Integrating Personal and
Professional Life: A
Balancing Act
Carol D. Berkowitz, M.D.
This is your time
You fill it
You fill it
Until it’s full
Or is it full?
There’s always room for
more
And more..
And more..
And even more..
And still room for more..
Halfway there
And even more..
Until it’s full
• What is the message????
Figure out:
• what are the BIG rocks
in your life???
A Juggling Act
• Work
• Children
• Spouse
• Family obligations
• Self
• Household and
other tasks
Selecting work
• A job or a career?
• Who comes first in a 2 career
household?
Selecting work
• How do you know if you are really
happy?
– How do you feel when you awaken in the
a.m.? Dreading the day? Living for the
weekend?
– Every job has annoying aspects:
minimize them.
Selecting work
• List 10 things you like to do outside
of work
• List 10 things you like to do at work
• Any overlap?
Is work all consuming?
• Are you:
– Overly conscientious?
– A people pleaser?
– Overwhelmed by a sense of
responsibility and guilt?
– An unrelenting perfectionist?
– None of the above?
– All of the above?
Clues to setting
priorities
• Family comes first
– No one on his/her death bed has said “I
should have worked more.”
Using your time wisely
• Live close to work – avoid long
commutes: you don’t get credit in
Heaven
• Two different approaches: Dr. N and
Dr. S
As close as you can get?
You’re not indispensable!
• It’s seductive to think you’re
indispensable, but you’re not (How
can you take vacation?)
• Any one can do your job at work, not
your job as a parent or spouse
• Help colleagues out with their family
conflicts
• Don’t abuse single colleagues: they
also have a life
Use your time wisely
• Not everything has to be done by
tomorrow- it’s not cottage cheese: it
won’t spoil if left another day.
• Better to do it slow and do it right.
• If something can’t get done, 100
years from now, who will know or who
will care
But don’t procrastinate!
• Better finished than perfect.
• Chinese proverb:
– The best time to plant a tree was 20
years ago.
– The second best time is now.
False assumptions about
time
• I’ll have more time to do something
with someone I love in the future.
Create goals for
yourself.
• Write down 3 goals:
– Work
– Family
– Personal
– Mount in a conspicuous place
• Screen saver
• Refrigerator
• Bathroom mirror
Create goals for yourself
• Make a list of things that are “once
in a lifetime”
– Make an effort to achieve them
– Revise them over time
– Some thoughts?
My Trip to Antarctica
Consider an OSM!!
Don’t waste time or energy
with inconveniences
• Separate inconveniences from real
problems
• Life is lumpy.
– A lump in oatmeal, a lump in the throat,
and a lump in a breast are not the same
lump. Learn the difference. Problem or
inconvenience?
– Pick your battles.
Get the most out of each
day
• What is the meaning of life?
– (Thought I had the answer?)
– “When you have learned to live, life
itself is the reward.”
– Harold Kushner
– Life is like a ballroom dance- enjoy the
movement- the end of the dance isn’t
the best part.
Do things as a family
• Do them often
• Plan together
• Take vacations
• Set expectations for your children
about family commitments
• Eat together
• Go to important events (graduations)
Do things as a couple
• Set time aside without the children
• Do dating things
• Celebrate romantic holidays
• Say hello and good-bye
• Do bills together
• Determine individuals
strengths/tasks
Onboard Le Diamant in Antarctica
Nurturing a relationship
• Talk to one another
– Men are from Mars and women are from
Venus and think they are responsible for
everything
– Don’t misinterpret silences: You don’t
know what is on someone else’s mind.
Take the high road
• Be the “grown-up”
• Share tasks
• Ask for help
• Give in graciously
• Avoid going to bed angry
When you ask for help
• Explain what you want
• Give a date or time
• Teach, if necessary
• Stay out of the way
• Don’t criticize
• Don’t redo
Say I’m sorry
I’m going to say I’m sorry
It’s time for this quarrel to end
I know that we both didn’t mean it
And each of us misses a friend
It isn’t much fun being angry
And arguing’s just the worst
So I’m going to say I’m sorry
Just as soon as you say it first
Jeff Moss “The Other Side of the Door”
Making time for yourself
• Hire help
– Make a list of the most onerous tasks
that you have
• House-keeping
• Laundry
• Taxes
• Whom can you afford to hire?
– Teenagers are cheap
– Don’t spend your time off doing tedious things:
makes you grouchy and resentful
Making time for yourself
• Learning how to say NO.
– Don’t be all things to all people
– Don’t be worried about missed
opportunities
– Consider hiring an agent in Wisconsin
with an 800 number
3 Easy Steps to Saying
No
• Let’ s practice - All together:
• Open your mouth
• Say “NO”.
• Close your mouth.
Keeping your eye on your
goals
• It’s 6 months from now
• Where do you hope to be?
• What do you hope to have done?
• Write a letter to yourself!!