NO CAMP ON TUESDAY
Warning! The following was a real life situation and
does not necessarily represent the views of Camp
Chofetz Chaim or its affiliates.
Dr: Well, tell me when it all started.
Mom: When my youngest child attended Camp Chofetz Chaim. He used to bring
home this newsletter. At first, I would just glance at the upcoming trips. However,
before long I was drawn as if by trance to the nonsensical pages. I just couldn’t get
Dr: What would happen if you didn’t get a newsletter?
Mom: Well, I’m almost embarrassed to say.
Dr. You can tell me. Take it slow.
Mom: I would fall into sadness like I had never experienced before. Nobody
could cheer me up. I began to dream about the newsletter. When I saw my children,
they looked like booklets of paper to me. I tried to stop! I found myself waiting outside
the Moskowitz home for a possible sneak preview of the upcoming edition.
Dr: How long did it take you to seek help?
Mom: After my second stint in the county detention center, I decided it was time.
Can you help me?
Dr: I’m sorry. I was just reading this very intriguing newsletter from a local day
It is hot outside
This week we had to battle the unrelenting heat. It battered the staff and the
campers with no mercy. The heat overtook the Baltimore area with a power that hasn’t
been seen around these parts since sheishes ymei breishes. Parts of the parking lot
melted away. Baking this week was done outside. We made sure that the boys were
properly hydrated by stopping outside activities every twenty minutes for drinks. WE
ARE SERIOUS ABOUT SAFETY, THE CAMPERS SAFETY. Speaking of safety, all
counselors stayed three hours late and were recertified in CPR and first-aid this week.
We would like to thank Dr. Elimelech Goldstein, and all of the Little Annes (10 to be exact) for
taking their time for the course. Also, I am not mochel the mannequin that bit me (Little
Anne # 4). Now ask me if it was safe for counselors to eat the over one hundred
hotdogs and twenty pounds of French fries we made them for supper.
NO CAMP ON TUESDAY
Upper League News
Despite the beautiful camaraderie which is displayed during leagues, doom
looms. It seems that many of the campers are complaining about the amount of ice
pops which they are being paid for their performance. Coaches and upper
management officials including Commissioner Rabbi Katz have vowed not to give in to
the campers’ demands. They claim that the once plethora of ice pops has dwindled,
leaving them to have to forgo raises and even decrease salaries in certain
circumstances. Both sides seem unwilling to budge, or even sit down for talks. A
lockout seems inevitable. This would cause a major upheaval whose ramifications’
would be long lasting. The financial strain on the camp and the ice pop industry could
be devastating. The campers say that they have been quiet for too long and have
forgone raises in the past. They say that the management is acting extremely
unethically. At this point a July 27th deadline has been set before all games will stop. If
this happens we may be in for a long lockout. Many of the campers have been looking
into overseas’ options. “We want to play but we need sufficient support from the
commissioner. NO ICEPOPS? NO PLAY!” Rabbi Katz has had meetings around the
clock, but no solution seems to be in sight. When his office was contacted, he was not
available for comment. When asked what they would do if they couldn’t play, many of
the campers responded “I guess we would go back to school.”
In actual Exotic Bird Upper League news, the first place team is the Chukas
(unlike the Balaks or Pinchases) followed by the Hawks and Ostriches.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G….. WHY’D YOU BRING YOUR PSP?
Why do we have to go over this each summer? Would you send your child to
camp with two hundred dollars in cash each day? Well that is the equivalent of of what
some boys are bringing when they show up with their DS, PSP, Kindle, Ipad, Netbook,
Laptop, Gameboys, X-box etc……..we strongly discourage campers bringing these
devices in. Many boys sit on the side during a group game and enter the world of
digital technology. The office has seen a great spike in carpal tunnel syndrome injuries
this summer. However, thinking back on it, if two hundred dollars cash were to fall into
the pool, it would dry. These games will not. Maybe cash is the better alternative. Wait!
