined for it by God.”



Shoghi Effendi

Lights of Guidance, 376-377, #1262







P AR T I C I P ANT H ANDBO O K

Journal

Journal

Journal

Journal

C ORE C URRICULUM FOR SPIRITUAL E DUCATION









P REPARING F OR

M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY L IFE









Module One



Self:

Know Your Own Self:

The Foundation For Mar r iage





Devotions



Overview of Module One Themes and Lesson Objectives



Introduction to Module One



Know Your Own Self



Self Has Two Natures



Call Yourself into Account



The Foundation for Marriage



Reflections



Summarizing Module One

Module One Know Your Own Self





Themes

Know Your Own Self

“ ...man should know his own self and recognize that which leadeth unto loftiness or

lowliness, glory or abasement, wealth or poverty.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, TABLETS OF BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, P. 35



Two Natur es

“ Self has really two meanings, or is used in two senses, in the Bahá’í writings; one is self,

the identity of the individual created by God. This is the self mentioned in such passages as ‘he hath

known God who hath known himself etc.’ The other self is the ego, the dark, animalistic heritage

each one of us has, the lower nature that can develop into a monster of selfishness, brutality, lust

and so on. It is this self we must struggle against, or this side of our natures, in order to strengthen

and free the spirit within us and help it to attain perfection.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE SECRET OF DIVINE CIVILIZATION, P. 34-35



The Foundation for Mar r iage

“ O Son of Spirit! I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I

made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being,

why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I molded thee, how

dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing

within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE HIDDEN WORDS, ARABIC #13



Call Your self Into Account

“ O Son of Being! Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning;

for death, unheralded, shall come upon Thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, ARABIC HIDDEN WORDS #31





Lear ning Objectives

KNOWLEDGE To study the writings on knowing our own selves.





WISDOM To understand that human beings have a dual nature.

To understand that we must call ourselves into account daily.





SPIRITUAL To perceive the link between self-knowledge and marriage.

PERCEPTION





ELOQUENT To demonstrate an understanding of our true selves.

' SPEECH'







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 1

W E SHOULD K NOW O UR O WN SELVES







Focus Questions:

• How can you know your own self?

• How can you recognize the things that keep you on the path of your higher nature?









“ ...man should know his own self and recognize that which leadeth unto loftiness or lowliness,

glory or abasement, wealth or poverty.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, TABLETS OF BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, P. 35









“ Could ye apprehend with what wonders of My munificence and bounty I have willed to entrust

your souls, ye would, of a truth, rid yourselves of attachment to all created things, and would

gain a true knowledge of your own selves – a knowledge which is the same as the

comprehension of Mine own Being.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, GLEANINGS, PP. 326-327









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 2

SELF HAS TWO MEANINGS







“ Self has really two meanings . . . one is self, the

identity of the individual created by God . . . The

other self is the ego, the dark, animalistic heritage

each one of us has, the lower nature. . . It is this

self we must struggle against, or this side of our

natures, in order to strengthen and free the spirit

within us and help it to attain perfection.



“ Self-sacrifice means to subordinate this lower

nature and its desires to the more godly and noble

side of ourselves . . .



“ Then He purifies and glorifies our true self until

it becomes a shining and wonderful reality.”

FROM LETTER WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER,

DECEMBER 10, 1947, LIGHTS OF GUIDANCE, PP. 113- 114









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 3

SEARCH FOR OURSELVES







“ The more we search for ourselves,

the less likely we are to find ourselves;

and the more we search for God,

and to serve our fellow-men,

the more profoundly will we become

acquainted with ourselves,

and the more inwardly assured.

This is one of the

great spiritual laws of life.”

FROM A LETTER WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER, FEB 18, 1954









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 4

Lua and the Poison Ivy



As told by Juliet Thompson in

The Diary of Juliet Thompson, pp. 323-326.









Lua, too, went off alone, an exceedingly naughty purpose in her mind. The Master had just

told her that she must leave very soon for California. So now she deliberately walked in poison ivy,

walked back and forth till her feet were thoroughly poisoned. “Now, Julie,” she said (when the deed

was done) “He can’t send me to California.”



That night our Beloved Lord returned to New York. The next morning early I flew up to see

Him, but He sent me at once to Lua, who was staying with Georgie Ralston in a hotel nearby.

She was in bed, her feet terribly swollen from the poison ivy.

“Look at me, Julie,” she said. “Look at my feet. Oh, please go right back to the Master and

tell Him about them and say: ‘How can Lua travel now?’”

I did it, returned to the Master’s house, found Him in His room and put Lua’s question to

Him. He laughed, then crossed the room to a table on which stood a bowl of fruit, and, selecting an

apple and a pomegranate, gave them to me.

“Take these to Lua,” He said. “Tell her to eat them and she will be cured. Spend the day

with her, Juliet.”

Oh precious Lua – strange mixture of disobedience and obedience – and all from love! I

shall never forget her, seizing first the apple, then the pomegranate and gravely chewing them all the

way through till not even a pomegranate seed was left: thoroughly eating her cure, which was certain

to send her to California.

In the late afternoon we were happily surprised by a visit from the Master Himself. He drew

back the sheet and looked at Lua’s feet, which by that time were beautifully slim. Then He burst out

laughing.

“See,” He said, “I have cured Lua with an apple and a pomegranate.”

But Lua revolted again. There was one more thing she could try, and she tried it. The Master

had asked me to paint her portrait and I had already had one sitting. The following day, at the

Master’s house, she drew me aside.

“Please, Julie, do something else for me. Go to the Master, now, and say: ‘If Lua is in

California, how can I paint her?”

I went straight to His room with Valíyu’lláh Khán to translate. “My Lord,” I said, “You have

commanded me to paint Lua. If she is in California and I here, how can I do it? The portrait is

begun; how can I finish it?”

Again the Master burst out laughing, for this of course was too transparent.

“In a year,” He said, “Lua will join Me in Egypt. She will stay in New York a few days on her

way to Me and you can paint her then, Juliet.”

So poor Lua had to go to California. There was no way out for her.



(We never dreamed how soon He would be with her there. – J.T. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá journeyed to California,

arriving in San Francisco on October 1, 1912. Lua made the arrangements for his visit. – Ed.)









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 5

C ALL YOURSELF I NTO ACCOUNT









“ O Son of Being!

Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded,

shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE HIDDEN WORDS









“ . . . Every day, in the morning when arising one should compare today with yesterday and see in

what condition you are. If you see your belief is stronger and your heart more occupied with God

and your love increased and your freedom from the world greater then thank God and ask for the

increase of these qualities. You must begin to pray and repent for all that you have done which is

wrong and you must implore and ask for help and assistance that you may become better than

yesterday so that you may continue to make progress.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, STAR OF THE WEST, VOL. 6,P.68









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 6

UNIVERSAL H OUSE OF J USTICE

G UIDELINES FOR SPIRITUAL T RANSFORMATION

TAKEN FROM 1983 LETTER TO A NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSEMBLY, Lights of Guidance, p. 541









1



The recital each day of one of the Obligatory Prayers

with pure-hearted devotion.





2



The regular reading of the Sacred Scriptures,

specifically at least each morning and evening, with

reverence, attention and thought.





3



Prayerful meditation on the teachings,

so that we may understand them more deeply,

fulfill them more faithfully, and

convey them more accurately to others.





4



Striving every day to bring our behaviour

more into accordance with the high standards

that are set forth in the Teachings.





5



Teaching the Cause of God.





6



Selfless service in the work of the Cause

and in the carrying on of our trade or profession.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 7

My Per sonal Plan









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module One Page 8

C ORE C URRICULUM FOR SPIRITUAL E DUCATION









P REPARING F OR

M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY L IFE









Module Two



Consultation





Devotions



Introduction to Module Two



True Spiritual Consultation



The Nature of Consultation



Practicing Consultation



Summarizing Module Two

Module Two Consultation



Themes

Consultation



“ The Great Being saith: The heaven of divine wisdom is illumined with the two luminaries of

consultation and compassion. Take ye counsel together in all matters, inasmuch as consultation is the lamp

of guidance which leadeth the way, and is the bestower of understanding.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, TABLETS OF BAHÁ' U' LLÁH, P. 168



“ The prime requisites for them that take counsel together are purity of motive, radiance of spirit, detachment

from all else save God, attraction to His Divine Fragrances, humility and lowliness amongst His loved ones,

patience and long-suffering in difficulties and servitude to His exalted Threshold. Should they be graciously

aided to acquire these attributes, victory from the unseen Kingdom of Bahá shall be vouchsafed to them….

The members thereof must take counsel together in such wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may

arise. This can be attained when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own opinion and

setteth forth his argument. Should any one oppose, he must on no account feel hurt for not until matters are

fully discussed can the right way be revealed. The shining spark of truth cometh forth only after the clash of

differing opinions.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ - COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL 1, P. 95









Lear ning Objectives



KNOWLEDGE To study the Writings on the process of consultation







WISDOM To understand the purpose of consultation







SPIRITUAL To discern the need to use the process of consultation in one’s daily life.

