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飞
*
in China, you will never hear them treading the walls and bursting red decorations along brick hutongs** but the celebratory afterglow would remain. like lions pressing their satin paws against your burnt skin; it was daring to let them curl at your heels. later, you would draw velvet tears in the vacant underground well of their silent imagination. in that dream you’d notice the different shoes – heavy with purpose – rubber skin, yellow feet, railroad toes. yes, they were hanging paper bells; you must have tied helium lanterns to their thick ribs and pulled hard. so they would journey up, dangling their soles high above. that way, you would see nothing but two very neatly polished shoes; that grow strong to the ground. then you will look up (not down) to see their feet.
*fly in Mandarin **narrow alleyways in China
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战争的烟火
during the opium war; skin is burning, off feet. we hide in snuff bottles and allow jellyfish fingers to trawl through metal. blood. and fear. we will stare crinkled-faced like those soldiers – on streets – paths splintered like black paper and white glass; our tortured landscape. like opera monsters with voices thick with sweet blood, we hear wafts of grief with no tempo, no rythmn. listen to – just a woman wrapping her legs around us – the way a rider grips his horse – dripping her long red hair all over our chest. and our face. sometimes we scream but no one pays attention through this burning haze. our memories are lost in this orange equinox – but maybe not everyone goes blind in the light; and their eyes will capture our imagination like black tripedal crows (三足鸟) in mental cages. and at this burnished door, there is nothing left but bullet-ridden saddles hanging gentle from our dark transportation. no more sedans bleeding smoke, only walking dead men. forget these houses which bob in the snapping heat as if a wind were blowing through their rooms. but only remember the smoke which climbs to our lips in a dark burst of color.
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dragons in 北京
sometimes we will watch green swim past in tight nails and thick feet, there are no broken jaws here. just a dark throat of brass: stuck with their metal joints together, neatly on that cardboard waist. they do not melt in the cold. just drip in frozen shapes like the facial twitch from a winter tree where white brows fall more heavy than the soundless patter of leaves, on delft tile – purple ming – purple scales – purple teeth. we will forget to pick chopsticks and eat, the crumpled heart where a lizard’s thunder has left craters of silence larger than this brass chest.
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sometimes you forget that lanterns don’t leap all that is left are broken feet dripping light. mounted, they shall wake the dying garden in silent chants which soften only the blushed faces of ornamental birds and red lily. even the willow stoops, ancient in the heat of your beauty. later, the servants scatter like jagged leaves in this afternoon’s tension, because heavy are your hands which smoulder this suspended palace of bronze orbits, make them kneel on their toes; and see only little crowns of princes’ glinting in the dark pouches of summer’s dream. mist your body like a junk ship along those burning corridors of sleeping men. when the fragrance of your name leaves this chinese soil, constellations of silver ghosts will fall from the sky in an angry rain, which falls dark and rough. your city will cry in its soft vowels, as pain squeezes through the cracked citywall unnoticed till the absence of the smallest fish. there are no punctures, just empty mirror holes and a broken wooden hull. its never easy to listen to the torn heave of sails and gentle dying of your ripped fleet of red lungs; red mermen who drown you with scales, feet and horse-weed. please start screaming. and maybe drink some ashbrew. quickly! before those white children force bitter wine to your tongue of broken syllables. drunk, so you won’t feel the pain of brass shields shouldered like porcelain bowls against this void where a heart once trembled. against your eyes. and your eyes tired of the memory of destruction.
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Lost in Translation
I never knew the names of my grandparents, only the drifting stencils traced quiet beneath their painted gazes. eyes hard under the waning red of the joss-sticks, set faded and cynical in portraits aged with grief. Touch. I run my fingers along the graves, read like Braille dragons lined in clay, every picture a letter, a word, a chapter, in a story of clefts that my illiterate hands cannot comprehend. and I wonder if their ears would blush with the same unfamiliarity, at the sound of my name, a word so foreign that it has no translation. As my nail scrapes dust from porcelain like the needle of an old record player, I mouth static to piece back a voice that was once my own.
