MSAND SPONSORS 2009 NOTRE DAMUS V O L U M E V , I S S U E I W E D N E S D A Y F E B 2 5 , 2 0 0 9 STUDENT OUTRAGE: Extra Year Added To Med Course There has been uproar following yesterdays shock announcement that the Notre Dame Med course will be extended to 5 years effec- tive immediately. The decision applies to all current ND students without exemption. MSAND was quick to raise its objections to this outrageous decision but has been told the decision is final. FULL STORY PAGE 4... ALSO IN THIS EDITION: Gossip Girl: Med School Confidential John Flynn Adventures plus Pauline Hanson Nude! Loose Lips Lizzie Leeuwin Challenge Vision Vietnam ...and new stuff -the Page 3 Girl -cartoons -& heaps more! P AGE 2 Greetings from the Editor Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, trans- and multi-gender readers, I’m excited to present you the second coming of Notre Damus. Once again it’s been a bit of a frenzy to get this little puppy out the door, no doubt in a large part due to the extra girth she’s gained again this month. This has gotta be the biggest Notre Damus ever and there’s a pile of stuff that we’ve had to hold over ‘til next time so this issue didn’t collapse under its own weight like some sort of steroid-addled battery hen. VOLUME V, And who do I blame for all this extra content? You. That’s right, ISSUE II I’ve been blown away with the contributions I’ve received from the far-flung corners of the med school. Which makes me all gooey and squishy coz it means Notre Damus is morphing into what it should be – a magazine of the people and for the people but more importantly by the people. So thanks to you all, espe- EDITORIAL TEAM cially seeing as some of you want to remain anonymous. Mike Frood If anyone else wants to throw their hat into the ring – we’ll take ya Barks Orders on, we aint scared! Hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org. Similarly if email@example.com you’ve got a tip-off for Gossip Girl, you can find her at the end of the rainbow at firstname.lastname@example.org or you can slip into Katy Algie Loose Lips Lizzie’s boudoir via email@example.com. Ignores Orders Rather than me crapping on any further, I’ll let you slip into this issue and feast upon the Ania Smialkowski, Gossip Girl, succulent offerings we’ve laid out for you – it’s Pres Runci, Loose Lips Lizzie, Samantha Milford, Uncle Jas chokka block of cracker goodness. So off you Save The Day trot and get reading, I’m heading down to the Notre Damus playroom to get debriefed by the Crissy Norris editorial team of masseuses. Life can’t be all Sorts Out Our Mistakes work and no play afterall… Andrew Dunn - Froody Cyber-dazzles us Staff Member of the Month: It’s an age-old story - Andrew Hohnan, Fintan the guy in charge sits back and gets fat, lazy and giddy with the trappings Andrews, George Stanton, of the office, loses touch with the masses and turns from benevolent Nick Jones, Scott Sargant leader to egomaniacal dictator. The flipside to this is that there’s always Put Out the right-hand man who, from the fat shadow of the king-pin, is actually running the show with far greater prowess. In the theatre of Notre Da- mus, this role is played by Katy Algie - the www.msand.org.au tireless backbone and real brains of the op- eration. While this may be so, Emperor Frood also knows that there comes a point where the more competent underling gets fed up with the inequality and takes power Thanks to Avant for printing by force. So let this be a warning to you Algie - I got my eyes on you woman and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger... NOTRE DAMUS PAGE 3 ‘GIRL’ P AGE 3 This issue sees the exciting introduction of the famous ‘page 3 girl’, a tradition begun by classy tabloids from the UK and an addition so popular with readers that it has been mimicked around the world. Never one to miss a band-wagon, Notre Damus has decided to jump on it. True to our gender equality ethos, our girls may not always technically be females, but we trust you won’t mind. NEWS IN BRIEFS This weeks bunny, Fintan ‘Fun Boy’ Andrews is pleased with the recent Senate block of the Govern- ment’s alco-pops tax thanks ultimately to Family First Senator Steve Fielding. “It really restored my faith in the government. I’d like to thank Stevie... I was just beginning to sober up because my pre-uni savings were drying up. Now thanks to Family Thirst I’m straight off to the bottlo for a sixer of breezers. Mmmm… Hopefully I’ll have some change left over to buy crack so I can maintain my lithe figure. WHY EMO’S DON’T MAKE GOOD DOCTORS Mrs Smith? tOMMy Didn’T make IT. He IS UN- douBtablY Hap- pier NOW tHAT he DOES NOT EXIST…And is FREE from YOUR PERse- cUtion. If you’ve got a suitable pic for a future page 3 girl please send it in to firstname.lastname@example.org and launch some- one’s modelling career. Senders remain anonymous Letters To The Editor P AGE 4 From Crissy Norris (II) Hey Mr Editor! There's an awesome website called www.6minutes.com.au - it's tagline being: 'interesting stuff for doctors today' which I regularly look at. I subscribe to it's newsletter (which does come every day so that can be a little overwhelm- ing) and I wondered if the Notre Damus might be a good forum to tell people about it and share the love… or even bet- ter if maybe there could be a section in the mag that's dedicated to communicating interesting stories or websites/links that people have found, related to medicine or not... Particularly in light of the fact that the mag is distributed electronically… they could be inserted as clickable links?? Ed Says: Nice one Crissy, well now everyone knows and if anyone does have links they want to share, send ‘em in. From Simon Dunn (II) The Fed Govt has developed a scheme that entitles med Class of ’08 Graduation graduates that work rural areas to have their Hecs debt refunded... so if you’re paying yours up front maybe not the smartest idea? Check it out here http:// The class of www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/ ‘08 graduated work-pr-hecs-about. at the end of Froody I didn't even know this thing existed... maybe its just me but if its not then maybe you could tell your last year and friends at MSAND ‘bout it so everyone knows. celebrated Ed says: Onya Simon. Although I find it hard to take you seri- with no less ously after finding you in that compromising position with the than three goat on the Wheatbelt trip, you have actually raised a good point. Thanks. shindigs. They were all a suc- Send your letters to the editor to email@example.com cess thanks to the generous support from the spon- sors whose logos appear below. The three grad events were: - End of Year Aca- demic Function at Kulcha in Freman- tle - Post Elective BBQ and Bowls Afternoon at the Mosman Park Bowls Club - Graduation Lunch at the Royal Freshwater Yacht Club in Claremont News P AGE 5 Junior doctors must not be victims of Budget cuts: AMA -March 19, 2009 The AMA(WA) has warned the Health Department not to make junior doctors the sacrificial lambs in their drive to achieve three percent Budget cuts. “The department thinks it can save millions by depriving junior doctors of overtime, even though they’re expected to remain on the job to ensure patients are properly cared for,” said association President Prof Gary Geelhoed. “It’s a potentially dangerous strategy which we will oppose strenuously by taking all necessary steps to safeguard the interests of these young doctors and the welfare of their patients. “Overtime is often not discretionary but an integral part of necessary patient care.” Prof Geelhoed said junior doctors were already being targeted by hospital administrators who were under pressure to reduce costs. “Just this week we heard of one junior doctor who did 44 hours of unpaid overtime in the last eight weeks,” he said. “This is not only unjust, it is potentially dangerous for patients if the net result is less time spent with their doctors. “Young doctors feel intimidated if they complain and yet many believe they have a responsibility not to compromise patient care by knocking off at the end of their shift if there are unfinished clinical tasks.” Prof Geelhoed said the WA Government was walking on dangerously thin ice if it believed it could prune staff numbers in Health by more than the equivalent