PERCEPTION







ELOQUENT To demonstrate the use of consultation to resolve conflicts, solve problems, and make

‘SPEECH’ decisions.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Two Page 1

T RUE SPIRITUAL C ONSULTATION

Excerpt from a talk by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá from

Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 72-73







“The most memorable instance of spiritual consultation was the meeting of the disciples of

Jesus Christ upon the mount after His ascension. They said ‘His Holiness Jesus Christ has been

crucified and we have no longer association and intercourse with Him in His physical body; therefore

we must be loyal and faithful to Him, we must be grateful and appreciate Him, for He has raised us

from the dead, He made us wise, He has given us eternal life. What shall we do to be faithful to

Him?’ And so they held council. One of them said ‘We must detach ourselves from the chains and

fetters of the world; otherwise we cannot be faithful.’ The others replied, ‘That is so.’ Another said

‘Either we must be married and faithful to our wives and children or serve our Lord free from these

ties. We cannot be occupied with the care and provision for families and at the same time herald the

kingdom in the wilderness. Therefore let those who are unmarried remain so, and those who have

married provide means of sustenance and comfort for their families and then go forth to spread the

message of glad-tidings.’ There were no dissenting voices; all agreed, saying, ‘That is right.’ A

third disciple said, ‘To perform worthy deeds in the kingdom we must be further self-sacrificing.

From now on we should forgo ease and bodily comfort, accept every difficulty, forget self and teach

the Cause of God.’ This found acceptance and approval by all the others. Finally a fourth disciple

said, ‘There is still another aspect to our faith and unity. For Jesus' sake we shall be beaten,

imprisoned and exiled. They may kill us. Let us receive this lesson now. Let us realize and resolve

that though we are beaten, banished, cursed, spat upon and led forth to be killed, we shall accept all

this joyfully, loving those who hate and wound us.’ All the disciples replied, ‘Surely we will – it is

agreed; this is right.’ Then they descended from the summit of the mountain and each went forth in a

different direction upon his divine mission.





“This was true consultation. This was spiritual consultation and not the mere voicing of

personal views in parliamentary opposition and debate.”









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Two Page 2

The Natur e of Consultation









Consultation is…









Consultation is not. . .









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Two Page 3

C ONSULTATION







1. “ The Great Being saith: The heaven of divine wisdom is illumined with the two luminaries

of consultation and compassion. Take ye counsel together in all matters, inasmuch as consultation

is the lamp of guidance which leadeth the way, and is the bestower of understanding.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, TABLETS OF BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, P. 168



2. “ The prime requisites for them that take counsel together are purity of motive, radiance of

spirit, detachment from all else save God, attraction to His Divine Fragrances, humility and

lowliness amongst His loved ones, patience and long-suffering in difficulties and servitude to His

exalted Threshold. Should they be graciously aided to acquire these attributes, victory from the

unseen Kingdom of Bahá shall be vouchsafed to them. . . .The members thereof must take counsel

together in such wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may arise. This can be attained

when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own opinion and setteth forth his

argument. Should any one oppose, he must on no account feel hurt for not until matters are fully

discussed can the right way be revealed. The shining spark of truth cometh forth only after the clash

of differing opinions.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ – THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL 1, P. 95



3. “ Bahá’u’lláh also stressed the importance of consultation. We should not think this

worthwhile method of seeking solutions is confined to the administrative institutions of the Cause.

Family consultation employing full and frank discussion, and animated by awareness of the need for

moderation and balance, can be the panacea for domestic conflict. . . .”

THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE – THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. 1, P. 412-413



4. “ . . .the principle that the rights of each and all in the family unit must be upheld, and the

advice that loving consultation should be the keynote, that all matters should be settled in harmony

and love, and that there are times when the husband and the wife should defer to the wishes of the

other. Exactly under what circumstances such deference should take place, is a matter for each

couple to determine....”

ON BEHALF OF THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE – THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. 2, P. 385



5. “ Consultation is no easy skill to learn, requiring as it does the subjugation of all egotism and

unruly passions, the cultivation of frankness and freedom of thought as well as courtesy, openness of

mind and wholehearted acquiescence in a majority decision. In this field Bahá’í youth may

demonstrate the efficiency, the vigour, the access of unity which arise from true consultation and, by

contrast, demonstrate the futility of partisanship, lobbying, debate, secret diplomacy and unilateral

action which characterize modern affairs. Youth also take part in the life of the Bahá’í community

as a whole and promote a society in which all generations – elderly, middle-aged, youth, children –

are fully integrated and make up an organic whole. By refusing to carry over the antagonisms and

mistrust between the generations which perplex and bedevil modern society they will again

demonstrate the healing and life-giving nature of their religion.”

THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, WELLSPRING OF GUIDANCE, P. 96









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Two Page 4

C ONSULTATION P RACTICE





“ According to the teaching of Bahá’u’lláh, the family being a human unit must be educated according to the

rules of sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must be

constantly considered and the rights of the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the

son, the father, the mother, none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just as the

son has certain obligations to his father, the father likewise has certain obligations to his son. The mother,

the sister and other members of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and

prerogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained. The injury of one shall be

considered the injury of all; the comfort of each the comfort of all; the honor of one the honor of all.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 168



“ If ye be aware of a certain truth, if ye possess a jewel of which others are deprived, share it with them in a

language of utmost kindliness and good-will. If it be accepted, if it fulfill its purpose, your object is attained.

If any one should refuse it, leave him unto himself, and beseech God to guide him. Beware lest ye deal

unkindly with him. A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men. It is the bread of the spirit, it

clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain of the light of wisdom and understanding...”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, GLEANINGS FROM THE WRITINGS OF BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, P. 289



“ Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light

which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth...The maturity of the gift of understanding is made

manifest through consultation.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 93



“ Family consultation employing full and frank discussion, and animated by awareness of the need for

moderation and balance, can be the panacea for domestic conflict.”

THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 412-413



“ The members thereof must take counsel together in such wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may

arise. This can be attained when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own opinion and

setteth forth his argument. Should anyone oppose, he must on no account feel hurt for not until matters are

fully discussed can the right way be revealed. The shining spark of truth cometh forth only after the clash of

differing opinions.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. 1, P. 95



Question #1

How might one’s specific role in the family influence one’s view of important issues families might face?



Question #2

How can the tool of consultation be taught the family?



Question #3

How does justice and fairness within a family promote love and unity in the family?



Question #4

How does love and unity in the family enhance that family’s well-being and prosperity?



Question #5

What specific practical steps, however small, could help resolve conflict and create unity in the family?





Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Two Page 5

C ORE C URRICULUM FOR SPIRITUAL E DUCATION









P REPARING F OR

M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY L IFE









Module Thr ee



Well-

Pr epar ing a For tr ess for Well-Being



Devotions



Introduction to Module Three and Objectives



The Power of Love



What is Love?



Choosing a Partner



A Chaste and Holy Life: Discuss the Issue!



Chastity: Movie Clip



Chastity and Dating



Summarizing Module Three

Module Thr ee Well-

Pr epar ing a For tr ess for Well-Being



Themes



Love

“ What a power is love! It is the most wonderful, the greatest of all living powers. Love gives life to

the lifeless. Love lights a flame in the heart that is cold. Love brings hope to the hopeless and gladdens the

hearts of the sorrowful. In the world of existence there is indeed no greater power than the power of love.

When the heart of man is aglow with the flame of love, he is ready to sacrifice all – even his life. In the

Gospel it is said God is love . . .”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, PGS. 179-180



A Chaste and Holy Life

“ Briefly stated the Bahá’í conception of sex is based on the belief that chastity should be strictly

practiced by both sexes, not only because it is in itself highly commendable ethically, but also due to its being

the only way to a happy and successful marital life.”

ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI, COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. 1, P. 56



Choosing a Par tner

“ Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment

of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the

character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their

purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and

eternity . . . .”

SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, #86, P. 118



“ If it be possible, gather together these two races, black and white, into one Assembly, and put such

love into their hearts that they shall not only unite but even intermarry. Be sure that the result of this will

abolish differences and disputes between black and white.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD FAITH, P. 359



Lear ning Objectives

KNOWLEDGE To learn the Bahá’í standard for a chaste and holy life through the study of the

Writings.

To identify ways that the current social environment differs from Bahá’í standards.



WISDOM To understand the implications for a chaste and holy life before and within marriage.

To identify ways to uphold Bahá’í standards while living in contemporary society.

To role play strategies for upholding Bahá’í standards of chastity.



SPIRITUAL Identify examples from one’s own life of the power of obedience to Bahá’í law.

PERCEPTION



ELOQUENT To demonstrate understanding of the sharp distinction between Bahá’u’lláh’s standard

‘SPEECH’ and contemporary society.

To develop a practical personal plan for upholding the Bahá’í standard in daily life.

To be able to speak to other youth about what chastity means to you and how it has

influenced you.





Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 1

The Power of Love







1. “ What a power is love! It is the most wonderful, the greatest of all living powers.

Love gives life to the lifeless. Love lights a flame in the heart that is cold. Love brings hope to the

hopeless and gladdens the hearts of the sorrowful. In the world of existence there is indeed no

greater power than the power of love. When the heart of man is aglow with the flame of love, he is

ready to sacrifice all – even his life. In the Gospel it is said God is love . . .”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, PGS. 179-180



2. “ But the love which sometimes exists between friends is not (true) love, because it is subject

to transmutation; this is merely fascination. As the breeze blows, the slender trees yield. If the wind

is in the East the tree leans to the West, and if the wind turns to the West the tree leans to the East.

This kind of love is originated by the accidental conditions of life. This is not love, it is merely

acquaintanceship; it is subject to change...”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 181



3. “ Today you will see two souls apparently in close friendship; tomorrow all this may be

changed. Yesterday they were ready to die for one another, today they shun one another’s society!

