invite us in by dfgh4bnmu


									           nchs off ices and caseworkers
                     4939 So. 118th St. • Omaha, NE 68137 • (402) 451-0787
              Karen Authier- Executive Director, Carol Krueger - Director of Social Services
Kim Anderson - Pregnancy, Parenting & Adoption Program Director, Kim Schenkleberg - Intake Coordinator,
                          Christina Nemec, Amy Frey, Dick Stoll - Caseworkers

                  3549 Fontenelle Blvd. • Omaha, NE 68104 • (402) 451-0787
                                                                                                                   invite us in
                         Becky Crofoot & Kathy Hoyt - Post Placement Services
  Michelle Moline, Supervisor, Jaime Heedum, Kathi Plato, Andrea von Rein, Joe Maggett, Brooke Eggert,
                               Gwen Ruetter, Amy Watson- Foster Care Staff
   Meghan Malik - Children and Family Center Director, Tonya Moore, Dacia Benton, Maria Klynsma,
            Terri Birmingham, Kelly Schiermeyer, April Thomas, Heather Simon, Renee Bear,
                            Paula Malatek - Children and Family Center Staff
                                                                                                                    We are available to speak!
                     4700 Valley Road • Lincoln, NE 68510 • (402) 483-7879
                      Becky McElhose, Bobbi Richard, Betty Wilson - Caseworkers                                  The Pregnancy, Parenting and Adop-
             1835 E. Military Ave. Suite 117 • Fremont, NE 68025 • (402) 727-0767
                                                                                                                 tion Program staff is willing and
                                        Angela Wulf - Caseworker                                                 available to share the story of NCHS
             908 Howard Ave. Suite 107 • Grand Island, NE 68803 • (308) 381-0568                                 and information on the program to
                                        Sheri Jelinek - Caseworker                                               your service organizations, church
      P.O. Box 1896 • 2222 2nd Avenue, Suite 802 • Kearney, NE 68847 • (308) 237-2304                            groups, schools, or others. For more
                                     Briana Woodside - Caseworker
                                                                                                                 information, please contact Kim
             2501 Lakeridge Dr., Suite 104B • Norfolk, NE 68701 • (402) 379-3378                                 Anderson at 402-451-0787 or at
                                        Teri Wendel - Caseworker
           P.O. Box 596 • 806 So. Dewey • North Platte, NE 69103 • (308) 534-3250
                                    Rhonda Christensen - Caseworker

                     P.O. Box 243 • Gothenburg, NE 69138 • (308) 537-7296
                                                                                                                     Our staff looks forward to
                                          Jan Gill - Caseworker                                                      sharing the story of NCHS
                     321 Flack Street • Alliance, NE 69301 • (308) 762-6868
                                        Kari Narjes - Caseworker                                                        in your community.
         115 Railway Street • P.O. Box 2181 • Scottsbluff, NE 69363 • (308) 632-8377
                                        Kari Narjes - Caseworker
   All NCHS email addresses are first initial of first name, last name, ie:

      OMAHA, NE
                                                                                                           4939 So. 118th St. • Omaha, NE 68137
    PERMIT NO. 379
                     Adoption Newsletter
                     A Quarterly Publication of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society                 Summer Quarter 2010

                                               Fathers: Who Needs Them?
                                               by Dick Stoll, Caseworker

                                               Fatherhood is the single most creative, complicated, fulfilling, frustrating,
                                                    engrossing, enriching, depleting endeavor of a mans adult life.
                                                                             ~Kyle Pruett

                                           Last month was Father’s Day, the day set aside to recognize the contribution
                                           of fathers to their families. During my lifetime (I know that is a big hunk of
                                           time), fathers portrayal by television has changed dramatically. Compare the
  “Involved fathers bring                  fathers in the TV shows I watched as a child, Father Knows Best (presumptuous
                                           I know), Make Room for Daddy and My Three Sons to more current portrayals
 positive benefits to their                in the shows, The Simpsons, Everybody Loves Raymond and According to Jim.
                                           We have gone from dads being seen in an idealized manner as calm, thoughtful
   children that no other                  and wise men, to fathers in the current depictions seen as immature, foolish and
                                           hapless men. I am sure that like anything else, fathers fall on a curve between
person is likely to bring.”                these two extreme representations at any given moment. I know I have had my
                                           Homer Simpson “Doh!” moments.
 - Dr. David Popenoe                       So in honor of Father’s Day, I thought I would write this article to let you know
                                           that no matter where you land on that father curve, you play a very important
                                           role in your child’s life just by being a dad. I want you to know that by being

