Having to raise a child these days is one of the biggest responsibilities in someone’s life. Not
only are you taking care of this person financially by providing for everything that the child
need, but you are also shaping the personality and the moral of that child. Whether it’s a parent
or a gradient they have to be reliable and trustworthy, demonstrative caring and attentive, have a
sense of sacrifice and they have to be able to guide the child. They have to be prepared to do all
of those good things that can contribute to the development of a child. But fallowing all those
rules and definition are not going to promise a good relationship with their child. The way that
parents raise their kids may affect the way they are, the way they are reacting to their
surrounding later on or for the rest of their life. Parents should be a model for their kids, it means
that they have to be as good as possible in the eyes of their kids because whether they want it or
not they have a big influence on their children. Each and every single parents have they own way
on raising and educating their kids, and their way of doing it may have good and bad effects.
A lot of authors have written about the relationship that they had with their parents and the
memories that they had from them. They describe the legacy that their parents have left for them
or have teach or shared with them. They are trying to pass that legacy to their own children but
they don’t really know how to because times, people and expectation have changed.
Parents should be able to guide their own kids for their own purpose and prepare them for what
life is going to throw at them. In “for my Indian daughter” Lewis P Johnson, describe how being
the descendent of Native American and because of its cultural background he was emotionally
and physically discriminated against. He exposes his concerns about his daughter who is half
Indian, but who will automatically be considered as Indian. He worried about how she’s going to
handle the part of her that’s Indian. He would like to prepare her for what’s to come, because
when he was a child even as an adult no one really took the time and explain to him how
important it is to know and to be your self. In his article he says: “I would like to prepare her for
what’s to come, take her each step of the way saying, there’s a place to avoid, here’s what I
know about this but much of what’s before her she must go through alone”(p34). No one had
prepared him to face the world, and he can only guide his daughter, by telling her where she’s
from but she’s going to have to know who she really his by herself, and even though Johnson
would have like to take here step by step he knows that he can’t because it’s going to be her
decision to make.
However sometimes parents try to much on trying to find a road for their kids and making the
kids life better than what their life is or use to be. There’s a huge difference between guiding a
child and pushing them beyond their limits. Compare to Lewis P Johnson who only wants to
guide his little daughter, in “Two kinds” the mother depicted by Amy Tan is completely taking
charges of her daughters life. Amy Tan wrote about the this fictional story of an Asian who
immigrated in the United States and who believe that “you could be anything you wanted to be
in America”(p77). She pushed her daughter so far that at the end he just simply refuses to do
anything at all. The mother would often say:” you not the best because you not trying” (p80). In
that Story Amy Tan described how the mother would always expose her to new activities and
would always expect them to be her way and to excel on them. She never took the time to talk to
her and ask her about what she likes and what she wants to do and help her to excel on it.
On the same page we have Raymond Carver who in “My father’s life” talk about the memories
that he had form his father and how he use to be. In his essay he talks about hoe his father use to
be a drunker and how after he got sick he lost everything. Even though his father didn’t realize
this he had strongly influence the life and the decision that Raymond Craver made during his life
later on. In one of his poem dedicated to his father he says: “Father I love you yet how can I say
thank you I who can’t hold my liquor either” (p75). Raymond Carver never had a close
relationship with his father and when he died he realizes that they were a lot that he had to say to
him but he was always pushing it back. He realizes that even though his father was not the ideal
father. His father was some how responsible for the man that he was now.
In “Two kinds” the mothers relationship with the daughter was more difficult then Raymond
Carver relationship with his mother and father. The mother had high expectation on her daughter.