This is not love; it is the yielding of the hearts to the accidents of life. When that which has caused

this ‘love’ to exist passes, the love passes also; this is not in reality love . . .”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 181



4. “ Be in perfect unity. Never become angry with one another. Let your eyes be directed

toward the kingdom of truth and not toward the world of creation. Love the creatures for the sake of

God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake

of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will

always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you

will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete

mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness. The

imperfect eye beholds imperfections. The eye that covers faults looks toward the Creator of souls.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 93



5. “ When you love a member of your family or a compatriot, let it be with a ray of the Infinite

Love! Let it be in God, and for God!”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 38.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 2

F OUR K INDS OF L OVE





Love

The F irst Kind of Love

“ There are four kinds of love. The first is the love that flows from God to man; it consists of the

inexhaustible graces, the Divine effulgence and heavenly illumination. Through this love the world of being

receives life. Through this love man is endowed with physical existence, until, through the breath of the Holy

Spirit – this same love – he receives eternal life and becomes the image of the Living God. This love is the

origin of all the love in the world of creation.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 3

F OUR K INDS OF L OVE





The Second Kind of Love

“ The second is the love that flows from man to God. This is faith, attraction to the Divine,

enkindlement, progress, entrance into the Kingdom of God, receiving the Bounties of God, illumination with

the lights of the Kingdom. This love is the origin of all philanthropy; this love causes the hearts of men to

reflect the rays of the Sun of Reality.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 4

F OUR K INDS OF L OVE





The Third Kind of Love

“ The third is the love of God towards the Self or Identity of God. This is the transfiguration of His

Beauty, the reflection of Himself in the mirror of His Creation. This is the reality of love, the Ancient Love,

the Eternal Love. Through one ray of this Love all other love exists.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 5

F OUR K INDS OF L OVE







The F ourth Kind of Love

“ The fourth is the love of man for man. The love which exists between the hearts of believers is

prompted by the ideal of the unity of spirits. This love is attained through the knowledge of God, so that men

see the Divine Love reflected in the hearts. Each sees in the other the Beauty of God reflected in the soul,

and finding this point of similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the

waves of one sea, this love will make them all the stars of one heaven and the fruits of one tree. This love

will bring the realization of true accord, the foundation of real unity.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 6

F OUR K INDS OF L OVE





The F irst Kind of Love

“ There are four kinds of love. The first is the love that flows from God to man; it consists of the

inexhaustible graces, the Divine effulgence and heavenly illumination. Through this love the world of being

receives life. Through this love man is endowed with physical existence, until, through the breath of the Holy

Spirit – this same love – he receives eternal life and becomes the image of the Living God. This love is the

origin of all the love in the world of creation.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180



The Second Kind of Love

“ The second is the love that flows from man to God. This is faith, attraction to the Divine,

enkindlement, progress, entrance into the Kingdom of God, receiving the Bounties of God, illumination with

the lights of the Kingdom. This love is the origin of all philanthropy; this love causes the hearts of men to

reflect the rays of the Sun of Reality.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180



The Third Kind of Love

Love

“ The third is the love of God towards the Self or Identity of God. This is the transfiguration of His

Beauty, the reflection of Himself in the mirror of His Creation. This is the reality of love, the Ancient Love,

the Eternal Love. Through one ray of this Love all other love exists.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180



The F ourth Kind of Love

“ The fourth is the love of man for man. The love which exists between the hearts of believers is

prompted by the ideal of the unity of spirits. This love is attained through the knowledge of God, so that men

see the Divine Love reflected in the hearts. Each sees in the other the Beauty of God reflected in the soul,

and finding this point of similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the

waves of one sea, this love will make them all the stars of one heaven and the fruits of one tree. This love

will bring the realization of true accord, the foundation of real unity.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 180









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 7

BECO MING F AMILIAR WITH THE C HARACTER OF A P ERSON

ECOMING









“ Bahá’í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual

attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly

acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a

tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and

comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity . . . .”

SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, #86, P. 118









“ If it be possible, gather together these two races, black and white, into one Assembly, and

put such love into their hearts that they shall not only unite but even intermarry. Be sure that the

result of this will abolish differences and disputes between black and white.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD FAITH, P. 359









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 8

C HASTE AND H OLY L IFE : DISCUSS THE I SSUE





1. “ Briefly stated the Bahá’í conception of sex is based on the belief that chastity should be strictly

practiced by both sexes, not only because it is in itself highly commendable ethically, but also due to its being

the only way to a happy and successful marital life. Sex relationships of any form, outside marriage, are not

permissible therefore, and whoso violates this rule will not only be responsible to God, but will incur the

necessary punishment from society.

The Bahá’í Faith recognizes the value of the sex impulse, but condemns its illegitimate and improper

expression such as free love, companionate marriage and others, all of which it considers positively harmful

to man and to the society in which he lives. The proper use of the sex instinct is the natural right of every

individual, and it is precisely for this very purpose that the institution of marriage has been established. The

Bahá’ís do not believe in the suppression of the sex impulse but in its regulation and control.”

FROM A LETTER DATED 5 SEPTEMBER 1938 WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER



2. “ Chastity in no way implies withdrawal from human relationships. It liberates people from the

tyranny of the ubiquity of sex. A person who is in control of his sexual impulses is enabled to have profound

and enduring friendships with many people, both men and women, without ever sullying that unique and

priceless bond that should unite man and wife.”

FROM A LETTER DATED 8 MAY 1979 WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER



3. “ The Bahá’í Teachings do not only encourage marital life, considering it the natural and normal

way of existence for every sane, healthy and socially-conscious and responsible person, but raise marriage

to the status of a divine institution, its chief and sacred purpose being the perpetuation of the human race –

which is the very flower of the entire creation – and its elevation to the true station destined for it by God.”

FROM A LETTER DATED 15 APRIL 1939 WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER



4. “ The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and

spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity

throughout all the worlds of God This is Bahá’í marriage.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P. 118

5. “ Such a chaste and holy life, with its implications of modesty, purity, temperance, decency, and

clean-mindedness, involves no less than the exercise of moderation in all that pertains to dress, language,

amusements, and all artistic and literary avocations. It demands daily vigilance in the control on one’s

carnal desires and corrupt inclinations. It calls for the abandonment of a frivolous conduct, with its

excessive attachment to trivial and often misdirected pleasures. It requires total abstinence from all

alcoholic drinks, from opium, and from similar habit-forming drugs. It condemns the prostitution of art and

literature, the practices of nudism and of companionate marriage, infidelity in marital relationships, and all

manner of promiscuity, of easy familiarity, and of sexual vices. It can tolerate no compromise with the

theories, the standards, the habits, and the excesses of a decadent age. Nay rather it seeks to demonstrate,

through the dynamic force of its example, the pernicious character of such theories, the falsity of such

standards, the hollowness of such claims, the perversity of such habits, and the sacrilegious character of

such excesses.”

SHOGHI EFFENDI, THE ADVENT OF DIVINE J USTICE, P. 25



6. “ . . . the beloved Guardian has . . . condemned easy familiarity and frivolous conduct. Certainly, the

practice of indiscriminate kissing and embracing involving unrelated people of opposite sexes is not

desirable and is discouraged.”

THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, THE THRONE OF THE INNER TEMPLE, P. 47



7. “ Chastity implies both before and after marriage an unsullied, chaste sex life. Before marriage

absolutely chaste, after marriage absolutely faithful to one’s chosen companion. Faithful in all sexual acts,

faithful in word and in deed.”

MESSAGES FROM THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF J USTICE, 1968-1973, PGS. 108-109





Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 9

C HASTITY







“ Say: He is not to be numbered with the people of Bahá

who followeth his mundane desires,

or fixeth his heart on things of the earth.

He is my true follower who, if he come to a valley of pure gold,

will pass straight through it aloof as a cloud, and will neither turn back,

nor pause. Such a man is assuredly of Me.

From his garment the Concourse on high can inhale the fragrance of

sanctity....And if he met the fairest and most comely of women,

he would not feel his heart seduced by the least shadow of desire for her

beauty. Such an one, indeed, is the creation of spotless chastity.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, GLEANINGS F ROM THE WRITINGS OF BAHÁ’U’LLÁH , P. 118









“ Purity and chastity have been, and still are,

the most great ornaments for the handmaidens of God.

God is My Witness!

The brightness of the light of chastity sheddeth its illumination

upon the worlds of the spirit, and its fragrance is wafted

even unto the Most Exalted paradise.

God hath verily made chastity to be a crown for the heads of his

handmaidens. Great is the blessedness of that handmaiden

that hath attained unto this great station.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, QUOTED IN THE ADVENT OF DIVINE J USTICE, P. 27









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 10

W HERE DOES DATING F IT I N?









1. What is the meaning of “spotless chastity”?









2. What is the guidance given to us about embracing?









3. With the Writings of the Bahá’í Faith as the standard, what would be the purpose of dating?









4. How can we overcome the influences of laxity and promiscuity that are evident in our society?









5. Respond to this statement: “Kissing in modern society is detrimental to morals.”









6. How can one avoid behavior that may tempt you to break the laws of chastity?









7. In your opinion does dating fit into the Bahá’í laws of chastity? Explain.









8. If your answer to number 7 is yes, how would you approach dating a non-Bahá’í and upholding

the Bahá’í standard?









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Three Page 11

C ORE C URRICULUM FOR SPIRITUAL E DUCATION









P RE PARING F OR

REPARING

M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY L IFE









Module Four



Mar r iage: A Divinely Or dained Institution





Devotions



Overview of Module Four Themes and Lesson Objectives



Introduction to Module Four



Marriage – A Divinely Ordained Institution



The Purpose of Marriage



Consent



Summarizing Module Four

Module Four Mar r iage: A Divinely Or dained Institution



Themes



A Divinely Or dained Institution

“ Regarding the question of matrimony: Know thou that the command of marriage is eternal. It will

never be changed nor altered. This is divine creation and there is not the slightest possibility that

change or alteration will affect this divine creation (marriage).”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, TABLETS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, VOL. II, P. 474



The Pur pose of Mar r iage

“ And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He

revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a

fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the

heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory: ‘Marry, O people, that from you

may appear he who will remember Me amongst My servants; this is one of My commandments unto you;

obey it as an assistance to yourselves.’”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, BAHÁ’Í P RAYERS, U.S., 1982, P. 187



Pr eser ving Mar r iage

“ O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to abide with each

other in the closest companionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two

intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each other.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P. 122



Mar r iage Vow

“ We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE KITÁB-I-AQDAS, P. 105



Lear ning Objectives



KNOWLEDGE To know that Bahá’u’lláh came to bring unity and that a fundamental unity is the unity

between marriage partners.

