Get documents about "invite us in
Document Sample
nchs off ices and caseworkers
4939 So. 118th St. • Omaha, NE 68137 • (402) 451-0787
Karen Authier- Executive Director, Carol Krueger - Director of Social Services
Kim Anderson - Pregnancy, Parenting & Adoption Program Director, Kim Schenkleberg - Intake Coordinator,
Christina Nemec, Amy Frey, Dick Stoll - Caseworkers
3549 Fontenelle Blvd. • Omaha, NE 68104 • (402) 451-0787
invite us in
Becky Crofoot & Kathy Hoyt - Post Placement Services
Michelle Moline, Supervisor, Jaime Heedum, Kathi Plato, Andrea von Rein, Joe Maggett, Brooke Eggert,
Gwen Ruetter, Amy Watson- Foster Care Staff
Meghan Malik - Children and Family Center Director, Tonya Moore, Dacia Benton, Maria Klynsma,
Terri Birmingham, Kelly Schiermeyer, April Thomas, Heather Simon, Renee Bear,
Paula Malatek - Children and Family Center Staff
We are available to speak!
4700 Valley Road • Lincoln, NE 68510 • (402) 483-7879
Becky McElhose, Bobbi Richard, Betty Wilson - Caseworkers The Pregnancy, Parenting and Adop-
1835 E. Military Ave. Suite 117 • Fremont, NE 68025 • (402) 727-0767
tion Program staff is willing and
Angela Wulf - Caseworker available to share the story of NCHS
908 Howard Ave. Suite 107 • Grand Island, NE 68803 • (308) 381-0568 and information on the program to
Sheri Jelinek - Caseworker your service organizations, church
P.O. Box 1896 • 2222 2nd Avenue, Suite 802 • Kearney, NE 68847 • (308) 237-2304 groups, schools, or others. For more
Briana Woodside - Caseworker
information, please contact Kim
2501 Lakeridge Dr., Suite 104B • Norfolk, NE 68701 • (402) 379-3378 Anderson at 402-451-0787 or at
Teri Wendel - Caseworker
kanderson@nchs.org
P.O. Box 596 • 806 So. Dewey • North Platte, NE 69103 • (308) 534-3250
Rhonda Christensen - Caseworker
P.O. Box 243 • Gothenburg, NE 69138 • (308) 537-7296
Our staff looks forward to
Jan Gill - Caseworker sharing the story of NCHS
321 Flack Street • Alliance, NE 69301 • (308) 762-6868
Kari Narjes - Caseworker in your community.
115 Railway Street • P.O. Box 2181 • Scottsbluff, NE 69363 • (308) 632-8377
Kari Narjes - Caseworker
All NCHS email addresses are first initial of first name, last name, @nchs.org: ie: kauthier@nchs.org
OMAHA, NE
4939 So. 118th St. • Omaha, NE 68137
PERMIT NO. 379
PAID
U.S. POSTAGE
ORG.
NON PROFIT
Adoption Newsletter
A Quarterly Publication of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society Summer Quarter 2010
Fathers: Who Needs Them?
by Dick Stoll, Caseworker
Fatherhood is the single most creative, complicated, fulfilling, frustrating,
engrossing, enriching, depleting endeavor of a mans adult life.
~Kyle Pruett
Last month was Father’s Day, the day set aside to recognize the contribution
of fathers to their families. During my lifetime (I know that is a big hunk of
time), fathers portrayal by television has changed dramatically. Compare the
“Involved fathers bring fathers in the TV shows I watched as a child, Father Knows Best (presumptuous
I know), Make Room for Daddy and My Three Sons to more current portrayals
positive benefits to their in the shows, The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond and According to Jim.
We have gone from dads being seen in an idealized manner as calm, thoughtful
children that no other and wise men, to fathers in the current depictions seen as immature, foolish and
hapless men. I am sure that like anything else, fathers fall on a curve between
person is likely to bring.” these two extreme representations at any given moment. I know I have had my
Homer Simpson “Doh!” moments.
