Itchy and Scratchy and Marge

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					         The Simpsons            ingredient is care.8 A sprinkle9 of Homer: I knew all this stuff would
                                 chervil,10 half a teaspoon of come in handy18 someday. Let's
                                 turmeric,11 and a whisper12 of see, now. Ah, here it is. The
                                 MSG.13                                 Complete Handyman's Bookshelf.
                                 Homer: Marge, I'm going to build “Volume 1: Spice Racks.” Pick up
                                                                        a hammer. O.K. I got … I'm not
                                 you a spice rack.14
                                                                        the idiot I thought I was. Ooh!
                                 Marge: Oh, you don't have to go Wow! Aaaaaah!
                                 to all that trouble just for me.
                                                                        Bart: Hey, Dad, can you move
                                 Homer: It's no trouble! I got a your head?
                                 whole garage of tools I never use!
                                                                        Homer: No, I can't. It's broken.
                                 Krusty the Klown: Hey, kids, I
                                 spy15 Itchy and Scratchy off the Marge: Umm. Where would an
                                                                        innocent child get the idea to attack
                                 port bow.16
                                                                        her father with a mallet?19
                                 Bart: Hey, down in front.
                                                                        Homer: Aaaaaaaaagh!
                                 Homer: Shut up, boy.
                                                                        Marge: No, Maggie, bad baby!
                                 Itchy & Scratchy Show: They fight
  Itchy and Scratchy and Marge   and bite, fight and bite and fight. Homer: Keep her away from me,
                                 Fight fight fight, bite bite bite. The Marge! She's got that crazy look in
                                                                        her eyes again!
Marge: A dash1 of rosemary,2 a Itchy & Scratchy Show.
smidgen3 of thyme,4 a pinch5 of                                         Marge: So television's responsible.
marjoram ...                                                            Lisa: Hey, we were watching that.
Homer: You know, Marge, you 8
                                   If you do something with care, you Bart: Mom, what are you doing?
make the best pork chops in the do it in a detailed or attentive way
whole world.                                                            Marge: Well, you won't be
                                 because you do not want to make any watching these cartoons anymore.
Marge: Oh, now7 Homer, they're mistakes or cause any damage.
                                 9                                      Ever!
nothing    special.   The  extra     If you sprinkle a thing with
                                 something such as a liquid or powder, Lisa: But Mom, if you take our
                                 you scatter the liquid or powder over cartoons away, we'll grow up
                                 it.                                    without a sense of humor and be
  A dash of something is a small 10 Chervil is a herb that tastes of robots.
quantity of it which you add when you     aniseed.
are preparing food or mixing a drink.     11
                                             Turmeric is a yellow spice that is     Bart: Really?      What    kind   of
  Rosemary is a herb used in cooking.     used to flavour hot food such as curry.   robots?
It comes from an evergreen plant with        A whisper is a small amount.
                                          13                                        Nelson: I heard about the cartoons.
small spiky leaves. The plant is also        MSG: Monosodium glutamate. A
called rosemary.                          seasoning that is very bad for your       Tough break,20 man!
   A smidgen is a small amount of         health.                                   Bart: Thanks, Nelson.
something; an informal word.                 A spice rack is a shelf where you
   Thyme is a type of herb used in        can store spice bottles and the like.     Milhouse: Hey, what if you watch
cooking.                                  15
                                             If you spy someone or something,       Itchy and Scratchy over at my
  A pinch of an ingredient such as salt   you notice them; a literary use.          house?
is the amount of it that you can hold        The port side of a ship is the left
                                                                                    Bart: Hey, that's just crazy enough
between your thumb and your first         side when you are on it and facing
finger.                                   towards the front. The front part of a    to work.
  Marjoram is a kind of herb.             ship is called the bow or the bows.
   In spoken English, you say ‘Now’       The plural bows can be used to refer      18
                                                                                       If something comes in handy, it is
or ‘Now then’ to indicate to the          either to one or to more than one of      useful in a particular situation.
person or people you are with that you    these parts.                                 A mallet is a wooden hammer with
want their attention, or that you are     17
                                             Sit down. I can‟t see because you      a square head.
about to change the subject.              are blocking my view.                     20
                                                                                       That‟s too bad! How unfortunate!
