The Simpsons ingredient is care.8 A sprinkle9 of Homer: I knew all this stuff would
chervil,10 half a teaspoon of come in handy18 someday. Let's
turmeric,11 and a whisper12 of see, now. Ah, here it is. The
MSG.13 Complete Handyman's Bookshelf.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to build “Volume 1: Spice Racks.” Pick up
a hammer. O.K. I got … I'm not
you a spice rack.14
the idiot I thought I was. Ooh!
Marge: Oh, you don't have to go Wow! Aaaaaah!
to all that trouble just for me.
Bart: Hey, Dad, can you move
Homer: It's no trouble! I got a your head?
whole garage of tools I never use!
Homer: No, I can't. It's broken.
Krusty the Klown: Hey, kids, I
spy15 Itchy and Scratchy off the Marge: Umm. Where would an
innocent child get the idea to attack
her father with a mallet?19
Bart: Hey, down in front.
Homer: Shut up, boy.
Marge: No, Maggie, bad baby!
Itchy & Scratchy Show: They fight
Itchy and Scratchy and Marge and bite, fight and bite and fight. Homer: Keep her away from me,
Fight fight fight, bite bite bite. The Marge! She's got that crazy look in
her eyes again!
Marge: A dash1 of rosemary,2 a Itchy & Scratchy Show.
smidgen3 of thyme,4 a pinch5 of Marge: So television's responsible.
marjoram ... Lisa: Hey, we were watching that.
Homer: You know, Marge, you 8
If you do something with care, you Bart: Mom, what are you doing?
make the best pork chops in the do it in a detailed or attentive way
whole world. Marge: Well, you won't be
because you do not want to make any watching these cartoons anymore.
Marge: Oh, now7 Homer, they're mistakes or cause any damage.
nothing special. The extra If you sprinkle a thing with
something such as a liquid or powder, Lisa: But Mom, if you take our
you scatter the liquid or powder over cartoons away, we'll grow up
it. without a sense of humor and be
A dash of something is a small 10 Chervil is a herb that tastes of robots.
quantity of it which you add when you aniseed.
are preparing food or mixing a drink. 11
Turmeric is a yellow spice that is Bart: Really? What kind of
Rosemary is a herb used in cooking. used to flavour hot food such as curry. robots?
It comes from an evergreen plant with A whisper is a small amount.
13 Nelson: I heard about the cartoons.
small spiky leaves. The plant is also MSG: Monosodium glutamate. A
called rosemary. seasoning that is very bad for your Tough break,20 man!
A smidgen is a small amount of health. Bart: Thanks, Nelson.
something; an informal word. A spice rack is a shelf where you
Thyme is a type of herb used in can store spice bottles and the like. Milhouse: Hey, what if you watch
If you spy someone or something, Itchy and Scratchy over at my
A pinch of an ingredient such as salt you notice them; a literary use. house?
is the amount of it that you can hold The port side of a ship is the left
Bart: Hey, that's just crazy enough
between your thumb and your first side when you are on it and facing
finger. towards the front. The front part of a to work.
Marjoram is a kind of herb. ship is called the bow or the bows.
In spoken English, you say ‘Now’ The plural bows can be used to refer 18
If something comes in handy, it is
or ‘Now then’ to indicate to the either to one or to more than one of useful in a particular situation.
person or people you are with that you these parts. A mallet is a wooden hammer with
want their attention, or that you are 17
Sit down. I can‟t see because you a square head.
about to change the subject. are blocking my view. 20
That‟s too bad! How unfortunate!
Homer: Hey-hey-hey, ya, but Homer: Everybody's looking at us,
Homer: You heard me, I won't be
yeah, what are ya gonna to do? Marge.
in for the rest of the week. I told
you! My baby beat me up! Oh, it is Marge: I'll tell you what I'm going Marge: Well, that's what we want
not the worst excuse I ever thought to do. I'm going to write a letter. them to do, Homer.
up. Wise guy.21 Dear purveyors25 of senseless Homer: Oh. Well, how long are
Marge: I wonder why Bart and violence: we going to have to be doing this?
Lisa are so late getting home from I know this may sound silly at first, Marge: Well, I've never changed
school. but I believe that the cartoons you the world before, so I don't know
Bart and Lisa: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. show to our children are how long it takes, exactly. But if
enough people take an interest …
Homer: Hey, how come you can influencing their behavior in a
negative way. Please try to tone
watch cartoons, but the kids can't. Helen: Hello, Marge. Oh, what is
down26 the psychotic27 violence in S.N.U.H.?