To know that the command of marriage is divine and eternal.

To become familiar with the Writings on consent.



WISDOM To understand that the spiritual relationship of marriage is conducive to happiness in this

world and in all the worlds of God.

To understand the benefits of marriage to society.



SPIRITUAL To perceive marriage as a covenant with God, as well as between husband and wife.

PERCEPTION To identify factors that would make marriage a fortress for one’s own well-being

and salvation.

To identify significant characteristics in the marriages of the Hands of the Cause of God.

To discern the importance of parental consent to family unity.



ELOQUENT To be able to articulate the spiritual foundations and social purposes of marriage.

‘SPEECH’ To be able to demonstrate examples from nature of the protective power of unity.







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 1

A DIVINELY O RDAINED I NSTITUTION

Focus Question: In what ways is marriage a divinely ordained institution?







1. “ As to thy question concerning the husband and wife, the tie between them and the children is

given to them by God: Know thou, verily, the husband is the one who hath sincerely turned unto God, is

awakened by the call of the Beauty of the All-Glorious and chanteth the verses of Oneness in the great

assemblies; the wife is a being who wisheth to be overflowing with and seeketh after the attributes of God

and His names; and the tie between them is none other than the Word of God. Verily, it causeth the

multitudes to assemble together and the remote ones to be united. Thus the husband and wife are brought

into affinity, are united and harmonized, even as though they were one person. The spiritual result is the

appearance of divine bounties. The material result is the children who are born in the cradle of the love of

God, who are brought up in the bosom of the gift of God, and who are fostered in the lap of the training of

God. Such children are those of whom it was said by Christ, ‘Verily, they are the children of the Kingdom!’”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, TABLETS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, VOL. III, PP. 605-606



2. “ O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to abide with

each other in the closest companionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two

intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each other.

If they live thus, they will pass through this world with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of

heart, and become the object of divine grace and favour in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other than

this they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing at every moment for death, and will be

shamefaced in the heavenly realm.”

“ Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul with each other as two doves in the nest, for this is to be

blessed in both worlds.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P. 122



3. “ In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is based upon harmony and love, oneness,

relationship and union . . .”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P RESERVING BAHÁ’Í MARRIAGES, P. 15



4. “ Real love is impossible unless one turn his face towards God and be attracted to His Beauty.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD F AITH, P. 364



5. “ Among the majority of the people marriage consists of physical relationship and this union is

temporary for at the end physical separation is destined and ordained. But the marriage of the people of

Bahá must consist of both physical and spiritual relationship for both of them are intoxicated with the wine

of one cup, are attracted by one Peerless Countenance, are quickened with one Life and are illumined with

one Light. This is the spiritual relationship and everlasting union. Likewise in the physical world they are

bound together with strong and unbreakable ties.

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD F AITH, PP. 372-373



6. “ Compare the nations of the world to the members of a family. A family is a nation in miniature.

Simply enlarge the circle of the household and you have the nation. Enlarge the circle of nations and you

have all humanity. The conditions surrounding the family surround the nation. The happenings in the family

are the happenings in the life of the nation. Would it add to the progress and advancement of a family if

dissensions should arise among its members, fighting, pillaging each other, jealous and revengeful of injury,

seeking selfish advantage? Nay, this would be the cause of the effacement of progress and advancement. So

it is in the great family of nations, for nations are but an aggregate of families.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 151







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 2

M ARRIAGE STORY #1





Zikrullah Khadem

The Itinerant Hand of the Cause of God, pp. 13-19

13-

By Javidukht Khadem





“Owing to the Persian Bahá’í practices in the time I grew up young women did not have to suffer

as much as they do today in order to find their mates. It was the parents’ responsibility to help their

daughters by suggesting the right suitors for them This is not the same as arranged marriages for

according to the laws of Bahá’u’lláh six person must give their consent to for marriage, the couple as

well as the two sets of parents. This law provides a wonderful moderating influence on the marriage

practices of Eastern cultures, in which Muslim parents sometimes arrange marriage contracts for their

children without consulting them.

Because marriage could not take place without parental consent, parents waited for the right

suitor to appear, one who had a spiritual upbringing, a high quality of character, intelligence and the

capacity to shoulder the responsibilities of life. While women could follow the dictates of their hears

with suitable candidates, their emotions did not entrap them in unsuitable matches.

In my case, courtship took place in an extraordinary fashion. I was young, still in school and

eager to finish my education. I had no interest in marriage. However because Bahá’u’lláh permits

marriage at a young age if the consenting parties agree, my youthfulness was not a problem to my father.

If the suitor had the qualities my parents wanted, my parents would be ready to give their consent.

On 10 September 1933, as I was preparing to go to school, my father joyously and

enthusiastically announced, “A young man with magnificent qualities has asked to marry you. He is of a

noble family. His father served ‘Abdu’l-Bahá and raised him in the love of God. He has a very bright

future. He is intelligent, educated and has the ability to make you happy in every way. I watched him

group up. He is very special.” Then he added with a mischievous laugh. “He is very handsome too.

Wouldn’t you like to meet him?”

“No!” I declared emphatically worried at the thought of having to interrupt my education and

hopes of a career. Marriage was the last thing on my mind and I began to cry at the thought of having to

give up my dreams.

My father tenderly tried to console me. “Don’t cry.” According to the laws of the Bahá’í Faith

you must be willing and happy with the decision. I can’t force you to marry,” he suggested gently, “But

wouldn’t you just like to see him?"

“No!” I said again, unmoved.

“Anyway” he concluded casually, “he is coming over tonight.”

That whole day I cried and agonized over this terrible shattering of my hopes. I could not wait to

get the whole ordeal over with.

That evening, as I watched through the window facing the courtyard of my grandmother's house

my suitor arrived with several members of his family. Immediately my heart was touched and my

weeping stopped. I was drawn to him as by a magnet. My father entered the room [and] sensed the

change.



Continued









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 3

ZIKRULLAH KHADEM, THE ITINERANT HAND OF THE CAUSE OF GOD, PP. 13-19, BY JAVIDUKHT KHADEM

Continued







Our first meeting occurred when I entered the room to serve refreshments. I served each guest.

After that day, my doubts and fears evaporated.

Mr. Khadem later told me that he had felt the same magnetic attraction that I had felt when we

first met. We were married heart and soul, on 3 October 1933, three weeks after we met.

After our marriage, our very first conversation was on the subject of spiritual life. I had been

trained in a Bahá’í family but I was no match for Mr. Khadem’s depth and devotion. He said, “You

don’t not have the obligation to perform the customary household duties. Don’t worry if you don’t know

how to cook and clean house. These are not important to me and can be done by others. I want only two

things from you. First, I want you to love God as I do.”

“How do you love God?” I asked, eager to learn.

“God should be the center and pivot of our life. Second, I want you to love the beloved Guardian

as I do.”

How lucky I was to be married to a man of such quality, how lucky to even have been introduced

to him. My father, who had recognized his strength of character and his spiritual nature, loved him

deeply and was truly joyous when we were married. The first magnetic attraction between us continued

as the years passes, deepening into a love so strong it was as if we were one soul.

The bond that joined us together so tightly was the Faith in which he deepened my understanding

and educated our children. Our personalities were very different nevertheless we were united. We

disagreed over many mundane things in our daily life but in the essentials we were always united.

Before each day was over we resolved our differences and returned to the same appreciation for each

other.

Mr. Khadem truly believed and practices the teaching of the equality of men and women. To

appreciate how liberated he was one has to be aware of the practices and customs in Iran at that time.

Mr. Khadem’s progressive attitude extended to all areas of life. He had only one standard – the

Bahá’í standard – the words and teaching of Bahá'u'lláh and nothing else.

After we were married, I was still eager to continue my education. I had my husband’s full

support and encouragement, for he felt education was very important in my development and role as a

mother. He wished for me to develop to my fullest potential. When we were married I had not yet

finished high school. He assisted me and encouraged me until I completed a Liberal Arts degree at the

University of Tehran.

Mr. Khadem placed great emphasis on the importance of family life and family unity. . . he had a

great appreciation and respect for the role of motherhood and the education of children. Learning from

his attitude, I, too, developed a great appreciation for the role and experienced true fulfillment as a

mother. We were blessed with five children. . . The birth of each brought great joy to our hearts, and we

held a special celebration for each one’s arrival, thanking Bahá’u’lláh for bestowing upon us another gift

who could be reared in the bosom of the Faith and become a servant to humanity.

Our mornings began with the sound of Mr. Khadem chanting the long obligatory prayer before

breakfast. He usually followed this with chanting (from memory) the tablets of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá. What

beautiful music transformed the atmosphere of our home every morning.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 4

M ARRIAGE STORY #2





God Loves Laughter , Chapter s 15-17 (excer pted)

15-

By William Sear s



Joe Mulligan first called my attention to her. Joe was our Broadcasting expert in these

matters….

Therefore I was not without interest on the morning he suddenly overcame an acute attack of

induced yellow fever, and said to me, “Did you see that vision of loveliness that just walked into Studio

A?”

