Club Newsletter Sorrento Bowling Club by pengxiang


									                            Club Newsletter
                                 to be the best
                                bowling club in

                                       Number 43
                                       October 2011

Clair Hanlon, Coral Smith, Nelly Heard, Jean Baker and Helen
 Ironside modelling the latest in fashion at our Fashion Show


    From the President                          4
    Dash for Cash                               8
    Ladies Match Committee Report               9
    Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club Tournament   9
    Ladies New Shirt Committee                  11
    Fashion Show                                11
    Men’s Pennants                              12
    Ladies’ Pennants                            12
    Ladies’ Delegate Report                     13
    Croquet Report                              13
    Darts Report                                16
    Opening Day Sunday 18 September 2011        18
    Some of our members enjoying Opening Day    19
    Umpire’s Corner                             20
    Editorial                                   21
    Did you know?                               23
    Sports Chaplaincy and Welfare               24
    Some interesting comments from the Green    25
    Marketing and Functions                     25
    Sponsorship Report                          27
    The Knighthood Competition                  28
    Elizabeth and Bob go for counselling        29
    An Obituary printed in the London Times     30
    The $12.99 Special                          31
    Coaches Corner – “More Grass”               31
    Our Tribute to the Stars Evening            32
    Club members at “A night with the Stars”    33
    Pilbara Day                                 35
    Just a Reminder                             36
    Some club members in action                 37
    Dorothy Dix answers your questions          40
    Why do Golfers take to the Game of Bowls?   42

                             From the President

W      hat a great day on Sunday 18th September – our Open
       Day. When I awoke on Sunday morning and looked out
at the gloomy weather, I wondered what would happen. Bowls
seemed highly unlikely and we had important dignitaries
turning up. The catering was committed and costs were set.
What a wonderful response from the members of the Sorrento
Bowling Club.

Over 140 members turned up. We heard of the importance of
the Club to the community from Tony Krsticevic, MLA for
Carine; Troy Pickard the Mayor of Joondalup; and Russ Fishwick, Councillor for the
South Ward of Joondalup.

Despite the weather, everyone who attended seemed to have a good time; enjoying
the lunch; and reminiscing about the good old days.

We were able to celebrate with our life members; people who provided the
foundations upon which our Club is built. Unfortunately bowls never happened but
everyone appreciated that the welfare of our greens takes precedence.

Tremendous thanks to John Abercrombie, Anne Lilley and Judith Skeet, our captains,
together with their committees, for making the day a great success. And who can
forget the helpers. They arrived very early Sunday morning to arrange tables, tea and
coffee, food, flowers and the like. Too many to single out individually, but you know
who you are. Thank you so much on behalf of the members of your Club – sorry I
have to mention Joan and Dell.

On a different focus, financial viability is one of the six key performance areas listed
in the Club’s strategic plan, 2020 Vision. The Club’s financial position is governed
by other performance areas like membership – the more members that we have the
more membership revenue we receive; the more bar trade that
we generate then the greater the bar revenue; and so forth.
The Club’s financial position is also governed by how                Where
much money is spent and on what.
                                                             does our money
Between May 2008 and August 2011 (forty calendar             come from and
months) the Club generated revenue of $1.43 million            where does
which was almost entirely consumed running the                    it go?
Club. The following graphs show where the money has
come from and where it has gone:


As you can see, most of our revenue has come from our bar trade profits (28.4%),
followed by membership subscriptions at 22.5%. As you would expect, most of the
expenditure goes on general expenses associated with running the Club (such as
lights, insurances, cleaning etc) and maintaining our greens.

The tight margins between revenue and expenditure over the past 40 months indicate
how delicately our finances are balanced and how well they must be managed. A
big thank you needs to go to Barry Bradshaw for the great work that he is doing as

Each area of Club activity is impacted by others. For example, bar trade and its
profitability is dependent on membership numbers, bar patronage and the amount
of bowls played. Bowls and croquet revenue is also dependant on membership and
the level of bowls/croquet games played. Other revenue streams such as community
bowls, functions and hall hire need to be maintained and hopefully expanded
to increase revenue. These revenue streams if successful will take pressure off
membership fee increases.

Some members may wonder why some other clubs are able to offer cheaper
membership fees. In the main, this reflects how many social members they have with
some, because of their location, operating more or less as the local pub. While we
certainly do wish to attract more social members, I don’t think we wish to become the
local pub.

Government excise tariffs on alcohol which are levied every six months have
been absorbed by the Club over the past two years, reducing bar profitability.
Unfortunately these costs can no longer be absorbed and will have to be recognised in
future prices charged for drinks.

From the above, members will appreciate the importance of introducing more
members to the Club. Membership has fallen since its peak in 2008 and the Executive
is exploring ways to address this trend, such as another open day or a letter box drop.
It goes without saying that if every member introduced a new member to the
Club, our membership would double over night. We all have friends, family and
neighbours. Why not talk up the Club and see if you can sign up a new member?
Members will have noticed that the Club is trying to improve its communication by
increasing our database of member email addresses. Email is a very cost-effective
way of keeping you informed of what’s happening. If you haven’t provided you email
address as yet, please contact our Secretary.

Another way we are trying to increase patronage of the Club is through our regular
events such as the $7 Friday night meals with live music; tribute nights, fashion
parades and up coming events such as a Melbourne Cup Day and New Years Eve

                                                          Show your
                                                          Sorrento Bowling
                                                          Club membership
                                                          card at Brumby’s
                                                          Bakery in Darch
                                                          and receive a
                                                          25% discount on
                                                          in- house baked

                    Tony Krsticevic MLA
                                               MEMBER FOR cARinE

    Proud to support the Sorrento Bowling Club
    I am available to help resolve any problems
    you may be experiencing with State or Local
    Government and listen to your views on local
    issues that need resolving.

    appointment with me.
    Suite 6 Carine Glades Commercial Centre
    6 Davallia Road Duncraig WA 6023
    P: 9246 1800       F: 9246 1987     E:


party. Past events have been well attended but we would like to see more members
and their guests coming along. Congratulations go to Greg Day for all his hard work
in this area.