Highlights           :                     an active, involved father you influence your child every moment of every day
                                           (Scary isn’t it?).
 • Fathers: Who Needs Them?
                                           It has been well documented what happens when children do not have a positive
 • Adoption Reading Resources              male role model in their lives. For boys, who do not have an involved male,
                                           they are significantly more likely to drop out of high school, exhibit behavioral
 • The power of photographs                disorders, use alcohol or drugs, attempt suicide and be involved in criminal
                                           behavior. Girls who do not have a father figure in their lives are more likely to
 • Statewide Calendar of Events            abuse drugs and alcohol, engage in sexual activity at an early age, get pregnant
                                           in their teens, have behavior problems, drop out of school and are more likely to
 • Make Your Plans to Join Us for          face a life of poverty.
 A Night at the Ballpark - August 28th
                                           So what kind of effect do dads have on their children’s lives? A noted
                                           sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, one of the pioneers of the research into fathers
                                           and fatherhood says, “Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home.

                                                                                                       continued on page   2
Fathers: Who Needs Them?, article continued from the front page...
 Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.”

 A review of the literature suggests that fathers who are active and nurturing with their children are rewarded
 with children who have higher test scores in school, stronger language skills, better cognitive skills and
 higher achievement levels. These children are more patient, curious and confident. They are more cooperative
 when they enter school and are often more focused on their work. They have increased motor and physical
 development. These children appear more confident when it comes to tackling complex mathematical
 and logical puzzles. They are secure and are more likely to explore the world around them with increased
 enthusiasm and curiosity than those without fathers. Some say that children with fathers present in their lives
 exhibit much more independence and have better self esteem. Fathers often contribute to children learning
 self -control by setting the limits. Fathers help girls and boys learn a healthy balance between timidity and

 Join me at the PREPARE meeting Tuesday, November 16th at 7pm at the NCHS Durham building for a
 discussion on fathers and fatherhood. I will present more information on the role of fathers in parenting and
 how their involvement benefits their sons and daughters. We will talk about how moms and dads differ in their
 parenting and what the children gain from those differences. And last but not least, you will receive suggestions
 on tuning up your parenting style. Whether you are parenting now or not, come share your thoughts on
 fatherhood and parenting.

                                                Quotes for Fathers
                                  “A man’s worth is measured by how he parents his children. What
                                    he gives them, what he keeps away from them, the lessons he
                                               teaches and the lessons he allows them
                                                       to learn on their own.”
                                                            ~Lisa Rogers

                                             “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone
                                                        special to be a dad.”

                                   “A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.”
                                                     ~Knights of Pythagoras

                                           “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and
                                                       let me watch him do it.”
                                                    ~Clarence Budington Kelland

