The Great Brain Robbery

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					  Friday                                                                                                                                                                               The Independent
  April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                                     Cambridge Student
  Issue 600!                                                                                                                                                                               Newspaper -                                                                                                                                                                       for 600 issues

                                            CLASSICAL MUSIC                                  BIRTHDAY MADNESS!                                          OPINION

                                      Not Dead Yet                                             600 Today                                 Why I voted for fees
                                  The future of grown-up tunes                              (Not years, obviously)                              Anne Campbell hits back
                                                 Page 17                                              Page 6                                              Page 11

The Great Brain Robbery

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Andrew Sims
Charlotte Forbes                                                                       graphical work. This would also                                                     Cambridge loses this element of its
Archie Bland                                                                           mean that any work done using uni-                                                  attraction to academics, it could
                                                                                       versity equipment, including, for                                                   potentially harm student interests. He
                                                                                       instance, web-pages authored on a                                                   said that this would be a particular
                                                                                       university-subsidised      computer,                                                issue for scientific departments, as
A dispute over ‘greedy’ intellectual                                                   would no longer be the property of                                                  people would be more likely to take
property regulations has placed                                                        the author.                                                                         their research to universities with more
Cambridge academics and universi-                                                         Academics have argued that this                                                  liberal IP regulations, such as
ty authorities at loggerheads. New                                                     takes away one of their main fringe                                                 Stanford. This could conceivably leave
university ownership proposals have                                                    benefits, as many rely on the sale of                                               the department depleted of staff. The
been castigated as amongst the                                                         their work to supplement their                                                      university, however, denies any harm
“most repressive” of their kind in                                                     income, which can bring in an addi-                                                 will be caused to students and said that
                                                     Report author Bill Cornish                                                         Anderson may move on
British universities.                                                                  tional £5,000-£10,000 per year.                                                     the measures are being considered
   A recently unveiled report, conduct-                                                Concerns have been raised that this                                                 simply “to bring the university into
ed by Prof. Bill Cornish, head of the         departure would be another severe        could pave the way for future taxes       receive a third of the revenue. The       line with others to ensure effective
university’s Intellectual Property Unit,      blow to the unversity’s reputation,      on additional consulting income.          lack of control over sale of work has     commercialisation of research results”.
has proposed an expansion in the uni-         following a trend of academics mov-      This follows precedents set by uni-       raised some serious ethical issues, as    They denied that the move was about
versity’s hold on legal rights to             ing abroad for improved pay. He also     versities such as York and Glasgow        academics would have no control over      “seizing ideas or property”. Professor
research findings, meaning that in            told Varsity that the measures would     whereby up to 50% of outside              who bought their research. The pro-       Cornish was unavailable for comment.
future academics could lose their right       “certainly be a factor” in other aca-    income earned by academics is             posals do suggest ‘consultation’ with         These latest proposals are to be
to patent or sell their inventions.           demics’ decisions on where to con-       handed over to the university.            the individual concerned before           discussed at a meeting in Regent
   Ross Anderson, Professor of                duct their research. Intellectual           The dispute began in 2001, but it      rights are sold. This suggestion has      House on the 11th May, which
Security      Engineering at the              Property Rights (IPR) are generally      was not until 2002 that further pro-      been dismissed as “not strong             Professor Anderson described as “the
Computer Science Department, is               most valuable in Anderson’s comput-      posals, according to which all tenured    enough” by Anderson, who points out       latest battle in a long drawn-out war”.
heading a campaign against the pro-           er science department. As this is one    academic staff would lose IPR,            that one such consultation has already    It is likely that the university will take
posals. He told Varsity that the meas-        of the university’s most profitable      caused outrage within and beyond the      ended in the relevant academic’s          note of opinions raised at the meet-
ures have made him consider his               sectors, the potential consequences of   academic community. Under such            objections being ignored.                 ing, as it did in 2002 when a commit-
future at Cambridge, and that the             a ‘brain drain’ to universities with a   reforms the university would be able         This decision has led to predictions   tee was established to investigate the
likelihood of his departure has been          more liberal IPR regime are grave.       to assume full rights to staff ’s work,   that the close and profitable relation-   matter. But Anderson was not opti-
“significantly increased”.          Prof.       Whilst the university has conced-      thus preventing them from control-        ship between the university and high-     mistic about the prospects of compro-
Anderson, who topped Varsity’s                ed basic copyright to authors, aca-      ling the use and sale of their inven-     tech companies, otherwise known as        mise: “They won’t stop at this,” he
Cambridge Power100, is a leading              demics stand to lose rights to trade-    tions. For anything worth over            ‘Silicon Fen’, is doomed. Professor       said. “It’s not going to go away.”
computer security expert and his              marks, sound recordings and typo-        £100,000, academics only stand to         Anderson told Varsity that if

                           The region’s best guide to what’s on – see next Thursday’s Cambridge Evening News
                   02 NEWS         April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                           

                   Corpus Christi set for major makeover
                   Master praises generosity of Old Members and sets ambitious target for project completion

                   Sarah Marsh                                construction        project       within     Corpus Bursar revealed that the project     Room and Media Centre are envisaged,         now the “£5m fund raising campaign
                                                              Cambridge city centre.                       will be “the largest and most important     where students can work either individ-      for the new Student Library is close to
                                                                Corpus Christi is one of the oldest        development the College has undertak-       ually or in groups. The new Student          completion, due to the exceptional gen-
                   Major developments are soon to             and smallest colleges in the University.     en within its old site for many decades”.   Library will be accessible from the cur-     erosity of Old Members. The architects
                   change the face of Corpus Christi,         Situated in the heart of medieval            The last major developments were the        rently neglected Hostel Yard, provision-     are now working with the college to
                   modernising and enhancing student          Cambridge, it has occupied the same          construction of New Court in the 1820s      ally renamed as the Library Court.           complete the designs. Building will start
                   facilities. Costing in excess of £5 mil-   buildings since the 1380s. Next year, a      and the Butler Library in the 1920s.        Within the Library Court and adjacent        in March 2005 and, if all goes well, we
                   lion and depicted in extensive plans       massive project will begin to build a stu-      The new library for Corpus’ 400          buildings, a new Student Centre will be      will open the library in October 2006 in
                   on the college website, the planned        dent centre, library court, conservation     students and its fellows will be located    created.                                     time for the Michaelmas Term.” The
                   construction is bigger than any other      centre and state-of-the-art library. The     in the reclaimed stately Victorian             Social facilities at Corpus have long     various constructions will be coordinat-
                                                                                                           building, which currently houses            been a subject of controversy between        ed in order to minimise disruption to
                                                                                                           Natwest bank. Current plans for this        the Fellows and students. In particular,     academic life.
                                                                                                           spacious property include the replace-      the college bar hours have continuously         Two other projects are simultane-
Andrew Gillespie

                                                                                                           ment of the existing entrance door to       been reduced due its awkward location        ously ongoing: the refurbishment of
                                                                                                           the bank from King’s Parade with a          in the centre of College and subsequent      the Parker Library and the creation of
                                                                                                           bold stained-glass window.                  complaints of noise disturbance. The         a Conservation Centre, which will
                                                                                                              The Bursar, Dr Nigel Yandell, admit-     blank space following the caption “The       benefit from this surge of develop-
                                                                                                           ted to Varsity, “although the current       Next 10 events” on the Corpus JCR            ment. The Parker Library will expand
                                                                                                           Butler Library has served the college       webpage is telling. But the planned          into space currently housing the
                                                                                                           well, providing a much appreciated          makeover proposes to create an expand-       Butler Library and part of the ground
                                                                                                           atmosphere for students to work in, it is   ed College Bar and other rooms cater-        floor will be developed into a secure
                                                                                                           also one of the smallest libraries in       ing for various events and student par-      vault and office space for the library
                                                                                                           Cambridge, and we are simply out-           ties, whilst the ground floor will provide   staff. The ultimate goal is to increase
                                                                                                           growing the space.” The new library will    space for the new JCR. A first year lin-     public access to this internationally
                                                                                                           be about twice the size of the Butler       guist at Corpus enthused: “it will be        renowned library. The increased
                                                                                                           Library, spread over three floors.          fantastic to have separate areas in which    number of exhibitions demonstrates
                                                                                                              The book stock will eventually           to eat, read and chat. Perhaps our bar       this, since the appointment of a new
                                                                                                           increase from 28,000 to 60,000 books,       will change from being the village pub       librarian. The conservation centre
                                                                                                           but the real revolution will be the         to a more functional student space”          will be built within the grounds of the
                                                                                                           change from a traditional studying             The project has been waiting for sev-     Master’s Lodge, dedicated to preserv-
                                                                                                           environment to state-of-the-art e-          eral years, and funding has been a con-      ing Corpus’ valuable collection of
                                                                                                           learning opportunities, and a wireless      troversial issue. But the Master,            medieval manuscripts, and early
                   Corpus’ historic front door will survive the proposed redevelopment                     network provision. Both a Project           Professor Haroon Ahmed, says that            printed books.

                   Supervison report brings mixed results
                   CUSU survey reveals differences across ethnic backgrounds, gender and subject

                   Aisleigh Sawyer                            indicate that some students do expe-         needed to survey the identified             mendations. Ben Brinded added that           the strengths and weaknesses of their
                                                              rience cases of poor teaching. Female        trends more closely. Over 110 indi-         the University has “embraced the             supervisions, as well as their position
                                                              students and students from certain           vidual comments were made by stu-           need for mandatory supervisor train-         in relation to other colleges. It is
                   The results of CUSU’s Quality of           ethnic minority backgrounds fre-             dents that directly refer to a variation    ing and has recognized that it was           hoped that with CUSU’s guidance
                   Supervisions Survey, the biggest           quently reported less positive experi-       in quality and experience. Some stu-        CUSU’s survey that led to this”.             each college JCR will compile a list
                   such survey ever undertaken, were          ences. There are also some cases             dents remarked that they did not feel         The CUSU report does not                   of recommendations suited to their
                   published this week. The report            where students with disabilities feel        that all of their teaching met the          include information relating to the          particular needs, and that in consul-
                   indicated that supervisions were           more effort could be made to enable          required standards and that there           quality of supervisions in individual        tation with their Senior Tutor any
                   highly valued among students, but          them to get the most out of supervi-         exists great inequality in the standard     colleges. Each college will shortly          problems can be rectified.
                   also that this attitude varied             sions.                                       of teaching across the colleges. With       receive an individual report detailing
                   according to subject, and to the eth-         The report finds that female stu-         the perception being that the quality
                   nic background and sex of the stu-         dents and students from some ethnic          of supervision teaching is an integral
                   dent.                                      minorities are less likely to know           factor in deciding academic success,
                      The supervision system remains a        what is expected of them in supervi-         these students have right to be con-
                   cornerstone of the Cambridge educa-        sions, more likely to report that they       cerned. 32% of respondents found
                   tion system, but is also the subject of    struggle with their workload, and less       that they “sometimes or always strug-
                   scrutiny. Questions have been raised       likely to contribute in supervisions.        gle” with the work set by supervisors.
                   about the “resource-heavy” nature of       They are more likely to find that               The report principally recom-
                   the system. Oxford University              other students and supervisors make          mends that there should be manda-
                   recently announced a move away             it difficult for them to contribute. In      tory supervisor training for all
                   from one-on-one tutorials in certain       addition, black students, Chinese            College and University Teaching
                   subjects, with more of an emphasis         students and those from a mixed              Officers. It also suggests that student
                   on class teaching. The Quality                                                          feedback mechanisms should be
                   Assurance      Audit      (QAA)      of       The supervision system is                 improved. Among the report’s other
                   Cambridge University commended               the distinctive feature that               recommendations are that numbers
                   the supervision system, but insisted                                                    in supervisions should be kept, where
                   that supervisions be kept under ‘close         marks Cambridge apart                    possible, to below four, that there
                   review’ due to some variability in             from other universities.                 should be an indication of a reason-
                   quality.                                                                                able amount of work set and that
                      The CUSU online supervisions            background are less likely to find           students should be given guidance as
                   survey, conducted during Lent term,        their questions answered well. One           to what is expected of them.
                   received 1085 responses (roughly           female student told Varsity: “The               Ben Brinded, CUSU President,
                   10% of the undergraduate popula-           supervision system is what makes             said: “The Quality of Supervisions
                   tion). Its main aim was to discover        Cambridge unique but I think it gen-         Report is just one part of CUSU’s
                   general perceptions, but also to           erally suits boys better than girls.”        ongoing work to enrich the educa-
                   investigate whether factors such as           Jessica Childs, CUSU Academic             tion that Cambridge students
                   school background, gender, ethnicity,      Affairs Officer, commented, “The             receive. We hope that this Report
                   disability and subject affected stu-       Quality of Supervisions Report out-          will have a significant influence
                   dent’s experience of supervisions.         lines the strengths of the supervision       within the University and Colleges.”
                   The results show that the majority of      system and is evidence of why it is             After attending a meeting of the
                   students find supervisions an excel-       important that it remains a central          University’s Education Committee
                   lent form of teaching. This confirms       part of Cambridge’s education provi-         on Wednesday to discuss CUSU’s
                   that whilst the supervision system is      sion. However, the University, the           Report, Jessica Childs told Varsity
                   resource-intensive, it is the distinc-     colleges and CUSU must strive to             that both of the University’s main
                   tive feature that marks Cambridge          ensure that all students have a con-         education committees, the Senor
                   apart from other universities in first-    sistently positive supervision experi-       Tutor’s     Committee        and     the
                   class teaching.                            ence.”                                       University Education Committee,
                      However, the report’s findings             Separate investigations may be            have endorsed the Report’s recom-
                                                                                                                                                       Heavy books and bulky jackets can make supervisions awkward for girls
                                                                                                                NEWS                                                                                               April 30, 2004   03
Knife scare at Pembroke
Bryan Coll                                              Skepper of Cambridgeshire Constabulary was
                                                        unable to confirm that any charges had been made.
                                                           Pembroke Senior Tutor Dr. Mark Wormald said
Pembroke College faced strong criticism over its        the incident had been “distressing” for students and
security today, after police arrested an intruder       that college authorities were reviewing present
who broke into student accommodation early              security measures in light of the break-in. He told
yesterday morning. Brandishing what police              Varsity that the college had “always been unhappy”
described as a “12-inch kitchen knife,” the male        with the positioning of the lamppost beside the
intruder scaled a lamppost and made his way over        low wall on Tennis Court Road, which the intrud-
a wall before entering the college’s Foundress          er used to gain entry to Foundress Court. He
Court on Tennis Court Road. A CCTV camera               hoped that Cambridge City Council would now
monitors the entrance, but no security staff were       reconsider the location of the lamppost after the
on duty at the time.                                    break-in.
   Residents of Foundress Court were woken up at           Students at the college have been unhappy with
around 5am on Thursday morning by a man bang-           security arrangements for some time. One graduate
ing on the doors of student rooms. The individual       student told Varsity that security at the college was
warned students that there was an intruder armed        “particularly lax”. “There are no locks on staircase
with a knife in the building. This individual, who      doors and entry to the college is very easy – the
was not a college member and identified himself         door on Pembroke Street can just be pushed open
only as ‘Gary’, had apparently followed the intruder    any time of the day.” Earlier this week, a bedder on
from the street into the college grounds. Students      the college’s S staircase discovered a vagrant sleep-
were, understandably, extremely frightened at the       ing there. Apparently, he had been residing in the
news. One resident told Varsity: “Everyone was real-    staircase for several days and his presence had gone
ly freaked out. Some people hid themselves in their     unnoticed. Despite these incidents, Dr. Wormald
room and were afraid to come out.”                      claimed that break-ins and burglaries at the college
   After gaining access to the college, the intruder    were rare. “In my twelve years as Senior Tutor,
entered Foundress Court and began to scream             there has never before been an incident of this
loudly, wandering aimlessly around the accommo-         kind”, he stated.
dation. Police believe he acquired a large knife           Pembroke JCR President Iva Gaberova was
from a kitchen in the building. It is unclear           relieved that the incident passed off without injury
whether he intended to cause harm with the              to any students. “We are pleased to say that every-
implement. The reaction of students was one of          one is OK after last night’s disruption. We are
panic and disbelief. “I expect to feel safe in my own   working with the college to prevent future inci-
room”, commented one student. “I just can’t believe     dents of this nature,” she said.
this happened so easily”. Two female students              In an email sent to all college members, Dr.
promptly called the police, who arrived on the          Wormald advised students and staff to be vigilant.
scene at approximately 5.45am. Police discovered        The message reads: “An incident in college last
the intruder in a bathroom and were forced to           night prompts this reminder: always remember to
restrain him. He was arrested on the scene and          lock the door to your room whenever you are out,
transported to Parkside police station for question-    and when you go to sleep. The police advice is to
ing. At the time of going to press, Inspector           be aware but not afraid.”
04 NEWS         April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                     

Young, posh and overcharged
More than a third of university students nationwide live on less than £40 a week, but not in Cambridge

Gabriella Jozwiak                              The majority of participants in         an average weekly rent of £74.51 per      Where’s it all going to end?”              is not a possibility for full-time
                                            Varsity’s own survey, claimed they         week     (Accommodation         Costs        The THES also found that two-           Cambridge students, who are
                                            spent more than £40 per week, usu-         Survey), compared to the Cambridge        fifths of students said they needed a      obliged to keep full-term. However,
A survey by the Times Higher                ally between £50 and £60. “It              average of £73.10. This is far higher     part-time job to boost their income.       only 9% of students surveyed said
Educational Supplement has found            depends on the term” one student           than the average for the East Anglia      Such opportunities are hard to come        day-to-day financial worries were
that more than a third of university        pointed out, “for example, I’m             region, which stands at £54.37.           by in Cambridge, with students             their biggest concern, while 29%
students nationwide live on less            spending a lot less at the moment,         Unfortunately,     the    price    of     rarely having time to spare, other         claimed they worried most about
than £40 a week. The survey also            but I suppose last term it must have       Cambridge life is rising. Ben             than the occasional library or bar         academic success. The fact that only
discovered that one in ten survive          been higher.” The fact that food and       Brinded commented, “In the last           shift, or scientific research experi-      38% of UK students worry about
on an average of just £9.50 per week        accommodation go on college bills          four years the rents rose by 6% per       ment. Nationally, a quarter of stu-        money or their degree, begs the
after paying accommodation costs.           means the average Cambridge stu-           year. This year it has risen by 9%        dents are currently living at home, as     question; what on earth are the other
Varsity investigates how Cambridge          dent is actually spending much             with no sign of this stopping.            it is the cheaper option. Again, this      62% thinking about?
students compare.                           more. If the average UK student has
   The average expenditure per week         £40 for food and clothes after rent,
per student, as calculated by the           Cambridge students have £50 and
Cambridge Admissions Office,                upwards after these costs.
claims that studying and living in             A large number of students did
Cambridge costs students an average         admit to a greater level of expendi-
of £180 per week. This figure               ture. Smokers pushed the figure up
includes rent, fixed kitchen charge,        to about £80 per week while others
network connection and telephone            admitted to £150 or more. Such
bill, and leaves about £50 extra per        spending power is available to only
week after these costs. Only slightly       11% of the UK’s students. One
above the national average of £40           Downing student confessed, “It’s
after paying bills, this sum is divided     shopping. I like to buy shoes”. There
between clothes and toiletries              was, unsurprisingly, significant dif-
(£6.93), books and stationary (£6.60)       ferences between those who drank
and about £32 for entertainment,            regularly and the more restrained.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Varsity Archive
allowing for “one formal hall, one             The hidden costs of living in
cinema visit and two trips to a coffee      Cambridge further reveal how we
shop/pub a week.” The £40 figure is         spend much more than our counter-
divided differently by The National         parts at other UK universities.
Union of Students (NUS), as £28 per         Overall, Cambridge is an unusually
week on food and household shop-            expensive place to live. London, the
ping, and £10.80 on clothing.               most expensive region in the UK, has

