Soccer Coaching - Sport Psychology
"Dan, Dan The Mental Man"
By Dan Freigang Ph.D.
Do you remember what its like go to work in an environment of conflict? People
scowl at each other and disrespect co-workers. People in conflict invest all their
energies to take advantage at other people's expense. When you sit at a meeting
with these people, you can see their anger and feel their frustration. They show
disrespect to a co-worker's idea even if the idea is sound. Meetings are difficult and
the participants themselves bring it all on. Solutions that are generated from these
groups are usually one sided and rarely benefit the group. People spend a large
amount of time gossiping, politicking, and jockeying for power. When team members
don't trust each other and spend time promoting personal agendas it's difficult to
accomplish the task at hand. These situations are difficult but they don't have to be
destructive. This month we will explore the nature of conflict and provide some
guidelines to help you discover some surprising insights into the group dynamic
process.
The Truth about Conflict
The idea of conflict generates images of dread and ugly arguments. This is a
common perception of conflict but it's really not accurate. Most people have learned
to avoid conflict because they think it is unpleasant and destructive. The reality is
that conflict is an opportunity for growth and allows for an exchange of new ideas. If
conflict is handled correctly, alternate viewpoints are actively considered from all
sources producing innovative solutions. In a world where we value diversity and
promote globalization, the ability to respectfully listen and consciously consider
alternate viewpoints is a profound skill. Group skills apply to the team situations and
business culture with striking similarities and I will speak to both as potential high
performance groups.
The Double Win
I speak frequently about the double win and that's a situation in which all parties
benefit from decisions. This is the best solution to group work but it requires that all
team members follow the mission, know their strengths and encourage the group
dynamic. If a solution benefits one person at the expense of another it's a win- loss
situation. The loser is now angry and focuses energies to get back at the winner
another day. This sows the seeds of destruction and must be avoided. When all
members of a team contribute energies toward a solution, communication is better,
identity is promoted and effective performance is achieved. This is a double win
scenario.
The Seeds of Conflict
When working with other people we need to recognize our personal biases and needs
before we can widen our personal skills to be effective. You see, we learn our biases
and reinforce them with selective information as we gain experiences. We tend to
stick with these biases even when presented with information that indicates we
should change. Now if you don't like the person presenting the information you will
find ways to protect yourself and your biases can become destructive. Remember
why we are in the game. Team members must play inside the system and trust
abilities of their teammates in order to be effective. Similarly, board members must
trust their teammates to collaborate and achieve the double win. I've just spoken
about how to encourage board members to be more like "teammates". However, we
must be careful here because there is a definite difference in the way a sporting
team must compete and an administrative team must collaborate. In athletics, the
nature of the game has insisted we compete against ourselves to improve, with our
teammates for playing time with other teams for results. We are taught that there
will be a winner and a loser for every game. This mind set is a formidable concept
ingrained deeply in the competitive ethos of players. We must remember that
working on boards is not a competitive endeavor. It is a collaborative endeavor. A
high performance board learns to co-operate and gain strength from all of its
members regardless of power of influence. Collaborative efforts are based in an
environment of open, safe communication. Just as players must learn to trust each
other abilities, board members need to learn how to collaborate. When you look at
the soccer world, we interact with various nations, players, administrators, coaches
and corporations all playing various roles in the game. With these influences comes a
myriad of status, power and influence. Conflict inevitably arises in this environment
but that's OK. We just need to identify how people can more skillfully integrate new
ideas regardless of status, power or influence. If you have ever listened to people
describe an auto accident, you will hear dramatically different stories. "That guy was
going 100 miles an hour, ran a red light and smashed into my car. What a moron!"
On the other side you may hear, "I was driving the speed limit and this (emphatic
gestures) jerk pulls out in front of me without signaling!" We all interpret the world
from our own perspective and this can be problematic in a collaborative setting.
Sources of Conflict
Now the sources of conflict may be obvious. That guy is really difficult to get along
with; he's loud and doesn't care about anyone else. Yes, personality clashes may fuel
personal conflict. We all have to realize that in order for people to function and be
happy their needs must be met. If we don't know what people want or need we'll
misread their ideas and replace our own perceptions in their place. This is how we
begin to sow the seeds of interpersonal conflict. The solution is to identify why you
are involved and how you can support the group. An awareness of how people
operate is also critical to success. Now you don't need to completely buy into another
person's perspective but you do need to know the "how's and why's" of their
behaviors. Once you understand where they are coming from, you can get past the
superficial characteristics to see potential contributions they make to the effort.