     Book Club - This club encourages reading and
                                                              Special EVENTS
     discussion about adoption and parenting and encour-           A Night at the Ballpark
     ages sharing of experiences and ideas about the topic
     of the book.                                             Saturday August 28, 2010
                                                              Oak Lake Park, 1st & Charleston, Lincoln, NE
     Omaha (O) -                                              BBQ 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. / Game at 7:05 p.m.
     Call Dick Stoll to join the discussion.                  BBQ Only Tickets - $20, $10 kids 12 and under
                                                              Game Tickets - $7.50
             Triad Midwest -
p Adoptionadvice and provideShare ideas on search-
  ing, offer                 support for one another.         Join other NCHS families at Oak Lake Park,
     Omaha (O) - meets the Fourth Monday, 7:00 p.m.           complete with kids activities, great food,
                                                              raffle and auction items and the chance for
     PASE (Post Adoption Support and Education) -             your child to be one of the 3 chosen to throw
     Open to all foster and adoptive parents.                 out the first pitch! Then stay for the 7:05pm
     Lexington (LX) - meets August 2nd and August 30th        Saltdogs game where all the kids are invited
     from 7:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. at Lutheran Family            down to the field to sing “Take Me Out to the
     Services. Call Jan Gill at 308-537-7296.                 Ballgame,” followed by an exciting fireworks
                       NEW GROUPS!                            Contact Gary Nelson at 402.451.0787 or
     For Middle School Students who Joined Their
     Family Through Adoption.
     Lincoln (L)- meets during the school year
                                                                   Adoptive Family Picnic
     Adoption Circle - For the Adult Adopted Person,
     Adoptive Parents, and Birth Parents who are or have     August 14th, 2010
     been involved in the search process.                    4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.
     Lincoln (L)- meets the Third Monday, 7:00 p.m.          Shelter House at Alliance Park, Alliance, NE
     August 16, September 20, October 18
                                                             The adoptive family picnic is for any adoptive
     Toddler Talk & Parenting Toddlers-                      families, placed and waiting, birth parents
     Lincoln (L) - meets at Lincoln office the 3rd           or anyone else interested in or involved with
     Thursday of each month at 6:30 p.m. Please call         NCHS.
     Bobbi Richard to get your name on the waiting list.     Contact Kari Narjes at 308.762.6868 or
    Extended Family Workshop
    Lincoln (L) - meets Saturday, August 14th,
    9:00 a.m. to noon, Lincoln office                                   Harvest of Hope
    Tri-City Area (T-C) - meets Saturday, August 21st,       October 23, 2010
    9 a.m. to noon, First United Methodist Church in         5:30 p.m.
    Kearney, NE. RSVP to Briana                              Sandhills Convention Center, North Platte, NE
                                                             Tickets- $35, $15 children 12 and under

             Birth Mother Retreat                            Join us for an enchanting evening filled with
                                                             friends, food and fun. Featuring a silent and
    October 9 - 10, 2010
                                                             oral auction, dinner and entertainment.
    Aurora, NE
                                                             RSVP to Amy Brant at 402.451.0787 or
    For questions or to register please contact:
    Angela Wulf at 402.451.0787 or
                                          Calendar of events
                                               Regular Monthly Meetings
     Birth Parent Support Group - A time to support,                 P.L.A.Y. Parents Learning About Youngsters -
     offer advice and talk with others who have been                 P.L.A.Y. is a parenting support group for moms
     through the same unique experiences.                            and dads discussing current parenting topics.
     Omaha (O) - meets the First Wednesday, August 4,                Omaha (O) - meets the Second Wednesday,
     September 1, October 6, 6:00 - 8:00 p.m.                        6:00 p.m.
     Lincoln (L) - meets the third Thursday of each                  Ready, Set... Deliver! - Childbirth education class
     month at 6:30pm.                                                for single parents
     August - No meeting; September - “When Grief                    Lincoln (L) - meets the First Friday
     Resurfaces”; October - Birth Parent Retreat Oct. 9               6:00 - 8:00 p.m.
     and 10; November - Ages and stages of Adoption;                 August 6, September 10* and October 1
     December - Holiday Party
     Columbus (C) - June 28                                          Baby Talk - Newborn care class for parents
                                                                     Lincoln (L) - meets the 2nd Friday
     Birth Parent Support Group II - For women who                   6:00 - 9:00 p.m.
     placed more than 5 years ago                                    August 13, September 17* and October 8
     Lincoln (L) - meets quarterly, Second Thursday,                  Parenting 101- Newborn Care - NCHS partners
     7:00 p.m.                                                        with Methodist Health Systems to provide new-
                                                                      born care classes for new and prospective Adop-
    PREPARE Group - Parenting Tips, Resources,                        tive Parents. Call Dick for locations.
    Education, Partnership, Adoption Readiness, Rela-
    tionships, Encouragement. For couples who are in                  * = denotes special meeting date and/or time
    the waiting process of adoption. The group provides
    a wonderful outlet for these couples to share experi-
    ences and learn from one another.                                 contact information for each Location