She wanted her to be a “Prodigy”. She introduced her daughter to different kinds of activities
that can lead her on being famous. She enrolled her in a beauty training school, she wanted her to
be a Chinese Shirley Temple and made her toke piano lesson, but Amy was not interested in all
those things because they would always end up in disaster and just simply refuse to do them. She
even told her daughter “Just like you…Not the best because you not trying” (p78). In “Two
Kinds” The mother, Amy is not the best because she’s not trying. She wants the best for her
daughter; she wants her to be famous, rich and a model in the society. Amy doesn’t get it; she
doesn’t understand where her mother is coming from. She just sees it as a new way for her mom
to annoy her. She doesn’t understand that her mom is sacrificing her life, her time her energy and
money on her education. Her mother’s way of doing it, might not have been the best but it was
only for the daughter’s own sake.
Raymond Carver relationship with his father was very different from the daughter in “Two
kinds” relationship with her mother. Raymond Carver’s family was more worried about paying
the next bill and if they were going to keep their job. Between his father’s drinking problem and
the dad switching from job to job, Carver was kind of left in the middle. But when he decided to
become a writer, he’s father immediately showed sign of interest. He’s father said “what are you
going to write about?...Send me what you write.”(p74).Even though his father never pushed him
to think more about his future. Carver found his own path, by himself, and even though his father
was not a big reader, he wanted to guide his son, he wanted him to know that whatever the
decision the he made he was willing to support him.
Compare to the Mother in “Two kinds” mother, Carver’s father didn’t push him all
the time and wanting him to be rich, successful and famous. Carver’s father was so lay back that
he didn’t push his son to do anything at all, only for him to get a decent little job, and all he did
was drinking all the time. Amy’s mother cared too much about her daughter’s future and success
to let herself be in Carver’s dad position. Both author’s parent had different strategies about how
to raise their children. Even though Amy’s mother’s way were a little brutal, but she had the best
kind of parenting. By setting high goal and high expectation for your kids you can expand their
horizon on becoming a better person later. The problem with Amy’s mother style f parenting was
that she went a little over board. She should have known her daughter’s capacity and ask what
she liked and what was her interested. By pushing her, she killed any sense of interest that was
inside Amy. Carver’s father was a really bad example for his son, he was cheating on his wife,
he was dealing with drinking problem and all of those reflect on Raymond Carver. Because later
on, he was also dealing with alcoholism.
Sometimes even when children are guide by their parents, they are torn between what the outside
is telling them and what their parents are teaching them. In “I listen to my parents and I wonder
what they believe” Robert Coles had interview kids from different social and cultural
background and he had ask them what they though about people from different races sharing the
same school. He had found out that child where also in a dilemma between following what their
parent his telling them and what the world is expecting from them. He also tell us how parents
reflect their moral and cultural background on their children and how it affect them. In his article
he ways: “in many homes parent’s established moral assumption mandates priorities. They teach
children what his permissible or is not permissible and why”(p3). Even though parents try their
best to educate their kids base on what they know and their religion. Sometime what they say
does no to match, what the outside world is telling their children and Coles say: “this girl was
torn between her loyalty to her particular background it’s value and assumption, and to a larger
affiliation her membership in the nation the world’ (p8). Parents sometimes forget that children
also take time to analyze what they are telling them.
Even though the parenting styles were different in Amy Tan’s “Two kinds” in Raymond
Carver’s “My fathers life” and In “for my Indian daughter” by Lewis P Johnson they all wanted
good for theirs kids. The mother in “Two Kinds” might have ruined their relationship with her
daughter, but her she had a purpose and it was not in her intention to give up. Even if the styles
are different and the parents have good intention for their children future, it’s up to the kid to
know what he wants to do with his life. By being reiceptil, obedient and grateful children also
have to do their part. They have to trust their parents and let them guide them and the way a
parent manage it is going to bring the best out of the kid.
“Different parenting style and the way it affect a child”
Alexandra Dona Romain
12/01/09
Seminar 126g
Ms Chocos
Second Revision
Sources:
Amy Tan “Two Kinds”
Robert Coles “I listen to my parents and I wonder what they believe”
Lewis P Johnson “For my Indian daughter”
Raymond Carver “My father’s life”