A great way to reduce costs is to use volunteers in preference to paid staff. We have
been extremely pleased with the response of members to our calls for assistance.
Volunteers also add a tremendous atmosphere to the Club and demonstrate the
essence and the fabric of what a good Club is meant to be. Please be supportive of our
volunteers and remember to say thanks. It is through their efforts that we have such a
wonderful Club. Don’t forget to offer your help – even if it’s only washing up a few
dishes, cooking the occasional BBQ or remembering to take your empty glasses back
to the bar.

Well the days are getting longer and warmer and the bowls and croquet seasons are
about to commence. Our greens staff has worked tirelessly over the winter to prepare
the greens for the start of pennants. All that could be done has been done, and it’s
now up to the weather to decide when that will happen. I ask members to be hopeful
but also to be tolerant if things do not come together as soon as planned.

All in all I think that the Club has a good feel about it and we are all looking forward
to the future. I hope that you feel this way also.
                                                                            – Brian Lucas
                          Men’s Captains Report

L    et me again thank you all who supported our Opening Day for 2011/2012. 150
     members, life members and invited guests turned up to celebrate the opening
of the Bowls and Croquet season. Unfortunately the weather was not kind with the
competition for the “Irene Gatter” trophy had to be cancelled due to the wet weather
and unplayable greens. Needless to say a great day was still had by all.

Men’s club fixtures cards are available from the Match Committee office. Chris
Tibbits and his team have done a wonderful job in putting the fixtures list together.
First Pennant practice starts on Thursday 6 October and Saturday 8 October, so please
make yourself available as the selectors need your commitment prior to the start of
the Pennant season. More information as the season progresses. Remember “One
Club One Goal”
                                                                               – ABBA
                                 Dash for Cash

Winners of the last Dash for Cash were R Cantrill, G Pointu, R Gray and
P Bamford. Runners up were the Sorrento team of M Martin, B Self, T
Hogan and W Elliott. Sorrento also did well as morning and afternoon

AM Winners T Orton, K Cooper, K Giles and K Coffey
PM Winners A Partington, L Johnson, C Stainsby and H Eisenmann
                                                            – Match Committee

                 Ladies Match Committee Report

F   irstly I would like to advise that there has been a change to the Match Committee
    members. Barbara Claffey has retired from Match and Sonia McGrady has
very kindly accepted the position. I would like to thank Barbara for all her help
and support, and wish her all the best for the holiday/cruise that she and Norm are
heading off on. Sonia brings a wealth of knowledge with her and we look forward to
working with her. Thank you Sonia, and welcome.

The fixture cards are available, and anyone who doesn’t have one is welcome to see a
Match Committee member who will be only too happy to help you out.

Our Gala Day is on the 13th January 2012 and the fliers have been sent out to various
clubs, we look forward to a positive response from those. Should anyone wish to
personally invite a team please see one of the Match Committee members and they
will give you a registration form.

The Invitation Day fliers will be the next to go out and we hope to have that under
way by the end of the month.

Ladies keep an eye on the clip boards for the Club Championship lists which have
started going up. We will endeavour to have the lists up about a month prior to the
event so that you will have plenty of time to nominate. We would like you all to
participate in the Club Championships so that we can make this season as successful
as possible. Good bowling ladies!
                                                                       – Coral Smith
         Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club Tournament

E   very year at the beginning of September, the Kalgoorlie Ladies Bowling Club
    runs a four day carnival, the first two days of which are called the Welcome Fours
and the last two days the Farewell Fours.

Three teams of ladies from Sorrento Bowling Club travelled to Kalgoorlie by train
to take part in this event. The participants had the good fortune to play bowls on
Kalgoorlie’s brand new synthetic grass surface. A great time was had by all and, apart
from a downpour on the afternoon of the second day, the weather was warm and
sunny. The Sorrento teams stayed at the Railway Motel which was convenient to the
bowling club and to the train station.

          Fax: (08) 9309 9933 U7/6 Buckingham Drive, Wangara WA 6065
     Email: Web:

In the Welcome Fours, the Sorrento team of
Nelly Heard, Marie Smart, Fay Jennings and
Clair Hanlon finished second overall with Pauline
Bourne, Jan Cook, Wendy Saul and Sharon Eggers
finishing third. Both teams had 5 wins out of 6
games over the two days. In the Farewell Fours,
the team of Pauline Bourne, Jan Cook, Wendy Saul
and Sharon Eggers again finished in third place
overall with 4 wins out of 5 games.

Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the bowling, the food and the camaraderie of the
tournament. We look forward to taking part again next year.
                                                                  – Sharon Eggers
                     Ladies New Shirt Committee

                             T    he Ladies section of our bowling club decided
                                  earlier this year to design and introduce a new, more
                             modern club and Pennant shirt. A committee of three
                             ladies, Jan Cook, Fran Bracknell and Sharon Eggers,
                             was appointed to investigate suppliers and to come up
                             with some possible designs with a view to having a new
                             shirt for the coming bowling season.

                             After consulting other clubs who had acquired new
                             shirts and having discussions with several local
                             suppliers, the shirt committee presented a choice
                             of three possible designs plus pricing to the Ladies
                             Executive Committee.