                                        Homer: Hey-hey-hey, ya, but Homer: Everybody's looking at us,
Homer: You heard me, I won't be
                                        yeah, what are ya gonna to do? Marge.
in for the rest of the week. I told
you! My baby beat me up! Oh, it is      Marge: I'll tell you what I'm going Marge: Well, that's what we want
not the worst excuse I ever thought     to do. I'm going to write a letter. them to do, Homer.
up. Wise guy.21                    Dear purveyors25 of senseless Homer: Oh. Well, how long are
Marge: I wonder why Bart and violence:                                   we going to have to be doing this?
Lisa are so late getting home from I know this may sound silly at first, Marge: Well, I've never changed
school.                            but I believe that the cartoons you the world before, so I don't know
Bart and Lisa: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.      show to our children are                    how long it takes, exactly. But if
                                                                                enough people take an interest …
Homer: Hey, how come you can influencing their behavior in a
                                    negative way. Please try to tone
watch cartoons, but the kids can't.                                             Helen: Hello, Marge. Oh, what is
                                    down26 the psychotic27 violence in          S.N.U.H.?
Marge: Because.                     your otherwise fine programming.
                                                                                Marge: Snuh.
                                        Yours truly, Marge Simpson.
Homer: „Cause why?
                                                                                Person: Oh.
                                        Myers: Take a letter, Miss White.
Marge: Because I said so.                                                       Marge:        It     stands     for
                                        Dear valued viewer,                     Springfieldians for Nonviolence,
Homer: Cause you said so, why?    Thank you for taking an interest in           Understanding, and Helping. I've
Marge: Homer, I'm trying to work. the Itchy and Scratchy program.               started a crusade against cartoon
                                                                                violence. I can protect my own
Homer: Oh. What are you doing?          Enclosed      is   a     personally
                                                                                children, but there are many others
                                        autographed photo of America's
Marge: I'm cataloging22 the                                                     whose minds are being warped
                                        favorite cat and mouse team to add
violence in these cartoons. I don't                                             every afternoon at 4:00.
                                        to your collection. In regards to
think adults have ever actually sat
                                        your specific comments about the        Helen: Oh.
down and watched them before.
                                        show, our research indicates that
What kind of warped23 human                                                     Bart: That reminds me. I got to
                                        one person cannot make a
being would find that funny?                                                    get over to Milhouses' and … play
                                        difference, no matter how big a         sports.
Homer: Ha-ha-ha-ha.                     screwball28 she is, so let me close
                                        by saying...                            Marge: All right.
Marge: Mmm... This is the kind of
entertainment they think is suitable Marge: [reading the letter] "… and         Lisa: And I'm going over to Janie's
for      younger     and       more the horse I rode in on?" I'll show          again. We're going to be, um,
impressionable viewers?              them29 what one screwball can do!          making the most of our childhood
                                                                                Marge: Have fun.
                                           A purveyor of goods or services is
   If you say that someone is a wise    a person or company that provides       Lisa and Bart: We will.
guy, you dislike the fact that they     them.                                   Marge: [through a megaphone]
think they are very clever and always      If you tone down something that      And what happens when a child
have an answer for everything; an       you have written or said, you make it   grows up with insanely violent roll
informal expression, used showing       less forceful, severe, or offensive.
                                        27                                      models like these? The answer is
disapproval.                               Someone who is psychotic has a
   To catalogue things means to make    type of severe mental illness; a
                                                                                all around you. How many of you
a list of them.                         medical term.                           were hit on the head with mallets
     If something warps someone‟s       28
                                            Screwball comedy is silly and       last week?
character, it damages them or it        eccentric in an amusing and harmless
influences them in a bad way.           way; an informal word.                  Homer: Um, I didn't know they
    Someone who is impressionable,      29
                                           You can say ‘I’ll show you’ (or      still made TV dinners30 this bad.
usually a young person, is not very     them) to threaten or warn someone
critical and is therefore easy to       that you are going to make them admit
influence.                              that they are wrong.                         See link.
Bart: After dinner can I watch friend,              Corporal     Punishment,37 Homer: Hey-hey-hey. You know,
cartoons?                      again.                                          some of these stories are pretty
                                                                               good. I never knew mice lived such
Marge: NO!                                Audience: Booooo.