- Dr. David Popenoe So in honor of Father’s Day, I thought I would write this article to let you know
that no matter where you land on that father curve, you play a very important
role in your child’s life just by being a dad. I want you to know that by being
Highlights : an active, involved father you influence your child every moment of every day
(Scary isn’t it?).
• Fathers: Who Needs Them?
It has been well documented what happens when children do not have a positive
• Adoption Reading Resources male role model in their lives. For boys, who do not have an involved male,
they are significantly more likely to drop out of high school, exhibit behavioral
• The power of photographs disorders, use alcohol or drugs, attempt suicide and be involved in criminal
behavior. Girls who do not have a father figure in their lives are more likely to
• Statewide Calendar of Events abuse drugs and alcohol, engage in sexual activity at an early age, get pregnant
in their teens, have behavior problems, drop out of school and are more likely to
• Make Your Plans to Join Us for face a life of poverty.
A Night at the Ballpark - August 28th
So what kind of effect do dads have on their children’s lives? A noted
sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, one of the pioneers of the research into fathers
and fatherhood says, “Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home.
continued on page 2
Fathers: Who Needs Them?, article continued from the front page...
Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.”
A review of the literature suggests that fathers who are active and nurturing with their children are rewarded
with children who have higher test scores in school, stronger language skills, better cognitive skills and
higher achievement levels. These children are more patient, curious and confident. They are more cooperative
when they enter school and are often more focused on their work. They have increased motor and physical
development. These children appear more confident when it comes to tackling complex mathematical
and logical puzzles. They are secure and are more likely to explore the world around them with increased
enthusiasm and curiosity than those without fathers. Some say that children with fathers present in their lives
exhibit much more independence and have better self esteem. Fathers often contribute to children learning
self -control by setting the limits. Fathers help girls and boys learn a healthy balance between timidity and
aggression.
Join me at the PREPARE meeting Tuesday, November 16th at 7pm at the NCHS Durham building for a
discussion on fathers and fatherhood. I will present more information on the role of fathers in parenting and
how their involvement benefits their sons and daughters. We will talk about how moms and dads differ in their
parenting and what the children gain from those differences. And last but not least, you will receive suggestions
on tuning up your parenting style. Whether you are parenting now or not, come share your thoughts on
fatherhood and parenting.
Quotes for Fathers
“A man’s worth is measured by how he parents his children. What
he gives them, what he keeps away from them, the lessons he
teaches and the lessons he allows them
to learn on their own.”
~Lisa Rogers
“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone
special to be a dad.”
~Proverb
“A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.”
~Knights of Pythagoras
“My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and
let me watch him do it.”
~Clarence Budington Kelland
2
Book Club - This club encourages reading and
Special EVENTS
discussion about adoption and parenting and encour- A Night at the Ballpark
ages sharing of experiences and ideas about the topic
of the book. Saturday August 28, 2010
Oak Lake Park, 1st & Charleston, Lincoln, NE
Omaha (O) - BBQ 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. / Game at 7:05 p.m.
Call Dick Stoll to join the discussion. BBQ Only Tickets - $20, $10 kids 12 and under
Game Tickets - $7.50
Triad Midwest -
p Adoptionadvice and provideShare ideas on search-
ing, offer support for one another. Join other NCHS families at Oak Lake Park,
Omaha (O) - meets the Fourth Monday, 7:00 p.m. complete with kids activities, great food,
raffle and auction items and the chance for
PASE (Post Adoption Support and Education) - your child to be one of the 3 chosen to throw
Open to all foster and adoptive parents. out the first pitch! Then stay for the 7:05pm
Lexington (LX) - meets August 2nd and August 30th Saltdogs game where all the kids are invited
from 7:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. at Lutheran Family down to the field to sing “Take Me Out to the
Services. Call Jan Gill at 308-537-7296. Ballgame,” followed by an exciting fireworks
display.
