Sept pub by alicejenny


									 USSVI — Blueback Base Newsletter              Blueback Base, P.O. Box 1887
Portland Oregon September 2007 #163                Clackamas, OR 97015

               The Creed of the USSVI is Not to Forget our Purpose……
“ To perpetuate the memory of our shipmates who gave their lives in the pursuit of duties while
serving their country. That their dedication, deeds, and supreme sacrifice be a constant source
of motivation toward greater accomplishments, Pledge loyalty and patriotism to the United States

                                                            Forward Battery
       BASE MEETINGS...                                     Base Commander
                                                                  J.D. Corbett                    503 304-1700
           Executive Board Will meet                        Vice Commander
                                                                  Duane Sanger                    503 253-8752
              September 11, 2007
                     OMSI                                          Raymond L. Lough               360 573-4274
           Blueback Base Meeting                                  Scott Duncan                     503-667-0728
               Will meet at the                              Chaplain
              VFW Post #4248                                     Scott Duncan                      503-667-0728
                                                             Chief of the Boat
           7118 S.E.Fern—Portland
                                                                  Bob Walters                     503-284-8693
         Thursday 13 September 2007
                                                             Ways and Means Chairman
                                                                 Mike LaPan                        503-665-7797
                                                             Membership Chairman
                                                                  Ray Lough                       360-573-4274
                                                              Publicity and Social Chairman
                                                                 LeRoy Vick                        503-367-6087
                                                             Bylaws Chairman
     Change of Address?...
                                                                      Chris Stafford               503-632-4535
      In order to maintain the proper addresses, both for
    the base Roster and the delivery of the Newsletter,      Small Stores Boss
    Change of Address information should be sent to               Bill Bryan
    either the base mailing address located on the top of
    this newsletter or to:                                   Trustee
                         Robert Walters                          Fred Carneau                      503-654-0451
                      4105 NE Alberta Ct.                    Editor
                      Portland, OR 97211                         Ray Lough                        360-573-4274
                         (503) 284-8693
                      or on the Internet at:                                  
                           Past Base Commander
      And if YOU have an E-mail address send it to               Chris Stafford                   503 632-4535
    Robert Walters ( so
    you can be on the E-mail list for announcements          Historian, Editor of Jokes in Poor Taste, Editor on
    and Urgent Updates.                                      Demand, POC, and all around good guy..
      Send any articles for the Sanitary to Ray Lough           Bob Walters                    503-284-8693 or mail to: 3313 NE160
    St,Ridgefield WA 98642
                                               September, 2007 Page 2

                Blueback Base Meeting
                   August 11, 2007
 Meeting held at Champoeg State Park before Base             DUES
                                                             ANNUAL              NATIONAL BASE
 12:30 Meeting called to order
        Tolling of Lost Boats                                 1 YR                $20.00               $15.00
        Invocation                                            3 YR pre-pay        $55.00               $15.00 / Yr
        Secretary report                                      5 YR pre-pay        $90.00               $15.00 / Yr
        Treasurer report
                                                             LIFE                NATIONAL BASE
     Base Commander J.D.Corbett:
         October 12,13,14 is the scheduled Crab Fest @        < Age 45            $500.00              $300.00
          Nehalem Bay State Park.                             Ages 46-55 yrs      $400.00              $250.00
          November 11 is Veteran’s Day Parade in
                                                              Ages 56-65 yrs      $300.00              $200.00
          Hollywood district in Portland.
          December 13 is the Base Christmas Dinner @         Ages 66-75 yrs       $200.00              $150.00
          the VFW Hall. Cost of the dinners this year will
                                                              Ages 76 +           $100.00              $50.00
           be $27.00. Contact Bob Walters.
          Base Elections are November. Offices up for
           election are : Secretary and Treasurer.
           2nd reading of the proposed Bylaws/Policy         BLUEBACK DECKING
            changes.                                         We have a six inch piece of the original deck for $10,
      New Business:                                          with a $5 postage
                                                             fee. The deck will be mailed USPS Priority Mail with
             Bill Bryan has patches for the 2007 USSVI       tracking. A label is
             Cruise. They can’t be had onboard ship.         attached to the bottom that authenticates the 'source'....
             Chris Stafford: Canadiens are having their
                                                             Send coins to:
              2008 Convention May 2,3,4 of 2008 in
                                                             Bob Walters
               Victoria, B.C.                                USSVI Blueback Base
             Pat Householder gave a talk on fund raising     4105 N.E. Alberta Court
              using the USSVI calendars. He is the Nat’l     Portland, OR 97211
              Junior Vice Commander of USSVI.                                       Lost Boats
             Base Commander J.D.Corbett presented             USS Grayling (SS-209) in 1943
              Clarence Scott’s granddaughter with a           USS Cisco (SS-290) in 1943
                Scholarship check for $1250.                  USS S-51 (162) in 1925
 Meeting adjourned.                                           USS S-5 (SS-110) in 1920
 Picnic began asap!
 Muster List: Duncan, Lough, Solheim, Stubbs, Bywater
 Carneau,Kelly, Walters, Thrall, Vrooman, Herman,
Bryan, Zenk, Dolan, Cummins, Sanger, Schumuck, Lee,           Chuck Macaluso               Fred Marsden
Householder, Stafford, Collins, Corbett.                      Duane Sanger                 Ronald Bell
 Respectfully submitted                                       Thomas Mich                  Pat McWaters
 Ray Lough                                                    Alan Nolan
 Blueback Base Secretary                                      Thomas Glascoe
                                                              Philip Rau
                                                              Bob Lee
                                                              Frank Rusch
                                                September,2007 Page 3