Marge: Because. your otherwise fine programming.
Yours truly, Marge Simpson.
Homer: „Cause why?
Myers: Take a letter, Miss White.
Marge: Because I said so. Marge: It stands for
Dear valued viewer, Springfieldians for Nonviolence,
Homer: Cause you said so, why? Thank you for taking an interest in Understanding, and Helping. I've
Marge: Homer, I'm trying to work. the Itchy and Scratchy program. started a crusade against cartoon
violence. I can protect my own
Homer: Oh. What are you doing? Enclosed is a personally
children, but there are many others
autographed photo of America's
Marge: I'm cataloging22 the whose minds are being warped
favorite cat and mouse team to add
violence in these cartoons. I don't every afternoon at 4:00.
to your collection. In regards to
think adults have ever actually sat
your specific comments about the Helen: Oh.
down and watched them before.
show, our research indicates that
What kind of warped23 human Bart: That reminds me. I got to
one person cannot make a
being would find that funny? get over to Milhouses' and … play
difference, no matter how big a sports.
Homer: Ha-ha-ha-ha. screwball28 she is, so let me close
by saying... Marge: All right.
Marge: Mmm... This is the kind of
entertainment they think is suitable Marge: [reading the letter] "… and Lisa: And I'm going over to Janie's
for younger and more the horse I rode in on?" I'll show again. We're going to be, um,
impressionable viewers? them29 what one screwball can do! making the most of our childhood
Marge: Have fun.
A purveyor of goods or services is
If you say that someone is a wise a person or company that provides Lisa and Bart: We will.
guy, you dislike the fact that they them. Marge: [through a megaphone]
think they are very clever and always If you tone down something that And what happens when a child
have an answer for everything; an you have written or said, you make it grows up with insanely violent roll
informal expression, used showing less forceful, severe, or offensive.
27 models like these? The answer is
disapproval. Someone who is psychotic has a
To catalogue things means to make type of severe mental illness; a
all around you. How many of you
a list of them. medical term. were hit on the head with mallets
If something warps someone‟s 28
Screwball comedy is silly and last week?
character, it damages them or it eccentric in an amusing and harmless
influences them in a bad way. way; an informal word. Homer: Um, I didn't know they
Someone who is impressionable, 29
You can say ‘I’ll show you’ (or still made TV dinners30 this bad.
usually a young person, is not very them) to threaten or warn someone
critical and is therefore easy to that you are going to make them admit
influence. that they are wrong. See link.
Bart: After dinner can I watch friend, Corporal Punishment,37 Homer: Hey-hey-hey. You know,
cartoons? again. some of these stories are pretty
good. I never knew mice lived such
Marge: NO! Audience: Booooo.
Homer: There's peas in my fruit Krusty: Please, stop it. What,
Marge: So much needless
cobbler!31 what, who are you people?
brutality.40 I don't know if I'm
Lisa: There's peas everywhere! Marge: What do we want? having any impact41 at all.
Bart: Oo, I guess I'll just go and Crowd: Less and less violence in
watch some cartoons. children's programming! Cartoon: Don't do that. Don't do
that. Hey, don't do that.
Marge: NO! I'm sorry about the Marge: When do we want it?
dinners. I make up for it32 Homer: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Take
Crowd: Now! that, you dumb squirrel. Hey-hey-
Krusty: No. You're ruining the hey-hey. Where do they get their
Bart: Hey, who's up for33 some show. Stop! Please stop. Oh, oh, ideas?
cartoons? please. Be quiet, please. Marge: What is it? What?
Marge: No one! Smartline? Yes, I've heard of your
Marge: What do we want?
Bart: All right. late night panel discussion show.
Krusty: I'm trying to earn a living Well, I've love to.
Homer: Hey, tomorrow night how here, all right? Stop!
about making some of your Announcer: Smartline, with our
Myers: That woman. That local Emmy-award42 winning host,
patented34 pork chops? screwball, Marge Simpson. We've Kent Brockman.
Marge: Sure. Oh, dear, I can't. got to stop her. But how?