NEW GROUPS! Contact Gary Nelson at 402.451.0787 or
gnelson@nchsfoundation.org
For Middle School Students who Joined Their
Family Through Adoption.
Lincoln (L)- meets during the school year
Adoptive Family Picnic
Adoption Circle - For the Adult Adopted Person,
Adoptive Parents, and Birth Parents who are or have August 14th, 2010
been involved in the search process. 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.
Lincoln (L)- meets the Third Monday, 7:00 p.m. Shelter House at Alliance Park, Alliance, NE
August 16, September 20, October 18
The adoptive family picnic is for any adoptive
Toddler Talk & Parenting Toddlers- families, placed and waiting, birth parents
Lincoln (L) - meets at Lincoln office the 3rd or anyone else interested in or involved with
Thursday of each month at 6:30 p.m. Please call NCHS.
Bobbi Richard to get your name on the waiting list. Contact Kari Narjes at 308.762.6868 or
402.483.7879 knarjes@nchs.org
Extended Family Workshop
Lincoln (L) - meets Saturday, August 14th,
9:00 a.m. to noon, Lincoln office Harvest of Hope
Tri-City Area (T-C) - meets Saturday, August 21st, October 23, 2010
9 a.m. to noon, First United Methodist Church in 5:30 p.m.
Kearney, NE. RSVP to Briana Sandhills Convention Center, North Platte, NE
Tickets- $35, $15 children 12 and under
Birth Mother Retreat Join us for an enchanting evening filled with
friends, food and fun. Featuring a silent and
October 9 - 10, 2010
oral auction, dinner and entertainment.
Aurora, NE
RSVP to Amy Brant at 402.451.0787 or
For questions or to register please contact:
abrant@nchsfoundation.org
Angela Wulf at 402.451.0787 or
awulf@nchs.org
7
Calendar of events
Regular Monthly Meetings
Birth Parent Support Group - A time to support, P.L.A.Y. Parents Learning About Youngsters -
offer advice and talk with others who have been P.L.A.Y. is a parenting support group for moms
through the same unique experiences. and dads discussing current parenting topics.
Omaha (O) - meets the First Wednesday, August 4, Omaha (O) - meets the Second Wednesday,
September 1, October 6, 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. 6:00 p.m.
Lincoln (L) - meets the third Thursday of each Ready, Set... Deliver! - Childbirth education class
month at 6:30pm. for single parents
August - No meeting; September - “When Grief Lincoln (L) - meets the First Friday
Resurfaces”; October - Birth Parent Retreat Oct. 9 6:00 - 8:00 p.m.
and 10; November - Ages and stages of Adoption; August 6, September 10* and October 1
December - Holiday Party
Columbus (C) - June 28 Baby Talk - Newborn care class for parents
Lincoln (L) - meets the 2nd Friday
Birth Parent Support Group II - For women who 6:00 - 9:00 p.m.
placed more than 5 years ago August 13, September 17* and October 8
Lincoln (L) - meets quarterly, Second Thursday, Parenting 101- Newborn Care - NCHS partners
7:00 p.m. with Methodist Health Systems to provide new-
born care classes for new and prospective Adop-
PREPARE Group - Parenting Tips, Resources, tive Parents. Call Dick for locations.
Education, Partnership, Adoption Readiness, Rela-
tionships, Encouragement. For couples who are in * = denotes special meeting date and/or time
the waiting process of adoption. The group provides
a wonderful outlet for these couples to share experi-
ences and learn from one another. contact information for each Location
Omaha (O) -
Omaha (O) - No meeting in July and August. Next All sessions hosted at the Durham Building at 4939 South 118th Street in
meeting, September 21, 7:00 p.m. Omaha unless otherwise stated.
Lincoln (L) - meets the Second Monday, No meet- Call Dick, Amy or Christina at (402) 451-0787.
ing in August. Monday, September 13, 7:00 p.m. and Fremont (F) -
Monday, October 11, 7:00 p.m. All sessions hosted at 1835 E. Military Ave. Call Angela at (402) 727-0767.