                                                                               interesting lives.
Homer: There's peas in my fruit           Krusty: Please, stop it. What,
                                                                               Marge: So much needless
cobbler!31                                what, who are you people?
                                                                               brutality.40 I don't know if I'm
Lisa: There's peas everywhere!            Marge: What do we want?              having any impact41 at all.
Bart: Oo, I guess I'll just go and        Crowd: Less and less violence in
watch some cartoons.                      children's programming!              Cartoon: Don't do that. Don't do
                                                                               that. Hey, don't do that.
Marge: NO! I'm sorry about the            Marge: When do we want it?
dinners. I make up for it32                                                    Homer: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.        Take
                                          Crowd: Now!                          that, you dumb squirrel. Hey-hey-
tomorrow night.
                                          Krusty: No. You're ruining the hey-hey. Where do they get their
Bart: Hey, who's up for33 some            show. Stop! Please stop. Oh, oh, ideas?
cartoons?                                 please. Be quiet, please.            Marge: What is it?           What?
Marge: No one!                                                                 Smartline? Yes, I've heard of your
                                          Marge: What do we want?
Bart: All right.                                                               late night panel discussion show.
                                          Krusty: I'm trying to earn a living Well, I've love to.
Homer: Hey, tomorrow night how            here, all right? Stop!
about making some of your                                                      Announcer: Smartline, with our
                                          Myers: That woman.              That local Emmy-award42 winning host,
patented34 pork chops?                    screwball, Marge Simpson. We've Kent Brockman.
Marge: Sure. Oh, dear, I can't.           got to stop her. But how?
I've got three protest rallies                                                 KB: Hello, I'm Kent Brockman,
                                          Man #1: Drop an anvil38 on her?      and welcome to another edition of
                                          Man #2: Hit her on the head with a "Smartline."        Are cartoons too
Homer: D'oh! Twenty million                                                    violent for children? Most people
women in the world, and I had to                                               would say, "No, of course not,
marry Jane Fonda.35                       Woman: Stuff her full of TNT,
                                                                               what kind of stupid question is
                                          then throw a match down her
Krusty: Hi, Kids! Guess what,                                                  that?'' But one woman says, yes.
                                          throat and run?
Sideshow Mel? It's time for Itchy                                              And she's here with us tonight,
and Scratchy!                             Myers: All your fancy degrees39 Mrs. Marge Simpson.
                                          and that's the best you can do? You
Audience: Booooo!                                                              Lisa: There she is.
                                          make me sick!
Krusty: Hey, hey, hey, settle                                                  KB: Also with us for this
                                          All: Ah-uh.
down36 boys and girls, or Krusty                                               animated43 discussion, hey-hey-
will have to bring out his old            Demonstrators: Less and less hey, are Roger Myers, chairman of
                                          violence in children's programs.
                                          Marge: When do we want it?
                                          Demonstrators: Now!                          Brutality is cruel and violent
   See link.                                                                       treatment or behaviour. A brutality is
   To make up for something that is
                                          Cartoonists: Um. I'm so funny.           an instance of cruel and violent
lost, missing, or damaged means to                                                 treatment or behaviour.
replace it or compensate for it.                                                      The impact that something has on a
   who wants to do …                      37
                                             See if you can figure out this joke   situation, process, or person is a
     Marge‟s pork chops are so            by yourself.                             sudden and powerful effect that it has
delicious, they could even be patented.      An anvil is a heavy iron block on     on them.
Homer is exaggerating, of course.         which hot metals are beaten into            An award given in recognition of
     An American actress, writer,         shape.                                   excellence in television. See link.
                                          39                                       43
political activist (anti-Vietnam war),       Perhaps they graduated from elite        Someone who is animated or who
feminist, and fitness expert.             Ivy League colleges such as Harvard,     is having an animated conversation is
   Calm down. Take it easy.               Yale, Princeton, etc.                    lively and expressive.
the board of Itchy and Scratchy And here's why. In preparing for                     Dr. Monroe: No, not at all. In
International.                       this debate, I did a little research            fact, one of my guilty little
                                     and I discovered a startling49 thing.           pleasures is to snuggle up to55 a big
Roger Myers: Thank you.