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This Old House
the clock here does not tick. when grandfather died some decades ago, its pendulum stalled mid-swing. nostalgia dug in deep, gripped tight, and it hasn’t moved since. that’s the curious thing about this old house. it cannot speak. the oriental walls lost their voice when the last word of Chinese uttered within them fell quiet. the remains of the sound now reside in an unremarkable urn on the counter. you must understand, this house is not dead, only asleep. watch, and see it breathe, fumes curling in joss-stick sepia to mask contemporary footsteps across the décor. then listen, and hear the sound of its breath, a reminder to its living occupants: “made in china” applies not just to their clothes, but to themselves.
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面往天安门
If you step outside into a patch of winter sunlight and close your eyes, you can feel the warmth hibernating somewhere in the polluted shade you left behind, and watch the sun fade, pale behind the drawn curtains of your eyelids, leaving the planets frozen in mid-orbit, breathing only between ticks of the clock – a slight shift of your feet protesting the uncomfortable silence propping you up and holding you down, as you found that you were tethered to handlebars clutched tightly between your palms, hung from cords spun from the Chinese December, and misplaced faith. not faint enough to be brushed aside like cobwebs, but just enough to sever with the dry rumble of the Beijing traffic, and the biting, biting edge of your solitude.
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Above 黄海
O Yellow Mountain! Storied alp Of noblest fantasy! Imagination pales against Sublime reality! The sky above and clouds below Suspend the crests in rapture. What spectacle! A poet can but wish Such grace, in words to capture. A wondrous snow dusts o’er the pines That crown the stately peaks. And all around, the fervent breeze, In gladsome tones it speaks. Fair nature’s voice, this lilting wind, Does soothe the soul and ear, And animates these reverent heights In effervescent cheer. A flawless blue reigns ‘cross the sky, A mellow, pleasing splendor. Enthroned within, the rising sun, It shines with glorious candor. The rays enshrine the crests in dawn, A blessed, saintly bower. A celebratory mood surrounds This transcendental hour. Too often are industrious hearts Lost amidst a sea of ink, Blinded by their petty laws, They cannot feel, but think. So come, friend, cast your spirit up To these hallowed cliffs, and sense The living force that binds this world, The solitude that cleanses.
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China
A heart pumping blood into the many bodies Fruiting at the end of each branch of blood vessels Veins ribboning into the rusted sky.
Bodies
held held held held held held held held held held held
Floating
held held held held held held held held held held held held held held held held held
Like
held held held held held held held held held held held held held
Balloons
held held held held held held held
Together by the heart The whole gritty symphony of red, this whole anthem of pride and numerousness Bits of dust flaked from the overhanging bodies and settled onto the beating organ The heart coughs and the bodies sway dangerously and then still themselves in mid-air again
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A body drops onto the ground like a fish onto the pavement stone the branch of veins and arteries waves, headless You see that it has already begun to grow a new one, The old one was getting in the way and now Now the new one can grow
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The other bodies are still floating, facing upwards, they watch the fallen body with their fingertips They’re relieved it isn’t them They’re relieved when the blood from the heart feeds them with assurances, with excuses, Bubbling into their ear like heavy duty brainwashing liquid issued by the government Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Their faces are not unsmiling, their eyes are squeezed shut like shells, – and the faces aren’t serene, don’t be fooled These are faces that have learnt over the years to stay expressionless The muscles there have atrophied and probably died or something – I don’t know But you get me right? – the kind of face that looks at everything passively, with an expression as blank as a China plate But their bodies stiffen slightly, if you look carefully, there is a freeze in the natural momentum, soon however they will relax slightly A woman is hanging from one of these numerous branches Her hair hangs from her head, brushes against the other bodies below her.She stiffens. She knows she will be the next to drop.
