CRAIG – PAGE 17
CRAIG Okay! Stop! Stop!
NORMAN What’s wrong?
CRAIG It’s good, it’s good, but... ah... In a word Norman you’re stripping like a bird.
NORMAN (Losing his temper) That’s it! If all I’m going to get is... n-negative and and
CRAIG Steady on Norman, it’s not a personal attack.
GAVIN Look what you’ve done now! You’ve upset him!
CRAIG Well I’ve gotta be able to talk to you don’t I?
GAVIN You’re whole style is aggressive!
CRAIG Shut up!
GRAHAM Well it was working for me. Got me quite aroused.
CRAIG (Sharply) Look Graham, out. Just go!
GRAHAM You’re asking me to leave? (Gets up) Alright then. Fine. (He starts to go to the door,
turns) But I just want to let you know this is real sicko territory guys. Really weird,
CRAIG Thanks for your thoughts Graham. See you later down at the pub. Norman.
GRAHAM You don’t really think some Bozo’s gonna hire you?
CRAIG Don’t worry about that. A certain interest in these boys has already been expressed.
GAVIN What’s this Craig?
CRAIG I’ve got us an audition.
GRAHAM Oh yeah, who wants ya? The CWA?
CRAIG I put out the feelers and the water is warm. This thing’s gonna happen, don’t you
worry about that.
GRAHAM Come on Barry, enough’s enough? Drop all this crap and have a beer with me.
BARRY Who’s giving us this audition?
CRAIG Bernie... He runs the local club. He’s a shrewd judge of character. I’ve organised it for
GAVIN Wednesday night?
CRAIG – PAGE 41
WES And so ?.
CRAIG It’s gonna be a big crowd tonight and… we’re depending on you.
GAVIN So you’ve checked the bookings then have you?
CRAIG Course I have... course I have...
BARRY You haven’t, have you.
CRAIG I’m too scared.
GAVIN Give Bernie a ring now.
CRAIG Right. I’ll get an update.
(Craig pulls out his hand-phone and walks downstage. Others listen with interest)
CRAIG Bern, just ah...checking on the...yeah. Any numbers? Yeah, tell me. (pause) No
way. How is that poss-? I mean...(eyes widen) Shit. Right. Well it’s good she’s
coming. I’ll tell the guys. No, they’re keen. Can’t wait for tonight. Okay, thanks.
(CRAIG hangs up)
GAVIN Bad news?
CRAIG Guys listen up. As of half-an-hour ago... we got out first...full-house!!!!
(They all slap and cheer and shake each others hands)
Brilliant, huh? I told ya, didn’t I?! Fantastic. Oh, and Barry, Denise is gonna be
there - she’s bringing her whole office along.
(Barry goes pale)
GAVIN Where will they put the photocopier?
(The others all laugh - Barry looks stricken)
BARRY What the hell is she thinking?
CRAIG Take it easy -she just wants some fun like all the rest.
BARRY And at my expense. The bitch!
GAVIN She’s not a bitch Barry.
BARRY What’s she trying to do to me?
CRAIG For God’s sake, I only told you because I thought it would cheer you up.
CRAIG – PAGE 44
CRAIG Come on. He’s bullshitting. He won’t turn up.
(Silence, Craig can see the looks on all their faces.)
WES I’m out.
BARRY So am I.
NORMAN I...I can’t do it on my own.
WES Sorry man.
BARRY It’s not for me, that’s all.
CRAIG Just like that? Just like that? You get...heckled...by one drunken idiot...and you’re
I don’t believe you. You’re kidding? What about the money?
Eight weeks work!
WES Stuff the money.
BARRY Maybe we can do something else.
CRAIG Something else? Something else?!!!! You think I’ve come this far to do
something else?! No, no, no Barry, there is nothing else. I knew something like
this would happen! Every friggin’ time. I’m cursed! I’m friggin cursed!
(They all start to pack up as Craig watches)
GLENDA What’s going on?
CRAIG It’s off. They’ve let me down. All of them.
(Craig storms out)
(Glenda stares at the others, confused)
GLENDA What’s off?
NORMAN The show. We’re...we’re...we’re...not doing it.