Lord Winston on God                                                                                         elections...
                                                                                                            learn about yourself, help over 2500 members, meet
                                                                                                            influential people, free dinners, get the inside track
                                                                                                            to your future, organise large events, work with large
                                                                                                            budgets, raise expectations... join our committee :)
                                                                                                            more info:
                                                                                                            positions... (elections are for michelmas 2004 only)
                                                                                                            president* - co-ordinates and directs the society / vice-president* - plans & manages
                                                                                                            events calendar / treasurer* - negotiates and manages our substantical finances /
                                                                                                            secretary* - ensures efficient internal communication / major events* - works
                                                                                                            on the internships fair and other major events / operations team (x4) - liase with
                                                                                                            organisations, negotiate events / marketing team (x3) - produce advertising (like
                                                                                                            this), distribution and awareness / technology team (x2) - develop and enhance web
                                                                                                            & mail communications / open portfolio* (x2) - promote an agenda within personal
Last Monday renowned academic and TV per-             annual lecture, sponsored by Steven Spielberg’s
sonality, Professor Lord Winston, delivered the       Righteous Persons Foundation, is devoted to all       development / * denotes a manifesto is required, e-mail to
seventh annual Yerushah Lecture in                    aspects of Jewish heritage. Previous lecturers have
Cambridge. The theme of the lecture was the
relationship between Judaism and science.
                                                      included Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks and Daniel
                                                      Libeskind, architect of the Jewish Museum in
                                                                                                            godwin room, clare college, sunday 2nd may
   Speaking about how scientists are so often crit-   Berlin. Professor Winston is perhaps best known          10am for manifesto positions, 11am for non-manifesto positions
ical of religion, Professor Winston explored          for his BBC series which included ‘The Human
whether religious feelings and belief in God are      Body’, ‘Child of Our Time’ and ‘The Secret Life       Founded in 1976, The Cambridge University Industrial Society as it was then, brought together students
divine, or whether these may have evolved as a        of Twins’.                                            who were keen on finding direction for their lives after university with the employment sectors that
protective mechanism in humans during the                The University has placed high priority on         they were interested in. Two years later, it approached a like minded careers-NGO and together the
                                                                                                            made the concept a national one. Today there are over 45 Student Industrial Societies Nationwide,
process of natural selection. He examined the         seeking to fund a permanent teaching post in          working to help students develop personally and develop rewarding careers. Today we keep the
relationship between science and his own reli-        Jewish Studies at the Faculty of Divinity.            same vision alive, recognising and promoting the need, as the most academically privileged and able
gion, Judaism, which fundamentally believes that      Judaism is the only major religion that does not      students to put back to society beyond our time here be it economic, social, political or otherwise...
science is valuable and necessary. He also looked     have a permanent teaching resource. Judaism is
at contemporary issues in his own scientific field    currently taught with the help of specialists
- human reproduction and genetics - and the var-
ious attempts at their manipulation, such as
cloning, transgenesis and now parthenogenesis in
                                                      borrowed from other faculties and institutions.
                                                      The University is urgently seeking finance for
                                                      three new posts including a lectureship in
                                                                                                                      cambridge university’s student-run careers & personal development society
mammals as a model.                                   Modern Judaism.
   ‘Yerushah’ is Hebrew for ‘heritage’ and the                                       by Aisleigh Sawyer
                                                                                                                        president: saalim chowdhury, homerton |
                                                                                                                                                                                            NEWS                                                                                                                                                                          April 30, 2004     05
Revise-talise yourself Chinese whisper
Bryan Coll                                  chairs with chemistry’, it’s probably          Cambridge students have also been          Charlotte Forbes                            overseas student studying in the UK
                                            advisable to leave that periodic table on   seeking alternative remedies. Isobel                                                      could expect to pay up to £19,000 a
                                            your desk.                                  Knight of Napiers Herbal Health Care,                                                     year in fees for clinical medical cours-
Cambridge can be a stressful place to          On a more serious note, CUSU re-         Sidney Street told Varsity she had            The University of Nottingham                es, yet a student studying at the
say the least. Supervision deadlines,       launched their exam website this week       noticed increasing numbers of students        announced plans last week for a sec-        Ningbo campus would only pay
the dubious quality of hall food and        (, which aims to           making appointments at the clinic. “We        ond foreign campus. The new cam-            around £4000. Meleika Gooneratne, a
the permanent risk of being flattened       help students with both the academic        get a particularly high number of             pus is to be situated at Ningbo in          first-year medic from Sri Lanka, told
by a lorry on your bike, are just some of   and welfare sides of exam term.             PGCE students”, commented Ms.                 China, and will open this September         Varsity there are definite advantages,
the things that can cause students          Academic and Welfare Officers Jessica       Knight, “and third year students seem to      with a student population of 4000 at        citing the financial gains in particular.
headaches. All these concerns pale          Childs and Lizz Waller also publicised      be the most stressed of all”. Popular         both undergraduate and postgradu-           She did, however, voice concern over
into insignificance, however, when the      the individual support available to         treatments at the clinic include Bowen        ate levels. This week there was spec-       how well the system might work in
dreaded exam term arrives.                  Cambridge students. This kind of one-       therapy, an Australian soft tissue thera-     ulation as to whether Cambridge             practice. “There is sometimes resent-
   This week, a number of colleges,         on-one support is becoming a greater        py, which uses small, gentle movements        University would follow suit and            ment towards people who go abroad
organisations and businesses launched       part of the work of CUSU and, accord-       on strategic points of the body to gener-     expand abroad. Varsity investigates.        to study, especially if they believe the
schemes to try and combat the stress of     ing to Jessica Childs, has been of “real    ate a healing response. During exam              Nottingham’s decision to develop         new university is somehow ‘better’
‘the quiet period’. These include bouncy    benefit to both undergraduate and grad-     term, Napiers is offering a special rate of   another foreign campus was influ-           than the ones at home.”
castles, speed dating, massages and         uate students.” Any student is welcome      £15 for a half-hour session of Bowen          enced by the success of the universi-          Cambridge University has a strong
holistic therapies.                         to call in at the CUSU offices to discuss   Therapy, Reflexology or Life Coaching.        ty’s first foreign campus in Malaysia,      reputation for fostering international
   Emmanuel College has been the            exam-related anxiety, revision tech-        Ms. Knight commented: “It’s important         which has been open since 2000. It is       links. A university spokesperson con-
front-runner in terms of exam term wel-     niques or any other issue of concern.       to take a break and relax”.                   hoped that this success may encour-         firmed that Cambridge has no current
fare for the last two years. Senior Tutor                                                                                             age other universities, such as             proposals for a second campus, as the
Dr. Richard Barnes told Varsity that this                                                                                             Cambridge, to follow suit. Although         university tends to develop links on a
year’s programme of recreation and                                                                                                    initially specialising in arts and social   smaller scale. However, Cambridge
relaxation, organised by the college’s                                                                                                sciences, the Ningbo campus is              has several strong links with the
JCR committee, would be one of the                                                                                                    expected to grow to incorporate a           Chinese universities of Peking and
best yet. “We spend around £1000 on                                                                                                   wider range of subjects. Degrees from       Tsinghau, which are supported by the
these kind of facilities for exam term                                                                                                the Ningbo campus will have the             Chinese Ministry of Education.
and believe that it’s money well spent”,                                                                                              same status as those completed on the       These partnerships comprise of stu-
he said. This year’s line-up of events                                                                                                Nottingham campus. This represents          dent exchanges, staff links and
includes regular barbecues, games of                                                                                                  a big step for China, and authorities       research collaborations between
Giant Twister and DVD nights at the                                                                                                   hope that the new legislation will          departments. Cambridge currently
Master’s Lodge.                                                                                                                       encourage more foreign support to           runs a joint masters programme with
   In addition, there are a number of                                                                                                 help modernise their Higher                 the University of Peking. Cambridge
society events taking place. You could                                                                                                Education system.                           also has a number of links with other
do worse than indulge in a spot of speed                                                                                                 The potential benefits for both          Chinese universities at Nanjing,
dating, organised by,                                                                                                partners and their students are con-        Fudan and Shanghai Jiaotong, in
which takes place at the Anchor                                                                                                       siderable. There are several enticing       addition to many other partnerships
tonight. Although billed as ‘musical                                                                                                  factors for prospective students. An        across the world.
06 FEATURES     April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                  

         arsity got off to a pretty inauspi-
        cious start. It first hit the streets
        of Cambrige on January 15th
                                                                                                                                                                  When Winner
1931, but was initially unsuccessful and
folded in 1933 with losses of £100. After
                                                                                                                                                                  was thinner
this ignominious start an American
undergraduate relaunched Varsity in                                                                                                                                  I joined Varsity in October 1953. A front
1947 and since then, barring the odd                                                                                                                              page story recounted how landladies objected
blip (and bankruptcy threat), Varsity has                                                                                                                         to being asked to keep their premises open
been the leading newspaper for the stu-                                                                                                                           until 11pm instead of 10pm because if
dent population at Cambridge.                                                                                                                                     undergraduates were allowed to bring their
  On its reappearance in 1947 Varsity                                                                                                                             friends in up until 11pm they would have to
carried headlines on the uncertainty sur-                                                                                                                         stay up to make coffee for them.
rounding women at the University and                                                                                                                                 I already had my own column in 17 local
controversy over a proposed science cen-                                                                                                                          London newspapers which I got when I was
tre. Plus ca change... The paper also                                                                                                                             14. I was rather bright then. It’s been downhill
included debating reports, reviews,                                                                                                                               ever since.
sports and listings, and a slapdash fea-                                                                                                                             I edited the paper a year after coming to
tures section, with one article rumoured                                                                                                                          Cambridge. My greatest achievement was to
to be a sub-editors’s essay hastily includ-                                                       Jeremy Paxman and the Varsity team                              bring out an Oxford edition which I
ed to fill space.                               nalistic careers. There was trouble right      while working for Varsity”. For some of us                         announced, at 3p would be the cheapest piece
  Today’s Varsity is the product of a           from the start, when in 1932 Varsity’s edi-    this is a sentiment we can relate to!                              of education Oxford ever had. It caused an
merger of two papers - the original             tor was challenged to a duel over one of         Prince Charles wrote in Varsity’s 21st                           enormous stir - with leaders and articles in
Varsity and a radical campaigning news-         the articles. Luckily the police arrived       birthday issue in March 1968 that he                               nearly every national newspaper.
paper, Stop Press which was founded in          and the issue was resolved before the pis-     “had never somehow contemplated the                                   It also nearly bankrupted Varsity, which
1972. In 1955 a one-off Oxford edition          tols were actually used.                       idea of writing for this paper since I had                         was extremely flush with cash when I
of Varsity was produced - but all in all,          The distinguished list of subsequent        received so many admonitions about it                              became editor, but down to near-nil when I
very little has changed in 600 issues.          editors can be said to have got off lightly.   before arriving here.” But he continued,                           left. My team of student journalists and I
  Varsity has proved a starting point for       Jeremy Paxman, Editor in Lent 1971,            “I believe there is an old saying... ‘if you                       would pile into taxis and say, “Oxford!”
some of the finest (and not so fine) jour-      says that he “wrote some absolute rubbish      can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!’”.                                       Accompanying me were the Cambridge
                                                                                                 Andrew Gilligan left the paper after a                           water ski team as the Oxford undergraduate
                                                                                               acrimonous row with his editor, an omi-        In 1932 Varsity’s   editors had threatened to throw me in the
                                                                                                                                                 editor was

        Varsity at 600:
                                                                                               nous moment his future employers might                             Cherwell! I thought a little protection was a
                                                                                               have picked up on. Other Varsity writers       challenged to a     reasonable precaution. I greatly enjoyed
                                                                                               have included Clive James, Griff Rhys           duel over one      Varsity, where I was also film critic, colum-
                                                                                               Jones and Michal Frayn.                         of the articles    nist, general dictator and nuisance.

        A brief history                                                                          Past editors include Michael Winner
                                                                                               and Richard Whiteley. Whitely goes so
                                                                                               far as to comment that “when I’m
                                                                                               knocked down by the Number 11 bus
                                                                                                                                                                     My “staff ” included playwright Michael
                                                                                                                                                                  Frayn and Jonathan Miller. We also had
                                                                                                                                                                  musical writer and multi-Academy Award
                                                                                                                                                                  winner Leslie Bricusse, screenwriter Frederic
                                                                                               you’ll see the word Varsity written on my                          Raphael, and many others who have gone on

By Laura-Jane Foley                                                                            heart”. Opposite is a recollection written
                                                                                               by Michael Winner who jumped at the
                                                                                               invitation to write about his time as
                                                                                               Editor of Varsity for us– the least he
                                                                                                                                                                  to some success. They all appeared very ordi-
                                                                                                                                                                  nary at the time. As I’m sure I did. Even
                                                                                                                                                                  though I was voted in a Varsity poll the most
                                                                                                                                                                  well known person in Cambridge. So I was

and Tom Cahill                                                                                 could do to make amends for nearly
                                                                                               bankrupting the newspaper 60 years
                                                                                                                                                                  ordinary and famous at the same time. My
                                                                                                                                                                  greatest achievement.
                                                                                                                                                                                                 Michael Winner
                                                                                                                                                                  NEWS REVIEW                                                                                                                                                                    April 30, 2004     07
Terror and violence spreads in Iraq
US forces pound rebel fighters in Falluja, Italian hostages taken, oil rigs hit

        epercussions from the Iraqi War con-         Tony Blair if he supported "the murder and            Italians whom they have taken hostage, along-
        tinue:, as US forces have attacked the       mutilation of hundreds of women and children          side a statement demanding that the Italian pub-
        city of Falluja in the past week with
shells, airstrikes, and even leaflets, which,
                                                     in Falluja as an appropriate response to the sav-
                                                     age murder" of four Americans. Blair answered
                                                                                                           lic stage "a big demonstration" in Rome to
                                                                                                           demand that the “government to withdraw from
according to The Guardian, proclaimed,
"Surrender, you are surrounded. If you are a
                                                     by arguing that Tapsell’s description was entirely
                                                     inaccurate and that the American soldiers were
                                                                                                           our country". The Green Brigade announced
                                                                                                           that Italy had “five days” in which to fulfil the
                                                                                                                                                                                                    of the
terrorist, beware, because your last day was yes-    only doing what was necessary. Lakdar Brahimi,        demands, threatening otherwise that they would
terday. In order to spare your life, end your                                                              kill the hostages “without any hesitation or any                                         week
actions and surrender to coalition forces now.         “I deeply regret any civilian                       other warning."
We are coming to arrest you."
                                                      death in Falluja, but it's neces-
                                                                                                                                                                                 Frank Maloney
   There are thought to be around 2,000 rebel                                                                        oordinated suicide boat attacks on oil
fighters in Falluja. According to reports, about       sary that order is restored”                                  rigs in the waters of the northern gulf,                   Quote 1: “I’m not homophobic”
200 are Islamic militants, others desire to                                                                          which occurred on Saturday, have been                        Quote 2: “I don’t want to
reassert Sunni supremacy in Iraq, and some are                  Tony Blair                                 heralded as a new menace in the ongoing strug-                          campaign around gays”
supporters of Saddam. Suspicions that some of                                                              gle against terrorism. Until now, Iraq’s oil indus-                   Oh dear Frankieboy, not all
the Falluja rebels are linked to Al-Qaida are one    UN envoy for Iraq, warned, "Unless this standoff      try has escaped assault, but as violent revolt                        publicity is good publicity.
reason US forces may have acted so fiercely,         is brought to a resolution through peaceful           opens up across the country, Shamkhi Faraj,
although they have issued a statement defining       means, there is a great risk of very bloody con-      head of the Iraqi oil marketing organisation,
the attack on Falluja as self-defence, explaining:   frontation"; a prophecy that was sadly being          claims new security measures must be put in
"Marines responded by directing precision            enacted by the attacks which were underway            place. Since the attacks on the oil rigs, a
weaponry against enemy forces in order to
defend themselves."
   In Prime Minister’s Question Time on
                                                     even as Brahimi was speaking.
                                                        Meanwhile, the self-defined ‘Green Brigade’,
                                                     an Iraqi armed group opposing the occupation of
                                                                                                           Jordanian activist linked to Al-Qaida has
                                                                                                           claimed responsibility, intensifying fears regard-
                                                                                                           ing the involvement of Al-Qaida with terrorist
                                                                                                                                                                  UKIP mayoral
Wednesday, Tory MP Sir Peter Tapsell asked           Iraq, on Monday released a video of three             factions in Iraq.                               EB
                                                                                                                                                                  candidate won’t
Tha boyz-in-                                                                                                                                                      “campaign
blue crew                                                                                                                                                         around gays”
C                                                                                                                                                                 F
        live Wolfendale, the North Wales                                                                                                                                 rank Maloney, the UK Independence
        deputy chief constable, has been                                                                                                                                 Party’s candidate for the London mayoral
        accused of “patronising” and “demean-                                                                                                                            elections, caused a stir this week when he
ing” black officers by the chairman of the                                                                                                                        said that he would not take his campaign to
Commission for Racial Equality, Trevor                                                                                                                            Camden because “there are too many gays.”
Phillips.                                                                                                                                                            Maloney protested “I’m not homophobic”,
   Wolfendale was addressing the first ever                                                                                                                       although he did also say, of gay people, that “I
meeting of the North Wales Black Police                                                                                                                           don’t think they do a lot for society.” His attitude
Association when he unexpectedly broke into a                                                                                                                     struck many as curiously defeatist for a wannabe
rap. He began on a defensive footing: “I'm just a                                                                                                                 politician, particularly given his justification that
white boy called the Deputy CC / They said I'd                                                                                                                    "I don't want to campaign around gays because I
never make it as a bitchin' MC”. His flow went                                                                                                                    don't think they will vote for me.”
on to include gems such as “So listen! Watcha                                                                                                                        Aside from his bizarre views, such as the pro-
doin' here today / Checkin' what the Heddlu                                                                                                                       nouncement that “there is a problem with gay
Gogledd Cymru gotta say.”                                                                                                                                         parades”, most striking was Maloney’s assumption
   The disapproving Trevor Phillips said                                                                                                                          that economic and social conservatism are inextri-
“Presumably this was an attempt to get down                                                                                                                       cably linked, and that any supporter of the aims of
with their supposed culture,” and likened the                                                                                                                     the UK Independence Party would inevitably be
performance to giving a speech to the London
Police Federation “starting off with a rousing
chorus of ‘Maybe It's Because I'm A Londoner’
                                                                                                                                                                   “If you are homosexual, get on
                                                                                                                                                                  with your life and stop bitching” -
                                                       Rehtse Filtnib

before discussing policing strategy in Cockney
rhyming slang.”                                                                                                                                                        wannabe Mayor Maloney
   Wolfendale retaliated by saying that
"Without wishing to sound patronising, I think
Mr Phillips has missed the point." The end of                                                                                                                     heterosexual. This is a far cry from the attempts
his rap made the ‘point’ clear enough - the jam:                                                                                                                  by the right to form a new breed of ‘cuddly con-
“There's no time for jam tomorrow, we need the                                                                                                                    servatism’, preaching right-wing economic poli-
jam today / That's why we launchin' our associ-                                                                                 The cap says it all               cies while being more broadly accepting of
ation in this way / Thank you all for coming and                                                                                                                  minorities. Maloney seemed to explode this posi-
remember what we say / Support your local                                                                                                                         tion, arguing that "the majority of Tories are anti-
sheriff and the North Wales BPA.”                                                                                                                                 gay." He summed up his dismissal with the blunt
   When contacted by Varsity, Busta Rhymes
was unable to comment, but we reckon that’s
probably because he was in a business meeting
with Wolfendale over the prospect of a future
                                                     I have 28 balls                                                                                              "If you are homosexual, you are homosexual - just
                                                                                                                                                                  get on with your life and stop bitching about
                                                                                                                                                                     The Gay Conservatives were incensed by
collaboration.                               OR
                                                     Libby the dog has an oral adventure                                                                          Maloney’s comments, branding him “a danger-
                                                                                                                                                                  ous extremist”, and demanded that the UKIP
                                                                                                                                                                  either endorse his views or sack him as their

                                                                 e’ve been overwhelmed by the number       reporters: "We didn't even need to X-ray her...she     candidate. Maloney retorted, “What’s it got to
  Winner                                                         of responses to our appeal for animal-
                                                                 related news stories, and it’s been a
                                                                                                           was clanking and we could feel them in her stom-
                                                                                                           ach." Libby’s owner was very happy with the
                                                                                                                                                                  do with them? The Gay Conservatives are not
                                                                                                                                                                  going to vote for me anyway.” However, if the
   of the                                            tricky job to pick ones to use for publication.
                                                     Although every submission has been rewarded
                                                                                                           unexpected bonus of the free balls, which the vets
                                                                                                           gave back to him. Wardrop had no qualms about
                                                                                                                                                                  boxing promoter, who freely admitted he was
                                                                                                                                                                  “not a career politician”, is only bothered about
                                                     with a Mystery Free Gift, it’s not the taking part    using the contraband: “They were slightly dis-         the likelihood of people voting for him, then he
   week                                              that counts but the winning, and one story in         coloured but otherwise in great condition and will     may as well give up now: Ken Livingstone, the
                                                     particular caught our eyes.                           be great for practice.” News Review warns its          current Mayor, is tipped to retain his position
    Libby golferdog                                     Ross Pein, of Peterhouse, sent us the tale of
                                                     Libby, a German shepherd dog who swallowed 28
                                                                                                           readers of the considerable potential for top crim-
                                                                                                           inals to smuggle illegal and stolen goods in other
                                                                                                                                                                  by a considerable margin.
    Poor Libby walked around for days                golf balls and needed an operation lasting two-       dogs stomachs; owners of dogs should keep an eye
  with 28 golf balls in her stomach. Her             and-a-half hours to put her back at operational       out for anyone interfering with their dog’s food.
   owner didn’t seem to notice that she              capability. Libby's owner Mike Wardrop couldn't          Meanwhile, well done to Ross for highlighting the                       Contributors:
  was clanking, but at least she can eat             understand why his dog had gone off her food and      story – you’ve won a free ticket to the Queens’ Bats                                 Esther Bintliff
                again now.                           was losing weight. Wardrop, who works at a golf       May Week play, The Merry Wives of Windsor!                                           Ollie Rickman
                                                     course, took Libby to vet John Ford, who later told                                             OR & EB
08 INTERVIEWS   April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                         

Blunkett: from cradle to grave
The position of Home Secretary is notoriously tough , but David Blunkett tells James Dacre that he’ not dead yet.