of 500 full timers in the next nine months without affecting clinical services and the standard of patient care. “Director General Dr Peter Flett believes natural attrition, reductions in casual and temporary staff levels and less overtime will help achieve the 3 per cent Budget reductions demanded by Treasurer Troy Buswell,” he said. “Yet it has been shown repeatedly that Health is seriously under funded – something the Govern- ment agreed with in Opposition - and Dr Flett’s admission of a $230 million blow out this financial year is further proof that there just isn’t enough money to do the job properly. “Slash and burn is standard procedure for any new Govern- ment in its first year in office; the tragedy will be if this philosophy puts any serious attempt to “fix” health on the back burner yet again.” WA Primary Health Care Research, Evaluation & Development (PHCRED) Conference, a success - November 26, 2008 The University of Notre Dame Australia was a buzz of activity on Saturday 22nd November as over 40 early to mid- career researchers assembled to discuss their latest findings. The event was staged at the University of Notre Dame Aus- tralia, Fremantle. It was fitting that the conference was staged at Fremantle this year as it was 4 years ago that the new graduate entry program began at Fremantle, with the first cohort of graduates from the school of Medicine graduating on 13th December, 2008. Topics were varied and covered a number of interesting, current Primary Health Care issues related to the theme of “Primary Health Care MATTERS!”. Delegates travelled from across the state, as far a field as Al- bany and Margaret River in the south to Geraldton and Broome in the north. Tom Brett, Director of the General Practice and Primary Health Care Research Unit, School of Medicine, University of Notre Dame Australia, Fremantle commented “research into primary health care generally tends to be poorly funded but the PHCRED program, who convenes these annual get-togethers, has been successfully adopted by the three units (UWA, CUCRH & UNDA) and is reflected in the number of attendees at today’s event”. Keynote speaker Lyn Henderson-Yates of Notre Dame University Australia, Broome campus provided an indigenous perspective on primary health care. Practice-based research networks were also a hot topic of discussion as keynote speaker Professor Nick Zwar from the University of New South Wales discussed the need for more research in general practice and primary health care as a whole. Attendees consisted of general practitio- ners, registrars, nurses, medical students, allied health professionals, consumer group representatives, physiotherapists and other health professionals. The Statewide Coordinator for PHCRED Lyn Brun said “this conference provided a great op- portunity for researchers from across the state to share the learning’s gained through this vitally important funding pro- gram”. PHCRED provides fellowships and bursaries resulting from funding of research into key areas for Primary Health Care with an additional focus on rural and indigenous health. Walk Against Want 2009 – Fremantle Walk Against Want started over 40 years ago with the goal of raising awareness of the plight of women in the world's poorest communities. The Walk symbolised the long walk these women take daily to collect clean water. Since its humble beginning hundreds of thousands of people have now taken part in the event, raising millions of dollars for our long-term development work around the world. On Sunday 5th April 2009 the Fremantle Group will host the annual Walk Against Want. The Walk starts at the Princess May Park, (near Clancy's), Adelaide Street, Fremantle, from 9:00am - 10:30am. Walkers will follow the beautiful Swan River, through North Fremantle to Princess May Park. When: Sunday 5th April 2009 9:00am Where: Princess May Park Contact: For more information or to participate in the walk, please contact Rachael at the Fremantle Oxfam Shop on 9336 3111 or Peter Woods on 93393451. The Prez Sez ND FREO GOES GLOBAL! Lots has been happening since our last edition of Notre Da- mus including social events, rural health nights, touch rugby competitions, Clean Up Australia Day and the MED100 Sur- vival night. In the coming weeks we are gearing up for more events such as clinical skills evenings and the family fun and sports day. Of note the survival guide evening was a great opportunity for first year students, especially from interstate, to meet with both staff and later year students to discuss strategies around managing the varied chal- Huge news lenges of studying a post-graduate medical de- gree. The family fun day will also be a great from opportunity for everyone to get together to enjoy some family friendly activities including games, MSAND a BBQ and some inter-year sporting competitions. Looking to further in the year the regis- President tration period for the AMSA conference in Brisbane has closed, so now hopefully James we get lucky in the random ballot and have a good turnout for AMSA 09! particular note is the Runciman Recently of school of medicine to addi-World Health Organisation (WHO) database tion of our the of worldwide medical schools. From 1953 until 2007 the WHO kept a ‘World Di- rectory of Medical Schools’ but recently through collaboration with the University of Copen- hagen established the ‘Avicenna Directory’ of accredited medical and allied health schools. The medical school at Notre Dame, Fremantle, had not been listed on the database and fol- lowing feedback from students MSAND brought this to the attention of the school late last year. It is pleasing to see our school recognized in this forum. The WHO education and training site can be found at http:// www.who.int/hrh/ education/en/ with links to the Avicenna site http://avicenna.ku.dk/ P AGE 6 P AGE 7 FROST BITES: Pearls of Wisdom from the Dean How can a medical student or doctor possibly keep up to date? Once upon a time (but not so very long ago) doctors knew everything! With respect to my forebears, perhaps this really meant was, as there was a lot less to know, it may have been possible. Simpler advances like the cephalosporins, Fab MRI We get to the bottom and statins have all entered the arena in my practicing lifetime. An estimate of 16kg of journals per month on HIV/AIDS demonstrates the futility for any of us to keep up to of things... date across a broad spectrum of medical practice, and highlights the challenges in a narrower area of practice. As I remind students, the plural of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘evidence’, but while good evidence abounds, there is little evidence of benefit (or harm) for many health interventions, and lack of evidence of benefit isn’t nec- essarily evidence of lack of benefit. And as my late es- teemed colleague Anna Donald explained, dealing in ‘wholesale’ evidence (e.g. the mighty Cochrane enter- prise) is too difficult for busy clinicians (and perhaps students as well). What we need is more ‘retail’ sized evidence, and it needs to be available 24/7. I don’t plan to detail the sites where this may be available, nor the ways in which bite-sized chunks of relevant clinical evi- “16kg of journals dence can be obtained to inform clinical decision mak- ing now and into the future. per month on What is needed, in my view, is a lifelong commitment to continuous learning, and I HIV/AIDS want to discuss some of the ways in which this can be achieved. Problem based learn- ing (PBL) provides a wonderful grounding in what can be a serious approach to ongo- demonstrates the ing medical education. Whether these morph later into learning sets, journal clubs, or study groups matters less than that the collaborative discovery methodology remains. futility for any of PBL introduces a way of thinking, and learning, which serves adult learners well. It suits most learning styles, and allows solitary learners to adapt without too much us to keep up to transition. PBL also offers access to the variety of resources needed to learn, and to date across a continue to learn, from textbooks for the always needed background information, to this week’s TOC of the learned journals for the often vital foreground information. broad spectrum PBL also fits well into the concept of learning as personal development , which gener- ates the need for life-long learning as part of who we are, and wish to be. of medical The last point about lifelong learning is the increasing insistence by Colleges, registra- practice” tion boards, accrediting bodies, and the government ( as representative of the people) that continuing medical education (CME), continuing professional development (CPD) or other cognate descriptors is a mandatory element of the right and privilege to con- tinue to practice medicine. In fact, some bodies are proposing recurrent re- accreditation (by peer review or other assessment) of a doctor’s continuing compe- tence in practice. We need to be sure, as we try to do at University, that we are truly assessing those elements of knowledge, skills and behaviours which make a good doc- tor before we launch too fast into this area, but no one can deny that staying up-to- date is a necessary condition of medical proficiency. Think seriously about this - your eminent future depends on it. NOTRE DAMUS Vision Vietnam 08 P AGE 8 Vision Vietnam has been going for several years now and is an annual trip to Viet- nam organised by first and second year Notre Dame medical students. The trip involves extensive fund raising and appeals to obtain medical supplies and basic necessities. At the end of the year, six students from the Notre Dame School of Medicine travel to Vietnam to deliver what they have been able to collect as well as spend two weeks working in HIV and leprosy hospices as well as orphanages and schools. would take a valuable experi- couple of days downtime, the In 2008, I was fortunate ence home with us. VV08 group met at Perth In- enough to be part of the When the stress of exams ternational Airport with lug- VV08 team. Planning for the finally wore off and after a gage and kilos of donations in 2008 trip started early in the year with numerous events raising much needed funds. There were BBQ’s, fun runs and of course who can forget the chocolates. While con- ducting extensive fundraising, the group also made an effort to meet regularly and discuss our goals and objectives of the trip. It was important to us that we could contribute while over in Vietnam but also that we as future doctors Vision Vietnam 08 P AGE 9 donations in tow. Looking phanages. It was a truly slightly dishevelled after hav- eye opening experience ing spent too many months and one that I will not for- inside, we set off on what get any time soon. For me truly was a remarkable ex- the highlight of the trip perience. was a visit to some of the We arrived in Ho Chi Minh remote communities. We after lunch and after negotiat- met people who were ing the traffic and sorting out completely disconnected our accommodation we cele- from the hustle and bustle brated our safe arrival with a of Ho Chi Minh City. We quiet drink or two. We had a played soccer with some busy couple of weeks ahead of the young kids and of us. were fortunate enough to Our first stop was to visit a see them perform a song Convent just out of town that and dance routine for us. provided a lot of support to It was a very special and various charitable organisa- emotional visit. tions around town. We were While we spent a lot of time food, pristine beaches and visiting oddly enough fish sauce. various Overall, VV08 was a fantastic establish- experience. I encourage any- ments, one partaking in VV09 to we also make the most of the experi- bonded ence. I think I speak for the as a entire VV08 team when I say group of that it was the trip of a life- students time (thought I would end on and had a cliché). a lot of fun. We fortunate to be introduced to were able to get up to Hoi - Andrew Hohnen the lovely Sister Mai who An and see the quieter side of Member of VV08 team took us under her wing for Vietnam (as well as get some the rest of our time in Ho tailored Chi Minh. Because of her help clothes fit- we were able to visit a num- ted). To un- ber of special places that we wind and fin- would never have found had ish up the we not been accompanied by trip a few of the lovely Sisters of the con- us also spent vent. a week on Over the next 10 days we the island of visited HIV hospices, leprosy Pho Quoc. hospital facilities, visited The island schools, remote villages, specialised in young mother clinics and or- beautiful sea- John Flynn Adventures P AGE 10 Applications for the indigenous people suffer and allowed me to observe different John Flynn Placement health professionals ideas and Program close this methods of dealing with these Friday, April 3rd. So to inequalities, making all that PPH fire you up for those finally seem worthwhile! I saw medicine medical students last minute applica- would never encounter in Perth tions here’s two ND such as rheumatic and dengue kids who headed bush drew and Clare, who would fever. over the summer - soon become like family to me. There was also plenty of time to They quickly informed me that get to know the Mt. Isa locals George Stanton from milk, fruit and vegetables were in and many 2nd year and Nick severely limited supply since all a beer Jones from 4th year. the roads had been cut off from was con- the floods, which was the first sumed at rain Mt. Isa had seen in two the local years. The rain was amazing, watering when it came it came with a holes, the vengeance, we would wade our Irish, way through puddles up to our Bucks knees in bright yellow Kmart club and raincoats made for far smaller Over- individuals than ourselves. lander. We were basically given free Does every town in the world reign of the hospital so I spent have an Irish pub? my mornings doing the general So as I boarded the plane to fly George Stanton: Mount Isa medicine rounds and then the home I considered what I would I boarded the plane to Mt. Isa afternoons with different special- say to those individuals who had with little idea of what lay ahead. ists. I saw surgeries, showed previously painted Mt. Isa in such Everyone I had mentioned my pregnant women their foetuses a bad light. “Yes it is hot, there destination to had not given me heart beat for the first time are millions of single men, but it the most positive of feedback, (amazing), participated in the is a simply wonderful place with the most common reaction was diabetic and sexual health clinics breath-taking scenery, warm- laughter, while others said it is and made numerous met calls hearted fun loving locals and fas- “so hot you will die”. However while on the intensive care cinating medicine”. everyone had heard of the team. I found the doctors so I cannot wait to return to my mayor of Mt. Isa announcing that keen to teach and all the one-on new home away from home. all ugly women should come to one time meant we the town to find a man. So as learnt a lot very I’m sure you can imagine I was fast. not overly excited. At the The district the boarding gate at Brisbane airport hospital covers has I got my first taste of what the a twenty three per- mayor meant, I was one of only cent indigenous four women on my sixty-seater population and aircraft. As I stepped off the tar- about sixty percent mac I got my first taste of the of our patients heat, boy was it humid! were Aboriginal. When I arrived at the house that This opened my was to be my home for the next eyes to all the two weeks I was greeted by two health and social cheery John Flynn scholars, An- inequalities our John Flynn Adventures P AGE 11 NICK JONES: Wilcannia patient (if needed) Well i am currently on my final via telephone to a John Flynn 200 kms from Broken remote Royal Flying Hill (NSW) in a town, 'where Doctor, decide and implement Flynn, DO To apply go to the tourist board says not to management and complete dis- IT! nothing the Australian stop if travelling through at charge or prepare for possible to lose, College of Rural night'. This town is called Wil- air evacuation of patient with massive & Remote Medi- cannia (pop. 200) and despite the RFDS. It has been a real lit- gains! the bad press and the remote- mus test of my medical training Good Luck cine’s website ness I have a great experience so far and has given me confi- Applying! www.acrrm.or here. The town has a small hos- dence for intern, next year. g.au and follow pital with a 24 hour ED run by For any MED100 or MED200 the links nurses, no Doctors. During a consid- shift I will