                      Binnacle List                           U.S.Navy Chief Petty Officer saves the life of Junior
 No one reported in!                                               Officer during horse-back riding mishap
 Remember our troops in your prayers!                           A young lieutenant decides to try horseback riding,
                                                              even though he has had no lessons or prior experience.
                                                              He mounts the horse, unassisted and the horse immedi-
                                                              ately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady
                    Gifts to Soldiers                         and rhythmic pace, the L.T. begins to slip from the sad-
  Sheila Bryan (Bill Bryan) has become involved in a          dle. In terror, he grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot
national program that sends gift packages to our troops       get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the
overseas. She has been certified to mail directly to a        horse’s neck, but he slides down the side of the horse
requesting service person. She is willing to accept dona-     anyway!
tions from anyone who would like to participate in the          The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it’s
program. Please remember that the items must fit into         slipping rider. Finally, losing his frail grip, the L.T. at-
the U.S.Post Office’s mailing boxes.                          tempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to
  Some recommended items for mailing are: Books,              safety. Unfortunately, his foot becomes entangled in the
Magazines, Puzzle books, cards, hard candy, station-          stirrup, and he is now at the mercy of the horse’s pound-
ary, tea bags, beef jerky, gum, wet wipes, bug wipes,         ing hooves as his head is struck against the ground over
personal hygiene items, DVDs, computer games.                 and over and over.
  Sheilah can be contacted at                  As his head is battered against the ground and he is
                                                              mere moments away from unconsciousness, to his grat
Elections for the offices of Secretary and Treasurer          fortune, a Chief shopping at Wal-Mart, sees him and
                Nominees are needed                           unplugs the horse.
  The duties of the Secretary shall include, but not be                   Diesels Just Blowing Smoke?
limited to:
                                                                                   By Joe Buff
  1. The taking and keeping of the minutes of all Base
      meetings and Executive Board meetings.                    Should the Navy shift back to diesel-powered subma-
                                                              rines as it reshapes its forces to meet the challenges of
  2. Answer and keep a record of all Base correspon-          conducting military operations in coastal areas?
                                                                The debate is roiling the waters in the submarine com-
  3. Publication and distribution of all Base newsletter.     munity. The question is whether the Navy should rely on
  4. He shall keep the membership rolls in a manner           large, nuclear fast-attack and guided-missile subma-
      prescribed by the Commander.                            rines for conducting undersea operations in littoral wa-
  5. He shall draft “Calls of Meetings”.                      ters or begin acquiring smaller, diesel-powered subs to
                                                              do the job. Peoponents od diesel subs argue they would
  6. He shall assist and advise as the Commander              be able to penetrate closer to shore than nuclear boats
      sees fit.                                               and would be more maneuverable, quieter, less vulner-
  The duties of the Treasurer shall include, but not be       able— and far cheaper to boot.
limited to:                                                     As such, they contend, the ideal structure for the U.S.
  1. Accept and keep record of all monies.                    submarine force in this age of littoral operations would
  2. Disburse such monies as may be necessary.                bea so-called “high-low mix” that combines high-
                                                              capability nuclear attack subs and guided-missile
  3. Keep complete and accurate financial reports.            subs—SSNs and SSGNs— for blue-water conflict with a
  4. He shall exhibit at all reasonable times his books       supplemental fleet of diesels for coastal operations. The
      and accounts to any member of the Executive             diesel subs would be forward-based, to help overcome
      Board upon application.                                 their limitations of range and mobility. And they would
                                                              be equipped with state-of-the-art, air-independent pro-
  5. Assure the Tax Exempt status of the organization.
                                                              pulsion systems (AIPs), which would carry oxygen in
  6. The Treasurer shall assure that all monies dis-          some form as an additional fuel, enabling the diesel
      bursed have the approval of the Commander and           boats to remain submerged without snorkeling for
      that all monies disbursed over fifty dollars ($50.00)   weeks at a time. (Diesel AIPs are known as SSIs, differ-
      have the approval of the Executive Board.               entiating them from purely diesel-electric powered
  7. Serves on the Executive Board.                           hunter-killer subs, the SSKs.) So far, the discussion in
                                                              Navy professional journals has been dominated by pro-
                                                              ponents of diesel subs. But many of the arguments put
  Gary Webb is a nominee for Treasurer. Let’s have            forward in favor of diesel boats for the U.S.Navy’s par-
some of you step up and help out the club by volunteer-       ticular needs either are myths or have been significantly
ing to help run and make decisions concerning the Blue-       exaggerated. There is a persuasive case that nuclear-
back Base                                                     powered sub fleets can do the job better than diesels, at
                                                              less overall cost. It is more wise to focus attention, not
                                                              on acquiring new American diesel boats but on develop-
