V1.
Dear God, I feel like you’re being selfish/ and I feel so helpless/
How can I be myself if/ you hate the way I am/
and why would you create me this way/
If I am such a disappointment/ and can't have your anointment/
Makes you word seem incoherent/ senseless and irrelevant/
I feel useless/ like I can’t even use this/ pain to gain/
A relationship with you/ because all I do/ is sin against you/
I hate my life/ and I hate you god/ cause I can’t move forward/
I’m not a coward/ I just won’t be converted/ by your presence/
I’m lonely and desperate/ so I get my comfort/ from another man/
Because you cannot/ deliver that which I desire/ I’m turning away
And if it ends in fire/ so be it/ because this is it/ I’ll take my life/
In the midst of the night/ and watch the pain fade away/
Unless I hear you say/ there is another way/
V2.
Dear god, I know I'm on a righteous path/ but sometimes I find it hard/
These feelings for another man/ I don't feel like I can/
Suppress them much longer/ I’m growing weaker/
So I pray to ya/ to make me stronger/ even tho sometimes I wonder/ y u bother/
And I ponder am I really worth the trouble/ when I fail will I burst the bubble/
Of hope growing in you and my friends/ and if my life I was to end/
Will the pain go as well/ or will I be condemned to hell/
And so I slash my wrist/ and think about the shit/
That they did/ when I was a kid/
Struggling through depression/ I slash as an expression/
Of not self respectin’/ and having a complexion/
Of releasin’ all my hate n anger/ because I am less than tha/
Man I could be/ because of what I had to see/
Because of what they made me do/
God I’m pissed off at you/ yet ill still cry to you/
Dear god, I'm so confused/ Like I’m fighting a losing/
Battle, cause your picking on me/
You create me to be/ something I can't/ then point and laugh/
Like I'm a jackass/ and like you've done a half assed/
Job creating me/ and I'm just a pawn in a game of chess/
And to see/ how many laughs you get/ when I confess/ my gayness/
Lord, I guess/ what I don't get/ is why am I like this/ I can't fight it/
Cause despite it being wrong/ I have no motive/ to let go it/
And I can't show this/ pain to people I know/
Cause I'm afraid my anger will show/
and they will disown/ me as a mate/
And hate on my life decisions/ cause they're built on hate/
But Also visions/ of livin'/ how I want/ without you to confront/
Me on every stunt/ that I pull/ I know your no fool/ but if ignore you/
There’s not much that you can do/
V4
Dear god, I never wanted to take you name in vain/
But this pain/ is unreal/ living a life I feel/
Is leading my astray/ I know you know I’m gay/
But I’m here today/ to confess my guilt/
Of living a life built/ on uneasy thoughts/
Never been taught/ to trust in your/
Love and compassion/ and from the Thrashin’/
Of my child hood/ I never understood/
Why you would let that happen/ I’m angry but that’s why I’m rappin’/
This confession/ cause I know without repentance/
There is no redemption/ and a life sentence/
Of definite damnation/ and I’ve learnt my lesson/
Through these pray sessions/ I’m angry at the direction/
That I was going/ living in sin/ constantly wishin’/
For a earthly fillin’/ forgetting that your healing/
Is all that I was needing/ but lord here I am praying/
and I hear you saying/ that I’m forgiven/
Bridge.
And this is the prayer I pray each day/ with the faith/
You’ll answer with grace/ and deliver me from this place/ x2