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城外
I. Over the border, the city thrown behind them Summer has run out like tapwater August has trampled on the grass patches with browning leaves and apples. A plane lay dead on the ground, smoke exhausts itself from the side. The oil has run over the side like rusted blood and onto the grass, They saw the red-and-white metal bird thing shot out of the sky, They see the nails driven into the metal plates in lines, They see how the nose has crumpled against the ground like a drink can. The people watch from the underneath burrows, The pilot almost certainly died, he might not have – but they dare not check Too much ground, nowhere to hide, a bomb could come whistling over their heads Their thumping hearts hold the ravens in And they sank in the stale underground like mud They’ve been there for listless sticky hours, The mud on the walls of the tunnel has begun to smear with the sweat Breathing is tense, like gunshots into the grassy silence Their eyes follow the sun to set, It will still take some hours. II. Over the stretches of brown dirt A punch of vertigo hits the side of my stomach, The engine grunts, They took one of my wings out and the plane spins like a top B l o o d r u s h e s to my head,
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I try to gather the last few thoughts in my head, to concentrate my hate against the Japanese just before I die.
I want my last breath to be a curse to the enemy. It’s vindictive, passionate, juvenile hate – I don’t really care – They killed, they plundered. And it’s gone from a point where I don’t care who’s right or wrong anymore. I just want them dead and gone from my country. III. At a wooden hut, the wind creaks at the walls and the doorway She has waited for half a week for him, The daughter is silent and so is she. There are no tears, no violent paroxysms of grief, She slowly closes the door with dead calm.
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下雨天
Raindrops fly in my swallow grey city Into the vacant expanse of its industrial heart Vines of fog and pollution wreath around the buildings, Slowly pulling them into the wide mouth of their undergrowth Mud gouged open ; The green rusty cranes raise their heads Smell of earth and twigs ; Digging them into the soil Coughs of petrol from pipes ; Spitting out concrete Grey bites open the city like an apple The river walks into the sewers like dirty winter, Everyone is shut indoors and it’s getting a little toasty The laptop graphics knit away at my eyes, A tree is felled outside, crushed afoot by machines like a soldier
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In the kitchen
I broke the leaves in the kitchen. I have to prepare them soon, otherwise the flavour will fade. I smell the sharp sting of ginger press into my nostrils. I chop them, I feel the pieces rub against my finger like wet dirt.
I throw them into the pan. Sizzle. I dip a tablespoon of oil into the frying pan and make a brief stir. The smell exhausts itself from the pan in white steam. I add the fish pieces in. They should turn brown, and soak in the flavour of the ginger. I think they should – I’m guessing. That’s how ah-mah cooked them, and now – I just want to cook something everyone would like. No invention, no cooking something inventive – that’s just completely not the time – just something plain and everyone will love.
I imagine how the dish will be served. People around table. Sea of hands with chopsticks. People offering approval. I don’t know.
I turn the fire down, it should be nearly done now.
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无言的歌*
you will finger at distance, point at the jade roof that grows between us. you, a mouthless princess, in a stonemute dance which traces the fretful hem of the sun’s dark skirt. quiet now, let your feet tumble silent into holes of angry drums like uprooted chrysanthemum. burn the garden in my hair so the dying yellow vines can strangle my lusty affection which lines our sleeping wound like broken plaster. when the black laugh of the moon curses the our willow of cherry lights, the fruit of secret love will slip through our tightened fingers. later, you will forget the letters of my name.
*wordless songs inspired by the story of the Cowherd and Weaver Girl
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WORSHIP
I promised to light a joss stick with you, all wax gods will remember this bitter song which tears our lips in a silent melody. no rasping bone flutes or burning songs to threaten our tiny whistle of blood that falls from a home behind for the world ahead. our bamboo song announces the descent of jade saints in iron chariots. watch, joss smoke is the colour of saffron devotees gently waiting; later we will kneel together, silhouettes shaking in the heat. and the sound of our touch will spring softly against statue skin. and when we leave, candles will melt into a carcass of paper offerings and faithful shadows. then no one can decipher the angry vertigo of lucid men. but they will know, yes the gods will understand. but your flame was dragged into the sky.