                                                                                                                   “In my darker moment I despair, but I think       made a difference now and will for the foresee-
                                                                                                               that balancing rights and responsibilities, re-       able future. It’s created greater insecurity nation-
                                                                                                               enforcing duties, and getting a sense of respect      ally as well as internationally. People are more
                                                                                                               back into society is something that is vital for the  fearful and that plays into other parts of the job.
                                                                                                               health of our community. I believe we should          There is a need to reassure people in relation to
                                                                                                               actually care about what’s happening in the           better policing, reassure people in terms of the
                                                                                                               world, even, dare I say, those of us who believed     balance in the nationality and asylum policy and
                                                                                                               we were right about Iraq. If we care about that       border controls and reassure people about a crim-
                                                                                                               and are prepared to say so, I think those are good    inal justice system which we admitted when I
                                                                                                               signs and my optimism is then able to shine           came into office required radical reform. And
                                                                                                               through. Otherwise I couldn’t live day-to-day         dealing with related issues, like the terrible threat
                                                                                                               with the difficulties that I face.”                   of class A drugs..”
                                                                                                                   “Actually caring about what’s happening in           Which is all very well. But it is claimed that
                                                                                                               the world,” is the message that shines through        Mr Blunkett has caused considerable confusion
                                                                                                               all his books and pamphlets, Being a member of the over his changes to Britains drugs
                                                                                                               interviews and articles, speech-                                     laws. “I think that the presenta-
                                                                                                                                                     Labour Party immedi-
                                                                                                               es and policies. He worries                                          tion of the change as being the
                                                                                                                                                       ately dubbed you as
                                                                                                               that “we’ve lost the art today of                                    legalisation of cannabis did lead
                                                                                                                                                          very reactionary
                                                                                                               communicating to young peo-                                          to a contemporary confusion. But
                                                                                                               ple that politics is not about abstracts, that it is  talking to young people, I think that they
                                                                                                               actually about day to day decision making. The        understand that what we were trying to do was
                                                                                                               balance that we have to achieve between aspi-         place the horrors of class A drugs in their right
                                                                                                               ration and possibility, of the things we can do       context for educational and cultural purposes
                                                                                                               as individuals and the things that we can’t do        so that people who are told that heroin and
                                                                                                               individually.”                                        crack cocaine are different to cannabis would
                                                                                                                  We range over his life but as always it’s his      believe us. They know that’s so because many
                                                                                                               early years that are the most fascinating. How        young people have tried cannabis, and they
                                                                                                               political were his parents? “They weren’t mem-        need to know that if they’re told that they can
                                                                                                               bers of any political party. My grandfather had       die from taking crack, they’ll believe it. That
                                                                                                               been active in the trade union movement. He           isn’t to say that the message on cannabis isn’t
                                                                                                               used to read me the Daily Herald. I got a             that it’s a dangerous drug and taken over a peri-
                                                                                                               flavour of where they were coming from, which         od of time becomes more dangerous and I
                                                                                                               was as a hard-working, thrifty, working class         think that that is a clear message.”

           avid Blunkett is very much in control.         Although he won’t admit to it, I suspect he sees     family, wanting to be self determining but real-         He is far better able to read my tone of voice
           He is the star of a story as poignant as the liberal left as exerting a decaying effect on the      ly finding it hard work in terms of income,           than a seeing man might.“Your tape recorder just
           any that Hollywood’s best could man- values of self reliance, but Blunkett’s advantage              prospects, insecurities.”                             stopped,” he warns me. Fitting the player with a
ufacture. The boy who was born blind, lived over the chattering classes is his heritage, and it                   How politically involved was he at University?     new tape, we discuss whether Britain’s political
through appalling family tragedy, turned down is because of this that he is “so strong about anti-             “I wasn’t. I was involved only at the fringes. I was  classes woke up early enough to the immigration
an education in piano-tuning (he took himself social behaviour, so concerned about building                    generally involved in taking on the very powerful     issue. He concedes that no-one was prepared for
off to university), became a local councillor at security and order and stability” into society                socialist society and fringe elements of the inter-   the change in people movements that impacted
22 and ended up as one of the most powerful because without such security decent people can’t                  national Marxist group, who were very, very           on the UK. Invoked by “world events like the
men in Britain.                                        work to better their lives.                             active in the late sixties. I was very involved in    Taliban in Afghanistan, like the stepping up of
   He is perfectly prepared for our interview. He         It makes him “smile” to think that the man           the anti apartheid movement, but that wasn’t in       world attention on the terror in Iraq, these tides
has a detailed answer to every question, and once painted as a left-wing firebrand, is now                     the party political sense. I was much more            started to come in the mid-Nineties and acceler-
unlike many a ministerial explanation, these depicted by The Guardian as a right-wing bogey-                   involved in my own community and I actually           ated in the late Nineties into the early part of this
answers are his own. He is not afraid to say what man. But Blunkett was a student of Bernard                   became an elected councillor of Sheffield city        century.” During this time, there was a serious
he thinks and he has a distinct I became known as Crick - the progressive educational-                         council in my second year as a mature student so      neglect of the problem which was not given the
moral philosophy that entirely                                       ist, and bete noir of the right - and     I was more involved in politics in the city than      appropriate resources and this, he implies, was
                                          left-wing because
dictates his policy. “Read it in my                                  was also once notorious for being         in the university.”                                   down to a French reluctance to co-operate with
book” could be the definitive Sheffield was a very leader of the Socialist Republic of                                                                               the issue. “It was not possible until Nicholas
                                             radical council

answer to any question that I ask.                                   South Yorkshire. So exactly how                          e move on to his years as Education    Akosi became the interior minister in France to
But I ask them anyway; Blunkett is known as a left-wing was he?                                                               Minister. What was he most and         actually reach an agreement, not only to close a
politician who is confident and honest enough to          “Well, I wasn’t,” he tells me. “I was the voice of                  least proud of ? “I’m very proud of    camp that was on French soil, not on UK soil,
offer a new answer with every conversation. And, the Labour party, and the Labour party was seen               a great many things that I did. I think that re-      but actually to get him, and the French more
in any case, I don’t believe that his book explains as being towards the right in terms of the student         focussing education on giving youngsters a foun-      broadly, to agree to put in security measures,
everything.                                            politics of the early seventies. Being a member of      dation on which they themselves can build             again on their soil, to effectively start to transfer
   Blunkett is the most private of politicians, but the Labour party immediately dubbed you as                 through the literacy and numeracy programme           our border controls from Britain to France and
his life story has entirely shaped his politics and it being very reactionary, and so I learnt to defend       will, in the long run, probably be        My social outlook is
                                                                                                                                                                                      subsequently to Beligium and in
was his early years that were the most influen- myself very strongly. I read Political Theory and              the greatest foundation that I                                         the future to Holland.
                                                                                                                                                         one of believing that
tial.“If people hadn’t helped me in my early life, I Institutions for my degree which involved eco-            could have laid. But also things                                          In retrospect, does he think
                                                                                                                                                        what we do to others
wouldn’t have been able to do what I’ve done but nomics and history as well. I probably came out               that are not so well known, like                                       that this “neglect” gave succour to
                                                                                                                                                           determines how
if I hadn’t had the will and determination, the of university more to the left than I went in, but             introducing lessons in citizenship                                     such right wing groups as the
                                                                                                                                                           society operates
sense of self-responsibility to do it, it wouldn’t when I joined Sheffield city council, I was to the          and democracy into the state                                           BNP ? “If you don’t provide the
have happened. People couldn’t have done it for right of the new brand of firebrand younger                    school curriculum to try and build an under-          security of stability and order that secures peo-
me. I had to do it for myself, and its that combi- councillors in Sheffield and across the country.            standing of our state of responsibility, our state of ple’s confidence, they won’t turn to moderate or
nation of self-reliance, and of knowing that When I was elected as leader of Sheffield some                    belonging and our centre of identity, is some-        left-wing policies, they’ll turn to people that offer
everybody around us, from our families to the years later in 1980, I was the moderate candidate                thing that I’m really very proud of.” As Blunkett     them greater certainties- to the right. That was
broader community, can help us sink or swim for the leadership of the council. I became known                  talks of Britain and her values, he seems at his      certainly true in the late nineties and the early
…that is my politics.”                                 as left wing because Sheffield was a very radical       happiest during our hour together. Outside, the       part of 2002 in Europe, where governments that
   A man who has come through a lot, he council and we were doing very radical things at                       Royal Scotts Guard are rehearsing Land of Hope        didn’t address the issues of security in the home
expects much of others. Aside from his blind- a time when Margaret Thatcher was doing very                     and Glory. He doesn’t even notice; taking himself     and the community and across borders were
ness, he learnt to cope with the circumstances radical things nationally, but we were never                    very seriously, he seems totally unaware of the       actually swept away. I’ve been trying to argue the
of “my father being killed in a works accident engaged with militant tendency, and we were                     irony of the situation.                               case for tackling these issues to create an environ-
when I was twelve, and my mother struggling seen as very different from the politics of the                       But he deeply regrets, he says, that “I didn’t     ment in which broader discussion and debate can
to survive the environment in which I lived.” London boroughs of the time.”                                    actually build into those four years a sense of       be heard.”
The impoverished but resilient Sheffield                  So what is he now? “A Social Democrat.” And          greater ownership by the people carrying                 Blunkett’s guide-dog Lucy returns from her
Brightside area where he grew up is now his what does that mean? “It means that I combine                      through the programmes… I had to move                 walk around the block. He treats her with a touch-
constituency. It is by “drawing on the lessons old-fashioned socialism with old-fashioned                      quickly to get the numeracy and literacy pro-         ing affection; as a spoilt child. Her black hair
from those years,” early in his life that he sees “duty” conservatism and that’s why my social out-            grammes installed, and by moving quickly I did-       seems to be turning grey. His shaggy auburn beard
his “voice able to reflect the needs, the con- look is one of believing that what we do to others              n’t necessarily have the time to actually win over    was noticeably darker when he entered office.
cerns, and the fears of people there today.” determines how society operates.”                                 the profession to what we were trying to do, and      “The Home Office is called the political grave-
And it is at a grassroots level there in                  So Blunkett believes that government should          if you’re going to make things work in the long-      yard,” he laughs,“but the difference between being
Brightside that he listens to a voice that guarantee basic rights and freedoms and in return                   term, then you have to do that.”                      Home Secretary and being in a graveyard is that
informs much of his ministerial policy; that of the citizen contracts to meet certain social                      And what of his years at the Home Office,          when you’re in a graveyard you sleep peacefully.”
his people, not “an alternative voice at a responsibilities. In an age of endemic street crime,                notorious as one of the hardest positions in gov-        Somehow I think this very likeable and
national level, for there are no national broad- drugs and asociated anti-social behaviour, does he            ernment? How tough has it been? “I though it          impressive man won’t be getting much sleep
casters or journalists, and no judges, and no never despair that his approach of ‘Social                       was going to be very difficult, but I couldn’t have   for a long time.
members of the House of Lords there.”                  Democracy,’ is not an over-optimistic one?              anticipated September 11th 2001, which has
                                                                                                                                                                          April 30, 2004    09
                                        The Alternative Dating Plan
                                                We’ve all heard the statistic - 70% of Cambridge students meet their future spouses whilst at university. Urban
                                                myth or surprisingly scary fact? Whatever. But seriously....for many of us Cindies just won’t do any more. So
                                                whats the alternative? Zanny Ali and Ronojoy Dam investigate.....

                                                  Blind                Premise:
                                                                       "I know the perfect person for you, you’d get on
                                                                                                                             Web dating -
                                                                       sooo well"- a friend                                 Premise:
                                                  Dating                                                                    Totally free dating site exclusively
                                                                       Empty Promises?:                                     for Cambridge students. Leave
                                                                       Why on earth would you agree to spend a              your details. Wait for the reply.
                                                                       romantic evening with someone who’s face you         Like MSN Messenger. But with
                                                                       haven’t even seen? Like it or not, most of us are    more flowers, candy romance and
                                                                       more superficial than we pretend we are to           the wet dreams of the internet gen-
                                                                       impress hot chicks. And while we’re at it, if your   eration.
                                                                       friend thinks this person is so great, why aren’t
                                                                       they going out with them?                            Empty Promises?:
                                                                                                                            This claims to be a dating site but,
                                                                       Some Words of Advice:                       can have unex-
                                                                       If you’re nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.       pected consequences, the message
                                                                       End of.                                              board tells us Lady Penelope has
                                                                                                                            "ended up with a God-son through
                                                                       The Verdict:                                         the site". And what’s this? Archery
                                                                       Then again, a stunning Finnish model asking you      lessons? S writes "...Oh - and
                                                                       back to his/her’s for coffee because they haven’t    thanks for the arrows, they're work-
                                                                       really met anyone in Cambridge… well what            ing well! Hit me spot on a week
                                                                       you waitin’ for?                                     ago...." – Wowee zowee!

                                                                                                                            Some Words of Advice:
Speed Dating                                                                                                                Human contact can be tedious.
                                                                                                                            This is like writing dirty text mes-
                                                                                                                            sages but with enough word space
Premise:                                                                                                                    to get past the mere foreplay - Ooo
30 girls + 30 guys x 3 minutes = ‘Musical                                                                                   er! - Hence, not for the backwards-
chairs with chemistry’ according to speed                                                                                   at-coming-forward amongst us.
dating guru, Richard Neill.
The Empty Promises?:                                                                                                        It’s not all idle dirty talk, the web-      Emma and Joe got hitched in New
Guaranteed drunkenness? Well, a compli-                                                                                     site have just celebrated their first     Zealand in March 2004 after meeting on
mentary cocktail is on offer. Also, "even if                                                                                marriage. (see picture - barfff!)              the OxfordRomance website.
you’re not interested in meeting the ‘one’
it’s a great way to meet new people." We
suspect, however, that ‘new’ may be a
euphemism for fuck-buddy
LesBiGay N/A. New as it may be, speed
dating in Cambridge hasn’t quite caught up
                                                                                                                             The Lifestyle Date of the
with our cosmopolitan modern world.

Some Words of Advice:
Guys are desperate for – sex.
                                                                                                                            Your chance to date some of the most eligible singletons in Cambridge
Girls are desperate for – company.
                                                                                                                            The Verdict:
Verdict: If nothing else, it’s a great excuse
                                                                                                                            Ok, so we haven’t exactly been hugely successful in finding you love in our Date
to try out fifteen new chat up lines and        Speed Dating Events are being held on the 4th and 10th of
                                                                                                                            of the Week column but some of the replies have been priceless. Several good
collect fifteen new dating anecdotes and at     May at the Anchor. To register for a place go to
                                                                                                                            friendships have been established along the way and we’ve had a couple of hilari-
£4 you can’t really go wrong. Or can you...?
                                                                                                                            ous date stories: pick of the bunch must be our Hawks’ favourite, who had a
                                                                                                                            Graduate style encounter outside Kings. You can work out the rest….

                                                                                                                                   Our Favourite Reject
                                                                Last Week’s                                                 Russell Abel receievd a fair few resposes as our Man of The Week. Some of
                                                                                                                            them, however, were perhaps not quite as genuine as others. Tamara, from
                                                                                                                            London, was one of our favourites.
                                                                                                                            Name: Tamara Mustill
                                                                Last week’s Date of the Week, Ella, being a                 From: London
                                                                Buckinghasmshire           girl     opted      for          Favourite Song: Sex Farm by Spinal
                                                                Buckinghamshire’s finest; Rich Bamford from                 Tap
                                                                Caius. They met up for an evening of banter                 Favourite Book: Men are from Mars,
                                                                and cocktails at Qi Lounge, Market Passage,                 Women are from Venus
                                                                on Monday evening. ‘It was a great date,’ said
                                                                Ella, ‘ I can’t fault Rich- except for his opinion          Describe Yourself In Three Words:
                                                                on Blazin’ Squad- and the bar staff were so                 Russell me up
                                                                nice.’ Rich was equally optimistic, ‘ The date              What I'm best at: pulling off Johns'
                                                                was great; we had loads in common, though                   stash
                                                                differences in opinion on the strength of Blazin'           What I'm worst at: keeping my knees
                                                                Squad's last album threatens to ruin it all - we'll         together
                                                                see...’                                                     To pull me: flash your Hawks' card
10 EDITORIAL    April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                         

Intruder Alert
   Cambridge students pay some of the highest room rents in the
country. As revealed in Varsity’s own survey this week, our accom-
modation costs are disproportionately high. It seems only fair that
we should expect competent levels of security in our colleges for the
high prices we pay. Yesterday’s incident in Pembroke was potential-
ly very dangerous. It was extremely fortunate that none of the res-
idents of Foundress Court were seriously injured. Nevertheless, the
fact that two strangers were able to gain access to student accom-
modation so easily and remain undetected by security staff must be
of great concern to college authorities. No student should have to
face the possibility of violent attack on their own staircase.

   Although the intrusion at Pembroke appears to be have been an
isolated incident, it is clear that improvements can be made to col-
lege security. The college should not be surprised that Thursday
morning’s intruder was able to scale the wall on Tennis Court Road
– Pembroke students returning to college late at night have been
doing it for years. In order to gain the respect and trust of its stu-
dents, Pembroke should admit there are gaps in its current securi-
ty system and set about actively to resolve the issue.

  Other colleges can learn from Pembroke’s misfortune. Such inci-
dents can happen anywhere – regardless of however tight a college
believes its security to be. Students have a right to live in safe
accommodation and it is the college’s responsibility to ensure this.

Bye, then
   Varsity is 600 issues young! Thousands of students have taken part
in the writing and production of Varsity over the past seven decades.
Many have gone on to be journalists and media personalities whilst
others have simply got involved for the enjoyable experience alone.

   Over the last five months over fifty students have been involved in
producing, editing and designing Varsity. Many more have con-
tributed articles, photographs and cartoons. Unlike student newspa-
pers at other universities Varsity does not have sabbatical editors and
we have brought this paper out each week whilst struggling with the
demands of, respectively, a Part II and an LLM. At times it has been
                                                                              The Week in Words
difficult, and we’ve struggled to meet our 5.30am deadline– but, with
the unstinting work of our reliable and wonderful team we have                 “We hope to distract people from causing trouble by fulfill-        “My team of student journalists and I would pile into taxis
always pulled together and got the paper out on time. Despite our            ing one of their main needs - something to eat - and giving         and say, ‘Oxford!’”
Friday mornings being very unproductive, and largely slept through,          them something else to do.”                                           Michael Winner on his time as Varsity Editor.
we have both enjoyed our editorship immensely and would like to                PC Ian Curtis of Dorset Police explains the impetus behind
thank everyone who has helped us over the past nine issues. But this         a new crime-stopping scheme: give sweets and chocolates to            “We will probably do something together as a group. I think
is not a Union term card, so we aren’t going to launch into a series of      people as they leave the pubs, to stop them fighting.               they are going to release an album and hopefully we will all get
sentimental gushings about everyone from first teachers to the man                                                                               together and write a song for it.”
from the taxi company whilst making sure not to leave out the girl             “Our main fear is about weather, but the forecast has been          Emma B describes what she used to do in the Spice Girls,
from the faculty who waves in the UL.                                        good so far.”                                                       and may do again (again).
                                                                               Not the return of rain to Cambridge, but the astronauts aboard
   Whilst it is a team effort there are those who play a bigger part         Russia’s Soyuz capsule, preparing to come home this week.             “I can’t definitely say ‘I would tour.’”
than most. So big thanks must go to: our news team, ably headed by                                                                                 Graham Thorpe on a possible boycott of England’s tour to
Bryan, who regularly put in many, many late hours; our genial and              “Violent military action by an occupying power against            Zimbabwe.
astute comment king Amol, who has regularly exceeded his job                 inhabitants of an occupied country will only make matters
description to stick out the late shift; our marvellous Deputy Editor        worse.”                                                                “In my darker moments I despair, but I think that balancing
Ellen, who has put together an impressive arts section week in week            The UN secretary-general, Kofi Annan, as US troops pull           rights and responsibilities, re-enforcing duties, and getting a
out; our other Deputy the superb Archie who has been more like a             out of Fallujah.                                                    sense of respect back into society is something that is vital for
third Editor since last week; the wonderful Ifti without whom we                                                                                 the health of our community.”
wouldn’t get the paper produced; and finally, Pat and Sam, whose                “Everyone was really freaked out.”                                  David Blunkett on his vision of a better Britain, speaking to
unstinting work for Varsity ensures that we can keep producing the              One Pembroke student’s reaction to this week’s knife attack.     James Dacre in this week’s interview.
paper for another 600 issues at least.
   It’s been a pleasure,

  Laura-Jane Foley and Reggie Vettasseri

  If you would like to contribute to Varsity, forget         Arts/News Photos (           Lifestyle (                 Thanks to all our sub-editors for their hard
  it for a bit. We’re all off to revise.                       Andrew Gillespie, Jack Chiles, Ella McPherson      Alex Grundy, Vicki Booth                         work.
  (Do apply for sections, though, May Week or                Sports Photos (              Fashion (
  next year:                           Andrew Sims                                        Ronojoy Dam                                      Web team: Tom Wilkie, Mohammed Ali Azeem,
                                                             Chief News (                   Theatre (                     Lizzie Ostrom and Tom Simonite
  Editors (
                                                               Desmond Bryan Coll                                 Chris Adams, Charlotte Holden
    Laura-Jane Foley
                                                             News (                         Music (                         Business Manager
    Reggie Vettasseri
                                                               Aisleigh Sawyer, Gabriella ‘with a J’ Jozwiak      Henry Bowen, Edwin Lane                            Sam Gallagher
                                                             Radio News (              Film (
  Web Editor (
                                                               Benjamin Bland                                     Oliver Tilley                                       Email the Business Manager to enquire about
    Jonathan Wood
                                                             Comment (                   Classical Music (           placing adverts. Or if you want to tell him how
  Production Manager (
                                                               Marvellous Amol Rajan                              Ciaran Jenkins                                   great he is: he really is a legend, you know, and
    Nifty Ifti Qurashi
                                                             National News (        Visual Arts (                  he has an hilarious passport photo. Thanks for
  Chief Photos Editor (
                                                               Ollie Rickman, Esther Blintiff                     Dawn Tunstall                                    everything you’ve done, Sam.
    Ria Cooke
                                                             Features (                 Literature (                  Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd
  Deputy Editor (News) (
                                                               Tom Cahill                                         Zoe Organ                                        and printed by Cambridge Evening News. All
    James Franklin Archibald the Bland
                                                             Interviews (             Sport (                         copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity
  Deputy Editor (Arts) (
                                                                James Dacre, Will Gallagher                       Rajan Lakhani, Sam Richardson                    Publications Ltd. No part of this publication may
    Ellen Enchantress Jones
                                                             Page Fourteen (                Editorial Cartoonist                                be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or
                                                               Alex Rushmer, Dave Fawbert                         Andrew James                                     transmitted in any form or by any means, with-
                                                                                                                                                                   out the prior permission of the publisher.
                                                                                                                                                                                                      OPINION                                                                                                                                                                                                 Apr 23, 2004             11
                                                                                                                              was enforced. I was also anxious about the                      minimise the risk of variable fees, whilst keeping
                                                                                                                              impact the system would have on graduates                       the rest of the package. I proposed amendments
                                                                                                                              working in the public sector. I won important                   at both Committee and Report stage which

Campbell MP
                                                                                                                              concessions in all these areas.                                 would have replaced the variable fee with a fixed
                                                                                                                                 The fee cap can only be raised by a new HE                   fee. Had I not previously resigned my role as
                                                                                                                              Bill before 2010 and thereafter only by a vote in               PPS over the war in Iraq, I would have had to
                                                                                                                              both Houses of Parliament. I persuaded the                      resign with this voting record.
                                                                                                                              Government to put future Education Secretaries                     I could not support Ian Gibson’s amendment
                                                                                                                              under an obligation to fine any university which                because it removed all power from the regulator
                                                                                                                                                                                                       and all legislation pertaining to fees,

                                                                                                           “Universities are in
                                                                                                                                                                                                       thereby leaving an unregulated market.

            hen the idea of variable top up         Bill are long overdue. At the outset, I wel-                                                                                                       If this amendment had been passed, the
            fees was first proposed by univer-      comed the Government’s proposal to abolish                                                                                                         Government would have had to aban-
            sity Vice Chancellors in 1996/7, I      up front tuition fees, so that graduates, rather                                                                                                   don the Bill in its entirety. CUSU may
opposed their introduction. I did not want          than students, pay the fees. Similar to the                                                                                                        have regarded this as a victory, but it
to see an American style market in higher
education which leaves everyone except the
very poor and the very rich unable to afford
                                                    Scottish system, long argued for by NUS, it is
                                                    in essence a capped graduate tax for those
                                                    earning above £15,000.
                                                                                                           crisis. They need                                                                           would have been short lived.
                                                                                                                                                                                                           Universities are in crisis. They need
                                                                                                                                                                                                       more money now. Disadvantaged stu-
the top universities.                                  Other landmark announcements in the Bill                                                                                                        dents at Cambridge and APU, strug-
   My position on this has not changed. That
is why I was opposed to the Higher Education
Bill when it was first published and why I
                                                    included the proposal to reintroduce grants and
                                                    mandatory bursaries for the least advantaged
                                                    students of more than £3000 a year, the cre-
                                                                                                           more money now”                                                                             gling without any grants or bursaries,
                                                                                                                                                                                                       cannot afford to wait for the new sup-
                                                                                                                                                                                                       port package. No Bill would mean no
worked very hard as the Bill passed through         ation of the Office of Fair Access to oblige uni-                         attempted to charge higher fees. The Langlands                  grants, no deferred fees and no easier debt repay-
the House of Commons to ensure that we did          versities to improve access schemes, increased                            Review will report in a year’s time and examine                 ments. The low level of loan would continue to
not get such a system in the UK. However, as        capacity of interest-free loans for students, and                         fee remission for those graduates who take low                  force students into commercial debt. Russell
the process has gone on, the Bill has been          more favourable restructuring of debt repay-         I did not want to    paid jobs in the public sector. Graduates who                   group universities, desperate for funds, would
transformed into something which will benefit       ments. The vast majority of students who             see an American      take low paid jobs or who become carers will                    continue to threaten to break away from the
all universities and direct far more money to       wrote to me strongly supported these initia-          style market in     have debts written off after 25 years.                          State system and charge everyone overseas stu-
students in need. It is a mistake to think we are   tives. They mark a real victory for those who       higher education...      Following these and other important amend-                   dents’ rates. I do not believe that the majority of
going down the American road, for we have           have campaigned for access.                                               ments and concessions, I voted for the third                    Cambridge students and constituents wanted
                                                                                                        My position on this
rejected it in favour of a system which                I worked hard, however, to persuade the                                reading of the Bill, confident that it would ben-               this to happen. And I hope that when students
entrenches the principle of ‘access for all’ into   Government to change its mind on several key         has not changed      efit students and universities. As Varsity has                  reflect on what I have worked for they will realise
our universities for the first time.                issues. My concerns centred on the importance                             noted, I did not support the government on the                  that I have striven hard to achieve the best possi-
   Many of the measures set out in the HE           of keeping the low fee cap and ensuring that it                           second reading, in the hope that I could work to                ble deal for Cambridge.

