ATTRACTION
JUDGMENTS OF ATTRACTION ARE
ONGOING
JUDGMENTS OF ATTRACTION MAY
INVOLVE:
– Social Attraction
– Physical Attraction
– Task Attraction
PRIMARY BASES OF
ATTRACTION
REWARDS
PROXIMITY
SIMILARITY
PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
WANTING WHAT YOU CAN’T HAVE
SIMILARITY &
DISSIMILARITY
WHY DO WE SEEK SIMILARITIES?
– Suggests a common view of the world
– Suggests promising energy investment
WHAT SIMILARITIES DO WE LOOK FOR?
– Share understanding/acceptance of norms?
– Share aspects of communicative style?
– Share personal characteristics?
– Share personal preferences?
– Share needs?
WHEN DO SIMILARITIES NOT LEAD
TO RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT?
– Offsetting dissimilarities
– Adequate stable of friends
– Other is similar on things you’d like to
avoid
– Other is disliked by another valued/similar
person
– Early similarities superficial; don’t hold up
– Specifics of abstract similarities revealed
as dissimilarities
WHEN DO DISSIMILARITIES
POSITIVELY AFFECT ATTRACTION?
– Put yourself in contrast to others to test self
– Time and energy investment is short
– Differences don’t challenge most cherished
beliefs
– Differences are what you’d like to be like or
need
– Offsetting rewards
– Dissimilarities minimally effect type of
attraction
HOW ARE
SIMILARITIES/DISSIMILARITIES
REVEALED?
– In changing bits and pieces (not like in
“phantom-other” experiments)
– Perhaps not revealed per se (e.g., you perceive
“flexibility” which you then “see” everywhere)
– When other behaves out of the ordinary
– Dating services; online matchmaking sites
countrysingles.com
Match.com (100,000 active members claimed)
ATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY
TRAITS (FOR MEN & WOMEN)
HONESTY, COMPETENCE,
INTELLIGENCE, ENERGY, ABILITY,
WARMTH, CONSIDERATION,
UNDERSTANDING, SENSE OF
HUMOR, DEPENDABILITY,
EMOTIONAL STABILITY
THE DARK SIDE OF
ATTRACTION
FATAL ATTRACTION
– When the characteristics that attract a
couple to each other create hurt &
eventually destroy the relationship
TWO-SIDED ATTRACTION
– When the same characteristic that
attracted you to a person becomes a
characteristic which you don’t like