North Platte/Gothenburg (NP) - August 10th: Ethical
Lincoln (L) -
adoption awareness (NP office, 6:30 p.m. to 8:30pm) All sessions hosted at 4700 Valley Road. Call Dara at (402) 483-7879.
Grand Island/Hastings/Kearney Tri-City Area (T-
C)- meets the Third Thursday of the month, rotating North Platte (NP) -
For North Platte and Gothenburg area sessions call Rhonda (308) 534-3250
between Kearney, Grand Island and Hastings, August in North Platte or Jan (308) 537-7296 in Gothenberg.
- vacation month, no group. September 16, Kearney
- NCHS DVD on the “Effects of Perinatal Drug/Al- Grand Island/Kearney/Hastings Tri-City Area (T-C) -
Call Sheri (308) 381-0568 in Grand Island or Briana (308) 237-2304 in
cohol Exposure” by Kathleen Caldwell. October 21, Kearney for locations.
Grand Island
Norfolk (N) - August 18, October 20, 7 p.m., Norfolk Norfolk (N) - Call Teri at (402) 379-3378.
office Panhandle (P)- Session hosted at Alliance Public Library.
Fremont (F) - September 14th at 7:00 p.m., Fremont Call Kari at (308) 632-8377
office. Birth mother retreat is in Aurora on October
9 and 10.
Panhandle (P) - September 7th at 6:30 p.m., Alliance
Public Library
6
Join parenting book club
nchs’s
Anyone can participate, prospective adoptive parents or parents of any age child. You
do not need to be affiliated with NCHS to participate.
To join the Book Club, or for more information, in Omaha please contact
Dick Stoll at (402) 451-0787 or dstoll@nchs.org.
In Lincoln, contact Becky McElhose at (402) 483-7879 or bmcelhose@nchs.org.
Book Review
“What A Difference A Daddy Makes”
by Dr. Kevin Leman. Reviewed by Christina Nemec, NCHS
Caseworker
Dr. Leman discusses the many reasons why daddies need to create a special relationship with their daughters. He
writes about the things dads should talk about with their daughters to make a positive impact on their choices. He
also talks about how husbands should behave toward their wives to model the positive relationship they want their
daughters to witness.
This book is well-written and a quick read. Dr. Leman gives easy to understand explanations and great real life
stories from his experiences as well as from situations with other dads. I highly recommend this book to all fathers.
I would recommend it to moms as well to know what a great relationship their husbands can have with their
daughters and to see the wonderful benefits of that relationship.
3
Freeze Frame
The power of photographs from
a NCHS birth mother’s point of view.
There is the old familiar saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Through my experiences with adoption, I believe that
they are worth so much more! Pictures are a way of capturing the most important memories in our lives, a way of freezing
moments in time to be cherished. I’ll never forget the first pictures I had of my birthson. After he was released from the
hospital, he stayed with a local family for a few days until it was time to meet his new parents. The family he stayed with
gave me pictures they had taken of him during the few days that he had spent with them. I stared at those pictures for months!
Taking in his little round cheeks and chubby legs. Wondering if his fuzzy brown hair would stay brown or if it would change.
Wondering if his parents would really send pictures to me over the years, like their profile mentioned they would be open to,
or if these pictures would be my only lifeline to the son I loved, but wanted so much more for than what I could give. These
pictures froze for me, a most precious moment in time.
I met my birthson’s parents on the day that I placed him with them. They gave me a picture frame and promised to send a
picture of him to put in it. I didn’t know their last name or where they were from, but I held on to the hope that I would be able
to see pictures of my birthson over the years, pictures that captured the momentous occasions; such as the first days of school,
birthdays, graduations, weddings, along with the spontaneous moments of everyday activities. My hopes were realized and for
the first few years they sent gobs and gobs of pictures! They sent pictures of their house and his nursery so I could visualize
where he was. They sent pictures of their family and friends interacting with him so I could see that he was happy and well-
loved! I would carry around the pictures in an envelope for a while, taking them out of my purse and staring at them whenever
I could. Eventually, they went in a photo album, where I could keep them all in order and peek at them to my heart’s content. It
amazed me to see his dark brown fuzzy hair turn blonde and to see him growing (and growing and growing)! I felt so fortunate
to have those pictures!
