We live in a society with no escape from sex. It
is impossible to get away from, simply
switching on the T.V, surfing the internet
(however innocently), or walking down the
street can invoke lustrous feelings in even the
most conservative of young men. We strive to
be attractive, to be fancied, to feel wanted
and pleasured. At school or college, in work or
at university we find ourselves in situations
where the lust for sex and love is not just
passing in the street, it is in our classroom, in
the pub, or even in our bedroom. But how
should we deal with this pressure? And what
advice does the Big Book give? These next
two studies will look into what the bible says
about sex and relationships and ask questions
including ‘Who Should I go out with?’, ‘How far
should I go?’ and ‘Why do naked women look
so good?’
You’re not
going to answer
that, surely?
So what does The Bible say about who we
should go out with?
It is always difficult to understand the biblical
Imagine your dream girlfriend, imagine what view when we discuss ‘dating’. ‘Dating’ is a
she looks like, how she acts, what she enjoys relatively modern idea and didn’t exist in
doing, what she likes and what she doesn’t Biblical times. Had we been born a couple of
like. thousand years ago we would never have
Be honest experienced the joys and dramas of dating,
fellas! we would have married immediately the first
girl who was available and attractive or our
Make a list of all the things you look for in a parents would have arranged who we were to
girlfriend: marry. Dating, or as my parents call it;
‘courting’, is not mentioned in The Bible,
therefore we have to look carefully at the
information it does give and apply this to our
views on dating.
Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
In Proverbs 31 vrs 10-31 King Lemuel writes
about ‘The Wife of Noble Character’. In verse
30 he writes ‘Charm is deceptive, and beauty
is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is
to be praised.’
In 1 Corinthians 6 vrs 12 Paul writes,
Now number these by their level of ‘“Everything is permissible for me”- but not
importance to you (#1 being the most everything is beneficial. “Everything is
important). permissible for me”- but I will not be mastered
by anything.’
Using these verses answer these next few ‘But surely the majority of attractive girls are
questions: not Christians; I don’t want to go out with
someone who isn’t beautiful!’ Do you agree
Who should I go out with? with this statement?
Is it wrong to go out with someone who is not a
Christian?
Read Deuteronomy 7 vrs 1-4 – A warning
against marring people of different beliefs.
King Solomon – King Solomon was an
Could dating someone who is not a Christian attractive bloke, a rich and well dressed King
be ‘permissible’ but not ‘beneficial’? with an enormous house, something more
than worthy of an episode of ‘Cribs’. Solomon
was also very wise, and loved God aiming to
follow God in all that he did. Solomon’s
downfall, however, was his love for women. He
What problems or difficulties might occur when had a rather large number of wives (700 if
dating someone with different beliefs to you? we’re counting) and 300 lovers. Eventually, as
Solomon aged, his wives drew him away from
God and he began to worship other Gods. We
can read the story of the downfall of Solomon
in 1 Kings 11: 1-13.
What might be the benefits of dating someone
with the same beliefs as you?
After reading these two passages consider the
following questions:
What mistakes did Solomon make that we
could learn from?
At school I found myself surrounded by
Solomon had the pick of the women, he could beautiful girls everywhere I looked yet not a
marry anyone he wanted, how might this Christian girl in sight. It was so easy to find a
make it harder for someone to resist? non-Christian girlfriend that I didn’t even
consider looking for a Christian one. But I
underestimated the necessity of having a
girlfriend with the same beliefs as me, many
These passages talk about wives not problems occurred that would never have
girlfriends, but in what ways, if any, are they occurred if I had had a Christian girlfriend. I
relevant to us who are unmarried? soon realised that beauty was so much more
than what a girl looked like, or even how well
we got on. This statement is also not really that
true, there are plenty of very attractive
Christian girls around, perhaps not in your
What is the most important thing in a school or at parties or in town but do not worry,
relationship? they are hiding somewhere!
Have your
views on this
changed?
The interesting
bit!!
You miss out on so much if you don’t
have sex.
Now to get down and dirty, this study will Having sex outside of marriage
cover the stuff that most other studies won’t. doesn’t hurt anyone
From French kissing to hard core pornography
we ask the question; ‘What does God really You don’t know if your wife will be
think about Sex?’ good in bed unless you have sex with
her before you get married.
Make a list of everywhere you might You can only really love someone if
encounter sex on an ordinary day: you have had sex with them.
God loves sex. An odd statement you might
think but it is true, God created sex and
On a scale of 0 to 5 to what extent do you created it in such an amazing way that we
agree with the following statements? (5 being might enjoy it and enjoy it to the full. In order
fully agree 0 being completely disagree) to do this God created boundaries for sex from
the beginning, from the creation of women.
You should not even kiss before We can read this in Genesis 2:19-25.
marriage.
After reading this passage answer the
Having sexual relations that are not following questions:
‘sex’ is fine.
What is the foundation of sex mentioned in
Everyone has sex outside of marriage verse 24 and 25?
now.
We know that God created a perfect world in
the Garden of Eden and that this perfection
was fulfilled with the creation of Eve. How does One of the first things that should be looked at
this differ from the portrayal of sex today? when talking about sex is why we, as blokes,
are so attracted to the female sex. This part of
the study will aim to answer the question ‘Why
do naked women look so good?’
Imagine sex as a Formula 1 racing car, and
the act of sex as racing around in that car.