Speaking of cash, I have noticed boys carrying large amounts of cash with them in
camp and on trips. Please discourage this.
TIC-TOC I MADE I MADE A CLOCK
Rabbi Ribiat began making his rounds through the older bunks of camp, and
brought his wood-working prowess along with him. He assisted the campers in building
their own big clocks (well, clocks with gedolim are big clocks).
THE TRUTH ABOUT EMES LEAGUES
This year’s Emes leagues theme is Dr. Seuss books. There’s Mordy Flamm and
Yitzchak Barer’s Cat in the Hat, Rabbi Jaffe and Eli Levine’s Butter Battle Team,
Michael Alt and Eliot Rahbaran’s Green Eggs and Imitation Ham, and finally
Mordechai Tuchman and Yonah Katz’s Thing 2.
The leagues will be fun There will be excitement, middos
Oh! Yes they’ll be Hey, what’s your excuse?
The campers will try hard Not to get psyched for Leagues
And Come home sweaty Themed after Dr. Seuss
NO CAMP ON TUESDAY
Counselor Takes Beating from Melted Ice Pop Juice
While guarding the ice pop safe, a.k.a. the freezer, from fanatical campers,
counselor Ezri Rosen was faced with a challenge. A camper who was begging for an
ice pop somehow had a melted ice pop in his possession. Upon being denied an ice
pop from Ezri, he tore open the plastic and squirted the contents all over Ezri’s shirt.
Ezri thereupon received the Purple (ice pop) Heart in decoration of his brave and bold
Other happenings from this week past
On Tuesday, Bunk Shalom had some “races of relay”. The 1st race was to
walk/run across the gym balancing a tennis ball on a tennis racquet. The next race
involved bare feet and piles of empty shoes. All of the campers removed their shoes
and placed them into their bunk’s pile. On the sound of the whistle, all had to run and
get their shoes and put them on. Bunk Shalom aleph won by a mere 2 seconds. The
final activity was intended to test the strength and teamwork of the campers. This was
a game of Counselors vs. Campers Tug of War. The 35 campers somehow
overpowered the 6 counselors in less than a minute. Counselors will be eating extra
chulent and kishka over Shabbos to see if they could change the result in the coming
On Wednesday, bunks Shalom and Simcha trekked across state borders, and
traveled to the foreign state of Pennsylvania, the home of Codorus State Park (and
Rabbi Berman) for some pontooning fun in the sun. On the way there the bus driver
took the scenic and roller coaster-like route. Some of the boys even thought it was the
Dutch Wonderland trip. Once they got on the boats, the boys had a blast letting the
wind fly through their hair at the neck breaking speed of about 15.3 MPH. Some of
boys were even able to grab the wheel. So when these children become of age, please
remember to log 2 minutes into their driving logs that comes along with their learner’s
permits (Just 59 hours and 58 minutes to go). The boys enjoyed going under the bridge and swerving
side to side until, well, I’ll stop there. On the bus ride back Counselor Dovid Cynamon
entertained everyone with funny songs about Coca-Cola and Pepsi. Even the bus
driver enjoyed it. The bus pulled up to the pool, unloaded, then reloaded right
afterwards with the same campers. Apparently a flash of blue was seen going across
the sky, and a rumble rattled the ears of the lifeguards, which resulted in the temporary
closing of the pool. See above for our imperative on safety.(BOLD LETTERS)
While pontooning, the boys were convinced that they had come upon the Great
Wall of China (the dam at the end of the lake). This, along with the discovery of a dead
fish, which the boys originally thought was just doing the back float, induced a chorus
of joyous reactions. Sender Oppenheimer's reaction was “Whoooooooaa”. A Bunk
Shalom camper stated “Killer Whales are called Killer Whales because they like to be
killed.” Zacky Lerner loved pontooning because he got to steer. Now, when I was a
little boy my parents always told me that it was not polite to steer. Yitzchok Goldman of
Simcha Bais: “If the pontoon motor breaks, I’ll row!” “No Wake Zone” means you must
go to sleep. Aside from in the water near a marina, this sign can be found in Shul
during the Rabbi’s sermon, a yeshiva dorm, and on your living room wall while reading
If you catch the waves of a passing boat you can turn your pontoon into a
seesaw! If you do that very often you can actually re-live lunch.