                                                              ing the Chief of Naval Operations’ concept of “the 1,000
                                                 September, 2007 Page 4
ship Navy” as a global maritime security force that in-        Sidewinders and anti-torpedo torpedoes) will enable it to
cludes SSKs and SSIs of other cooperating countries.           defend itself if necessary, withdraw to deep water and
  Closer Encounters                                            later repenetrate the littoral area at a more opportune
  Proponents od acquiring diesel subs argue that be-           time. While an SSI must use its fuels carefully and re-
cause an SSI is smaller and requires less sea clearance        charge its batteries frequently, a nuclear boat can re-
than a nuclear boat, it can penetrate far closer to shore      charge its minivehicles (its UUVs and AUVs) indefinitely.
without risk of bumping its nose, dragging its tail, or        Indeed, equipping a nuclear submarine with off-board
breaking the surface unintentionally. In reality, however,     probes inherently solves the problem of covert com-
the differences aren’t that great. The typical SSGN is         mand and control among several SSIs: there is a single
only about 25 feet higher than a diesel-propelled SSI,         control room where all human tactical decisions are
and for the Virginia-class SSN the disparity is only some      made, face-to-face. Submariners say modeling simula-
15 feet. Moreover, the question of how much clearance          tions have shown that one nuclear sub with two or three
is acceptable for a particular class of sub depends more       autonomous probes can patrol a length of seacoast sev-
on a vessel’s ship-handling and stability than on the size     eral hundred miles long.
of the boat itself. Submariners say the key to operating       ( Tune in next month for a continuation of this articl by
safely in littoral areas with a large sub is simply to move    Joe Buff, Submarine Fiction writer)
  What is more, the ability of nuclear boats to operate                         HARD TO BELIEVE!!
closer to shore can be improved by equipping them with           I was truly amazed at what I witnessed at a recent din-
minisized unmanned undersea vehicles or autonomous             ner party which included our own walkinf TDU, Bob Wal-
undersea vehicles (UUVs or AUVs ). They can be used            ters.
as remote robot sensor probes, enabling crew members
to scout ahead and combine their survey of on-the-spot           What was so AMAZING was a plate of food being car-
conditions with satellite data on local sea characteris-       ried off by one of the waiters from Bob’s station. He
tics.                                                          couldn’t clean his plate. But of course he could reach
                                                               over and snitch some of his LOVELY wife’s dessert!
  Contentions that nuclear-powered subs are less ma-
neuverable than diesels are similarly flawed. Virginia-          TCH-TCH-TCH, and such a good Catholic boy?
class are equipped with a new computer-controlled
autopilot and hovering system that enables them to                A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court,
maintain a specific depth to within one-tenth of a foot        the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
and to remain perfectly level in any but the roughest          Clyde.
seas. Thus, they can penetrate close to shore wherever         "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine,"
the contours of the sea floor permit. Ohio-class               asked the lawyer.
SSGNs— onetime SSBNs that have been converted                  Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I
into SSGNs— also are very stable. In their former incar-       had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
nations, they had to be able to fire sub-launched ballistic    "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted."
missiles (SLBMs) over thousands of miles with pinpoint         "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the
accuracy and recover quickly from each jolt to be ready        scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?
for another possible launch. As the Ohio-class subs are        Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer
overhauled, they receive hovering and trim systems en-         and I was driving down the road...."
hancements.                                                    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am try-
  Turning radius is another false issue. While its true        ing to establish the fact that, at the scene of the acci-
that an SSI typically is only half as long as an SSN or        dent, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene
SSGN, ship length is not a major factor in maneuvering         that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the acci-
horizontally. And if a nuclear sub needs to wriggle into       dent he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a
very narrow corners, it can deploy its manned and un-          fraud! Please tell him to simply answer the question."
manned minivehicles, which are far smaller than any            By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's
SSI.                                                           answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he
  It is also a misconception that submerged, non-              has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie"
snorkeling SSIs can run at their top speeds for long peri-     Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was
ods. When a diesel submarine accelerates to sprint             saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into
speed, it draws power from its regular batteries. Once         the trailer and was driving her down the highway when
the batteries go flat, the AIP equipment of an SSI’s pro-      this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
pulsion system permits cruising at only a few knots. If        smacked my truck right in the side.
the captain wants to use the AIP system to recharge his        I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into
batteries, his speed is even more restricted for quite         the other.
some time. The reality is that it limits the range of the      I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. How-
SSI, making it easier for an enemy nuclear sub to pur-         ever, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I
sue and destroy the diesel. If the pursuing nuclear boat
                                                               knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
gets into trouble, its superior mobility and its wider array
of available countermeasures ( burgeoning arsenal of           Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on