 Letters                                                                                                                                Cryptic crossword No.7: Set by Luke Pebody
                                                    Letters should be submitted no later than midnight
                                                    on Wednesday, and be as concise as possible. The
                                                    editors reserve the right to edit all copy. Write to: edi-

                                                               raise a toast to our hulking land economist heroes.
                 CUSU: Ugly?                                   Yours sincerely,
Dear Editors,
                                                               Robin Friday
Please never print that photo of Tim Stanley again. I          Churchill
certainly don’t think he should have been banned
from hustings on the basis of what he said, but,
frankly, his face is reason enough to bar him from
office altogether, and possibly send him down.                             Becks Text Sex Ex
Wes Streeting is better looking, perhaps, but not real-        Dear Editors,
ly up to our recent presidential standards. Are expec-
tations slipping? Lewis was boyband, Brinded is boy-           I have an offer to make you. I am one of David
next-door; Streeting, it pains me to say, is more bell-        Beckham’s lovers. I have asterisk free text messages,
boy.                                                           three sarongs and an alice band, and detailed measure-
                                                               ments. I am considerably better value than Rebecca
Leadership is all about image, Wesley: before you              Loos, and I’m proper posh, not like her. I think we
ascend to power, take my advice and get yourself a             have things to offer each other: what do you say?
nice makeover. In the meantime, keep it under you
hat. And let’s hope next year the Fashion Show and             I eagerly await your reply.
elections are sensibly combined, for all our sakes.            Yours faithfully
Now Gardies is going, presumably you need a new
campaign: save us from ugliness, Varsity! You’re our           (name and address supplied)
only hope!

Lesley Morton                                                                                                                      ACROSS                                                     DOWN

                                                                  TCS in letter faking scam?                                       1 Worker near the border of a northeastern county. (6)
                                                                                                                                   5 The king's namesake or half of a comedy double act?
                                                                                                                                                                                               2 Female trumpeter who escaped the ring. (6)
                                                                                                                                                                                               3 Period since sea ran around. (11)
                                                                                                                                   (8)                                                         4 Ancient farmer, or newscaster. (9)
  Merrily Down The Stream                                      Dear Varsity                                                        9 Cold antiseptic. (8)
                                                                                                                                   10 Clothes wrapped in vinyl on silk. (6)
                                                                                                                                                                                               5 Character of a bore. (7)
                                                                                                                                                                                               6 Nick's back at NASA, almost. (5)
Dear Editors,                                                        How low can they go? The word on the street is,               11 Willingness to look about the same. (6)                  7 Combine elements centrally to get a fish. (3)
                                                               your ‘rivals’ have started making up letters for publica-           12 "A kind of magic": a hit for a recorder. (5,3)           8 Introvert is hiding a fellow capitalist. (8)
Finally, a reason to be proud of Cambridge. I am refer-        tion. Take this week’s issue, for instance: one of their            14 One who doesn't respect boundaries must be shot         13 Backwards country in the style of french swelling and
ring, of course, to the 150th boat race, which our proud       letters, from someone called Zoe, praised TCS for                   down! (5,7)                                                the middle of returned capital. (5,6)
lads won by a thumping margin. One of them was even            being ‘a pleasure’ - surprising enough in itself – and              17 Can our lad cut around a batty Eastern European?        15 Ate sundae, danced and became ill. (9)
an undergraduate!                                              goes on to sing the praises of the, er, captions: ‘a blend          (5,7)                                                      16 Cartoon character with insignificant voice. (3,5)
                                                               of American brahsness (sic) and British dry wit.’                   20 Journalists in a kitchen installation, originally for   18 This girl is a considerable bother! (7)
Have machiavellian brains and disproportionate brawn                                                                               social events. (5-3)                                       19 It is best to take care, if he is around. (6)
ever combined to such devastating effect? These men –          Right. This is compelling evidence: does anyone out-                22 Throw suede around unknown issues. (6)                  21 Sensory ring collector. (5)
demi-Gods, I should say – deserve our adulation. Can           side their immediate circle really know (or care) about             23 Crystal invites Joe inside. (6)                         24 Allow a free service.(3)
anyone with a link to the university deny shedding a lit-      their transatlantic connections? If the editors really              25 Counter is untidy in a depot. (8)
tle tear when cox Acer Nethercott spotted the chance of        imagine so, well, it’s very sweet. A remarkably similar             26 Act slimy, confused, and strange. (4,4)
victory?                                                       tone to Editor Strimpel’s own musings, as well, espe-               27 Area with sound of matching entrances. (6)
                                                               cially when she Gets To Thinking. If Zoe Leigh really
A picture of sporting excitement, his innocent little bot-     exists, I apologise for my libellous suggestions instant-
tom lip aquiver with glee, young Acer, oblivious to his        ly; otherwise, TCS, j’accuse.                                                                                 Last week’s answers
microphone and the 8.9m television audience, cried:
‘Now let’s fuck them!’ And a legend was born, for fuck         Yours sincerely,                                                      ACROSS: 1. BRIGHT EYES 7. GOLF 9. STABBING 10. LEAGUE 11. BON MOT 13.
them we did.                                                                                                                         UNHEEDED 14. MANUFACTURER 17. TOTAL ECLIPSE
                                                               Allan A Johns                                                         20. SPLIT PEA 21. LASSIE 22. BOXERS 23. LIAISONS 25. TSAR 26. OF THE HEART
Noble sentiments indeed, and what a relief it is to see the                                                                           DOWN: 2. RATIONAL 3. GOB 4. TWIST 5. YOGHURT 6. SULPHURIC 7. GRAPEFRUITS
Corinthian ideal living on in our best and brightest. I                                                                              8. LAUREL 12. MOUNTAINEER 15. ANTIPASTO 16. ASSIGNER 18. LEAFLET 19. SPOONS
                                                                                                                                     21. LEAVE 24. SUE
12 OPINION      April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                                        Eighteen people were killed in Etienne      answers. This is all very well with CUSU
  Archie                                                                                                             Niyonzima’s house. Six hundred and
                                                                                                                     forty-seven died in his neighbourhood.
                                                                                                                                                                    elections, or the rights and wrongs of
                                                                                                                                                                    CICCU’s advertising campaign; but what

                                                                                                                     His wife was shot, but survived, though        use is opinion in the face of this?
                                                                                                                     she lost her arms. All sixty-four people          All you can do is remember it. Ten
                                                                                                                     on her side of the family were murdered.       years is a long time. But what happened
                                                                                                                     His son was killed with a machete. But         in Rwanda remains clearly visible as one
                                                                                                                     Niyonzima’s other children survived, and       of the most disturbing examples of the
                                                                                                                     his account, also to Gourevitch, is above      capacity of ordinary men and women to
  WE FAILED IN RWANDA. WHAT HOPE                                                                                     all that of a man who believes he was          do terrible things, and as one of the great
  FOR SUDAN’S VICTIMS?                                                                                               lucky: ‘Quite honestly, I don’t understand     stains on the conscience of the interna-
                                                                                                                     at all how I was saved.’                       tional community.
                                                                                                                        In one sense, no-one was really saved          In spite of which: in Sudan today, the
                                                 makes to our conception of the loss.             We all failed      from the genocide in Rwanda, Tutsi or          Zurga tribe face extermination, and Kofi

     know it says ‘opinion’ at the top of
     the page, but there are events which          There are so many numbers. Break it          hopelessly in our    Hutu. Such monumental, widespread car-         Annan has said that ‘the risk of genocide
     remain impervious to commentary,            down: six people were killed every               duty to the        nage cannot fail to touch every single indi-   is frighteningly real’. And the global
and resist any attempt at understanding.         minute, every hour, every day, for one           Hutu people        vidual in a society, and there are children    community dithers, and no-one knows
   For instance: exactly ten years ago,          hundred days. Contextualise it: 200,000                             unborn whose lives will be affected by it.     about it, just like no-one knew about
Rwanda was overwhelmed with death.                                                                                                                                  Rwanda, and of those that do know about
Eight hundred thousand Tutsis and Hutu
moderates (which is to say, Hutus who
would not murder their friends and
neighbours) were killed, in the most effi-
cient genocide since the Holocaust. It
                                                       Ten years on, how                                                                                            it, it is still referred to as a civil war, just
                                                                                                                                                                    like Rwanda, and the UN has still not
                                                                                                                                                                    acted, just like Rwanda, and it could hap-
                                                                                                                                                                    pen all over again.
                                                                                                                                                                       This is not opinion at all, really. And it
was a literal decimation, and it was not far
from being the total extermination of a
people. The UN failed hopelessly in its
duty to the Hutu people, responding to a
fax from its representative in Rwanda,
                                                      can the wounds of                                                                                             breaks the other cardinal rule of writing
                                                                                                                                                                    student opinion pieces: focus on the local,
                                                                                                                                                                    because there are lots of people better
                                                                                                                                                                    informed than you about the wider ques-
                                                                                                                                                                    tions, and at least you have a niche when
which proved beyond any reasonable
doubt that a genocide was in the offing,
with – extraordinarily – nothing other
than a rejection of protection for the
source, who promptly disappeared. The
                                                     genocide be healed?                                                                                            it comes to Gardies.
                                                                                                                                                                       Nevertheless, here it is, because it’s
                                                                                                                                                                    worth reminding ourselves, simply to
                                                                                                                                                                    remember, and you can’t do it too many
                                                                                                                                                                    times. Anyone who wonders why we
genocide was preventable, and we did             children were orphaned. Expand it:                                  Everyone, just about, is related to someone    should continue to think about this,
nothing to prevent it.                           535,000 women were raped, and of the                                who died, or someone who killed.               despite the total absence of answers, need
   That a paragraph change is the closest        survivors, around two thirds contracted                                                                            only look to Sudan. Rwandans need to

one can come to forcing a pause in a piece       AIDS.                                                                          he hardest thing for Rwanda is      find a future, and it is their duty to move
of journalism is an expession of what a dis-        All useless. Focus it, then. Laurent                                        finding a way to move on.           on, for they cannot help but mourn; but it
mally inadequate way of expressing horror        Nkongoli was lucky. He survived, for no                                        Justice becomes an irrelevant       is our duty to remember, because forget-
this is. In fact, horror is not really the       reason other than blind luck. He told the                           concept when murder takes place on this        ting is too easy, and this must never hap-
right word, because horror requires com-         American journalist Philip Gourevitch: ‘I                           scale: it is impracticable. But for widows     pen again.
prehension, at least, and eight hundred          had accepted death. At a certain moment                             and orphans to live next door to those
thousand is a meaningless number. Joseph         this happens. One hopes not to die cru-                             who killed their family – it is an intolera-
Stalin, an expert in the field, was right: the   elly, but one expects to die anyway. Not                            ble burden. How can these two funda-             We wish to inform you that tomorrow we
death of one is a tragedy; a million deaths      death by machete, one hopes, but with a                             mental truths be reconciled?                   will be killed with our families, by Philip
is a statistic. May as well be eight million     bullet. If you were willing to pay for it,                            The thing about writing an opinion           Gourevitch, is available in Picador
or eight billion for all the difference it       you could often ask for a bullet.’                                  column is, it implies an easy facility with

                                                                                                                     every night out for the next two years.        jab and a stiff drink, she made it to the
                                                                                                                        Last week, and two years on, I was get-     Ball like Cinderella just before twelve -
                                                                                                                     ting glammed up to go to a 21st Birthday       but ended up spending most of the night

                                                                                                                     party and in my usual way I was trying to      sitting on a chair with her foot resting on
                                                                                                                     do 25 million things at once and not con-      an icepack... and she still has the scars...
                                                                                                                     centrating on any of them. What exactly        but not the hair straighteners!
                                                                                                                     happened though remains a bit of mys-
                                                                                                                     tery – all I know is that moments after

                                                                                                 Girls will always   whatever did happen, I was in indescrib-                 efore my recent accident, when I
                                                                                                want their make-     able pain, bruised and bleeding, with my                 still had the ability to read trashy
                                                                                                up and their tools   eyelashes no longer on my eye lids but in                magazines, I read about a rather
                                                                                                   for change        my curlers. Suffice to say I shan’t be using   hirsute young lady who fell asleep whilst
                                                                                                                     eyelash curlers ever, ever, ever again. They   depilating her top lip. Many hours later
                                                      A boyfriend once watched me in                                 have been consigned to the bin - or more       she woke in agony with the skin of her

    ’ve never taken much notice of the
    proverb “less haste more speed”.             amazement as I set about my laborious                               precisely the skip at Homerton where I         top lip missing. Guess where she ended
    Shame that, as I now find myself             beauty routine ready for a night out. As I                          tossed them in rage as I set off for A&E.      up? Yep, A&E. Many months and several
two weeks into term back en famille with         clamped the curlers down on my eyelash-                                I’m not the only one who has been           skin grafts later, she is heavily scarred.
impaired vision, no eyelashes on one eye         es, ensuring the metal strip was positioned                         incapacitated as the result of a cosmetic        So what’s the common thread, apart
and an extremely bruised ego.                    firmly in the fold of my eye, he winced.                            catastrophe though, and it is actually         from them all ending up in A&E?
                                                                                                                     more common than one would suppose.            They’re all young women who see imper-

The devil makes
                                                                                                                        A friend of mine inadvertently              fection in themselves rather than accept-
                                                                                                                     removed a large mole whilst shaving her        ing the way they look. We’re never happy
                                                                                                                     legs in a hurry with a disposable ladies       with what we’ve got. I for one would love
                                                                                                                     razor. This was described by A&E as “a         to have the curly hair of my friend who
                                                                                                                     medical emergency” as it was very diffi-       has spent many, many hours trying to get

work for idle
                                                                                                                     cult to stem the flow of blood. She even       hers as poker straight as mine. At school
                                                                                                                     had to have a blood transfusion. It goes to    I used to sleep in curlers sometimes only
                                                                                                                     show that just because a ladies razor is       for the curls to have dropped out before
                                                                                                                     pink it doesn’t make it any less lethal than   the end of morning registration!
                                                                                                                     the male variety! Despite this my friend         I’m not suggesting for one minute that

eyelash curlers
                                                                                                                     remarkably still uses the same method of       we girls have a ritualistic burning of our
                                                                                                                     hair removal for her legs!                     mascaras and lipsticks (I feel naked with-
                                                                                                                        Another friend had a very unfortunate       out mine) but I do think we take unnec-
                                                                                                                     accident on the night of a May Ball last       essary risks to change things that only we
                                                                                                                     summer. She was rushing around                 notice. Girls will always want their make-
  The cause of my enforced convalescence         “They look lethal. Don’t they hurt?”, he                            straightening her hair, helping a friend       up and their tools for change but for my
chez Foley was a rather unfortunate mishap       asked. Surveying the finished result he                             with her make-up, making a phone call          peace of mind and for the longevity of
with a pair of eyelash curlers. Eyelash          raised a critical eyebrow – “there’s no dif-                        and trying to decide which bag to take         your eyelashes and more importantly,
curlers, which so befuddle the opposite sex,     ference... why bother using them?”                                  when she trod on the upturned plug of          your eyesight, I implore you to throw
and are an essential in many ladies’ make-       Dismissing him as a typical subtlety-lack-                          her electric hair straighteners. Her           away your eyelash curlers. They are very,
up boxes double as a lethal instrument of        ing boy I continued with my incredibly                              screams could be heard at the other end        very dangerous. Lecture over.
pain and torture - as I can now testify!         important eyelash curling ritual before                             of college! After a trip to A&E, a tetanus
Welcome to Varsity’s Listings pull-out.With our experts’ top recommendations below, Listings

is your essential weekly guide to what’s on in Cambridge over the next seven days.

   T H E AT R E                        V I S U A L                          CL ASSICAL                                    MUSIC                                       FILM

Rocking Horse Theatre Company        Spring is traditionally a season of    CUCO's final concert of the year de-   The self-canonising Norwegian,          Mike Hodges’ new crime thriller, I’ll
presents Martin Crimp’s The          new beginnings. To witness the         serves a good audience. Even if it     Thomas Hansen, is a purveyor of         Sleep When I’m Dead features Clive
Country. This sparse psychologi-     visual arts equivillant, head down     means worrying about what you're       alt. country folk and unfortunate       Owen as former gangster living in
cal drama explores the disturbed     to London's Saatchi Gallery for a      not doing, get down to West Road       faux kiddie album-artwork. With         rural Wales. If that sounds like all the
triangle created when doctor,        sensational assortment of works        and see how much listening to          any luck, though, none of this will     makings of a knockabout comedy,
                                     by the latest proteges on the con-
Richard, brings the body of an un-                                          Ravel's wonderful piano concerto       be on display when he plays the         then prepare for a surprise. This is
                                     temporary art scene. New Artists:
conscious young woman back to                                               can make you not care!                 Portland Arms on Wednesday 5th          the man that directed Get Carter,
                                     'New Blood; is running until the 4th
his wife and home. Corpus            of July and includes everything        Sat 1st May, 8pm, West Road Concert    May. See Music page for more info       after all. Q&A session with the di-
Playroom 4th-8th May 7pm             but the kitchen sink.                  Hall '£12, £8 (conc), £3 (students)                                            rector follows. 30th April, 9pm, Arts

                                       Applications welcomed for Michaelmas 2004 and May Week Positions

                                                                                                                                           BE IT
                                                                                                E D I TO R

                                                                                                                                                         Contact Sam Gallagher
                                                                                                                                                          for more information
                                                                                                                                                                on any position
L2       LISTINGS                      30 APRIL 04

                                                                                               Tuesday                                 Wednesday                               Friday

