answered

							Deep Questions :

1     Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know
      the batteries are flat?
A.    Some feel that it maybe a failure of the connection of the
switch, or that greater current may be delivered if they persist
and push harder. Others are just tight fisted idiots who don’t want
to shell out for batteries.

2      Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they
       know there is not enough?
A.     Banks feel this is an appropriate handling fee for the
reversal of transactions where they must re-imburse another
transaction provider for the failed transaction; the reality is that
is not 30 quids worth of a processors time. See second statement
of first answer.
3      Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
       billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
A.     The general human being rarely questions the unknown and
un-resolved, but will doubt a persons statement if the visual
interpretation suggests otherwise. I personally like saying the
paints dry now and walking away.
4      Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
A.     Glue will stick to the wrong type of bottle, but typically; the
manufacture uses plastics which will not allow a chemical bond or
create a surface not capable of bonding with the glue.

5     Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal
      injection?
A.    For health and safety (those muppets again) reasons mostly,
imagine previously killing an infected deathrow prisoner, only for
the executioner to be infected if he drops the needle on his hand.
Other forms suggest that a needle would become clogged by the
coagulating blood cells in the needle, thus preventing an effective
dose of the lethal injection.
6     Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
A.    Film Directors typically feel the attractiveness of a
powerful character to females would be lost if his full face were
not shown. Also because they’re idiots.
7     Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
      when you throw a gun at him?
A.    Who ever said his head was bullet proof? Kinda like why
football players in Italy can be punched with no problem, but a
blade of grass can take them to their knees.

8      Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A.     To ensure they still have radio communications while they
complete their attack.
9      Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
A.     The word originates for its Germanic form of Wlyspian, a
mimic of the sound produces, later adapted to lisp from the form
of lisper, a person with a limited lateral flow of air over the tongue
and teeth. Whats funnier is the unusually cruel use of the words,
“stutter” “stammer” and the profession “Clinical Speech
Therapist/Pathologist”

10    What is the speed of darkness?
A.    Equal to that of light.

11    Are there specially reserved parking spaces for non-disabled
      people at The Special Olympics?
A.    Yes, they are called officials reserved parking.

12    If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
A.    In Cardboard to prevent external crushing of the light-
weight and shock adsorbent material.

13     If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be
       twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
A.     If you clarify that for the human body temp. is 37.5 Degrees
C average, and Freezing is 0 degrees C, then -37.5 should be about
right.

14     If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
A.     Evolution from particular species are typically due to
mutation or many mutations from it’s original form, take a bird for
example, a bird’s origins can be found in lizards, yet there are still
lizards right? Snakes can be seen as having the same origins also.
15    If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the
      others doing here?
A.    To help us with a purpose in life. Or to ensure the in-
appropriate use of social funds.



16    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only
      seem longer?
A.    I would say they actually live longer out of spite.

17     If someone with a split personality threatens to commit
       suicide, is it a hostage situation?
A.     It’s typically now called D.I.D. Disassociative Identity
Disorder, and a sufferer may see it that way yes, but it should
depend on which of the personalities is making the threat; if it’s
the legally identifiable personality the no. Yes it is… No it’s not,
shut up and go home… I can’t!...
Why not?... I’ll go if you go…

18    Can you cry under water?
A.    Yes, but the tears would dissipate and dilute in the water
preventing visible sign of the emotion.

19      What level of importance must a person have, before they
       are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
A.     Assassination usually suggests Pre-meditation to commit
murder, where as murder is typically not that thoroughly planed.
Then it’s up to the news papers to decide. I’d say anyone with a
public presence.

20    If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have
      branches?
A.    Both originate from the Latin word Branca which translates
to “Paw”, or a position geographically different from the parent
organization.

21    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A.    Have you ever tried to make a round box?

22    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out
      it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
A.    Suitcases with wheels appeared on commercial trunks 200
years ago, we just forgot about it for some years though.

23    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when
      babies wake up, like, every two hours?
A.    I’m sure most people say that instead of saying “well I woke
up crying last night and my pyjama pants were soaked, and there
was a mushy feeling in my knickers”, I slept like a baby is surely a
more polite way of saying, “I suffer night time incontinence”.

24     If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
       hearing?
A.     Only if it’s the judge that is deaf does it no longer have the
right to be called a hearing. Along same lines as “tree falls in wood,
no one there to hear it.”

25     Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
       in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
A.     Me personally have never done this, I prefer to look with
binoculars up through the glass floors of SkyTower in Auckland, NZ
(preferably during summer), though, having asked a lot of friends,
most do it to reduce the feeling of vertigo, others like the feeling
of empowerment. Kids, please don’t throw rocks down to kill ants
though. Others a just Idiots… Bring your boot polish for them..
just a dab on the eye pieces. 

26     Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room
       or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ............
       they're still going to see you naked anyway.
A.      Doctors typically like to show a certain level of decency,
often for the comfort of the patient, thus allowing the patient to
reveal their body at their discretion; I was shocked to learn from a
friend that he needs time to prepare for really ugly patients
though.

As for the meaning of life…. I believe there is a group of
Middle Managers in a committee somewhere in the world that
will discuss this issue some time after they’ve agreed on the
position of a water cooler and the colour of the latest user
manuals cover.
What was revealed to me about the Meaning, well, I’ll suggest
it’s between the documents proving that hell is exothermic and
that the big bang is the cause of why toast always falls butter
side down.