“stand-and-fight” weapons such as sub-launched anti-air        the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning
                                                   September,2007 Page 5
so he went over to her.                                            early months of World War II. Her last official radio message
After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her           to the submarine base at Dutch Harbor came on July 30,
between the eyes.                                                  1942 and described heavy enemy activity at the Japanese
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand,              seaplane base at Kiska Harbor.
                                                                   Earlier that month, the Grunion had sunk two Japanese sub-
looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?"                      marine chasers and heavily damaged a third near Kiska, one
"Now what the hell would you say?”                                 of two islands in the far west Aleutians captured by the Japa-
                                                                   nese. Until a few years ago, the clues to the Grunion's disap-
                                                                   pearance were too fragmented to justify a search.
                                                                   After receiving more information from a model ship builder in
                                                                   Japan, the Abeles launched an initial expedition to Kiska in
                                                                   August 2006. Sonar images of a sub-shaped silhouette
                                                                   prompted a second journey this month.
                                                                   As news of the search spread, several relatives of the Grun-
                                                                   ion's crew banded together to locate others with ties to the
                                                                   lost men. To date, the relatives of 69 men are following the
                                                                   progress of the search, said Mary Bentz of Bethesda, Md.,
                                                                   whose uncle died on the Grunion.
                                                                   Bentz said the news is a relief after decades of not knowing
                                                                   what happened. Her father's youngest brother, Carmine An-
                                                                   thony Parziale, of Weedville, Penn., was in his early 20s
                                                                   when he served as a torpedoman third class on Grunion.
                                                                   "I know when my dad would talk about him, his eyes would
                                                                   well up with tears," said Bentz. "I was relieved to know that
                                                                   this is finally over, that now we can say, two and three gen-
                                                                   erations later, that we know what happened."
                                                                   A forensic engineer and other experts will use the footage to
 The mangled remains of a vessel found in the Bering Sea           piece together the Grunion's final hours and figure out why it
 are likely those of a World War II submarine that disap-          sank. The search crew of 17 plans to spend several more
 peared with a crew of 70 off the Aleutian Island of Kiska.        days looking for sunken Japanese ships in the area.
                                                                   "Actually seeing the burial site was touching and in a way
 The discovery of the USS Grunion on Wednesday night               rewarding," John Abele said. "It provides a closing and
 culminates a five-year search led by the sons of its com-         hopefully an answer to the unknown."
 mander, Mannert Abele, and may finally shine a light on the
 mysterious last moments of the doomed vessel.
 "Obviously, this is a very big thing," the oldest son, Bruce
 Abele, said Thursday from his home in Newton, Mass. "I told
 my wife about it when she was still in bed and she practically
 went up to the ceiling."
 A remotely operated vehicle snapped pictures and captured
 three hours of video footage of the Grunion on a rocky un-
 derwater slope north of the volcanic island, according to
 another brother, John Abele, who was in Kiska Harbor with
 the search team on Thursday.                                                               OOPS!
 The submarine lies 1,000 feet below the surface and had
 been crushed by water pressure, said Abele. He is director         Last month I identified this member as Gerry Keffer.
 and co-founder of the medical equipment company Boston           Actually it is Dave Vrooman who joined in January of
 Scientific Corp. and the youngest of the three brothers.         this year.
 "The most surprising thing was the damage," he said. "It was       Am I bad!!
 much more than we or anyone else imagined. Initially it was
 very hard to recognize as a ship."
 The hull had imploded so severely that the interior, including
 bunks and a dive wheel, were clearly visible, Abele said. No
 human remains were found.
 The search team hired by the Abeles, Deep Sea Systems
 International, said no identifying markings or lettering could
 be seen, however, the location and appearance of the ves-
 sel indicate it is the missing sub.
 "There's a 95 percent chance that this is the Grunion and a
 less than five percent chance that it's not," said Christopher
 J. Nicholson, general manager of the Cataumet, Mass.-
 based company. "The fact that they actually found this in an
 expanse of ocean is really pretty spectacular."
 The Grunion had a propeller guard, which was rare in subs
 of the day, Abele said. The vessel discovered yesterday also
 had the fence, which prevented docking lines from getting
 caught in the propeller.
 The Grunion patrolled Alaska's Aleutian Islands during the
                                         September,2007 Page 6
                                                      Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee
                                                      every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at
                                                      6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
                                                       "I don't wake up until 7:00