FUN FUN FUN
Bunk Kavod was seen speeding down Route 40 on Thursday afternoon. They
spent the day go-karting in White Marsh. Most of them survived the ordeal without
crashing, but some were not as successful. They went at a dizzying pace round and
round. I asked a number of the boys after the trip how they enjoyed it. Their smile from
ear to ear was the only answer I needed. Nissin Katz thought the trip was really neat.
Mordechai Krupp the trip was amazing. Moshe Yosef Trenk blames Danny Trestman’s
nudge in the back of his car for costing him first place. Happy Birthday to Dovid and
Reuven whose birthdays were today and tomorrow (hmmm! Were tomorrow?)
Bunks Tzedaka and Chessed went on separate days to Owings Mills to go laser
tagging. They played game after game and were exhausted by the time they finished.
They tried to reach the high score all while lazing their favorite counselor. Ephraim
Rosen said he had an awesome time. Yonah Weisbord had a blast on the trip even
though he had absolutely no idea who he was shooting. He also can’t wait to go on the
next trip. Shmuel Wolf told me that at laser tag he had the mostest bestest timest.
Reuven Meir Nudell had a good time running up and down the various levels of the
arena. Happy Birhtday to Izzy Bogart! In honor of his this special day he had a great
time on the trip. Yitzchak Topper played and played and played mini-golf. Yossi Muller
had so much fun playing lazer tag and golf.
Bunk Emes headed downtown to Port Discovery to enjoy a fun-filled afternoon.
First there was the two hundred story (well almost) jungle gym. Then, there was the
water room where boys could legally (well almost) splash soak each other. Meir Soskil
saw his mummy in the Egyptian room. There was also an indoor soccer field to play
on. The roving exhibit was tinker toys. Cooool!
Baking continues to frustrate those who have a weak lock on their mouth. I was
doing great at trying to cut down on carb in take and then Mrs. Kohn shows up with this
pan of…….I don’t know what they were called but they were good. The boys keep
baking various pastry delights. Someone has got to put an end to it.
WHY DO I LIKE CAMP?
Joshua Bernstein told me that he likes camp trips, baking, playing sports,
swimming, sweating and the wacky prizes at oneg. Yehuda First likes camp because
Counselor Ezri Rosen has an underwater camera. Moshe Shpitsek loves to pretend
that he is a fish when he goes swimming; he even started growing fins and scales.
Shlomo Shaw thinks camp is awesome because we have the pool and trips. He also
likes our brand of band-aids. Shmuel Hoffman likes everything about camp except for
going home. He said he likes his parents; he just doesn’t want camp to end. Elon Feld
thinks camp is fun because of swimming. He also likes his brother Noam. Eitan Rock
likes all sports activities. Meir Soskil likes baking. Meir Soskil loves the waterslide both
on campus and at the pool. Meir Soskil literally loves his learning Rebbi (Rabbi Soskil).
Why so many quotes from this young man? Well, Meir Soskil said because………
UNLOST AND UNFOUND
Lost and found debt continues to rise. Despite desperate attempts to increase
the lost and found supply, little dent if any has been made. What is the lost and found
used for? Why do we need more and more? We here in camp try to be environmentally
correct (green). The power here in camp is supplied by the energy collected from the
combination of odor, gasses and fumes found in the piles of wet moldy clothes stored
in Seven Mile Market bags for long periods of time. The result of this chemical reaction
when properly mixed can emit energy which is volatile enough to power a small third
world country. This technology has been present in camp for many years, but been
kept from the public. Now that the camp is in dire straits, it can’t be hidden any longer.