The new design was agreed upon unanimously by the entire Committee, the ladies
of the club were shown the proposed new shirt and the ordering process was put in

The new shirts had their first ‘outing’ at the club’s Opening Day. The general
consensus is that they are attractive, very representative of our club environment (sun,
water and a swan) and that the Sorrento ladies teams will now be easily recognisable
anywhere they go to play.
                                                                        – Sharon Eggers
                                Fashion Show

M     y thanks go to all the ladies and visitors for making the Kings Park Fashion
      Parade a great success. Special thanks go to all the ladies who donated their

time, made soup, sold raffles, sold tickets at the door, our great models and to Joan
and her helpers for providing morning tea.
I would also like to thank Margaret for donating the lovely Nutrametics raffle and to
Barbara her helper and also to Greg Day for the wine raffle. An amount of $1451 was
raised. Apologies if I have forgotten anyone.
                                                                         – May Leyland

                              Men’s Pennants

I t is very pleasing to see the numbers of Pennant players increasing, so much so
  we have decided to apply for another Division on Thursday so that more players
can receive a game. This will increase our Division numbers to 9 for Thursday and
Saturday will remain the same at 7.

Don’t forget Pennant Practice starts on Thursday 6th October and Saturday 8th
October and if you are unavailable for those dates please put your name on the
unavailable list posted on the notice board.

With the number of players available this year we should have a very healthy Bankers
Competition on both days and with this in mind it would be advantageous if we were
blessed with a member who was interested in running a competition on both days.
If there is a member out there who would like to offer his services for this position
please contact me as soon as possible.

Due to the restriction in green availability we will be sending some teams to Warwick
as they have generously agreed to accommodate our players. These dates will be
advised in the near future. Good Bowling for the season.
                                                                         – Des Bennett
                             Ladies’ Pennants

T   he Ladies Selection Committee have set their objectives for the year viz.
      • A committee that works together to achieve common objectives.
      • Works to promote as many divisions as possible through training/coaching
      • Targets compatibility and harmony within teams.
      • Tries new combinations and ascertains flexibility of players.

Circuit training will commence 24 Oct. at 2.30 pm and weekly thereafter, it is
recommended all players make themselves available. Practice Matches interclub have
been arranged and will be posted on the notice board when home and away details are
finalized, depending on availability of our greens. Check our notice board.

Games for 1st Division players against our men are being arranged, these will be on
Friday Evenings at 4.30 pm. Dates are yet to be confirmed.

Please remember the five ladies on Selection are only too willing to assist in any way
possible to make this a successful Pennant Season. Happy Bowling
                                                                             – Jan Cook
                        Ladies’ Delegate Report

B   owls WA diaries will not be available this year due to lack of sponsorship
    Sponsors (BCIB) stickers to be used for Pennants this season.

Wearing of Light Feet bowls shoes remains an issue. Latest advice from Bowls WA
Chief Executive Officer is that Bowls Australia is awaiting legal advice on the matter.

Greens inspections by Greens Committee, Bowls WA will begin earlier this season.
Clubs will be advised of dates of visits.

Ladies Match Committee will review dates of Friday/Saturday Pennant play offs as
they currently clash with dates of Inter Region Round Robin event.

A review will also be undertaken of Ladies Country week fixtures for next year to
determine if a solution can be found to overcome the postponement of some Metro
pennant games during country week.

Nomination forms for Bowls WA Carnival Fours have been posted to clubs (copy on
Ladies notice board). Venue will be Mt. Pleasant Bowling Club.

The ABC has advised Bowls Australia that on completion of its current contract it
will no longer telecast bowls events. BA has expressed its concern at this decision
and has referred the matter to the Federal Government for information/discussion.
                                                                           – Ann Lilley

                               Croquet Report

G    eoff Bloomfield a Life Member of our club suffered a stroke in June and sadly
     will not be back to play croquet. Geoff will be greatly missed around our Club
and Clubs around the State. We wish him well.

Inter Club Championships are well under way. All were decked out in their wet
weather gear for the Croquet Golf Singles Tournament which was held on Sunday
14th August. It turned out to be more windy than wet, with the gusts of wind giving
the balls a couple of extra rolls which was not always a benefit to the player.

Sunday 28th August we held our Croquet Golf Doubles Tournament with the weather
being nicer to us and more of our members coming out to enjoy the day. The winners

A bit of rain did not deter Pat Hobson, Trish
Klemp, Dorothy Woods, Liz Wood, Kerry
Bomford, Judith Skeet and Graeme Glover.
                                                 In-house Golf Singles finalists
                       This monthly               – Liz Wood and Trish Klemp
                       award is for the
                       croquet player
                       that makes the
                       most amazing
                       shot for the

                       Our inaugural
                       and August
                       winner is Olive
                       Kidd, pictured         In house Golf Doubles finalists
                       below                  Charlie Crute, Glenda Laidlaw,
                                             Kerry Bomford and Judith Skeet.

                                          Too many names to mention!
of these events were Liz Wood who won the Croquet Golf Singles. Judith Skeet and
Kerry Bomford won the Croquet Golf Doubles.

Ricochet Tournaments to be held over the coming weeks.

It is widely believed that Croquet originated from France, four of our members were
invited to St Stephen’s School in Duncraig on the 12th August to celebrate French
Day and to show the students how to play croquet. The students were required to
call our members Madame and the Madame’s all wore name tags. This worked well
for Madame’s Skeet, Hobson and Klemp but Madame Wood!!! Alias Alan Wood,
something not right there.
On Sunday 21st August and Wednesday 7th September we held a “Come & Try
Day”. Event Notices were placed in the Local Joondalup and Seniors Paper, we also
advertised on Capital Community Radio. We had a good response which resulted in
some new members and some people still trying out.