I've got three protest rallies KB: Hello, I'm Kent Brockman,
Man #1: Drop an anvil38 on her? and welcome to another edition of
Man #2: Hit her on the head with a "Smartline." Are cartoons too
Homer: D'oh! Twenty million violent for children? Most people
women in the world, and I had to would say, "No, of course not,
marry Jane Fonda.35 Woman: Stuff her full of TNT,
what kind of stupid question is
then throw a match down her
Krusty: Hi, Kids! Guess what, that?'' But one woman says, yes.
throat and run?
Sideshow Mel? It's time for Itchy And she's here with us tonight,
and Scratchy! Myers: All your fancy degrees39 Mrs. Marge Simpson.
and that's the best you can do? You
Audience: Booooo! Lisa: There she is.
make me sick!
Krusty: Hey, hey, hey, settle KB: Also with us for this
down36 boys and girls, or Krusty animated43 discussion, hey-hey-
will have to bring out his old Demonstrators: Less and less hey, are Roger Myers, chairman of
violence in children's programs.
Marge: When do we want it?
Demonstrators: Now! Brutality is cruel and violent
See link. treatment or behaviour. A brutality is
To make up for something that is
Cartoonists: Um. I'm so funny. an instance of cruel and violent
lost, missing, or damaged means to treatment or behaviour.
replace it or compensate for it. The impact that something has on a
who wants to do … 37
See if you can figure out this joke situation, process, or person is a
Marge‟s pork chops are so by yourself. sudden and powerful effect that it has
delicious, they could even be patented. An anvil is a heavy iron block on on them.
Homer is exaggerating, of course. which hot metals are beaten into An award given in recognition of
An American actress, writer, shape. excellence in television. See link.
political activist (anti-Vietnam war), Perhaps they graduated from elite Someone who is animated or who
feminist, and fitness expert. Ivy League colleges such as Harvard, is having an animated conversation is
Calm down. Take it easy. Yale, Princeton, etc. lively and expressive.
the board of Itchy and Scratchy And here's why. In preparing for Dr. Monroe: No, not at all. In
International. this debate, I did a little research fact, one of my guilty little
and I discovered a startling49 thing. pleasures is to snuggle up to55 a big
Roger Myers: Thank you.
There was violence in the past, bucket of buttered popcorn, dim56
KB: Krusty the Klown, whose long before cartoons were the lights, turn on Itchy &
delightful program brings up the invented. Scratchy, and laugh myself silly.57
antics44 of Itchy and Scratchy And what the hell58 is wrong with
Kent: I see. Fascinating.
every afternoon at 4:00. that?
Myers: Yeah, and there was
Krusty: Hey, Kent. Kent: Not a thing. Ah, now for
something called the Crusades, for
KB: And joining us live, via instance. Tremendous violence, another opinion.
satellite from Vienna, the home of many people killed, the darned50
Sigmund Freud, the world's most thing went on for thirty years. Krusty: Hi, kids! [laughs]
famous psychiatrist, to give us an Kent: Ha-ha-ha. Krusty, Krusty,
insight into the human mind, Dr. Kent: And this was before please. Ah, we're giving you an
cartoons were invented?
Marvin Monroe. opportunity to participate in a
Myers: Ya, that's right, Kent. So serious discussion, here.
Dr. Monroe: Hi ya.
much for your viewpoint.
KB: Now. First, let's see what all Krusty: Oh, I'm sorry, Kent. Just
the excitement is about. Here's an KB: Dr. Marvin Monroe in that when the camera gets on me, I
example of the work currently Vienna, would you care to just ... Hey! [throws a custard pie
being turned out at I and S studios. comment on all this? in his own face]
KB: Ha-ha. Hilarious.45 Now what Dr. Monroe: Ah, well, Kent, to
in the world is wrong with that, me, the hijinks of a few comic Krusty: Oh, ah, sorry.
characters absolutely pales in
comparison to52 the crippling53 KB: Well, it looks like we're not
Myers: There's nothing wrong emotional problems a psychiatrist going to settle this tonight. Mrs.
with it. runs into54 every day. I'm, I'm Simpson, in the … nine seconds
Marge: Excuse me, excuse me. referring to women who love too we have left, can you summarize
He was addressing me.46 much, fear of winning, sexaholism, your position for us?
stuff like that.