The lack of lost and found is threatening its very existence. The cause of the shortfall
seems to be directly related to parents waking up and smelling the coffee about lost
and found procedures. They are actually labeling their children’s belongings. They are
acting in such a selfish manner. Yes, they don’t lose their kids’ stuff, but what about the
camp’s existence. Don’t they see what harm they are causing? For years the camp
was able to rely on the absentmindedness of people determined to throw away
perfectly usable clothing, towels, gloves, limbs and a myriad of other items. What
happened to the good old days when parents were irresponsible? All the camp has
now is a measly pile of lost and found that doesn’t even rise above my knee.
The camp has tried to borrow from other organizations but has fallen terribly into
debt. They keep borrowing and borrowing. They are reaching near their debt ceiling. In
order to avoid hitting the debt ceiling we here in camp have installed ceiling fans.
Alternative energy and alternative lost and found resources must be found. Without it
the camp will default and just become another camp on top of the trash heap of camps
who couldn’t keep up with the demand and consumption of the lost and found. Please
stop being responsible! Exploration groups have been sent to various locations to try
and raise the necessary clothing. Counselors have been seen on street corners
begging for various items which could be used to fuel the camp. Stay tuned for more
Please be aware that the Baltimore County D.O.T. has agreed to install speed
cameras in many locations throughout our parking lot. In addition we have signed up to
be a testing site for the newest breakthrough in moving violation technology; Cell
Phone Cameras. This device will take a picture of anyone driving while using a cell
phone and a ticket will be mailed to them.
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, PLEASE DRIVE AT AN ACCEPTABLE SPEED AND DO
NOT TALK ON THE PHONE WHILE IN OUR PARKING LOT! THIS CAN LITERALLY
PUT OUR CAMPERS IN A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION! WE HAVE STAFF
MEMBERS POSTED THROUGHOUT THE PARKING LOT, (SOME MORE VISIBLE THAN OTHERS),
SO PLEASE BE MINDFUL TO THEM, AS THEY ARE TRYING TO KEEP OUR
CAMPERS SAFE. (NOT TRY OUT FOR A SPEED BUMP JOB)
NEXT WEEK’S EVENTS
NO CAMP ON TUESDAY
On Monday July 18th, Bunks Tzedaka, Chessed and Kavod (boys entering
4-6 grades) will be rolling to Pasadena, Md. (on a bus) for some roller skating
fun. PLEASE HAVE YOUR SONS DAVEN AT HOME THAT DAY SO THAT WE
COULD HAVE A FULL LEARNING PERIOD.
On WEDNESDAY, July 20th, Bunk Emes (boys entering 3rd grade) will be
going on one of the most enjoyable and popular trips of the summer. They will be going
stream hiking. What is stream hiking? Your kids will fill you in when they get back. For
a trip like this, the boys will need to bring the following: a pair of long pants, baseball
cap, closed toe shoes (No Sandals! No boots! I personally would not recommend
crocs either, for the stones may go through the holes, which would prove to be
extremely painful. On second thought, I’m not just merely recommending that
they not wear crocs; I’m begging you) a water bottle and a change of clothing
(the boys will get wet). Just as an example; I wear a paint-stained pair of pants
and an old pair of ripped sneakers. No tuxedos please. This is one of my favorite
trips of the summer.
On Wednesday July 20th, Bunk Shalom (boys entering 1st grade) will be
reaching extreme heights while they are at Jump Zone. SOCKS ARE
On Thursday July 21st, Bunk Simcha (boys entering 2nd grade) will also be
reaching extreme heights when they also go to Jump Zone. SOCKS ARE
Mrs. Bogart (Izzy’ mom) is looking for a carpool for the second session (410) 358-4379
Have a GESHMAK Shabbos!
Rabbi (I’m still warming up) Moskowitz
P.S. Please check your email for a letter emailed by Camp. If you did not
get the e-mail, the letter can be viewed at Talmudicalacademy.org.
NO CAMP ON TUESDAY