Docstoc

Really Funny Jokes

Document Sample
Really Funny Jokes Powered By Docstoc
					1.
zindegi ek paheli hai…
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—

scroll karne se solve nahi hogi….




2.

This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month.
Her
name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She has a boy friend named
Shankar.
Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can
never
see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from
Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on
the
cost.

She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya‘s family knows
about
their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya‘s family. (just
imagine
their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends ―If I
pass
away please burn me with my handphone‖ she also said the same thing to
her
parents.

After her death, people cant carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them
tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to
carry
the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called their
neighbour, a ―bomoh‖ from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her
father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a
few
minutes, he said ―this girl misses something here‖. then her friends told
Darin about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the
coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that
they
tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the
van easily. All of us were shocked. (can u feel the fear. I‘m shaking at
this moment)

Priya‘s parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After
2
weeks Shankar called Priya‘s mom. Shankar :….‖Atte, I‘m coming home
today.
Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I‘m coming home today, i
wanna surprise her.‖ Her mother replied…..‖You come home first, i wanna
tell you something very important.‖ after he came, they told him the
truth
about Priya.

Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said
―dont
try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please
stop
this nonsense‖. then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) ..

He said… ―Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar
was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar‘s phone rang. ―see this is from Priya, see
this…‖ he showed the phone to priya‘s family. all of them told him to
answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his
conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of
Priya
& there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside
the coffin they were so shocked and asked for pak Darin‘s help again. pak
Darin brought his master (tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin
worked
for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing…
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

HUTCH has the best coverage :)

Wherever you go, our network follows!!!!




3.

Question : What is the opposite of Achaar…
….
….
….
….
….
….
No, nooo.. its not Vichaar

….
…..
….
….
Socho Socho
….
….
….

…..
Chalo hum batate hain…
….
….
….

….
Opposite of Achaar is Onion

Par Kaisse????

Aise :: Achaar = Pickle = pee-kal
Opposite of Pee-kal is Pee-aaj = peeaaaj == Onion….Hence proved!!!!




4.
WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE???


Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his
head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that
he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can‘t be
cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great
Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody‘s surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is
cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.

Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.
Guess, what he does?
He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards
the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the
gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the
middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster.. Rajanikanth has a revolver but
no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest
imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,
Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the
bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun….
Bang…the gangster dies…

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and
decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last
time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of
physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the
world hasn‘t changed. Oops, not so fast!

The ‗climax‘ finally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very
high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can‘t jump even if he tries like one
of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth
has to desperately kill the villain because it‘s the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun
in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he
uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.
The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits
Suicide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




5.

ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain… sab log use ―Hanuman‖ keh
kar bulate hain… batao kyun???
.
.
.
.
.




.
.
.
.

ans:kyunki uska nam hanuman hai!




6.

Whats the opposite of Real??

Its COCONUT….

kya hua…. Confused??

jara ….Socho…yaar ???

opposite of real is ‗Na-Real‘ . in English it is coconut
7.

i‘ll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our president….why
scroll down for answer
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

coz he is mr. a.P.J.abdul kalam




7.

what is the vector form of sridevi???? JJJJ
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)


ANS : - TABU!!!!

confused???? why????
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ok i‘l tell you…

.
.
.
. because.
.
.
.
.
.
. sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!




8.

What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to
call him up…?

:…

:…

:…
:…

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:…

:…..

:…

:…

:…

:…

:

:…

:…

:

:…

:…

:…

:…

:…

:…..

:…

:…
:…

:…

:

:…

:…

:

:

Ring De Basanti




9.

A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly
disease….
As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the
doctor… how??

scroll

…Because the patient had a bluetooth!!




10.

three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started
singing the song — AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.

Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died……any idea why?????

COZ the song is HIT……




11.

Once in MIT, there was an Indian student.
He was very briliant, and his General Knowledge (GK) was excellent.
He won every Quiz in the institute .... Once he fell in love with a
Phirangi girl...
He proposed the girl, but She straight way rejected him ... calling him
Bloody Desi...
So after this, his GK fell drastically, and he stopped taking part in
Quiz
and all.....
Now, u tell me the reason ... WHY ???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.

.
.

becoz,

Jab Dil hee toot gaya....
toh GK kya karenge ...




13.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father‘s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn‘t punish him?‖
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.




14.

> Ek Bus main Ladke aur Ladkiyon ki team bani , Antakshari khelane ke

> liye

>

> Girls : Hum tumko hara ke dikhayenge

>
> Any Guesses for BOYS response

>

> socho socho………………

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Are bhai boys are boys……………..   >

>

>

>

>
>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Boys: Hum Har gaye , Chalo aab dikhao…




15.



In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier ,
Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing
colleges, always speaks in English. Thatcollege s tudents have
collected & published a book by name ―Jappier‘s Spoken English‖
…. Njoy ………..with his…………..English…………..