Myers: I know. There's nothing Marge: Yes, I'd like to ask all the
wrong with it. KB: So you have no professional parents in Springfield who are
objection to Itchy & Scratchy? concerned about this to write in
Marge: Excuse me. There is. I and let the cartoon makers know
think that it's a bad influence on how you feel. Thank you.
informal word, used mainly in Myers: I don't believe this. "I will
Myers: Oh, give me a break.47 I American English. never watch your show, buy any of
think that is a bunch of baloney.48 Something that is startling is so your products, or break59 if I see
different, unexpected, or remarkable
you crossing the street?" Wow!
that people react to it with surprise.
Antics are funny, silly, or unusual 50
Damned is a swear word that some That's cold.
ways of behaving. people use, especially when they are
If something is hilarious, it is angry or frustrated, to emphasize what
extremely funny and makes you laugh they are saying. Use darned instead. If you snuggle somewhere, you
a lot. Clowning around. Acting silly. settle yourself into a warm,
talking to me. If one thing pales in comparison comfortable position, especially by
You can say ‘give me a break’ to with another, it is made to seem much moving closer to another person.
show that you are annoyed by what less important, serious, or good by it. If you dim a light or if it dims, it
someone has said or done; an informal If you say that an action, policy, or becomes less bright.
expression. situation has a crippling effect on laugh very hard
If you say that an idea or statement something, you mean it has a very what on earth
is baloney, you disapprove of it and serious, harmful effect. 59
step on the car breaks so I won‟t hit
think it is foolish or wrong; an meet by chance you
"Dear Sleaze60 Merchant." Aw, your big idea? How do we end Lisa: Itchy and Scratchy seem to
come on. That hurts. this? have lost their edge.67
Gentlemen, the screwballs have Marge: Oh, let's see. Oh. Couldn't Marge: Well, I think it conveys68 a
spoken. Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? very nice message of sharing.
Then they would both have pie!
Marge: Hello? Bart: I think it sucks.69
Myers: It's different, I'll give you Homer: Aaaah! Oh, hey, thank
Myers: Is this Marge Simpson?
that.63 you, Maggie.
Announcer: It's a tool that every
Myers: The Marge Simpson who home handyman needs! It's a Itchy: Mmmmm, this really hits
fixed it so cartoons can't be violent jigsaw!64 It's a power drill! It's a the spot.
anymore? wood-turning lathe!65 It's an Scratchy: Doesn't it, though.
Marge: Yes. asphalt spreader!66 It's 67 tools in Itchy: You make really good
one! How much would you pay for lemonade, Scratchy.
Myers: This is Myers. I'm here a machine that can do all this?
with the writers. Ah, listen. You're Scratchy: Ho-ho-ho. Thank you,
so smart. How do we end this Homer: One thousand dollars! Itchy.
picture? Announcer: Oh, don't answer yet. Krusty: Wasn't that funny boys
Marge: Well, what's the problem Homer: Oh, sorry. and girls? Well, wasn't it?
Announcer: Because you also get Marge: Aren't you going to watch
Myers: O.K., here it is. Itchy just ... the rest of your cute cartoons?
stole Scratchy's ice cream cone,
Homer: Hey, I was watching that. Bart: Naah. Come on, Lis.
Lisa: Maybe there's something else
Animator: Oh, make it a pie. Pies Marge: Well, it's time for Krusty. to do on this planet.
are easier to draw. Bart: You mean we can watch
Scratchy: But the third bowl of
Myers: [to animator] Okay, a pie! cartoons again, Mom? porridge71 was just right.
[to Marge] Anyway, Scratchy is Marge: Yes, dear, all you want.
understandably upset. Krusty: Hi, kids! What? Is it
Lisa and Bart: All right. Saturday?
Marge: Uh-huh. Bart: Turn it up. Marge: So, what did you kids do
Myers: So we figured he could, Krusty: Hey, kids. It's time for today?
you know, just grab61 Itchy and Itchy & Scratchy.
toss62 him into a bucket of acid.
They love! They share! They share
Marge: Oh, dear! and love and share! Love, love, 67
Myers: Then we remembered that love! Share, share, share! The If you say that someone or
something has an edge, you mean that
this might be interpreted as Itchy and Scratchy Show!
they have a powerful quality. So the
violence, which is morally wrong Scratchy: Lemonade? cartoon is no longer interesting.
now, thanks to you. So, what's 68
To convey information or feelings
Itchy: Please. means to cause them to be known or
Scratchy: I made it just for you. understood by someone.
You use sleaze to describe activities If someone says that something
that you consider immoral, dishonest, Itchy: You are my best friend. sucks, they are indicating that they
or not respectable, especially in think it is very bad; an informal use
politics, business, journalism, or which many people find offensive.
entertainment; an informal word. 70
It is perfect. It‟s just what I need.