I looked. I saw a young lady who was exactly the kind of girl you'd like to take somewhere to

make your girl jealous. Ripe-wheat hair, robin’s egg blue eyes, perfect teeth, a head-turning figure, and

a smile that completely took away all your noble ideas about not becoming interested. You felt as

though someone had just turned on all the lights on a Christmas tree. . . .

“There are some girls,” he said dreamily “with whom you become infatuated. There are some

with whom you become great pals. There are still others whom you cherish, adore, and marry. “This

one,” he said, “is all three.”

“However, she’s wearing a big diamond engagement ring on her left hand, so the odds I can give

you fellows on taking her to lunch to-day are three to one instead of the usual even-money. Not to

mention the five dollars I’ll need to borrow from Bill for the check.” . . .

“Baby” he said taking her arm, “you and I are now going to drift into a world of new wonders.”

Suddenly the two robin’s-eggs turned eagle-eye cold.

“We are drifting to the elevator” she said “but only.....one of us is going down ......”

Mulligan however didn’t even feel the Arctic blast. He waved his hand to me and said airily,

“Bill take my next two broadcasts. This divinity and I are going to lunch within the gates of paradise.”. .

.

“Would you mind if I suggested something which I think would be more fun?’

He bowed and gave us his mission-accomplished wink. “You name it Lovlilocks, and it’s

yours.”

“You take his programmes” she said pointing to me “and we'll send you a nice cable from

Honolulu.”

I apologized for Joe.

She laughed, “Are you very hungry?”

“To tell you the truth” I admitted, “I am, but I couldn’t buy you the toothpick on a pickled

herring hor-d’oeuvre.”

“We can make it dutch-treat.”

There was a little of Mulligan in me, too, so I grinned, “Hi, Dutch.”

It was the most wonderful lunch I ever ate. I have no recollection of the food, but her voice was

Pablo Casa’s cello.

Her name was Marguerite. . . .

I called for Marguerite on Saturday night and I noticed at once that she had taken off her

diamond engagement ring. . . .

During the last waltz she said “There’s something I want to tell you. It may surprise you.”

Surprise me! Wait until I break the news about my family circle.......I knew that nothing

could top that.

She smiled at me “are you interested in religion?”

I nearly dropped her. She had surprised me.

“Not at the moment,” I told her honestly.

“You will be when you hear about it,” she said cheerfully.

Continued

Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 5

GOD LOVES LAUGHTER, CHAPTERS 15-17, BY WILLIAM SEARS, Continued





I doubt it.

“I knew the moment you looked through the studio window at me that there was something

important between us. I’ve wanted to tell you ever since. Let’s go for a drive and talk about it.”

We drove down to the beach. Someone had arranged a perfect stage setting, full moon, soft

sands and gentle breakers. . . .

. . . Gradually I relaxed and told her about Grandfather, Minnesota, and my dream. She became

quite excited.

“How strange!” She said. “That’s just about the time he was in Minneapolis.”

“Who?”

“‘Abdu’l-Bahá”

“Who?”

“The son of Bahá’u’lláh.”

“Oh!” I said completely mystified, “that explains it, there’s nothing like a frank answer to make

everything crystal clear.”

“Sorry,” she said, laughing. “Bahá’u’lláh was the founder of the Bahá’í Faith.

“Name sounds Oriental.”

She smiled “Of course. How do you think the name Jesus Christ sounded to the Romans? Like

John Smith?” . . .

. . . “I’d better get home,” I said abruptly, I’ve got an early broadcast.”

“Of course.” Her eyes were still friendly but hurt. . . .

For three years I had not mentioned my dream to anyone. Tonight was the first time and I had

spoken of it to Marguerite only because I wanted her to know all about me before I asked her to marry

me.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Wait here,” she insisted. “Please.” She ran quickly up the steps. She put a book in my hands.

“Read this,” she told me. “I think you’ll find something in it which will surprise you very much.”

In spite of my coolness she was behaving as though nothing had happened. Her eyes were warm

and bright with inner happiness. She looked so tempting that I forgot my mood and leaned forward to

kiss her.

“Not to-night,” she said. “I’m too excited about your reading the book.” Then she leaned over

and kissed me anyway and ran back up the stairs.

As I crawled into bed the book fell on the floor. I had forgotten about it. I picked it up and

began to thumb through it.

“All right,” I said to myself skeptically, “let’s see.”

I began to read. It was about two o’clock when I found out why Marguerite had become so

excited when I mentioned my boyhood dreams. I felt a stab-like thrill myself as I turned one of the

pages and say the date: September 20, 1912.

It was the very day and year of my first dream!

‘Abdu’l-Bahá had spoken in Minneapolis, Minnesota on that day. He had been speaking

only a short distance away from the little town in which I had lived and dreamed.

I tried calling Marguerite first thing in the morning but there was no answer. I knew she listened

each day to my early morning record session, so I tried to pass along a message to her through the music

I played:

1. Margie

2. Everybody Loves My Marguerite

3. Marguerite, Marguerite

4. Forgive Me

5. I’m Sorry I Made You Cry Continued







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 6

GOD LOVES LAUGHTER, CHAPTERS 15-17, BY WILLIAM SEARS, Continued







I hadn’t made her cry I’d made her laugh but I knew she’d recognize the apology if she were listening.

About ten o’clock I received a telegram.

ALL IS FORGIVEN. HOPE YOU ENJOY THE BOOK. LOVE M. I called her at once. No

answer. I drove over at noon. I wanted to get another book and to apologize in person. Her roommate

answered the door. . . .She invited me in for a cup of tea, and told me that Marguerite would be back in a

month.

Marguerite’s roommate handed me a book. There was a very amused expression on her face.

“Marguerite left this for you. She said you’d be calling for it.” . . .

I finished the book that night.

A month passed and Marguerite still hadn’t called me. My heart told me she was back even

before my spies did. Each of us knew the other was waiting for a call, this is what is known in romantic

circles as ‘the cold war’. If is a sinful waste of moonlight and dance music, but it must be waged

according to the rules. Both sit by the telephone waiting for the first sign of surrender. . . .

I honestly wanted to hear more about the Bahá’í Faith as well as to be with Marguerite. I felt

perhaps she wanted to be with me but didn’t want me to think she was forcing her interest in the Bahá’í

Faith upon me. I was thinking it over one day at lunch, when she walked to Luigi’s with a young man as

tall and as dark and as handsome as ever her roommate could with.

I hated to see her pining away like this among strangers and I was about to get up and join them

when I noticed that Marguerite had on the diamond engagement ring again.

Marguerite looked across the room and her eyes met mine. They stayed there for a moment and

then moved on as though my face was a port-hole and she was looking through it.

Now you can either wage a romantic war with money or with imagination. It is preferable to

have both, but as I was only a “bunch-of-daffodils” man at the time, I had to use a strategy. I sent

Marguerite a beautiful red rose bud each morning for eleven days. The total cost was less than a dozen

roses, but the total effect was an orchid-field. With each rose I sent a one-word message. At the end of

eleven days, the message made sense: “I-WILL-MEET-YOU-FOR-LUNCH-NEXT-FRIDAY-

AFTERNOON-AT LUIGI’S.”

I slipped into the chair across from Marguerite and handed her a red rose.

“That makes a dozen.” I said.

She laid it beside her plate. “I’ve missed you.”

“I saw you suffering here two weeks ago at lunch.”

She gave me the Christmas-tree smile “I saw you, too.”

I noticed that she wasn’t wearing the diamond.

“Aren’t you going to wear out that ring from the friction of putting it on and taking it off?”

“I returned it that day at lunch. That’s why he was in town.”

While we ate, she told me she hadn’t called because she wanted to be free of all obligations

before we met again and took up where we left off. She reached across the table and held my hand.

That afternoon I engaged a Western Union special messenger and paid him a dollar extra to

deliver a personal message. He was to sing Margie, I’m always thinking of you, Margie: signed Bill.

When I got home from work there was a package in my mailbox. It was a book called

Bahá’u’lláh and the New Era . I started reading after dinner and didn’t finish it until I heard the

milkman was bringing my coffee cream in the top of the bottle. . . .

I waited the month out and on the first night Marguerite came back to town, I invited her to

dinner at Luigi’s. She floated in wearing an aquamarine-and-gold Chinese silk dress and matching coat.

She looked like everything priceless from Ming Dynasty. . . .

Continued









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 7

GOD LOVES LAUGHTER, CHAPTERS 15-17, BY WILLIAM SEARS, Continued







“I’m going to say something that may shock you,” I said.

Marguerite looked up at me with a tender smile. “Yes dear,” she said.

The years have taught me that this smile means “You-poor-thing-thought-you’d-never-catch-up-

with-me.”

“I’ve been offered a job in Salt Lake City. I don’t want to go away and leave you here in this

wilderness of wolves, so as soon as I can save up enough money to pay for a wedding ring, I'm going to

ask you to marry me. Of course I’ll buy you an engagement ring too. Later on. Maybe not “By the

way,” I added “I happen to love you very much.”

There was a long silence. It was very humbling. Towards the end, it was appalling. Then

Marguerite took something out of her purse and slipped it on to her finger. It was a simple but lovely

ring.

“I bought one myself” she said, “last week in Boston” then added casually , “By the way, I

happen to love you very much too.”

We wound up laughing and loving all at the same time which has been pretty much the pattern of

our lives.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 8

M ARRIAGE STORY #3





F rom Copper to Gold, The Life of Dorothy Baker

50-

Chapter 5, pp. 50-58





Mr. and Mrs. Ralph’s boarding house, their converted family home, still had the feeling of family

and Dorothy relished belonging. In the evening the Ralphs sat down to dinner with their ‘guests’ while a

hired lady served them all. That September a woman who didn’t live at the house began joining the little

group at dinner. She was always accompanied by a young girl and a slightly older boy who were

introduced as Sara and Conrad. As it turned out, the woman was not their mother, but their nanny.