                                                      A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Washing-
                                                      ton, IA, to Branson,
                                                      As they entered Missouri, an elderly woman comes up
                                                      to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"
                                                      The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a
                                                      dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit
                                                      A short time later, another old woman comes forward,
                                                      and claims that she was just molested. The driver
                                                      thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would
                                                      be molesting those old ladies?
                    True Love                         About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and
                                                      says that she'd been molested too.
                                                      The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls
                                                      into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and
                                                      stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees
                                                      crawling in the aisles.
                                                      "Hey Marty, what are you doing down there?" says the
                                                      bus driver.
                                                      "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but
                                                      every time I try to grab it..., it runs away...!!"
                                                      Two clergymen are on an airplane, a Catholic priest and
                                                      a Mormon bishop.
                                                      After a while, the priest turns to the bishop and asks, "Is
                                                      it still a requirement of your faith that you are not to drink
                                                      coffee?" The Mormon bishop responds, "Yes that is still
                                                      one of our beliefs."
                                                      The Catholic priest then asks, "Have you ever had a cup
                                                      of coffee?"
                 Pat Householder                      "Yes," says the Mormon bishop, "I have to admit on one
                                                      occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tried a cup of
  Pat was at the Champoeg picnic and spoke on Nat’l   coffee."
affairs and fund raising ideas.
                                                      The Catholic priest nods in understanding and goes on
                                                      with his reading.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-      A while later, the Mormon bishop speaks up and asks,
old man. "You always feel like you have to pee        "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you
and most of the time you stand there and noth-        remain celibate?" The Catholic priest replies, "Yes, that
ing comes out."                                       is still one of our vows."
 "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When     The Mormon bishop then asks, "Father, have you ever
you're seventy, you don't have a bowel move-          fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
ment any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit      The Catholic priest replied, "Yes, Bishop, on one occa-
on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"         sion, I was weak and broke my vow."
 "Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the    The Mormon bishop nodded understandingly for a mo-
worst age of all."                                    ment. A few minutes later he smiled, looked at the
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the          Catholic priest and then said, "A lot better than coffee,
                                                      isn't it?"
60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a
racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
 "So, do you have a problem with your bowel
 "No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
                                                  September,2007 Page 7
              A Silent Warrior’s Final Day                      Francisco in the late 1980s and early 1990.
   On a dark and gloomy rain-filled day, a shroud of se-        In 1994, the Parche and its crew of 190 moved from
crecy permeated the air on the Bremerton waterfront, it         Mare Island to Bangor. It had already earned six Presi-
was the perfect setting for the final day in the top-           dential Unit Citations by that time and earned another
secrete career of the Bangor-based USS Parche, onr of           three after its transfer to Bangor, including a ninth for its
the world’s most prolific spy submarines.                       final deployment that ended in late September.
                                                                The Parche’s final resume also included 13 Navy Expe-
   By the time its life ended Tuesday(October 20,2004) in
a decommissioning ceremony at the Bremerton naval               ditionary Medals and 10 Navy Unit Commendations– all
base, the Parche was the most highly decorated ship in          unprecedented numbers.
Naval history– even though most Americans have never            “Parche has had a career unmatched in the annals of
heard of it.                                                    submarine history,” said Rear Adm. Paul Sullivan, com-
                                                                mander of the Pacific Fleet submarine force.
   Commissioned in 1974, the Parche spent 30 years              “Parche has gathered enough citations that are just truly
and 19 deployments as America’s top espionage sub,