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NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISEII NOISEfeel I’veNOISE placed NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE sorta NOISE been NOISE on a point of Jupiter imbalance NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISEMagpies spinning in my NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE airtight sky NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE It should feel natural NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE coming back NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE Like slipping back into NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE warm waters NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE Cleaning off the grit of NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE Chengdu NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE But it just feels weird, NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE not frighteningly lonely, weird NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE D’you get NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE me? NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE I think I let the city NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE consume me for too NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE long
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NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE My 妈 told me she had big NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE dreams NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE But they were cut down NOISE NOISE her parents NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE by NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE Like the willow saplings in NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE our old garden NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE And I always supposed I was her NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE private revenge against fate NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE it evenNOISEweird calling Now NOISE feels NOISE NOISE her 妈妈 NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE 妈… NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE 妈. NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE 妈. NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE 妈. NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE 妈? NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE
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NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE I suddenly remember I used to NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE call her every week I must have forgot NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE The shame of it suddenly bleaches through NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE me as I watch the swiftly passing spiny trees NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISEwindowNOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE through the country bus NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE I wrestle with the guilt for a while, before NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE choosing to think about other things NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE Other things like…? NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE
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NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE
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The bus stops.
Bird crosses the sky like a stone.
I walk.
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I test my memory of the way home with the same gingerliness that someone feels about in the dark in his bedroom.
I’m sorta marvelling how little it’s changed. It’s impossible not to. In Chengdu, everything changes so fast. Shops close. People move away. Here : same dirt road. Same trees. Bits of the landscape are scraped away at the edges to make way for the city. But that’s expected of course. Chengdu is growing, booming, it’s not as prosperous as GuangZhou but it’s a big tourist attraction. I should know, I’m one of the assistant managers of a restaurant. I see people I flood in all the time. Like – I don’t know – marbles or something. They flood into the place, sit on the round tables, talk loudly, laugh. Everything about them is too bright and too gaudy. I don’t understand them but I pretend to smile rigidly at the customers to let the manager know I am making an effort to be welcoming. I am over-hearty in my clumsy English but I know the manager will look upon it as enthusiasm. Good work attitude. I am careful never to look sideways at the manager in case she catches me. I must make it look as though I really am passionate. Or at least if I fail to do so, appear to make the effort to be so, so that I will draw in customers.
I am like one of those foreign circus monkeys to them.
I wonder if they laugh about me as they leave the restaurant and embark on their coaches. Perhaps one of the men, just to attract the attention of the crowd will do a mocking impression of me there. The women will laugh, the men will too while privately wishing they came up with it first, and the man will leave the day and occasion feeling clever.
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noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I go noise noise noise noise noiseback home noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise insects The noise crawls like noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise All over the place noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I suddenly get conscious if noise noise people are looking at me noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Some do, with the brief interest of a stranger noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Others? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I ask how to get home, noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noisewhere noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise is Mrs. Guo living? noise Guo? he replies innoise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Mrs. noise noise noise the country dialect, noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise why you sir, you don’t sound as noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise though you are from around here. Why….
Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I don’t understand him. He garbles noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise too much. His accent is too thick. I noise noise noise noise noise noise noise can’t make it out. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I panic slightly but I nod and noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise pretend I understand with the same heartiness I give the foreign noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise customers. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I wanted to know the shortcut home, noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noisethe one I used to take, but I supposed I have to take the long noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise way round. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiserug on noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise She was sleeping on the noise the floor. The light from the rectangular noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise stone doorway threw its bright shadow on the living room floor.