When the father, a widower, was out of town she had full charge of Connie and Sally, as she called them.

Even when he was home and caring for the children himself, their father often brought them to the

Ralphs for dinner so Dorothy, now a master at befriending youngsters, had gotten to know them both

quite well.

Sara was becoming very devoted to Dorothy who, having little else to do than than visit with the

other diners after the evening meal, usually stayed downstairs, often playing and talking with the little

girl. One evening Sara announced that the next night their father would be bringing them.

‘Won’t you be glad to see him, Miss Beecher?’ Of course she would, Dorothy said, trying to

remember him, and she’d be especially glad to see Sara. Then Dorothy kissed her goodnight while Sara

grinned. As she walked up the stairs Dorothy waved down at the child in the entry hall. But the smile

was gone from Sara’s face. She just watched as Dorothy walked toward her room, then finally lifting her

hand in a last good-night. Dorothy couldn’t help wondering if it might not be too hard on Sara to

become so attached. Her mother was gone, but Dorothy could hardly substitute. . . .

Frank Baker was a large man, tall and quite heavy. His reserved nature combined with his

substantial bulk to make him seem forbidding, yet there was a vulnerable quality about him. When

Dorothy and Frank met, he was almost thirty-one years old and already part of the solid middle class his

German father and grandfather had worked so hard to join. . . .

After high school, and following a summer at his father’s bakery, Frank went off to Yale. Frank

Married during his sophomore year a New Haven girl, Mary Quentin.

Mr. Baker gave the marriage his blessing when he found out about it the next summer, but told

his son the only responsible action was to leave school and begin work so he could support his wife.

Frank took a job with his father’s Plezol Bakery in Zanesville. Having Mary with him must have made

the sacrifice of his education worthwhile. She crocheted and embroidered the linens, bore their two

children and fed them all with her devotion and her dinners. In Mary he found again the steady

sustenance that had been missing since his mother’s death. Then, quite suddenly, Mary died of

pneumonia. . . .

Despite his loss and his intense personal agony, Frank Baker carried on, coming home to Conrad

and Sara as often as business allowed, comforting them on the evenings he was there, sharing their

loneliness as they took turns sleeping in his big bed. When he met Dorothy, two years after Mary’s

death, Frank had that special quality of an individual whose suffering has made him outwardly stern and

strong, but whose heart is more open than ever to love and tenderness.

Dorothy had never gone out with an older man, but when Frank finally asked her to the theater a

few weeks after that second meeting, she accepted. He wasn’t that much older – only nine years – but

those years were critical. Born in 1889, Frank’s childhood was set firmly in another era. Even after the

turn of the century life continued to be dominated by old-world mores and ideas in the German

settlement

Continued





Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 9

FROM COPPER TO GOLD: THE LIFE OF DOROTHY BAKER, CHAPTER 5

Continued



where the Bakers had lived for three generations. When Frank was fathering his first family, Dorothy

was still a schoolgirl. His experience, when they met, was that of a man a generation older than she.

Whatever the two didn’t have in common, by the winter of 1920 each had felt the fragility of

happiness in the standard mold set by their divergent upbringings.

The romanticized hero figure was not the basis of Dorothy’s attraction to him. Nor could Frank

have considered her, a young woman of distinctly absent household skills and a friend, not a mother, to

Sara and Conrad, as a substitute for Mary. What Dorothy and Frank found together was something new.

They were united by the attraction that tells two people their true selves fit together even if their personal

habits and circumstances don’t suggest it.

This kind of bond is not based on similarities of style or even of daily concerns but on something

deeper. The opposition of outer interests and talents can even fit together to form a healthier balance

than might have occurred with two matched mates. As long as the inner connection and concern is

thriving, this kind of union has the advantage of not being easily damaged by challenges of a transitory

nature, of habit or position.

Over the next seven months Dorothy and Frank became aware of their love and the quality of

that love. Neither found in the other a mate that fitted into the image of what they once thought they

wanted, but their love went beyond that. Each cared not so much for the outer self of the other, the self

that is so easily seen and judged, but for the true self, the inner spirit, that call be recognized only by the

pure and sincere heart.

On the way home from New York one March evening, after a trip to Broadway and dinner at a

favorite Italian restaurant, Frank asked Dorothy Beecher to marry him.

The green lawns of the Budd Lake house had been trimmed and raked, folding chairs set up to

accommodate the hundred or so guests. The ceremony would be in the large living room of the family

lodge, but the reception was supposed to be outside. That June there had been some rain, and Dorothy

worried, right up to the day, that her garden party would be forced onto the covered porch. . . .

It was a quarter of two and they were already arriving. Dorothy stared out the window and

thanked God she didn’t have to be down there yet.

Not that she wasn’t ready. She was. . . . Dorothy had been dressed for quite a while, but kept

putting off admitting it. Instead, when her parents were there she busied her hands with final adjustments

and made sure her eyes never met theirs.

With one hand Dorothy touched the dropped waist of her wedding dress, then turned to the

mirror. There, next to it, stood her bags, ready to be carried down to Frank’s car. She almost smiled in

recollection of his dry joke that by marrying him she wouldn’t even have to change the monograms on

her luggage.

That, at least, would not change, but she knew everything else would, and wondered why she

had ever wanted it to. Her affection for Frank was deep and fond but what did marrying him really

accomplish? Then she would be able to take care of Sara and Conrad, but the nanny they had was

probably better at it. Dorothy remembered how she and Frank had seemed to offer each other some kind

of much needed comfort and support, but suddenly she didn’t feel she needed it anymore.

Tall and lean, her father, Henry, stepped into the room. ‘It’s a bit warm in here, isn’t it, Dottie?’

Without waiting for an answer he strode over to the window and opened it. ‘That’s better.’ Even this

small act of wisdom seemed to please him. He stood facing the window, breathing in the moist air that

blew off Budd Lake.

‘Everyone is ready and waiting for what she promised will be the prettiest bride, the best cake



Continued









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 10

FROM COPPER TO GOLD: THE LIFE OF DOROTHY BAKER, CHAPTER 5

Continued



and the strongest punch of the pairing season.’ Henry liked his own jokes and had a good chuckle over

this one, his nervousness adding to his normal ebullience.

Dorothy pretended to make use of the mirror’s image straightening the sleeves of her dress. But

in its reflection she watched Henry, behind her, looking out at the lawn and talking about the progress of

the party. She knew he was trying to be comforting with his plenitude of words, but it wasn’t working

and there seemed no reason to go on pretending. She was too tired. Dorothy turned to her bed and,

oblivious of the yards of white netting that followed, folded herself up on the end farthest from the door.

‘What is it, my dear. Are you ill?’ Henry, his long hands more accustomed to aggressive

motion than to the soothing that now seemed required, nonetheless reached toward the back of his

daughter’s head, hesitated, then smoothed the dark hair. ‘Please, Dottie, don’t leave me here wondering.

What’s the matter?’



Dorothy sat up and pushed herself into his arms. ‘I don’t want this. I was wrong to say I would

marry him.’

‘You’re just afraid now, you’ll feel better,’

‘No, I won’t. I never want to marry him.’

Henry was quiet as he held his daughter close. Then he spoke. ‘Then perhaps you shouldn’t.’

‘How can I? I was wrong to say I would. I don’t even know anymore, if I love Frank. Maybe I

don’t.’ Dorothy’s new confidence in her father’s compassion let the fear that had been building stream

out in her tears. Then between her jerking sobs she said, ‘But I have to, I have to marry him now.’

‘No you don’t, not if you don’t want to. ‘

The sobs increased and Dorothy held him tighter. . . .‘You’re not sure you love the man. You feel

under pressure to marry.’ He looked over at Dorothy whose tears were only an overflow now from a

grief that was subsiding, but still she nodded agreement.

‘Well, you needn’t feel pressure. There should be no rush to marry him, feeling as you do.’

‘But everyone’s here. Frank’s waiting.’

‘Don’t base your decision on that. A few disappointed guests is nothing compared to years of

remorse. I’ll say you’re ill and everyone will go home. That simple. Frank and I will talk it over in

private.’ He started for the door.

‘No . . . no, wait a minute.’ Closing her eyes, Dorothy turned her heart away from the

immediacy of herself and her fears, to God. She tried to isolate what it was she really wanted . . .

The real fear wasn’t of not loving, but of losing something. In the past, life could have gone any way at

all, but marriage would bring definitions of herself and her existence that in spite of Frank's openness

would be confining. It wasn’t marriage to him that made her afraid, but the restrictions, the roles brought

by any marriage. Dorothy was quiet as she followed her thoughts, letting them lead. But marriage to

Frank didn’t mean joining some standardized institution. It meant she would live with a man she loved,

with a man whose love for her wasn’t based on her personality, but her person. The outer self can find

relationships that thrill but don’t sustain. Frank’s love went past that, it was for her true self, not for

some concocted image of Dorothy Beecher as a beautiful woman or perfect wife. And the roots of her

love for him went equally deep. . .

In an instant she gave in, not to the pressure of the moment but to the knowledge that whatever

came with Frank would be good.

Calmed, this time by her own hand rather than her father’s, they descended the stairs together

and nothing was spoken of her moment of doubt.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 11

Mar r iage Stor y #4







Excer pted fr om To Move the World by Gayle Mor r ison



Miss Mathew was not a young woman…. But the Master had plans for her and a larger purpose

than she could have anticipated. “My marriage, as you know,” she wrote a friend some years later, “was

entirely brought about by Abdul Bahá. I had no thought of marriage when I came to this country.” Her

future husband was equally unsuspecting. Shortly before their marriage he wrote to Pauline Hannen,

“Last year we visited Abdul Baha at Ramleh and the Holy Tomb at Akka and although greatly attracted

to each other not even dimly realized its future bearing.” Even if they had recognized the potential in

their relationship from the start, without ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s explicit encouragement they undoubtedly would

have considered race too great an impediment to overcome.