                                                                remarkable...based on her superb performance in criti-
reportedly tapping the undersea military communication
lines of the Soviet Union during the Cold War, plucking         cal national tasking.She now ranks among the most leg-
lost Soviet weaponry from the ocean floor and gathering         endary vessels to ever have sailed under our flag.”
intelligence on other enemies afterward.                        Sullivan compared the Parche’s storied past to other
                                                                Navy vessels, such as USS Constitution, USS Monitor,
   The Parche (pronounced PAR-chee) was officially              USS Missouri and USS Nautilus. “And now there is
designated by the Navy as a “research and develop-              Parche,” he said.
ment” submarine. And it did plenty of that, resting new
                                                                The ship figured prominently in “Blind Man’s Bluff: The
sonar and undersea warfare technologies.
                                                                Untold Story of American Submarine Espionage,” a non-
   But its highly classified missions, none of which have       fiction book published in the 1990s, which described
ever been officially confirmed, are the most intriguing         how it spent its Cold War days spying on the Soviet Un-
aspect of its history. Many of those missions were              ion.
deemed to be of “vital importance to U.S. national secu-        It’s also been reported the sub, with a claw-like device,
rity”, earning the submarine an unprecedented nine              was able to pick up lost Soviet missiles or bombs from
Presidential Unit Citations. The vast majority of ships
                                                                the sea floor. Later, it reportedly deployed unmanned
never receive even one.
                                                                drones to complete many of the espionage tactics.
   For being the most decorated ship ever, shouldn’t            Following the Cold War, the Parche continued its highly
more people be made aware of what it accomplished?              classified missions, with many observers citing an even
   “Those that need to know, know,”said a matter-of-fact        higher sense od secrecy. It’s said the Parche spent
Rear Adm. Ben Wachendorf, who commanded the                     plenty of time in the Persian Gulf, gleaning intelligence
Parche from 1988 to 1993.                                       on Iraq and Iran, and traveled through the Western Pa-
   Wachendorf, now U.S.defense attaché in Moscow,               cific keeping tabs on China and North Korea.
traveled from Russia to be at the ceremonies. “I would-         Capt. Richard Charles, the Parche’s first commander,
n’t have missed it for anything,” he said. “It means a lot      traveled from Mobil, Aa., for the ceremony. He took
to be able to say goodbye to an old friend.”                    command while the sub was being built and went on its
   In fact, all but one of the Parche’s nine former com-        first deployment, a five-month journey in the Mediterra-
manders were present at the Parche’s decommission-              nean Sea. After that, the sub transferred to the West
ing. In addition, about 130 former crew members, most           Coast and began its spy missions a few years later.
belonging to the USS Parche Association, were on hand           “Those guys in the Pacific had all the fun,” Charles
to witness the sub’s inactivation.                              joked. “I just built it. It’s always sad to see a ship retire,
                                                                but after a while, they are like you and me; they wear
   Those who returned to see their sub one last time said
it was not only the comraderie od submarine life that           out.”
made Parche special, but also the exotic and extremely          Ironically, the name of the Parche’s last at-sea com-
challenging missions it completed, which often involved         mander, Capt. Charles Richard, was a mirror image of
excruciating long periods spent submerged with dwin-            the sub’s first. Richard was relieved in a change-of-
dling food and supplies.                                        command ceremony after leading the Parche on two
                                                                post-September 11th deployments, including one that
   “It’s the end of the life cycle,” said Manchester resident
                                                                lasted 122 days in 2002.
Will Longman, chairman of the Parche Association. “It’s
very meaningful. The conraderie does not go away. And           “Being commander of this ship was an extraordinary
the uniqueness of Parche imparts its own special com-           experience and I was fortunate to be given the experi-
raderie.”                                                       ence,” he said. “I hope that each man who has served
                                                                aboard this ship will look back and swell with pride
   The Parche also was the last of the Navy’s 37 Stur-          knowing that he answered his country’s call.”
geon-class fast attack subs to be deactivated– though it
                                                                Following the ceremony, the Parche, probably one of
barely resembled any of the other ships of that class.
                                                                the least known subs to the general public because of
   That’s because its hull was extended by 100 feet to          its highly classified missions, silently shifted over to
accommodate extensive classified modifications in a             Puget Sound Naval Shipyard. There, it will be torn apart
four-year stay at Mare Island Naval Shipyard near San           and recycled over the next few years.
                                                September,2007 Page 8
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while        changes and reversing. To overcome this problem im-
taking a bath.                                                peller blade adjustable pitch is possible, but this re-
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"                       quires intricate engineering much like an adjustable air-
"Not yet," she replied.                                       craft propeller pitch.