Now in this example marriage is a race track. Why do you think naked women look so
Racing around in the car in the carefully good?
designed racetrack is fulfilling, exciting,
amazing and safe, the car has been designed
for the track. It is the perfect way of racing What do you find so attractive about the
that car. Now if you were to take that car female body?
away from the race track and to race around
on the roads outside it may be exciting and
thrilling but the chances are that you will
damage the car, hurt yourself, and hurt others. In the passage in Genesis we saw how God
The busy streets of inner city London were not perfectly created woman. God could not find
designed for Formula one racing cars, and the a suitable partner for Adam so he made one.
racing car certainly was not designed for the And when God makes something he makes it
narrow streets of a small seaside village. Sex good! He created woman in such a way that
was designed for marriage. Used in this man would find her naked body beautiful.
context sex is fantastic, out side of this sex is Naked women look so good because God
dangerous, like a formula 1 car racing through designed them that way.
London.
Consider these next few questions:
Why is this your view?
What makes anything more than this ‘too far’?
The Bible contains its very own book on sex
in the book The Song of Songs. A book
which, worried about its explicit nature and What do you think the view of The Bible is?
direct sexual language, many Christians for
many years stated was merely an allegory
of God’s love for Israel and for the church.
This is true however SOS is also an explicit Now read Ephesians 5:1-4.
love poem, a conversation between a man
and his new wife, a description of their What do you think to Paul’s instructions in this
sexual feelings towards one another and passage?
an explanation of God’s perfect plan for
Sex. Is Paul being realistic when he says that there
should ‘not be even a hint of sexual
immorality?’
Many Christians understand that Sexual
intercourse should be kept inside of marriage
but many are unsure about other things that
are not sex. We will now ask the question; ‘How Does your ‘ok to go’ boundary have ‘even a
far can I go?’ hint of sexual immorality’?
In pairs or as a group discuss ‘How far you think
it is ok to go’. If you are not comfortable with
discussing this you could think about it on your Why do you think Paul sets the standards so
own and perhaps write it down on a piece of high?
paper.
Does this change your answer to ‘how far you Have you ever found yourself in a situation
think it is ok to go’? where you have found someone irresistible but
known that it would not be good for you?
Paul seems pretty clear in this passage; Is it difficult to resist attractive women who
anything with even a ‘hint of sexual immorality’ ‘want you’?
is sin, and God hates sin. This might seem
incredibly high standards to keep but that is
what God deserves. God deserves our best, How can you avoid getting yourself into
and so do our future wives. Neither of them situations when sexual sin is hard to resist?
should come second to us fulfilling our own
personal sexual desires, however strong and
irresistible they may seem. Verse 21 reads; ‘For a man’s ways are in full
view of the Lord and he examines all his
paths’.
In what way does this verse make you think
about how you act sexually?
Read Proverbs 5:1-23.
What are we, as young men, warned about in
this passage?
Surely not?! With this verse in mind do you think that
masturbation is ok?
MASTURBATION!! Ok, I said it. The one thing Could masturbation be ok in some instances
that many of us shy away from talking about but not ok in others?
but something that is very important to discuss.
We joke about it in the lad’s changing room,
we laugh at it in films, but what does The Bible
say about the ‘M’ word? Now read Matthew 5:27-28.
Consider your own views on masturbation. You Could your thoughts be sinful even if the
may find asking yourself these questions action itself was not?
helpful: Do I think it is ok? What do I think
about when doing it? When might it become a
problem? Is it a problem for me?
What does this passage suggest about
pornography?
s
Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-18 and 1
Thessalonians 4:3-8. Using these passages, and
your own thoughts, answer the following In many of the letters Paul writes about the
questions. benefits of young men having self-control.
How could self-control benefit us in these
In vrs 12 Paul writes, ‘“Everything is permissible situations?
for me”- but not everything is beneficial.
“Everything is permissible for me”- but I will not
be mastered by anything.’ What things may
be permissible to us but not beneficial?
that same woman, in as little clothing, in his
own bedroom, was even tougher. Seeing a
hot girl in the street and resisting her might be
Throughout The Bible many great men have difficult, having that same girl in your bedroom
struggled with sexual sin, their temptations and is even trickier to resist. The further down the
the temptations of the woman around them. line we let ourselves fall, the harder it is to pull
Even King David, a bloke described as ‘a man ourselves back.
after God’s own heart’, found that his greatest
downfall was his sexual sin. On day, walking on A few little things to remember:
the rooftop, David saw a beautiful woman
taking a bath. He wanted her, and he wanted 1. God loves sex
her now. Being King this wasn’t too much of a
challenge and, after a few minutes (maybe 2. He knows the best way to use it
longer) of enjoyment, David found himself with
a pregnant woman and her husband to deal 3. He designed sex to be between one
with. We can read the story of David and man and one woman, this has not
Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11:1-26. David’s changed.
mistake was not drawing his line and not
knowing when to stop. An accidental glance 4. Naked women are beautiful because
at the woman started the whole chain off. At God designed them that way.
that point David should have looked away,
covered his eyes and walked off. But he 5. We should aim to have not even a
realised he wanted her and could have her; ‘hint of sexual immorality’.
he let his lust take control and ignored
everything else. David should have drawn his 6. We are forgiven when we fall.
line and we should know where to draw ours
too. All too easily men, like David, find Finally, remember the verse we looked at
themselves in a position too hard to resist. earlier in the session; Proverbs 5:21:
Walking away from the rooftop with a naked
woman in sight might well have been difficult ‘For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord
for the aroused King, but walking away from and he examines all his paths’.