…Aside from race they were as unremarkable a couple as could be imagined. Both were well-

educated and cultured, both mature – indeed, middle-aged. Their economic positions were balanced;

although she came from a wealthy background, she lived on a modest income, and he had risen from

poverty into the professional class. Yet because of race they constantly faced disapproval and the threat

of violence. Their marriage was regarded by many as an eccentricity at best, even within the Bahá’í

community….

Considering the formidable obstacles to their union, their readiness to accept ‘Abdu’l-Bahá’s

encouragement of their relationship was astounding. They had no idea of flouting the mores of a

prejudiced society. They did not see themselves as a cause, except insofar as ‘Abdu’l-Bahá had made an

example of them; and happy as they were to give encouragement to the cause of racial unity, they did not

relish the attention their marriage focused upon them. Beyond superficial differences of color and

background, they saw themselves simply as fellow believers, as friends who had, through the good

offices of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, become loving partners in life.

On the Cedric in Naples, as Louise told the story in a letter to Agnes Parsons years later,

‘Abdu’l-Bahá had asked her to join Him for a walk on deck, if she wished, with only His secretary

Mahmud present.



Then He turned round & said, “I said what I did because I saw a seed in your heart.” Then

almost immediately added “Now is the watering time.” I could not understand what He

meant—I only thought it must be something of a spiritual nature. A moment later He turned

round again & said, “I saw one seed in your heart, I wish it to produce many seeds.”

In this country Abdul Baha first revealed to me symbolically, through a white

flower which He told me to give Mr. Gregory & by looking at me in a peculiar way

conveyed him meaning to me, that He wished me to marry Mr. Gregory. Curiously

enough after this love began to grow in my heart & the desire for the marriage whereas

before I only liked Mr. Gregory as a friend. Later Abdul Baha said before Dr. Getsinger,

Fareed & others in the train to Chicago to me “How are you & Mr. Gregory getting

along?” Startled I answered “What do you mean, we are good friends?” To which He

replied emphatically & with His face wreathed in mischievous smiles “You must be very

good friends.”

Before He left Chicago I asked Abdul Baha plainly one morning early if I had

understood aright that He wished Mr. Gregory & myself to marry. He said “yes.” He did

wish it. “I wish the white & the colored people to marry” He added.

Then on my intimating that as a woman I could do nothing to bring it about He

asked “Do you love him, would you marry him if he asked you?” & I replied “yes.”



Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 12

Then He said “if he loves you he will ask you.” Later in the morning as I learnt some

time afterwards, He told Louis it would give Him much pleasure if he & I would marry,

which came as an utter surprise to Louis who had no thoughts of marriage. Abdul Baha

said, “What is the matter? Don’t you love her?” “Yes, as a friend” Louis said. “Well

think of it” said Abdul Baha, “& let me know; …marriage is not an ordinance & need not

be obeyed, but it would give me pleasure if you & Miss Mathew were to marry.”



Within a few months they were married. …Three days after the marriage he wrote to Mrs. Hannen…:



Some weeks ago, Abdul Baha, who has watched over Louise and me with the tender

solicitude of a loving father, sent me a Message directing me to use the utmost judgment in

order to avoid criticism in regard to our approaching Marriage. With me “the utmost

judgment” was a prayer for Diving Guidance, in which Louise heartily joined me. Our

prayers have been heard and answered and we are very happy. Every matter connected with

the event went off without friction, although some things were quite difficult….

The same afternoon we arrived here [in Atlantic City] on our honeymoon. We

find ourselves very harmonious and very happy.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 13

T HE P URPOSE OF M ARRIAGE





1. “ We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE KITÁB-I-AQDAS, P. 105





2. “ Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one who will make mention of Me

amidst My servants. This is My bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE KITÁB-I-AQDAS, P. 41





3. “ O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined marriage upon the peoples,

that the generations of men may succeed one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long

as the world shall last, they may busy themselves at the threshold of Thy oneness with servitude and

worship, with salutation, adoration and praise. “ I have not created spirits and men, but that they

should worship me.” Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven of Thy mercy these two birds of the nest of

Thy love, and make them the means of attracting perpetual grace; that from the union of these two

seas of love a wave of tenderness may surge and cast the pearls of pure and goodly issue on the

shore of life. “ He hath let loose the two seas, that they meet each other: Between them is a barrier

which they overpass not. Which then of the bounties of your Lord will ye deny? From each He

bringeth up greater and lesser pearls.”

O Thou kind Lord! Make Thou this marriage to bring forth coral and pearls. Thou art verily

the All-Powerful, the Most Great, the Ever-Forgiving!”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í P RAYERS, PP. 187-188





4. “ But for man, who, on My earth, would remember Me, and how could My attributes and My

names be revealed?”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, EPISTLE TO THE SON OF THE WOLF , P. 49





5. “ Cultivation by the farmer maketh of the grain the harvest, and the effort of the gardener

maketh of the seed a noble tree . . . .

. . . it is enjoined upon the father and mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the

daughter and the son, to nurse them from the breast of knowledge and to rear them in the bosom of

sciences and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy of

reproach in the presence of the stern Lord.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD F AITH, P. 398





6. “ Train these children with divine exhortations. From their childhood instill in their hearts

the love of God so they may manifest in their lives the fear of God and have confidence in the

bestowals of God. Teach them to free themselves from human imperfections and to acquire the

divine perfections latent in the heart of man. The life of man is useful if he attains the perfections of

man. If he becomes the center of the imperfections of the world of humanity, death is better than life,

and non-existence better than existence. Therefore make ye an effort in order that these children

may be rightly trained and educated and that each one of them may attain perfection in the world of

humanity. Know ye the value of these children for they are all my children.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 51









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 14

PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE, CONTINUED



7. Bahá’í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual

attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly

acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that

will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at

one with each other for time and eternity .... The true marriage of Bahá’ís is this, united both

physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy

everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá’í marriage.

'ABDU'L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF 'ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SEC. 86, P. 118





8. O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to abide

with each other in the closest companionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two

helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each other. If they

live thus, they will pass through this world with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and

become the object of divine grace and favour in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other than

this, they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing at every moment for death, and will be

shamefaced in the heavenly realm. Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul, with each other as two

doves in the nest, for this is to be blessed in both worlds.

'ABDU'L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF 'ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SEC. 92, P. 122



9. And above all other unions is that between human beings, especially when it cometh to pass

in the love of God. Thus is the primal oneness made to appear; thus is laid the foundation of love in

the spirit....

'ABDU'L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF 'ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P. 119









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 15

C ONSENT









1. “ The validity of a Bahá'í marriage is dependent upon the free and full consent of all four parents.

The freedom of the parents in the exercise of this right is unrestricted and unconditioned. They may refuse

their consent on any ground, and they are responsible for their decision to God alone.”

WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF SHOGHI EFFENDI, BAHÁ' Í MARRIAGE AND F AMILY LIFE, P. 23



2. “ . . .consent of parents must be obtained in all cases before marriage can take place. Obedience to

the laws of Bahá’u’lláh will necessarily impose hardships in individual cases. No one should expect, upon

becoming a Bahá’í, that his faith will not be tested, and to our finite understanding of such matters these

tests may occasionally seem unbearable. But we are aware of the assurance which Bahá’u’lláh Himself has

given the believers that they will never be called upon to meet a test greater than their capacity to endure.”

UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, BAHÁ’Í MARRIAGE AND F AMILY LIFE, PP. 24-25



3. “ It hath been laid down in the Bayán that marriage is dependent upon the consent of both parties.

Desiring to establish love, unity and harmony amidst Our servants, We have conditioned it, once the couple’s

wish is known, upon the permission of their parents, lest enmity and rancour should arise amongst them. And

in this We have yet other purposes. Thus hath Our commandment been ordained.”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE KITÁB-I-AQDAS, P. 42









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Four Page 16

C ORE C URRICULUM FOR SPIRITUAL E DUCATION









P REPARING F OR

M ARRIAGE AND F AMILY L IFE









M ODULE F IVE



Family Life





Devotions



Introduction to Module Five and Objectives



Equality in Marriage



Roles of Family Members



Childrearing



Summarizing Module Five

Module Five Family Life



Themes

Equality

“ The happiness of mankind will be realized when women and men coordinate and advance equally, for

each is the complement and helpmeet of the other.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, BAHÁ’Í WORLD F AITH, P. 241

Roles Within the Family

“ According to the teaching of Bahá’u’lláh, the family being a human unit must be educated according to

the rules of sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must be

constantly considered and the rights of the individual members must not be transgressed.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 168



Childr ear ing

“ Therefore make ye an effort in order that these children may be rightly trained and educated and that

each one of them may attain perfection in the world of humanity. Know ye the value of these children for they

are all my children.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, PP. 180-181









Lear ning Objectives KEY





KNOWLEDGE To become aware of the Writings on the equality of men and women.

To study the Sacred Texts that apply to the roles of family members.

To identify from the Writings some general principles of childrearing.





WISDOM To understand the relationship of family unity to world peace.

To understand how the principle of equality can be expressed through

complementary functions within the family.

Understand the importance of childrearing to an ever-advancing civilization.





SPIRITUAL To identify ways that individual effort can support family life.

PERCEPTION To perceive the importance of the principle of equality in the family.

To identify the necessary components of childrearing.





ELOQUENT To be able to demonstrate an understanding of equality by utilizing nature.