“Pictures truly are worth more than a thousand words, and when you
have an adoption story, they are priceless!”
Over time, my relationship with my birthson and his family became an open one. Now I had pictures of me WITH him! I
could actually see some of those momentous occasions first hand and take pictures of him myself! It was more than I ever
imagined when I began my adoption journey. One thing I noticed though was that as our relationship opened up, and as the
digital picture phase began, I rarely receive pictures from his parents anymore. Maybe it’s because life gets busy and it’s hard
to remember to download pictures, I’m not really sure, but I really do miss those pictures!
I’m fortunate to be able to visit my birthson and his family a few times each year. I try to always take a few pictures when I
visit; to have something to hold on to, to stare at, to find resemblances, to see how he has changed from the last time I saw him,
to share with my friends or to just simply smile at. If I were to receive an emailed picture of my birthson, just a simple picture
out of the blue, it would make my week! Pictures truly are worth more than a thousand words, and when you have an adoption
story, they are priceless!
4
Book Review
The Whole Life Adoption Book (Revised c. 2008)
By Jayne E. Schooler & Thomas Atwood
Reviewed by Brook Hansen
I liked this book. I would recommend this book to couples that are in the pre-adoption stage of their journey (like my husband
and I are) and also to parents that have adopted children already living in their homes. I liked the topics that were addressed and
thought they were discussed in a more positive way than other books I have read.
After reading The Whole Life Adoption Book, I noted 5 points that were discussed and important for my husband and I (and our
family) to discuss together.
•Parenthood for adoptive couples requires the same skills as parenting a biological child. However, there are additional
issues that adoptive parents need to be aware of and have an intimate knowledge of.
•Adoptive parents need to ask themselves: ‘How do we view our family?’, ‘How do we develop an atmosphere of
belonging?’ and ‘How do we share our child’s past with them in a positive way?’
•Healthy adoptive families understand the importance of developing a stable family environment that encourages close
relationships and acknowledges the importance of communicating about adoption. They also understand that adoption is
a lifelong commitment and is maintained even through difficult times.
•The Whole Life Adoption Book addresses some possible post-adoptive challenges and strategies for the adoptive family.
Issues that children already in the home might deal with such as new discipline techniques or house rules. Issues for
family members such as understanding where they fit in. Issues for neighbors and friends might include using accurate
vocabulary when discussing adoption.
•Understanding that adopted children have experienced a tremendous loss – the loss of their parents, their genealogy, their
culture - and that sometime in the future these issues will be revisited. Learn as much about your child’s history and
family as possible.
These five points are addressed in the first half of this book. The remainder of The Whole Life Adoption Book covers issues that
arise once your child has been in your home for a while or is older. These issues would include communicating with your child
about their past (this chapter talks about creating a ‘Life Book’). The book also covers potential thoughts and feelings about
adoption that adolescents and teens may have and how to understand and deal with those feelings. Lastly, this book reiterates the
importance of being a nurturing family. Every child deserves to belong, to be valued and to be loved unconditionally.
nchs mission:
The mission of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society is
to provide safe and loving care to children of all ages.
Adoption Newsletter is a quarterly publication of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society.
We welcome your feedback on this issue. Contact the editor with your comments at:
Editor, Adoption Newsletter
Nebraska Children’s Home Society
4939 S. 118th Street, Omaha, NE 68137
Reader Submissions are welcome. Submissions may be evaluated, edited and selected based on available space
and content. To submit your newsletter ideas, contact your local caseworker or the Adoption Newsletter editor,
Kathleen Al-Marhoon, at kalmarhoon@nchsfoundation.org or (402) 451-0787.
www.nchs.org 5 5