    F I L M                                  M I S C                                           Cambridge Dancers' Club:
                                                                                               Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash
                                                                                               Course. St Matthew's School, Broad
                                                                                                                                       Cambridge Dancers' Club:
                                                                                                                                       Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash
                                                                                                                                                                               Cambridge Dancers' Club:
                                                                                                                                                                               Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash
Sunday                                                                                         Street. 7pm. £2.                        St Columba's Hall, Downing Street.      St Columba's Hall, Downing Street.
                                                                                                                                       9pm. £2.                                7pm. £2.
Queens' Films:                            Cambridge Dancers' Club:
                                                                                               Cambridge Dancers' Club:
Rabbit-Proof Fence.                       Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash
                                                                                               Salsa Crash Course.                     Cambridge Dancers' Club:                CUCBC & LMBC:
Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall.        Course.
                                                                                               St Paul's School, Coronation Street.    Salsa Crash Course.                     Indoor Rowing 8 x 500m relay race.
9pm. £2.                                  St Columba's Hall, Downing Street.
                                                                                               7pm. £2.                                St Paul's School, Coronation Street.    Entries online,
                                          7pm. £2.
                                                                                                                                       7pm. £2.                                West Road Concert Hall, 5pm.
St John's Films:
                                                                                               Cambridge Dancers' Club:
Sylvia - with Gwyneth Paltrow, filmed     Chabad Society:
                                                                                               Swing Dance Crash Course.                                                       LMBC:
partially in Cambrigde.                   Russian Shabbat: Rusian food, drink                                                          Thursday
                                                                                               St Columba's Hall, Downing Street.                                              Concept 2 Cambridge University
St. John's College, Fisher Building.      and atmosphere.                                                                              Cambridge Dancers' Club:
                                                                                               7pm. £2.                                                                        Sprint Relays.
7pm. £2.                                  Chabad House 15 Grange Road, 8pm.                                                            Authentic Rock and Roll Dancing         West Road Concert Hall, 5pm. £16.
                                                                                               Cambridge Dancers' Club:                Crash Course.
St John's Films:                          Saturday                                                                                     St Paul's School, Coronation Street.
                                                                                               Offbeat Dance Class.
Sylvia.                                   Cambridge Dancers' Club:                                                                     7pm. £2.
                                                                                               St Columba's Hall, Downing Street.
St. John's College, Fisher Building.      Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash                     9:15pm. £2.
10pm. £2.                                 Course.                                                                                      Culanu:
                                          St Paul's School, Coronation Street.                 Culanu:                                 Lunch & Learn: Come feast on beigels,
Trinity Films:                            2pm. £2.                                                                                     hummous and gems of Hebraic wis-
                                                                                               Improve Your Memory and Learn to
Blue Velvet by David Lynch, 1986 (18).                                                                                                 dom!.
                                                                                               Relax with John Levine...
Admission Free.                           CU Bowmen (Archery):                                                                         King's College, The Chetwynd Room.
                                                                                               The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St,
                                                                                                                                                                                     MEZE HOUSE
Trinity College, Winstanley Lecture       Cambridge BUTTS - Last leg of the                                                            1pm.
                                                                                               between Oxfam and The Galleria.
Theatre. 8:30pm.                          tournament.                                          8pm. £2.
                                          Sidney Sussex Sportsground,                                                                  Kick Bo:                                Party bookings up to 50 available
Monday                                    Huntingdon Road. 10:30am.                                         Non-contact aerobics using kicking
Film Screening and Talk:                                                                       Speed Dating: "Musical chairs with      and punching moves of Martial-Arts          Downstairs Cocktail Bar
Jean-Luc Godard's VIVRE SA VIE            Monday                                               chemistry". Great fun, please book in   (tcl25). New Hall, Long Room.
(1962) introduced by Colin MacCabe.                                                                                                    7pm. £2.                                 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT
                                          Cambridge Dancers' Club:                             advance. The Anchor Pub,
Cambridge Arts Picturehouse, .            Ballroom and Latin Dancing Crash           
6:30pm. £4.                               Course. St Paul's School, Coronation
                                                                                                                                                                                   17 Hills Road, Cambridge
                                                                                               7:30pm. £4.                                                                                01223 566900
                                          Street. 7:30pm. £2.
Eastern/Central European Film Club:                                                            Wednesday                               Thursday                                Friday
Gypsy Lore/Romani Kris by B.
Gyongyossy (1997). Hungarian with
English subtitles.
                                                 TA L K                                        2nd Annual Disability Lecture:
                                                                                               Can Genetics Solve the Disability
                                                                                               Problem? by Dr Tom Shakespeare.
                                                                                                                                       CICCU: Does God just not
                                                                                                                                       care?(Romans 1; 18-32). Queens'
                                                                                                                                       College, Fitzpatrick Hall. 1pm.
                                                                                                                                                                               The Passion of the Christ: Who Killed
                                                                                                                                                                               Jesus? (LUNCH PROVIDED).
Caius College, Bateman Auditorium.                                                             St. John's College, Palmerston Room,                                            Sidgwick Site, Meade Room. 1pm.
8pm.                                      Friday                                               Fisher Building. 5pm.                   Culanu:
                                          CICCU:                                                                                       Dr Ghilad Zuckermann: The Story of
                                          How can we believe in God in a world                 Culanu:                                 the Hebrew Language...                  St John's College Linacre Lecture:
                                          without meaning?                                     Jewish-Christian Dialgue: Still Some    The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St,       Professor Stephen O'Rahilly of the
                                          LUNCH PROVIDED.                                      Lessons to Learn? All Welcome!.         between Oxfam and The Galleria.8pm.     Department of Biochemistry,
                                          Sidgwick Site, Meade Room. 1pm.                      The Culanu Centre, 33a Bridge St,                                               'Obesity and the hard-wiring of
                                                                                               between Oxfam and The Galleria.8pm.     Kettle's Yard:                          human appetite'.
                                          Saturday                                                                                     Gallery talk - Attila Csorgo, lasting   Downing Site, Physiological
                                          Kettle's Yard:                                                                               about 30 mins.                          Laboratory, Lecture Theatre 1. 5pm.
              Slyvia, 15                  Gallery talk - Attila Csorgo, approx 30                                                      Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm.
   Sunday 2nd May - 7pm & 10pm            mins. Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm.

        Runaway Jury , PG
   Sunday 9th May - 7pm & 10pm

             Shrek , PG
   Sunday 16th May - 7pm & 10pm                           You are cordially invited to attend

                                                  The second Annual Semitic Philology Lecture

       The Last Samurai, 12
  Sunday 23rd May - 7pm & 10pm                Trees and Waves: On the Classification of the

                                                                  Semitic Languages

   Something’s Gotta Give, PG
   Sunday 30th May - 7pm & 10pm                             Professor John Huehnergard

                                                                      Harvard University

        Spirited Away , PG
                                                               5.00pm, Tuesday 25th May, 2004
   Sunday 6th June - 7pm & 10pm               The Runcie Room, Faculty of Divinity, West Road (Sidgwick Site)

                                                                   Followed by a reception

      Along Came Polly, PG
  Thursday 10th June - 7pm & 10pm          The lecture will present a broad view of the Semitic languages in the Near

                                                                East and their interrelationship

                                             RSVP: Geoffrey Khan, Faculty of Oriental Studies, Sidgwick Avenue,                            Cambridge, CB3 9DA. Email:

                                                                                                                                              30 APRIL 04                 LISTINGS               L3

         Special offer with this cut-out

                                                                                                                                                 Great tasting,
                                                                                                                                                  great value
                                                                                                                                                   pizza for
                                                                                                                                                 and collection

                                                                                                                                           DOMINOS CAMBRIDGE:
                                                                                                                                             01223 355155
                                                                                                                                             27 HILLS ROAD, CAMBRIDGE, CB2 1NW


     MUSIC                             Clare ents:
                                       Fat poppadaddys party hosted by the
                                       Fez boys.
                                                                               The Boiler Room at St John's returns
                                                                               for the last time this year with hip-hop
                                                                               from Dj CHEMO (Frontline/Kung Fu)
                                                                                                                          Peterhouse Music Society:
                                                                                                                          Ben Moore (violin), Mark Berry
                                                                                                                                                               Cambridge Guitar Club:
                                                                                                                                                               Bring your guitar and play or come
                                                                                                                                                               listen. 8pm start. Info (01223) 565552
                                       Clare College, Clare cellars.           and Old Skool Drum n Bass from Dj          (piano): Bach, Schumann, Busoni,
                                       9pm. £4/3.                              Sharife. £3 B4 10.30/ £4 after. Bring      Ysaye. Peterhouse, Combination       nities/sites/cam-guitar-club.
Chris Ingham Jazz Trio.                                                        student ID.                                Room. 8:45pm.                        St Luke's Centre, Victoria Road,
                                       Kettle's Yard:                                                                                                          Cambridge CB4 3DZ,
Mumford Theatre, Anglia, .
                                       Lunch time concert, lasting approx 40   Queens' Ents:                              Wake Up Screaming:                   8pm. £Entrance £3 (students £1).
                                       mins. Kettle's Yard, 1:10pm.            DIRRTY. Red Hot Hip-Hop.                   Hard Rock / Metal clubnight, cheap
Cambridge Gamelan Society:                                                     Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall.         drinks before 11.                    Friday
Traditional gamelan music and dance    Saturday                                9pm. £4.                                   The Kambar, Wheeler Street.          APU:
from Java.                             Clare ents; C.R.Y.P.T.I.C:                                                         9pm. £3.50/2.50(mem).                Anglia Sinfonia Voices:
West Road Concert Hall, Faculty of     New breaks and beats night, with spe-   Sunday                                                                          Berio's A-Ronne for eight amplified
Music.                                 cial guest Krafty Kuts .                Fitzwilliam College Music Society:         Wednesday                            voices. Mumford Theatre, Anglia,
7:30pm. £4.                            Clare College, Clare cellars.           LEAVERS' CONCERT: Last chance to           Jesus College Music Society:         1:10pm.
                                       9pm. £4.                                see these student performers!.             Pete Collins:
Cambridge Gamelan:                                                             Fitzwilliam College, Fitzwilliam           A programme of songs for tenor.      Queens' Ents:
Spectacular dance and music event in   Queens' Ents:                           Chapel. 8pm.                               Jesus College Chapel, .              LONG BEACH BOOTY PARTY.
traditional Javanese Gamelan style.    DIRRTY. Red Hot Hip-Hop.                                                           9pm.                                 Hottest RNB / Hip Hop in
West Road Concert Hall, West Road      Queens' College, Fitzpatrick Hall.                                                                                      Cambridge. Queens' College,
Concert Hall. 7:30pm. £6 / £4.         9pm. £4.                                                                                                                Fitzpatrick Hall. 9pm. £4.

                                                                               Friday                                            Model for artists! £11 ph.
                                                                               ADC: Hedda Gabler. The Octagon, St.          Interesting, occasional work. Find
                                                                               Chads, 7:45pm. £5.
                                                                                                                               out more. Tel: 01223 571816.
                                                                               Framed Theatre:                          
                                                                               Iniquitous - dark comedy exploring

                                                                               the understanding of mental illness.

                                                                               Mumford Theatre, Anglia, East Road.
                                                                                                                                               SUMMER JOBS ON
                                                                               Box Office: 01223 352932.
                                                                                                                                                  THE MED
                                                                               7:30pm. £9.50 (£8.00 concessions).

                                                                                                                                        Discover the easy way of getting a
                                                                                                                                             summer job in the most
                                                                                          NO DIET DAY                                    popular locations on the MED.
                                                                                      THURS 6th MAY
                                                                                                                                         We handle the hassle of looking
                                                                               Annual event to promote healthy                                 for your ideal job.
                                                                               body image and healthy lifestyle                              Visit and apply now at
                                                                                  Picnic @ Newnham Gardens
                                                                                   6.30 onward All Welcome!

                                To view more listings visit
                                                                                                  EDINBURGH FESTIVAL 2004
                                                                                            Solve your accommodation problems by calling Carole
                                                                                                            Smith/ Anne Goring
                                                                                                               on 01620 810620
                                                                                                      email address:
                                                                                                                  or write to
                                                                                                     Festival Flats, 3 Linkylea Cottages,
                                                                                                      Gifford, East Lothian, EH41 4PE

                                                                                              The Fletcher Players, Corpus Christi
                                                                                             College and the Cambridge Arts Theatre
                                                                                                      invite applications to:

                                                                                                            Direct / Produce
                                                                                                        at the Corpus Playroom
                                                                                                        Michaelmas Term 2004

                                                                                               Application forms available now from
                                                                                                       Corpus Prter’s Lodge

                                                                                                    Deadline: 12 noon on 8th June

                                                                                               All applicants and players welcome.
                                                                                             Contact Sarah (sc399) with any questions

                                                                                                    The Marlowe
                                                                                               invites applications for
                                                                                             DIRETOR and PRODUCER
                                                                                                     of the RSC
                                                                                              Other Prize winning play
                                                                                            Deadline Wednesday May 5th
                                                                                                For more info contact
                                                                                                  Christina (cje35)

Invites applications to direct
    in Michaelmas Term

  At Homerton or another
     Cambridge venue

  Deadline May 7th, 5pm

Application forms and info
           from                                                                                                                     ACTOR
                                            ADC / FOOTLIGHTS                                                                      Ferdinand in
                                                                                                                                  The Tempest
                                              2004 Pantomime                                                                 touring around Cambs
                                            Applications are invited from:                                                   expenses and profit share
                                                      WRITERS                                                             with professional practitioners
                                                    DIRECTORS                                                              June 17-20, 24-27, July 1-3.
                                                                                                                              Contact Collette Nicholls
                                                                                                                          on 07967 021050 or 01480 467717
                                 All enquires and applications to Raph on
                                                                                                                                to arrange audition
                                         Deadline for applications Friday 7th May

     For a comprehensive listings guide and to submit your own listings visit
                                                                                                                              The Golden Ass

                                                                                                      11th - 13th June
                                                                                                                                Sidney Sussex Garden

                                                                                                                                   Come and see the
                                                                                                                                 amazing donkey man!
                                                                                                                                                          PAGE FOURTEEN                                                                                                                                                                   April 30, 2004    13
                   Naked Female Mud Wrestling
...and other things Page Fourteen would like
to see at May Balls this year...
  1. Everyone with tickets for Magdelene giving         6. Chas and Dave. At every ball. Please God
them away to tramps.                                 let this happen – and why have Blazin Squad
  Come on, it would be worth it to see the car-      been chosen to do our Euro 2004 song instead of
nage in the morning.                                 these legends? This country’s going to the dogs.

   2. A thousand people mooning on the sur-            7. A naked female mudwrestling arena.
vivors photo for Johns.                              Someone’s got to do it.

   3. Someone punching any jugglers that               8. Queens finally taking after its name and
attempt to ‘entertain’ the queue to get in.          having Russell Grant, Julian Clary and Elton
                                                     John compering the main stage.

   4. The main act not turning up at Trinity           9. Likewise, Trinity from the Matrix at Trinity,
again. How we laughed when the Fun Lovin             Jim Robinson at Robinson and Clare Raynor at
Criminals had a bit too much fun before their        Clare.
slot in 2002.

   5. Female torso Vodka ice sculptures like the       10. A human spitroast as well as a hog roast.
ones in Footballers’ Wives. For that touch of        Actually, Newnham’s having a Ball this year isn’t
class.                                               it….                                                    Elton John, Julian Clary and Graham Norton re-enact the Darkness video at Queens’ Ball

                              Al Rushmer and Dave Fawbert’s
                                              PAGE FOURTEEN
            LISTINGS                                                                                      Scrabble - Back
  FOR SALE:                                     For Sale: Boatie types – need to
                                              improve your conversation skills?
  One Land Economy Degree,
unused condition.

 One careful owner
Matriculation). £5 O.N.O.
                                              Sick of not being able to talk about
                                              anything but the dull life that is row-
                                              ing? Fancy making some new friends
                                              that get up at a sane hour?
                                                                                                          With a Vengeance
                                                Sign up now to our low cost course
                                              to learn new talents and improve your
  Wanted: good prices paid                    social competence! Book now in time
for dissertations, prefer-                    for May Week. Discounts offered for
ably SPS based (though I’m                    group bookings (eight minimum).
really not fussy), by 5pm
Friday 30th April at the                        Other courses offered including
very latest.                                  “Learning to Communicate without
  Severe panic has now set                    binary code – A Compsci Perspective”
in.    Please   help   me,                    and “SPS students - What to do when
please. Oh God what am I                      not sleeping”. Call now for a full black
going to do? I’ve had 6                       and white brochure!
sodding months and I’ve
gone and left it to now.
                                                    Lost: sanity. Thought to be stolen from the                                                                                                                  Varsity Archive
  I really need one, I’ll                        Wren Library within 2 hours of the beginning
do anything, and I really                        of term.
mean anything. Only four
days until the deadline
and ten-thousand words to                           Lost: my dignity went missing without
write. Bollocks.                                 trace on Suicide Sunday 2003, needs to
                                                 be found or replaced before the same                     That Scrabble board once more, for the ladies
                                                 date this year.
 For Sale: a disastrous hair-                                                                               And so, everything that has a beginning has an end but sadly no lucrative cash offer is going to con-
cut, willing to trade for a semi                   Self-respect also disappeared on the                   vince us to return with “Page Fourteen Reloaded” or “Page Fourteen Revolutions” – we have principles
decent one.                                      same day. Last seen rapidly disappearing                 thank you very much. Well, that and nothing, literally nothing left to write. All creative genius has been
                                                 during a drinking society initiation cere-               sapped out of us.
  Cost over £30 new                              mony.
                                                                                                             Judging from the feedback we peaked a little too soon, a common problem, and our finest hour by a
                                                   Substantial reward offered for safe                    country mile was in our very first issue: the ongoing debate over college Scrabble™ scores. A big thank
                                                 return.                                                  you to all those painfully anal individuals who wrote in and provided moments of unbridled hilarity with-
                                                                                                          in the hallowed Varsity corridors. Varsity did in fact receive significantly more correspondence over this
  Wanted: ok, if I can’t get hold of a dis-        For Sale: a selection of bikes all                     issue than either “Top-up Fees’ or primate labs. Who said students were apathetic? The country is clearly
sertation then can anyone let me have any        in great but slightly damp condi-                        in safe hands.
decent excuses?                                  tion (usually from fresh clean

  And I’m not talking “my computer
                                                 Cam water).
                                                                                                                          Thanks for reading....
crashed”, I need world class, monstrous           Can also provide bikes to order,
style ones that would convince a
Peterhouse student to go straight.
                                                 maybe even re-unite you with
                                                 your stolen bike! Provide your                                        Meet us for a drink sometime
                                                 own lock-picking equipment.
                                                                                                                             It’s Your Round
   April 30, 2004

          varsity                                                                                                      arts

                                                                                                                                                                        Lydia Wilson
                                                                                       roughly the same as they are now. Unfortunately,      tle. Bill and Ted went on an excellent adventure;

                                  he future. Many have tried to predict it.            for Charlie, James, Matt and their anonymous          soon after it was a bogus journey.
                                  Historically, none have got it right. I mean         drummer, “not much has changed” can mean that            I’ll see in you in the future, then. Don’t bother
                                  look at George Orwell. By his reckoning              humans have evolved gills and your “great-great-      packing your swimming costume.
                          1984 was going to be all Big Brother this, dou-              great-granddaughter” looks pretty fine despite
Welcome to                blethink that, beer served in metric units, rats on
                          your head and shagging in woods. How wrong
                                                                                       being approximately 837-years-old. Maybe they
                                                                                       should have spent less time looking down their
                                                                                                                                             The VarsityArts Guide to The Future

                          can a man be? Everyone knows we didn’t have                  teacher’s top and paid more attention to her          1. The Jetsons or Futurama?
                          Big Brother till summer 2000. Davina McCall                  maths lesson. The berks.                              2. Back To The Future II, Space Odessy 2001,
                          was only 17 in 1984 (imagine that! I have) and                  A clever loophole is to create art of the future      Bladerunner
                          Jade Goody was only two (a reading age she’s                 rather than about the future. In this way you can     3. Italy’s Futurism art movement (1919ish).

    The                   now tripled). I drank several pints of beer last
                          night, not litres. And as for rat torture, we didn’t
                          get that till I’m a Celebrity... or, at the earliest, Fort
                                                                                       avoid being judged in the present. Marty McFly
                                                                                       (not be confused with Marty Busted) had the
                                                                                       right idea when, after stunning his mom’s 1950s
                                                                                                                                                With an appreciation of noise, grime and the
                                                                                                                                                city the reversed traditional notions of beau-
                                                                                                                                                ty. Shame they were a bunch of facists.
                          Boyard. And Paul Merton invented Room 101.                   prom crowd into silence with his far-out guitar       4. Year 3000, Busted - Their grasp of simple
                             Nope, 1984 was all nuclear protest, miners on             solo in Back to the Future, he quiped: “You people       arithmetic may be dodgy but their eye-
                          strike and people pretending to like hip-hop. It             might not be ready for that kind of music yet …          brows are heavenly.
                          was quite a warm summer though, so there may                 but your kids are gonna love it!”                     5. 1984 - George Orwell, Brave New World -

Future                    have been some al fresco bonking (there’s a nice
                          forested area near Greenham Common).
                             Our contemporary arty folk are trying a bit
                          harder. Let’s take, for example, Busted (they were
                          1, -1 and –1 in 1984). When they journeyed (via
                                                                                          Not everyone has a “doctor” friend capable of
                                                                                       whizzing them off to various points in the space-
                                                                                       time continuum with hilarious consequences.
                                                                                       However, we can be fairly sure, just as Busted in
                                                                                       their own warped way are, that the future will be
                                                                                                                                                Aldous Huxley, We - Yevgeny Zamyatin.
                                                                                                                                             6. - just call me
                                                                                                                                                E.L.L.E.N (Electronic Lifeform Limited to
                                                                                                                                                Exploration and Nullification)
                                                                                                                                             7. The works of Nostradamus - WW3 will only
                          the medium of song) to the year 3000, they came              kind of like now. Whereas once there was                 last “seven and twenty years,” apparently,
                          back admitting that “not much has changed”.                  Morecombe and Wise, there’s now Vic and Bob.             which given it began in 1999, means we’ll all
                          This is clever thinking on their part. When mak-             There was the blues; then we had the Rolling             be home in time for tea. Hurrah!
                          ing predictions it is always wise to predict some-           Stones and, later still, the White Stripes. In the    8. May Week Varsity - We haven’t started it yet
                          thing so far off in the future that no one can ever          Renaissance there was the artist Raphael; in             but when we’ve finished its gonna be amaz-
   Martin Hemming         prove you wrong. It is also wise to err on the side          Victorian England there were, confusingly, the           ing. Promise.
                          of caution and guess that things’ll probably be              pre-Raphaelites; in the 1990s he was a ninja tur-                        (list compiled by Ellen E. Jones)

            Music                                                            Classical                                                                  Theatre

            Songs about robots                                                Porno Pianissimo?                                                         Easy as ADC

            Page 20                                                           Page 17                                                                   Page 18
16 FILM          April 30, 2004