‘SPEECH’ To create a model of a unified family.

To be able to describe some important principles of childrearing.









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 1

T HE P RINCIPLE OF E QUALITY

Focus Question: How can the principle of the

equality of women and men be modeled in the Bahá’í family?







1. “ The world of humanity consists of two parts: male and female. Each is the complement of the other.

Therefore, if one is defective, the other will necessarily be incomplete, and perfection cannot be attained.

There is a right hand and a left hand in the human body, functionally equal in service and administration. If

either proves defective, the defect will naturally extend to the other by involving the completeness of the

whole; for accomplishment is not normal unless both are perfect. If we say one hand is deficient, we prove

the inability and incapacity of the other; for single-handed there is no full accomplishment. Just as physical

accomplishment is complete with two hands, so man and woman, the two parts of the social body, must be

perfect. It is not natural that either should remain undeveloped; and until both are perfected, the happiness

of the human world will not be realized.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 134



2. “ The world in the past has been ruled by force, and man has dominated over woman by reason of his

more forceful and aggressive qualities both of body and mind. But the balance is already shifting; force is

losing its dominance, and mental alertness, intuition, and the spiritual qualities of love and service, in which

woman is strong, are gaining ascendancy. Hence the new age will be an age less masculine and more

permeated with the feminine ideals, or, to speak more exactly, will be an age in which the masculine and

feminine elements of civilization will be more evenly balanced.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. II, P. 369



3. “ In this Revelation of Bahá’u’lláh, the women go neck and neck with men. In no movement will they

be left behind. Their rights with men are equal in degree. They will enter all the administrative branches of

politics. They will attain in all such a degree as will be considered the very highest station of the world of

humanity and will take part in all affairs.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 182



4. “ Humanity is like a bird with its two wings – the one is male, the other female. Unless both wings

are strong and impelled by some common force, the bird cannot fly heavenwards. According to the spirit of

this age, women must advance and fulfill their mission in all departments of life, becoming equal to men.

They must be on the same level as men and enjoy equal rights.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, QUOTED IN BAHÁ’U’LLÁH AND THE NEW ERA, P. 147



5. “ Divine justice demands that the rights of both sexes should be equally respected since neither is

superior to the other in the eyes of Heaven. Dignity before God depends not on sex, but on purity and

luminosity of heart. Human virtues belong equally to all!”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 162



6. “ Women have equal rights with men upon earth; in religion and society they are a very important

element. As long as women are prevented from attaining their highest possibilities, so long will men be

unable to achieve the greatness which might be theirs.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P ARIS TALKS, P. 133









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 2

R OLES W ITHIN THE F AMILY

Focus Question: How do roles within the family complement each other?









1. “ The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one another and to the family as

a whole, and these duties and responsibilities vary from member to member because of their natural

relationships. The parents have the inescapable duty to educate their children - but not vice versa; the

children have the duty to obey their parents - the parents do not obey the children; the mother - not the father

- bears the children, nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their first educator, hence daughters have a prior

right to education over sons and, as the Guardian's secretary has written on his behalf, ‘The task of bringing

up a Bahá’í child, as emphasized time and again in Bahá’í Writings, is the chief responsibility of the mother,

whose unique privilege is indeed to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both

his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which the child first receives through his

mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his future development.’ A corollary of this responsibility of

the mother is her right to be supported by her husband - a husband has no explicit right to be supported by

his wife.”

THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, BAHÁ’Í MARRIAGE AND F AMILY LIFE, P. 57-58



2. “ Although the mother is the first educator of the child, and the most important formative influence in

his development, the father also has the responsibility of educating his children, and this responsibility is so

weighty that Bahá’u’lláh has stated that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of fatherhood.”

UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, WOMEN, P. 32



3. “ According to the teaching of Bahá’u’lláh, the family being a human unit must be educated according

to the rules of sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must be

constantly considered and the rights of the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the

son, the father, the mother, none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just as the

son has certain obligations to his father, the father likewise has certain obligations to his son. The mother,

the sister and other members of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and

prerogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained. The injury of one shall be

considered the injury of all; the comfort of each the comfort of all; the honor of one the honor of all.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 168



4. “ Indeed, to use the human temple as the example, if the husband is the head, the wife can well be

regarded as the heart of the family. When the husband and the wife work cooperatively and

complementarily, the well-being, health and proper functioning of the unit can be ensured.”

UNPUBLISHED LETTER WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE TO AN INDIVIDUAL BELIEVER,

11 JANUARY 1988



5. “ The atmosphere within a Bahá’í family as within the community as a whole should express ‘the

keynote of the Cause of God’ which, the beloved Guardian has stated, ‘is not dictatorial authority but

humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of frank and loving consultation.”

FROM A LETTER WRITTEN ON BEHALF OF THE UNIVERSAL HOUSE OF JUSTICE, LIGHTS OF GUIDANCE, # 730, P. 218





6. “ The fruits of the tree of existence are trustworthiness, loyalty, truthfulness and purity. After the

recognition of the oneness of the Lord, exalted be He, the most important of all duties is to have due regard

for the rights of one’s parents. This matter hath been mentioned in all the Books of God. . . .”

BAHÁ’U’LLÁH, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. 1, P. 385







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 3

T HE P URPOSE OF C HILDREARING

Focus Question: How can parents rear their children as Bahá'ís?







1. “ I give you my advice and it is this: Train these children with divine exhortations. From their

childhood instill in their hearts the love of God so they may manifest in their lives the fear of God and have

confidence in the bestowals of God. Teach them to free themselves from human imperfections and to acquire

the divine perfections latent in the heart of man. The life of man is useful if he attains the perfections of man.

If he becomes the center of the imperfections of the world of humanity, death is better than life, and

nonexistence better than existence. Therefore make ye an effort in order that these children may be rightly

trained and educated and that each one of them may attain perfection in the world of humanity. Know ye the

value of these children for they are all my children.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, PP. 180-181



2. “ While the children are yet in their infancy feed them from the breast of heavenly grace, foster them in

the cradle of all excellence, rear them in the embrace of bounty. Give them the advantage of every useful

kind of knowledge. Let them share in every new and rare and wondrous craft and art. Bring them up to work

and strive, and accustom them to hardship. Teach them to dedicate their lives to matters of great import, and

inspire them to undertake studies that will benefit mankind.”

ABDU’L-BAHÁ, SELECTIONS FROM THE WRITINGS OF ‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, P.129



3. “ The parents must exert every effort to rear their offspring to be religious, for should the children not

attain this greatest of adornments, they will not obey their parents, which in a certain sense means that they

will not obey God. Indeed, such children will show no consideration to anyone, and will do exactly as they

please.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 248



4. “ Discipline of some sort, whether physical, moral or intellectual, is indeed indispensable, and no

training can be said to be complete and fruitful if it disregards this element.”

SHOGHI EFFENDI, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS,, VOL. I, P. 303



5. “ Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education of children is of the first

importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will

grow in whatever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as

a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them strive by day and by night to establish within their children

faith and certitude, the fear of God, the love of the Beloved of the worlds, and all good qualities and traits.

Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his

heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him,

and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary. It is not,

however, permissible to strike a child, or vilify him, for the child’s character will be totally perverted if he be

subjected to blows or verbal abuse.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 289-290



6. “ The father must always endeavour to educate his son and to acquaint him with the heavenly

teachings. He must give him advice and exhort him at all times, teach him praiseworthy conduct and

character, enable him to receive training at school and to be instructed in such arts and sciences as are

deemed useful and necessary. In brief, let him instill into his mind the virtues and perfections of the world of

humanity. Above all he should continually call to his mind the remembrance of God so that his throbbing

veins and arteries may pulsate with the love of God.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 393



7. “ Teach ye your children the verses that have been divinely revealed, that they may recite them in most

melodious voices. This is what hath been set down in His mighty Book.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE COMPILATION OF COMPILATIONS, VOL. I, P. 250





Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 4

W HAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP OF FAMILY UNITY T O W ORLD P EACE ?

RELATIONSHIP





"Compare the nations of the world to the members of a family. A family is a

nation in miniature. Simply enlarge the circle of the household and you have the

nation. Enlarge the circle of nations and you have all humanity. The conditions

surrounding the family surround the nation. The happenings in the family are the

happenings in the life of the nation. Would it add to the progress and advancement of

a family if dissensions should arise among its members, fighting, pillaging each

other, jealous and revengeful of injury, seeking selfish advantage? Nay, this would

be the cause of the effacement of progress and advancement. So it is in the great

family of nations, for nations are but an aggregate of families.”

‘ABDU’L-BAHÁ, THE P ROMULGATION OF UNIVERSAL P EACE, P. 157









Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 5

Cor e Cur r iculum for Spir itual Education held on

in

Pr epar ing for Mar r iage and Family Life facilitated by

Wor kshop

sponsored by



Evaluation



This opportunity to work with you has truly been a pleasure. Please candidly share your feelings and

reactions. This information will be invaluable to us in planning future workshops.



Excellent Very good Fair Poor

The presenters were organized and clear in their

presentation.

The purpose of the training and the individual modules

was made clear.

The materials were supportive of the presentations.



Adequate time was provided for reflection upon and

recording of your observations.

The training demonstrated the use of different teaching

methods, teaching tools and modalities of learning.

The Sacred Writings were sufficiently utilized to elevate

the spirit of the participants and lay the foundation for the

work before them?

The expectations and directions for your role as a

marriage partner was made clear and seems sufficient?



Please take time to expand on any of the items listed above, particularly if any ate rated fair or poor

so that we might improve the delivery of the training.







What was most helpful to you?









What was least helpful to you?









What would you recommend for future workshops?







Preparation for Marriage & Family Life Participant Handouts Module Five Page 6