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great
―Jappier‘s Spoken English‖

# At the ground:
—————–
All of you stand in a straight circle. (Straigh circle)
There is no wind in the balloon.     (ballon without air…fushhh)
The girl with the mirror please comes her…{Means: girl with specs
please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:
———————
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:
———————–
You, rotate the ground four times…
You, go and understand the tree…
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO …..(?)
# Sir at his best:
—————
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to
see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at s school… (to that boy) - ―Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre‖

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
———————————————-
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> ―Both of u three get out of the class.‖
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences …

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached,
the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am
late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

―This college strict u the worry no …. U get good marks, I the
happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the
enjoy‖

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

―No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police ―




15.



A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of
her students

The teacher asked,‖Boy. what is your problem?‖

Boy. answered, ―I‘m too smart for the first-grade! .My sister is in
the third-grade and I‘m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!‖
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal‘s office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he
was
to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed
to take the test.

Princi! pal: ―What is 3 x 3?‖

Boy.: ―9?.

Principal: ―What is 6 x 6?‖

Boy.: ―36?.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, ―I think
Boy.
can go to the third-grade.‖

Ms Neelam says to the principal, ―I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?‖ The principal and Boy. both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, ―What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy., after a moment ―Legs.‖

M! s Nee lam: ―What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?‖

Boy.: ―Pockets.‖

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,

oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And

sticky? The principal‘s eyes open really wide and before he could

stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting

down and a dog does on three legs? The principal‘s ey! es open
really wide and before he could stop the answer…

Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some ―Who am I‖ sort of questions, okay?

Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you‘re

bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was

looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I‘m not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.

Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‗F‘ and ends in ‗K‘ that means lot
of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‗F‘ and ends in ‗K‘ & if u don‘t get
it u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it‘s longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn‘t use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they‘re married?

Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
―Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!‖




16.

Interviewer: How do you start a synchronous motor?

Candidate: Vrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in rising pitch)

Interviewer: Stop! Stop!

Candidate: rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (in falling pitch)




17.



Guru ji : Raju.. agar class mein 20 benches hain aur 25 ladke hain to
batao ki samne wale sev ke ped pe kitne aam hain…
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Raju : Guru ji … 50
.
.
Guru ji : wo kaise ?!?!?!??? !!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
..

.
..
.
.
.
Raju : wo isliye guru ji ki …
.
.
.
.
.

.
main aaj apne lunch ke dabbe mein aaloo ke parathe laya hoon…




18.

Funny but Honest Definitions

Atom Bomb - An invention made to end all inventions.

Boss - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Cigarette - A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a
fool on the other.

Classic - A book which people praises a lot, but do not read.

College - A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

Committee - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.

Compromise - The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference - The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room - A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &
everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal - A guy no different from the rest… except that he has got
caught.

Dictionary - A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually looks forward to the trip.

Divorce - Future tense of marriage.

Doctor - A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his
bills.

Ecstasy - A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you
have never felt before.

Etc. - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually
do.

Experience - The name men give to their mistakes.

Father - A banker provided by nature.

Lecture - An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ―the minds
of either‖.

Love affairs - Something like cricket where one-day internationals are
more popular than a five-day test.

Marriage - It‘s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and
woman gains her master.

Miser - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Optimist - A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway
―See I am not injured yet.‖

Opportunist - A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls
into a river.

Pessimist - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead
of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Philosopher - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
when dead.

Politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Smile - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears - The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Yawn - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.




19.

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him
then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher   :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No   ma‘m! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher   :Why?
Raju:My   mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

Teacher:‖What is your name?‖.
Student:‖Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.‖
Teacher:‖When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english.‖
Student:‖My name is Sunlight.‖

Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what
is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.




20.

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY

FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY
AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.
THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING
LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD
TO
PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO
APPEAR
FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST
AFTER 3
DAYS.

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY
APPEARED
BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION TEST.

ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY
ALL
AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST
CONSISTED

OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.

Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)

Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST -------(98 MARKS)!!




21.

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students,
one by one, ―Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice
young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?‖
she asked.

―Just a minute, I have to go piss.‖

The teacher replied, ―That would be rude and impolite! What about you
Sam, how would you say it?‖

―I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I‘ll be right
back.‖

The teacher responded, ―That‘s better, but it‘s still not very nice to
say the word bathroom at the table. And you Johnny, are you able to use
your intelligence for once and show your good manners?‖
―I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom I hope you‘ll get to
meet after dinner.‖




22.



Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman
Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai….

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game bajayi
hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain…

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta hai…
kuch is tarah se…

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na… Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya…

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha… aur utney mein samney wali
building pe apun ki nazar gayi…

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko…. to apun builidng ke
neeche gaya
Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya… apun seedi chadte yehich
sochrela tha ―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola…. kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya apun
ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki ―Chaman Bhai
ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha… Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha ―Chaman
Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha… Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne a! pna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali
ke…lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha ―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi
karne ka‖

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega….. zyada boli to
body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka…. Aakhir, ―Chaman Bhai ka
area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya…. sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil
jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.
Chaman : Haan, woh to hai…. Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha…. apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya….
lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha ―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda
nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha
―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha ―Chaman Bhai k! a
area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman : (Getting frustrated)..

