NORMAN – PAGE 16
CRAIG Graham shut it, or bugger off. Okay, let’s have an appreciative audience here.
Norman make use of the space here.
(Barry returns with a child’s ukulele)
BARRY Okay, what are the chords?
NORMAN I dunno.
BARRY Well how does it go? Do you know how the tune goes?
NORMAN Well, it goes...sort of, like: “Smooth Operator...smooth operator...”
BARRY Is that all? Something about a bridge?
NORMAN There’s some other words, but I can’t remember them.
GAVIN Look, is this really necessary? It’s only to give us an idea.
CRAIG Yeah OK. Barry, just play some chords.
NORMAN But it’s all worked out to that song.
BARRY Look Norman, you sing the words and I’ll improvise.
NORMAN Alright, alright. But it’s not ideal!
(NORMAN steps back to make an entrance)
GRAHAM This is gonna be something!
CRAIG When you’re ready Barry.
(BARRY begins to vigorously strum the chords of a rock song. NORMAN enters, awkwardly moving to the
music and singing “Smooth Operator.”)
NORMAN Stop -stop! It’s not right. It’s not how I had it with the tape.
CRAIG What’s the problem?
NORMAN I need a strong beat.
GAVIN What about this?
(GAVIN taps a rhythm out on table)
CRAIG All right, let’s take it from the top. 1,2... 1, 2, 3, 4...
(BARRY begins to strum. GAVIN keeps the beat on the table top. Enter NORMAN. Bike pump, plays it up
while inflating balloon down shorts, striding around, wriggling and posing etc.)
NORMAN – PAGE 17
CRAIG Okay! Stop! Stop!
NORMAN What’s wrong?
CRAIG It’s good, it’s good, but... ah... In a word Norman you’re stripping like a bird.
NORMAN (Losing his temper) That’s it! If all I’m going to get is... n-negative and and
CRAIG Steady on Norman, it’s not a personal attack.
GAVIN Look what you’ve done now! You’ve upset him!
CRAIG Well I’ve gotta be able to talk to you don’t I?
GAVIN You’re whole style is aggressive!
CRAIG Shut up!
GRAHAM Well it was working for me. Got me quite aroused.
CRAIG (Sharply) Look Graham, out. Just go!
GRAHAM You’re asking me to leave? (Gets up) Alright then. Fine. (He starts to go to the door,
turns) But I just want to let you know this is real sicko territory guys. Really weird,
CRAIG Thanks for your thoughts Graham. See you later down at the pub. Norman.
GRAHAM You don’t really think some Bozo’s gonna hire you?
CRAIG Don’t worry about that. A certain interest in these boys has already been expressed.
GAVIN What’s this Craig?
CRAIG I’ve got us an audition.
GRAHAM Oh yeah, who wants ya? The CWA?
CRAIG I put out the feelers and the water is warm. This thing’s gonna happen, don’t you
worry about that.
GRAHAM Come on Barry, enough’s enough? Drop all this crap and have a beer with me.
BARRY Who’s giving us this audition?
CRAIG Bernie... He runs the local club. He’s a shrewd judge of character. I’ve organised it for
GAVIN Wednesday night?