Kill Bill Thrills                                                                                                                                              Camerabridge
Niraj Modha reviews Tarantino’s latest                                                                                                                         The Cinecam Film Fesitval
                                                                                                                                                                        ristina Esconda’s Searching has         Mannequin Men explores the male
 Kill Bill Volume 2                                            ent are we from the image of ourselves         most importantly, it makes sense and                      a light bulb in it. Life with your   body with more than a nod to Genet.
                          Released on                          that we project? how far do our actions        doesn’t take itself too seriously.                        other half is like having the        Lucy Styles’ film contrasts the pale,
                                                               determine or justify our being? Deep.             I, for one, am thankful that this bloke       light bulb; breaking up is like losing        bland mask of the mannequin, placing it
                                                                  However, quite frankly, this film does-     isn’t still an anonymous video stacker in        your light bulb. But the film didn’t          in the possession of a brooding, danger-

           uentin Tarantino is a quintes-                      n’t require you to dwell on those interest-    some Los Angeles video store. It’s a trib-       actually feel this low budget.                ous male form. But this is so much more
           sential movie and music buff,                       ing questions if you can’t be bothered to      ute to Tarantino’s immense talent for                Searching was just one of the 16 short    than a car advert gone noir. A short play-
           and no-one’s complaining                            do so. It’s beautifully shot, the plot         script writing and sheer comic genius            films screened at this year’s Cinecam         ing with caress, abuse and fellatio ensues;
with            the likes of Johnny Cash,                      makes sense and the main characters are        that I can exhort you to watch it, if not        Film Festival. A capacity crowd hit           packing its tension into a tightly con-
Ennio Morricone and a Santana mix                              all fully developed, which immediately         for anything else, for Pai Mei’s high cal-       Robinson Auditorium for one of the            trolled use of framing Mannequin Men is
on the soundtrack to his much-antici-                          distinguishes this work of art from the        ibre beard-stroking and a discussion on          biggest events for student film in            a very sexy film.
pated follow-up of the Bride’s tale of                         drivel that’s been leaking like a kicked-in    Superman’s own social critique of the            Cambridge. Cristina Esconda’s film               Noah Charney’s Sleep of Reason con-
revenge. But you don’t have to be a                            urinal out of Hollywood over the last          world he dropped into from Krypton.              dwelt on the effect of desire upon the        jures up the world that is left in our cities
movie or music geek to really enjoy this                       few decades. This film is its own genre –                                                       lover, its imagery was economic but neat
film. Nor do you need to be an ultra-                                                                                                                          and provocative.
violent samurai-warrior fanatic.                                                                                                                                   But in the end it was Emma                   One of the biggest
   In fact, surprisingly, Kill Bill Volume 2                                                                                                                   Lightfoot’s After Things that swayed the
turns out to be less about violence and,                                                                                                                       judges’ attention. Her film covers a             events for student
perhaps, more about that really signifi-                                                                                                                       dystopia-fuelled Britain in which reality
cant period in a woman’s life – mother-                                                                                                                        is second best to imagination.Lightfoot          film in Cambridge
hood (but, despair not, budding kung-fu                                                                                                                        has the potential of this gripping new
artists, since this comes in equal measure                                                                                                                     medium sussed and uses it to reap bewil-      while we sleep. This is literally a silent
too). For, through his innovative non-                                                                                                                         dered, nervous laughs. After Things is        movie, one that takes the viewer for a
linear story-telling and Uma Thurman’s                                                                                                                         shot to hype Britishness every bit as         ride, testing their credulity and nerve.
simply brilliant performance as an assas-                                                                                                                      weird as The league of Gentleman and          Charney’s camera cuts between a lone
sin-turned-mother, Tarantino turns his                                                                                                                         pulls off an Anglophilic comedy. First        night walker, edgily rushing through the
proclivity for acerbic, inspired dialogue                                                                                                                      prize was a place at the Brighton Film        London streets and a strange masked
towards the task of creating something                                                                                                                         School summer course.                         figure that intervenes in what might
that could be interpreted as resembling a                                                                                                                           Among a programme spanning stu-          otherwise be a regular quiet night. A
‘souped-up’ BBC drama that juggles the                                                                                                                         dent-issues, flicks, science education ani-   haunting is in order as the spectral figure
dilemmas of responsibility and retribu-                                                                                                                        mes and the unforgettable Caesar              turns out to be a plague-warden one
tion, interspersed with the odd breath-                                                                                                                        Diamond Geezer were loads of films that       might normally expect to see in a histo-

taking action sequence.                                                                                                                                        dared to be different. La Double Vie          ry book. Sleep of Reason unsurprisingly
    The more cynical amongst the cine-                                                                                                                         meditates on a single enigmatic, double-      has more than one twist, ending in as
ma-going populace may question                                                                                                                                 sided woman who remains mysterious to         unsettling a manner as it began.
whether this entire enterprise could be a                                                                                                                      the camera. So shy, yet so provocative,          Of course, afterwards there was
money-making shtick; but, despite the                                                                                                                          Atta Chui’s subject draws on the camera       Robinson Bar.
imputed irony, there is the real concern                                                                                                                       and the anonymous man who controls
of the Bride’s identity issues: how differ-                                                                                                                    it.                                                                         Ollie Coates

                                                                                                                             On 28th May

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                                                                                                                                                                                  CLASSICAL                                                                                                                                                                           April 30, 2004      17
Classics crash into the 21st century
Ciaran Rhys Jenkins looks to the future

        lassical music has a future. It    Despite what this survey may reveal          at the heart of Mahler’s 1st
        is not dead, as many of its        about my erratic driving – I tend to         Symphony Finale – classical music’s
        doubters claim, because much       swerve slightly during the climaxes of       equivalent of tantric sex.
of the music written by western com-       Shostakovich symphonies – it does
posers over the last 400 years has         emphasise an important point: classi-
transcendental qualities which will        cal music overwhelmingly has the                 For most children
surpass the passage of time.               power to affect our emotions.
However, the very nature of these             ‘Popular-Classical’ music is there-           classical music is
virtues means that they reveal them-       fore futile. So-called ‘crossover’ artists
selves most often in the subtleties of     such as Vanessa Mae and Bond do not
the music itself, participation is         represent the future of classical music
therefore vital. At present there are      because their agenda is substantially           People need convincing that classi-
few opportunities for people to            more popular than classical in balance.      cal music can reach them in ways
become involved in making classical        The range of expression in a classical       which they might never have imag-
music, hence the widespread misun-         work is infinite, whereas popular music      ined. The key to this is education and
derstanding of its merits.                 is too often compromised by factors          participation. At present classical
   There is no doubting the impor-         relating to its genre and marketability.     music is largely the domain of the
tance of popular music: it gives youth        The substance of crossover acts is        privileged. The cost of musical instru-
culture a focus and provides a range of    not the music (as endless arrange-           ments and instrumental lessons makes
role-models and influences with            ments of Bach’s D minor Toccata and          classical music inaccessible to thou-
which people can identify. Cynical                                                      sands of youngsters.
theories regarding the aesthetically                                                       Fundamentally musical develop-
regressive nature of popular musics do       They could perform                         ment is available exclusively to those
not alter the fact that for many people                                                 with the ability to pay. Provision for
popular music is a passion, and                George Fornby                            musical education in the National
defines much about their image and                                                      Curriculum is woeful. Too much
the way they would like to be per-
                                              covers on electric                        emphasis is placed on biographical
ceived. Classical music is not in com-
petition with popular music, its qual-
                                              ukuleles but their                        details of composers, and too little on
                                                                                        encouraging children to learn the basic
ity is measured by a different yard-           appeal would                             skills of their own musical traditions.
stick, and its function is dissimilar.                                                  It is little wonder that for most chil-
   The Guardian reported last week              be the same                             dren classical music is dead.
that a new survey has demonstrated                                                         Participation is crucial to the future
that playing certain pieces of music in    Fugue testify) but packaging and per-        of classical music. Young people
the car is more likely to provoke dan-     sonality. Sexy string quartet Bond           should be given the opportunity to
gerous driving than others. Wagner’s       could perform jazzed-up George               learn staff notation and musical
Ride of the Valkyries and the Dies Irae
from Verdi’s Requiem are among the
five most perilous pieces, in addition
                                           Fornby songs on carefully fondled
                                           electric ukuleles, but their appeal
                                           would remain the same. The sexiness
                                                                                        instruments and explore the sensa-
                                                                                        tions of classical music for them-
                                                                                        selves. I continue to hope that with
                                                                                                                                    View from the stage
to Firestarter by the Prodigy, Red Alert   of music is vital as it provokes a raw       improvements in musical education                   ambridge’s spaghetti junction         ticularly in the Kyrie, where George
by Basement Jaxx, and Insomnia by          reaction with the human psyche.              the greater population could once                   of a concert caledar was in full      could have made the orchestra play
Faithless. The safest five tunes include   However, the masturbatory strum-             again indulge in classical music.                   swing again last weekend.             more quietly than they did. However
riveting numbers such as Norah             ming of guitars in today’s popular           Perhaps in future children will prefer      The stressed citizens of this city were       this is was the only minor fault in an
Jones’s Come Around with Me, and do        ‘kerrang’ style is a cheap thrill in com-    Beethoven to Britney and cars will          spoilt for choice as requiems, operas         excellent performance and one in
not feature any classical works.           parison with the great breakthrough          collide to the sound of Wagner.             and concerti contested for the lime-          which I was very glad to have taken
                                                                                                                                    light. Varsity got behind the scenes at       part.
                                                                                                                                    Trinity’s Verdi Requiem and at
                                                                                                                                    Fitzwilliam’s Concerts to celebrate           James Crawford, Tenor, Fitzwilliam

                                                                                                                                    the opening of their new auditorium.          College New Auditorium opening
                                                                                                                                                                                  concerts, April 24 and 25.
                                                                                                                                    Adam Balkwill, Trombone, Verdi                   Proper music. There’s nothing like
                                                                                                                                    Requiem, April 24, Trinity College            it. Really, there isn’t. Not that I have
                                                                                                                                    Chapel.                                       anything against your average
                                                                                                                                       Last Saturday I was fortunate              lunchtime recital. Quite the reverse in
                                           Robinson/Choir of St John’s College – Leighton                                           enough to play trombone in George             fact – I pop along to quite a few when
                                           Naxos                                                                                    Corbett’s TCMS production of Verdi’s          I get the chance, and (almost) always
                                                                                                                 Jonny Sells        Requiem. I had been drafted in late as a      enjoy them.
                                              Leighton should be more than familiar to the choral scholar scene in                  replacement for somebody else, and it            But there’s something about a real,
                                           Cambridge, but only through a few of his works. This disc devoted to his music           was already clear in the final rehearsal      high class, top quality concert that you
                                           should please both connoisseur and layman, since it has space to wander from the         just how much effort everyone had put         can’t beat. I had the pleasure of being
                                           beaten track. The quality and variety of the works included is notable.                  in. George managed to get some of the         a lowly chorus member in last week-
                                              The choral sound is distinctive and strong, although with the close placement         best instrumentalists in Cambridge            end’s Fitz Auditorium Opening
                                           of the microphones the singers can hide nothing, and there is a up-front edge that                                                     Concerts, and quite frankly had a large
                                           may tire the ear during extended listening. The boys come off worst, with a wob-                                                       aquatic mammal of a time. Excellent
                                           ble in pitch discernable from the start. They also occasionally push sharp at loud             Just imagine,                           direction from the professional
                                           moments. The adult male sound underneath them never ceases to exude class.                                                             Fitzwilliam String Quartet made for
                                              John’s infamous organ is prominent here, with two solo tracks as well as                 through every note                         far from tedious rehearsals and an
                                           Leighton’s active and demanding accompanying parts, played well by Christopher                                                         excellent sound. Performing alongside
                                           Whitton. Why could they not have recorded in Queen’s, especially when the mics
                                                                                                                                        you play you are                          professional soloists like Sally
                                           are too close to take advantage of John’s acoustic? Surely that organ would have
                                           been far better. To rub salt in the wound, the disturbing rumble of the bellows
                                                                                                                                        helping a man to                          Bradshaw, Kathryn Zerk and Anthony
                                                                                                                                                                                  Rolfe Johnson was quite simply a joy.
                                           disrupts most of the tracks – even the unaccompanied Drop drop slow tears from                    heaven                                  Of course, it wasn’t perfect. I
                                           Crucifixus pro nobis. Turn the damn thing off!                                                                                         messed up a couple of lines myself
                                                                                                                                                                                  (though I don’t think anybody
                                                                                                                                    together; many from CUCO were play-           noticed), but rather than that ruining
                                           Tony Woods Project – Lowlands                                                            ing, yet it was what he did with the          the evening, it just propelled us on to
                                           Basho Music                                                                              orchestra that was so phenomenal. He          regain control of the music. You can’t
                                                                                                     Ciaran Rhys Jenkins            would stand for nothing less than per-        stop and run it from bar 224 in a con-
                                              This album opens with the sound of a long searching sax solo to the accompa-          fection, even from those who were             cert. But you don’t need to, and you
                                           niment of waves gently caressing the shore. Following a quick check that I had           sight-reading on the day!                     don’t even want to. The adrenaline
                                           not put on ‘Relax with Whales’ by mistake I sat back to enjoy Woods’s sweet sax             The Dies Irae in particular was            rush, the surprisingly good (albeit crit-
                                           tone. Unfortunately, I could concentrate on little else but the prospect of a sea-       played with vigour and extreme inten-         ical) acoustic and the packed seats
                                           side holiday following exam term and so I decided to peruse the rest of the album.       sity of feeling. He said to us before the     don’t let you.
                                              The instrumentalists on the Woods project have undoubted quality, but the             performance: “Just imagine, through              There is an awful lot of good music
                                           blend is often questionable. I was thoroughly enjoying Country Dance until the           every note you play, that you are help-       in Cambridge, but not enough proper
                                           sax melody was answered by tuned percussion, which lacked both the expressive            ing to take a man to heaven.” The             music. The talent is there, but without
                                           range and timbral nuances to contribute positively to the corporate sound. Old           strings were precise in all their difficult   proper venues, directors, rehearsals
                                           Joe Clark is a quirky number with inherent vibrancy, but I did not hear enough           runs, and the soloists were also top          and most of all audiences, it just does-
                                           on Lowlands to be convinced that this album could be saved from the back-                quality. The only criticism I would           n’t fulfil its potential. Sort it out, guys.
                                           ground mix at Starbucks.                                                                 have is that there were moments, par-         If I can do it, so can you.
18 THEATRE        April 30 , 2004                                                                                                                                                                            

ADC-ing into the Future
Alison Flemming reveals plans for a state-of-the-art student theatre
                                                                                               Derek Jacobi, Sir Ian McKellen. and          in 3 stages. The preliminary phase took                 2006, will see the installation of a lift and
                                                                                               more recently Garth Marenghi.                place in the summer of 2000 and trans-                  disabled refuge points, a second access
                                                                                                  It’s now run by the University, though    formed the bar from a dark, dingy area                  corridor to the auditorium, new dressing
                                                                                               still owned by the Amateur Dramatic          into the space which is familiar to current             rooms (with showers), a sound-proof
                                                                                               Club, and houses over 75 productions a       students. Phase 1 was begun last summer                 rehearsal room, bar terrace and renovated
                                                                                               year by both amateur and professional        and is due to be completed this year in                 workshop space. The work is expected to
                                                                                               groups; including English Pocket             time for the beginning of Michaelmas                    cost around £1.8 Million; an Appeal to
                                                                                               Opera, ETG, Footlights, BAWDS,               term. Last year’s building work was struc-              raise the money was launched in 2002
                                                                                               Combined Actors of Cambridge and, of         tural rather than cosmetic and few people               and has raised £1 million thus far.
                                                                                               course, the Amateur Dramatic Club.           will have noticed a difference in the facil-               Students from 2006 will not only have
                                                                                               The building is now faded and battered,      ities; this year, however, the change will be           access to the oldest University Playhouse
                                                                                               though well loved, and in need of refur-     much more dramatic. Returning audience                  but the best student playhouse in
                                                                                               bishment. Today’s audiences, perform-        and Freshers will be treated to a new,                  Britain. The improved production and
                                                                                               ers and technicians, although treated to     more spacious, foyer and box office and                 rehearsal facilities will enable students to

       he ADC Theatre, home of the               formances in the Easter Vacation of           fantastic performance facilities, are con-   new toilets, while behind the scenes there              continue stretching the potential of the
       Amateur Dramatic Club, and                1855. Originally the Hoop Hotel, it           strained by cramped offices, dressing        will be new management offices, produc-                 ADC stage and technical capabilities.
       Britain’s oldest University               reopened as the ADC Theatre in 1935           rooms and Front of House areas. The          tion office and amateur dramatic club                   The ADC should have become a build-
Playhouse will be closed this Easter             following a serious fire in 1933. Since       lack of disabled access to the Bar,          common room. Hopefully this interme-                    ing which will enable the ADC to con-
term for the completion of phase 1 of a          then it has been the launch pad of            Auditorium and Stage makes the rede-         diate stage will reduce the pressure on the             tinue being “..the best theatre school in
major facelift.                                  many distinguished and newly flour-           velopment more urgent, as incoming           Front of House area during the time                     the country..” (Nicholas Hyntner,
   The Theatre has been used as a                ishing careers, including Sir Peter Hall      legislation requires all public buildings    between main shows and late shows until                 Director of the National Theatre and
venue for student Drama since the                (and his daughter Rebecca), Stephen           to have full access or face closure.         the transformation can be completed in                  alumnus of the ADC).
Amateur Dramatic Club’s first per-               Fry, Emma Thompson, Rachel Weisz,                The redevelopment has been planned        summer 2006. Phase 2, scheduled for

Juniper’s Frightening A De-stable-izing Show
Juniper’s Whitening                              character of Beth - but I can’t help feel      Equus                                          The Playroom is a perfect space for                  two characters work very well together
Playroom, April 26 - May 1st 9.30                that it made Juniper (and perhaps Aleph        Playroom, Apr 27th - May 1 6.45             this kind of psychological drama. The                   and convincingly depict the tension
                                                 - arguably the two most ‘real’ of the trio)                                                proximity of the stage and the fact that                between a middle-aged man and a
                                                 equally as distant as Beth and more dif-                                                   the audience is on two sides does two                   teenage boy. Amelia Worsley, who plays

    uniper’s Whitening, by the author’s          ficult to find any kind of human attach-                                                   things: firstly it creates the voyeuristic              the magistrate, is perfect as reason

    own admission, is weird. Three               ment with, as all three are quite similar            eigning an orgasm astride a           impression that the spectators are actu-                incarnate; dressed in sensible heels and
    people, Juniper, Aleph and Beth,             in terms of speeches and actions. This               horse. Miming self-flagellation.      ally inside the psychiatrist’s office with              neat shawl, her persona screams of a
are all apparently trapped Sartre-esque          inevitably leads to a certain level of               This production of Peter              the patient; second it captures the sense               repressed workaholic who fights her
in a house with no escape.                       sameness, making the genuinely disturb-       Shaffer’s Equus could have easily gone       of the claustrophobia that the boy feels                loneliness by resolutely taking on the
   Oh, yes, and Aleph keeps killing              ing bits far less jarring than they could     so wrong. Instead, the Selwyn Mitre          within his own psyche. This claustro-                   pain of others.
Beth. But she keeps coming back from             be.                                           Players give a mature performance of         phobia is further emphasised by the fact                   From a technical point of view, the set
the dead and demanding various food-                But then again, perhaps that’s the         an amazing but difficult script.             that the entire cast, that is, the boy’s par-           is precarious with unstable barriers that
stuffs, and then she kills Aleph, and then       point – maybe we’re just meant to leave          The play focuses on the relationship      ents, his girlfriend and of course the                  the actors keep bumping into and the
he comes back too, though not quite as           the play questioning exactly who was          between a psychiatrist and his patient, a    horses are permanently on set.                          costume is more reminiscent of the
hungry as Beth. See? Weird. Seriously,           real, what actually happened and what         seventeen-year-old who has been hospi-          Tom Hardcastle who plays the psy-                    Great Depression in America than it is
though, it’s deliberately difficult to           the whole thing is meant to represent.        talised for gratuitously blinding a stable   chiatrist is excellent in dialogue but                  of England during the second half of
determine if the three actors are sup-              The play is performed on a clinically      of horses. What evolves is a painful dia-    overdramatic in monologue and has a                     the twentieth century. However, despite
posed to be portraying real live people,         white set, and once again the claustro-       logue between passion and reason, the        disconcerting tendency to yell. Tom                     these drawbacks the production is excel-
ghosts, or simply a staged representation        phobia of the Playroom works a treat;         former being associated with suffering       Bryden who plays the patient is strong                  lent and a fantastic debut for both direc-
of ideas – that the bad deeds you’ve done        there are also a couple of great moments      but also vitality whilst the latter may      in his portrayal of a seemingly ordinary                tors.
in your life will always come back to            with the lighting, which seems to con-        bring relief but the penalty is a numb-      adolescent who leads a disturbing but                                               Giulia Miller
haunt you – here, quite literally.               stantly morph from harsh and blinding         ness not dissimilar to death.                unrestricted inner life. Moreover, the
   It’s equally difficult to describe the        to dim and spooky as the characters
acting style which, with this play espe-
cially, is inextricably linked to the style of
the work itself. Here, the language is
                                                 themselves process swiftly from scene to
                                                 scene. Before you know it, in a brief 40
                                                 minutes or so, the whole thing is abrupt-
                                                                                               A-Hedda Its Time
particularly multi-layered and richly            ly over.                                      Hedda Gabler                                 tension, but is for the most part per-
descriptive in its form: it’s clear that              I’m not sure I wholly understood         St Chad’s Octagon, 27-1st 7.45               formed in line with the general atmos-
writer Helen Oyeyemi’s is used to prose          Juniper’s Whitening – and I think that’s                                                   phere of monotony. Characters sit
writing simply from the poetic feel of the       probably the point. I quite enjoyed it                                                     impotently in chairs; stand patiently
spoken lines. This vividness of language         though – and it’s worth seeing, especial-                                                  waiting for others to arrive, helplessly
means that the characters have a very            ly if you like your theatre dark, perplex-                                                 searching for acceptable ways in which

non-naturalistic feel to them – obvious-         ing and, well, weird.                              bsen is generally acknowledged          to pass the time. There are a few points
ly a trait to be expected in the ethereal                                    Chris Adams            to be the founder of modern             at which this atmosphere of restraint is
                                                                                                    prose drama, the first major            shockingly torn, most notably when