  A 2006 study found that the average American walks          The circular duct's interior shape can be designed to
about 900 miles a year.                                       allow a straight flow or can be contoured to accelerate
  Another study found that Americans drink and average        flow before striking the impellers. Once again, a similar-
of 22 gallons of beer a year.                                 ity can be drawn between a jet engine and a ducted im-
  That means, on average, Americans get about 41              peller. It is also similar to the upper contour of an aircraft
miles per gallon.                                             wing.
  Not Bad!
                                                              It is important that water entering the duct and interfac-
The Seawolf (SSGN-21) and the subsequent Virginia             ing with impeller blades be as uniform as possible. Like-
class submarines are propelled by something other than        wise, the accelerated exit flow must be as free from out-
a screw. In a previous SRC bulletin the propulsor was         ward thrust spiraling as possible. A stator made of multi-
discussed in a general sense. The propulsor which             ple static blades is placed at the forward end of the duct.
drives the latest of American submarines is super-secret      The blades are mounted to introduce a spiral current in
and therefore not open to specific description. Despite       the opposite direction of the impeller blade thrust. This
this restriction, SRC continues to receive many ques-         serves to straighten the exit flow. If insufficient, a sec-
tions regarding how a propulsor is different from a tradi-    ond stator may be located to the rear of the impeller. To
tional propeller or screw. This bulletin attempts to an-      further complicate the design, stator blade pitch may be
swer some of these questions using the most current           adjustable according to the rotating speed of the impel-
information available.                                        ler. Stator assembly assumes a rigid duct as opposed to
                                                              the spinning type.
A submarine screw provides thrust by accelerating a
rearward water flow at the stern of the hull. Because it is   The final consideration is the option of vectored thrust.
a rotational thrust the exit flow is both outward and to      Small submarines use trainable thrusters to give them
the rear. That portion of the thrust that is other than       finite control of close-quartered movement. It is possible
rearward is wasted. The problem confronting the de-           to eliminate the rudder and stern planes by introducing a
signer of submarine propellers is one of maximizing that      universal in the drive shaft with directional control rods
portion of thrust that drive's the submarine forward while    to the propulsor. While the complexity of such a design
eliminating, or at least reducing the adverse effects of      seems overwhelming, the engineering is well estab-
rotational outward flow. Progress has been made in pro-       lished in helicopter rotor control. Vectored thrust is a
ducing single, large, hollow, multibladed and complex-        common reality in most current jet fighter aircraft.
curved screws. These are much more efficient than
those of the mid-twentieth century. They produce less         One significant disadvantage of the ducted propulsor is
cavitation and are therefore quieter. Yet, even these         its weight. Located at the extreme after end of the sub-
have their limits. Exit flow continues to be non-linear and   marine its negative moment is large. Hollow, light-weight
entrance flow is made turbulent by planes and rudder          material is used in the construction of the assembly.
vortices. This often sets up a "beat" and presents a          Obviously, much technical design information came
problem in sound emission and signature identification.       from the aerospace industry.
Parenthetically, the Type 21 German submarine of the
Second World War solved the problem by placing the
rudder and stern planes at the rear of the screw, but
structural considerations normally outweigh the advan-
tage of such an arrangement.
                                                              A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nurs-
The propulsor solves many of the problems inherent in         ing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi there,
the traditional screw. It multiplies the number of blades     good looking'! How's it going'?"
into something akin to a jet engine's impellers, but its      Having already downed a few power drinks she turned
greatest departure is the inclusion of a circular ring at     around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and
the extremity of the blades. In most propulsors this ring     said, . . . "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere,
or duct is fixed to the hull with impeller blades spinning    your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door,
within it. In such case the tolerance between blade outer     on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked, with
edge and inner duct liner must be as close as possible        clothes on, dirty as shit, clean and sweet, it just doesn't
in order to eliminate outward thrust called blade edge        matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of
vortex. In some ducted propulsors the ring is fixed to the    college..... I just flat-ass love it!"
blades, spinning with them. This system introduces a          Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding!
flywheel problem which slows response time to speed           I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?
          Windy City Pumpkin Pie Squares                   A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted af-
              USS Chicago (SSN-721)                        ter a 20-hour shift.
   1 (29 oz.) can pumpkin pie mix                           Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal
   1 cup sugar                                             thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with
   12 oz. can evaporated milk                              it.
   1/2 tsp. cinnamon                                       When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flab-
                                                           bergasted teller and without missing a beat says:
   3 eggs
   1 box yellow cake mix
                                                           "Well, that's great....that's real great....some ass-
   2 sticks butter, melted
                                                           hole's got my pen."
   Walnuts                                                                       Great Advice
   Wax paper                                                 Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a high school
   Perheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine pumpkin pie        about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school.
mix, sugar, evaporated milk, cinnamon and eggs. Line       He talks about how the feel good, politically correct
13x9– inch pan with wax paper. Pour pumpkin mix into       teachings created a generation of kids with no concept
pan. Pour yellow cake mix evenly over pumpkin mixture.     of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in
Spoon on melted butter and bake 50 to 60 minutes.          the real world.
Cool and then place in refrigerator. When ready to serve     Rule 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it!
flip onto cookie sheet. Cut into squares.
                                                             Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem.
   Yield: 48 squares                                       The world will expect you to accomplish something BE-
                                                           FORE you feel good about it.
           Memorable Submarine Quotes
                                                             Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of
 “Some ships are designed to sink… others require our      high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car
assistance.”                                               phone until you earn both.
 “Do or do not. There is no try.”                            Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you
     Yoda (As seen in the 1999 Navy Leadership Plan-       get a boss.
     ning Guide Calender book.)                              Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
                                                           Your grandparents had a different word for burger flip-
 “SHEESH!, their planesmen are worse than ours! I just     ping; they called it opportunity.
saw their whole f***in’ screw come out of the water!”
                                                             Rule 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so
     CO on Flasher at the scope while doing maneuvers      don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
      with Pintado, both at periscope depth. The entire      Rule 7; Before you were born, your parents weren’t as
      control room broke up.                               boring as they are now. They got that way from paying
 “Diving Officer, I believe we are airborne.”              your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk
                                                           about how cool you thought you were. So before you
      OOD, looking out the periscope after a broach.       save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents’
 “ I have passed by more lighthouses submerged than-       generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
you have light poles on shore.”                              Rule 8: Youe school may have done away with win-
       Paul Ferris RM2(SS) USS Blackfin & Greenfish        ners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools,
 “Ashes to ashes, dust unto dust,                          they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you
                                                           as many times as you want to get the right answer. This
 It may not run, but shine it must,                        doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in
 It may not work, but it will not rust.”                   real life.
       An overheard Chief’s reponse to the question,         Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t
                                                           get summers off and very few employers are interested
       “why do we have to clean all the time?”
                                                           in helping you FIND YOURSELF! Do that on your own
                                                             Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people
                                                           actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
                                                             Rule 11: Be nice to nerds, chances are you’ll end up
                                                           working for one.
   A Bit of History and a Story from Doug
Gaught, a boat sailor from the Queen’s Navy
Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, KB (29 Sep-
tember 1758 – 21 October 1805) was a British admiral famous for
his participation in the Napoleonic Wars, most notably in the Battle of
Trafalgar, a decisive British victory in the war, where he lost his life.[1]
Nelson was noted for his considerable ability to inspire and bring out
the best in his men, to the point that it gained a name: "The Nelson
Touch". His actions during these wars meant that before and after
his death he was revered like few military figures have been through-
out British history.