                                     There was violence in the past,                 bucket of buttered popcorn, dim56
KB: Krusty the Klown, whose long              before     cartoons    were            the lights, turn on Itchy &
delightful program brings up the invented.                                           Scratchy, and laugh myself silly.57
antics44 of Itchy and Scratchy                                                       And what the hell58 is wrong with
                                     Kent: I see. Fascinating.
every afternoon at 4:00.                                                             that?
                                     Myers: Yeah, and there was
Krusty: Hey, Kent.                                                                   Kent: Not a thing. Ah, now for
                                     something called the Crusades, for
KB: And joining us live, via instance. Tremendous violence,                          another opinion.
satellite from Vienna, the home of many people killed, the darned50
Sigmund Freud, the world's most thing went on for thirty years.                      Krusty: Hi, kids! [laughs]
famous psychiatrist, to give us an                                                   Kent: Ha-ha-ha. Krusty, Krusty,
insight into the human mind, Dr. Kent: And this was before                           please. Ah, we're giving you an
                                     cartoons were invented?
Marvin Monroe.                                                                       opportunity to participate in a
                                     Myers: Ya, that's right, Kent. So               serious discussion, here.
Dr. Monroe: Hi ya.
                                     much for your viewpoint.
KB: Now. First, let's see what all                                                   Krusty: Oh, I'm sorry, Kent. Just
the excitement is about. Here's an KB: Dr. Marvin Monroe in                          that when the camera gets on me, I
example of the work currently Vienna, would you care to                              just ... Hey! [throws a custard pie
being turned out at I and S studios. comment on all this?                            in his own face]

KB: Ha-ha. Hilarious.45 Now what Dr. Monroe: Ah, well, Kent, to
                                                                                     Kent: Krusty!
in the world is wrong with that, me, the hijinks of a few comic                      Krusty: Oh, ah, sorry.
                                     characters absolutely pales in
Mrs. Simpson?
                                     comparison to52 the crippling53                 KB: Well, it looks like we're not
Myers: There's nothing wrong emotional problems a psychiatrist                       going to settle this tonight. Mrs.
with it.                             runs into54 every day. I'm, I'm                 Simpson, in the … nine seconds
Marge: Excuse me, excuse me. referring to women who love too                         we have left, can you summarize
He was addressing me.46              much, fear of winning, sexaholism,              your position for us?
                                     stuff like that.
Myers: I know. There's nothing                                                       Marge: Yes, I'd like to ask all the
wrong with it.                       KB: So you have no professional                 parents in Springfield who are
                                     objection to Itchy & Scratchy?                  concerned about this to write in
Marge: Excuse me. There is. I                                                        and let the cartoon makers know
think that it's a bad influence on                                                   how you feel. Thank you.
                                       informal word, used mainly in Myers: I don't believe this. "I will
Myers: Oh, give me a break.47 I American English.                             never watch your show, buy any of
think that is a bunch of baloney.48       Something that is startling is so your products, or break59 if I see
                                       different, unexpected, or remarkable
                                                                              you crossing the street?" Wow!
                                       that people react to it with surprise.
   Antics are funny, silly, or unusual 50
                                          Damned is a swear word that some That's cold.
ways of behaving.                         people use, especially when they are
    If something is hilarious, it is      angry or frustrated, to emphasize what
extremely funny and makes you laugh       they are saying. Use darned instead.            If you snuggle somewhere, you
a lot.                                       Clowning around. Acting silly.          settle yourself into a warm,
46                                        52
   talking to me.                             If one thing pales in comparison       comfortable position, especially by
   You can say ‘give me a break’ to       with another, it is made to seem much      moving closer to another person.
show that you are annoyed by what         less important, serious, or good by it.        If you dim a light or if it dims, it
someone has said or done; an informal        If you say that an action, policy, or   becomes less bright.
expression.                               situation has a crippling effect on           laugh very hard
48                                                                                   58
   If you say that an idea or statement   something, you mean it has a very             what on earth
is baloney, you disapprove of it and      serious, harmful effect.                   59
                                                                                        step on the car breaks so I won‟t hit
think it is foolish or wrong; an             meet by chance                          you
"Dear Sleaze60 Merchant."        Aw, your big idea? How do we end Lisa: Itchy and Scratchy seem to
come on. That hurts.                 this?                        have lost their edge.67
Gentlemen, the screwballs have Marge: Oh, let's see. Oh. Couldn't Marge: Well, I think it conveys68 a
spoken.                               Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? very nice message of sharing.