triage patients, ering of take a history and examine, applying write up patient notes, present for John Leeuwin Ultimate Challenge Voyage P AGE 12 Procrastinating during end of year exams means you spend time conjuring up all the ways you want to spend your free time instead of studying. Like visiting cool exhibitions, drinking cold bevvies in the warm afternoon sun or mak- ing it up to those hundreds of friends and family you have said you would “catch up with soon”. Not to mention re- covering from the post exam extravaganza that is the Festi- vus of Looseness. With those dreams in mind, how does this sound for a post exam sojourn? Cramped sleeping quarters In November last year I, and training ship – and it’s big. with a thermostat of either seven of my Med 100 col- So with a few briefings under freezing or sweltering, not a leagues, along with a group of our belt (what did we need single night of solid sleep, mo- OTs and Physios from Freo briefings for? This was going tion sickness, morning exer- hospital, got the opportunity to be a holiday right?) we set cises at dawn (which is pretty of a lifetime to participate in a off for the wild blue yonder – bloody early in summer), Leeuwin Ultimate Challenge or at least the bit of ocean cleaning duties and helping to Voyage (I should say 8 other between Rottnest and Fre- care for a group of young med students – but Rachel is mantle, for five days and four people with special needs... a watch leader on Leeuwin nights of swashbuckling ad- sounds nothing like the afore- and does this stuff all the venture. mentioned rest and relaxation time). This is a voyage run by Now the sailing part of the right? For me, it turned out the Leeuwin Foundation trip has a romance and adven- to be a dream come true. twice a year when they go to ture all of its own – learning Allow me to explain. a great deal of trouble to or- the names of all of the ropes, ganise for when to heave, how to helm young adults (steer) the ship, climbing the with special rigging, furling sails, keeping needs to night watch, sailing in 25 knot have a go at winds at night in the driving sailing the rain (a truly memorable ex- Leeuwin. perience), learning knots, For those of cleaning the heads (dunnies) you with no and of course getting that all nautical in- important practice at polish- terest at all, ing the brass all over the ship the Leeuwin (who would have thought that is a square the taps on the fire hoses rigger sail would need to be brass). Leeuwin Ultimate Challenge Voyage P AGE 13 quarters and with these guys gave us just a make sure at taste of the effort their par- muster time that ents and carers put in to living none of us had with and looking after them. gone overboard But more than that, it gave us (though Jarrad an amazing lesson in what never tired of they are capable of, where suggesting we all their strengths lie, their enor- looked like we mous capacity for joy and ex- needed a swim at citement and that with that every possible little bit of help, they can chance). We achieve so much for them- played games, selves. But by far the most memora- climbed the masts, flew eggs As far as being a social justice ble part of the trip for me from the highest platforms activity goes, I think we (and I know for most of us) and learnt a little more about helped everyone else on was the opportunity to spend each other with board achieve the time working with and getting every passing goal of helping these to know a very special group challenge. Of guys and girls have a of young people. These kids course, when it great week on the have all had to overcome a came time for the Leeuwin. In terms of range of illnesses and limita- vomiting (from who got more out of tions that make even being on sea-sickness) eve- it, I think we were the ship, let along sailing it, a ryone just lined way ahead. If you get very impressive feat. Our up together – the chance to take friends have autism, down except Monty – part, I highly recom- syndrome, cerebral palsy, who chose the mend grabbing it with learning and behavioural dis- foetal position both hands. orders, various growth ab- instead. - Scott Sargant normalities and some chronic Spending all day and all night diseases to boot. We got to support and encourage them as they took to each new challenge with gusto and they promptly returned the favour when it was our turn. Most of the time, we got to work together to get the job done. This was never more appar- ent than when at 2 in the morning with the aforemen- tioned 25 knot winds and driving rain, our watch of just 8 people had to bring the ship about. Teamwork takes on a whole new meaning. We got to work together, eat to- gether, sleep in the same SCANDAL P AGE 14 POLICE RAID MSAND FOOTY TRAINING In a shock course of events the WA Tactical Response Group raided MSAND footy training at Mann oval on Monday night. The purpose of the raid was a tip off that one of MSANDS own was trading and selling unlicensed guns. Notre Damus has since learned from a reliable source that the ring leader is believed to be none other than Chris “Barry” Donohue. Barry was a noticeable exception at the raid, bringing into questions about police corruption. An eye witness had noticed that the week before Barry was seen flaunting his illegal armoury during a sprints exercise. “It was so scary, there were guns flying every- where, I mean his guns are as big as his head, I Just ran inside” said the frightened onlooker. Police did however commend two MSAND players. Firstly Charlie happily pulled out his UN certified gun li- cence and was able to quickly leave footy training with his shiny AK47’s proudly on display. Secondly, police commended our budding first year ruckman Boony, for having his weapon on mass destruction locked safely away after reports that is was dangerously exposed on O camp. Police also swamped MSAND’s chin up champ, asking him for an autograph and how to improve their power to weight ratio. In further developments, police were questioning Monty “high rider” Lats McGee for unusual behaviour during the raid. Police say that he was seen with his pants above regulation height, believing that he may be hiding weapons. Police have since learned that this is a natural phenomenon and regularly occurs due to the gravita- tional pull of his lats and the absence of any gluteal work at the gym. MSAND’s footy captain Andy “Centre Half Back” Honan was interviewed about the source of the leak to the police. Honan reported that his initial suspicion was the resident big foot Fijian, as his blood pressure climbed excessively high at the time that the police arrived. Honen was relieved to find that this is also a normal phe- nomenon that Nemo uses to get out of any scheduled fitness work. Honen’s suspicions then moved Ed “sides step” Roar, however he decided that between footy training, study in the library and the sheer amount that he talks in PBL, it would not be possible for him to have any time left to be a double agent. Honen now believes that he knows the source of the leak from his ranks. Honen has reported seeing a bald man in bright orange running laps around the oval, intermittently blowing his whistle and throwing the ball in. Honen believes that the rat is none other than our resident umpire Jason Miller. Honen in an exacerbated tone stated “I mean, the man regularly farts in crowded lifts, what else is he capable of?” Honen did however wish to take this media opportunity to thank Katy “Lebracorn” Algie for her regular supply of oranges. He was shocked to hear reports that she might be the source of the leak, fearing that it may jeopardise the teams supply of or- anges at training on Monday nights. Regardless of the results of the police raid, MSAND footy training will continue on Mon- day nights with a new venue soon to be an- nounced due to the end of day light savings. All med players are welcome. If you need any further information, please do not hesitate to e mail firstname.lastname@example.org - Fintan ‘I’m actually just jealous that I don’t have any guns’ Andrews The Team in happier times. Chris ‘Barry’ Donohue is notably absent P AGE 15 RANTINGS FROM A BALD MAN It’s a Punderful world Many would expect an article from me to be a torrent of abuse directed at the sweaty, unwashed masses I share the public transport