CRAIG

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					                           CRAIG – PAGE 17

CRAIG    Okay! Stop! Stop!

NORMAN   What’s wrong?

CRAIG    It’s good, it’s good, but... ah... In a word Norman you’re stripping like a bird.

NORMAN   (Losing his temper) That’s it! If all I’m going to get is... n-negative and and
         destructive comments...

CRAIG    Steady on Norman, it’s not a personal attack.

GAVIN    Look what you’ve done now! You’ve upset him!

CRAIG    Well I’ve gotta be able to talk to you don’t I?

GAVIN    You’re whole style is aggressive!

CRAIG    Shut up!

GRAHAM   Well it was working for me. Got me quite aroused.

CRAIG    (Sharply) Look Graham, out. Just go!

GRAHAM   You’re asking me to leave? (Gets up) Alright then. Fine. (He starts to go to the door,
         turns) But I just want to let you know this is real sicko territory guys. Really weird,
         seriously.

CRAIG    Thanks for your thoughts Graham. See you later down at the pub. Norman.

GRAHAM   You don’t really think some Bozo’s gonna hire you?

CRAIG    Don’t worry about that. A certain interest in these boys has already been expressed.

GAVIN    What’s this Craig?

CRAIG    I’ve got us an audition.

GRAHAM   Oh yeah, who wants ya? The CWA?

CRAIG    I put out the feelers and the water is warm. This thing’s gonna happen, don’t you
         worry about that.

GRAHAM   Come on Barry, enough’s enough? Drop all this crap and have a beer with me.

BARRY    Who’s giving us this audition?

CRAIG    Bernie... He runs the local club. He’s a shrewd judge of character. I’ve organised it for
         Wednesday night.

GAVIN    Wednesday night?
                                        CRAIG – PAGE 41

WES                   And so ?.

CRAIG                 It’s gonna be a big crowd tonight and… we’re depending on you.

GAVIN                 So you’ve checked the bookings then have you?

CRAIG                 Course I have... course I have...

BARRY                 You haven’t, have you.

CRAIG                 I’m too scared.

GAVIN                 Give Bernie a ring now.
(Craig nods)

CRAIG                  Right. I’ll get an update.
(Craig pulls out his hand-phone and walks downstage. Others listen with interest)

CRAIG                 Bern, just ah...checking on the...yeah. Any numbers? Yeah, tell me. (pause) No
                      way. How is that poss-? I mean...(eyes widen) Shit. Right. Well it’s good she’s
                      coming. I’ll tell the guys. No, they’re keen. Can’t wait for tonight. Okay, thanks.
(CRAIG hangs up)

GAVIN                 Bad news?

CRAIG                 Guys listen up. As of half-an-hour ago... we got out first...full-house!!!!

(They all slap and cheer and shake each others hands)

                      Brilliant, huh? I told ya, didn’t I?! Fantastic. Oh, and Barry, Denise is gonna be
                      there - she’s bringing her whole office along.
(Barry goes pale)

GAVIN                  Where will they put the photocopier?
(The others all laugh - Barry looks stricken)

BARRY                 What the hell is she thinking?

CRAIG                 Take it easy -she just wants some fun like all the rest.

BARRY                 And at my expense. The bitch!

GAVIN                 She’s not a bitch Barry.

BARRY                 What’s she trying to do to me?

CRAIG                 For God’s sake, I only told you because I thought it would cheer you up.
                                          CRAIG – PAGE 44
CRAIG                 Come on. He’s bullshitting. He won’t turn up.

                      (Silence, Craig can see the looks on all their faces.)

                      What’s happening?

WES                   I’m out.

BARRY                 So am I.
(pause)

NORMAN                I...I can’t do it on my own.
(pause)

WES                   Sorry man.

BARRY                 It’s not for me, that’s all.
(pause)

CRAIG                 Just like that? Just like that? You get...heckled...by one drunken idiot...and you’re
                      all out?
(pause)
                      I don’t believe you. You’re kidding? What about the money?
                      Eight weeks work!

WES                   Stuff the money.

BARRY                 Maybe we can do something else.

CRAIG                 Something else? Something else?!!!! You think I’ve come this far to do
                      something else?! No, no, no Barry, there is nothing else. I knew something like
                      this would happen! Every friggin’ time. I’m cursed! I’m friggin cursed!

(They all start to pack up as Craig watches)

(Enter Glenda)

GLENDA                What’s going on?
(pause)

CRAIG                 It’s off. They’ve let me down. All of them.
(Craig storms out)

(Glenda stares at the others, confused)

GLENDA                What’s off?

NORMAN                The show. We’re...we’re...we’re...not doing it.

				
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posted:10/25/2011
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