                                                            Omaha (O) -
    Omaha (O) - No meeting in July and August. Next         All sessions hosted at the Durham Building at 4939 South 118th Street in
    meeting, September 21, 7:00 p.m.                        Omaha unless otherwise stated.
    Lincoln (L) - meets the Second Monday, No meet-         Call Dick, Amy or Christina at (402) 451-0787.
    ing in August. Monday, September 13, 7:00 p.m. and      Fremont (F) -
    Monday, October 11, 7:00 p.m.                           All sessions hosted at 1835 E. Military Ave. Call Angela at (402) 727-0767.
    North Platte/Gothenburg (NP) - August 10th: Ethical
                                                            Lincoln (L) -
    adoption awareness (NP office, 6:30 p.m. to 8:30pm)     All sessions hosted at 4700 Valley Road. Call Dara at (402) 483-7879.
    Grand Island/Hastings/Kearney Tri-City Area (T-
    C)- meets the Third Thursday of the month, rotating     North Platte (NP) -
                                                            For North Platte and Gothenburg area sessions call Rhonda (308) 534-3250
    between Kearney, Grand Island and Hastings, August      in North Platte or Jan (308) 537-7296 in Gothenberg.
    - vacation month, no group. September 16, Kearney
    - NCHS DVD on the “Effects of Perinatal Drug/Al-        Grand Island/Kearney/Hastings Tri-City Area (T-C) -
                                                            Call Sheri (308) 381-0568 in Grand Island or Briana (308) 237-2304 in
    cohol Exposure” by Kathleen Caldwell. October 21,       Kearney for locations.
    Grand Island
    Norfolk (N) - August 18, October 20, 7 p.m., Norfolk    Norfolk (N) - Call Teri at (402) 379-3378.
    office                                                  Panhandle (P)- Session hosted at Alliance Public Library.
    Fremont (F) - September 14th at 7:00 p.m., Fremont      Call Kari at (308) 632-8377
    office. Birth mother retreat is in Aurora on October
    9 and 10.
    Panhandle (P) - September 7th at 6:30 p.m., Alliance
    Public Library

Join parenting book club

Anyone can participate, prospective adoptive parents or parents of any age child. You
do not need to be affiliated with NCHS to participate.

To join the Book Club, or for more information, in Omaha please contact
Dick Stoll at (402) 451-0787 or
 In Lincoln, contact Becky McElhose at (402) 483-7879 or

Book Review
                               “What A Difference A Daddy Makes”
                        by Dr. Kevin Leman. Reviewed by Christina Nemec, NCHS

Dr. Leman discusses the many reasons why daddies need to create a special relationship with their daughters. He
writes about the things dads should talk about with their daughters to make a positive impact on their choices. He
also talks about how husbands should behave toward their wives to model the positive relationship they want their
daughters to witness.

This book is well-written and a quick read. Dr. Leman gives easy to understand explanations and great real life
stories from his experiences as well as from situations with other dads. I highly recommend this book to all fathers.
I would recommend it to moms as well to know what a great relationship their husbands can have with their
daughters and to see the wonderful benefits of that relationship.

                                                                 Freeze Frame
                                                           The power of photographs from
                                                        a NCHS birth mother’s point of view.

There is the old familiar saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Through my experiences with adoption, I believe that
they are worth so much more! Pictures are a way of capturing the most important memories in our lives, a way of freezing
moments in time to be cherished. I’ll never forget the first pictures I had of my birthson. After he was released from the
hospital, he stayed with a local family for a few days until it was time to meet his new parents. The family he stayed with
gave me pictures they had taken of him during the few days that he had spent with them. I stared at those pictures for months!
Taking in his little round cheeks and chubby legs. Wondering if his fuzzy brown hair would stay brown or if it would change.
Wondering if his parents would really send pictures to me over the years, like their profile mentioned they would be open to,
or if these pictures would be my only lifeline to the son I loved, but wanted so much more for than what I could give. These
pictures froze for me, a most precious moment in time.