system with, and believe me it would be easy to do, I could tell you all about the bizarre sex life of Sharon from Armadale, when Barry is getting parole, and the price of Woodstock bourbon in Mandurah. I could also launch into a serious debate on the merits of a shoulder mounted lunch sack (Target $10, fits 2 rolls, 2 apples, banana, protein shake, water bottle, fruit box, change of clothes, 3 textbooks etc) vs. old school lunch box (a busted ass sandwich by Uncle Jas with smashed up cracker on top), but if you don’t know what I’m talking about you deserve to stay weak and undernourished. No, I need to tell you about the craze that is sweeping the corridors of ND35: puns. What are puns you ask? Remember when you brought your friends home for the “He could first time after school, entered what you hoped was an empty house and then saw your dad. Remember that fear, what might he say about you that might destroy that have dropped thin layer of cool you have been establishing with your Bali cornrows and henna tat- you off at too (you said it was real). All is going well until someone says “I’m hungry” and Dad fires back “well lie on the ground and have a roll”. The nervous laughter, confused school in his looks, followed by endlessly mockery from same friends about how “funny your dad underwear, is”. That is a pun. Puns are meant to be shit - if you’ve groaned, you’ve been owned. The more groans, the closer you are to becoming a dad. Your dad won every time pretended that you thought he failed. He is preparing you for the time when you become a parent his car broke and you need to make your children strong through mental and physical torture. He could have dropped you off at school in his underwear, pretended that his car broke down in the down in the bus lane, and got out and worked on the engine but he took the kinder bus lane, and route. got out and Puns keep you thinking, break the tension, and keep you going through the tough times when PBL starts to drag. To hit a winner stay alert, seize the moment, be- worked on the come a dad and hurt your friends. The best puns are contextual and twist around engine but he what was just said into something lame. For example this week’s topic of the G.I.T has been a goldmine of crap puns. Get those puns out there, digest the information took the kinder as it comes to you, and although it may be tough to swallow, go with your gut, if it’s route.” not funny, that’s solid dad gold. AUSTRALIAN HEALTH CARE AMERICAN HEALTH CARE YEAH MATE, YOUR TEST RESULTS HAVE COME BACK, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SEEMS YOU HAVE A GOT A COLD, AY! COLD. Med School What’s Hot – What’s Not FFF (First Friday Friendlies) AMSA Convention – yeow! Man vs. Beast Medical pronunciation Hot Consultants Who said medcest has to be boy & girl? ;-) C5 Ultrasonography Medical Facebook updates CAPS LOCK key Drop GG a line at: email@example.com Gossip Girl has asked some of the hunkiest men around the corridors of ND Med School: What’s the biggest animal you could fight and win? Charlie (II) vs. Unicorn: I love magical Spelling Bee for PBL know it all’s... animals and would never harm them 1. Contracture of hand flexor tendons because they have feelings too. seen in late stage liver disease Winner: Unicorn 2. Excessive watery bowel motions 3. Adrenal medullary tumour Cam (III) vs. Crocodile: I could beat a 4. Rings observed in eye in Wilson’s crocodile if it had its gaydar turned off – disease that way I could sneak up and do my Spelling Bee - Answers surprise attack. 1. Dupuytrens contracture Winner: Cam 2. Diarrhoea 3. Phaeochromocytoma 4. Keiser Fleisher ring Beef (III) vs. Chimpanzee: Do I have to fight nude? Because I don’t want a chimp grabbing at my bits. How the Predator sees the Winner: Beef Medical School...Pow! Rudy (IV) vs. Maltese Terrier: I’m really just a guy who likes big hugs and to cuddle. Though I could definitely smash a Maltese Terrier. Winner: Rudy “Whose hose is this?” – second year female sitting in an inflatable pool with several guys Med School Fintang - Ultrasonography - with Adjunct Associate Clinical Professor Max Cranium, AO, FRAC(Steth) There is no doubt that ultrasonography (US) forms the basis of modern diagnostic medicine and is the only modality of choice for almost all common conditions. Fever Depression Anaemia HIV COPD Dermatitis Hypocalcemia Sinusitis (not hypercalcemia) GIT Polyps GORD Pituitary tumour Climate Change Diabetes Dementia Gossip Girl Serious Article Paracetemol OD SIADH Tuberculosis Crohns disease Hypertension Pneumonia So even though I’m like so ridiculously good looking, and so look after the envionment In fact I find it hard to think of conditions for which ever since daddy bought me a Prius. I’m US is not indicated. But what about the senior gonna share with you Gossip Girls tips to doctor with 20 years medical experience who combat climate change. Because I could implies that US may not be an appropriate never follow that Al Bore chap he was so lame diagnostic modality? I suggest use of the “5A’s and such a bad dresser. model” for evoking change. To help keep the planet cool - leave your fridge door open Ask: about their use of US – if less than To stop rising sea levels - take home a 18/week urgently refer them for a US refresher course. Best to ask in a public forum bucket of water each time you go to the rather than wait for a private conversation beach Assess: their knowledge of medicine – if To help reduce the Chinese carbon superior to yours remind yourself that you are footprint – Chinese people should start a medical student footbinding Advise: your teacher that they should be To stop landfills overflowing - ships following your directions and doing an US contaning cheap clothes and Louis Vuitton Assist: by using the 5A’s model knock-offs should be sent to the Bermuda Arrange: a new placement for yourself triangle It is important that you remind all supervising xoxo GG clinicians that US should be the first and possibly the only diagnostic tool needed. A.Prof Max Cranium “If I was Donna Mak, I’d be throwing dried fruit at you” – an excited pathology lecturer Med School Gossip Girl – MyCareers.com The Elevator An orthopaedic surgeon was Have you got into med school but unsure of running late for an operation and your career path? Follow GG’s easy guide to needed to catch the elevator. He determine what area of medicine is best for arrived just as the doors were closing and you. thrust his head between the doors. They slammed shut on his head but then opened to xoxo GG allow him to enter. As he stood there rubbing his head, which took the full force of the doors, a passenger in the elevator asked “Why didnt you use your hands to open the door?”- “I need my hands to operate you dummy” was the reply. Duck Hunting A medical student, GP, physician, surgeon and a pathologist go duck hunting. The medical student is the first to raise his gun, but unable to tell if the duck is really a duck so he does not shoot. The GP says "Here's a bird", shoots and kills. He concludes "It looked like a duck, sounded like a duck, was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!". Humerus The physician points his gun, but does not shoot. He says "This probable bird certainly looks like Money a female mallard, but I must be sure of what I How do you hide a $20 note am killing before shooting. A juvenile from an orthopaedic surgeon? Mesopotamian sea duck would look exactly - Put it in a textbook. the same!" How do you hide a $20 note from a radiologist? - Put in on the patient. The surgeon says "Look, it flies! Boom", then How do you hide a $20 note from a turns to the pathologist and asks "So, what was gastroenterologist? - You can't. it?". How do you hide a $20 note from a neurosurgeon? - Give it to their child. The Physician A patient complains to his physician: "I went Who am I... to see a surgeon about my ear ache, but all he What do you call someone half asleep, offered was to amputate it!" watching someone half awake being operated on by some half wit? - An anaesthetist The physician shakes his head in disbelief: "Those stupid Orthopaedics surgeons, all they want to do is What do you call 2 orthopaedic surgeons operate! Here take this pill looking at a ECG? - A double blind study three times a day, your ear should fall off