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi….. phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha
―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey… aagey bol saley….

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii…..lekin bhai kasam se……main yehi
soch raha tha ―Chaman Bhai ka area hai….. Lafda nahi karne ka‖

Chaman: Abey teri to…. Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney….. tu aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich…… yehich - apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai…..aur game baja
dala.!!!
23.

Lady: doc. i got brown discharge at my vagina ….   is it infection?
doc: how often do u hve sex?
lady: once a month.
doc: yeh infection nahi, zang lag gaya hai!!!

Principal said ―If any boy go 2 da gurlz hostel rs. 100 fine for 1st
time, 200 rs. for 2nd time,500 for 3rd time..
Munna Bhai bola ‖ Monthly Pass ka kitna lagega mamu

How you define Table Tenis???????
Room ke aander, table ke upper,bulb ke niche de tka-tek, le tka-tek.




24.

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta ?

Man: Uske side mein ‗Always Wear Condom‘ ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke
baithoon?

—————————-

Ek sawaal: Duniya ka sabse mushkil kaam kya hai?

Jawaab: Soye huye pappu par condom chadhaana

—————————–

Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?

Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti bhi khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha hi
hai

—————————–

A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?

Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara

Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja

—————————–

Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I‘m dropping to Airport
today

Lady: But I‘m not pregnant
Driver: But we hvn‘t reached airport yet

—————————–

Condom to whisper: Bloody every month u stop my business for one week

Whisper: If u make a mistake I lose my business for 9 months

—————————–

Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne
lagi

Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

—————————–

Why is golf called a wrong game?

Coz u hold a stick n put the ball in the hole instead of holding the ball
n putting the stick in the hole




25.

Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new
method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6
and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5, 3-
5, 3-5…




26.

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing by a peaceful lake beneath
some weeping willow trees. The grandfather takes out a cigarette and
lights it.

Little Johnny says, ―Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?‖
―Can you touch your butt with your penis?‖

―No,‖ replies Little Johnny.

―Then, you‘re not big enough,‖ explains the grandfather.

A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of his cooler and opens
it.

Little Johnny then asks, ―Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?‖

―Can you touch your asshole with your penis?‖

―No,‖ says Little Johnny.

―Then, you‘re not old enough.‖

Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny gets hungry so he
reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of cookies, and eats one.

The grandfather looks at him and says, ―They look good, can I have one of
your cookies?‖

―Can you touch your asshole with your penis?‖

―I most certainly can!‖ says the grandfather proudly.

―Then go fuck yourself… these are my cookies!‖




27.

Anita was in her late thirties and still not married.

She just had a hard time meeting men.

And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks.

Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.

Anita wrote: ―Looking for a man who won?t beat me, won?t leave me, and is
excellent in bed.‖

Several days went by and she hadn‘t gotten a single call. Then, one day
she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door.

She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a
wheelchair with no arms and no legs.

―Can I help you?‖ Anita asked.
He said, ―I am the man of your dreams!‖

Anita was baffled. She said, ―Excuse me.‖

―I read your personal add in the paper and I am the perfect man for you.
I have no arms, so I can?t beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave
you.‖

―But are you good in bed?‖ Anita asked.

He replied, ―How do you think I knocked on the door?!‖




28.

Two dwarfs go into a bar where they pick up two women & take them to
their separate hotel rooms.

The 1st dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is
made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little
friend shouting out cries of ―Here I come again! One, two, three, uh,‖
all night long.

In the morning, the 2nd dwarf asks the 1st ―How did it go?‖

The 1st mutters ―It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn‘t get an
erection.‖

The 2nd dwarf shook his head & says ―You think that‘s embarrassing? I
couldn‘t even get on the bed.‖




29.

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best




30.

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow




31.

Dear Friend,

when i   ask u flower,
u give   me bouquet
when i   ask u a stone
u give   me a statue
when i   ask u a feather
u give   me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?




32.

when i call u;
1 ring means i‘m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot




33.

WIFE'S DIARY…

I asked him what was wrong - he said, ―Nothing.‖ I asked him if it was my
fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to
worry. On the way home, I told him that I loved him, but he simply smiled
and kept driving. I can‘t explain his behavior; I don‘t know why he
didn‘t
say, ―I love you too.‖
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant
and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed.
About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had
fallen
asleep.
I started crying and cried until I fell asleep. I do not know what to do.
I‘m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone
else. My life is a disaster.

HUSBAND'S DIARY…

Today India lost the cricket match again. DAMN IT.




34.

You're the cum your mamma should have swallowed!

				
DOCUMENT INFO
Shared By:
Categories:
Stats:
views:152
posted:10/24/2011
language:Afrikaans
pages:31
Description: Really funny jokes for you !