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noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise My sister saw noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise me. She didn’t throw her arms around me and weep like I imagined she would noise noise noise noise treated me with the determined noise noise noise noise noise noise on the bus. She noise noise noise noise noise noise distance of a stranger. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Hello, I said in the country dialect. It felt gawky and embarrassing. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Don’t you recognize me? I attempt a smile. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise She has gone blind, my sister noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise said. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I’m sorry? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise
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Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Blind. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Blind. She cannot see. Blind. Do you understand? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Why don’t you say anything? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I…. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I I noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I, I what? Don’t care? Pigging out at noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise the city too much? Couldn’t even be noise noise noise noise noise noisea call? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise bothered to give us noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiseI noisebusy- noise noise was noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise No – you weren’t.noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise You noise noise just didn’t give a fuck. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Don’t swear at me noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Oh. Oh. Oh. Someone’s comin’ noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise in here to lecture us what fine noise noise noiseyou’venoise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise values noise learnt at the city. Well she’s gone blind now…! noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I’m sorry – I didn’t noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise know noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise
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Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise You’re noise No you you’re not noise noise noise sorry! noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise you just don’t give a fuck. You noise noise noise noisefuck about anyonenoise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise don’t give a noise noise noise but yourself. All these years – noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I said I’m sorry - noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Then where were you all these noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise years? 16 years! 16 years – where the fuck where you? noise noise noise noise Hey – hey. Be reasonable. I noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise was working. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Take it outside, someone noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise said. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise My uncle emerged from the other room that laid behind the curtain noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise on the left-hand wall. You two noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise you take it outside. want to fight, noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise My sister gave me a look of pure contempt and went behind the curtain. I heard her complain and vent her spleen to someone else.
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Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Hello. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise My uncle grunted. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise panicked again slightly, noise noise suspecting he might also be noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiseme. I rushednoise noise silently angry at noise noise to apologise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise profusely before he condemned me. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiseShe’s blind, he said matter-of-factly.noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise There’s no changing that. Maybe if you noise noise noise noisehave been different. came,things might noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Maybe it wouldn’t have been, who noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise knows? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise He gently shook my mother awake, and noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise fed her the soup that he had put on the noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiseher. noise noise noise noise noise noise table beside noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise Don’t bang your head, he said, helping her upright.
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Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noisemaking so much noise? She’s noise noise noise noise Who was noise noise noise noise noise fighting with her husband again? noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise No, your son’s here. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise 妈, I said. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise I took her hand expecting her to noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise withdraw it noise and hit me. She didn’t. 妈, I tried dig out the noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noisetilted words from my throat. Her face noise towards the ceiling, her dead grey hair falling noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise loose from its elastic band. Her other hand reached noise noise my face. I felt her noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noiseout to touch noise noise noise noise noise wrinkled fingers move over my nose, my lips. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise 妈…. noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise
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Compilation of works
noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise noise
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in conversation with a village woman
Hey what are doing – smiling in my blood? You play a prank on my eyeball and downplay It with a double-helix lie You go burn me a promise and I’ll show you my two crippled flowers If I crawl along the length of you, vertebrae by vertebrae Will you find me a sailor? I know your wire-bound notebook wishes me well Find me a sailor – I can’t go – He said so – He’ll find me sitting with the garden bamboo aching around me And grass sniffing the wind. And I’ll Be waiting, heating my hope he’s a Fool. Maybe if I wrap my carcinogenous desires
in
He might drink the copper-stained smoke for a while I’ll spend rest of the evening the tickled by his matchstick laugh, he would – Dead skin of my legs wrapped in tradition It couldn’t breathe And they shrivel like periwinkle – they can’t run
And now they tell me now they tell me They choke on their own spit My face couldn’t drag my body closer to Doorsteps of a half of a paradise either
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她一生都在人海中浮着, 犹如一只被铐住的水母 ------ 一个被扔出窗外的纸袋 ---- 宁静地爬在路 旁,像一种盲目的隐痛… …
找
I asked for a 种子, a quick island buried 在我心中的 transatlantic memory and I 恍然大 悟，I lost my origins, 我也从不惜他，the perennial guilt is easy 忽略和忘掉，because it has nothing, 完全没有东西 to attack, I’ve lost 我的根源，and I don’t care.