in What is the purpose of the heart? - To get two months!" Cephalexin to the bones. Score needed for entry into Orthopaedic training course: Med school average marks (%) + bench press (kg) = 250 “I nailed it!” – first year after theology exam Med School A recent New England Journal of Medicine double randomised placebo controlled regression analysis cohort Cochrane review study found that 109% of all medical students watch medical TV shows. The study also found a positive predictive value of 1563 between what TV show a student watches and their personality. So what does your favourite medical show say about you: ER You entered medicine so that one day you can walk down the corridor, get on one knee and pump the ground with your fist. You may be balding and everyone remembers you from something in 1986. House You attempt to diagnose every patient by Chicago Hope almost killing them then bringing them back You will become a high flying surgeon but to life. You are convinced that “everybody your personal life will most likely be a lies”. Dr Cuddy is a hottie and you will most shambles. Consider staring psychotherapy likely become hooked on prescription pain early as a preventive measure. killers. All Saint’s Nip/Tuck You bear a striking resemblance to Georgie You think all doctors drive Ferraris and hope Parker, very worrying if you’re a guy. to have a string of mistresses. You prefer to Medicine is probably not for you. You will wear brown scrubs. You may end up involved most likely end up working on PlaySchool. in some dodgy dealings. RPA M.A.S.H. You are a PBL know it all and use it as a source You enjoy heavy drinking, and pulling pranks of medical information. You need to expand especially on senior staff. You will end up with your TV watching – try Family Guy or So You a cool nickname like “Eagle-orbit”. Think You Can Dance. Dr Quinn Medicine Woman Medical Emergency You are a total sissy. You need to toughen up You couldn’t get a job at RPA so you work in – drink a big glass of concrete then watch an emergency ward without the glitz and some Chuck Norris movies. glamour. Private Practice Grey’s Anatomy You are destined to be a lower rating spin off You think the only people worth associating of your higher rating colleagues. You soon with are doctors and you will only date other learn ginger hair doesn’t get you everywhere. doctors. You have slept with the majority of your colleagues and can down a bottle of Scrubs tequila, dance around all night and still You have a quirky internal monologue going operate the next day. You have done major on in your head. You are goofy but funny and surgery on yourself. You are often caught at likeable, you will have a hot girlfriend. McDonalds ordering a McDreamy or McSteamy. A/Prof. Max Cranium (Frac-Steth) You’ve been in med school too long when you refer to Kumar, Netter & Murtagh as though they are friends of yours. STUFF... P AGE 20 What Type of Med Student are you? Answer these questions to find out... Q1. What is DNA Gyrase? i) A dance performed by microbiologists in an attempt to attract a mate (NB. In clinical trials, 57 % of subjects required hip replacements, 22% of subjects were arrested and one had to have a bottle surgically removed from an unmentionable anatomical location….. However, ALL successfully managed to find mates which just goes to show that the sexiest thing you can do is have a good time) ii) Part of a satellite navigation system used by James Bond iiii) A bacterial enzyme involved in replication Q2. What is Einthoven’s triangle used for? i) To piss off second years by making their attempts to find the QRS axis needlessly hard ii) To sound cool when attempting to impress non-med people at parties (NB. Does not work. 99% of trials resulted in missing self-respect syndrome when the subject woke the next day) iii) To help drunk post-exam med students find their way home, using only the stars and a piece of string. Q3. Where does one find the crista terminalis? i) At the end of sin, before the altar, on the day your chickens come home to roost. ii) On the branch after the butterfly wings it. iii) In the heart where the smooth endothelium of the embryological sinus venarum intersects with the trabeculated endothelium of the primitive atrium. Answers 1.i) 5pts ii) 3pts iii) 1pt 2.i) 3pts ii) 1pt iii) 5pts 3.i) 3pts ii) 5pts iii) 1pt SCORE: 11-15 Med student type: Clown. PBL survival strategy: Make jokes when you don’t understand things thus changing subject neatly. Then study arse off and the next day pretend you knew the answer all along. Suggested Role Model: Patch Adams. Suggested Career Path: Politician. They have way more fun. SCORE: 8 -11 Med student type: Everyman. PBL survival strategy: Conform. Stay quiet until and unless certain. Smile lots and make others feel good about themselves. Suggested Role Model: You know… that dude… Suggested career path: You’ll do well at anything. SCORE: 3-5 Med student type: Overachiever. PBL Survival strategy: Fuel natural anxiety with coffee and red bull. Use said anxiety to fuel study sessions. Make sure you only attend PBL when exhausted so that you do not irritate others with your desire to answer EVERYTHING. Suggested Role Model: …. No one is really impressive enough for this are they? Legit Pauline Hanson Nude Pic Being the esteemed purveyor of high class journalism that we are here at Notre Da- mus, we were appalled by the shocking sloppiness of Rupert Murdoch’s papers last week running images purporting to be of a young Pauline Hanson nude and in various ‘sensual’ poses. In an attempt to lead by example, Notre Damus has sent out our crack squad of investigative reporters to uncover the truth. An indepth analysis, involving watching Today Tonight, re- vealed the photos in Rupert’s papers were actually fakes. Fur- thermore we were able to track down actual nude photos of Pauline Hanson* which in the name of professionalism we re- produce for you here (above). Rupie-baby take note, Damus is not a misspelling of Dumb-arse and we’ve got you in our sights. *In case the actual redneck politician Hanson feels defamed by this and wants to sue, our lawyers would like to make it clear that it may not actually be you in the photo and that personally we’d rather gouge out our own eyeballs, or even work on LO’s, than see you nude. STUFF... P AGE 21 Gossip Girl’s surgically-removed conjoined- twin Loose-lips Lizzie… shares the goss There seems to be a new second-year super-couple gracing our hallowed halls… the big blonde boy and little blonde girl have been spotted canood- ling on the Esplanade. It’s rumoured they’re auditioning for the remake of the Eighties hit movie ‘Twins’ starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. >>> Looselips has heard rumours that that two 2nd year hyperacheivers have been sharing more than just study notes… Ed Rohr and Rohan Skiba were spotted coming out of the downstairs toilets together - and Rohan's been sporting stubble rash at about the same time Ed’s been sporting a beard?!? Lizzie also heard there was a powerful display of cross-gender equality at Crissy Norris’s 30th Birth- day bash… apparently some ladies were utilising the male urinals - yes we said URINALS - while a gun toting Trent Wilson (II) guarded the door. Trent apparently dropped the ball on the that one though, as a few random punters were treated to a Gold Class view of a shiny white arse. We can’t reveal Sxxxx’s name – but we can testify there was definitely no more than 2 shakes. <<< Lady Killer Lachie Nave from 3rd year was busted sporting ladies shoes at the inaugural Friday Friendlies at Rosie’s. While the look did lengthen his legs and tighten his arse, it did not have the desired effect of preventing his eviction for in- appropriate footwear. We can neither confirm nor deny the presence of a lacy G String under his footy shorts... although Lizze has her suspicions. The PBL mentoring scheme has gotten off to a solid start - however it seems some of the 2nd years are taking it new level... A certain 2nd year repeat offender was seen exiting the Friday ‘super’ Friendlies with a fresh faced first year. It remains to be seen whether this bold new initiative will be formally implemented by the uni- versity administration. There is some evidence to suggest the university might be encouraging staff/student “mentoring” - the prestigious Professor Donna Mak was spotted in the front seat of 2nd Year Andrew Dunn’s Falcon - leaving the Fremantle campus one rainy afternoon at high speeds… Destination unknown. >>> Meet Your Committee - MSAND ’09 P AGE 22 It’s a new year and there’s a new MSAND committee in place (well, not so new now I suppose but hey this is only an issue late and afterall, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys!) So we figured it’d be a good idea to present you with a form guide so you can get to know them and their peculiarities and also what they do for you. JAMES RUNCIMAN MARCEL NEURAUTER ANIA SMIALKOWSKI President Vice President Secretary ‘Knows every single way to ‘Has had his annual whale ‘Knows how to communi- skin a cat’ kill quota increased to cate with bison via sign lan- stimulate economic growth’ guage’ GEORGIA WILLIAMS GABI KRAHENBUHL MEGAN WRATE Treasurer Social Rep Education Rep ‘Is a circus midget’ ‘Can fart the alphabet’ ‘Speaks in tongues’ Meet Your Committee - MSAND ’09 P AGE 23 LIZ CONNOR ANDREW DUNN CHARLIE GALLAGHER Social Justice Rep IT Overlord Rural Rep ‘Once fought off an entire ‘Was the last person exe- ‘Is known to go nude for squadron of VCs with only a cuted in WA’ weeks at a time to cut paper cup and some celery’ down on laundry expenses to make the books balance’ CHANTELLE ROUSS FINTAN ANDREWS ROHEN SKIBA AMSA Rep Sports Rep 2nd Year Rep ‘Once lost her squadron in ‘Works part-time as an El- ‘Once licked a cat from an ambush involving one vis impersonator (from the head to tail to see if it was woman with a paper cup cheeseburger era)’ clean’ and some celery’ Meet Your Committee - MSAND ’09 P AGE 24 SARAH GRAINGER SAM BLAXELL STEPHANIE BISHOP 1st Year Rep 3rd Year Rep 4thYear Rep ‘Performs backyard sex- ‘Is wanted dead or alive’ ‘Danced so hard she’s got change operations’ prosthetic feet’ ALEX SLEEMAN LACHLAN NAVE JEREMY CROKER 1st Year Rep 3rd Year Rep 4thYear Rep ‘Passes out so naked that ‘Nibbled Nobbies Nuts’ ‘Can bend steel with his the RSPCA gets called’ famed stare of lust’ MIKE FROOD Media/PR Rep ‘Is the space cowboy’ www.msand.org.au/committee What The Reps Reckon Words of wisdom from those wise warriors P AGE 25 Sarah & Alex - 1st Year Hi all! Our names are Sarah and Alex and we are the first year reps on the MSAND Committee. Sarah is from Bris-Vegas and chose to move to Perth because she’d heard it was a great place to live (nobody told her shops were closed Sundays and that it’s bloody expensive here…) and Notre Dame University gave off a great vibe! Alex grew up in Perth, but after spending 12 years travelling the world with the Navy, he decided to come back to Perth to complete his studies. We both put our hands up to be a rep because we love being involved, helping to organise, making a difference, and contribut- ing to a community, in this case, you guys! We are both enjoying it so far, and we look forward to getting elbow deep in what matters to us first years! If there is anything we can do to to help out, or anything that you feel the MSAND Com- mittee should be doing, feel free to come and see us for a chat. Rohen - 2nd Year The MSAND 2nd Year Rep job has seen me represent MED200 on a couple of issues so far. The major issue which I’ve been attempting to rectify (without any luck) has been the requirement for us to do Ethics summaries. I will continue to work on the Ethics issue; however I am assured these summaries are beneficial to our ethical understanding. The other issue which we should hopefully have more luck with is hassling staff to get our lecture notes put up on time, not always possible, but is always handy. Now onto the positives which we have achieved; with the considerable help from our Prez, James Runciman and Scott Sargant, we have started the MED100 mentor program, which is running smoothly so far. So a massive thanks to all the fantastic MED200 students which have volunteered their time and effort. All seems to be going not to bad in the world of MED200, however if you want something done or feel something should be improved let me know and I’ll get on the task. Sam - 3rd Year O&G: Public vs Private. The finish line lies ahead for my O&G rotation: 4 weeks at Swan Districts then 4 more at St John of God Subiaco. Two quite different experiences. Swan Districts (the public hospital exhibit in this dramatic compari- son) is almost a country hospital. Half of the patients are wheat belt folk, the other half are midland locals, and the third half are from Kalamunda and the Swan Valley. But the country feel pervades: the atmosphere is old fashioned, relaxed and one storied. Let me get to the point! The five obstetricians at SDH have a collective 125 years O&G experience under their belt, heading towards 200. And with such a great… diversity… of patients, there is an awesome amount to learn out there. Swannies was real and comprehensive. Now, when one says SJOG Subiaco, one must realise this also includes SJOG Murdoch, Hollywood, Mercy, Attadale and Kaleeya. Really the common basis here is the staff – they practice at all these locations, with a vast network of strands gluing them together into a unified private endo-culture. And the staff are VERY highly qualified. Some are leaders in their field, certainly in Australia, sometimes internationally. This adds up to an experi- ence overload. Don’t expect a spare moment to catch up with paperwork. It’s really up to you in this environment to patch together the whole picture, it’s a magic bag that’s as big as you want it to be. So, in my vast unified micro-opinion, public is great for a fantastic view of the whole picture from bottom up and lays down a comprehensive groundwork to learn upon, where as private packs the big guns in superhero clinicians and gives a plethoric view of the many endpoints in the specialty spectrum. Really, I’m just glad I did both. Jeremy & Stephanie - 4th Year Welcome back to uni everyone and a particular welcome to the first years starting Medicine at Notre Dame this year. Jeremy Croker and I are the Fourth Year Representatives for MSAND this year. We have got a very busy year ahead in- cluding the following year specific events: End of Academic Year Function Friday 16th October 2009; Post-Elective Catch-up Thursday 10th Dec 2009; Premier Event ~ The Graduation Lunch Sunday 13th Dec 2009 or Monday 14th Dec 2009 depending on when graduation actually will be. Of course there is also all the usual favourites throughout the year too. Jeremy and I will be organising some educational events to help ease us into being Interns. This will include events relating to salary packaging, financial planning and of course choosing your WA hospital. There are numerous com- mittees that Jeremy and I (along with other MSAND representatives) will be representing you on which include: MSAND (of course); Doctors in Training (DIT); St John of God Oversight Committee (SJOGOC); Post-Graduate Committee of WA (PMCWA) JMO Forum. They have numerous meeting throughout the year, which we will feedback the relevant and pertinent information. If you want an issue raised we will possible be able to table it. We will endeavour to keep you all up to date with events that are going on through out the year. All in all it will be an exiting year. Meet The Press P AGE 26 Professor Donna Mak: Rockstar! Born? Hong Kong virus away from the Fitzroy Valley What were you in your and If you were stuck on a de- former (pre-med) life? infil- sert island what 5 things High school student at Meth- trate would you take with you? odist Ladies College, Clare- peo- Lots of water, food, books, mont, WA ple's books and more books. If you were an animal minds? Last, but not least, who what would it be? A virus What would you turn gay for? That because I would like my ideas makes implies that no one selected for to infiltrate and influence the you a Notre Damus interview is gay. people I come in contact with angry? I think the question should be in the way that viruses get People 'Whom/what would you change incorporated into other or- who don't taken responsibil- your sexual orientation for?' ganisms and replicate them- ity for their actions. selves. What's the best thing I chose this photo because the If you could be any super- about living in Perth? My name Zosha (Polish for Sophie as hero