The Croquet Club recently hosted our annual event with members of the Platinum
50+ from Craigie Leisure Centre. 38 members of this group were guests of our Club
and were introduced to the game of Croquet and Bowls. This proved to be a great
afternoon and many visitors were keen to learn about both games. It is anticipated
that our membership could well increase due to this event. We thank all Croquet and
Bowls members who participated to show our guests the basics of these two sports.

Sorrento Croquet has introduced a new monthly award for “HOT SHOT OF THE
MONTH”. Often we see our fellow croquet players doing an extraordinary ‘HOT
SHOT’, which too many of us is not feasible. BUT THEY DO HAPPEN. Players
are encouraged to nominate, with a brief description of the HOT SHOT, the person
that they believe deserves this award. The recipient of this “CLAIM TO FAME” for
August is Olive Kidd.

Olive was commencing playing a game of Croquet Golf – she hit from the starting
corner, her ball travelled along the front of the green and unbelievably went through
the first hoop! If that is not INCREDIBLE – what is? A trophy depicting a little mallet
and ball on a plague has been presented to Olive.

We thank Ken Kidd for producing the ‘Trophy’ for “HOT SHOT OF THE MONTH”
winners. His time, expertise and craftsmanship is greatly appreciated.

Members are slowly coming out of hibernation after a chilly winter and it is good to
see them back on our Croquet Courts. It has been holiday time for many members
of the Croquet Club, with some members travelling locally in Australia and some
travelling overseas. We welcome them all back.

Law of the Lawn:
1.The side to win the toss chooses which colour balls they want to use, but play must
start with the Blue Ball.
2.Bisques cannot be used to run a hoop
3. Accidental touching of a ball by the striker’s mallet while preparing to strike is
counted as a strike and the turn ends.
                                                                          – Judith Skeet
                                   Darts Report

                               A    nother successful season for the Sorrento Bowling
                                    Club Darts Club is drawing to an end. This
                               year we had five sides entered – two in the Bowling
                               Club Association and three in the West Coast Darts
                               Association, including two Premier division sides.

                               All five sides made the finals. Congratulations to all
                               players who participated.

                               Congratulations also to Tony David (Capt.), Wayne
                               Clegg, Ian Stevenson, Derek Gleeson and David
                               Methvlen who won the Premier Division grand final,
                               beating Morley in a great game.

At the time of writing this report we still have one other side still in the finals; our
fourth division side. We wish the best of luck to Ian Marshal, Mike Smith, Tony
Jones, Eddie Tassone, Sam Tassone, Kevin Cook, Des Bennett and Bruce Cross.

This year’s darts trip away is to Wongan Hills is on the 1st and 2nd of October. It will
be an early start (8.30am Saturday from the club) to enable those that are interested to
watch the AFL grand final before competing against the Wongan Hills Bowling Club
darts sides.

A sausage sizzle will be put on for the players on Sunday on the return to the club.
We must thank Glenn Boston for his efforts in making all the arrangements for this

Coming dart club events are:
  • Club pairs – Thursday evening 29th September
  • Club singles - Thursday evening 6th October
  • Club windup dinner - Due to bookings of Club, this event cannot be arrange
    until early next year
  • Darts versus Bowls Day –Friday night, date to be advised
                                                                     – Wayne Gray

        Opening Day Sunday 18 September 2011

                                            Troy Pickard the
                                            Mayor of Joondalup;
                                            and Russ Fishwick,
                                            Councillor for the
                                            South Ward of
                                            Joondalup put down
                                            the first bowl and
                                            the first croquet ball
                                            for the season. Tony
                                            Krsticevic, MLA for
                                            Carine looks on

 Russ Fishwick and Dick
Currie enjoying morning tea   Troy Pickard, Brian Lucas and Tony
                                  Krsticevic at Opening Day
     Some of our members enjoying Opening Day

                               Umpire’s Corner

P  ennant players need to be aware of the new rules and procedures covering
   abandonment, delayed start or interruption of pennant games due to extreme
weather conditions. Extreme weather conditions include lightning, hail, heavy rain
and excessive heat.

In past years the responsibility of whether Pennants were abandoned on days of rain
or forecast high temperature lay with Bowls WA Match Committee. The new rules
recognise that each club may have widely varying climatic conditions on the day and
that wherever possible play should be allowed and encouraged. This is particularly
the case for coastal clubs with early sea breezes and ladies Tuesday pennants where
maximum temperatures are often not reached until after play is scheduled to finish.

While Bowls WA can still impose a general abandonment of a Pennant fixture due
to extreme weather conditions, essentially the responsibility of whether play is
abandoned, delayed or interrupted due to rain or excessive heat (or any other extreme
weather condition) now lays with individual clubs. Specifically the umpire of the
day has the responsibility of making the decision whether play will commence or
continue in the event of extreme weather conditions.

With regard to excessive heat, each club is now required to have an appropriate
thermometer set up to measure the prevailing outside air shade temperature. Should
the temperature reach 40 degrees C for men’s pennants (37 degrees C for ladies) then
the umpire of the day is to review the prevailing conditions and decide whether play
will commence or continue. The umpire may discuss the situation with the relevant
team managers but ultimately the umpire has the final decision.

Where the start of a Pennant game is delayed due to extreme weather conditions
and play cannot commence within 90 minutes of the schedule start, the game shall
be treated as abandoned. Once play has commenced but due to extreme conditions
cannot continue, the game will be deferred for up to 60 minutes, after which it can
be abandoned. When extreme conditions continue to interrupt play; team managers
shall consult with the umpire of the day who shall make the final decision whether to
abandon or continue play.