                                      Then they would both have pie!
Marge: Hello?                                                              Bart: I think it sucks.69
                                      Myers: It's different, I'll give you Homer: Aaaah! Oh, hey, thank
Myers: Is this Marge Simpson?
                                      that.63                              you, Maggie.
Marge: Yes.
                                      Announcer: It's a tool that every
Myers: The Marge Simpson who home handyman needs! It's a Itchy: Mmmmm, this really hits
fixed it so cartoons can't be violent jigsaw!64 It's a power drill! It's a the spot.
anymore?                              wood-turning lathe!65        It's an Scratchy: Doesn't it, though.
Marge: Yes.                           asphalt spreader!66 It's 67 tools in Itchy: You make really good
                                      one! How much would you pay for lemonade, Scratchy.
Myers: This is Myers. I'm here a machine that can do all this?
with the writers. Ah, listen. You're                                       Scratchy: Ho-ho-ho. Thank you,
so smart. How do we end this Homer: One thousand dollars!                  Itchy.
picture?                              Announcer: Oh, don't answer yet. Krusty: Wasn't that funny boys
Marge: Well, what's the problem Homer: Oh, sorry.                          and girls? Well, wasn't it?
you're having?
                                      Announcer: Because you also get Marge: Aren't you going to watch
Myers: O.K., here it is. Itchy just ...                                    the rest of your cute cartoons?
stole Scratchy's ice cream cone,
                                      Homer: Hey, I was watching that. Bart: Naah. Come on, Lis.
and ...
                                                                           Lisa: Maybe there's something else
Animator: Oh, make it a pie. Pies Marge: Well, it's time for Krusty. to do on this planet.
are easier to draw.                   Bart: You mean we can watch
                                                                           Scratchy: But the third bowl of
Myers: [to animator] Okay, a pie! cartoons again, Mom?                     porridge71 was just right.
[to Marge] Anyway, Scratchy is Marge: Yes, dear, all you want.
understandably upset.                                                      Krusty: Hi, kids! What? Is it
                                      Lisa and Bart: All right.            Saturday?
Marge: Uh-huh.                        Bart: Turn it up.                    Marge: So, what did you kids do
Myers: So we figured he could, Krusty: Hey, kids. It's time for today?
you know, just grab61 Itchy and Itchy & Scratchy.
toss62 him into a bucket of acid.
                                      They love! They share! They share
Marge: Oh, dear!                      and love and share! Love, love, 67
Myers: Then we remembered that love! Share, share, share! The                  If you say that someone or
                                                                           something has an edge, you mean that
this might be interpreted as Itchy and Scratchy Show!
                                                                           they have a powerful quality. So the
violence, which is morally wrong Scratchy: Lemonade?                       cartoon is no longer interesting.
now, thanks to you. So, what's                                             68
                                                                              To convey information or feelings
                                      Itchy: Please.                       means to cause them to be known or
                                         Scratchy: I made it just for you.     understood by someone.
60                                                                             69
   You use sleaze to describe activities                                           If someone says that something
that you consider immoral, dishonest,    Itchy: You are my best friend.        sucks, they are indicating that they
or not respectable, especially in                                              think it is very bad; an informal use
politics, business, journalism, or                                             which many people find offensive.
entertainment; an informal word.                                               70
                                                                                  It is perfect. It‟s just what I need.
   If you grab something, you take it    63
                                            I‟ll agree with that.              It‟s very satisfying.
                                         64                                    71
or pick it up suddenly and roughly.         See link.                              Porridge is a thick sticky food
62                                       65
   If you toss something somewhere,         A lathe is a machine which is used made from oats cooked in water or
you throw it there lightly, often in a for shaping wood or metal.              milk and eaten hot, especially for
rather careless way.                        See link.                          breakfast.