If you grab something, you take it 63
I‟ll agree with that. It‟s very satisfying.
or pick it up suddenly and roughly. See link. Porridge is a thick sticky food
If you toss something somewhere, A lathe is a machine which is used made from oats cooked in water or
you throw it there lightly, often in a for shaping wood or metal. milk and eaten hot, especially for
rather careless way. See link. breakfast.
Bart: Me and the guys went Helen: Get dressed, Marge. You've Marge: Mm... Yes and no.
fishing. Almost caught a catfish, got to lead our protest against this Dr. Monroe: Hold it, hold it, hold
this big.72 abomination!78 it! How can you be for one form
Marge: Oh. of freedom of expression like, ah,
Marge: Mm, but that's
Lisa: And Janey and I went bird Michelangelo's David. It's a our big naked friend over there,
and, and be against another form
watching. We saw a grackle.73 masterpiece.
like, um, Itchy & Scratchy?
Marge: Oh, that's nice, dear. Helen: It's filth!79 It graphically
KB: Good question.
Bart: Come on, Lis, let's go finish portrays parts of the human body,
which, practical as they may be, Marge: Well, I guess I can't.
our soapbox racers.74
are evil. Which is a shame,83 because I
Lisa: O.K. May we please be really hate those cartoons.
Marge: But I like that statue.
Other Woman: I told you she was Monroe: Oh, yah. Well, what do
soft on80 full frontal nudity!81 you have to say to84 those Marge
Homer: Wow! What great kids. Come on, girls. Simpson wantabes out there who
This is a golden age, Marge. And wish to suppress David's doodle?85
the parents of Springfield owe it all Artist: What is all this about? Marge: I don‟t know. I guess one
What do you people want?
to you. person can make a difference, but
Helen: We want you to get your most of the time, they probably
Marge: I didn't really expect
big Italian butt82 out of here. shouldn't.
things to change this much.
Homer: Well, I always knew you'd Announcer: Smartline, with our KB: Well, ah, I guess that settles 86
change the world … for the better. local Emmy-award winning host, that. I'd like to alert our affiliates
Kent Brockman. that we will be ending our show
Artist: This will be the art event of early tonight. Join us tomorrow,
the century. The greatest KB: Is it a masterpiece, or just when our topic will be, "Religion:
masterpiece of Italian Renaissance, some guy with his pants down? Which is the one true faith?''
Michelangelo's David, on a coast- That's our topic tonight on
Smartline. Now, Mrs. Simpson, Homer: Well, there he is …
to-coast75 tour of United States.
why are you against this statue? Michelangelo's "Dave."
Reporter: Uh, sir, which cities
will be included on your Marge: I'm not. I think everyone Marge: David.
in Springfield should see it.
itinerary?76 Homer: Oh. What's wrong,
KB: Wa, Wait a minute? Aren't Marge?
Artist: Eh, New York, eh,
Springfield, and if we have time, you Marge Simpson, the wacko? Marge: Oh, Homey. Here the kids
Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles. have a chance to see a great work
Reporter: Oh. of art, and instead they're home
world and who in the world to watching a cat and mouse
Homer: Marge, get the door? emphasize a question, especially when disembowel87 each other.
expressing surprise, anger, or despair.
Marge: What in the world? If you say that something is an
abomination, you think that it is
completely unacceptable; a formal How tragic!
this large; as big as this word. I want to be like Marge.
73 79 85
See link. People refer to words or pictures, penis
See link. usually ones relating to sex, as filth An affiliate is an organization
from the Atlantic Ocean to the when they think they are very which is officially connected with
Pacific Ocean disgusting and rude. another, larger organization or is a
An itinerary is a plan of a journey, easy on; lenient; tolerant member of it; a formal use.
including the route and the places that The statue David, for example. To disembowel a person or animal
you will visit. 82
In American English, someone‟s means to remove their internal organs,
You can use in the world in butt is their bottom; an informal use especially their stomach, intestines,
expressions such as what in the which some people find offensive. and bowels.
Homer: Hey, don't worry, Marge. Springfield Elementary School is Homer: They're forcing 'em! Hey-
Pretty soon, every boy and girl in going to come and see this thing. hey-hey-hey-hey.
Marge: Really? Why? Marge: Oh, well, isn't that nice.