The decision to abandon, delay or defer play is not taken lightly and reflects the fact
that Bowls WA and Clubs have a duty of care towards its players to provide a safe
environment for play. Players should respect any such decisions by the umpire and
not attempt to approach and dissuade them from their decision. If players have a
problem with the decision they should take it up with their team manager who can
approach the umpire, or take the matter up with Bowls WA.

A new guide outlining the duties of a Marker (based on Bowls Australia –The
Principles of Marking), is now available and should be read by all players,
particularly those that may be called upon to undertake the marking of singles events.
Copies are available from the Office or the Match Committee.
                                                                        – Jim Ironside

H    ope you are enjoying the new format newsletter and the better quality printing
     of photographs and our sponsors adverts. Denise and I continue to get a lot of
positive comments about our club newsletter. Unfortunately we still get complaints
from members. One member said that a number of our ladies thought the joke about
“The Effect of Tea” was sexist and another thought one of the verses in a poem was
inappropriate and offensive.

We do try and exclude jokes that may offend members but it is important that readers
understand that it is important to lighten the tone and mood of the newsletter with
a few funny stories and jokes. The main aim of the newsletter is to provide a two-
way communication forum with members. Our newsletter therefore needs to be a bit
light-hearted and amusing otherwise members may not bother to read it from cover to
cover – which we understand most members do.

We apologise unreservedly to those who were offended by our attempts to amuse and
entertain. We do have the option in future to exclude all jokes and funny stories in
future. Please let me know if you would prefer this option.

One influential member thought that as a matter of courtesy anyone being profiled by
Kitty Mist should be advised prior to publication, and secondly, the comments about
the person cleared first. Kitty Mist has now profiled thirty of our members and this
is the first complaint we have received. These profiles are meant to be humorous and
light-hearted and really not meant to offend members. Again apologies to anyone
who has been offended.

We also got a complaint that there was no “Coaches Corner” in the August edition.
Ray Stapledon who is now responsible for writing this has assured me it will never
happen again.

Ron Burroughs was “upset” because he was not smiling in his photograph and
another member wanted to know why three men were featured on the cover and not
three women! Well this time the cover is dedicated to our ladies!

We also got a tongue-in -the cheek “complaint” from Mike Smith who said Kitty
Mist’s comment about Hadrian’s Wall being built by Glenn Boston’s forebears
to keep the English out was incorrect. On checking with Wikipedia your Editor


has established that the reasons for the construction of the wall vary, and the exact
explanation has never been recorded. However, a number of theories have been
presented by historians, primarily centering around an expression of Roman power
and Hadrian’s policy of defence before expansion.

Scholars also disagree over how much of an actual threat the sparsely populated land
of northern Britannia (Scotland) actually presented, and whether there was any more
economic advantage in defending and garrisoning a fixed line of defences like the
Wall over simply conquering and annexing the Scottish Lowlands and manning the
territory with a loose arrangement of forts. Another theory is of the simpler variety
– Hadrian’s Wall was, if not wholly, at least partially, constructed to reflect the power
of Rome, and was used as a political point by Hadrian. So lets us allow Kity Mist a
little poetic license!

Some members may prefer to read our newsletter on our club website. If you want to
do this please go to

Finally for those of you who don’t know we have two Alan Woods in our club. We
have Alan Wood (aka “Footie”) who is the croquet player, shutter-bug and poet and
married to Liz (aka “Mootie”) and we have Alan Wood the lawn bowler and retired
Master Mariner Ship’s Captain who brought a boat load of new members from
Scarborough. So don’t get them mixed up!
                                                                     – Neville Odell
                                 Did you know?

                       D    id you know that Tiger Hogan’s mum is 100 and still
                            counting? She has four children, 20 grandchildren, 33
                       great-grandchildren, and a one year-old great-great grandson.
                       She is very proud of the card and message she received from
                       the Queen for her special birthday earlier this year.

                       Did you know that on 27 November 2011 Ray and Emily Dunn
                       will have been married for 64 years? Well done to you both.

                       Neville and Lesley Cleary have also been married for a long
                       time and celebrate 58 years of married bliss in November.

                       Did you know that your Editor was reprimanded for eating one
                       of the Ladies scones at the Fashion Show! As a guest and as the
                       official photographer was he not entitled to one small scone?

                      Did you know that the mayfly – after hatching – takes up to
three years to grow up, and then spends only one day as an adult. During that day it

mates, lays eggs and expires? That last day must be absolutely spectacular!

Did you know that 80% of a bowler’s brain is water and that oak trees do not
produce acorns till they are 50 years old? There is still hope for some of us

                       Did you know that Jean Baker’s grand-daughter Kerri-Rose
                       was the Eagles “Mascot for the Day” on 8 July when they
                       played Geelong? Jean was extremely thrilled to see Keri-Rose
                       run onto the oval with the Eagles team and Rick the Rock
                       Eagle. Eagles won that night which made the it all the more

                       Do you know the definition of a novice bowler? He is a new
                       convert to bowls who confesses he knows nothing about the
                       game and then becomes angry when you agree with him.

Did you know that a crocodile cannot stick its tongue out and that an ostrich’s eye is
bigger than its brain?

Did you know that Tony Bourne was awarded the Western Australia 5 Star
Community Coach Award by the Australia Sports Commission: Active After-School
                                   Communities. He attended a course and then
                                   did 10 weekly sessions at Bambara Primary
                                   School The award is for achieved excellence

                                        • Playing for Life Philosophy
                                        • Positive role model
                                        • Community Endorsement
                                        • Full registration
                                        • Innovation/Special Initiative
                                                                          – Neville Odell

                   Sports Chaplaincy and Welfare

C    haplaincy is now accepted and welcomed in many clubs and organisations. In my
     years as a Minister / Counsellor / Chaplain I’ve had the privilege of working in
numerous chaplaincy positions - hospitals, aged care, West Perth Falcons, Perth Heat
baseball and in my present position as National Chaplain for Mission Australia. One
of my chaplaincy highlights was to attend the 1988 Seoul Olympics. Next month I
will be lecturing at UWA on the connection between “sport and spirituality”.