Bart: Me and the guys went Helen: Get dressed, Marge. You've                        Marge: Mm... Yes and no.
fishing. Almost caught a catfish, got to lead our protest against this      Dr. Monroe: Hold it, hold it, hold
this big.72                       abomination!78                            it! How can you be for one form
Marge: Oh.                                                                  of freedom of expression like, ah,
                                  Marge:       Mm,      but     that's
Lisa: And Janey and I went bird Michelangelo's David. It's a our big naked friend over there,
                                                                            and, and be against another form
watching. We saw a grackle.73         masterpiece.
                                                                            like, um, Itchy & Scratchy?
Marge: Oh, that's nice, dear.         Helen: It's filth!79 It graphically
                                                                            KB: Good question.
Bart: Come on, Lis, let's go finish portrays parts of the human body,
                                      which, practical as they may be, Marge: Well, I guess I can't.
our soapbox racers.74
                                      are evil.                             Which is a shame,83 because I
Lisa: O.K. May we please be                                                 really hate those cartoons.
                                      Marge: But I like that statue.
                                      Other Woman: I told you she was Monroe: Oh, yah. Well, what do
Marge: Sure.
                                      soft on80 full frontal nudity!81 you have to say to84 those Marge
Homer: Wow! What great kids. Come on, girls.                                Simpson wantabes out there who
This is a golden age, Marge. And                                            wish to suppress David's doodle?85
the parents of Springfield owe it all Artist: What is all this about? Marge: I don‟t know. I guess one
                                      What do you people want?
to you.                                                                     person can make a difference, but
                                      Helen: We want you to get your most of the time, they probably
Marge: I didn't really expect
                                      big Italian butt82 out of here.       shouldn't.
things to change this much.
Homer: Well, I always knew you'd Announcer: Smartline, with our KB: Well, ah, I guess that settles           86
change the world … for the better. local Emmy-award winning host, that. I'd like to alert our affiliates
                                      Kent Brockman.                        that we will be ending our show
Artist: This will be the art event of                                       early tonight. Join us tomorrow,
the     century.    The      greatest KB: Is it a masterpiece, or just when our topic will be, "Religion:
masterpiece of Italian Renaissance, some guy with his pants down? Which is the one true faith?''
Michelangelo's David, on a coast- That's our topic tonight on
                                      Smartline. Now, Mrs. Simpson, Homer: Well, there he is …
to-coast75 tour of United States.
                                      why are you against this statue?      Michelangelo's "Dave."
Reporter: Uh, sir, which cities
will be included on your Marge: I'm not. I think everyone Marge: David.
                                      in Springfield should see it.
itinerary?76                                                                Homer: Oh. What's wrong,
                                      KB: Wa, Wait a minute? Aren't Marge?
Artist: Eh, New York, eh,
Springfield, and if we have time, you Marge Simpson, the wacko?             Marge: Oh, Homey. Here the kids
Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles.                                               have a chance to see a great work
Reporter: Oh.                                                               of art, and instead they're home
                                      world and who in the world to watching a cat and mouse
Homer: Marge, get the door?           emphasize a question, especially when disembowel87 each other.
                                          expressing surprise, anger, or despair.
                              77          78
Marge: What in the world?                     If you say that something is an
                                          abomination, you think that it is
                                          completely unacceptable; a formal            How tragic!
72                                                                                  84
   this large; as big as this             word.                                        I want to be like Marge.
73                                        79                                        85
   See link.                                 People refer to words or pictures,        penis
74                                                                                  86
   See link.                              usually ones relating to sex, as filth         An affiliate is an organization
    from the Atlantic Ocean to the        when they think they are very             which is officially connected with
Pacific Ocean                             disgusting and rude.                      another, larger organization or is a
76                                        80
   An itinerary is a plan of a journey,      easy on; lenient; tolerant             member of it; a formal use.
                                          81                                        87
including the route and the places that      The statue David, for example.            To disembowel a person or animal
you will visit.                           82
                                              In American English, someone‟s        means to remove their internal organs,
    You can use in the world in           butt is their bottom; an informal use     especially their stomach, intestines,
expressions such as what in the           which some people find offensive.         and bowels.
Homer: Hey, don't worry, Marge. Springfield Elementary School is Homer: They're forcing 'em! Hey-
Pretty soon, every boy and girl in going to come and see this thing. hey-hey-hey-hey.
                                Marge: Really? Why?              Marge: Oh, well, isn't that nice.


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