THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF
MARK TWAIN
Simplified Spelling, Ducks, and Other Things
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: \u25a0
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hography i ;t heartily, \u25a0
! : - morning he drove them from the stable down I the \u25a0
rything thai 1. us been river an 1 the children were always there to >cc and
EVER. .
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.
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.:" ly in defense ofit. Nothing professing '
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admire the waddling white procession They were
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to be a defena i rous spellings 1 lai there again at sunset to see Patrick conduct the
md then t a - 1
basis, so far as my observation goes, e> procession back to its lodgings in the stable But
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a a1
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ntalitj In these arguments" ' «\u25a0 term vener- this was n it always a gay and happy holiday show,
... -. used insl ' id F moldy, and hallowed instead in it for tl nesses; no, too frequently \u25a0
|un and give thank-, in
In 1673. ....
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ning, and
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•\u25a0 moreandm ire grotesque with
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s
ir
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to Providence for benevolence • > thankful for whereas they
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m the other
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r tun -
the• . mba icks. she were my ducks. I bought the ducks.
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why God When a crop of young ducks, not yet quite old
:. .• much d n Patrick kills 1
tt pa enough for the table, but approaching that ige,
perfectly i
...
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Ireadfu is mistaken as to the origin of the ducks began V > join the procession, and paddle around in — —
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They were n• 1 gift I" igl I then lam not SUSY the si 1} t, .: ': give thanks not to me \u25a0
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the .leaf on which ii for that privilege, the snapping turtles would sus-
finding fault. with h r for that would be m I
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most rui 'iten* nl
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pend their songs of praise and slide off the logs and
historian, as a rule, and it would nol be just to make paddle almmon
two or three of those little ireatures were not mov-
u g about, but were apparently at anchor, and were
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I oking as thankful as they had been looking a
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"to
redit of it Pi I ;nce, without :. rt time before. He early found out what that
of the i tpergating*"' of my books by the subtle thing. 1
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nioDificatj n accidentally infused into the word by
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the • tter. This may be \u25a0 sign meant,— a submerged snapping turtle was tak-
.. ii imatic relig- ing his breakfast, and silently singing
Susy's modification of the spelling of it.
iremember the special case mentioned by Susy, ion, in fad
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— his gratitude. Every day or two Patrick
and ca:: see the group t,— two-thirds of it plead-
- r the life of the" culprit sentence that was 90 used to it it it i
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would rescue and fetch up a little duck
with incomplete legs to stand upon,
—
rc? •
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nothing left of their extremities but
so £a* Inatinglv dreadful, and the other third of it thai n do it \u25a0
patiently explaining why the court could not grant it 1 ir help gnawed and bleeding stumps. Then
the prayer of the pleaders; but I not remember do or even the children said pitying things and
wept -and at dinner we finished the
whai the : :iicmned phrase was. i- had much h v : out of all the tragedy which the turtles had l«.-gun.
company, arid they all went to the gallows: but it is nd statist Thus, as will be seen,— out of season,
pos-: •\u25a0..• xh.xi'specially dreadful one which gave
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placed
—
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those httk people so much delight was cunningly - the one
it, it will at least, it was really the turtles that
." us so much ducks at my expense
dev:x-i aiifj put into the l>ook for just that function, "
Pap.i has written a new version '>t~ There
an 1 n ::\.-',[ any hope orexpectation that it would nssult eit has "
:.y: : nappy 1 tnd it is t
get .y the ergatoi alive. It is possible; for 1 en t -•• ["herei a !»'.ir ling h tv
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ha ithat custom. I in} ther \u25a0
Far, far aw c. .
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Susy's quaint and effective selling falls quite op- It is thus :•\u25a0- \u25a0
Where they have ham and -if!,-.
portunely into to-day"s atmosphere, which is heavy reflectii Three times iday,
* »h dont those boarders yell
with the rumblings and grumblings and rnutterings \u25a0
of the Simplified Spelling Reform. Andrew Carnegie een, it When they hear the dinner-bell,
Started this s:orm. a couple of years ago. by moving a betrayed Su
They give that land-lord r its
Threi lay." \u25a0
simplifying of English orthography, and establishing injusi
a fund for the prosecution and maintenance of the -.: ird me It had
crusade. Hel«egan gently. He addressed a circular to be automatic; AGAIN Susy
to
- -a- hundreds of his friends, asking them to sim- Id have made a small err >r. \u25a0*"\u25a0
plify *.:*.- spelling erceives that the Ixrginning was lear litt sang it —with great
sufficiently quiet and unaggressive. rapher, 1 I
spirit :•>r the ele\ i-
Next stage: A small cummiltee was appointed, * \u25a0
tion of the household
with Brander Matthews for managing director and nd 1 not en The i hildren admired
S]">'-:n:in It issued a list of three hundred words,
>' average
. her now; \u25a0
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it to the limit, and
s:l3me:is as to selling, an 3 proposed new \u25a0
made me sing it with
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I ane sellings for these words. ITie President : \u25a0
burdens* >me frequency.
ted these
7jJ::K-'i three hundred officially, and ordered thai
siin- c an erro- Ti their mm I ii \u25a0
superior to the Battle
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they i>e used in the official d'xurnents of the Gov- Hymn of the Repul
ernment; It v.'as now remarked by all the eiiucated
arii the thoiightful except the clergy that Sheol was Hi .v. many yeai
to -^uy. This was most justly and comprsbensively that was! Where
dtars •if
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little isle, gazing, red ever], out over the
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•A -,-as, bnow flecked with driving spindrift;
.:r.ghistail, a most scary sj»ectaii was outraged bec"ause we, a nation of : heir breen its ornament and ar-.' g-*-rv:ng our orthography, since ours is a mongrel •
language .•\u25a0\u25a0\u25a0.\u25a0
three hundred wurds, and now consists of two hun-
a child's vocabulary of
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Gives
Dont See Why God
U* Much Duclu."
Isuppose, the real nig-
ger sin \u25a0\u25a0\u25a0'. the genuine
nigger sh\u25a0> .
dred and twenty-five thousand; the whole lot, with tr ivagant nigger >h> >\u25a0• .
the exoeptim of the original and legitimate three tin- show a Inch to me
hur.'jrt-J. lfe sure to convey to a reader's
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*ach individual word of the tot !eating the sourer mmd No elaboration of this matter is necessary; experien cIhe grand ipera and Iha\ \u25a0 \u25a0\u25a0
'\u25a0>' the theft tie* .; indgreatl) enj iyed, the first act ofeverything -
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and preserving the tnemorv of the which Wagnei real I but the effect onme has alv i;
revered crime I Hml : • river that been powerful that one act was quite sufficiei I
Why is it that I lijlvcintruded into this turmoil hll from the house to the sjuggjshl little
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Pamck who was Whenever 1 have witnessed two icts 1 have gone
- . ; ally exhausted and \u25a0• henever Ihave
an i manifested a desire to get our orthography flowed through the grounds, andconceived the idea
of it*a-:minities ; Indeed, 1 do not know why fertile in good ideas, had early our table. Every
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l !!ijn:fest any interest in the matter; for .t*. Of having homemade ducks for
ventured tn entire »pei i the i lull has been I \u25a0
:>