                                                                                               dramatist to write tragedy about             Hedda suddenly reprimands Mrs
  Backstage                                       Curtain Call                                 ordinary people.
                                                                                                  The trouble with tragedy about the
                                                                                                                                            Elvsted for calling her by her surname,
                                                                                                                                            with a sudden and electrifying
                  Theatre News                                                                 ordinary is, quite naturally, its capacity   moment of contact. Yet ultimately this
                                                                                               to be relentlessly, even unmercifully,       is a play about failing to fruitfully con-
                                                      Well, in the words of The Two            dull. Hedda Gabler herself is a charac-      nect with those around you. Whilst                      along the way! Rebecca Hamway, too,
      THE new Association of                       Ronnies, it’s goodbye from me,              ter trapped in a tedious marriage, des-      Topham’s direction faultlessly portrays                 turns out a tremendous performance,
   Cambridge Theatre Societies was                 and it’s goodbye from him, as               perately seeking destructive outlets to      this idea of interpersonal atrophy, in                  making the most of a small part by
   formed this week with the aim to                Chris and I sign off as theatre edi-        escape the confines of her own dull          which no one seems to really under-                     injecting it - and subsequently the play
   create links between the myriad                 tors for this term. There were              existence. This confinement is               stand each other, it unfortunately                      - with a welcome burst of physical
   of student drama groups. Visit                  peaks; there were troughs, and              superbly represented by a stylised and       results in a production that feels a lit-               energy that succeeds in pushing dia- or email                        mainly three star reviews from our          detailed set, the room in which the          tle flat.                                               logue into secondary position.                                 budding critics. Many thanks to             entire drama enfolds. The lighting,             Nonetheless, the acting is patently                  Hamway’s decision to do away with
      CAMBRIDGE            Christian               all who contributed. Apologies go           too, makes best use of the Octagon’s         superb. Julia Clark is sinister and cal-                subtlety allows one to draw equally
   Musical Society is looking for                  to those whose work was painful-            space, which could otherwise have felt       culating as Hedda, always presenting                    unsubtle contrasts between the life and
   new scripts for their Lent term                 ly amputated, including any pro-            too wide and open for this constricted,      to the world a perfect porcelain face                   opinions of the elderly Miss Tesman
   musical next year.The produc-                   duction teams felt unfairly brand-          tense drama.                                 that hides the dangerous thoughts                       and the other major characters, dis-
   tions normally embody some                      ed by a 2 star stinker. But as                 James Topham’s direction appears to       beneath. Holly Strickland is charming                   tinctions which ultimately make sense
   kind of Christian themes. For                   Checkov said:                               centre on this inherent banality and         as the slightly pathetic Mrs Elvsted.                   of and add meaning to this intriguing
   more info contact Ben at                        “Subjectivity is a terrible thing.”         deadness. With the exception of Alex         From the first moment you see her she                   blend of tragedy and ordinariness. A                                                                             Stevenson’s hilarious depiction of           plays the victim with childish power-                   taxing evening (not least if, like me,
      BLANK Theatre Society is                       Gentles, do not reprehend,                George, whom he says he has based on         lessness, an inevitable target for                      you shall need to find directions to the
   looking for actors interested in a                If you pardon, we will mend.              ‘the spluttering supervisors we all          Hedda’s toying. This makes her char-                    Octagon!) but undoubtedly worth the
   range of dynamic educational                    - A Midsummer Night’s Dream                 know and love’ (and if so, the imitation     acter’s progression through the play                    effort.
   theatre projects including a pro-                                                           is near faultless!) nothing is over-         one of the most satisfying to witness,
   posed Christmas tour of The                                   Charlotte and Chris           played. The dialogue drips heavily           not only because of the myriad of mar-                                      Alexander Williams
   Tempest. For info, email Sam on                                                             with the potential for ambiguity and         vellous period costumes we encounter
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20 MUSIC        April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                                                

New Kids on the Bloc                                                                                                                                           Songs About Robots
Bloc Party at APUSU, 30th March
Bloc Party are special. Very special.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Top 5
In a dumbed down musical climate

                                                                                                                                           Joanna Curwood
over-saturated with stagnantly drea-
ry indie, over-hyped fad bands and
mind-numbing chart toppers, Bloc                                                                                                                                 1. Add N To (X) - Metal Fingers In My Body
Party come like a charged lightning
bolt through the mass of grey. "I                                                                                                                                  ‘Avant hard’ London-based trio Add N To (X) released this track
think British pop music is at an all                                                                                                                             with an animated video featuring a woman who “wants metal fingers
time low at the moment", says lead                                                                                                                               in her body”, and so phones up the robot escort agency, and has sex
singer, Kele Okereke, "with the                                                                                                                                  with a robot.
strained faceless boy/girl band
machine pumping out completely                                                                                                                                   2. Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots
vacuous shit and destroying all the
mystique and intelligence around the                                                                                                                               A heroic Japanese girl called Yoshimi uses her black-belt in karate
pop process." Taut, incendiary gui-                                                                                                                              and takes lots of vitamins to defeat some evil pink robots, who are
tars, a driving pulsating rhythm sec-                                                                                                                            going to eat everyone. Clue’s in the title, really.
tion, vocals that are both sensitively
sung and howlingly cathartic: full of                                                                                                                            3. Grandaddy - Jed The Humanoid
sex and soul; a stellar serotonin-like
sound of soaring melody and stab-                                                                                                                                  Grandaddy build a robot called Jed who can walk and talk, but
bing heart beats. Bloc Party is for                                                                                                                              then he finds their stash of booze, drinks it and breaks down.
   During the student exodus of the                                                                                                                              4. Anything by Kraftwerk
Easter holiday, the APU bar hosted a
searing performance by the band, sup-                                                                                                                               John Peel’s favourite German weirdos Kraftwerk got so obsessed
ported by the Washing Machine-era                                                                                                                                with robots, took to referring to themselves as robots and wrote
Sonic Youth-esque lo-fi punk of Kill                                                                                                                             ‘songs’ about robots called Robots and Man Machine. And their web-
Kenada. Bloc Party performed a tight                                                                                                                             site’s the scariest thing in the world.
set of supernova-like pop brilliance to a
handful of a crowd including the arrest-                                                                                                                         5. Radiohead - Paranoid Android
ing punk of The Marshals Are Dead, the
gloriously affecting Like Eating Glass                                                                                                                             Based on the character Marvin the Paranoid Android from
and the sexual electricity of forthcoming                                                                                                                        Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, this Radiohead
single, Banquet. Tense, throbbing bass                                                                                                                           doesn’t really have anything to do with robots, unless it’s a metaphor
funk and a hard, pounding drum beat,                                                                                                                             for our own souless existence or something.
accompanied by poetical polemical           them as "genius" and the video for their       nothing but invigorating. There are no
snapshot lyrics with fervent choruses,      forthcoming single has been MTV’s              facades here. No style over content. The
yielded music to make you dance, smile,     Video of the Week. After much major label      music speaks for itself. Pure and impas-
cry, forget and remember everything.        interest following their debut release,        sioned. "We just want to make some-
"I’ve always been inspired by music that    She’s Hearing Voices, the band finally         thing that some could view as really dear
touches you inside and that physically      signed to the well-respected independ-         to them," articulates Okereke, "To do
sends a shiver down my spine. I’m a bit     ent label, Wichita, just over a fortnight      something that makes people feel the
of a romantic and it’s the songs that
touch you through a moving vocal and
melody that have been the greatest
                                            after their Cambridge show. Believe the
                                            hype for your own sake. While Okereke
                                            appreciates the press that the band have
                                                                                           real power of music. Because that’s
                                                                                              While there are echoes reminiscent of
                                                                                                                                                            Akira Win the Battle
influence", confesses lead guitarist,       been getting, he also recognises that "the     The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry album, Joy
Russell Lissack. And this is exactly what   music industry is a fickle one". While         Divison’s Disorder, Fugazi and Gang of
the band do. Bloc Party transmit a life-    the press may strive to push Bloc Party        Four, Bloc Party’s sound is a singularly
affirming sound filled with an honest       into a scene of sorts, they stridently stand   original and exciting one. This is the
urgency and energy that cannot fail to      apart. Top karaoke picks that include          sound of a guitar band who make intel-
convince or touch you.                      Madonna’s Get Into the Groove and              ligently artful, strikingly English, liberat-
   In the last few months the foursome      Mogwai’s Ithica 27-9 stand testament to        ingly expressive and youthfully loose pop
have received a wave of media attention     the band’s varied musical taste. "We           music. Music to believe in.
including coverage from broadsheets         never ever saw a band that we thought                                      Ronojoy Dam
such as The Independent through to fash-    we were at all similar to," Okereke
ion magazines such as The Face besides      asserts. Bloc Party possess a humility              Double A-side Banquet/Stay Fat out
the standard pumped-up NME acclaim.         which is nothing but endearing while                3rd May and Bloc Party tour in June
Radio 1’s Steve Lamacq has described        their music and their live performance is                 

                                            St Thomas – Let’s Grow Together
                                            Track & Field, May 3rd
                                                                                                                    Edwin Lane
                                            At first glance this CD looks like some kind of charity compilation. There are dumb                                Cambridge’s favourite student          for shitty clubs and rowing boats.
                                            kid’s paintings on the cover, and ‘St Thomas’ sounds like the name of a children’s                              band, Akira, brought joy to all and       Making music like explosions on a
                                            ward short on cash. But it isn’t. When you listen too it, you’ll find a masterful mix                           sundry by rocking out to glory with a     beautiful skyline such as the beauti-
                                            of melancholic tunes, somewhere between The Beatles, Neil Young and Weezer                                      25 point lead triumph at the APU          fully elegiaic I Will See You In My
                                            (but in a good way) courtesy of one Thomas Hansen. Some of it is a bit silly (Cool                              Battle of the Bands final during the      Dreams and the glorious Marimea,
                                            Yellow Flower Shirt), and sometimes it sounds a bit too much like a Sesame Street                               Easter holiday. Most excellent. The       the band will soon leave university
                                            sing-a-long, but mostly it’s just brilliant.                                                                    victory was majorly warranted after a     and enter the big bad world. Akira
                                                                                                                                                            long Cambridge time of playing pas-       will be playing the Diablo event
                                                                                                                                                            sionate post-rock alien pop in dingy      alongside Coolio as well as
                                            The Charlatans – Up At The Lake                                                                                 dives and silly college places, DJing     Newnham May Ball. Their Selections
                                            Island, May 3rd                                                                                                 to empty dancefloors and being            of Modern Music EP is also available
                                                                                                                     Jon Ray                                forced to do fashion shoots due to        at Fopp! in the unsigned section so
                                            Up At The Lake, The title track from The Charlatans’ eighth studio album                                        their stunning good looks.                make sure you catch them before
                                            released later this month, sees everybody’s favourite Oasis alternatives sticking                                  The band have always reveled in        they a) become big in Japan b) form
                                            to what they know best – making old-fashioned rock-pop records with a hand-                                     escapist rock music of the loud loud      the greatest hip-hop band ever c)
                                            ful of glossy riffs and Liam Gallagher-like vocals. Tim Burgess’ vocals sound                                   loud variety, with the standards con-     start ruling the world d) all of the
                                            genuinely menacing, and the stomping piano sounds fantastic, but it never                                       stantly being raised and haven’t          above. You heard it here first.
                                            really progresses beyond the first verse. If you’re a devoted Charlatans fan, then                              always got the attention they’ve                                Ronojoy Dam
                                            you will love it, but there’s really nothing here to tempt the rest of us.                                      deserved due to student preferences
                                                                                                                                               LITERATURE / VISUAL ARTS                                                                                                                                                                                        April 30, 2004      21
The Secret History of the Bookworm
Ann Lingard calls for a union of the novelist and the scientist
      cience is the new rock ‘n roll: we’re   amongst others, providing grants and           rates such a wealth of stimulating ideas          into small plastic vials!                       world. It’s time for the efforts that have
      bombarded with scientific facts         sponsorship.                                   that even a non–sci-fi-addict will enjoy             So why are novelists lagging so far          been put into making Science ‘accessible’
      and breakthroughs in magazines             But what of fiction? Poets seem to          being made to stop and think. Fiction             behind in using science in a realistic but      through artworks, television and plays, to
and newspapers, on radio and TV.              have embraced science and the work of          that includes science, in contrast, tends to      not didactic manner? Perhaps out of             be concentrated on full-length fiction as
Scientists, particularly the media-savvy      scientists with alacrity, with poems that      fall into certain categories: self-referential    nervousness at having to ‘research’ (in the     well; and time to get rid of the Scientist
ones or the eccentrics, discuss, explain      are – as with art – illustrative or concep-    – the novel written by a scientist about          writer’s not the scientist’s sense) a subject   as Stereotype. As a scientist and novelist
and present results and hypotheses, on        tual in content; ‘poets who use science’ are   the trials and tribulations of scientific life    that’s perceived as difficult, where mis-       myself, I have facilitated several interac-
news bulletins and documentaries and          in demand for readings, and there are          (not much different really from a novel-          takes can easily be made. But more likely       tions between writers and scientists, and
chat shows.                                   several anthologies and specially-com-         ist’s story about the struggles of being a        because they haven’t yet realised what a        have watched the mutual respect and
  And ‘sci-art’ - science-inspired art,       missioned series and collections. As for       writer) and often not that inspiring for a        wealth of useful models, either central to      enthusiasm develop. For the writer seek-
theatre, and orchestral works – is a          prose, science fiction /fantasy is a wholly    general reader; the novel written by a                                                            ing authenticity there is the joy of the
growth area, with several organisations       separate genre and not to everyone’s           non-scientist that uses scientists and a            “His hair’s all a mess,                       language of a particular scientific disci-
such as the Wellcome Trust, the               taste, although some of it, especially Kim     scientific theme as the backbone of the                                                           pline; the often beautiful or intriguing
Gulbenkian Foundation, Pfizer UK              Stanley Robinson’s Mars trilogy, incorpo-      story, either in a realistic or a slightly fan-      he’s wearing hole-y                          images; the sounds and smells of differ-
                                                                                             tastical way; and the stories – usually for       clothes...He hasn’t got a                       ent labs. The flexibility of the characters’
                                                                                             children – that portray scientists as                                                             lives is endless: send her off on fieldwork
                                                                                             ‘boffins’ or buffoons. There are one or                     clue!”                                for a few months; make him work late in
                                                                                             two notable exceptions, but in the main,                                                          lab every night; a PhD student off to the
                                                                                             fictional scientists in children’s books          the story or merely as a walk-on part, and      US to give her first paper at a conference;
                                                                                             conform to the stereotypes — the mad,             varied environments the scientist-as-           an animal-house technician, a surface
                                                                                             bad old men or the wild-haired med-               character can provide. There are rôle-          chemist working in industry, or a postdoc
                                                                                             dlers. The unflattering images are                models for any number of scenarios, all         on ‘soft money’ with a wife and child to
                                                                                             imprinted at an early age: I once read a          waiting to be exploited.                        support ...They are all ‘people’ with lives
                                                                                             sentence to a group of 7-9-year-olds,                And scientists themselves have been          as diverse, as mundane or thrilling, as
                                                                                             ‘Professor Smith rushed into the lab to           partly to blame for their failure to inspire    those of any other group of individuals.
                                                                                             speak to Dr Jones, who was staring at a           fiction-writers, because they so often use         Just as a novel that has an accountant
                                                                                             rack of tubes’, then asked the children           jargon that, although it’s merely short-        as a character doesn’t have to be ‘about’
                                                                                             how they imagined Professor Smith.                hand, seems exclusive and even élitist;         accountancy, neither does a novel with a
                                                                                             Their hands shot up: ‘His hair’s all a            their places of work (even a tent on a          physicist as a character have to be ‘about’
                                                                                             mess,’ ‘He’s wearing hole-y clothes’ and          windswept headland) are often daunt-            physics. But if fiction-writers would have
                                                                                             (my favourite) ‘He hasn’t a clue!’ A bit of       ingly forbidding.                               the courage to broaden their character-
                                                                                             a surprise, then, when I showed them a               It’s time to sweep away this apartheid.      base and language into modern science,
                                                                                             photograph of two attractive female sci-          Novelists and scientists need to get            both the novels and the scientists of the
                                                                                             entists in their 30s, one of whom was             together to talk, and learn about each          future will benefit. And so – most impor-
                                                                                             transferring a suspension of living cells         other’s ways of working and seeing the          tantly - will the readers.

Beck’s Futures                                                                                                                                 Performance
A new crop of talent at the ICA                                                                                                                Anxiety
           hile Saatchi has sprayed the       Glasgow-born Susan Philipsz performs           sentation of a human face, alongside                                                              organises. Cambridge Dancer’s club
           South Bank in New Blood,           Radiohead in a Tesco supermarket and           delicate sculptures wrought from carpet                                                           arranges loads of classes from Latin to
           over in the Mall, the              pipes Nirvana through the corridors.           fluff.                                                                                            Salsa; these take beginners again from

Institute of Contemporary Arts is also           Ergin Cavusoglu’s videos, now                      trangely promising stuff despite                                                           April.
showcasing emerging talent.The ICA            detached and discretely shot, employ an               the fact that last years’ shortlist                                                           The CU Lion Dancing Troupe prac-
presents the annual Beck's Futures            aesthetic of illicit surveillance as they             was not a blanket success. Carey                                                           tises this traditional Chinese art form
exhibition and awards bringing                follow the episodes of individuals or          Young for example, had been accused of                                                            both at Chinese New Year and on
together work from ten of the most            events under the cover of darkness. Still      plagiarism in exhibiting ‘invisible’ art-                                                         request, alongside appearances at various
exciting UK-based artists.                    lost but being watched. Nicoline van           work. Her piece consisted of a framed                                                             May Balls. All of the moves tell a story
   Now in its fifth year, Beck’s Futures      Harskamp continues the exploration of          legal document forbidding the sponsors                                                            that accompanies the lion, told through
was established to ’identify, support and     notions of power and surveillance in           of the show from disclosing what she                                                              intricate moves, this is often coupled
promote the most promising contem-            contemporary urban life. She has invit-        had been commissioned to make. It                                                                 with Da Tou Fou or The Laughing
porary artists working in Britain today’.     ed members of the public, traffic war-         reminded me a little of the episode a                                                             Buddha that taunts the lion throughout a
Setting aside any concerns that you           dens, security guards, and night-club          few years ago in which Wombles cre-                                                               performance.
might have about the corporate spon-          bouncers to the ICA with one each day          ator Mike Batt was accused of infring-                                                               Forget Kill Bill, martial arts mix sport,
sorship of awards in the arts, the prizes     policing the exhibition space. You will        ing the copyright of American mini-                                                               self defence and provocative perform-
must be regarded as a good thing. Each        get a ticket and trainers are allowed.         malist composer John Cage, after plac-                                                            ance. While the ivory towers look that is

short-listed artist receives an award of         Simon Bedwell, who forced his way           ing a one-minute silence on his CD.                        hink performance art, think            so often banded in with Cambridge
£4,000. First prize is £20,000, from the                                                     The case was later settled out of court                    dreadlocked art-scene aficiona-        might seem more like a stretched version
total fund of £65,000, making it the                                                         with Batt paying a six-figure sum to                       dos watching a man sleeping            of Lara Croft’s house than the set of a
UK's most generous art awards.                                                               charity, while maintaining his silence            behind a glass screen, or someone cut-          Bruce Lee movie, the chance to take part
    The range here is excellent: precise                                                     was original. Ludicrous.                          ting their ear open on stage. So this is        in real martial arts is everywhere. Karate,
watercolours, conceptual installations,                                                         Last year’s exhibition was a little pre-       the kind of performance that gets               Judo and Tae Kwan-Do have busy uni-
music, film, and photography. This is a                                                      occupied with trying to be consciously            hyped in the media. Behind the sensa-           versity clubs, Wu Shu Kwan (Chinese
sensuous, eccentric mix. Saskia Olde                                                         avant garde and had an air of ‘do-it-             tion, the diverse world of performance          kickboxing) and Tai Chi Chuan (literal-
Wolbers’ video installations for exam-                                                       yourself ’. This year’s is certainly more         art is something that is all around you.        ly ‘Supreme Ultimate Fist’) societies are
ple, draw you into abstract dreamlike                                                        thoughtful and carefully crafted. The             Don’t try ear cutting at home.                  around as well. Mixed from Chinese
worlds, narrating emotional stories over                                                     winners are announced on 27 April and                Dance has always been a form in its          cosmology, Taoism, Confucianism and
mutating, animated shapes. Andrew                                                            as a counterpoint to the excess of the            own right that frequents the perform-           Buddhism, Tai Chi Chaun aims to fos-
Cross takes us into arenas more mun-                                                         Saatchi emporium, to which compari-               ance art world. There are loads of ways         ter inner peace as well as the practical
dane. His work looks at railway lines in                                                     son will inevitably be drawn, it is imme-         to try this out around uni. The                 self defence that seems implied in the
the US, mixing almost resentfully artful                                                     diately more successful. The exhibition           Cambridge Contemporary Dance                    force of the fist from which the art takes
scenes of stillness with sudden images                                                       confirms the cosmopolitan vibrancy of             Workshop runs classes in contemporary           its name.
of industry; train-spottingly insipid yet                                                    the UK's contemporary arts scene, and             dance, from Hiphop and break dance to              Fine, so none of this is quite like
somehow quite brilliant.                                                                     the range of artistic and cultural                Bharat Natyam (the South Indian clas-           spending a 48 hours in a UCLA gym
   Imogen Stidworthy's films, part                                                           resources informing art made in                   sical dance form), Bollywood, Flamenco          locker with a urine bottle. But that
medical documentary, part wry obser-                                                         Britain. The Futures bright, and all              and Afro-fusion.                                seems kind of dated to me and just
vation, explore projections of personali-     from the ‘ghetto with a 2H pencil and a        that.                                                From the global to the local, The            slightly yucky. Dance and martial arts
ty and the discrepancy between spoken         lump of clay’, offers posters editori-                               Huw Lewis-Jones             Round (the university’s society for             give two ready ways in which you can
language and image. Patients read out         alised through the addition of trench-                                                           English Country Dancing) organise               add that little bit of performance, but not
excerpts from Jules Verne; Cilla Black        ant slogans and spray paint. Brazilian                                                           hold a weekly Round covering dances             endurance, art to your life without
impersonators sing Burt Bacharach             artist Tonico Lemos Auad has turned a          Beck’s Futures: Institute of Contemporary Arts,   which you can flaunt at the ceilidh par-        becoming terribly thespian. Go perform!
classics. Gleefully strange. Meanwhile,       bunch of ripening bananas into a repre-        London, 26 March - 16 May 2004.                   ties or annual Playford Ball the group                                       Ollie Coates
22 SPORT        April 30, 2004                                                                                                                                                            

Sailors make waves                                                                                                                  Sven’s conundrum
                                                                                                                                    Rajan Lakhani obviously knows
                                                                                                                                    better than the Swede - Part Two