who would you be family, my 7 chooks, my 2 she is Polish chicken) was sug- and what powers would jobs, my house and garden, gested to me by one of the stu- you have? Who needs su- Nedlands library. dents in my first PBL group in perpowers if you can be a What's the worst? Being 2005. Zosha is now deceased. Stephanie Bishop: 4th Year Med Student Born? Natural delivery, but If you were stuck on a de- no hippie crap. sert island what 5 things What were you in your would you take with you? former (pre-med) life? I suppose I better take my hus- An ICU nurse aka "super band, though a hot younger nurse" variety of the male species If you were an animal would be better, especially if he what would it be? I would was adept in massage and like to be a cameleon, so I cleaning. Take note Adam! Sun- could look it two directions for those groovy boots and screen, I freckle and burn at once and change colour to magic lassoo… and the invisible badly. Swiss army pocket knife, match my environment, plus aeroplane. with nail clipper function and have a funky walk. What makes you angry? toothpick; a boat to leave If you could be any super- Idiots! Yes there is such a thing whenever I like, something hero who would you be as a stupid question. along the lines of the grand and what powers would What’s the best thing about yachts you see in Monte Carlo you have? I would have the living in Perth? Leaving it fre- would do; a good book power to learn by osmosis. quently. The beaches are pretty Last, but not least, who Just sitting next to the text- good and I do like a good Sun- would you turn gay for? book on anatomy and physi- day sesh at the OBH. Colin Firth, if he asked me it ology would ensure my What’s the worst? would be a definite yes. I would knowledge. I think I would Having to come back. So far do anything to keep that man have to be Wonder Women from the rest of the world! happy. "Oh Mr Darcy" Meet The Press P AGE 27 Michael McCreery: 3rd Year Med Student Born? 1982 – Gemini What were you in your former (pre-med) life? I was an engineer but my true passion was training racing sparrows If you were an animal what would it be? I’d be a sulphur-crested racing sparrow. It’s proba- bly the fastest of all the sparrows If you could be any su- perhero who would you What’s the best thing A rope be and what powers about living in Perth? A knife would you have? The weather and the space A pig I’d be called the urchin bear, What’s the worst? Some lemon seeds and my power would be to The overpopulation of moun- And David Attenborough hypnotise people with my tain goats in the area Last, but not least, who incredibly mobile shoulders If you were stuck on a de- would you turn gay for? What makes you angry? sert island what 5 things Mr T People who waste cheese would you take with you? David ‘Monty’ Edwardes: 2nd Year Med Student Born? Adelaide, S.A Being 3000km away from What were you in your the South Australian Mur- former (pre-med) life? der Investigation Taskforce. A banker at ANZ What’s the worst? If you were an animal No Farmers Union iced what would it be? coffee One of those small fish that If you were stuck on a swim under the big desert island what 5 sharks...Life would be a things would you take breeze! with you? If you could be any super- A carton of Farmer’s Union hero who would you be iced coffee and what powers would A bucket of Nutella you have? A fishing rod Super-Ted, with Jedi powers, Malcom Douglas’ outback Batman’s car, the Phantom’s survival series Horse and Chris Donohue’s Malcolm Douglas’ dog Lats. Last, but not least, who What makes you angry? have to park my van 8 kilome- would you turn gay for? Underground carparks! They tres away just to get a park. Ghanim Almahbobi never have clearance greater What’s the best thing than 2.5 metres - so I always about living in Perth? Meet The Press P AGE 28 Keith Potent AKA ‘Dr Potent’: 1st Year Med Student Born? 11 minutes quicker would you than my twin… in Brisbane take with What were you in your you? More former (pre-med) life? than just a dia- Animal, vegetable and min- per that's for eral… Field Sampling Officer, sure! Maybe a Sydney Water Corp. surfboard, my If you were an animal yoga pants, what would it be? Lion… cotton buds for because i like African music... cleaning out my a wimmaaweey a wim- ears after a maaweey, in the jungle... surf, my old If you could be any su- faithful pluggers perhero who would you (thongs for non be and what powers -Qlder folk) would you have? Or- and a Wilson gasmo... enough said Volleyball - I What makes you angry? Doctor dunno why either?! Ignorance, disrespect and What’s the worst? Prox- Last, but not least, who cruelty imity to quality surf would you turn gay for? Alan What’s the best thing If you were stuck on a de- Wright because I'm a sucker for about living in Perth? The sert island what 5 things a bloke with a mo Lisa Martin: Defence Force Scholar Tell us about yourself pre any monetary concerns. I don’t Med? Mmm seems so long have to worry about getting a ago. I was living in Canberra job or having to deal with the and was actually studying my wonders of Centerlink, which last degree, but thanks to the is fantastic. I have free medical joys of having actual free time and dental and all my text- I filled it with snow trips, ca- books are also payed for. Hey, fes and numerous road trips as a real example I was able to to Sydney. travel to the Hawaiian islands You’ve taken a defence last year due to this scheme so scholarship, who’d you go you will hear no complaints with and why? I signed the from me. dotted line January last year scholarship appealing? For Where are you planning on with the Air Force. Admit- me the Air Force gave me the working in the future? It tedly I am biased, as I love opportunity to not only work comes down to where I am the Air force I am what is in areas of great need through needed really. I have been told called a “RAAF brat” as my humanitarian endeavours but so far that after I have com- Dad is also enlisted. Other- also get practise in aviation pleted my military training after wise, I love to fly and being medicine and travel the world residency that I will spend a part of that environment as a bonus. minimum of 6 months over- really attracted me. How’s it helped you so far? seas. But back here I could be Why was the defence Seriously they have removed at any of the military bases. Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out P AGE 29 MISSING PERSONS Have you seen this man? Inamul Rahamin Last seen mid-2008 wearing a silly grin and an air of inde- pendence. He is feared to have been abducted and being held against his will. Suspect may be short and / or carry- ing a whip. Suspect may have been aided by the dancing professor. If seen – please call crimestoppers. His mates miss him. Out with the old, in with the new Phew! candy for yas all. You have been warned. Well that And of course we kicked off the page 3 girl was a ride this month, and wasn’t (s)he a looker!! As and a half mentioned, if you’ve got a pic you reckon wasn’t it. could spice up next month’s page 3, send it Told ya this way. she’d Coming up in the next issue, due out May gained some girth. Let’s just hope it was as 6, we’ll be doing a Rural Clinical School good for you as it was for us. special feature, checking in with our class You probably noticed a few changes this of ‘08 as they begin life as an intern, intro- month – we had a few new columns and con- ducing an illicit drug amnesty bin and all tributions; there is now advertising in Notre sorts of other random bits and pieces. Damus and will continue to be so. These ads Hope you’ll be able to join us. are from our sponsors who buff us out pretty Well, back to study I guess, it’s been a hard, so where possible support them if you pleasure procrastinating with you. Until can. next time be good, work hard and deny And spurred on by boy-wonder Andrew everything. Dunn I’ve had a bit of a stab at improving the Oh, and of course the 5 year med thing on visual aesthetics this month but strap your- the cover was just an April Fools Day selves in before next month fires out of the prank – couldn’t let the day pass uncele- blocks coz Dunny’s gonna get funky on our brated! arse and serve up some retina-burning eye Rock on!
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