Friends of mine presently work as Chaplains at the West Coast Eagles and the

Western Force. Both these clubs welcome the additional support this role brings.

Chaplaincy in my view is a low key presence within a club. Situations arrive in
our lives, some welcome and others not, when a quiet conversation can be of great
benefit. Members know its available and can access it simply with a phone call or by
a conversation around the bar. As someone who is still working full-time it is a small
offering I feel I can make to our great club.

At our last AGM Jean Baker was appointed as the Ladies Welfare Officer. Russ
Lockwood has recently volunteered to be the Men’s’ Welfare Officer. These roles/
functions will remain unchanged. Feel free to chat to one of us if you would like to
know more about this change.
                                                                        –Bruce Eagles

          Some interesting comments from the Green

K    eep your ears open and you will hear all sorts of interesting comments on the
     green: Some heard recently on our greens :

     “ That was an uncanny bowl”
     “The green was so fast my bowl kept running after it had stopped”
     “Wick me over”
     “Good bowl – you just need a bit more grass and a bit more weight”
     “We’re in more trouble than Gunga Din”
     “Have a go at it – just a draw shot”
     “God bless your cotton picking socks”
     “You need to change your hand and put on a foot!”
     “It’s a booger of a green to play on”

                       Marketing and Functions

Friends and Neighbours – once you come along you’ll be back for more. Without
you our Club can’t exist. This is your Club and we’re trying to make this the best
Club in WA. Thanks again for your continued support.

Oh what a night! A sellout crowd enjoyed our latest tribute night with a few
surprises. Thank you members for your support and appreciation after the show
Thanks also to all social and committee members who assisted me and to members
for your continued support

Friday nights will continue as always. We are averaging approximately 60
(members, families and friends) and growing. Great food, chocolate wheel, and music


to dance to from 6.30 till 9pm. Feel free to bring your friends! If you’re not coming
on Friday nights you’re missing a great social night at your Club

On Sat 15th October we have the Fab Four Show. Be quick for tickets

On Tues. 1st November we have Melbourne Cup Day from 11 am – Music/prizes etc
                                                                  – Greg Day

                            Sponsorship Report

B    y the time this report is read most invoices for the 2011/12 season will have been
     forwarded to previous sponsors. At this point in time we are still chasing unpaid
invoices for the 2010/11 season. There are a few companies who have for various
reasons decided not to renew sponsorship. These signs will be replaced when a new
sponsor comes on board. The next step will be to pay a courtesy call to all sponsors
                                      both big and small. I have already visited several
            OSBORNE PARK
          76 HOWE STREET
       OSBORNE PARK WA 6018           The task of obtaining new sponsors is an
          Phone: 92421686             onerous task when one considers the number of          sporting Clubs like our selves who are chasing
                                      sponsorship in a restrictive market.

                                    To date I have visited Pharmacy 777, Friedman,
                                    Lurie, Singh & D’Angelo and HSBC Investment
                                    Bank in an effort to obtain sponsorship. At this
                                    stage only HSBC Bank have indicated that they
                                    are interested. I will follow up on the others
                                    in due course. Contact has also been made
                                    with a Brick Paving company and Jani-King.
                                    In previous years Jani-King has sponsored the
                                    Easter Carnival.

                                    As in past years all members should, where ever
                                    possible support our sponsors. I feel we lose
                                    sponsors for lack of contact by our members.

           SOUTH LAKE               All members should be on the lookout for
  Unit 7/752 NORTH LAKE ROAD        potential sponsors and should contact the
      SOUTH LAKE WA 6164            Executive if they have a possible sponsor.
        Phone: 94149229           As our season finishes in April and the Annual
                                    Meeting is held in June the incoming Sponsorship

Officer is behind the Eight ball in obtaining new sponsorship as most Companies
have already finalised their forward budget for the new financial year.

Once again we have obtained dates for sausage sizzles at Bunnings Whitford. The
dates aren’t ideal but due to an error by Bunnings they are all that was left to us. The
dates are the 11th 24th & 31st December. All permits have been applied for. A list
requesting volunteers will be put up soon and also will be in the newsletter.
                                                                          – Ian Marshall

                     The Knighthood Competition
                    (At the oldest bowling club in the world)

W     ith good evidence that bowls has been played on its green since at least 1299,
      Southampton (Old) Bowling Green on the south coast of England has strong
claims to being the oldest in the world.

The club plays the so-called Knighthood Competition, every year since its inception
on 1 August 1776. The competition was inspired by a Mr. Miller, who at 82 was
Master of the Green. For over two hundred years it has been played under his rules.

Those who have not previously won the Competition, are known as Gentlemen
Commoners, and are eligible to take part, with all previous winners, the Knights,
acting as organisers and controllers of the game.

The winner is allowed to use the title of ‘sir’ (in lower case) and he may return
after any period of absence to enjoy the privileges of membership. During the
Competition, tradition obliges the Knights to dress in full ceremonial attire – top hats
and tails – with the silver medal, their insignia of office, sported on their chests.

The Knights set the jack’s length and position, and because the Competition is played
over the whole of the green and not restricted by rink boundaries, many competitors
are immediately perplexed by having to play unaccustomed shots across the green
and at unfamiliar angles.

Each competitors bowls two woods and after each one comes to rest the distance
from bowl to jack is measured and recorded before the bowl is removed.