Sources of conflict can be fueled by competition within the team for material
resources such as, time, money, power or status. If there is no mission or goals set
initially by the group, people will create destructive cliques to acquire these scarce
resources. When the rules for conduct and behavior are not clear people feel
overlooked and insulted. With a lack of mission, people will subscribe to their own
philosophy, such as "the squeaky wheel gets the grease", and they will behave to
fulfill these ideals. Another teammate will believe that "quiet contributions are key to
team success". You can predict that in the first opportunity these differing
perceptions will come into conflict and the process of destruction is fueled. Unclear
roles on a team will also contribute to conflict. If every player thinks, they are
brilliant goal scorers the team will be very poor. Similarly, if every board member
thinks their responsibility is player selection then group needs will go unmet.
Communication is the Key Skill
At the core of conflict lies a communication difficulty. People in conflict are not
listening and usually don't have channels to communicate safely or effectively. They
may have been embarrassed or humiliated in public and vowed to get that person
back. I recommend that during team building and board retreats, members explore
and identify personal communication styles. The results can be dramatic and help to
create optimal team environments.
Styles of Conflict Resolution
When you strike a ball you do so with your dominant foot. When you write, you use
your dominant hand. Did you know you have a dominant style to deal with conflict?
In situations that are pressure packed you will revert to your dominant style very
quickly. Therefore, we need to explore our personal conflict resolution styles and how
they affect the double win. Here are some of the differing styles people utilize to
mediate conflict. During our team building sessions we try to identify both
communication and conflict resolution style. It's an enlightening process that can
dramatically affect the group dynamic process.
The Predator - The predator can intimidate and kill all prey. Whatever the issue
they will find a way to run down opponents and win. This may be the worst style
because predators alienate people, promote distrust and rarely integrate solutions
for the double win.
The Ostrich - When an ostrich is afraid they stick their head in the sand and hope
danger will pass. In group work, people don't go away by sticking their heads in the
sand, instead they form destructive cliques, speak behind closed doors, form petty
alliances and work against the mission of the group.
The Haggler - This style seeks for a middle road and all parties to give up
something. This is really the lose-lose situation and may least impact on the task at
hand. The haggler may be quick to gain a solution but inevitably both parties feel
they have given in to a mediocre solution.
The Paramedic - This is a person who comes in and puts a band-aid quick fix on a
serious problem and doesn't really address the serious causes or long-term effects of
a situation. Yes, people are not yelling at each other but they are not pursing
innovation in a safe environment. Avoiding the real conflicts send personal agendas
behind closed doors quickly. This is not the double win.
The King - When you use your authority to come in and fix a problem you can
squash people's ability to talk but you inflame their emotions and build resentment.
Parents use this style when they say, " You will do what I say because I'm your
mother". Yes, you can temporarily stop conflict but innovation and motivation are
also squashed. The conflict arises again in a different form and you have set up a
pattern of revolt.
The Role or Clear Leadership?
We are learning that conflict is a normal process and can be a potential source of
innovative solutions. One of the key components to team function is clear leadership.
Leadership can influence expectations of behavior and norms for the group. The
coach or president needs to clearly define standards that allow for the groups' safety
and risk-taking in a collaborative atmosphere. These standards will determine how
much members trust each other, communicate ideas and ultimately perform.
Leaders can shape groups by guiding past the last major event the group has
encountered or using the change that new group members bring. The influence of
clear mission statements can help to focus group energies. From mission statements
priorities are established and energies can be directed constructively. Group leaders
can create safe communication and guide discussions to stay on track with the
mission.
Resolution Skills that Work
High performing teams are great to be around. People communicate openly, they are
cohesive and performances are fantastic. The keys for creating these teams are not
complicated.
Always seek solutions that support the double win.
Direct all behaviors and energies toward the mission.
Direct personal skills to contribute uniquely to the group.
Promote active listening skills and open communication.
Separate personal perceptions and bias from the real issues.
Learn your communication style and conflict resolution style.
The last suggestion is to always enjoy the process of group work. You will not solve
all the worlds' problems with one decision, so small baby steps are reasonable
victories. We are all involved in the process of making the soccer world more
productive and healthy for all participants. Collaboration should be energizing an
honorable experience where we all taste the double win.
Play On.
Dan Freigang Ph.D., is a sport scientist working with the U.S. National Team in Sport
Psychology. Dano travels the country doing clinics and workshops with players,
parents and coaches. Dano was an international athlete and national team coach
who presents his workshops as a unique blend of scientist and coach. He is currently
in private practice and invites your comments and inquiries. Caldan@earthlink.net
(801) 392-4762
Now its game time. Lets see what you have learned by taking this true or false quiz.
1. Conflict is a normal, healthy process.
True False
2. The best solution is the winner-loser scenario.
True False
3. Conflict is based on personal perception and biases.
True False
4. Talk is cheap, its action that will solve problems.
True False
5. We learn and reinforce our conflict style over time.
True False
Answers 1=True 2=False 3=True 4=False 5=True