可能大家会一直向我投以奇异的眼光，and I’ll just remind 我自己 that I don’t answer 他 们，My clouded mind is 容易, plasmolysed in stoic privacy, 昏迷的波浪在我的湖面上刮 过，ask myself no questions 因为 I don’t need answers, 我从不寻找他们, I never never never 从不从不从不从不…….
And if I hang outside, 犹如一颗站在路边的树，and look long enough, 可能 I'll be seen as part of the scenery. Though I’m quite used to having the whole world spin by uninvolved, my naiveté will always keep me upright through the acid rain. I’ll come when I’m not asked for, and walk in the crowd, a dimple in the light, it everything swallowing me whole but not quite digesting me.
And maybe its best 我找 a place, for myself, 一个遥远的宁静和平衡， a damp soliloquy I 可以稳定地扎进我的木根。
Compilation of works
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文化大革命后
i would have put you in a picture but you did not fit the frame your light veiled each negative so black and white would balance on each beaded mirror drop together we watched sunlight bite neatly into the lines of broken colours in a submerged playground, our eyes captured the sullen smiles of fish, on portrait. and maybe in the corners of this tank overpopulated with memory, i would recall how my lenses blinked past your passion, skirting the blind eyes of my imagination. there was no light there. we should have stood in heavy-breathed silence, but all we had was a bi-pod third leg lost in the echo of your absence. i told you we were heaving soldiers, frozen in sepia nostalgia. but you hated that. your history was an explorer’s photographs encrusted like petaled barnacles on poetry.
‘此处的花根本不能算花， 真正的花开在山野中’
i saw no silver you heard no tick.
Compilation of works
in that still life there was no destination.
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湖
today’s the day that i will leave your orbit of unconsciousness. there once was love. broken now like saturn’s rings of glass and canvas string, or comets twisting around our fingers as dust. only the empty sockets of our easel remain. you forgot to paint me on the last day, now i am lost in the landscape weathered by your tears. i wake to your final memory: there is light on the water. the pond sketch of my deep vein blue and bruised green lotuses is nothing more but reflection in the blinking sun. you hold the last painted pink thumb, watching slowly as the colour dies, leaving nothing but soft petals and ragged flesh. a tiny sailship waits. you draw me: too treading this rhythm of the waiting word. in a blue room of frozen scattered anemone, you can never dance with me. only when seaflowers are dry will your feet bloom, so do nothing but sleep, and dream of rain. there once was life. now, just me tangled in the palms of splintered fragrance and your eyes blindly weeping into the spaces between tiny hands in mine.
Compilation of works
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Embroidery at the Heritage Museum Pictured: a family in monochrome. Father and Son in the foreground, mother in the back. In between, white distance like a prison door, a hyphen in a domestic sentence where mother is reduced to subscript, invisible and ignored. After scrutiny, however, you can vaguely make out her mouth: Sutured, ambiguous, red thread stitching illiteracy across the silent chasm of her face, Not a bridge, but a seal. I refer to the practice of foot-binding, where the feet of women would be willingly crippled with wrapped cloth, compressing bone and sinew to a size determined by men. And I wonder how many mothers allowed their daughters to be broken, swathing feet with thread like hangmen fastening nooses to necks while lying that they would still be able to walk. Embroidered mother, the same thread constructs your mouth. Where the spirit shatters, and the
Compilation of works
red thread envelops you like a chrysalis three sizes too small; where your mother’s hand falls away and the anesthetic is gone; where the cocoon loosens and you emerge, only to find that your wings were clipped from the beginning: This is the point where womanhood begins. Embroidered woman, do you realize: there is nothing beyond the kitchen window because you sewed nothing into it.
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Homecoming: A Recount So this is what it’s like to be home. Two decades worth of dust on the hands of the clock; tonic-haze of incense creeping up the stairway; rafters heaving like coolies at the end of a pipe; the threadbare parchment whose verse I was never able to read; the unsettling stares of the portraits, eventually turned to face the wall; pedantic rows of houses through the window, all faces in a crowd of which I only remembered one.