 A coin is placed under the jack so that it can be replaced precisely if displaced by
a bowl. A bowl that moves the jack and rests on the penny is known as a ‘lodger’..
Rules are rigidly imposed, for example no competitor is permitted to approach the
jack during play.

After each end a point is awarded to the player whose bowl finishes closest to the

jack; if he also has the second nearest he scores a total of two points. The jack is
then reset at a different position and the game continues – the winner being the first
player to score seven points.

He is awarded his Knighthood with appropriate pomp and ceremony in the
knowledge that he can never enter the Competition again, but may officiate in
future Knighthood Competitions dressed in top hat and tails. The Competitions are
rarely concluded under three days and have been known to last for ten.

                         A Knight recording a measure

              Elizabeth and Bob go for counselling

E    lizabeth and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
     When asked what the problem was, Elizabeth went into a passionate, painful
tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling
unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over
the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist
got up, walked around the desk and after asking Elizabeth to stand, embraced her,
unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them
thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a
raised eyebrow!

Elizabeth shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in
the glow of being highly aroused. The therapist turned to Bob and said, ‘This is what
your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’

Bob thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and
Wednesdays but on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays I play bowls!!!
                                – Thanks to Russell Lockwood for this contribution

           An Obituary printed in the London Times
                             - Interesting and sadly true!

T    oday we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
     been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as
having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
      - Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
      - Why the early bird gets the worm;
      - Life isn’t always fair;
      - and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you
can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only
worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they
themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to
administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a
student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals
received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in
your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that
a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly

awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death; by his parents, Truth and Trust; by his wife,
Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility; and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
     I Know My Rights
     I Want It Now
     Someone Else Is To Blame
     I’m A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
                                       – Thanks to Annie Taylor for this contribution

                             The $12.99 Special

I f you are a Senior you will understand this one, if you deal with Seniors, this
  should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a Senior yet
– God willing, someday you will be!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon,
hash browns and toast for $12.99. ‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the

‘Then, I’ll have to charge you $13.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress
warned her. ‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ My wife asked

‘YES!’ Stated the waitress. ‘I’ll take the special then,’ my wife said..

‘How do you want your eggs?’ The waitress asked. ‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife
replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! WE’VE been around the block more than once!

                                   – Thanks to Richard Fermoyle for this contribution

                   Coaches Corner – “More Grass”

B   y the time these notes reach members Pennant practice will have started,
    however, how many of you will only be practising the same old faults of last

Members should have gone back to basics and do their practice from there. This
should also include a visit to a Club Coach (and there are 5 or 6 always available),
but how many actually seek advice. During the Winter recess, we Coaches, see many
instances where a few words would help you, but we cannot give advice unless you
ask. We are not very busy and would welcome your requests. Along with Pennant
practice, circuit training will be conducted for both ladies and men.

Finally, we as Coaches see mainly new bowlers and during their integration in bowls,
they do naturally make mistakes, however, we request that other members do not
offer advice (as many do) especially during games, as this upsets the new player and
is counter productive for the Coach’s efforts and may only be part of the problem.

Today’s tip 1. Check your grip
            2. Concentrate on delivery along your aiming line

Have a good season
                                                                       – Ray Stapledon

                  Our Tribute to the Stars Evening

W       e paid our entrance fee and booked our place on a table with friends. Our first
        impressions were most positive. The setting with the stage, decorations and
seating gave it a cabaret feel. After a few drinks, good conversation with some new
acquaintances and a few nibbles we settled into a relaxed frame of mind and awaited
the first act.

Roy Orbison was duly introduced and with some fanfare took to the stage. He
naturally sang the songs we all wanted to hear and gradually the dance floor filled,
then flooded. We thought he was fantastic, assisted with original backing music and
he received hearty applause.

As we settled down to more chat and drinks, someone at our table spotted “Cher”
arriving and we didn’t have to wait long before the music to her hit “Believe”
heralded her stage appearance. Well, all eyes turned in her direction. Not only did she
look the part, great costuming etc. But her voice and performance mirrored the star

The full dance floor turned into an adoring crowd, swaying to the music enchanted by
her performance. We were all glad that Judy Campbell invited her son and daughter
in law and friends as they were invited to take the stage. Brett, Carmel and Tash were
great and we all enjoyed their contribution.
Follow that!

Freddie Mercury (Australia’s got talent, Tom Crane) did, and continued the theme of

            Club members at “A night with the Stars”

Freddie Mercury, Rod Stewart, Ray Orbisson and Cher entertain the Sorrento
                   Bowling Club members and friends

dancing, arms swaying and audience participation. No crowd control was necessary
as the performer gave excellent renditions of popular songs again enhanced with
original music belting away in the background.

Finally, at no extra cost, the audience were informed of another star’s appearance.
Even though the identity was of no surprise to most, Rod Stewart pranced onto
the stage giving another professional rendition of his songs with more audience
adulation. He even got an encore to the delight of all who attended including a lady
who was completed besotted by “Rod”.

We think that everyone present thought it was a truly fantastic evening, with
comments of “best ever”. Well done Greg Day and the social committee for all of
their work in organising such a memorable evening. Well done. To any members
who did not get a chance to enjoy this great night, look out for and be part of the next
event, as we are sure you will enjoy it.
                                                            – Tony and Pauline Bourne
                                  Pilbara Day

                                       P  ilbara Day dawned fine! Unfortunately
                                          many of the Pilbara folk were at Open
                                       Days here in the Metropolis – but quality not
                                       quantity was the order of the day.

                                       All “30” of us enjoyed a wonderful lunch from
                                       Joan and her helpers (what a star)!!

