Parenting in the Pew
P
arenting is a multi-faceted task, to say the least. if families will do the proper preparation the night
e all-star soccer mom likely also serves as before. Clothes should be readied on Saturday night,
part-time teacher, nurse, child psychologist, and families need to get to bed at a decent hour. Our
BOOK REVIEWS: FAMILY/WORSHIP
and organizational specialist. Similarly, dads find family should know that Sunday is a priority so that
themselves showing kids how to wash the car, tie their when the day comes there is joy and expectation in the
shoes, and survive in the kitchen. Parenting is many- air. Finally, “parenting in the pew” means that kids will
sided, and it’s possible for an not merely be quiet at church. We will encourage our
important parenting task to fly kids to participate in the service in a host of ways, an
under the radar of even the most approach that surely means more interruptions for the
conscientious. parent. ese, however, “are gifts of grace that children
bring to a church family” (32) since kids sometimes
So, how are you doing at teaching are the ones most ready to hear the gospel in its holy
your children the joy of worship? simplicity.
If you—like me—have an uneasy
sense that you can do more in this Castleman’s approach is complicated by developments
important area, join me in reading in contemporary culture. In a word, we live in an
Parenting in the Pew by Robbie entertainment-saturated milieu, a development that
Castleman. e book is peppered affects any child who watches television: “’Sesame
with helpful suggestions and real-life illustrations for Street’ saints want to be entertained. ey expect
parents of toddlers to teenagers. I recommend this creativity to hold their attention . . . But worship-as-
book for parents and for those involved in the public entertainment will not accelerate the spiritual growth
worship of the church, especially those who plan the of our children . . . Worship needs to be the one
service and those that do “the long part” (preaching). realm in our culture that refuses to accept the world’s
rough some fairly simple adjustments on the part addiction to be entertained” (55). Castleman takes an
of all of us, worship can be much more meaningful for bold theological position that will affect our approach
kids and adults! to worship in incalculable ways (those who want to
explore this topic more fully should get Marva Dawn’s
Imagine, for a moment, the messages children may Reaching Out Without Dumbing Down, a book I highly
receive on a typical Sunday morning. When children recommend).
have to dress up in their most uncomfortable clothes
to go to church, they may associate being in God’s So, then, “parenting in the pew” really means that the
presence with discomfort. Likewise, if Sunday gospel and the historic worship practices of the church
mornings are particularly stressful for the family, are enough to nurture our kids in the ways of the
with tense and angry words frequently shared, kids kingdom. When our kids are “bored,” the problem rests
may come to associate the Christian assembly with not with what’s happening “out there” but rather with
negative feelings. If kids are constantly told to be quiet our approach to the worship service. As an illustration
and proper, they may come to believe that church of this principle, the concept of a “seekers service” has
attendance is primarily about looking right to others. become somewhat passé in the Christian world. Why?
e church learned the hard way that seekers who
Castleman’s approach to the above difficulties is are told that the gospel is a good coping mechanism
refreshing and realistic. While parents should be often fail to become lay-it-down disciples. Similarly,
careful to avoid clothes that might communicate the church needs to be careful about teaching children
disrespect for God, “children need to help set the that a good worship service is one that entertains, for
agenda for what to wear” (46). Some kids undoubtedly they may grow up to be narcissistic adults who float
will get a charge out of dressing up, while some kids around seeking the “highest spiritual high” out there. If
will want to go casual. Parents should take the time we believe in the adequacy of the Bible and the liturgy
to make sure their kids are comfortable at church. of the church that enacts the biblical drama, we will be
Similarly, Sunday mornings can be much more relaxed more likely to try Castleman’s prescription for training
t Castleman, Robbie. Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children Into the Joy of Worship.
Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993. ISBN 0-8308-1627-5 Book Review — 1
our kids in worship. “listen to this story” works well. It is also helpful
for preachers to be conscious in their use of images
Castleman counsels parents of older infants and young and stories so that they are not merely used for
toddlers to use the nursery when needed. By contrast, entertainment (see above!) but contain the central
nursing infants and older toddlers can often do well thrust or logic of the sermon. Preachers who prepare
in the service about half the time. By the time kids are their sermons with a heart for people of all ages will
BOOK REVIEWS: FAMILY/WORSHIP
three they can be trained to participate in the parts of use stories more than syllogisms, images more than
the service where there is singing, Scripture reading, analysis. is approach works best, of course, for adults
prayers, and the offering. However, “by about the fourth as well as kids.
year of age, children can be in a service of worship for
the entire time” (59). Does Castleman advocate for Parents can make a preacher’s use of stories and images
“children’s church”? Not if it’s entertainment-driven! more effective by asking even the youngest child to
However, “children’s church can be very helpful if it is explain their meaning. An example: “at was a good
designed to train children in worship” (60). Castleman story today in the sermon. What did you learn about
believes that parents—not professionals—are the ones God in the story of the lighthouse?” (101). Parents
best equipped to lead their children into the joy of who intentionally ask such questions will constantly
worship. If kids learn to enjoy “adult church” now, they be amazed by the depth of understanding children
will have a very solid foundation for the future. demonstrate. Often a story or illustration is capable of
multiple meanings so that a child may help an adult to
Parenting in the Pew has so many helpful suggestions learn something new! How exciting!
that it can’t adequately be summarized in a review
of this length. Indeed, she includes chapters devoted Beware, however. If you ask your children questions
exclusively to praise in Scripture and song (6), prayer about the sermon, they may feel comfortable asking
and confession (7), preaching (8), the offering (9), and you questions! For one thing, “there will be phrases
“the holy hug” (10), better known to some traditions or expressions or intimations within a sermon that
as “passing the peace.” In the interest of giving a flavor children will not be able to grasp.” (101). Sometimes
of these chapters, I have chosen to summarize only the it is appropriate to give a brief answer and sometimes
material dealing with parenting during the sermon. the answer must wait for later. Either way, we will keep
is chapter has plenty to cause parents and preachers the conversation going if we respond respectfully. If a
to rethink their respective tasks. question needs to be answered later, ask the child to
remember the question and ask it again after church.
Seminary-trained ministers will appreciate that Some questions, of course, are answered as the sermon
Castleman quotes from Willimon’s book Peculiar progresses: “When you are aware that the child’s
Speech: Preaching to the Baptized: “Why can’t we speak question is being addressed from the pulpit, draw the
to children with as much depth and complexity as child’s attention to this. A quick whisper, with a nod
the Bible uses? With what sort of honesty would we of the head or a poke in the side, can tune a child in
have to speak of our family life if we spoke with the to the sermon just as his question is being answered”
words of the Bible rather than with the language of (102). is has the salutary benefit of teaching a child
sentimentality and trivialization?” (99). By quoting that continued listening is often helpful.
Willimon, Castleman warns against trivializing the
Bible (“dumbing it down,” to use Marva Dawn’s Older kids can be encouraged to listen to the sermon
language) for children. at said, the sermon is “the by having the preacher (note to preachers!) prepare two
long part” that children typically struggle with the or three quiz questions for post-sermon conversation.
most. How do we help them to connect with the word If kids have these questions ahead of time, they will
preached? be prepared to listen for the answers. In all cases, kids
should hear their parents talking about their own
Very young children will benefit from parents personal application of the sermon rather than any
drawing their attention to parts of the sermon that shortcomings the sermon might have had. In so doing,
are illustrative or narrative-based. Preachers can assist we will train our children to be doers—and not merely
parents in this task by using some sort of verbal cue; hearers—of the word. †
t Castleman, Robbie. Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children Into the Joy of Worship.
Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993. ISBN 0-8308-1627-5 Book Review — 2