The Christian Family #7
Keys to Child-Rearing
Last time, we tried to answer the
question: “What do children owe their
parents?” We identified 3 basic
answers:
1. Obedience, Eph.6:1; Col.3:20;
2. Honor, Eph.6:2; and
3. Trust & Deference (to their wisdom),
Prov.23:22-23.
Great! Now how do you get a toddler
(or a teenager!) to give you these???
Keys to Child-Rearing
First, let’s define a couple of terms:
Parent- The etymology is from the French parere-
to give birth to; it is defined as “one that begets or
brings forth offspring”.
Whereas,
Rear- As a verb, the word means “to erect by
building; construct…to cause to grow…to breed
and raise (an animal) for use or market”.
Despite our current vernacular, I prefer child-rearing to
parenting. Any two knuckleheads of sufficient age
can produce a child, but it takes mature, dedicated,
and preferably bible-based / God-centered adults to
become child-rearers.
Keys to Child-Rearing
Second, the disclaimer:
My advice is just that- advice. I am not formally
trained in this field. My “training,” as is the case
with most everyone, is largely from my parents. I
am not any sort of expert putting “my techniques”
on display as a perfect model. Despite Donna’s
great influence, my young men have had to
overcome my sometimes feeble efforts at child-
rearing.
So from the beginning of this series, we’ve tried to
stress the Bible as our source of “Expert” advice
and guidance in all matters relating to the Family.
Keys to Child-Rearing
Third, Understand the Basis. Child-rearing should be
based on the combination of primarily 3 things:
1. Biblical Directives- what the Bible specifically says
regarding the subject, Eph.6:4; Col.3:20-21; Deut.6;
Proverbs; et al.
2. Biblical Perspectives- keeping the right things in
proper focus, Psalm 127:3-5; Matt.6:19-34.
3. Practical Experience / Common Sense- People
have been using God’s Word and common sense
to raise decent, godly children for thousands of
years without the help of so-called “experts” who
write books or host TV shows. The ability doesn’t
come from academia, it comes from a heart and
mind committed to God and your family. So….
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated
-by “experts” who write books on the subject.
Question: “If you want to write and sell a book on a subject
that has been accomplished fairly well by godly people
with common sense for thousands of years, what should
you write?”
Something “new” and “different” from anything available,
right?
But what if you want to write and sell a book on this
subject after thousands of other books have been
written and sold on the same subject? What do you have
to write then? Still something “new” and “different.”
Now do you see how the “experts” have gotten so far
away from what worked pretty much every time it was
implemented for thousands of years?
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated (cont.)
-by the notion that it is outrageously difficult.
Have you ever felt (or said) something like this: “Raising
children is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do!”?
If so, you’re probably going about it wrong, or at least have
the wrong idea about how it is supposed to work.
For god-centered adults, raising children should be as
natural as producing them- and you didn’t need
“experts” for that.
If we’ve followed God’s plan for becoming a Christian, and
followed His plan for becoming a godly husband and
wife, then we just follow His plan for becoming godly
parents who raise godly children!
Think about it this way….
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #1, Don’t Be Intimidated
-by the notion that it is outrageously difficult. (cont.)
Compare it to “raising” a plant- how do you do that?
Step #1- Prepare the Soil, Matt.13:8 > Eph.5:22-31,33
Step #2- Plant the Seed, Heb.13:4 > Jas.1:21,18
Step #3- Provide Essential Nutrients, Matt.13:8 > 1Pet.2:2
Physical Provision- food, shelter, clothing, protection
Love- parental love, as per the example of God to His
children
Guidance- spiritual, discipline, and common sense
Step #4- Reap the Harvest of Your Labors- in this case,
joyfully watching them as mature, independent, Christian
adults repeat the process with your grandchildren!
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family.
I do not mean to negate having a God-Centered family, I do
mean to negate having a Child(ren)-Centered family.
See if you can spot what’s wrong with this statement:
“In my family, the children come first.”
Unless we went about it backwards, the parents produced the
“family,” not the other way around! God gave Eve to Adam
before He gave them Cain and Abel. Gen.2:18-24 > 4:1-2
The Husband-Wife relationship not only produced the children,
but that relationship also sustains the children- again, not
the other way around.
Making the children the center of the family, usually damages
the husband-wife relationship, and always damages the
children. They do not have to mental maturity to direct the
families’ focus, nor dominate the families’ activities.
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family. (cont.)
Think of the family as a “cell” with a nucleus. The “nucleus” of
the cell is that which directs, determines, and dominates
everything that the cell does.
If that “nucleus” is allowed/made to be the children, you been
unfair to the children by giving them responsibilities they are
not equipped to handle.
When the children become the “center” (nucleus) of the family,
their thoughts, desires, and activities become foremost, and the
husband-wife relationship will suffer, if it is not destroyed.
Ladies, your husband was your first responsibility in the family,
and he still is after children are added, Eph.5:22-24,33b; Titus
2:4. Keep it that way and the children will be fine.
Gentlemen, your wife was your first responsibility in the family,
and she still is after the children are added, Eph.5:25-31;
1Pet.3:7. Keep it that way and the children will be fine.
Keys to Child-Rearing
Key #2, Have a Parent-Centered Family. (cont.)
What are some practical examples of this principle?
While it is certainly important to spend time with children “in their
world,” it is also important that they are taught to realize and
respect “Daddy & Mommy time”- and that they not be allowed
to eliminate or distract the parent’s time and attention paid to
one another.
Don’t allow the children to dominate conversations. Children
need to be allowed to express themselves. They do not need to
be allowed to dominate every conversation. They learn respect
for adults in general by being taught at home that they are not
to interrupt Dad and/or Mom, or speak when it is otherwise
inappropriate.
Just remember this: the children are an important part of the
family, but there was a “family’ before there were children, and
if we do it right, there will be a family after they move out.
Keys to Child-Rearing
Conclusions:
We will address other “Keys” to Child-Rearing in other
lessons, but for now, remember:
Key #1- Don’t be Intimidated, this isn’t rocket
science, it’s making good decisions based on
God’s Word, and then implementing them in your
family.
Key #2- Have a Parent-Centered Family, otherwise
you are going be miserable, and your children are
going to dominate the family to their harm.