                                        We then, played a fabulous game of 18 ends
 Moira Dean and Trevor Orton            versus Sorrento, (they helped us field 3
       doing the raffle                 teams). The atmosphere was so outgoing and
                                         friendly, everyone was smiling.

                                         The outcome of the day’s result was Pilbara
                                         winners of 158 shots and Sorrento 150.

                                         We had a multi-raffle of wine and plants
                                         which made $120 for the club.

                                         Thank you, Sorrento, we’ll be here in
                                         numbers next year. Linky Soufulis accepted
                                         the Iron Ore Trophy on behalf of the Pilbara
 Ken Foggo, Lorraine Hyde,                                              – Moira Dean
Neville Cleary and Gabriel Soto
        overall winners
                             Just a Reminder

 That the City of Joondalup council elections are now in progress. Voting packages
will be posted out this week 19th to 23rd September and residents are being

The Mayor of Joondalup Troy Pickard and the Sorrento Bowling Club President
Brian Lucas have endorsed your club secretary Richard Currie for the nomination of
councillor in the South Ward. DUNCRAIG MARMION AND WARWICK.

Therefore I kindly ask for your vote. PLEASE VOTE FOR RICHARD CURRIE
                                                            – Richard Currie

          If you need security doors or screens,
               speak to club member Barry
           or call Safeway Security Screens on
                        9314 1774
                 Some club members in action

                                    Ken Lang,
                                    a friend
                                    to know
                                    if you
                                    want some
                                    meat for
Eddie Tassone one of our star       your next
bowlers and darts players           barbie

  Shane Taylor playing well
     with his new bowls                        Russell Lockwood draws
                                                   another toucher

                                Left: Brad
                                Williams in

                                Right: John
                                showing good
                                (note locked
                                    Col Cramond, once again
Hope Bryan Townsend will be       demonstrating good technique
   back again this season

                                  Above and below: Derek Lay
Roland Hill getting down low!!    and Frank Bomford playing
                                   in the Croquet and Bowls

Trevor Simmons another good new
       bowler in action
     Farmer Jacks
      130 Coolibah Drive
      Open 7 days a week
         7am to 9pm

          Dorothy Dix answers your
            important questions

Dear Dorothy
Who is Kitty Mist? I initially
thought it was Dick Currie, Neville            Our
Odell or Sharon Eggers but I             “Agony Aunt”
now realise that this scandalous
                                          section to
periphrastic adoxography has to
have been written by someone who         help solve your
is intellectually gifted. Please put        problems
us out of our misery and identify
this talented club member.
- Angry Anderson
                                             Dear Dorothy Dix,
Dear Angry Anderson                          Why do my bowls seem to have a
Kitty Mist has asked to remain               mind of their own?
anonymous. He/she is a very                  – Colin
modest person and does not
want to be associated with any               Dear Colin
unneccesary publicity                        Were they once owned by Brian
– Dorothy Dix                                Saul?
                                             – Dorothy Dix

Dear Dorothy
A number of our lady members think that the joke about “The Effect of Tea”
on page 41 of the August 2011 newsletter is sexist. When the Editor was
approached we were told that we did not have a sense of humour. What should
we do?
– Some Concerned Members

Dear “Some Concerned Members”,
Complaints received about the SBC Newsletter often relate to important
issues such as the misspelling of member’s names, sexual content, nudity,
fattism, discrimination and vilification. While most complaints are obscure
and unrealistic the Editor assures me he will take more care in future to avoid
anything that might be considered offensive or funny. He has promised to
exclude jokes about gender, occupation, religion, diabilities, the elderly, the
hearing impaired, the vertically challenged (the short), the circumferentially
challenged (the fat) and the follicurlarly challenenged (the bald)
 – Dorothy Dix

         Why do Golfers take to the Game of Bowls?

                           M      any golfers transfer to bowls when they realise their
                                  golf skills are starting to diminish as their ability to
                           hit the ball the same distance as when young diminishes.
                           They realise they no longer derive the same enjoyment and
                           as their handicap increases there is a decision to move on try
                           something different and BOWLS sounds good.

                          Although they adapt very quickly due to their ability to
                          gauge distances and draw of the bowls, they soon find there
                          is a lot more to this old peoples’ game than first anticipated
especially after being belted by people much older than themselves.

After joining a bowls club they find the cost of being a member is much less. Golf
membership and equipment is expensive. Expensive golf balls, are, unlike bowls, and
hard to find when they have the wrong bias put on them!

Golfers are better club room champs than bowlers with the length of drives and putts
being marginally exaggerated and mathematics is also
not a strong point as I am sure some of the buggers
can’t count. However both codes suffer the same
problem with egos and abilities clashing.

One great advantage that bowls has over golf is the
proximity of the clubhouse to the playing arena. It is
great to be able to quickly get some refreshment and
just as great to be able to quickly get rid of it, nothing
worse than being caught short five holes from home!

It doesn’t take long to realise that to have started bowls at an earlier age would have
been a bonus as it is being demonstrated that youth is playing a bigger role in this
terrific game however age does not stop one from enjoying this game (if the hip is
OK and the knee still works) and enjoying the fellowship that accompanies it.

Both games provide a health aspect with plenty of walking, although golf may have
a bigger impact on blood pressure and golf certainly goes a long way to improving
spiritual language skills.

No saint has been recorded as a golfer!
                                                                         – Neville Cleary

      Beach stays are better with
         a free sunset dinner

         Book online to receive your complimentary $100 sunset
                   dinner voucher - min 2 nights stay
 Book online       Book online
           or call 08 9404 1200                       or call 08 9246 8100
- 10 Oceanside Promenade, Mullaloo, Perth      - 1 Padbury Circle, Sorrento, Perth


To top