I met my birthson’s parents on the day that I placed him with them. They gave me a picture frame and promised to send a
picture of him to put in it. I didn’t know their last name or where they were from, but I held on to the hope that I would be able
to see pictures of my birthson over the years, pictures that captured the momentous occasions; such as the first days of school,
birthdays, graduations, weddings, along with the spontaneous moments of everyday activities. My hopes were realized and for
the first few years they sent gobs and gobs of pictures! They sent pictures of their house and his nursery so I could visualize
where he was. They sent pictures of their family and friends interacting with him so I could see that he was happy and well-
loved! I would carry around the pictures in an envelope for a while, taking them out of my purse and staring at them whenever
I could. Eventually, they went in a photo album, where I could keep them all in order and peek at them to my heart’s content. It
amazed me to see his dark brown fuzzy hair turn blonde and to see him growing (and growing and growing)! I felt so fortunate
to have those pictures!

                       “Pictures truly are worth more than a thousand words, and when you
                                    have an adoption story, they are priceless!”
Over time, my relationship with my birthson and his family became an open one. Now I had pictures of me WITH him! I
could actually see some of those momentous occasions first hand and take pictures of him myself! It was more than I ever
imagined when I began my adoption journey. One thing I noticed though was that as our relationship opened up, and as the
digital picture phase began, I rarely receive pictures from his parents anymore. Maybe it’s because life gets busy and it’s hard
to remember to download pictures, I’m not really sure, but I really do miss those pictures!

I’m fortunate to be able to visit my birthson and his family a few times each year. I try to always take a few pictures when I
visit; to have something to hold on to, to stare at, to find resemblances, to see how he has changed from the last time I saw him,
to share with my friends or to just simply smile at. If I were to receive an emailed picture of my birthson, just a simple picture
out of the blue, it would make my week! Pictures truly are worth more than a thousand words, and when you have an adoption
story, they are priceless!

                  Book Review
         The Whole Life Adoption Book (Revised c. 2008)
                   By Jayne E. Schooler & Thomas Atwood
                         Reviewed by Brook Hansen
I liked this book. I would recommend this book to couples that are in the pre-adoption stage of their journey (like my husband
and I are) and also to parents that have adopted children already living in their homes. I liked the topics that were addressed and
thought they were discussed in a more positive way than other books I have read.

 After reading The Whole Life Adoption Book, I noted 5 points that were discussed and important for my husband and I (and our
family) to discuss together.

        •Parenthood for adoptive couples requires the same skills as parenting a biological child. However, there are additional
        issues that adoptive parents need to be aware of and have an intimate knowledge of.

        •Adoptive parents need to ask themselves: ‘How do we view our family?’, ‘How do we develop an atmosphere of
        belonging?’ and ‘How do we share our child’s past with them in a positive way?’

        •Healthy adoptive families understand the importance of developing a stable family environment that encourages close
        relationships and acknowledges the importance of communicating about adoption. They also understand that adoption is
        a lifelong commitment and is maintained even through difficult times.

        •The Whole Life Adoption Book addresses some possible post-adoptive challenges and strategies for the adoptive family.
        Issues that children already in the home might deal with such as new discipline techniques or house rules. Issues for
        family members such as understanding where they fit in. Issues for neighbors and friends might include using accurate
        vocabulary when discussing adoption.

        •Understanding that adopted children have experienced a tremendous loss – the loss of their parents, their genealogy, their
        culture - and that sometime in the future these issues will be revisited. Learn as much about your child’s history and
        family as possible.

These five points are addressed in the first half of this book. The remainder of The Whole Life Adoption Book covers issues that
arise once your child has been in your home for a while or is older. These issues would include communicating with your child
about their past (this chapter talks about creating a ‘Life Book’). The book also covers potential thoughts and feelings about
adoption that adolescents and teens may have and how to understand and deal with those feelings. Lastly, this book reiterates the
importance of being a nurturing family. Every child deserves to belong, to be valued and to be loved unconditionally.

                                                nchs mission:
                             The mission of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society is
                              to provide safe and loving care to children of all ages.

  Adoption Newsletter is a quarterly publication of the Nebraska Children’s Home Society.
  We welcome your feedback on this issue. Contact the editor with your comments at:

  Editor, Adoption Newsletter
  Nebraska Children’s Home Society
  4939 S. 118th Street, Omaha, NE 68137

  Reader Submissions are welcome. Submissions may be evaluated, edited and selected based on available space
  and content. To submit your newsletter ideas, contact your local caseworker or the Adoption Newsletter editor,
  Kathleen Al-Marhoon, at or (402) 451-0787.
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