                                                                                                                                           t’s obvious that Paul Scholes,       too early for Jenas.
                                                                                                                                           Steven        Gerrard,       David      The future on the left-wing for
                                                                                                                                           Beckham, Nicky Butt and Frank        England looks brighter with the likes
                                                                                                                                    Lampard will be going to Euro 2004,         of Etherington of West Ham and
                                                                                                                                    leaving three spots in the midfield in to   Whittingham of Aston Villa emerg-
                                                                                                                                    sort out. The diamond formation is the      ing. If Eriksson plays the diamond,
                                                                                                                                    wrong formation because it leaves the       then he will probably go for another
                                                                                                                                    full-backs exposed. If England had          central midfielder at the expense of a
                                                                                                                                    full-backs the quality of Salgado,          winger, who Eriksson has suggested
                                                                                                                                    Roberto Carlos or Thuram, then it           will be Parker.
                                                                                                                                    would be a shrewd formation but this           This leaves us with the five striking
                                                                                                                                    side does not. Better sides will simply     positions. Owen and Rooney are both
                                                                                                                                    stifle the central midfield and target      certainties but like the goalkeeping
                                                                                                                                    the full-back positions where both          position, England is suffering from a
                                                                                                                                    Gary Neville and Ashley Cole have           lack of quality among the forwards,
                                                                                                                                    shown great doubts about when to            especially since Owen is struggling for
                                                                                                                                    attack and defend.                          consistency. Vassell has played well for
                                                                                                                                       Eriksson should simply employ an         England, notably scoring a superb goal
                                                                                                                                    orthodox 4-4-2 with Scholes operating       on his debut against Holland and caus-
                                                                                                                                    on the left. He is one of the few tech-     ing havoc in the Turkey defence. He is
                                                                                                                                    nically gifted players England possess      playing well for Aston Villa at the
                                                                                                                                    and has played well there for               moment and his pace should make him
                                                                                                                                    Manchester United. Gerrard plays at         more than adequate cover for Owen.
                                                                                                                                    his best when he is given                                          All international
                                                                                                                                    the freedom to maraud Vassell has played teams have someone
                                                                                                                                    up the field from central                                    who can hold up the
                                                                                                                                    midfield, knowing that well for England, ball, allowing midfield
                                                                                                                                    there is a defensive play-
                                                                                                                                    er providing cover for the
                                                                                                                                                                  notably scoring a players toShearer was
                                                                                                                                                                                                              support the

                                                                                                                                    defence, in this case superb goal on his superb at doing this but
BUSA Sailing                               winners of BUSA for the last 4 years.       difference. A coveted place amongst          Nicky Butt and at club                                       of course he is unavail-
                                           Slick start line manoeuvres by Rob          the ‘chocolates’ in the playoffs had         level Dietmar Hamann.             debut against able for selection given
                                           Styles and Bethan Carden allowed the        been won.                                    Beckham is obviously                                         his retirement. Rooney
From the Sailing Team                      Blues to start ahead of a fast                 The final day looked bleak as the 8       the choice for the right-
                                                                                                                                                                           Holland               plays this role effectively
                                           Southampton team and Jon and Sarah          remaining teams were met by a ‘mir-          midfield while Lampard is finally           but there has to be cover for him in case
                                           Hill’s quick reactions on the first leg     ror’. The wind eventually trickled in        beginning to find his feet at interna-      of injury so that this dimension is not
Under (sea) dogs some would call           gave a stable position early on. The        at midday and the teams hit the water.       tional level and should provide good        lost.
them but the virgin Cambridge First        team managed to hold on and stay            London University were all that stood        cover for central midfield.                    Heskey has his detractors to say the
Team, having battled through gale          ahead despite their small size in windy     in the way of Cambridge and a sail off          This leaves one covering central-        least, but ironically Rooney and Owen
condition qualifying rounds earlier        conditions.                                 with Bristol or Southampton 1.               midfielder and two wingers. Scott           have both played their best football at
in the year, proved their ability at          As the wind picked up so too did         Unlucky wind patterns and 3 years            Parker, Joe Cole, Jermaine Jenas and        international level with Heskey along-
Chew Valley Lake last week. 32             the competition as Cambridge went           sailing experience together gave             Owen Hargreaves prefer to play in           side either of them and fans forget how
teams made it through the provi-           through into the second day lying sec-      London the advantage as they defeat-         central midfield but all four have been     Heskey turned the away match for
sional stages to represent their uni-      ond behind Southampton in their             ed the Blues in a ‘best of three’ playoff.   forced to play out on the wing. The         England against Macedonia. His power
versity in the BUSA National Team          group. This qualified them for the          Next year’s Captain, Jon Pinner, was         best footballer of the four is Scott        and pace continues to frighten interna-
Racing Finals, held over three days        Gold league, in competition with 2          not disappointed though; ‘We’ve              Parker but he is not getting regular        tional sides but his confidence is low at
near Bristol.                              other ‘Scum’ teams, Loughborough,           turned heads. No one expected a new          football in central midfield at Chelsea.    the moment and is not performing con-
  Due to a few (in the words of helm       Oxford, Cardiff and York. In close          team to reach the playoffs and we did.       While Hargreaves has not really con-        sistently as domestic level. Beattie has
Jon Pinner) ‘pants’ decisions at the       matches with Loughborough and               Scum may have won this year but              vinced at international level, he has       the power and height to do a similar role
Qualifiers, the route to the finals had    Southampton 2 the boats weaved in           we’ll be back and better than ever’.         played regularly in the Champions           but last month he was not even a first-
been tough and the team were not           and out of winning positions but were       Having beaten Oxford 3 times this            League with Bayern Munich and was           team regular at Southampton and has
well seeded.        This meant that        unlucky to be in a losing order at the      year already, things are looking prom-       part of the World Cup so he should be       played poorly at international level.
Cambridge had it all to prove as they      finish. However, solid wins against         ising for Cambridge team in their            a member of the Euro 2004 squad.               The best solution is to call up Chris
powered away from teams such as            York, Cardiff and Strathclyde meant         Varsity at the end of June.                     This leaves who should cover             Sutton. He has been superb for Celtic,
Strathclyde, Exeter, Birmingham and        that even though Gemma Farrell and             If anyone is interested in sponsor-       Scholes and Beckham on the wings. As        both at domestic and European level
Nottingham in the opening stages.          Ben Lister were faced with fixing           ing the Cambridge Team at the                well as Parker, Jenas and Cole, Kieron      and would be the best player to carry out
The first real test came in the 4th race   equipment after a breakage in the           Varsity Match or in the 2004-2005            Dyer, Alan Thompson, Gareth Barry,          this role. Unfortunately, the FA will not
when the team came up against the          match against Oxford, the light blues       season, please get into contact with         Danny Murphy and Shaun Wright-              swallow their pride and the most capa-
‘Southern Scum’ (Southampton!),            finished ahead in 3rd place on points       Jon Pinner (                Phillips are the other candidates for the   ble player in this forward role will not be
                                                                                                                                    wing positions. Dyer and Wright-            going.
                                                                                                                                    Phillips should be chosen because of           Heskey will probably go to the cham-

Girls having a (net)ball                                                                                                            their ability to run with the ball at pace.
                                                                                                                                    There is nothing that defenders fear
                                                                                                                                    more than a player with the dribbling
                                                                                                                                    skills of Dyer and Wright-Phillips. In
                                                                                                                                                                                pionships leaving one striking position
                                                                                                                                                                                between Alan Smith and Jermaine
                                                                                                                                                                                Defoe. Smith has a poor temperament
                                                                                                                                                                                and has already been sent off in an
Georgina Powell                            vincingly win BUSA. The highlight           Congratulations go to Homerton who           addition, these two footballers can also    England shirt. He has a bad goalscoring
                                           of the season came at Varsity when we       won the ladies first division and Catz       play in the forward positions.              record this season and has not done
                                           thrashed Oxford 59-26.                      who won cuppers. And then there are             Dyer can additionally play at right-     anywhere near enough at international
   The Cambridge netball season of            The seconds finished forth in their      the netball socials! With themes             back like he did for England against        level to make a decent claim. Defoe also
success perhaps stems from the trials,     league and rounded the season off on        including ‘anything but clothes’ to just     Luxembourg and briefly for Ipswich.         has had his fair share of discipline prob-
back in October, where the standard        a high by completing the Varsity            turning up to ‘Life’ in our kit, it’s no     No English winger this season has           lems, but his performances for
of play was generally exceptionally        double victory, winning 45-18, an           wonder netball girls need to be more         impressed as much Wright-Phillips.          Tottenham have been brilliant, he is a
high and selection very difficult.         impressive result for a squad whose         than just fit on the court.                  He has been in tremendous form and is       strong finisher and was the only bright
Within the chosen squad, competi-          home ground is 20 minutes drive               Farewells go to many squad mem-            a great reminder of what capabilities a     player in the England side against
tion for starting line-ups continued       from Cambridge!                             bers at the end of the year. Mentions        winger should possess.                      Sweden so he deserves that final fifth
throughout the year, encouraging              There is hope for Netball’s funding      go to Lizzie Naylor as Captain, and             Thompson played poorly against           spot.
members to play to their optimum.          on the horizon. During the season we        to Lois Farrow who has played 5              Sweden, in spite of his danger from
Vigorous fitness training and strong       played a good game against the              years      on     the     first   team.      free-kicks and the potential natural           Varsity’s squad
team commitment counter-acted for          KPMG intercity league team, who             Congratulations also go to Lucy              balance he could provide being a left-         Goalkeepers: D James, N Martyn, I
our desperate lack of facilities and       have agreed to sponsor us in the            Walker (player of the season), Jenny         footed player. He should have been          Walker; G Neville, S Campbell, J
funds, to produce a successful season.     future. We are also currently organis-      Quinn (most improved player),                given an opportunity earlier as should      Terry, A Cole, G Southgate, J
   The firsts, promoted at the end of      ing a raffle with fantastic prizes, tick-   Eimear Neeson (player’s player) and          have Barry who has played well on the       Carragher, W Bridge; P Scholes, N
last year, finished third in their divi-   ets will be on sale soon!                   Jodie Fergus and Helen Skidmore              left for England in defence and for his     Butt, S Gerrard, D Beckham (capt), F
sion, therefore reaching the quarterfi-       However being a part of netball at       (Men of the varsity matches).                club Aston Villa in midfield. He also is    Lampard, O Hargreaves, K Dyer, S
nals of the BUSA Premier League            Cambridge does not just involve sport         To concludenetball is brilliant, and       a naturally left-sided player in contrast   Wright-Phillips; W Rooney, M Owen,
where they played away to                  at a high level and the search for funds    to Mr Rob Wells, from all the netball        to Murphy who is having a poor season       D Vassell, C Sutton, J Defoe
Birmingham. After a tough fight we         and facilities. College netball involves    girls, we’ll always remember ‘the wider      for Liverpool. Cole is too inconsistent
lost and Birmingham went on to con-        many members of the university.             your legs are, the easier it is’!            while this tournament has arrived just
                                                                                                                                                                               April 30, 2004     23

                                                                                                                                                                                                             Ed Sharp
Athletes out of the blocks
Richard Wheater                             the line deserved winners... Oxford           (the chap who won this year’s cross-
                                            drifted home in the middle of the field,      country Varsity Match by over a minute,
                                            relying on distance runners to fill the       smashing the course record in the
   Last Saturday was host to the second     gaps in their team.                           process). Needless to say, Thompson
athletics fixture of the Trinity term, an      Another 400m pb came from Hettie           was quite unstoppable over the 3.75
eight-way battle of brawns against the      Briscoe in the Ladies’ B String. She          laps, cruising home to victory in well
RAF, the British Police Force,              was partnered by Blues captain Alex           under four minutes.
Shropshire AAA and four fearsome            Cooke, who also braved the fast and              It will be interesting to see how he
University teams... amongst them our        furious 100m in an unusual visit to the       fares on home soil against CUAC
dearest friend, Oxford.                     shorter distances. Meanwhile Grace               strongman Andy Baddeley in the
   Held at the RAF Cosford Stadium,         Clements excelled in the field events,        upcoming Track & Field Varsity Match.
Wolverhampton, the meet provided this       high-jumping her way to an awesome               Baddeley attained international hon-
year’s Varsity hopefuls with an invalu-     personal record and attaining the Blues       ours during the vacation, representing
able opportunity to hone their skills and   standard to boot. With a depleted mid-        Great Britain in the World Cross-
press for selection. Captains Rich          dle-distance contingent, the ladies           Country and World Student Cross-
Wheater and Alex Cooke, on the look-        were short of a competitor for the            Country Championships in Europe.
out for Oxford-beating talent, were         4x400m and, although Rich Wheater             Next Thursday he will be heading up to
rewarded by an afternoon of gutsy per-      offered - rather enthusiastically – to fill   the Oxford track to take part in a com-
formances and a haul of personal bests      the position, they were forced to with-       memorative mile race, on the 50th
across the squad. One of these was pro-     draw from the event.                          anniversary of Roger Bannister’s record-
duced by Wheater himself, running a            Still, the day ended on a high note in     breaking 4-minute mile achievement.
22.8s 200m heat in the afternoon.           the female 4x100m, in which                   This Baddeley-Thompson showdown
Having already dominated his 100m           Cambridge secured a comfortable sec-          will no doubt raise the stakes for the
heat (winning by a clear three metres)      ond position. Owing to a monstrous            Varsity fixture on 15th May (again at
this was his second victory of the day.        effort down the back straight,             Oxford’s Iffley Road stadium). The ten-
   In parallel heats Steve Green and        Birmingham had established them-              sion is mounting...
Rob Harle went even further, clocking       selves as clear leaders coming into the          Whilst an overall victory was not
22.5 and 22.2 for their respective 200m     final leg. But, Whether it was the swel-      quite within reach at Cosford (the
races. For comparison, last year’s Blues    tering heat or the pressure of the occa-      RAF and Shropshire AAA secured
200m race was won in a time of 22.8 (by     sion, the baton ended up being fumbled        male and female honours respectively),
Mr. Harle, incidentally).                   in the third changeover and our light         Cambridge athletes must no doubt
   Steve Green stormed home to victo-       blue lasses were able to overhaul the dis-    feel confident after the range of strong
ry over 400m hurdles, whilst Flynn          qualified team.                               individual performances displayed on
Castles, Rob Harle and Mike Collins            Luckily the temperature had no             Saturday. ‘Man of the match’ Adrian
each dipped inside 52 seconds to gain       noticeable effect on the Cambridge            Hemery, alone in the men’s field
pbs in the 400m flat. In the final event       middle-distance men. Indeed, the           events, epitomised the day’s efforts in
of the day, the men’s 4x400m relay, the     scale of the pbs seemed to increase with      securing a total of three personal
men snatched a daring victory from          the scale of the races, Tom Coats             bests... With a full-strength team the
strong contenders Birmingham over the       smashing his 1500m time by 7 seconds          looming challenges of Varsity and,
last 200m of the final lap. Nail biting     and Matt Hallissey plunging 15 seconds        more immediately, BUSA (1st - 3rd
stuff, but Green’s power on the home        under his previous best in the 2000m          May, in Gateshead) can surely be sav-
straight shattered the Brummies’            Steeplechase. Coats had been pitted           aged and subdued by the light blue
resolve, and Cambridge rocketed over        against Oxford titan Fraser Thompson          machine. Bring it on!

Anything you Kendo...
Hyo Won Kin and
Frank Stajano
                                            title but the dark blues won’t let it
                                            slip so easily.
                                               The team match, consisting of 5
                                                                                          against Malte Willer. His attempts
                                                                                          to seal the Cambridge victory did
                                                                                          not avail but instead received a do-
                                                                                                                                     Sport in Brief
   This year, both Oxford and               fighters, saw varsity veteran Charles         cut (to the waist) during the last 10
Cambridge had a shortage of                 McLachlan (Queens’) take on a                 seconds of the fight. With both sides
armoured kendoka “in statu pupil-
lari”, with many of last year’s veter-
                                            newbie, Jin-Taek Lee, in the first
                                            match. Lack of experience threw Lee
                                                                                          now having acquired 2 wins each, it
                                                                                          was down to the captain Hyowon
                                                                                                                                                 Fencing Cuppers
ans having now earned their degrees.        out of the arena not once but twice           Kim (Churchill). No pressure!!
The possibility of admitting non-           resulting in a penalty point. The             Opposition Peter Pugh put up a               The Fencing Club held their inaugural inter-college ‘Cuppers’
student competitors in the Varsity          clock ran out and McLachlan                   good fight matching Kim blow for           on Sunday. Gonville & Caius won the overall title, narrowly
teams was considered but then               secured the first victory. Second up          blow. With little time left, Kim suc-      defeating Emmanuel 12-10 in the final. Fresher Rob Shaw
bravely dropped, opting instead to          was Emily Kay (Darwin), new to the            ceeded a kote-cut to bring the saga        (Robinson) won the individual Men’s Foil event while Georgie
train new recruits to the rigours of        kendo attire but extremely deter-             to an end.                                 Osborne (Caius) was victorious in the Women’s Foil. “In the
competition.                                mined; she lost an early point by                The team fight was followed by          Novices Event, Erza McDonald (Kings) was crowned champion.”
   Following the release of The Last        receiving a men-cut (on the head)             individual matches arranged in a
Samurai, kendo clubs have been              from Nathan Broomhead in his sec-             direct elimination tree. Each side
enjoying prosperity in growing
memberships. The 7th annual Kendo
                                            ond varsity appearance. She fought
                                            back hard but could not come level
                                                                                          contributed 8 kendoka, this time
                                                                                          giving non-students a chance to
                                                                                                                                                    College Cricket
Varsity Match therefore saw both            and allowed the opposition victory.           fight. In a result that exactly mir-          The cricket Cuppers gets going shortly. Last year’s finalists
sides fielding new talents.                      Next up was Chando Jung                  rored last year’s, after having lost the   Churchill feature a stronger team this year. Wicket keeper Andy
   The Cambridge squad had con-             (Trinity), new to Cambridge but cer-          team match Oxford regained face by         Sims told Varsity ‘we’ve got a few new additions including
ducted a special training weekend           tainly not new to kendo, facing               winning both the individuals, with         Crusaders players and a lot of love. This season’s going to be pink’.
prior to the Varsity match lead by          Oxford captain Lana Sheridan. Jung            Oxford kyusha Andy Haynes bravely             Jesus should also provide tough competition. Matt Kitching’s
the former (and now honorary)               executed his trademark kote-cut (to           defeating two Cambridge yudansha           side thrashed St John’s in a weather-affected match. But it would
instructor Sergio Boffa (5th Dan),          the wrist) to win the fight. Another          on his way to the top, and the fight-      be foolish to rule out Emma. Last year’s champions feature the
visiting us all the way from Belgium!       debutant,       Timothy      Simpson          ing spirit award, conquered by cap-        strength in depth that could see them retain their title.
Light blues were eager to keep the          (Churchill), was equally matched              tain Lana Sheridan.                           The twenty-over format should make for exciting cricket, while
                                                                                                                                     not detracting too much from the revision intentions of players
                                                                                                                                     and spectators.
                                                                                                                                        With volleyball and tennis also kicking off this week, what bet-
                                                                                                                                     ter way to procrastinate from revision than playing some sport in
                                                                                                                                     the Sun?

                                                                                                                                        Writing for Varsity Sport
                                                                                                                                        We might not be the Daily Sport, but writing for Varsity Sport
                                                                                                                                     is still a lot of fun. With some writers moving on to bigger things
                                                                                                                                     (Gavin Versi) and others being afflicted by laziness (Sam
                                                                                                                                     Richardson) there are definitely opportunities to try your hand.
                                                                                                                                     For more information email Or for applica-
                                                                                                                                     tions for sports editor please email for an
                                                                                                                                     application form.
                                      SPORT                               30.04.04                                                                                                   


                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Sam Richardson
University Cricket

Sam Richardson

The cricket season got off to a mixed
start for the two sides fighting for the
loyalties of Cambridge students.
UCCE suffered respectable defeats
to Essex and Warwickshire, while the
Blues thrashed minor counties side
   The UCCE (University of
Cambridge Centre of Excellence)
plays several first class matches a sea-
son, and consists of a combination of
students from Cambridge and APU.
The fact that the side is one of less
than twenty-five in the country to play
regular first-class cricket is evidence of
the high standard of the players.
However, in the end both Essex and
Warwickshire, fielding full-strength
sides, proved to be a cut above UCCE.
   Essex won the toss in their game,
and took advantage of an excellent
Fenner’s pitch to power to 292 for 5,
thanks in large part to a century from
six foot ten inch opener Will Jefferson.
Simon Marshall impressed with fig-
ures of 3 for 42, but otherwise the
UCCE attack looked very ordinary.
   And so too did the batters. With the
ball swinging around, Shankar fell for
one, and most of the team followed
shortly after. Marshall, top-scoring
with 22, was one of just four UCCE
batters to reach double figures. And
when Essex returned to get to 222 for
2, the game looked to be up.                 Blues number 3 Rudi Singh treats the Cambridgeshire bowling with disdain
   But UCCE showed impressive
fighting spirit. Christopher Wright          total up towards 131. Warwickshire,         Cambridge” as I arrived at Fenners.        season’s key men, the Blues veritably     but against a very mediocre bowling
hit an impressive 57, including eight        seemingly scoring at will, hurried to       Presumably he was referring to             ripped through the representative side    line-up and a disinterested field he
fours and a six, to help UCCE to 245.        161 for 2. Although Cambridge saw           Cambridge University, rather than to       in the 50-over contest.                   reached his half-century before losing
The final winning margin of 153 runs         out a tricky spell at the end of the sec-   minor county Cambridgeshire who               Anush Newman, with 4 for 34,           concentration on 51. Rudi Singh,
gives some credit to UCCE’s never-           ond day, the 392 winning target was         provided the opposition.                   proved the star of the bowling line-up,   seemingly having knocked up in front
say-die approach.                            always likely to be too much.                 The new accommodation block that         ably assisted by Tom Aaville with 2 for   of the mirror, reached a stylish 59 not
   High-flying Warwickshire provid-          Marshall again led the resistance with      casts its shadow over Fenner’s could       24. Cambridgeshire eventually crept       out, as Cambridge enjoyed the chance
ed even tougher opposition, reaching         33, but UCCE never looked likely to         perhaps be a metaphor for the need of      up to 178, but never looked confident     to Singh while they’re winning. Simon
361 for 6 on the opening day at              hold out for the draw. They eventual-       the Blues to rebuild after last season’s   in their ability to defend this total.    Marshall with 18 not out saw the
Fenner’s, with Mark Wagh hitting             ly reached 144, to lose by 247 runs.        double defeat in the Varsity 4-day and        Fresher James Chervak opened with      Blues to the safety of an eight-wicket
105 off just 89 balls. UCCE, appar-             But most Cambridge students will         1-day matches. But on Tuesday’s evi-       old hand and captain Adrian Shankar.      victory.
ently daunted by such a margin, suf-         tell you that it is the Blues where         dence, this would appear not to be the     Chervak looked promising before              Shankar’s men will face stronger
fered an early collapse, although 28’s       their allegiance really lies. One stu-      case. Boosted by a number of freshers,     nicking the ball behind for 13.           opposition in the weeks to come but,
from Webley and Wright pushed the            dent told me, “this is the real             and not suffering from the loss of last    Shankar took a while to find his touch,   for the time being, all bodes well.

Blues skipper Adrian Shankar survives an early LBW appeal on the way to score his half-century.

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