Doug Gaught sent this article with the words; “this may not interest
you but this is how things are here.” And I thought it was only in the
US that the liberals have destroyed COMMON SENSE with all the
political correctness that is predominate in the US (and in Oregon).
Don’t get me started on bicyclists. Otherwise known as anarchy on
the streets of Portland.
However, I did learn a bit of history and here it is for you. Without
the paragraph below stolen from the internet, the following story
would be meaningless.

It is a common misconception that Nelson's last words were, "Kiss me, Hardy", spoken to the captain of HMS Victory,
Thomas Hardy. Nelson did, in fact, say these words to Hardy a short time before his death. Eyewitnesses testified that
Hardy kissed the admiral twice: once on the cheek and once on the forehead, as Nelson struggled to remain conscious.
     Prior to this Nelson asked his flag-captain not to throw him overboard and to look after 'poor Lady Hamilton'. He then
said "kiss me Hardy". After Hardy's first kiss Nelson said, "now I am satisfied". After the second, "who is that?". When he
saw it was Hardy he said, "God bless you Hardy."

                                ALL SAILORS SHOULD READ THIS ONE

The story is familiar, the characters etched on our memories, but times have changed
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orien-
tation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What in God's name is all that gobbledegook?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, Sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now and we had the devil's own job get-
ting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy to combat binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it .......... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water Sir."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Get
me a report from the crow's nest please.
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What. Why not?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, Sir. No harnesses have been installed and they said that rope
ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding has been erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck? Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, Sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to
the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb defi-
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail.. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, Sir. Health and safety won't let? the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And
they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, Sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a
couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, Sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Pol-
icy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that Sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, Sir. We must be inclusive in this multi cultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It
could save your life
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, Sir, rum is off the menu!? And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case.............................. kiss me, Hardy."

Along the Same Vein ( but on the ‘Colonies side of the Atlantic)
The Master Chief noticed a new Seaman one day and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was
the first thing the Master Chief asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied.

The Master Chief scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching Sailors in
Boot camp today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in author-
ity. I refer to my Sailors by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.

I am to be referred to only as 'Master Chief.' Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Master Chief!"

"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, Master Chief!"

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is.........."

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